Author has written 5 stories for Harry Potter.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary
"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork"
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?
Don't follow me, I'm lost too
At least I don't care what those mindless people think of me
It's always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I've found it?
I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just gonna ask where their going and hook up with them later
Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?
Haha. I don't get it
So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun.
If at first you don't succeed skydiving isn't for you
Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them
Set sail in a genaral that way direction
Music is my boyfriend
Defination of Your Mom: How to answer a question when your bored
Poke me. I dare you.
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
Docters say I have multiple personalitys. We disagree with that.
I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons make apple juice and then laugh when people try to figure out what the hell you did.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
Defination of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some priminal areas.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubburn to ask for directions.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.
I'm here because heaven wouldn't take me and hell was afraid i'd take over.
I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?
Whenever you feel pissed off at someone walk a mile in there shoes, that way your a mile from them and you have their shoes. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Did you know Sarcasm is your body's natural defense against stupidity.
Have seen my sanity I seem to have lost it?
Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that.
Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read in school about the wars that solved America's problems?
364 days of the years kids are told not to take candy from strangers, but on Halloween it's encouraged! Why is that?
An apple a day keeps the docter away, if well aimed.
Parents spend the first part of our lifes teaching us how to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Boys are like trees- they take 50 years to grow up.
How are the force and duct tape the same?- They both have light and dark sides and hold the universe together.
Never go to a docter who's office plants have died.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Isn't Disney Land a people trap operated by a mouse?
When life hands you lemons throw them right back and tell life to make it's own dang lemonade!
The sun has set, the moon has risen, today's the day we get out of prison.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out."?
Who was the first person to say "You see that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt."?
When french people swear do they say Pardon my English?
The difference between friends and best friends
F: Never asks for food or drink
BF: Is the reason your fridge is empty
F:Bail you out of jail
BF: In the next cell saying "man we messed up, again!"
F:Only knows a few things about you.
BF: Is writing a embarassing biography you don't know about as we speak.
F:Knocks on the door.
BF:Comes in saying "I'm Hoooooome"
25 reasons i owe my mother
1) My mother taught me to apprieciate a good job done (If your going to kill each other go outside, I just cleaned up)
2)My mother taught me Religion (You better pray that comes out of the carpet)
3)My mother taught me about time travel (If you dont straighten up, I'lll knock you into next week)
4)My mother taught me logic (Because I said so, thats why)
5)My mother taught me more logic ( If you fall out of that swing and break your next you can't come to the store with me)
6)My mother taught me foresight (Make sure you wear clean underwear in case your in an accident.)
7)My mother taught me irony (keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about)
8)My mother taught me about the science of osmosis (shut your mouth and eat your supper)
9)My mother taught me about the weather (that room of yours looks like a tornado went through it)
10)My mother taught me about contortionism (Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck)
11)My mother taught me about stamina (You will sit there until all that spinach is gone0
12)My mother taught me about hypocrisy (I i've told you once, i've told you a million times, don't exaggerate)
13)My mother taught me about the circle of life (I brought you into this world and I can take you out)
14)My mother taught me about behavior modification (stop acting like your father)
15)My mother taught me about envy (there are millions of children in the world who don't have great parents like you do)
16)My mother taught me about anticipation (Just wait until we get home)
17)My mother taught me medical science (If you don't stop crossing your eyes their going to freeze that way)
18)My mother taught me about recieving (Your going to get it when we get home)
19)My mother taught me about Esp (put your sweater on, don't you think I know when your cold)
20)My mother taught me about humor (when that lawnmower cuts off your toes don't come crying to me)
21)My mother taught me genetics (Your just like your father)
22)My mother taught me how to grow up (If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up)
23)My mother taught me about my roots (Shut the door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?)
24)My mother taught me about wisdom( when you get to be my age you'll understand)
25)and my favorite: My mother taught me about justice (One day you'll have kids and I hope they're just like you)
237 ways to Annoy Voldemort:
1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
2. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
3. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
4. Ask him when the last time he took a bath was.
5. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
6. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
7. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
8. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.'
9. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
10. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
11. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
12. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?'
13. Keep a 'good-behavior chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
14. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
15. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. poof there poof gone poof there...
16. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
17. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'
18. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
19. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
20. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
21. Mock his choice of Quirrell as a 'host.'
22. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways.'
23. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on, look offended when he gets angry and say you thought you were helping!
24. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
25. Buy him a stress ball.
26. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
27. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
28. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
29. Say he 'looked better under the turban.'
30. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
31. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
32. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
33. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry.'
34. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colors and glitter.
35. Throw him a 'Care bears'-themed birthday party.
36. Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.
37. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'
38. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.
39. Tell him you know this great therapist in London...
40. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.
41. Tell him you've met plenty of people more evil than he.
42. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
43. Steal, snap and bury his wand.
44. Tell him Lucius did it.
45. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
46. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
47. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
48. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.'
49. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'
50. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.
51. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'
52. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'
53. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
54. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
55. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.
56. Sign him up for Little-League.
57. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
58. Throw biscuits at him….. Constantly.
59. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie.'
60. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.
61. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
62. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
63. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie.'
64. Mock his baldness.
65. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (I.e.: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
66. Get him drunk.
67. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'
68. Let him catch you trying on Death Eater robes.
69. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not going to work, or 'stupid.'
70. Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.
71. Ask him where he gets his garlic-scented soap.
72. Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you.
73. Make him dance in the rain with you.
74. Insist that this is to cleanse his soul.
75. "Accidentally" schedule him a haircut.
76. Even though he's bald.
77. Be offended by everything he says.
78. When he gives you an order, stare at him blankly and drool.
79. On the next Valentine's Day, decorate his lair.
80. Make sure the decorations are pink and frilly.
81. Tell him that getting the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson was definitely a bad idea.
82. Paint his fingernails hot pink while he's sleeping, then place a permanent sticking charm on them so he can't remove the color.
83. Whenever you look at him cover your eyes with your hands and scream "IT BURNS!!"
84. Bake him scar shaped cookies, but insist it wasn't purposeful.
85. Trade his black robes in for pink pajamas.
86. Insist that it's opposite day and paint a lightning bolt on his forehead.
87. Point to his eyes and say “You know they have a medicine for that!”
88. Wake him up by singing Aretha Franklin, "I will survive..."
89. Remind him it's been over ten years and he still hasn't killed Harry.
90. Sit him down and force him to go through Harry's photo album with all the pictures of Harry alive and happy.
91. Ask him which one of his ancestors married a snake. Act disgusted.
92. Stare around at the other death eaters during meetings. Lean over to him and ask him why he chose them. Ask him why he could not manage to get more volunteers so that he could actually have some good choices.
93. Ask him if it hurt him when Bellatrix left him for Rudolphus.
94. Stand behind him and mock everything that he says.
95. Ask him if he can help you pass your NEWT in Muggle Studies. Then ask him if he got a NEWT in the subject.
96. Ask him if he's met Darth Vader.
97. Try to teach him dance moves.
98. Put a "Kick Me" sign on the back of his robes with a permanent sticking charm.
99. Give him a Wal-Mart smiley face sticker and say "Enjoy shopping with our Roll-Back prices."
100. Force him into a McDonald's playpen.
101. Whenever he enters the room, sing him his new theme song: "Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort. He who should not be naaaamed. Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort. He's playing a dirty game!"
102. Address him as m'am instead of sir by "accident."
103. Every so often, punch him in the arm and say "muscle spasm!"
104. During meal time, throw stuffed animals at his head.
105. Tell him it is a message from above.
106. Give him a gift certificate to Starbucks on his Birthday.
107. On Father's Day, tell him that he is like a father to you and give him a big hug. And flowers too.
108. Cover the floor of his shower with axle grease.
109. Buy him a pink fur coat.
110. Write "I love you! -From your secret admirer." on his mirror with bright red lipstick.
111. T.P. his room with scented toilet paper.
112. Buy him a little fluffy kitten named Fru-fru.
113. Tell him he would look manlier if he shaved his legs and chest.
114. Put itching powder in his "evil" shoes.
115. Take him on a double date.
116. Make that a blind double date.
117. Tell his date he naturally has green scaly feet.
118. Buy him a subscription of Nick Jr. Magazine.
119. Sign him up for the Care Bear mailing list.
120. Redecorate his room with Bob the Builder wallpaper and a pink canopy and bed sheets.
121. Block the Evil Channel on his T.V. and tell him that to much evil will give him nightmares.
122. Tie him up and make him watch a 30 hour marathon of Lizzie McGuire.
123. Then make him eat nothing but brain food for 3 months.
124. After the 3 months of torture is over, tell him his complexion has really improved.
125. Make him eat spinach. Tell him it's good for his colon.
126. On his Birthday, make him wear a Burger King crown. And when you have cake, tell him that a candle for every year wouldn't fit on the cake. Remind him that he's 65 years old at every possible moment.
127. When he is sick, feed him chicken soup and read him the parts in the Harry Potter books where Harry defeats him. Tell what he could have done better.
128. Put a sign on his door that says "Enter at your own risk. Evil Warlord inside." Put stickers on it.
129. Buy him the Candyland computer game.
130. Buy him Harry Potter video games and tell him that if he plays it, he will know what Harry will do next.
131. Take away his scissors and make him use plastic ones.
132. Tell him his cat would look more like him if he shaved it.
133. Throw him a birthday party invite all his Death Eaters and show parts of the Harry Potter movies.
134. Send him a large, rotten fruitcake for Christmas. Include a large, hideous pair of knitted socks and a book on "Learning to Not Be Evil".
135. While he is sleeping, take all his robes and die them pretty, bright colors, such as pink and purple.
136. Put some Iron-ons on his robes that say something cute and nice and have things like butterflies on them.
137. Don't let him drink anything but a special fruit energy drink that you made yourself for two weeks (the drink is made out so orange juice, strawberry frozen yogurt, and fish).
138. Buy him fuzzy-bunny slippers for his birthday.
139. Tackle him and yell "DOG PILE!"
140. Give him an all expense paid month living with a therapist document for his birthday.
141. Look at him with an all-knowing smirk and when he threatens you just reply in a sweet sing-song voice, "I know something you don't know!"
142. Teach him the electric slide and say he can't leave his room until he can do it perfectly.
143. Frequently ask him the question "guess what?" and when he says "what" say "your dad was a muggle."
144. Point to his robes while asking one of his death eaters if they are missing any rather ugly curtains.
145. On his birthday get him a balloon that says "get well soon."
145. Tell him that you blew your nose on his robes.
146. Take him to a Quidditch match. Point out the best Seeker on the field and tell him that's what Harry Potter could become if he stopped bugging him so much.
147. Throw him a Care Bears Birthday Party.
148. "Oh Voldie you're SO HOT let me give a big, wet KISS"...
149. "C'mon Voldie, Powerpuff Girls are on TV!"
150. Tell him: "J.K's going to kill you on her last book you know."
151. When he's out make the theme for his room with pink flowers and butterflies.
152. Walk up to him, put your arms around him and start singing, "I know you I've walked with you once upon a dream..."
153. Make him a knitted sweater and stitch on the back "Slap me."
154. Buy him a home waxing kit for his unibrow.
155. Make him ride the play horses that sit in front of grocery stores.
156. When you run out of quarters, force him to stand on the street with you begging for more.
157. When he smiles, ask him if they believe in toothbrushes at wherever he came from
158. Record everything he says and play the recordings back to him in his sleep.
159. Ask him if he likes the Weird Sisters.
160. "Hey,Voldie, come on with that popcorns! Harry Potter and a Goblet of Fire is on TV!"
161. "Hey Voldie...I found your diary" (Tom Riddle's diary).
162. Ask him if he's ever looked at himself in the mirror.
163. Take him shopping and go straight to the day care station and tell him that you will be back in a couple of minutes.
164. Get him one of the Harry Potter action figure for his birthday.
165. Get him to watch Lilo and Stitch the movie with the Death Eaters so that they will know how to be good like Stitch.
166. Stick some Harry Potter posters in his room while he's out.
167. Sing him a lullaby every time he sleeps.
168. Tell him that he must be a good boy so that Santa Claus will give him a pair of underwear with Harry on it.
169. Get him a baby Mozart CD and play it while he sleeps.
170. Change his reading glasses to glasses exactly like Harry's.
171. Ask him if he wears color contact lenses.
172. Ask him if when he was rearranging the letters in his name why he couldn't have come up with something more threatening than Voldemort? "I mean Voldemort what kind of name is that? Ooh I'm scared now! Voldemort ahhh!
173. Submit him for The Bachelor.
174. Use spray paint to write on his walls and write 'Snape was here'.
175. Make up "yo mama" jokes to everything he says.
176. Stick his hand in a glass of warm water while he's sleeping.
177. Get him a Harry Potter computer game and tell him that only in the game can he kill Harry.
178. Get some friends together, sneak into a Death Eaters' meeting, and bring lots of confetti and pink streamers.
179. Tell him that he must be crazy to think that his death eaters will listen to his orders when he is almost dead.
180. Tell him that he's too short and that he needs platform shoes.
181. Buy him pink robes and explain that pink is the new black.
182. Secretly design his room with Harry Potter posters and with black marker write 'Don't You LOVE him?'
183. Remind him how good looking he used to be.
184. Laugh when he's trying to say something serious.
185. Insist on calling him Moldy Voldy
186. Say, "Well! Somebody needs a little sunshine up his jumper today, would you say?" when he threatens you with any of the unforgivables.
187. Offer to give him his first kiss in front of at least five Death Eaters.
188. Offer to get him into Hogwarts by dressing him up as a first year girl.
189. Get him an apron that says "kiss the evil cook."
190. Ask him what happened to give him that high pitched voice. Giggle as though you have an idea what happened. .
191. Give him lace panties for his birthday.
192. Sing the infamous "darth vader" theme when he enters a room.
193. Force him to go to muggle garage sales with you EVERY weekend.
194. Ask him to watch an episode of 'Care Bears' with you, and insist he watch it fully, even the credits. Then after, ask him which bear he thinks you are, then tell him you think he is grumpy bear.
195. Insist that he goes to the Yule Ball with you, then make him slow dance in the middle of the crowd with you. Don't forget, everyone wants that special kiss on their special evening, and so does Voldemort!
196. Tell his Death Eaters it was his orders that they all wear pink tutus.
197. Offer to let him borrow your strawberry lip gloss.
198. Cook him 'evil' chicken soup when he gets a cold and mother him half to death.
199. Say "Harry Potter's the name and Quidditch is the game," when he's in the room. Be sure to have a painted scar on your forehead and Harry Potter glasses on.
200. When you're at a death eater meeting and he's going through his evil plan, pinch him on the cheek as soon as he's done and squeal, "Ooo, isn't widdle Tom-tom good at make-believing that he's a big, bad evil-weevil boy?!"
201. Constantly tell him there’s a girl out there for him.
202. Bring him to a book signing, for the new "Winnie The Pooh book."
203. Get the lyrics of Winne the pooh stuck in his head.
204. Buy him pink muggle dresses, while implying "Your mother loved that color on you!"
205. Forced him to wear a cute little sailor suit.
206. Get him a shirt that says, "Vote for Pedro".
207. Ask him coldly, "Where did your good looks go?"
208. Sign him up at online dating services. Use the words "green", "mysterious", "dark", "lonely", and "desperate".
209. If you get the chance, surprise him by hiding behind a door
210. Sit on is lap in the rocking chair and insist he sing you lullabies until you fall asleep, or have him sit on your lap and have him tell you what he want for Christmas.
211. Give him a Build-A-Bear for Chirstmas dressed in a Santa suit.
212. For his birthday, give him a card that plays the Harry Potter theme song in a twinkly way
213. Give him a book called 'Taking over the Wizarding World for Dummies' for his birthday
214. Give him a hat that say #1 Evil Guy or #1 Lord
215. Spoon feed him alphabet soup with only the letter E, V, I, and L, and tell him 'look, it always spell evil. I made it just for you'.
216. Take him to a Harry Potter convention.
217. “Accidentally" call him Moldy-Wart.
218. Ask him if he felt funny being in a big pot fourth book.
219. Always call him to dinner like so: "Voldy, you fat lard, come and get your dinner!"
220. Call him on the phone and screech, "Is your refrigerator running?
221. Ask him if his eyes are red because he's been smoking muggle drugs.
222. Remind him his mother was pretty much a squib.
223. Ask him if he would kiss Severus and if you could take a picture with your digital camera.
224. Sing 'It'll be you and me! Up in the trees! And the forest will give us the answers!' whenever he is trying to punish you for all the annoying things you've been randomly doing lately.
225. Open "Voldi-Mart" and sell everything he owns. Keep the money.
226. Make him play as seeker against Harry in Quidditch, then laugh at him when he looses.
227. Constantly remind him of what a rubbish performance he displayed in the graveyard and talk about Harry Potter in positive ways.
228. Ask him if it is a love/hate relationship with Harry.
229. Make him read Killing Harry Potter for dummies.
230. Remind him that dementors affect Harry more than he does.
231. Say to him the next time he tries to kill Harry," You, know, you owe him big time. I mean, you wouldn't be here without "Blood from the enemy forcibly taken", right. So, don't kill him and you'll be even.
232. Give him a giftcard to Claire's.
234. Constantly remind him that you had to fix the mirror that he 'mysteriously' broke.
235. Buy him the book 'Evil Dictatorship for Dummies'.
236. Sign him up for the Harry Potter book club.
237. Buy him a Harry Potter doll from Build-a-Bear and tell him to pull the string on its back, he has his own action phrase "Bye Ron, Hermione, I’m off to fight Voldemort and win. AGAIN!"
43 ways to annoy Harry Potter:
1. Tell him if his head gets any bigger he won't be able to fit his glasses on.
2. Buy some kiddies glasses, sneak into his dormitory and swap them with his own glasses. (So they won't fit)
3. Go out with Draco Malfoy.
4. Whack him in the face, when he shouts at you tell him there was a fly on his nose.
5. Tell him his scar makes him look deformed.
6. Ask him if he used to be a girl.
7. "Wow you should sue that plastic surgeon!"
8. Call him potty and then get your owl to crap on him.
9. Sing potty wee potty in unison with peeves.
10. Make everyone else sing it too.
11. Write on his spell books "Harry Malfoy"
12. Dye his hair red and yellow; tell him he's the Gryffindor mascot.
13. Put itching powder on his quidditch robes.
14. Plait his hair.
15. Wave your sock in the air and shout "Hey potty I found a horcrux...oh wait it’s my sock." Do this every day.
16. Whack him with the monster book of monsters during awkward silences.
17. Whenever anyone mentions Dumbledore say "old git got exactly what he deserved."
18. Draw the dark mark on his arm while he is sleeping.
19. Laugh at him for no apparent reason.
20. Ask him why his scar isn't more socially acceptable.
21. Dye his robes green and tell everyone he's in slytherin.
22. Pin up posters around school advertising the death eaters.
23. Tell everybody Voldermort is just misunderstood.
24. Pin up posters saying "Missing, 1 large snake, responds to the name 'Nagini'. Reward: Potter's hand in marriage."
25. Get you owl to crap on him again, say it’s his own fault and he deserves it.
26. On Halloween dress up as a death eater and wander round the castle muttering unforgivable curses under your breath.
27. Dye Neville's hair purple then when McGonagall has a go at him go, "Actually Professor..." sigh and act as though you are about to confess, "it was all... HARRY'S fault." Throw Harry a nasty glare and sit down smirking.
28. At Xmas T.P. his dorm room, when he confronts you, insist you were "only trying to make it look more festive."
29. Set his alarm clock for random times.
30. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now.”
31. Construct elaborate "crop circles" on the quidditch pitch.
32. Make beeping noises when a large person (such as Crabbe or Goyle) backs up.
33. When you board the Hogwarts express, tell the driver you'd like to be dropped off 'at school'.
34. Frequently ask during conversation, "Are you dumb or just plain stupid?"
35. Talk to him in a really quiet voice. When he tells you to speak up, shout as loud as you can. Rotate between the two.
36. Ask Harry if his Voldemort sense is tingling
37.Draw a scar on your forehead and go, “LOOK IM THE CHOSED ONE!!" Then grab your scar as if in pain...
38.Get Harry’s books and write "Malfoy" in cursive all over it. Then when you spot the cursive all over them say, "Whooooooooooo! Harry's been snogging with his true love!"
39. Ask him how Ginny was and then when he denies everything say "well she said you sucked"
40. Go out with him then dump him for Voldemort.
41. Tell him that Voldemort has Cho Chang...watch him run off then have Cho appear behind you...(she was behind you the whole time!!) (A/n- I’m assuming this was pre-Ginny)
42. Poke his scar multiple times and ask him "does this hurt?"
43. Get a fake snake (that looks real) and hold it up to his face and ask him, "What's he saying..." When he doesn't reply call loudly “And you call yourself a parselmouth!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point your Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds."
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip! Rather Than Walk.
10. With a serious face, order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not "In The Mood."
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. Whenever someone you don't particularly like, or even if you do, touches you, recoil and look at them disgustedly while screeching at the top of your lungs: "It Burns us! It Burns us!"
Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms
2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.
3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy
10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"
11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches
13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball
14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"
15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor
17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak
19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
20) I will ont dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.
21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.
24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom
25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.
26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.
27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"
30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife
32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.
34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoyin a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
34) It is a mad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously
35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell.
36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.
38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".