I live in your closet nojoke
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 01-21-09, id: 1812054, Profile Updated: 08-28-10
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

HI, my name is Alfonzo Bendarez. I love this site soooo much!

I dont know what else to write, but if you want to call me, heres my number,"

yeah i know im a tease. But get a taste of me, and you'll always want more!!
Okay, so thats it, BYE!

...Pre Face...

Hello, my name is Alfonzo Bendarez, and I need to tell you a little story I wrote for all the little kiddies out there. Well first of all, I like cake. And not just ice cream cake, I like the kind from the flea market! It's the best! I also like rabbits! I like the fluffy ones, with busy tails! Theyre really squishy! But if I told my friend Sara about how squishy they were she would just go on about how her boobs are so squishy! And how she brings little kids to her cottage, and has her 'special fun' with them! Anyways, I'm going to go swim in a pool of pee, so I'll let Sara talk about herself now.
Why hello reader, got $20.00? I need some for gas, to drive up to my cottage. You want to come? I have room. In the back, where it's nice and dark, and soundproof. Literally you could scream and no one would hear you! It's insane! I got it installed because whenever someone would yell, I would always be pulled over, and arrested. But enough about that. Oh hey! Have you seen my boobs before? They are so squishy! Like you poke it, and then BAM, they like move! They have alot of hand prints on them. Dirty children never wash their hands. Tsk tsk. I also like pleasure. pleasure is my favourite hobby of all time. give me anything that moves and i'll definately entertain it. my mom always says to me "go get some drugs honeycakes, your too funny" which brings me to my next point. drugs are very bad for you. thats why I always tell my little kiddie friends (especially elizabeth) that drugs can kill. well except me of course. I have this theory where im this invincible clown who no one can touch. i believe that the moon and stars glide together, to give me power at night. i feel most frisky at night. thats why i take (mostly heroin) in the day, and i get my power at night. although early in the night, because my friends have to go to sleep. but after that, i go out to the stars and say "thankyou for giving me life" they are my saviours. Before i was just a middle aged man sitting at a desk doing accounting and no goals in life. that is until i started the dragon. now i know what my goal is. to be me. and me, is with my glasses, my polaroid camera, my toyota red van, and my friends. boy do i love my friends and nowi know, i have this purpose. nothing can hurt or touch me. i am the magic bunny of this world, and everyone adores me. i can feel it as i walk down streets at night, whistling katy perry. i can feel the stares of people as i have my tutu on, just smiling at me and telling me to my mind "wow that bunny is just mesmerizing" i can feel their eyes wandering around my body, and i can feel - no sense, that they love me. love. that is an interesting word. but yes, when i go to the street corner to get my pleasureness, i can sense it too. just everywhere, i can see the light shining from me, with the help of my friends, the moon, the stars, and george bush. as i go back to my cottage, i can see the kids faces as they run around in the cellar, my kids just having a greaat time. they love their friend. so as i say to my friends all the time - fuck me.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Scavenger Hunting: Cullen Style by IsabellaMarieSwan-Cullen1234 reviews
What happens when school is cancelled and Alice drags everyone to the mall? Stripper Poles, Rotten Bananas, and Emmett being crazy involved! Just what are Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley doing in the mall? Canon Pairings E/B J/A Em/R Car/Esm First'fic
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 13,191 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 10/8/2011 - Published: 1/28/2009 - Bella, Alice
The Life I Live Now by The Little Romantic reviews
Bella Swan's parents have arranged for her to marry Edward Cullen. She is being forced against her own will and moves to live with him.Will she be able to go through with the marriage?And more importantly, will she end up loving Edward?Set in 1921.AUHuman
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 15 - Words: 13,638 - Reviews: 202 - Favs: 167 - Follows: 177 - Updated: 7/28/2010 - Published: 12/20/2008 - Bella, Edward
Damon meets someone by redroses0921 reviews
Damon Salvatore meets a graceful 17 year old girl whos name is apparantly Alice Cullen
Vampire Diaries - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 3,200 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 5/10/2010 - Published: 3/2/2009 - Damon
A Summer To Remember by cullenlvr21 reviews
Eclipse After graduation, the Cullens wonder what to do. It starts with a camping trip but turns out to be a summer Bella will never forget. Sorry i am terrible at writing summaries! May be slightly out of character, but im trying to be creative...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 8,079 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 12/14/2009 - Published: 2/10/2009
Across the Ocean by Annilaia reviews
In one quick and thoughtless act, Bella Swan sends a letter in a bottle across the ocean. It reaches England, where Edward Cullen finds it, and begins their correspondance, one that leads to more than either of them could expect. AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 54,489 - Reviews: 3655 - Favs: 5,489 - Follows: 1,329 - Updated: 10/6/2009 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Complete
Cry For Me Please by jewlzncoolz reviews
Bella was abandoned when she was just a baby. Found by the Cullens, she grows up to become a loose, wild child. But what happens when she finally falls in love and her over protective brother Emmett doesn't want to let go?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 32 - Words: 55,121 - Reviews: 705 - Favs: 473 - Follows: 245 - Updated: 8/31/2009 - Published: 2/3/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Back At Forks High School by yalrac reviews
What happens when 100 years later the Cullen's come back to Fork High School. I know it's a stupid title but it was all i could think of.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 29 - Words: 63,557 - Reviews: 435 - Favs: 143 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 8/25/2009 - Published: 2/6/2009
Life and Love Go On by Lizzxotwilight reviews
NAME CHANGED FROM OVER THE HORIZON! same story: less sucky name! Wanda is in a new body. How does Ian react? What secrets will the new memories reveal? i guess you'll have to read to find out! i like reviews!
Host - Rated: K - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,821 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 7/19/2009 - Published: 1/11/2009 - Wanderer/Wanda, Ian O.
Bring Me To Life to Leave Out All The Rest by LinkinPrincess reviews
Basically, my version of New Moon with a twist. : R&R! Reviews keep me updating! 1st fanfic! Bad summary, but good story! READ! Inspired by Linkin Park and Evanescence. :D
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 5,049 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 6/6/2009 - Published: 3/25/2009 - Bella, Edward
I Found Her on the Freeway by lostmidtranslation reviews
Seth imprints on Max, a girl he finds, kicking her car, on the freeway. He'll get her to La Push eventually... if Jake ever gets a tow truck up to them... but what other trouble will she bring? T for Language... ... Seth/OC, Leah/OC in the middle...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 45 - Words: 96,338 - Reviews: 481 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 5/29/2009 - Published: 12/29/2008 - Seth
Emmett's Mistake by MangoTango450 reviews
The first time she sits with Edward at lunch, things go differently from there.She accidently "finds out" about them from Emmett!You wont believe the idiocy is that a word? of Emmett in my story! Caution:may cause uncontrollable laughter!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 23,125 - Reviews: 304 - Favs: 161 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 5/12/2009 - Published: 2/9/2009 - Emmett, Bella
One Last Time by lilabut reviews
Edward never returned in New Moon and Bella is now married to Jacob. Thirteen years have passed and Bella seems to have a happy life. But then she makes a discovery which makes her doubt if the life she lives is really what she wants. Switzerland
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,687 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 3/18/2009 - Published: 3/13/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Nights with Marie Black by louisa.hughes reviews
Jacob and Elle's daughter finds love in an unexpected place, but will they be able to stay together, after she knows the truth? Also ET/Nessie Edward/Bella and Jacob/Elle. ENJOY KIDDOS! M for language, bumbumbum, and descriptive nudity/foreplay.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,433 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/17/2009 - Published: 3/16/2009
Edward's heart breaks by take that guidence councillor reviews
Edward as he watches the love of his life marry some one else. just a short oneshot. My first ever fanfic, so please review i want to know how to improve thanks :
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 535 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
the invetion reviews
What happens when this normal girl, when she gets transported into the world of Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 8,119 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/3/2010 - Published: 5/23/2009