Author has written 3 stories for Bleach, Harry Potter, Devil May Cry, and Dogs.
Age: none of your beeswax
RULES YOU SHOULD LIVE BY
"Rule one: Don't hurt innocent people."
"Rule two: Don't get caught."
"Rule three: Plan A should always work.
"Rule four: If Plan A doesn't work, make it work."
"Rule five: If you can't beat it, blow it up."
"Rule six: Be curious and take everything apart."
"Rule seven: Make sure you can get everything you take apart back together."
"Rule eight: If you do get caught, blame someone else."
"Rule nine: Act innocent and make sure you have an alibi."
"Rule ten: Don't snitch. Unless someone is in mortal danger. Then you can snitch."
Things you should know about best friends
A friend helps you up when you fall, a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"
A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain, a best friend takes yours and says, "Run,-BEEP-Run!"
A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected, a best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend would be in the cell next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
Friends will ask why you are crying, but best friends already have a shovel ready to bury the asshole that made you cry.
She's my best friend. Break her heart, and I'll break your face!
If you agree, copy into siggy please!
How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”
5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Expresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is “To Go.”
11. Sing along at the Opera.
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why all the poems don’t rhyme.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON! I WON!”
16. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,"Run for your lives, they’re loose!!"
17. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
18. Go in front of your classroom and shout "I like pie!"
19. Greet all your friends with a tackle.
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
20. Copy and end this list to someone to make them smile... It's called therapy.
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things
I HAVE A TEMPER, so I am automatically RETARDED or a BITCH when I go quiet trying not to blow up at insults.
When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in the eyes of your enemies.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then, sit back and watch the whole world wonder how the hell you DID that.
When life gives you lemons, read them and drool.
EXCUSE ME!! I have PMS and a gun...You were saying?
There's nothing that can't be fixed with: duck tape, chocolate, or by running it over.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
Everyone has the right to be stupid. Some people just abuse the privilege.
I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal.
Heaven won't take me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
"Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was there would be a hell of a population drop." - Anita Blake
I've been given sugar! Use this time to prepare for the end of the world!
Incoming fire has the right of way. - Murphy's War Laws
When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in the combat zone. - Murphy's War Laws
Weather ain't neutral. - Murphy's War Laws
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.
The problem with reality is a lack of background music.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies tied up with fishing wire in your basement.
If at first you don't succeed - cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
God must love stupid people, he's just made so many.
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Mental anxiety, mental breakdown, menstrual cramps, menopause, did you realize how all our problems begin with MEN
Things some women don't realize
I'm sorrythat I bought you roses to tell you that I like you
I'm sorryThat I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk
I'm sorryThat my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants
I'm sorrythat I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised
I'm sorryThat I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"
I'm sorryThat I am actually nice; not a jerk
I'm sorryI don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things
I'm sorryI like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club
I'm sorryI would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy.
I'm sorryThat I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date
I'm sorryThat I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy
I'm sorryThat I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend
I'm sorryIf I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around
I'm sorryIf I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work
I'm sorrythat you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.
I'm sorryIf you read this and know somebody like this, but don't care
But most of all
I'm sorryFor not being sorry anymore
I'm sorryThat you can't accept me for who I am
I'm sorryI can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.
I'm sorryI caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...
I'm sorryThat I told you I loved you and actually meant it.
I'm sorryThat I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.
I'm Sorry That I cared
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
And I am a woman who scorns the fact that the anyone can be belittled because of the person they love.
I am a person who, having said this already to those people, would never care if their friend was homosexual. Why should I?
I am a person who cries everytime a person dies before their time, simply because one group thought they could play God and take a human being's life.
I am a woman who doesn't care her best friends might be Lesbian, might be Bi, because, why would I care? They are my friends, because of who they are, not what they have, or what they can give me.
I am a woman who helped a dear friend through some troubles, saddened that he even had the thought I would hate him because he is a gay crossdresser who kissed his brother.
I am a woman who doesn't care what others think of her, who doesn't care if people think she's bi, gay, whatever, because things like that shouldn't matter, and why do they? Why do so many people give a damn about things they truly have no reason to touch?!
Copy this to your profile if you believe in legalizing gay marriage-
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal. And also, point of reference, the Greeks and Romans accepted Homosexuality. Their cultures did not 'die out' due to this. Why is it that the 'modern world' is so far behind those that lived thousands of years ago?
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
I don't care if you're gay or straight, everybody needs love.
I don't care if you're diseased with an incurable sickness, everybody deserves a chance.
I don't care if you're ugly or pretty, everybody has flaws.
I don't care if you're black or white, everybody has the same capabilities.
I don't care if you're weird, everybody needs to change.
I don't care if you're rich or poor, everybody needs warmth.
I don't care if you're different, everybody is.