bemysevendwarves
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Joined 01-09-09, id: 1798768, Profile Updated: 02-02-09
Author has written 3 stories for Harry Potter, and Twilight.

This had damn well better work, because it didn't last time, and i can't have (gasp) a boring profile.

My name is Kate, I am from Australia, and i always have too mcuh to say, and no way of expressing myself. I am one of the most random people i know. I am also a filth wizard, and we are better than owls. Definitely better than owls. I also have an alter ego. She's normal Kate, and she doesn't show a lot. SO LET THE PAIN BEGIN.

I am 14 and if you want to find me, just ask my German teacher. She keeps asking us where we live...

If you read my stories but dont review ill bite you

and then mia can suck the nutrients out of your knee

I like tree rape. Well, I don't like it, but i think its funny.

10 WEIRD THINGS I FIND FUNNY:

1. tree rape

2. greasy chicken balls

3. riding sheep

4. licking

5. pissing off caitlin ;)

6. poking things that wobble (like JELLY)

7. giggling hysterically

8. randomly grabbing Becky's leg in German and shrieking

9. pretending to be a pedo on msn to people i dont know very well

10. writing creepy fanfictions...about pedos, perverts and a rapist tree (YAY)

5 THINGS I HATE:

1. People who say lol in real life rather than laughing

2. People ignoring me

3. Brussel sprouts and other yucky vegetables like that

4. Me...sometimes when i'm in that kind of mood

5. When people dis the musc i listen to...uncalled for

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Twilight Commercials: The Series by pandorasnotebook reviews
Popular commercials written TWILIGHT STYLE! What more can I say...R&R
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 13 - Words: 13,527 - Reviews: 561 - Favs: 247 - Follows: 166 - Updated: 12/27/2009 - Published: 5/25/2008
I am not a VAMPIRE by ocicat reviews
Twilight parody. They're all human, but Bella still gets the idea that Edward is a vampire and she won't let it drop... It gets way better after the first chapter.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,039 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 7/10/2009 - Published: 10/4/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Great Sparkly Book of Lols by Iskeirka reviews
Armed with the keyboard at my fingertips and my hatred of all thing Twilight, I endevour to tear Twilight to shreds in your eyes, and if I can crack you up laughing in the process, all the better. This is what would happen if I was Bella Swan.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 22,817 - Reviews: 202 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 6/20/2009 - Published: 2/7/2009
High School for the Cullens by reader13lovesbooks reviews
It is a new town for the Cullens. What could possibly be horrible about six vampires stuck in a building full of hormonal teenagers and perverted staff? How about a vampire in a hospital with desperate nurses? Esme's here. Renesmee and Jacob on honeymoon
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 37 - Words: 55,037 - Reviews: 1150 - Favs: 337 - Follows: 271 - Updated: 5/5/2009 - Published: 11/16/2008
What's Imprinting? by tepichi08 reviews
Continuation of Breaking Dawn, Renesmee is now 17 and has learned about Jacob's imprint, and his relationship with her mother. What happens now? Will the Volturi return?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 21,055 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 4/14/2009 - Published: 1/20/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie
50 Things To Do When You're Bored by Lost in Believing reviews
50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Cullen Style. You never know what could happen in the Cullen Household. Hilarity ensured for some chapters. Sometimes other people are brought into the craziness...All 50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Now Complete!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 52 - Words: 76,434 - Reviews: 3223 - Favs: 948 - Follows: 434 - Updated: 4/13/2009 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Complete
Broken Love by reader13lovesbooks reviews
Life couldn’t be better for Esme, in love with Carlisle Cullen, a vampire. But when something happens, the Cullens leave unexpectedly. When danger comes again, will Carlisle return to save her? Sequel to Eternal Love.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 15,573 - Reviews: 260 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 1/29/2009 - Published: 1/25/2009 - Esme, Carlisle - Complete
Eternal Love by reader13lovesbooks reviews
When Esme Platt moves to Forks to escape her abusive fiance, she never expected to fall in love with the mysterious Dr. Cullen. But what happens when said fiance shows up? From the author of High School for the Cullens.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 19,418 - Reviews: 300 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 1/24/2009 - Published: 1/20/2009 - Esme, Carlisle - Complete
The Retelling by Miss.gonnastabyou reviews
A retelling of the Chamber of Secrets movie. More than just a book-movie comparison, it mocks the actors, the inconsistence plot, and the sh**ty prop making! If you read, you get a cookie! Come on... don't you want a cookie?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,773 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 12/23/2008 - Harry P.
Based On True Events by pandorasnotebook reviews
The Cullens go see the movie Twilight and the rest of the theater has be a captive audience to their constant need to narrate. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,580 - Reviews: 318 - Favs: 403 - Follows: 64 - Published: 1/10/2009 - Complete
The Santa Conspiracy by pandorasnotebook reviews
Christmas Oneshot. The Cullen boys all have a bone to pick with Santa. How does Carlisle fit into this? Merry Christmas!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,577 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 9 - Published: 12/25/2008 - Carlisle - Complete
Mistletoe Kisses by CrystalBrooke reviews
1Shot, AH, Funny. Charlie throws a 'hip' Christmas party, to Bella's mortification. Beatboxing and 2Pac...enough said. But who's the sexy guy, and why is he wearing such an atrocious snowman shirt? And who knew mistletoe could cause such a drama? B&E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,047 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 344 - Follows: 48 - Published: 12/16/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Awkward Day by pandorasnotebook reviews
Awkward Day is the Cullen's favorite holiday when you add 'In my pants' or 'In bed' to the end of every sentence. Poor Edward. Oneshot!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,495 - Reviews: 399 - Favs: 475 - Follows: 69 - Published: 11/27/2008 - Complete
Family Therapy Cullen Style by vjgm reviews
Carlisle has had it with the children's constant bickering so he sends the Cullen's to family therapy. Suicidal Edward,Bella's fear of committment, Alice addicted to shopping, Rosalie's hostility, Emmett and Japer's gambling..who will survive? FUNNY
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 69,221 - Reviews: 8346 - Favs: 7,473 - Follows: 1,717 - Updated: 5/15/2008 - Published: 11/10/2007 - Complete
Healing Her Wounds by Raine Delmont reviews
Bella never jumped. She never found out about Jacob. In fact, she married Mike Newton. Four years later, she finds herself in a abusive relationship with no way out. What will happen when Edward comes back to her? Can he save her? Will she let him? R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 32 - Words: 68,184 - Reviews: 4237 - Favs: 1,726 - Follows: 691 - Updated: 5/1/2008 - Published: 10/23/2007
The Lion and the Lamb by Alphie reviews
A retelling of Twilight from Edward's point of view. Now on permanent hiatus. Please read author's note.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 26 - Words: 112,769 - Reviews: 3221 - Favs: 2,970 - Follows: 1,761 - Updated: 1/12/2008 - Published: 2/14/2006
Of Notes and Boredom by Raine Delmont reviews
Bella, Edward and Alice are in a VERY boring class... but, Bella knows how to pass the time. Let the note passing begin! Please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,086 - Reviews: 370 - Favs: 252 - Follows: 146 - Updated: 9/26/2007 - Published: 9/8/2007 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

I am Bella's Replacement hear me roar reviews
I have entered the Twilight world, where I know everything about Edward, i lick notes and pass them im classes, and table sex is soooo not on.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 11 - Words: 15,173 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 10/7/2010 - Published: 2/25/2009 - Edward
Hedward Pullen and the Chamber of Secrets reviews
This is a story about the characters from Twilight in the Harry Potter world. Very disturbing...not for those who are creeped out easily...do not expect updates TOO often
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 12,799 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 10/7/2010 - Published: 1/14/2009
Cullen Cliques reviews
The Cullens and the rest of their year are assigned cliques. They have to spend a whole week with their assigned group, doing activities familiar to that clique. Some are happy with their assignments, but others find that it's going to be interesting!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,415 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 2/25/2009 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Bella, Edward