Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.
Well, let's see... I'm OBSESSED with the Jonas Brothers (Nick especially), I know EVERYTHING there is to know about Nick. I'm also obsessed with Twilight! I know everything about Twilight too! I LOVE LOVE LOVE singing and acting and music in general! I'm going to get married at age 23 (to a special guy, you know who you are ;D) to a football player, own a boutique, and we're gonna own a serval.
"HELP! I'm running out of flair space!"
"If i ever have Tylers heart it will be in the palm of my hand still beating blood outside his veins."
Emily: "That's your 'in order' voice." Me: "That's my mommy voice!" XD
Me: "I'm writing a letter, i can't write a letter, why can't i write a letter? I'm wearing a red skirt i wish i was wearing my black skirt, my black skirt is in the wash, the germans wore gray, you wore blue, casablanca. I've never seen casablanca but i hear it's such a good movie, casablance, the white house, Bush. Why don't we drive a hybrid car? We should really drive a hybrid car, (by this time my bff emily has covered my mouth with her ) hand...i'm still talking...) i should really own a bycicle. Bycicle, unicycle, unitard, hockeypuck, rattlesnake, monkey monkey underpants." My theater class: "O.O"
1. How does the world see me?
Switch-Ashley Tisdale ?? what's that mean?
2. Will I have a happy life?
My New Philosophy-Kristen Chenoweth ...What!?
3. What do people really think of me?
4. Do people secretly lust after me?
It's A Mystery-Hex Girls Great -.-
5. How can I make others happy?
Dig It-D Tent Boys o.O
6. How can I make myself happy?
Gimme Gimme Gimme (A man after midnight)-Mamma Mia Sigh =\
7. What should I do with my life?
Me Against The World-Superchick ...what??
8. Will I ever have children?
Manic Monday-Bangles Um...is that a yes?
9. What is some good advice for me?
I Can't Stay Away-The Veronicas ...This is wrong I should be gone? o.O
10. What do I think my current theme song is?
Get On Your Feet-Show Me The Skyline No.
11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Mamma Mia-Mamma Mia =O Why??
12. What song will play at my funeral?
Last Resort-Papa Roach Did I Fucking kill myself!?
13. What type of men/women do you like?
Leave Out All The Rest-Linkin Park ...Qua?
14. What is my day going to be like?
Overrated-Ashley Tisdale Great. Just perfect -.-
15. Why am I here?
Don't Be Shy-Another Cinderella Story Wtf?
16. What will people remember me for?
Wise Up Janet Weis-Rocky Horror Picture Show Um...I'll be a star of a production of Rocky Horror? lol
17. What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?
I Wanna-All American Rejects Eh...
18. Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
Astro Zombies-My Chemical Romance O.O Looks around nervously
19. What will this year be all about?
Billie Jean-Michael Jackson Michael Jackson? Yeah pretty much...
18 - If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream:
Bella's Lullaby-Carter Burwell Hmm...I'm gonna scream an instrumental song...LA LA LA LALA LA LA LAAAA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAA XD
19 - The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:
God Blessed The Broken Road-Rascal Flatts Probably not actually...
20 - Your message to the world:
Hit Me With Your Best Shot-Pat Benetar XD XD XD XD XD
21 - Your deepest secret:
Dive In-Christy Carlson Romano Um...What?
22 - Your innermost desire:
Rhythm Is Gonna Get Ya-Gloria Estefan Uh, NO.
23 - Your oldest memory makes you think:
Bang A Drum-Selena Gomez No actually...
24 - Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:
25 - When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:
God Is A Dj-P!nk No. I don't.
26 - Right now, your feelings are:
Little Miss Obsessive-Ashlee Simpson What? No...Not right now...
27 - The day you fall in love will be the day that:
Holiday-Green Day On a holiday? LIKE HALLOWEEN!? :D
28 - You scream during sex:
Backstreet's Back-Backstreet Boys I have a very weird sex life don't I? o.O
29- You’d describe you best friend as:
Slam Dunk The Funk...Giggle Snort Snicker Laugh XD XD XD
30- Your friends describe you as:
Take Me On The Floor-The Veronicas =O Thanks alot guys!! >:l
31- In an elevator you are most likely to:
Veronica-LFO What!? That doesn't make sense!
32- Your philophisy in life is:
Little Priest-Sweeney Todd It's priest, Have a little priest...
33 - Your farewell message to the readers of this:
Time Stands Still-All American Rejects ...Ok then...
My name is Lucifer
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can’t do a wrong
I can’t speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie’s bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now
I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
He’s already locked it
And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
"I’m sorry!", I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Brawled on the floor
My name is Lucifer
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
Now i roam the underworld,
to help those in need.
I may seem evil,
but i'm not.
And if you read this
and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be
AOne heartless person
To not be effected
By this Poem
And because you are effected,
Do something about it!
So all i ask you to do
Is pass this on!
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE
If you want Bella to turn into a vampire, copy and paste this into your profile
95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you like pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon, Copy and paste this to your profile
If you think that disclaimers are the most annoying things EVER Copy and paste this to your profile
If you've ever burst into song for no reason Copy and paste this to your profile
If you know someone that should be hit by a bus Copy and paste this to your profile
If you think that Twilight is the best book know to woman... (And man!) Copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Edward)...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you've ever tripped over a WATCH YOUR STEP sign...copy/paste this into your profile.
If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.
If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a mirror...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you flip whenever you see someone reading a Twilight series book and you want to talk to them all about it, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you are Team Edward, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.
If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.
If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.
If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your friends are considering torturing you because you won't shut up about the Twilight series, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile
If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.
If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"
If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile
If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you think the semi-colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!
If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!
If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you think Bella is out of her mind for saying no to Edward's proposal in New Moon and you want to hit her hard upside the head with a blunt axe, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile
If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile...and then scream a color.
If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile. (my record is 8)
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.
If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you agree with Bella that her life without Edward is useless then copy this to your profile.
If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.
IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM!
If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.
If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.
If one of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile.
If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this to your profile.
If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.
If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.
If you like Subway, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you spend multiple hours a day reading or writing or a combination of both, copy this onto your profile.
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of teenagers do drugs and alcohol. If you like bagels, copy this into your profile.
93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile
If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile
If you get ticked and throw a fit until all the people in the room leave because someone said the characters of Twilight aren't real, copy this onto your profile
If you are addicted to copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile
If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile
If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager grls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.
If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.
You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
IF EDWARD AND BELLA DONT STAY TOGETHER I'M GONNA STAB SOMEONE! Repost this if you agree
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.
When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you call everyone in the phone book that has the last name Cullen. Crazy is when you honestly belive Edward exists. Crazy is when you wanna be a character from Twilight so badly you start dressing, acting, walking, and talking like them. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!
If you went to sleep at around 2 am reading Twilight and/or New Moon, copy and pastes this onto your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.
You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid a--.
I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.
Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916
Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843
Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901
Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916
Edward Cullen: Sexier, hotter and spicier Than You since 1901
I read Eclipse and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD
OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. That and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile (Hee hee, Twilight...and the Jonas Brothers...)
If you have ever been looking for something, only to find that it's in your hand, copy and paste this into your profile.
You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.
Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway.
On a package of peanuts: open package, eat nuts. (What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)
On a child's Superman costume: Warning: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly. (I blame the parents for that one)
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - bitch - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.
A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.
You know you live in 2008 when...
1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 isn't there.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
Lessons Learned in Twilight:
1. You can enjoy the bouquet while resisting the wine.
Mommy..Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye.
I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.
But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true
And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"
In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost
Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)
1. Only in
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
3. Only in America...do drugstores
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers,
5. Only in America...do banks leave
6. Only in
7. Only in America...do we use
9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to
there were 3girls
They were looking through peoples
The girl slowly came upon this one
It had creatures in the background and the man
She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.
Right then, an instant message came up.
SatanStalker: So how do u like my
XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??
SatanStalker: Well, you should know;
XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??
SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.
XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make
SatanStalker: I just do.
Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you.
Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say.
At the time the girl was wearing high
She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what
XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me.
SatanStalker: You should be afraid.
SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you
They were in shock.
Her friend: Holy crap man just block him
The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes
SatanStalker: I am.
SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really
XxLoVemExX: What? My house?
SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its
XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out.
SatanStalker: Your screen name says
SatanStalker has just signed off.
The girl and her friend were really
friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone.
They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight.
All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok.
Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was
She goes and knocks but no one said
she opens it and finds her friend there on
her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head.
If you do not repost this in the next two
one in your room, and one killing your parents at that
Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for?
Repost or you are going to die.
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
Whoever said, "Nothing's impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.
Being mature is overrated.
Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!
One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide!
"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!
Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?
A Real Boyfriend
When she stares at your mouth
When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you
Grab her and dont let go
When she starts cursing at you tryin to act all tuff
Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong
When she ignores you
Give her your attention
When she pulls away
Pull her back
When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying
Just hold her and dont say a word
When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared
When she steals your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesn't answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay
When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up
When she says that she likes you
SHE REALLY DOES MORE THAN YOU COULD UNDERSTAND!
When she grabs at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bumps into you;
bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does
When she says it's over
she still wants you to be hers
When she reposts this bulletin
she wants you to read it
- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Guys post as: "I'd be this Boyfriend."
Girls post as: "A real Boyfriend."
1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
Your One and Only Wish
A poem about Child Abuse
This is a quiz i did, where you put your ipod/itunes/mp3 player on random then answer the questions according to what song it plays next.
Quotes from real convos I've had (i apologize in advance, alot of them won't make sense even WITH an explanation):
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