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Joined 01-15-09, id: 1805620, Profile Updated: 11-16-09
Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.

Well, let's see... I'm OBSESSED with the Jonas Brothers (Nick especially), I know EVERYTHING there is to know about Nick. I'm also obsessed with Twilight! I know everything about Twilight too! I LOVE LOVE LOVE singing and acting and music in general! I'm going to get married at age 23 (to a special guy, you know who you are ;D) to a football player, own a boutique, and we're gonna own a serval.


"HELP! I'm running out of flair space!"

"Brazzlefrat, Bendleshnitz."

"If i ever have Tylers heart it will be in the palm of my hand still beating blood outside his veins."

Emily: "That's your 'in order' voice." Me: "That's my mommy voice!" XD

Me: "I'm writing a letter, i can't write a letter, why can't i write a letter? I'm wearing a red skirt i wish i was wearing my black skirt, my black skirt is in the wash, the germans wore gray, you wore blue, casablanca. I've never seen casablanca but i hear it's such a good movie, casablance, the white house, Bush. Why don't we drive a hybrid car? We should really drive a hybrid car, (by this time my bff emily has covered my mouth with her ) hand...i'm still talking...) i should really own a bycicle. Bycicle, unicycle, unitard, hockeypuck, rattlesnake, monkey monkey underpants." My theater class: "O.O"

1. How does the world see me?

Switch-Ashley Tisdale ?? what's that mean?

2. Will I have a happy life?

My New Philosophy-Kristen Chenoweth ...What!?

3. What do people really think of me?

Halloween-Misfits ...Snort/Snicker...

4. Do people secretly lust after me?

It's A Mystery-Hex Girls Great -.-

5. How can I make others happy?

Dig It-D Tent Boys o.O

6. How can I make myself happy?

Gimme Gimme Gimme (A man after midnight)-Mamma Mia Sigh =\

7. What should I do with my life?

Me Against The World-Superchick ...what??

8. Will I ever have children?

Manic Monday-Bangles that a yes?

9. What is some good advice for me?

I Can't Stay Away-The Veronicas ...This is wrong I should be gone? o.O

10. What do I think my current theme song is?

Get On Your Feet-Show Me The Skyline No.

11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

Mamma Mia-Mamma Mia =O Why??

12. What song will play at my funeral?

Last Resort-Papa Roach Did I Fucking kill myself!?

13. What type of men/women do you like?

Leave Out All The Rest-Linkin Park ...Qua?

14. What is my day going to be like?

Overrated-Ashley Tisdale Great. Just perfect -.-

15. Why am I here?

Don't Be Shy-Another Cinderella Story Wtf?

16. What will people remember me for?

Wise Up Janet Weis-Rocky Horror Picture Show Um...I'll be a star of a production of Rocky Horror? lol

17. What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?

I Wanna-All American Rejects Eh...

18. Are there people outside waiting to take me away?

Astro Zombies-My Chemical Romance O.O Looks around nervously

19. What will this year be all about?

Billie Jean-Michael Jackson Michael Jackson? Yeah pretty much...

18 - If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream:

Bella's Lullaby-Carter Burwell Hmm...I'm gonna scream an instrumental song...LA LA LA LALA LA LA LAAAA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAA XD

19 - The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:

God Blessed The Broken Road-Rascal Flatts Probably not actually...

20 - Your message to the world:

Hit Me With Your Best Shot-Pat Benetar XD XD XD XD XD

21 - Your deepest secret:

Dive In-Christy Carlson Romano Um...What?

22 - Your innermost desire:

Rhythm Is Gonna Get Ya-Gloria Estefan Uh, NO.

23 - Your oldest memory makes you think:

Bang A Drum-Selena Gomez No actually...

24 - Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:
Since You Been Gone-Kelly Clarkson =O I HOPE NOT!

25 - When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:

God Is A Dj-P!nk No. I don't.

26 - Right now, your feelings are:

Little Miss Obsessive-Ashlee Simpson What? No...Not right now...

27 - The day you fall in love will be the day that:

Holiday-Green Day On a holiday? LIKE HALLOWEEN!? :D

28 - You scream during sex:

Backstreet's Back-Backstreet Boys I have a very weird sex life don't I? o.O

29- You’d describe you best friend as:

Slam Dunk The Funk...Giggle Snort Snicker Laugh XD XD XD

30- Your friends describe you as:

Take Me On The Floor-The Veronicas =O Thanks alot guys!! >:l

31- In an elevator you are most likely to:

Veronica-LFO What!? That doesn't make sense!

32- Your philophisy in life is:

Little Priest-Sweeney Todd It's priest, Have a little priest...

33 - Your farewell message to the readers of this:

Time Stands Still-All American Rejects ...Ok then...

My name is Lucifer

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong

I can’t speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren’t home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe ill just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He’s already locked it

And i start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I’m sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While i lay there motionless

Brawled on the floor

My name is Lucifer

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

Now i roam the underworld,

to help those in need.

I may seem evil,

but i'm not.

And if you read this

and don’t pass it on

I pray for your forgiveness

Because you would have to be

AOne heartless person

To not be effected

By this Poem

And because you are effected,

Do something about it!

So all i ask you to do

Is pass this on!


If you want Bella to turn into a vampire, copy and paste this into your profile

95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you like pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon, Copy and paste this to your profile

If you think that disclaimers are the most annoying things EVER Copy and paste this to your profile

If you've ever burst into song for no reason Copy and paste this to your profile

If you know someone that should be hit by a bus Copy and paste this to your profile

If you think that Twilight is the best book know to woman... (And man!) Copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Edward)...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over a WATCH YOUR STEP sign...copy/paste this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a mirror...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you flip whenever you see someone reading a Twilight series book and you want to talk to them all about it, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are Team Edward, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friends are considering torturing you because you won't shut up about the Twilight series, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think the semi-colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you think Bella is out of her mind for saying no to Edward's proposal in New Moon and you want to hit her hard upside the head with a blunt axe, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile...and then scream a color.

If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile. (my record is 8)

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you agree with Bella that her life without Edward is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.


If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

If one of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this to your profile.

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If you like Subway, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you spend multiple hours a day reading or writing or a combination of both, copy this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do drugs and alcohol. If you like bagels, copy this into your profile.

93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

If you get ticked and throw a fit until all the people in the room leave because someone said the characters of Twilight aren't real, copy this onto your profile

If you are addicted to copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager grls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.


I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you call everyone in the phone book that has the last name Cullen. Crazy is when you honestly belive Edward exists. Crazy is when you wanna be a character from Twilight so badly you start dressing, acting, walking, and talking like them. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you went to sleep at around 2 am reading Twilight and/or New Moon, copy and pastes this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid a--.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier, hotter and spicier Than You since 1901

I read Eclipse and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD

OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. That and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile (Hee hee, Twilight...and the Jonas Brothers...)

If you have ever been looking for something, only to find that it's in your hand, copy and paste this into your profile.

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.

Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway.

On a package of peanuts: open package, eat nuts. (What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)

On a child's Superman costume: Warning: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly. (I blame the parents for that one)

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide

are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - bitch - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 isn't there.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the bouquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

Mommy..Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost

Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)

1. Only in
America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the

4. Only in people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put
our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
of eight.

9. Only in we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in they have
drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

there were 3girls

They were looking through peoples

The girl slowly came upon this one

It had creatures in the background and the man
looked like a psycho.

She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.

Right then, an instant message came up.

It said:

SatanStalker: So how do u like my

XxLoVemExX: What??

XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??

SatanStalker: Well, you should know;
youre looking at my MySpace right now.

XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??

SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.

XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make
any sense, how?

SatanStalker: I just do.

Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you.

Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say.

At the time the girl was wearing high

She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what
ever she could. Her and her friend started to get
worried now.

XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me.

SatanStalker: You should be afraid.

SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you
just said about me with your friend like a
minute ago.

They were in shock.

Her friend: Holy crap man just block him
hes a fcking psycho!

The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes
watching us?

SatanStalker: I am.

SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really
matter if you blocked me anyway; it wouldnt stop me
from coming to your house.

XxLoVemExX: What? My house?

SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its
not a problem.

XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out.

SatanStalker: Your screen name says
love me, trust me that wont be a problem.

SatanStalker has just signed off.

The girl and her friend were really
scared. Girls

friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone.

They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight.

All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok.

Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was
still in the bathroom and was wondering what was up.

She goes and knocks but no one said

she opens it and finds her friend there on
the ground dead. She started to scream but when she
turned around he was there. News the next morning said that there was one girl dead in the bathroom;

her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head.

If you do not repost this in the next two
minutes here will be three men, one in your

one in your room, and one killing your parents at that
very moment.

Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for?

Repost or you are going to die.

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Whoever said, "Nothing's impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.

Being mature is overrated.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide!

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?

A Real Boyfriend

When she stares at your mouth

Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you

Grab her and dont let go

When she starts cursing at you tryin to act all tuff

Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet

Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you

Give her your attention

When she pulls away

Pull her back

When you see her at her worst

Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying

Just hold her and dont say a word

When you see her walking

Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared

Protect her

When she steals your favorite hat

Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you

Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time

reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt

Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you


When she grabs at your hands

Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you;

bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret

keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes

dont look away until she does

When she says it's over

she still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this bulletin

she wants you to read it

- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :

Call you.

Kiss you.

Love you.

Text you.

Guys post as: "I'd be this Boyfriend."

Girls post as: "A real Boyfriend."

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
Are you done?
If so, scroll down
(don't cheat--)
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are
3. If your initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you
fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but
the memories will last forever.
July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life
changing experience for the good.
Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your
5. If you choose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time
but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do
anything for you, but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.
8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.
9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

Your One and Only Wish
Do it one by one, don't look ahead!

A poem about Child Abuse

This is a quiz i did, where you put your ipod/itunes/mp3 player on random then answer the questions according to what song it plays next.

Quotes from real convos I've had (i apologize in advance, alot of them won't make sense even WITH an explanation):

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Twilight in a Nutshell by Mits reviews
Parody summary of the Twilight Series.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,400 - Reviews: 291 - Favs: 144 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 9/18/2012 - Published: 12/7/2008 - Complete
Notes Galore! by Nosuchthingashappilyeverafter reviews
What happens when you mix a very hyper Bella, a pad of paper and a pen? THIS! Baisiclly, the Cullen's start passing note instead of talking. Very random, very, very OOC. Very funny. So, please read and reveiw.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 121 - Words: 40,684 - Reviews: 2744 - Favs: 393 - Follows: 199 - Updated: 4/29/2012 - Published: 6/7/2008 - Complete
CullenIzing Instant Message by Ashley Victoria-OrphanAshley reviews
Funny Instant Message chapters with the Cullens'. And Chapter Two, Jacob!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 5,232 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 5/5/2011 - Published: 9/4/2008
Make Her Yours Forever by axmidnightxsun reviews
An ecounter during the night has Bella and Edward moaning for pleasure. "You are mine." Rated M for language and lemon. NOW EXPANDED
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,269 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 8/5/2010 - Published: 3/14/2010 - Edward, Bella
Vampires and Notes by SlytherinHippie reviews
A collection of hilarious and crazy notes passed between the Twilight gang! Features a nutty Bella, the same old hot Edward, a sane Rosalie, Jasper the nerd, THE white vampire trash Carlisle, a perverted Aro, your favorite wolf, and Bella's pet rock Bob.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 18 - Words: 11,121 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 7/30/2010 - Published: 3/1/2009 - Edward, Bella
in from the cold by timidvampire reviews
Bella arrived at Grandma Cullen's house seeking shelter one stormy evening. She was surprised at what and who she found there. All human. a little swearing and some lemons to follow. MA
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 33,458 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 6/3/2010 - Published: 3/14/2010 - Bella, Edward
Graveyard Shift, Part 1 by bee87 reviews
What happens when Bella is brought in to Edward's ER. Twilight Characters in an ER universe. AH/AU/OOC Lemons. Part 1 of a 2 part story. WARNING if you don't wish to invest your time in reading a story that doesn't have a HEA do not read this story
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 41 - Words: 90,878 - Reviews: 463 - Favs: 297 - Follows: 227 - Updated: 4/21/2010 - Published: 3/16/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The List by LauraACullen reviews
Four weeks before her wedding to Edward, Bella is frustrated. She knows there's little-to-no chance of getting him to bend his rules and boundaries now, but there's no harm in fantasizing about what could happen later. So she begins compiling a list...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 28 - Words: 195,361 - Reviews: 2923 - Favs: 5,459 - Follows: 1,970 - Updated: 3/18/2010 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
My happy Place? by SatinEdge reviews
Lemons! When Bella finds herself in an abusive marriage will a trip to the ER help her find happiness when she meets Dr. Cullen? Can they find away to get Bella out of James' grasp or will Edward lose her forever? FYI story includes graphic rape COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 15 - Words: 36,546 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 2/16/2010 - Published: 11/24/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Randomness with the Cullens by ALICE-MARIE-HALE reviews
What happens when the Cullen's and my imagination get bored? Total chaos! That's what! Karaoke, Pranks, Llama Suits and for some strange reason a can canning poodle...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 19 - Words: 14,275 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 12/20/2009 - Published: 12/8/2008
Stopping Time, Keeping Love by smmiskimen reviews
Starts on Bella's 18th birthday. Instead of Edward stopping Jasper in time, he bites Bella and... what happens? Does Bella become a vampire? What will Edward do? Read and find out. First fan fic be nice!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 53,975 - Reviews: 461 - Favs: 571 - Follows: 162 - Updated: 12/2/2009 - Published: 7/9/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Endless Love by NightLife reviews
This is a bundle of ONESHOTS that i have written about our favourite couple Alice and Jasper. R&R please.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 47,740 - Reviews: 154 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 10/29/2009 - Published: 2/26/2009 - Alice, Jasper
Pink Fluffy Pencil Case by CrystalBrooke reviews
AH. No one talks to Edward Cullen. He's the weird emo kid with the sexy hair and black skinny jeans. He denies he wears guyliner, but he totally does. Bella is the new girl, and doesn't get why he hates her. Never judge a person by their pencil case...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 47,495 - Reviews: 2802 - Favs: 2,101 - Follows: 1,249 - Updated: 9/17/2009 - Published: 1/12/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Love is wrong by FuturMrs.President reviews
Cursed to love, and to be loved Joe Gray thought he would never be happy... then he met Miley. She's like a drug, He's knows it's wrong but he just can't get enough.
Hannah Montana - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 40,280 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 9/7/2009 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Hannah M./Miley S., Robbie R. S.
Emmett and Duck the duck by CullenGirlz reviews
Yes this is another story about Emmet and his crazy adventures. He meets a duck but is the duck friend or foe. Just read it!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,527 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 9/3/2009 - Published: 2/10/2009 - Emmett
After The Turn Escapades by MaeCullen17 reviews
This is the sequel to "Before The Turn Escapades". It's a series of adventures that Bella and Edward take after her change into a vampire. Very Lemony, just the way you like it!: May get OOC. I won't be continuing this sincere apologies.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,915 - Reviews: 108 - Favs: 185 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 8/13/2009 - Published: 7/20/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Shadowed Life by Passionate86 reviews
Life after BD- BxE, Edwards past comes back to haunt him, and Bella, punishment finally for the evil Jane and a prophecy fit for a Queen, how will bella cope with everything and will happen to the old coot Aro? Rated M for sexual content etc. please revie
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 22 - Words: 59,707 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 7/20/2009 - Published: 12/18/2008 - Bella, Edward
Before The Turn Escapades by MaeCullen17 reviews
A collection of "romantic" escapades of Edward & Bella before he turns her. *She never get's pregnant on Isle Esme* Pretty true to character. Lemons galore! Stay tuned for "After The Turn"! **Check out my other stories!**
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 50,833 - Reviews: 344 - Favs: 403 - Follows: 166 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 5/1/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Undoable Mistakes by nickandcory reviews
Miley thought she had it all, boyfriend, popularity. That all changes when she's taunted by a smiley face. She's faced to hide the fact that she was violated. What will happen when she has to move to New Jersey? Moe. Legal, Joe Doe. Nominated for award.
Hannah Montana - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 30 - Words: 74,443 - Reviews: 583 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 7/7/2009 - Published: 6/13/2008 - Complete
Vampire Academy Meets Twilight! by IronHeartAlchemist reviews
What happens when the cast of Vampire Academy, Twilight, and me and my cousin Ash get an IM? This is what happens! I'll try to update it as often as possible but subscribe and tune in for my hilarious VA meets Twilight meets me and my hilarious cousin!
Crossover - Twilight & Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,030 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 6/21/2009 - Published: 2/27/2009
AIM With the Cullens by Roxy-x-Wayland reviews
Emmet loves Hannah Montana things, Jacob thinks Bella loves him and Alice is, well Alice. Read to find out more!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,323 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 6/21/2009 - Published: 2/20/2009
Twicked: A TwilightWicked Musical by Jembee reviews
Songs from Wicked the Musical changed to fit the plot of Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 2,773 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 5/23/2009 - Published: 11/25/2008
Drama for a Momma by nickandcory reviews
Sequel to 'Undoable Mistakes'. The journey after the most important question of Miley's life.People of her past come back to make things complicated. This fic is LEGAL, because NO LAST NAMES are mentioned. MOE, NickxOC
Hannah Montana - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,936 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 4/7/2009 - Published: 1/29/2009 - Hannah M./Miley S.
Her Private Concert by AnotherStupidLamb reviews
OOC, All Human. We arrive in the middle of Duke University in North Carolina. Edward, a musical arts major, finds Bella, a photography major, watching his every move. Who's this eccentric, mysterious woman?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 41,770 - Reviews: 290 - Favs: 344 - Follows: 156 - Updated: 3/29/2009 - Published: 8/31/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
How I Wish by bitten-sln reviews
Edward is trying to distract himself while Bella is in the shower eventually gives up trying. takes place after Eclipse, Bella is still human
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 14,635 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 3/22/2009 - Published: 5/13/2008
Aim with the cullens by DeadlyPrecious reviews
What Happens when all the cullens n bella get aim
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 3,727 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 3/22/2009 - Published: 11/12/2008
Random Cullen Parodies by Lenny-Ze-DuckX reviews
Toast? Goodwill? A blue polka-dotted duck? oh my, the Cullens and their er... moments.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 621 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/27/2009
AIM with the Cullens! by renesmee2 reviews
AIM with the Cullens Uh-Oh this can't be good! Really funny! Well I think it is! PLZ REVIEW!
A Grief Observed - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 359 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/21/2009 - Complete
We Both Go Down Together by AilingTrees reviews
Dreams were fickle things. Edward/Bella. An emotional Lemon.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,263 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 1/20/2009 - Published: 10/23/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
From Twilight to Breaking Dawn Karaoke by IWillBeBlackStar reviews
I have captured everyone from the Twilight Saga and now they are forced to karaoke! Britney Spears, Paramore, Nickelback and more!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,203 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 1/19/2009 - Published: 8/18/2008
Notes and Roleplaying by Kayla Elise
Just me and my friends messing around, Role-Playing all twilight characters. Hilarious! R&R PLZ!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,316 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/13/2009
Until I Close My Eyes by DreamingAvidly reviews
Oneshot, fluffy but definitely mature! Bella doesn't want Edward to go Hunting, and Edward doesn't want to leave her with any uncertainties. Mature- Edward/Bella- Pre Breaking Dawn
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,155 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 6 - Published: 1/11/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Cullen Style? by all knowing since 1901 reviews
Random AIM chats, moments, and funny one-shots with the cullens :
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,408 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 12/18/2008 - Published: 11/24/2008
All I Want for Christmas by Kitschisme reviews
My submission for BritishBitches' Official Twilight Smutvent Calendar 2008. Details and summary inside. Rated M for a delicious lemon flavored candy cane.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,996 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 35 - Published: 12/16/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Mistletoe Kisses by CrystalBrooke reviews
1Shot, AH, Funny. Charlie throws a 'hip' Christmas party, to Bella's mortification. Beatboxing and 2Pac...enough said. But who's the sexy guy, and why is he wearing such an atrocious snowman shirt? And who knew mistletoe could cause such a drama? B&E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,047 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 346 - Follows: 49 - Published: 12/16/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Don't Worry, It's Only Kinky The First Time by Edward's Necrophiliac reviews
What happens when our favourite Twilight pair are sharing a sweet and cute moment? What if Edward, our lovable, old-fashioned Edward, was thinking naughty things all the while? The real dirty side of Edward and his hot fantasies. ExB Smut.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,359 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 127 - Follows: 29 - Published: 11/30/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Cullens Ringtones by DeadlyPrecious reviews
has bd charactors. really random but funny ringtones for the cullens
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 360 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/26/2008 - Complete
AIM with the Cullen Family and Friends by OCDtwilighter reviews
These are AIM conversations between all the wonderful Twilight characters and Lauren and Jake and Leah . Emmett shows us a new side of him in EVERY chapter! Possibly some lemons if I get enough reviews... Anyway, I suck at summaries, so just read it!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 5,445 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 10/17/2008 - Published: 8/20/2008 - Emmett
I Like Ducks! by Victoriaisdabomb reviews
This is a funny story about bella going to the store and getting eaten by vampires! ENJOY!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,262 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 10/4/2008 - Complete
The Talk by Ellenedwardforever reviews
In Eclipse when Charlie has the sex talk with Bella. Edward eavesdrops. Read and review! Edward's POV. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 752 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 121 - Follows: 23 - Published: 8/10/2008 - Emmett, Edward - Complete
The First Night by rideaspider reviews
Edward & Bella's wedding night. Really long one-shot. Big. Fat. SMUT. Warning. or Lemon warning, if you prefer that term Either way - this is NC-17 at best.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,600 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 23 - Published: 7/10/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Home by bellastwilight4 reviews
Edward left Bella but wants to go home
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 956 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 9 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Edward, Bella
Which Twilight Boy is Gay? by LolliliciousLolly reviews
So who is it? Edward? Mike Newton? Quil or Embry? WHICH ONE, DAMMIT? A parody of the well known and well mocked I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys...haha. Love Lolly
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 312 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/27/2008 - Edward, Jacob - Complete
Sex Education With Emmett by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Emmett gives Bella the sex talk. One-shot Rated for safety. Winner of Best One-Shot short for Twilight Awards.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,024 - Reviews: 421 - Favs: 739 - Follows: 106 - Published: 5/5/2008 - Complete
Under the Sheets by LolliliciousLolly reviews
Another Twilight parody to the tune of "Under the Sea" from the little mermaid. Bella's just bitter that Edward won't have sexy time with her. Stupid, inconsiderate vampire!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 432 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/4/2008 - Complete
Karaoke Revenge! by Awesa-mazin-licious reviews
Alice invites everone Bella and the Cullens know to a Karaoke party! What will happen? Read and find out! Chapter twelve FINALY up! Sorry it took so long, but, ya know, school just started, so what can ya do? Changed the rating too.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 15,248 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 9/5/2007 - Published: 7/22/2007
Key to Souls by sweet little nothing reviews
Bella goes to the Cullen's and they do karaoke...Read what music is capable of!Much fluff, Edward&Bella, partly songfic, R&R! OneShot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,318 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/23/2006 - Published: 8/14/2006 - Complete
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The Kindof Advetures Of Edward & Bella reviews
Their random lives. No plot really. :/ Alice forces them to karaoke, Emmett and Jasper have a bet, i suck at summarries, Rated M because of language, suggestive themes, and possible lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,288 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 9/27/2009 - Published: 9/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
First Tome 1 reviews
My first lemon, i suck at summarys so just read. -.-
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,036 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/6/2009 - Bella, Edward