I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic
Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. Repost this if you are one of the 8 percent who would be laughing your ass off.
98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men!
A white man enters a bar and sees a black man sitting on a stool. The white man says, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK. When I grew up I was BLACK. When I'm sick I'm BLACK. When I go in the sun I'm BLACK. When I'm cold I'm BLACK. When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK. When you grow up you're WHITE. When you're sick, you're GREEN. When you go in the sun you turn RED. When you're cold you turn BLUE. And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism!
MY LIFE IS AVERAGE: This is ALL me...i would do all this or i have done it...
Today, my mom sent me a text message which ended in an "lol." I felt uncomfortable responding.
Today I was in Tim Hortons with my mom. She was eating a chocolate walnut doughnut. She said "Mmmm I love nuts." I giggled. She didn't get it.
Today, I got on an elevator alone. The door was still open so I pressed the "door close" button. I don't think the door closed any quicker but I felt good because I was in control.
Today, I saw a guy I know working a cash register at Target. I purposely waited in the longer line to avoid an awkward encounter.
Today, my mother told me to fold the clothes in the dryer since I had some spare time. I told her the clothes were still wet and restarted the timer. The clothes were dry; I just didn't want to fold them. She believed me.
Today, I suddenly felt an itch on my leg. I freaked out thinking it was a spider and slapped my leg repeatedly. Turns out it was just one of my hairs.
Today, I told everyone I blew off studying for my finals. I actually studied all night, but I needed an excuse in case I failed.
Today, a friend asked me for a piece of gum. I told her I was chewing my last piece. I actually had more gum in my backpack.
Today, I met a guy on a plane and we talked for the majority of the flight. At the end we said goodbye. We saw each other again while getting our bags, we both pretended not to notice so it wouldn't be awkward.
Today, I was lonely and bored, so I thought I might play solitare to relieve the boredom. Then I realized that 'solitare' meant 'alone', so I felt even worse.
Today I was lifeguarding. I told a kid to stop running, he continued to run and I pretended not to notice. He slipped and fell, I laughed.
Today, I moved the furniture out of my room in order to paint it. While it was vacant, I noticed that there was a loud echo. I sat in an empty room for half an hour yelping and making funny noises just to hear the echo.
Today I took out almost all the cookies in the cookie jar because the one at the bottom looked like it tasted better than the others.
Today, I was taking a multiple choice test and the answers made a diagonal line. I was amused, then I got suspicious because that never happens so I went back to check my answers.
Today, while filling out a security code it spelt out "hola", I felt like it was trying to tell me something.
Today, my mom got a package. I helped her open it just so I could keep the bubble wrap and pop the bubbles.
Today, while eating fruit salad, I stabbed the grape with my fork on the first try. I felt like a warrior.
Today I was bored so I decided to look out the window at the rain like in all those movies. I was still bored.
Today, I was lying in bed. I wanted to eat a bag of chips that were on the floor next to me. I spent five minutes trying to stretch my body so my arms could reach them instead of getting out of bed. It worked.
Today, I was eating chicken fingers. There was only supposed to be six chicken fingers in the box, but I counted seven. I felt like I cheated the system until I realized I had miscounted.
Today, while I was picking up an order at the drive-thru, the guy smiled and said, "Have a good day, sweetie." I felt loved.
Today, I was stuck in traffic because of an accident up ahead. I loudly complained how traffic would go faster if people wouldn't slow down to look at the accident. As I drove by, I slowed down and looked at what was going on.
Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and our bus driver was late. Her name is Waldo, so I said "Where's Waldo?" I laughed internally at my joke.
Today, I decided to eat healthily for once. I felt inspired. At dinnertime, I opened the fridge. I found a cake. I ate 3/4 of it.
Today, my brother asked what I'd done the night before. I said "your mom". Then it got awkward because I realized we had the same mom.
Today, while I was getting dressed, I unintentionally matched my underwear with my bra. When I realized this, I got really excited, but then I realized I was the only one that would be seeing it.
Last night I baked some cookies and the box told me to let them stand for 2-3 minutes before eating. I was hungry so I only waited 1 minute. They were still delicious and I didn't get burned.
Today, I was too lazy to wash my pants, so I rubbed a dryer sheet on them before heading to work. When people commented on how fresh I smelled, I felt special.
Today, I needed to walk across a one way street. I still looked both ways out of habit.
Today, I heard a knock at the door. I looked out the window and saw a Fedex truck parked outside the house. I decided to wait until the delivery man was gone to get the package so I wouldn't have to interact with him.
Today, I sneezed while I was alone. I blessed myself. Then I thanked myself.
Today, my parents weren't home so I decided to blast my music, since they always tell me to turn it down. After about 5 minutes, I lowered the volume because it was too loud.
Today, in the shower there was a hair on the wall. I didn't want to touch it so I got puddles of water and threw it at it in hope it would fall. It didn't. I then aimed the shower head at it. It fell.
Today, I wanted to make bubbles, but was too lazy to blow them. I put the bubble wand in front of a fan. It worked and I was amused.
Today, I was messing around on an electric keyboard and listening to the piano songs it had on it. My mom's friend was walking by as the song was playing from the keyboard, so I pressed some keys down to act like I was actually playing the song. She smiled and I felt like a pro.
Today, my mom cooked us some alphabet nuggets. When I got my plate, it could spell my name. I looked over at my sister's, it couldn't spell anything. I felt that my mom loved me more than my sister.
Today, my sister and I argued over who the cat loved more. She pet him and he ran away. I pet him and he purred. I laughed at my sister and he purred even more. I felt as if he was laughing with me.
Today, I was at the grocery store putting items on the conveyor belt to check out. I hummed the Tetris song as I oriented groceries at 90 degree angles to each other and filled in the gaps.
Today, I was playing sims. I looked at my clock and it was 5:23 pm. in my sims game it was also 5:23 pm. I was so excited I paused the game and took a picture with a time stamp to prove what happened when I told the story later to my friends.
Today I went to a chinese buffet and thought I ate too much. As I was opening my fortune cookie, I read the message and it said "You will never, ever be hungry". I felt as if the cookie was verifying my thoughts.
Today, I really hurt myself on the trampoline. Later, when I logged into Facebook, it suggested that I become a fan of trampolines. I felt like my computer was mocking me, but I became a fan anyways.
Today, I was driving behind a Nissan. The tail lights and bumper made the back of the car look like an angry face. I pulled into the next lane behind a kinder looking Honda and felt like I was more accepted in this lane.
I bought a pair of shorts from a second-hand store for 4. When I put them on and wore them, I found a 5 bill one of the pockets. I felt as if the pants were paying me to wear them.
Today, I was eating oreos. There were only a couple left. I ate all but one because I was too lazy to throw the package away.
Today, I read a book where the villain had the same name as a teacher I hate. Whenever something bad happened to the character, I laughed because my teacher totally deserved it.
Today, I was using my toaster. As my anticipation grew, I manually popped out my toast, so it wouldn't scare me.
Last night I was listening to my iPod in bed. The song switched to Thriller. When it says, "the midnight hour is drawing near" I looked at my clock. It was 11:58. I hid under my covers with my cat.
Today, I left for school at the same time as my annoying neighbor. I went a different way than she did and I got there first. I felt satisfied.
Yesterday I caught a fly with a fly catcher. It had been buzzing around my head and I couldn't sleep. Today, there are three flies in my bedroom, I feel they are avenging their friend.
Today, while watching a movie, I saw the same exact year, model, and color of the truck I own. I now feel like my truck is a movie star.
Today, I was in the car with my mom. I asked her to turn the heat up, I was sick, and had chills. She replied, "Buts it's at 69, just the way you like it". She then realized what she had said. It was awkward.
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.
Sometimes I wonder "why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
have you ever had one of those days
SHUT UP VOICES!! or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again...
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!
and i'm the kind of girl that lies awake at night
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?
High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
Are all dogs stupid? Or does my dog just have a certain brain malfunction to make him extra stupid?
33 Things to do in an Elevator:
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
Love me or hate me. Personally I could care less
Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.
i don't know about you, but i'd be pretty terrified if a 400 lb. glass of kool-aid ran into my house screaming 'OHH YEAH!!'
in twenty years, i'm going to be in the grocery store and i'll be in the milk aisle
the voices may not be real but they have some pretty good ideas...
him: i don't know why you wear a bra...you have nothing to put in it.
one night a father overheard his son saying his prayers
did you know that if you say 'gullible' slowly it sounds like 'green beans'?
i'm not a stalker; i'm just curious
we do it in the bed, on the couch, on the table. heck! we even do it in the car!
me and my friends get high on snapple and chocolate chip cookies and we think its cool
i hate it when people ask
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.
If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this to your profile. (you know the drill)
If people think you are mentally insane...you know the drill.
If you or your best friend is insane you know the drill.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, you know the drill.
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, you know the drill.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, you know the drill.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, you know the drill.
If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, you know the drill.
If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered you know the drill.
If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, you know the drill.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, you know the drill.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, you know the drill.
If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, you know the drill.
If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, you know the drill.
If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, you know the drill.
If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, you know the drill.
If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, you know the drill. For some reason i don't think i should be proud of that.
Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, you know the drill.
If you've ever talked to yourself, you know the drill.
If you think being unique is better than being cool, you know the drill.
If you've ever read past two in the morning, you know the drill.
If you've ever fallen down the stairs/tripped and laughed because it was something Bella would do, then you cried cause' Edward wasn't there to catch you, you know the drill.
If you like chocolate as much as I do (which is ALOT), you know the drill.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, you know the drill.
If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, you know the drill.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this in it to make it even longer.
If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, you know the drill.
If you think that Global Warming is real, and that it should be dealt with, you know the drill.
If you think those stupid kids should just give that god-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, you know the drill.
If you don’t dance to avoid injury to yourself and those around you, you know the drill.
If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky Bird thing shoud go to rehab, you know the drill.
If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, you know the drill.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, you know the drill. (Not like he needs anymore anyway...)
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, you know the drill.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, you know the drill.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...you know the drill.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, you know the drill. (Gets really aggravating after a while...)
If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN you know the drill. (Right after I finished reading the sign...)
If you've ever walked into a wall before you know the drill. (Stupid immobile walls...)
If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then what is the opposite of 'progress'?
If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) you know the drill. (All the time...)
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, you know the drill. (Yup, usually during awkward or normal silences...)
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, you know the drill.
If you complian that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you dont just for the sake of being stubborn, you know the drill. (...Guilty...)
If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, you know the drill. (Only if the martians don't give them back)
If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour' differently, and use different units of measurement, you know the drill.
If you have music in your soul, you know the drill.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.
If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever yelled at an inatimate object for not listening to you, you know the drill.
If that inatimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, you know the drill.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, you know the drill.
My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP! Paste this on your profile if you're against child abuse!
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded