Undertaker's Eyes
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Joined 01-04-09, id: 1792717, Profile Updated: 12-27-12

Here are some random things:

I do not suffer from insanity. I enjoy every moment.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow does not look good either.

Roses are red, violets are blue, what the hell am I doing talking to you?

I know how you feel. I just don't care.

Hating you makes me feel warm inside.

Plotting revenge is fun.

School prepares you for the real world, which sucks.

It's ok if you want to drop dead.

I'm not mean, you're just a sissy.

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the hell am I?

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away (if well aimed).

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. (Stupid psychiatrist. :P )

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" (Me: Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!)

People who say "nothing's impossible" have never tried slamming a revolving door.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Anyone giving away a knight in shining armor? Mine turned out to be a loser in tin foil.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Forget scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. That's why when I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you".


1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms.

2) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

3) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

4) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

5) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

6) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

7) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

8) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.

9) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "Time of the Month."

10) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

11) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

12) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

13) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout, "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!"

14) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

15) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.

16) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

17) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends."

18) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

19) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

20) I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting, "I got the power!"

21) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Nigh have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Nigh!" from various directions. (Highly inappropriate, albeit very funny.)

22) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom.

23) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.

24) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

25) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

26) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

27) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."

28) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

29) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.

30) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.

31) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

32) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see who kills each other first.

33) It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagal that she takes herself too seriously.

34) "Ya'll check this shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental

35) I will not say the phrase, "Dude, get a life," to Voldemort.

36) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy. (He will take you up on it.)

37) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

38) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

39) Should Professor Quirrell ask what I said, I am not allowed to say, "Did I stutter?"

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Demon Love by contagiousgiggles reviews
Ciel is now a demon and Sebastian still isn't so happy about being stuck with him. What happens when Ciel starts to develop feelings for his demon butler? Well, read and see.
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,831 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 5/20/2013 - Published: 3/14/2012 - Ciel P., Sebastian M.
Scandalous by crazyelf22 reviews
Lily Evans has always despised James Potter. But when some devious blackmail forces her to "fake date" him, she can't help but wonder what exactly he isn't telling her. Will the secret help her see the Marauder in a new light, or push her further away?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 59,144 - Reviews: 129 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 83 - Updated: 5/26/2011 - Published: 4/11/2010 - Lily Evans P., James P. - Complete
Stuff and Nonsense by pumpkinspice-unicorn reviews
Alice returns to London once more, embarking on a trip to China. Wonderland has become a distant memory until she finds a familiar item tucked away in her things and a strange, fiery-haired ship captain. Wonderland is in turmoil once more. 2010 cont'd
Alice in Wonderland, 2010 - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 31,694 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 9/6/2010 - Published: 3/7/2010 - Alice K., Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp
Nature Boy by Maiden of the Moon reviews
If you love something, let it go. SebaCiel.
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,381 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 19 - Published: 7/22/2010 - Ciel P., Sebastian M. - Complete
The Thief of Hogwarts by bluminous8 reviews
Summary: AU Young Harry learns to steal as he is fed up from his deprivation of his wants and needs by his guardians. A Thief is born in Privet Drive.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 105,046 - Reviews: 3887 - Favs: 9,491 - Follows: 8,895 - Updated: 6/22/2010 - Published: 7/7/2009 - Harry P.
When the Words Scream by LaraIsAwkward reviews
What happens when the mind lies and you can no longer trust the world as you see it? If your perceptions are false, how can you know anything to be true? Bella Swan's life is a nightmare; a nightmare calling itself "Alice". AH, OOC, Mature Themes
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 23,395 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 5/2/2010 - Published: 12/20/2009 - Bella, Edward
Only A Dream by ruk182 reviews
Something strange has been happening: whenever Alice sleeps, she returns to Wonderland. She thinks it's only a dream, but the Mad Hatter can see her there. As things seem to more and more unusual, they're in danger of being stuck in the wrong world. On a very long haitus, apparently. Sorry.
Alice in Wonderland - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,167 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 3/20/2010 - Published: 3/14/2010 - Mad Hatter/Hatta, Alice
Origins Of Wonderland by Tantamiri reviews
Have you ever wondered how the Red Queen and the Cheshire Cat and the Mad Hatter came to be a part of Wonderland? Maybe they were just innocent people who fell down rabbit holes... Based on Burton Film 2010
Alice in Wonderland - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,681 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/8/2010 - Mad Hatter/Hatta, Cheshire Cat
Indefinite by Clicio reviews
“Are you afraid of death, young master?” “Of course not. Death only has one card to play. Life is much more terrifying, in my opinion. It has a full deck.” Ciel tries to draw the line between a demon and a mortal. SebaCiel.
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,259 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 406 - Follows: 56 - Published: 8/21/2009 - Sebastian M., Ciel P. - Complete
That Butler, Cat Lover by TheLadyPendragon reviews
Sebastian likes cats. They are noble, elegant, and beautiful, all while being quite adorable and intelligent. Young master Ciel, he’s noticed, is a bit like a cat. Thus, concludes the butler, Sebastian must like Ciel quite a bit. SebxCiel. Shounen-ai.
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,684 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 855 - Follows: 145 - Published: 6/25/2009 - Sebastian M., Ciel P. - Complete
Elegiac by Maiden of the Moon reviews
“Your first day as a human will cost you your Past. The second, your Present. The third, your Future. In short,” the sea witch purred, staring into the mermaid’s dumbstruck eyes, “come day three, I’ll own your soul. And you will not get it back.” EdxBe AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 28,943 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 204 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 9/11/2008 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Persistence of Memory by neutral reviews
The Boy Who Lived disappeared during the TriWizard Tournament, and Voldemort is discovered dead. A year later, a boy named James with no memory of his past is living in a muggle orphanage. [currently undergoing revision. chapter 11 uploaded]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 53,408 - Reviews: 1885 - Favs: 1,041 - Follows: 629 - Updated: 11/25/2003 - Published: 4/4/2002 - Harry P., Sirius B.
Thousand Miles by Maiden of the Moon reviews
Harry reflects on his feelings on his parents to the song "Thousand Miles". It may sounds sad, but I bet you'll like it, if you'll just read it... please? Please read and review! Thank you!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,002 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/23/2003