Twilight-HP-LOVER
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Joined 01-11-09, id: 1801081, Profile Updated: 06-20-10
Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.

SRY IK IM AN AHOLE FOR GIVIN YALL FAKE PROMISE N WILL BEG MY BETA FOR FORGIVENESS SINCE ITS BEEN MOTHS! BUT I TOTALLY FORGOT N NEVER CHECKED MY EMAIL IM SO SORRY! :( I WILL RETURN! AS SOON AS I CAN!

Hey ppl. Karla here! well i'm a dorky girl from a boring ass town, who is obssed w/ twilight, HP,Anime, and all fiction books an movies! Weird & Random go in every sentence w/ my name in it ! lol i'm currentlyBLINDLY IN LOVE W/ MY BF THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY MY 1ST (whispers~ I know wat ur thinking but u don't get asked out if ur not a skinny preaty girl or dresses like a tom boy as i do! you know what i'm talkin' about cute face chubby waist! lol) I love writing and i'm taking classes to become a novelist, but sense english is not my first language spelling is not my forte so yep my BETA IS AWSOME Jadiona Noish HER STORIES ARE D BOMB!! :) ! i'm actually Dominican (RE:Dominican Republic) BUT I'M REALLY PALE SO I LOOK ADOPTED! pout anyhow me in a nutshell:klumzy,pale,hispanic,bookworm,a smutty romantic,anime crazed 15 yr. old! BTW GAY PRIDE !

Twilight Fav Parings:

Bella/Japer

Bella/Emmett

Bella/Alice

Bella/Edward

Edward/Bella/Jasper

Emmett/Bella/Jasper (not enough out there I'M GIVING IT A SHOT !

Alice/Bella/Rose

Carlisle/Bella

HP Fav Parings:

Hermione/Draco (they should have been together!)

Hermione/Harry

Hermione/Sirius

Hermione/Remus

Sirius/Remus

Sirius/Hermione/Remus

Hermione/Ginny

Pics from 80 yrs. Later:

1st CD cover-

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=CP-235301&cgname=OSBRPWEDEVE

2nd CD Cover-

http://cm1.theinsider.com/media/0/36/3/avril.0.0.0x0.432x405.jpeg

Bella's Bike-

http://www.totalmotorcycle.com/photos/2005models/2005-Honda-RC51.jpg

Alex's BMW- (The gray BMW)

http://cache.jalopnik.com/assets/resources/2007/03/bmw_m3_concept_1.JPG

Bella's Helmet

http://images.myleather.com/imagesproc/56609_H_SH315_MW355.jpg

The CULLEN'S house

http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/05/d0/07/vanderbilt-mansion-hyde.jpg

the point of the house is the outside is old while the inside is moderned like my future house will be!

The Culle's Livingroom

http://www.digsdigs.com/photos/living-room-natuzzi-peter.jpg

Carlisle's Lazy Boy

http://www.mandalefurniture.co.uk/ekmps/shops/mandale/images/la-z-boy-brooke-manual-reclining-chair-150-p.jpg

IN CHAPTER 6 I FORGOT TO POST BELLA'S OUTFIT OR DESCRIBE IT SRY SO HERE'S WHAT SHE WEARS IN CH6-CH8!

Bella's Blouse

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=EF-247498&page=1&cgname=OSCLOWRPZZZ&rfnbr=6494

Bella's Shoes

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=EF-246820&page=3&cgname=OSSHUBOOOTK&rfnbr=6509

Bella's Pants

http://slimages.macys.com/is/image/MCY/products/2/optimized/686622_fpx.tif?bgc=255,255,255&wid=327&qlt=90,0&layer=comp&op_sharpen=0&resMode=bicub&op_usm=0.7,1.0,0.5,0&fmt=jpeg

ALSO FORGOT THE COSTUMES!

BELLA-http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/19905.jpg

ROSE-https://www.drinkstuff.com/productimg/25627_large.jpg

ALICE-http://images.buyfairycostumes.com/sexy-fairy-costume-1.jpg

JASPER http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/00/12/96/c7/confederate-uniform-gray.jpg

EMMETT-http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_581r8lRxvuY/SYpehlb4r8I/AAAAAAAABC8/FFUvfYf_Xd0/s400/3049584041_0be014bfcf_o.jpg

EDWARD- pants:http://www.splendicity.com/sheknowsbest/files/2007/05/levis_skinny.jpg shirt:http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/417ZemBTTCL._AA280_.jpg Tie:http://www.menscience.com/blog/uploaded_images/Red-tie-725077.jpg shoes: http://makemineamojito.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/chucks_01a.jpg

EMMETT PIC I PROMISE

http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/6500000/Kellan-Lutz-twilight-series-6596177-435-600.jpg

Chapter 9

Bella's Outfit !

The Blouse: http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=EH-235181&page=10&cgname=OSCLOTOPZZZ&rfnbr=5441

Pants:(in acid-wash gray) http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=EH-251192&cgname=OSCLOFITZZZ&rfnbr=6053

Shoes: (the gray-ish ones) http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=EH-246820&page=6&cgname=OSSHUBOOVIL&rfnbr=6507

If ya hate stereotypes, labels, name calling, and think people should just shut the hell up and stop judging others, then REPOST THIS! Pick the stereotypes that fit ya the best, and bold, underline, italic, or strikethrough it when ya repost it!!

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm a VIRGIN so i MUST be prude
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so i MUST be fat.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have no clue
I am QUIET and POLITE, so I MUST be a pushover
.
I use GOOD GRAMMAR, so I MUST be a snob.
I prefer FANTASY and SCI-FI, so I MUST be out of touch with reality.
I don't act DEPRESSED, so I MUST be weird.
I am SKINNY, so I MUST be sensitive about my weight.
I agree with some cases of ABORTION so i MUST be heartless.

Stereotypes. Does anyone like them? NO! Does everyone do them anyway? YES! STOP STEREOTYPING!!

Got this from 07bellaedward's profile ...awsome!!

Twilight Oath
I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
Whenever I'm out of town
I promise to obey traffic laws
For Charlies sake of course
And I promise to remember Jacob
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Carlisle
When ever I am in the Emergency Room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to to remember Rose
Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful curly hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my emotions are unfurled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know...

THE ALICE CULLEN POEM:

Dont mess with a Cullen,
Especially me.
I know whats a coming,
Its no mystery.

My blood runs cold,
My eyes are golden brown.
Im what you call immortal
My skills are world renown.

Im small, Im short,
Im really good at sport.

Im sweet, Im kind,
And jasper is all mine.

I sparkle like a diamond,
When Im in the sun.
I drive Italian sports cars,
Being a vamps so much fun

You ought to meet my family,
Theres no need to fear.
Instead of sucken humans,
We would prefer a deer.

Were not among the living,
So we dont need to sleep.
So, hey, lets through a party,
And come in Emmetts jeep.

I think a storm is brewing,
And Edwards really keen.
To through around a baseball,
Come and join the team.

Rose is really gorgeous,
But her tempers really bad.
But youll love Carlisle and Esme,
My vampire Mum and Dad.

The best thing I saw comin,
My sister Bella Swan.
They went to Isle Esme,
And now Nessie is born.

One thing we put up with,
For Nessies salvation.
Is Jakes stinky wolf pack,
Livin on the reservation.

Oh, yea, I see the future,
The world is set on fire.
And everyones talkin,
Bout the author Stephenie Meyer.

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.

Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie
Carebears
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.

I'll stαч up tιll TШILIGHT
To sєє thє NΣW MOON
And ιf I'm luckч
I'll sєє thє ΣCLIPSΣ
At BЯΣΛKING DΛWN
And thє wholє tιmє
I'm sιttιng with чou
Undєr thє MIDNIGHT SUN

NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
TWILIGHT FANS: would rather rely on Alice for future predictions

NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!
TWILIGHT FANS: say OH MY EDWARD!! (OME)

NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
TWILIGHT FANS: know that Jasper already can sense their feelings without saying a word

NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you!
TWILIGHT FANS: say shut up or i'll get james to kill you

NORMAL PEOPLE: think that vampires are all like Dracula
TWILIGHT FANS: know A LOT better and absolutely love the Cullen vampires

NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
TWILIGHT FANS: when being chased yell EDWARD SAVE ME!!

NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
TWILIGHT FANS: know that the Cullens might be playing baseball somewhere and Emmett was just at bat ; )

NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
TWILIGHT FANS: would go directly to FORKS WASHINGTON

NORMAL PEOPLE:dont have this on there profile
TWILIGHT FANS: MUST have this on there profile!

You know you’ve seen or read twilight too many times when:

1. You go around asking hot guys to bite you

2. You put on pale white cosmetics and say you’re a Cullen

3. You ask a Native American guy if he can turn into a giant dog

4. You dream about Edward and you getting married. Same thing applies to Jasper right?!

5. You jump off a cliff and think Edward will save you.(DO not try that you moron, you may get yourself killed)

6. You steal a silver Volvo and drive around like a maniac

7. You name your child Edward, Jasper, or Emmett

8. You bite your hand and say that James turned you.

9. You fall madly in love with a two year old (like I want to marry you fall in love, or imprint)

10. You’re nuts and crazy

11. You can think you can fry an egg on your forehead.(please don’t try that)

12. You try to fly

13. You sang what was on 12

14. You try to attack and kill a mountain lion with your bear hands.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you are absolutely in love with Jasper, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever wanted to be that little hyper pixie of Alice, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are addicted to FanFiction, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever acted like a paranoid fool because you believe (or wish) that the Twilight characters exist, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If several inanimate objects hate you, post this on profile

If you know you have an unhealthy obsession with any or all of the Cullens, but you don't really care because you don't want to heal quite frankly, post this. (Yes, I do, okay? Get over it! I don't care! ;) )

If whenever you see or hear the name 'Edward' you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much and then people stare at you and tell you to shut up and let it go, post this.

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If the only thing you think about is the Twilight series copy and past this to your profile.

If you are in LOVE with Jasper Whitlock Hale copy and paste this to your profile.

If your in love with a fictional character (like any of the Cullen brothers plus Carlisle XD) copy and paste this to your profile.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone:

1.. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". dang right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it?! Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'm Gonna Kick their butts!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the movies and stare at the dang floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What the heck can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, idiot?

Find a guy whos calls you beautiful instead of hot,

Who calls you back when you hang up on him,

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,

Who holds your hand in public and in front of his friends and family.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he loves you and how lucky he is to have you.

If you think that describes Edward Cullen, copy it into your profile.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up.

He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism!

Funny Stuff

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Friend's will always be like “well you deserve better” but best friends will be prank calling him saying “you will die in seven days”

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

EMO kids have cool hair.

EMO=Extravagantly Made Origami

BEARS=Butt Extremely Annoying Retard Scientists

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

Why is Donkey Kong called “DONKEY” Kong if he’s a monkey?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

No, I don’t have PMS. I just really hate you.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.

“Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You
guessed it. Guess what’s next? You guessed it...”

“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.--It's really sick to think of Ron's line in HP7 after reading this like I just did...

Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball makes big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

Therapist = the/rapist... scary thought.

Don’t call me emo or I’ll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I’ll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world...maybe...

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you’re bored

Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.

It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.

So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.

If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

Set sail in a general that way direction.

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Music is love in search of word.

Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?

Whose cruel idea was it for the words ‘lisp’ to have an‘s’ in it?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there ... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?

Isn’t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

“Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?”

Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?

Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?

“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”

Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.

The sun has set, the moon has risen, today’s the day we get out of prison!!

You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick.

He said I love you, I sneezed and said sorry I’m allergic to bull.

I’ll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet.

You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake."
Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!"

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don’t obsess! I think intensely.

Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

I’m so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

When I say LOL I’m not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say.

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing “I’m Off to See the Wizard” when sent to the Headmasters office.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Stupid shiny Volvo owner.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

“When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.”

“Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else”

“Real girls aren’t perfect, perfect girls aren’t real.”

“I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.”

“What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.”

“Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

“A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying ‘Man, that was fun!’”

“If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.”

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because ‘They’ve seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.’ These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Death is God’s way of saying “You’re fired.”
Suicide is Human’s way of saying “You can’t fire me- I quit!”

If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
If ya can’t join ‘em, bribe ‘em.
If ya can’t bribe ‘em, blackmail ‘em.
If ya can’t blackmail ‘em, kill ‘em.
If ya can’t kill ‘em, you’re screwed.

Unfortunately, you can’t die of a broken heart.

Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.

“He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.”

“If you know me, chances are you hate me.”

“I’m the kind of person your parents warned you about.”

“Why are some girls so naive? He didn’t unbutton your shirt to see a better view of your heart.”

“When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you”

“Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will hurt my inner child”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover or a person by their scars”BUT JASPER IS THE BOMB! THE OTHERS ARE EMO! LOL!

“It’s not until you’re broken that you know what you’re made of.”

“Tired of living and scared of dying.”

“It requires MORE courage to suffer than to die.”

“You said that you would die for me, you must live for me too”.

“To die is nothing but a long goodbye.”

“This isn’t just goodbye, this is I can’t stand you.”

“I hear your silence loud and clear.”

“The past is only the future with the lights on.”

“Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a fork" Iprefersporksmyself...

"Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air (Theme Song)"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVbQo3IOC_A

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rog8ou-ZepE

Yo VIP let's kick it

Ice ice baby (x2)
All right stop collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Dance go rush to the speaker that booms
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better hit bull's eye the kid don't play
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

CHORUS
Ice ice baby vanillla (x4)

Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in and the vegas are pumpin'
Quick to the point to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning them if you ain't quick and nimble
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
And a hi-hat with a souped up tempo
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo
Rollin' in my 5.0
With my rag-top down so my hair can blow
The girlies on standby waving just to say hi
Did you stop no I just drove by
Kept on pursuing to the next stop
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block
The block was dead
Yo so I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine
Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine
Reading for the chumps on the wall
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of eight balls
Gunshots rang out like a bell
I grabbed my nine all I heard were shells
Falling on the concrete real fast
Jumped in my car slammed on the gas
Bumpet to bumper the avenue's packed
I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack
Police on the scene you know what I mean
They passed me up confronted all the dope fiends
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

REPEAT CHORUS

Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it
My town that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed
This is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step with this
Shay plays on the fade slice like a ninja
Cut like a razor blade so fast other DJs say damn
If my rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while Shay revolves it

Ice ice baby vanilla
Ice ice baby (oh-oh) vanilla
Ice ice baby vanilla
Ice ice baby vanilla ice
Yo man let's get out of here
Word to your mother
Ice ice baby too cold
Ice ice baby too cold too cold (x2)
Ice ice baby.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Hell sleep over by IceFlight17119 reviews
The twins pull a prank that blows up the griffindor common room forcing them to be split up into other houses. Sparks fly leading into strong bonds and the revealing of spiteful curses and unexpected twists. Dramonie n other pairings Give it a chance!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 42,494 - Reviews: 240 - Favs: 184 - Follows: 234 - Updated: 7/8/2011 - Published: 7/29/2008 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Calefaction by ExploitingReality reviews
Bella, adopted by the Cullens as an infant, has grown into an integral part of their family. When she disappears one afternoon, they desperately retrieve her. But something is amiss and everything is changing. Ed x Bel x Jas. M for later chapters.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 203,127 - Reviews: 2140 - Favs: 1,211 - Follows: 1,215 - Updated: 1/6/2011 - Published: 4/2/2009 - Bella, Jasper
The Immortal Shapeshifter by Team Alice-Bella reviews
Bella is heartbroken and alone in the woods when Laurent finds here. She meets up with Victoria and their new “cat” friend. 350 years later Continued inside....
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,215 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 192 - Updated: 12/22/2010 - Published: 8/21/2009 - Alice, Bella
One Wrong Move by Mina-Elaine reviews
Hermione just doesnt know what to do anymore. Harry and Ron seem to have forgotten her b/c of their gf'a Ginny and Luna. Hermione doesn't think life's worth the living and while trying to get killed by the Womping Willow, Draco saves her only to confess..
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,355 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 6/13/2010 - Published: 4/18/2009 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Sheer Crimson by Jadiona reviews
It’s been three years since Edward left. Bella now is engaged to be married, and is a singer. Her fiancé’s a vampire, but he isn’t like the Cullen’s. Bella’s still a human, will she eventually return to Edward or is it too late.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 33 - Words: 45,606 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 6/3/2010 - Published: 8/17/2009 - Bella, Edward
Closed by BizzareDragon reviews
The Ministry orders immediate evacuation of Hogwarts under mysterious reasons. Draco and Hermione are trapped in a closet during the clearing. When they get out, they are the only ones left for two months. What happens next? And why was the school closed?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 44,300 - Reviews: 367 - Favs: 258 - Follows: 348 - Updated: 6/1/2010 - Published: 1/9/2005 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Missing Piece by marieXcullen reviews
Edward left Bella alone and broken. Rosalie left Emmett for Edward. Bella and Emmett help heal each other, but what happens when the Cullens return? Will Edward and Rosalie want their old mates back?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 76,383 - Reviews: 494 - Favs: 327 - Follows: 180 - Updated: 4/11/2010 - Published: 6/25/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
missunderstanding by gigglefaries101 reviews
on a hot sticky night bella relieves some tension only to attract an unexpected visitor what can come from this missunderstanding some m rated fun maybe ;- review please
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 7 - Words: 30,202 - Reviews: 176 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 226 - Updated: 3/26/2010 - Published: 4/22/2009 - Bella, Emmett
Beyond Angry by NCChris reviews
Bella has had enough of Edward's controlling ways. What happens when she realizes he might not be the Cullen for her? "For the Love of Jasper" Contest entry.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,644 - Reviews: 139 - Favs: 516 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 11/15/2009 - Published: 8/31/2009 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Death and Desire by The Lady J reviews
Jasper finds Bella in the forest bleeding after Edward leaves in NM. For the Love of Jasper contest
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,406 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 268 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 10/5/2009 - Published: 8/30/2009 - Jasper, Bella - Complete
Phoenix Sworn by Zarah Lorelight reviews
Why can vampires stay in the sunlight? This story follows the story of a girl bitten by a rogue werewolf who finds herself immersed in affairs of the vampires. This story is NOT centered around any of the major characters from the series. R&R, please.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,193 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 9/17/2009 - Published: 3/23/2009
Better by Write Elizabeth reviews
Dramione Lemon. No real plot, just smut. May be a part two.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,177 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 7/20/2009 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete
Heiress of the Dark Lord by CJ Wellington reviews
Now known to the world as the Dark Lord’s Daughter, Hermione is forced to choose between the two things she loves most: Her father or her friends. And when her friends turn their back on her, Hermione’s tears a dried by the boy who has disgraced her for..
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 47,206 - Reviews: 266 - Favs: 448 - Follows: 238 - Updated: 7/20/2009 - Published: 12/29/2006 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete
Bella Bunks With The Pack by kangaroo12 reviews
Bella attends Dartmouth but when her roommate is kicked out she is forced to move in with former friend Jacob and his friends. What will happen when Bella realizes Jacob isn't the same innocent guy she remembers?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,480 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 123 - Updated: 6/6/2009 - Published: 9/11/2008 - Jacob, Bella
Yes Father by sirenastarot reviews
Kittenmischief Contest Entry. Bella seduces Father Carlisle.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,829 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 267 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 5/12/2009 - Published: 3/21/2009 - Carlisle, Bella - Complete
King of Cups KittenMischief Contest Entry by sirenastarot reviews
Bella and Alice are a very happy couple, but a run in with a fortune teller could have them questioning if they are right for each other. Rated M for girl/girl action and a smutty threesome.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,518 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 147 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 5/12/2009 - Published: 1/20/2009 - Bella, Alice - Complete
Why Bella Can't Deal With Normalcy by Ebb reviews
Edward never comes back in New moon, and Bella eventually marries Mike. Four years later, Edward is back. Previously, I was asked for more foreplay. I did my best… Guaranteed PROOFREAD/GRAMMAR CHECKED. VERY mature EDWARD/BELLA. Warning: infidelity.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,451 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Bella, Edward
To Dream by ExploitingReality reviews
Jasper’s stuck watching over Bella while Edward is away. He discovers there is more to the human girl than he’d anticipated. Jasper x Bella one shot. Rated: M for adult themes and situations.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,028 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 337 - Follows: 55 - Published: 3/18/2009 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
The Accident by AngelicMelly reviews
What would happen if there was a horrible accident and Bella was badly hurt. Who will be there to help her recover? BellaxEmmett; M for later chapters!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,329 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 2/12/2009 - Published: 1/10/2009 - Bella, Emmett
The Manly Art of Wenching by TheThreeSmutketeers reviews
The Three Musketeers and their new companion have stopped at a tavern to drown their woes and bask in the company of some very willing women. In the process, their new companion gets a much needed lesson in the manly art of wenching. SMUTx4
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 14,643 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 121 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 2/5/2009 - Published: 2/1/2009
A Very Dangerous Game by hermoine snape reviews
RL/HG One shot. Hermione has wanted her DADA professors since she started school. She's finally decide to take action. "Hermione see me after class." Professor Lupin told her. Read to see what was so dangerous! Complete!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 878 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 22 - Published: 10/28/2008 - Remus L., Hermione G. - Complete
Butterfly Kisses by Queenbeth2 reviews
AU.When he was changed, Carlisle left behind a little girl. Bella shows up 300 years later and ends up finding a little more than a happy reunion with her father when she meets Edward. Can he deal with someone wanting his baby girl? ExB please read!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 48,287 - Reviews: 860 - Favs: 1,645 - Follows: 488 - Updated: 10/15/2008 - Published: 9/6/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Who Knew reviews
Edward left Bella on their wedding day,A broken Bella tried to take her life while a desperate Emmett tries to stop her, why is Alice feeling guilty? And why is Jasper so understanding and so worried for Bella’s wellbeing? R&R OC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,242 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 4/11/2010 - Published: 1/5/2010 - Bella
80 Years Later reviews
Edward never came back in New Moon, 80 years later he hears the lead singer from a new band called Twilight, could this be Bella the love he left behind? if she is will she forgive him/ or is it too late? R&R Rated M for Lemons to come XD
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 11,895 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 2/11/2010 - Published: 3/2/2009 - Bella, Edward