Poll: Who do you want Jacob to end up with? as in live happily ever after with Vote Now!
Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.
Hi, I like The Mortal Instruments, and I've written some twilight things. Check it out :)
this is were Jacob got his funny shirts from :
BOLD the ones that fit you
I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.
I'm JAMAICAN, so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I must have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terriost.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convienance store.
I'm NATIE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.
I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I must be ugly...or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I must love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm ASIAN, so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so i MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I love SHOPPING, so i MUST be rich.
I'm an OG so I must be mexican.
If you hate stereotypes and think people should just SHUT UP AND STOP, POST THIS!
F YOUR LIFE WERE A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
Opening Credits: Chariot- Escape the Fate
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
She ended up staying longer than planned, and
As she walked along under the tall elm
When she reached the alley, which was a
However, halfway down the alley she
She became uneasy and began to pray,
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
When she reached the end of the alley,
The following day, she read in the
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
She felt she could recognize the man, so
The police asked her if she would be
She agreed and immediately pointed out
When the man was told he had been
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
She asked if they would ask the man one
Diane was curious as to why he had not
When the policeman asked him, he
You are never alone... (Repost as 'Love' if you truly believe and love God...)
When a Guy Uses A Pick-Up Line On U...
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man: Is this seat empty?
Man: Your place or mine?
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put 'u' and 'i' together
10 Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
The toothfairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.
Show me a girl with both feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show some one who can't put her pants on
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.
Backstabbing is fun... the look on your face is priceless
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Workin' hard or hardly workin'?
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly
I say we shoot Cupid and see how he likes it.
I believe that dragons unicorns and sporks do exsist.
The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.
When you look at the sky do you see a cloud or a dinosaur in a tutu?
Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.
He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.
If you're really my friend, I'll probably make jabs at you. It's all in good fun. But don't confuse jabs with insults. Insults involve actual dislike.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies." (TOO FREAKING TRUE!)
"He who laughs last thinks slowest and he who laughs first doesn't get it."
Every time a guy ignores me, I know it’s just because he’s a vampire in love with me, and he is too polite to drink my blood. (of course)
Did you know that they have Bill Nye the Science Guy under T.V. shows and that ten people have written stories for it?
What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.
I'm an optimistic pessimist.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Your multiple personalities are freaking out my imaginary friend!
It takes 48 muscles to frown but only 14 to flip some one off.
I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.
I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive
I'm the kinda girl who always falls for the sidekick, always.
Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Who ever said 'nothing is impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door.
(Like you don’t gasp every time you see a silver Volvo.)
I wish my lawn was emo... then it could cut itself. (Nothing agaisnt emo people)
Strangers have the best candy.
You stare because I’m different...( 0.0) ('.'= ) ('.'= ) ('.'= )I stare because you're all the same.
I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny.
"Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." Anonymous
"Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic..." Anonymous
My imaginary friends are jealous of my voices.
"Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt'?" Anonymous
I'm not fat. I'm just short for my weight.
"Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.'" Anonymous
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
Your chances of being struck by lightning go up if you stand on a hill beneath a tree raise your fist to the sky and shout, 'Storms Suck!'
Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history
Can I borrow your pen? I need to stab you in the eye.
Your year book picture still haunts me.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.
Don't try to out-weird me-- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast ceral.
Don't you look at me with that tone of voice.
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
Shakespear must have had a lot of one-night-stands because anyone who can make suicide romantic had to be a smooth talker.
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again
God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.
So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face
When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you
I hear your silence loud and clear
Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.
Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?
How can i miss you if you never left?
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.
Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable
Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.
Boys are like knives, usefull but they'll cut you eventually
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Help I've fallen and i cant...hey nice carpet!
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Lifes Tough, get a helmet
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?
Only in America, do banks have braile on the drive-thru ATMs.
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths
The cops never find it as funny as you do
Fanfictions aren't everything... but they're right up there with oxygen.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." Anonymous
You say crazy like it's a bad thing
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
They laugh because we're losers...We laugh because they just figured it out.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit.
If it wasnt for physics and law inforcement I'd be unstoppable.
How come we drive on a parkway and park on a drive way?
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
A computer password is like a toothbrush: Change it every six months and don't share with anyone else
On the down side I now am registered for things I don't want to be and I find my self paying for things I didn't buy and the up side I won Aol's most creative password
I trippped over a wireless phone
They say ignorance is bliss; i would rather be blissfully ignorant then know THAT
Never say 'Things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton
Why are the Force and duct tape the same? Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.
People say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
I'm easily distrac- Look, Harry Potter fanfic's!!
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. (But then you can say, sex before sleep...')
I'm also a big fan of letting my imagination run wild. There's always a chance it won't come back, but it always has, and usually with an odd scent attached to it.
If you're looking for sympathy, it's right between 'shit' and 'syphilis' in the dictionary.
I will temporarily rule the world, forever.
Aww heck no, I didn't kill him.
Everyday I think people can't get any stupider. Everyday I am proven horribly wrong.
Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.
Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.
If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.
I have the kind of friends that if my house was burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen.
Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that frisbee getting bigger?'... then it hits me
I wanted to be a warrior like you, not a damsel in this dress.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."
Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!
So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.
If you cry, I cry. If you laugh, I laugh. If you fight, I got your back. If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall. If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!"
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.
I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage.
I know at least one person who would love to push me down the stairs.
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh,he just took a wrong turn,got lost,and is to stubborn to ask directions.
I'm here because Heaven wouldn't take me, and Hell was afraid I'd take over.
Fanfiction...Because it's cheaper then therapy.
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, and they've seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
Ohh look its a bird, it's a plane, it's an egg salad sandwich
Do not attempt to follow my footsteps. I walk into a lot of walls. (Too true...)
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
You can't spell awesome without ME!
A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
'If you are first you are first. If you are second you are not in first.'
If you have ever burst out laughing in a silent room because of something that happened at least 12 hours ago, copy and paste this into your profile.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
K N O W L E D G E
So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.
And look how far this will take you...
A S S K I S S I N G
Think about it...and have a nice day at work
Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?
If you love God with your whole heart and are 100 percent proud of it, copy & paste this in your profile
Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy I'm a boy! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.
Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but i will have a lot of it I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!
Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.
'Before you take the life of your baby, really consider all your option. Would you rather be fat for a while, or kill your child? If you're against abortion, re-post this.
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