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Joined 01-28-09, id: 1820257, Profile Updated: 08-08-12
Author has written 4 stories for Twilight, Maximum Ride, and NCIS.

Ok. well I'm... me. Deal with it. here's some stuff about me. read it if you want i really don't care too much. i don't like stereotypes and guess what the worlds full of them, I'm a realist. I have ADD (who doesn't), and oohh shiny. where was i? oh yea sorry blame the ADD.


hair color: purple and black

Gender: Girl (Guy translation: thing with boobs and no dick.)

hobbies: Reading, writing, math, science, english (i know I'm a total nerd deal with it.), and going on my computer

just because i'm in love with a another woman doesn't mean i'm a lesbian. just like how my liking slash doesn't make me straight.

EDWARD and BELLA- the couple we love to hate

Favorite couples






any combo of the above

Harry Potter

Harry/Tom Riddle

Harry/Voldy (yes there is a difference)



Harry/Bill Weasley

Harry/Charlie Weasley




Harry/Luna (brother-sister lype not couple)

Harry/Hermionie (brother and sister)






Kate/Tony (Some)

Doctor Who


Jack/River (they've never met but they would rock worlds)









I think that's it

Rules/reminders of life

1.never drive your DeLorean more than 88mph

2.hover-boards don't word on water

3.Darth Vader will come down from the planet Vulcan and threaten you, if he wants to.

4. Fish are friends not food.

5. You must catch them all (Pokemon).

You know you live in 2009 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Signs you live in 2009 (not the same)

1. You are on your computer everyday (Hour)

2. You are more inside, than out.

4. You are on this site often.

5. As you read this, you keep nodding and smiling.

6. You were too busy, reading, nodding, and of course smiling, that you didn't notice there wasn't a number three.

7. You looked back to see if there was a number three.

8. You feel a bit stupid.

9. You think this is funny.

10. You want to copy this in your profile, right now - feel free.

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile.

When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there." type of thing. But more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us." type of thing

Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

"The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide."

A good friend will bail you out of jail. But a best friend will be in the room next to you yelling "THAT WAS AWESOME LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

When life give you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you melons you might be dyslexic.

Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

if Hannah Montanna was standing on the edge of a 6 story building about 90% of Americans would have a nervous breakdown. If you are one of the 9% of Americans that is yelling "JUMP BITCH!" or the 1% of americans that would push her copy and paste this in to your profile

if people who put copy and past things on thier profile and your one of them.. copy and past this to your profile

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile (I'm not crazy... but Alice Cullen, Rose Tyler, The Doctor, Red-X, and Nudge says hi.)

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly stupid, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've reread TWILIGHT and NEW MOON over ten times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think the Cocoa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you went to sleep at around 2 am reading Twilight and/or New Moon, copy and pastes this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. (I have 8)

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

I read Eclipse and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy and paste this in your profile.

Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile (Hee hee, Twilight...)

If you have gone to someone's profile page, had to scroll down a mile to see their stories, got ticked off and cursed them internally, and nearly sent them flames, all because they had so many Copy and Pastes, copy and paste this into your profile.


You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someones liver?')

After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Big Sticks off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

If you've never had "The Talk", but instead learned everything you needed to know from television, google or fanfic, copy this into your profile

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

92% of teens have turned to pop and hip-hop.If you are part of the 8% that still listens to real music, copy and paste this message to your profile.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your arse off.

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the God damn leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profile

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm BLACK so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST be a great cook.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude

Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I DON'T LIKE to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I READ COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems


One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.
When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,
'My dear child, why are you crying?'
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked
The seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord again dipped into the river.
He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked.
Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied,
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.
When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her,
'Why are you crying?' '
'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked.

Yes,' cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious.
'You lied! That is an untruth!'
The seamstress replied, '
Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband.
Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honourable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
All Us Women. X

If you're a fan of Edward Cullen, save a cow, eat a lion.

If you're a fan of Jacob Black, save a dog, adopt a werewolf.

If you're a fan of Bella Swan, then you've got issues, girl.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Harry Potter, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15,Marigold Winters, SparklingTopazEyes, chocoholic4eva, cool-gal95, alicecullen132, fictionfangirl3

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)

Do not turn upside down.

(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

(But wouldn't that save more time?Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:

Do not drive car or operate machinery.

(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:

Warning: keep out of children.

(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

Warning: contains nuts.

(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "we fucked up didn't we?"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

When a Guy Uses A Pick-Up Line On U...

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put 'u' and 'i' together
Woman: Really, I'd put 'f' and 'u' together


Jasper and Emmett’s list of HOW TO ANNOY EDWARD!!

1. Prance around the house singing Madonna’s ’Like a virgin’ at the top of your lungs every morning.

2. Especially loud when Bella is around to hear it.

3. Running it by Charlie that Edward has been ’sleeping’ with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.

4. Hire a stripper to pop out of the wedding cake XD

5. Buy a sex-ed book and shove it in his locker, making sure that whenever he decides to open it that it falls out, in clear view of the school.

6. Make sure and tell Aro that Edward wants to elope with him.

7. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Then blame it on Jacob

8. Program his locker to—whenever he opens it to sing (LOUDLY)
And repeat. Over and over and over.

9. Tell him it was Jacob’s idea.

10. Show him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he’s thinks that he looks like a pedophile or if it’s just you.

11. Ask him where babies come from. Tell him he’s stupid when he won’t answer your question.

12. For his birthday give him a 100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn’t eat food.

13. Post his phone number and address on e-harmony.

14. Tell him Bella wants to elope with Paul.

15. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.

16. Steal his Vanquish and program his radio to only plays Lollipop –unedited of course.
Make sure he can’t turn it off or get it replaced.

17. Replace his ring tone with ’Outta my head’ by Ashlee Simpson. Make sure he can’t change it.

18. Color on all his Bella pictures with Permanent marker.

19. Refuse to replace them.

20. Ask him to be a gangsta with you for Halloween.

21. Get offended when he refuses.

22. Take him to Victoria’s Secret with Alice.

23. Constantly whisper in his ear "Chinese Fireball….

ooooooooh!" (HP REFERENCE)

24. Ask him how his bath with Harry was (HP REFERENCE.).

25. Constantly remind him that he almost lost Bella to a dog.

26. Key his car.

27. Get him on that show ’intervention’. Make sure everyone knows he addicted to heroin.

28. Tell him you have Bella as a witness if he denies it.

29. Picture yourself naked and covered in blood. Ask him if he wants you.

30. Call him a liar when he says no.

31. Throw boysenberry flavored muffins at him every time he tries to speak.

32. Tell him Bella is pregnant and eloping with Mike Newton.

33. Tell him you were kidding once he murders Mike.

34. Ask him if Charlie is secretly a unicorn

35. Make him watch the twilight movie.

36. Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues.

37. Buy him a dog. Name it Jacob.

38. Train the dog to follow him everywhere. P.S. Make sure he doesn’t eat it.

39. Ask him why he’s not as hot as Robert Pattinson.

40. Ask him if he’s a virgin.

41. When he says yes, take a picture of him and tape it to the 40 year old virgin movie poster.

42. Make him watch Hairspray with you. Ask him why he’s not as hot as Zac Efron.

43. When he says that he is, ask him why he wasn’t the star of the singing high school people.

44. Tape porn to his walls.

45. Make sure Bella sees it.

46. Nail his CDs to the ceiling along with his Stereo.

47. Refuse to take them down.

48. Tell him Jacob thinks he’s a sex god.

49. Tell him Jane thinks he’s better than a sex god.

50. Start singing ’Paper cut’ around him. Constantly.


Soap Opera Name (middle name and current street name)

Super-Hero Name (favorite color and favourite drink)

Star Wars Name (first three letters of last name, first three letters of first name, last three letters of mother's maiden name)

Arabic Name (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your mother's maiden name, 3rd letter of you dad's middle name, 1st letter of a sibling's first name, and last letter of your mother's middle name):

Goth Name (black and the name of one of your pets)

Witness Protection Name (mother’s & father’s middle names)

Nascar Name (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad)

Fly Name (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)

Gangta Name (first 3 letters of first name plus izzle)

Detective Name (favorite color and favourite animal)


Soap opra: Lee Eagle

Superhero name: blackade (black and lemonade. I sound evil)

star wars name: Difsheald

Arabic name: Hflcojn

Goth name: black Angle

Witness protestion name: Ann Dominic

Nascar name: Bob Richard

Fly name: shre

Gangster name: Sheizzle

Detective name: Blackpanda

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

'Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home...

Pick the month you were born:
January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I kissed
April--I licked
May—I did the Macarena with
June--I smelled
July—I jumped on
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1--a birdbath
2--a monster
3--a phone
4--a fork
5--a snowman
6--a gangster
7--my mobile phone
8--my dog
9--my best friends' boyfriend
10--my neighbor
11--my science teacher
12--a banana
13--a fireman
14--a stuffed animal
15--a goat
16--a pickle
17--your mom
18--a spoon
19-- - a smurf
20--a baseball bat
21--a ninja
22--Chuck Norris
23--a noodle
24--a squirrel
25--a football player
26--my sister
27--my brother
28--an ipod
29--a surfer
30--a llama
31--A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White--because I'm cool like that
Black--because that's how I roll.
Pink--because I'm crazy.
Red--because the voices told me to.
Blue--because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green--because I think I need some serious help.
Purple--because I'm AWESOME!
Gray--because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow--because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange--because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown--because I can..
Other--because I'm a Ninja! :D :) :O :/
None--because I can't control myself!

I jumped on a bananana because i"m sexy and i do what i want.!



I couldn't fix your brakes so I made your horn louder

I swear to drunk officer I'm not god!

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying ‘Man that was fun!! Let’s do it again!’ (I'll be that friend)

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" (Me: Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!)

People who say "nothing's impossible" have never tried slamming a revolving door or aren't Chuck Norris.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet, they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a slinky..not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe.

If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Anyone else seeing the irony in this?

"Life is short" What? Name one thing you do that is longer than life.

"Don't you wish you could have your cake and eat it too?" What is the point of having a cake if you can't eat it.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN"

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing

I'm the kind of girl who would get fired at the M&M's company for throwing out the w's.

I'm the kind of girl who gets drunk off soda and loves every minute of it.

What the heck is gum made out of? HOW DOES IT DISOLVE! Jeez! I've tortured myself with this for weeks...

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. That's why when I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you

40 Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms
2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.
3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy
10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"
11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches
13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball
14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!"
15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor
17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak
19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.
21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
22) I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.
24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom
25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.
26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.
27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"
30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife
32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.
33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
34) It is a bad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously
35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental spell
36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.
38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".

12 things you shouldn't say to a police officer

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas )
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Random Phrases

Dear Sam,

Who’s the alpha now bitch!


She's my best friend. Break her heart,

And i'll break your face.

I'm that girl who cries without anyone seeing it.

I'm that girl who hurts herself without anyone knowing it.

I'm that girl who is smiles but is hurting inside.

I'm that girl who guides but doesn't know what's right.

I'm that girl who shines but doesn't glow in the dark.

I'm that girl who's kind but never feels the mark.

I'm that girl who'd fight for someone else's rights.

But I'm also that girl who can't sleep at night.

Outside I'm pretty, I'm glowing, I'm strong.

But inside I'm hurting, knowing I don't belong.

I think of that weight that just hangs above me,

Dropping onto my shoulders ever so slowly.

I don't fight it, I don't struggle,

I just hold it up.

The force on my shoulders,

I'm begging it to stop.

But I just hold it together,

And keep the smile on my face.

Just hoping one day,

Someone can take my place.

Im Sorry

Girl says: I'm sorry if I'm not a whore I'm sorry if my boobs aren't big enough to "satisfy" your needs.

I'm sorry if I'm not skinny enough for you to see my ribs.

I'm sorry if I'm not pretty enough to be "your girl".

I'm sorry if I'm not tanned enough for you

I'm sorry if I'm not a playboy model so I can't act like a porn star for you.

I'm sorry if I'm weird at times

I'm sorry that I write about you every day

I'm sorry if i don't have a dream body that turns you on.

I'm sorry if im not tall/short enough.

I'm sorry if I don't have sex with you on the first date.

I'm sorry if I'm annoying I'm sorry if my hair is not long enough.

I'm sorry that im different from those other girls

I'm sorry i won't hang all over you, and be a complete tramp to make you happy.

I'm sorry that I actually care about you and actually call to see how you're doing.

But most of all...

I'm sorry that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are.

Copy and paste this into your profile if when you were young... There were only 150 Pokemon. Digimon was popular. Yugi-Oh actually had Yugi in it. You didn’t get weird looks when you went Trick-or-Treating. Nobody cared what you looked like. Hamtaro ROCKED. Catching a pidgeon was cool. Pirates before Pirates of the Carri bean. Nobody knew how to spell 'Volcano'. Pinky and the brain were cartoon characters, not body parts. Saying 'moron' was a swear word. Fire was considered dangerous. The only thing you had to worry about were boy cooties. Cursive writing was just a bunch of swirly lines. Multiplication was scary. Dora the Explorer and that goddamned monkey who follows her EVERYWHERE didn't exist. The first Harry Potter was the coolest thing since sliced bread. clothes where just the things on your back, not a fashion statement. Loving the Spice Girls was nothing to be ashamed of. If you were, copy and paste then write your name. Catemonster, Angel Dumott Schunard Collins, Palinana, NejiKikyoAnimeRose, Baying-for-the-Moon, Chocolate Fish, NoOne.NotEvenMe, AgentDiNozzo13, AliceCullen132, fictionfangirl3

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Retrograde by Knife Hand reviews
Harry's trial before fifth year goes differently because someone knows more than they should about Harry. Time Travel Fic. Chapter 30 up.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 30 - Words: 42,939 - Reviews: 1410 - Favs: 4,280 - Follows: 5,844 - Updated: 10/10 - Published: 6/27/2016 - [Harry P., Amelia B.]
Eyes of Precious Stones by Abeham reviews
He knew, he always knew he was special. More so than his brother, the so called Boy-Who-Lived. No one believed him, Well now they had no choice. "I will never let anyone hurt them. They are my heart and my soul. No one will hurt them." AU, Wrong Boy who lived, Alive Potters, Threesome slash. Really slow Harry/ Tom/ Lucius, Manipulative Dumbledore. Original TWT from Ch 46.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 46 - Words: 254,690 - Reviews: 1535 - Favs: 2,522 - Follows: 3,103 - Updated: 5/24 - Published: 6/17/2013 - Harry P., Lucius M., Tom R. Jr.
Harry Potter - Tales of the Past by ImaginationInCreation reviews
When Harry Potter first stepped onto the Hogwarts express with his best friend Neville, he had no idea how his life would turn out. Now, from his first year to his last, he will face dangerous odds, love like no other, lose greatly, come face to face with the greatest dark lord of all time and go down in history as one of the greatest wizards there ever was.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 63 - Words: 390,098 - Reviews: 201 - Favs: 420 - Follows: 365 - Updated: 4/28 - Published: 5/19/2020 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] Draco M., Neville L. - Complete
If I Knew the Consequences I Wouldn't Have Done it by raspberry dreams reviews
Harry is surprised by the side effects of having saved Ginny in the chamber. Turns out people he trusted were lying to him. There were many people who wouldn't have done what they did if they could forsee the consequences of their actions and Harry's reactions.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 34 - Words: 155,680 - Reviews: 2351 - Favs: 4,309 - Follows: 5,479 - Updated: 4/1 - Published: 3/3/2016 - Harry P., Hermione G., Albus D., Molly W. - Complete
The Fury Within by NinjaPandaScholar reviews
After an unexpected birthday surprise, Harry finds himself taking care of a baby in need. However, his life has taught him that no one is safe around Harry Potter. So, how else can he protect the child but to kill off Harry Potter and become someone new. And, who best to help him than the person who would really like him to not be James Potter's son...Severus Snape. Creature!Fic
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 27 - Words: 91,685 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 633 - Follows: 419 - Updated: 3/1 - Published: 1/4 - [Harry P., Fred W.] [Severus S., Remus L.] - Complete
Dragon Chronicles 2: Harry Potter, Dragon Whisperer by Stargon1 reviews
Being a parselmouth, Harry is hired by all of the Dragon Sanctuaries. His new job: to travel the world, check on all the dragons, talk to them and learn about them. The dragons have also heard of Harry's talent - as an artist and they can be pushy about having their portrait painted. With dragons, magizoologists and shades of Dark Lords after him, Harry's life is anything but dull.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 18 - Words: 71,254 - Reviews: 1299 - Favs: 4,432 - Follows: 6,140 - Updated: 2/18 - Published: 6/5/2019 - Harry P., Sirius B., Charlie W., Daphne G.
A Shadowed Soul by devilblondie reviews
He was abandoned at a young age, the world believing him dead. They were wrong. Death Eaters believed untouchable are dying. Who is this assassin? Will he join Dumbledore or take the war into his own hands? Not typical powerful!politic!Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 25 - Words: 105,492 - Reviews: 3609 - Favs: 9,913 - Follows: 11,259 - Updated: 12/9/2020 - Published: 7/15/2007 - Harry P., Hermione G., N. Tonks, Blaise Z.
Hidden Lineages by AalisEliza reviews
Phil Coulson has been plagued by an agent that outshines all of his own operatives. Out of desperation he goes to Tony Stark for help with identifying the woman.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 18,451 - Reviews: 343 - Favs: 1,020 - Follows: 1,752 - Updated: 9/26/2020 - Published: 6/21/2019 - Harry P., Hermione G., Iron Man/Tony S.
Set My Soul Alight by Bertie Bott reviews
Bella's life takes a horrible turn after Edward leaves her so she makes a call to the one person she could always count on to be there for her. Through him, she meets a whole team of heroes and eventually crosses paths with a god with a chip on his shoulder…
Crossover - Twilight & Avengers - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 119,034 - Reviews: 1504 - Favs: 2,874 - Follows: 3,190 - Updated: 9/18/2020 - Published: 2/7/2014 - [Bella, Loki] [Hawkeye/Clint B., Black Widow/Natasha R.]
The Flatmate by madrosewriting reviews
Hermione's new flatmate is driving her mad. Not the one that she's involved in a friends-with-benefits thing, no. The other one. The one that doesn't actually live there, but stays over way too often. The one her flatmate claims is just a friend. And once she finally voices her assumptions, both set out to prove just how wrong she truly is. [Muggle AU]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 32 - Words: 90,938 - Reviews: 417 - Favs: 657 - Follows: 779 - Updated: 6/20/2020 - Published: 12/22/2019 - [Draco M., Hermione G., Theodore N.] - Complete
Harry Potter and the Wish of Life by Usako3000 reviews
AU. Harry makes a wish that changes the past, sending him into a world where James and Lily lived but Voldemort is all powerful. And, er... Snape is ...Uncle Sevi? While war approaches, Harry shelters beneath the marauders' wings, growing into a stronger and more valiant hero than ever before.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 41 - Words: 175,302 - Reviews: 2319 - Favs: 1,711 - Follows: 1,963 - Updated: 6/15/2020 - Published: 2/6/2002 - Harry P., Sirius B., James P., Severus S.
A New Perspective by SlytherinHawkins105 reviews
Severus has a potion accidents that turns him into a teenager and discovers what friendship means. The trio are no longer and as Harry befriends the new student. Will Harry learn the truth as their friendship becomes more. AU, OOC pairing HP/SS SLASH
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 65,137 - Reviews: 275 - Favs: 765 - Follows: 997 - Updated: 4/4/2020 - Published: 11/5/2010 - Harry P., Severus S.
Heroes Assemble! by Stargon1 reviews
After five years travelling the world, Harry Potter has landed in New York. He figures that there's no better place than the city that never sleeps to settle in and forge a new life. If only the heroes, villains, aliens and spies had received the message. Begins just before the Avengers movie and continues through the MCU. Encompasses MCU movies & TV, some others along the way.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 128 - Words: 603,414 - Reviews: 10264 - Favs: 15,672 - Follows: 16,386 - Updated: 2/5/2020 - Published: 1/4/2017 - Harry P. - Complete
Vahan: Possession is Nine Tenths by TheCauldron reviews
First sequel to Vahan. In which Harry goes to Hogwarts, Dumbledore begins to realise the magnitude of his error, and Vahan sets about making friends and influencing people.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 94,528 - Reviews: 846 - Favs: 2,002 - Follows: 2,717 - Updated: 9/20/2019 - Published: 3/30/2016 - Harry P.
As You Wish by shaunna100 reviews
When Bella Swan falls pregnant with the star athlete's baby after a night of drunken mistakes, she needs to come to terms with having a child and building a relationship with the baby's father, Edward Cullen.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 46 - Words: 164,434 - Reviews: 2244 - Favs: 1,899 - Follows: 2,506 - Updated: 9/12/2019 - Published: 11/30/2009 - Bella, Edward
Kryptonian Protector by TheMashMonster reviews
DISCONTINUED. Edward leaves. Instead of Bella loving him still, she hates him. She also learns that she's not human. What will when Edward comes back? Bella has powers now, and Jake as a best friend. What will she do? What about the Prophecy? BxJ or BxE? Who knows
Crossover - Smallville & Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 33,644 - Reviews: 278 - Favs: 272 - Follows: 304 - Updated: 12/29/2018 - Published: 6/30/2008 - Bella - Complete
Travelling Time To You by slayer of destiny reviews
Grindelwald tricked everyone, after Harry defeated Voldemort in the Battle of Hogwarts, the real Dark Wizard broke free of his prison and started the destruction of the World. The war already lost, Harry and Hermione make a dangerous last-ditch chance to travel back in time and defeat Grindelwald properly the first time. Things definitely do not turn out as they planned. Slash
Crossover - Harry Potter & Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 10,753 - Reviews: 108 - Favs: 662 - Follows: 844 - Updated: 12/1/2018 - Published: 11/19/2018 - Harry P., Albus D.
Vellum Voices by Lomonaaeren reviews
HPBZ slash, threeshot. AU. Voldemort cursed Harry in the graveyard so that he can only speak Parseltongue. Harry embarks on his fifth year alternately furious and despairing and trying to learn faster writing, British Sign Language, and nonverbal casting all at once. It turns out that not all Slytherins are Malfoy or Snape, and not everyone is frightened of Parseltongue. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 17,242 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 1,966 - Follows: 761 - Updated: 7/12/2018 - Published: 7/11/2018 - [Blaise Z., Harry P.] Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
The Blink Protocol by ObsessiveCompulsiveforhp reviews
In which family secrets get revealed and the name 'Potter' takes on a new meaning for all involved. Old family ties, new friendships forged, and forgotten power resurfaces. Plots and revenge!
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 24,366 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 509 - Follows: 759 - Updated: 2/5/2018 - Published: 10/11/2017
Harry Potter: My Life Is My Own by Sashian reviews
Harry has a great memory, photographic even. He remembers everything even the day he was born. Every sight, sound, smell or touch he remembers with crystal clarity and he has power from the moment he is born. And whats up with Hedwig? All chapters edited for spelling, grammar, and some content. You may want to re-read it.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 182,168 - Reviews: 2999 - Favs: 11,061 - Follows: 12,326 - Updated: 12/31/2017 - Published: 8/4/2009 - Harry P.
Harry Potter and the Peverell Legacy by Jayan phoenix reviews
Book Two of the Heritage Series: Harry enters his Sixth-Year while the country is at war with Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Seeking new allies abroad, Lord Black creates the Triwizard Exchange and Harry leads a team of students to Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. But an older enemy resurfaces in Europe and a long-forgotten piece of history is at the centre of it all.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 53 - Words: 410,475 - Reviews: 1891 - Favs: 3,624 - Follows: 4,098 - Updated: 11/6/2017 - Published: 4/26/2014 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
The Sinistra Ward and the Prisoner of Azkaban by Irish216 reviews
Harry the ward of Aurora Sinistra takes on his third year at Hogwarts. A mass murder has broken out of jail and seems to want Harry's guts for garters while Harry tries to navigate new classes and annoying rivals.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 45,679 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 564 - Follows: 494 - Updated: 11/6/2017 - Published: 11/7/2016 - Harry P., Susan B., A. Sinistra, Wayne H. - Complete
Settling In by solotea reviews
Steve had always hoped to be as close to Tony as he had been to Howard but it seems he was going to end up befriending another Stark.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 25,670 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 730 - Follows: 1,037 - Updated: 7/24/2017 - Published: 6/22/2017 - Harry P., Captain America/Steve R., Iron Man/Tony S.
Session Transcripts by lastcrazyhorn reviews
What happens when a brain damaged Harry and a transgender Hermione both get sorted into Slytherin? Snape's not sure, but he thinks it's likely to be an interesting term. This story follows various first years through the trials of their first year.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 25 - Words: 134,660 - Reviews: 2620 - Favs: 4,414 - Follows: 4,893 - Updated: 7/8/2017 - Published: 10/30/2011 - Severus S., Harry P.
Fixing Past Mistakes by DebsTheSlytherinSnapefan reviews
Harry didn't appear at Hogwarts causing concern. Albus immediately head's out to Privet Drive to find out what was going on, along with Minerva and a reluctant Severus Snape. What they find out changes everything for everyone in the wizarding world. Is there a chance for anyone to go back and fix past mistakes? is there any hope at all for the magical world? COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 52 - Words: 230,505 - Reviews: 7109 - Favs: 10,043 - Follows: 8,472 - Updated: 6/27/2017 - Published: 2/11/2014 - Harry P., Severus S., Albus D., Minerva M. - Complete
Carlisle's Secret: The Lost Cullen by ProngsPotter22 reviews
We all know the story of Esme's son, but what about Carlisle's? While he was human, Carlisle had a baby son but when he was turned he had to give him away. Now, over 300 years later, its time for Carlisle and Harry to be reunited! However, things aren't as easy as they seem. Cannon pairings. Contains swearing, child abuse and violence. Adopted from JasonMorganfan87
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: M - English - Family/Angst - Chapters: 29 - Words: 112,473 - Reviews: 577 - Favs: 2,021 - Follows: 1,893 - Updated: 5/19/2017 - Published: 6/8/2015 - Harry P., Albus D., Carlisle, Jasper - Complete
Families by Ladyleo145 reviews
Bella lives with the Cullen's and everything is good her secret is safe but what if after she receives an e-mail that changes everything. Will her excitement blinding her Bella may have to revive something she never intended to. Good luck Bella
Crossover - Twilight & Blood+ - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,097 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 4/22/2017 - Published: 2/10/2011 - Bella, Hagi
Ripples by Gottahavemyncis reviews
Third story in the Serendipity 'verse, after 'Heartbreak' and 'Serendipity'. More adventures for Tim and the gang with some twists, turns, and surprises. Tim, Gibbs, Tony, Ellie, Abby, Ducky, Jimmy, Vance and more. Team as family; romance, family, adventure and crime. Rated M for occasional language. Disclaimer on my profile.
NCIS - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 53 - Words: 168,694 - Reviews: 401 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 3/15/2017 - Published: 12/18/2016 - Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Tim M. - Complete
The Definition of Normal by Ducky1776 reviews
Harry is adopted by a black shaggy dog when he leaves Privet Drive after blowing up Aunt Marge. His experiences at the Leaky Cauldron and Diagon Alley afterwards takes his life in a whole different direction. He gets help from unexpected directions - the goblins and the DMLE. AU Third Book. No Pairings. Unofficial subtitle: Where everyone gets what they deserve.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 75 - Words: 306,645 - Reviews: 2320 - Favs: 5,768 - Follows: 4,215 - Updated: 1/12/2017 - Published: 9/8/2015 - Harry P., Sirius B., Remus L., Dobby - Complete
Serendipity by Gottahavemyncis reviews
A heart-wrenching case leads to upheaval and discoveries for members of Team Gibbs. Tim-centric with team as family, early season 12 cast; otherwise does not follow canon. Papa Gibbs, no slash. Rated M for occasional profanity. Serendipity is 2nd in a series of 7 stories set in my 'Serendipity' verse. Previous story is Heartbreak. Story order and Disclaimer is on my profile.
NCIS - Rated: M - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 24 - Words: 77,812 - Reviews: 228 - Favs: 176 - Follows: 91 - Updated: 12/16/2016 - Published: 11/10/2016 - Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Tony D., Tim M. - Complete
Fate and Choice by Doppler Effect reviews
Harry was born a Hotchner. After a painful twelve years of separation, Hotch decides nothing is ever going to divide his family again. Not the looming threat of Tom Riddle, not the benevolent concern of the Hogwarts staff, not Hotch's own demons. Meanwhile, Harry struggles to balance his American family with the growing responsibility he begins to face in Britain.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 70 - Words: 700,849 - Reviews: 793 - Favs: 1,081 - Follows: 726 - Updated: 11/15/2016 - Published: 6/29/2016 - Harry P., A. Hotchner/Hotch - Complete
The Day The Dursleys Came To Hogwarts by ordinaryguy2 reviews
It's the day of the First Task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and the last people that Harry ever expected to be there to see him before he was to face the dragon was the Dursleys, or even the other revelations that would be revealed. H/Hr. Some Draco bashing.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 34 - Words: 203,488 - Reviews: 1259 - Favs: 2,569 - Follows: 2,521 - Updated: 9/23/2016 - Published: 8/15/2014 - Harry P., Hermione G., Petunia D. - Complete
Wild Cat by DreeG reviews
What if Bella was a mutant, much like Logan and Edward fell in love with her? What happens when he finds out she loves someone else? Will he kill the one Bella loves? Can He? Will Bella and the pack be friends or foes? Rated T to be safe. Enter Wolverine. Chapter 1 is edited
Crossover - X-Men: The Movie & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,833 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 382 - Follows: 412 - Updated: 8/24/2016 - Published: 3/4/2010 - Logan/Wolverine, Bella
An Inconvenient Truth by old-crow reviews
After the events in third year, the wizarding world grows darker. Fudge seems intent on spending more time covering up what's happening than dealing with it. Could a stronger relationship between Harry and the Bones family change history?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 174,464 - Reviews: 2497 - Favs: 5,159 - Follows: 3,399 - Updated: 6/22/2016 - Published: 5/24/2009 - Harry P., Susan B. - Complete
my big bad wolf by millymollymanda reviews
When bella goes to see jake she just wants answers but will she get more than she wanted? Will she let her self fall in love again or not? imprint story Bella&Sam OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 27 - Words: 33,008 - Reviews: 360 - Favs: 647 - Follows: 652 - Updated: 5/7/2016 - Published: 9/25/2010 - Bella, Sam
Harsh Reality by Duochanfan reviews
Marge Dursely has only heard bad things about Harry Potter, she has not had the chance to meet him face to face. The Durselys are going on hoilday and Marge will have to look after a four year old Harry Potter, will she see what lies beneath the lies?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 31 - Words: 99,108 - Reviews: 2718 - Favs: 5,069 - Follows: 4,345 - Updated: 9/2/2015 - Published: 9/6/2009 - Harry P., Marge D. - Complete
I See The Moon by hctiB-notsoB reviews
Gen. "While on the run, Bruce meets a young man who speaks to the moon. He's probably not quite the sanest friend Bruce could have made, but, well...beggers can't be choosers."
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 40,930 - Reviews: 4957 - Favs: 14,046 - Follows: 15,966 - Updated: 1/18/2015 - Published: 6/13/2012 - Harry P., Hulk/Bruce B.
Bedroom Crushes by Kat100666 reviews
Harry's had a crush on his Potions Professor for a long time and is thrilled when Albus forces the 2 to spend the summer together. What happens when he stumbles across his crush in the arms of his worst enemy and the 2 decide Harry needs lessons in love?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 22 - Words: 22,790 - Reviews: 773 - Favs: 1,545 - Follows: 1,726 - Updated: 11/8/2014 - Published: 7/4/2010 - Harry P., Severus S.
My Sweet Love by RonjaRose reviews
Bella Swan has problems at home and she can’t tell anyone. Will Forks High School’s new teacher Edward Cullen figure out her secret and be able to help her? Can Edward be more for Bella than just her teacher? -abuse and cutting in the story-
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 40,364 - Reviews: 334 - Favs: 362 - Follows: 249 - Updated: 8/4/2014 - Published: 5/13/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Shadows And Light by SilvaraWilde reviews
Harry comes into an unexpected inheritance. Now he must learn how to control his new powers, find out who his friends really are, and try to not make too many mistakes along the way. This fic contains bad/evil Dumbledore, Molly and Ron. There will also be slash, and multiple mates for Harry. You have been warned.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 40 - Words: 84,499 - Reviews: 439 - Favs: 1,343 - Follows: 1,587 - Updated: 7/2/2014 - Published: 7/28/2013 - [Harry P., OC, Fred W., George W.]
Perception is Everything by Kendra James reviews
When Severus Snape is left in charge of Hogwarts over the christmas break, he is less than pleased to discover Harry will be one of his charges. Events force him to face that Mr Potter may not be quite what he has assumed all these years. Year 6
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 42 - Words: 165,658 - Reviews: 5037 - Favs: 10,349 - Follows: 6,206 - Updated: 5/31/2014 - Published: 4/26/2010 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Until the End of Time by marauders4evr reviews
Sherlock Holmes has always been brilliant. He knew that he was the smartest child in London. He knew that the other children thought of him as daft. He knew that the funny man with the bowtie really was daft. He knew that the safest place in the universe was in his brother's arms. He knew that no matter where they went, Mycroft would be there to protect him. Until the end of time.
Crossover - Doctor Who & Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 40 - Words: 128,833 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 116 - Updated: 11/12/2013 - Published: 5/20/2013 - Sherlock H., Mycroft H. - Complete
4 years and 11 months after the Cullens left by TeddieBare reviews
4 years and 11 months after the Cullens left, Bella has a daughter, they get in a car crash and run into edward at the hospital, a seris of events happen but will edward and bella be one again? and if they will be how does it happen?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 23,021 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 7/30/2013 - Published: 4/21/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Past and Present intertwined by Skeletal Dragon reviews
What if Bella was Logans sister? And Carlisle was their dad? And if she had a past with every one of the Cullen's in their human lives, even Edward? And she hasnt seen her brother for a few decades? Cannon pairings.
Crossover - X-Men: The Movie & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 18 - Words: 17,720 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 307 - Follows: 286 - Updated: 1/5/2013 - Published: 1/29/2010 - Logan/Wolverine, Bella
A Spell On His Heart by Violet spirit reviews
Bella's a witch.She's the last of her kind. She moves to Forks to escape her past, what she doesn't expect to meet is a coven of vampires who are all too keen to find out what she's hiding, whilst protecting their own secret.Rated T in case . Give it a go
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 26 - Words: 21,631 - Reviews: 589 - Favs: 309 - Follows: 275 - Updated: 12/7/2012 - Published: 4/9/2009 - Bella, Edward
She Remembered by BlueBoxCompanion reviews
The Eleventh Doctor recieves an urgent phone call from an old friend, bearing only one message. 'She's remembered, Doctor. Donna remembered.'
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 22,945 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 6/13/2012 - Published: 2/19/2012 - 11th Doctor, Donna N. - Complete
Choosing my Own Fate by BlueLightningPhysics reviews
Harry knows Dumbledore doesn't care- he just likes to use people, like pawns. Tired of this, Harry goes out and trains on his own. Powerful Harry SSHP Slash Snarry. bashingGinny mainly littlebashing- Ron/Hermione
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 10,460 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 267 - Follows: 413 - Updated: 4/22/2012 - Published: 12/8/2009 - Harry P., Severus S.
Daddy's Sweetest Gift by gibby101 reviews
What if there was a second daughter born early when Gibbs was in Iraq? Follow Gibbs as he raises his sweetest gift and redemption, Kate and tries to keep her a secret from his team. Read and reveiw please!
NCIS - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 34 - Words: 113,652 - Reviews: 285 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 4/18/2012 - Published: 10/30/2009 - Leroy Jethro Gibbs
Out Of The Mouth by everything-is-eninalus reviews
When an unsub has killed far too many, Reid and Morgan have to go undercover. But Reid isn't looking forward to getting up close and personal with this man who he has feelings for... Especially not when the whole team has them under surveillance.
Criminal Minds - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 52,942 - Reviews: 740 - Favs: 1,549 - Follows: 677 - Updated: 4/10/2012 - Published: 10/11/2011 - S. Reid, D. Morgan - Complete
Lessons by Caz251 reviews
Summary: Severus Snape's secret life has been unveiled and he has agreed to give lessons to the one who found his secret, Harry Potter. Pre-slash. AU as of end of Order of the Phoenix. Warnings: Crossdressing, pre-slash. I don't own Harry Potter.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 25,558 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 1/11/2012 - Published: 9/18/2009 - [Harry P., Severus S.] - Complete
Remembering by LimitedByCreativity reviews
Set after 4x13. "Jack's eyes met hers and he said anxiously 'Do you know who I am'. The familiar redhead shook her head, 'No.'" The companions on Earth find Donna, and, mistaking her state for an accident, try to make her remember. Donna/Jack, 10/Rose.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 33 - Words: 61,847 - Reviews: 421 - Favs: 168 - Follows: 275 - Updated: 12/20/2011 - Published: 7/11/2008 - Donna N., Jack H.
Will you be my daddy? by SasuNarufan13 reviews
After Draco divorced from Daphne, Scorpius is set on finding a second daddy, since Draco told him he only loves men. He has even made a list. Then he meets Harry and he's dead set on getting him as a second daddy. Will he succeed? Slash, MPreg, bit AU, implied mature content; some violence
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 45 - Words: 210,979 - Reviews: 5778 - Favs: 6,370 - Follows: 3,226 - Updated: 8/5/2011 - Published: 7/11/2010 - [Draco M., Harry P.] Teddy L., Scorpius M. - Complete
Exes and Ohs by bbtasha reviews
Bella always had trouble finding love. With some hot coffee, a hot hunky new client, and her best friend Alice she may just find it. BxEm,AxJ,E x?,R x? AU,OOC, AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 18 - Words: 71,658 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 253 - Updated: 7/17/2011 - Published: 9/22/2008
Bella Hale by JulesSC reviews
Six year old Isabella Swan was orphaned after a car crash took her parents away, and Edward and the Cullens find her. Alice decides to keep her, and Edward tries to protect her. Family drama and hilarity ensues as Bella grows up and ExB happens.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 51 - Words: 386,995 - Reviews: 13696 - Favs: 8,820 - Follows: 6,506 - Updated: 7/8/2011 - Published: 11/21/2008 - Edward, Bella
Red Moon by Lil-Rahl reviews
Four months after Edward and the Cullens leave. Bella's vampire bite starts acting up in strange ways. Without the help of the Cullens, Bella is left alone to deal with what may happen. Epilouge now added!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 36,068 - Reviews: 883 - Favs: 922 - Follows: 435 - Updated: 6/15/2011 - Published: 5/1/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Next Step by Emmett'sBear reviews
Bella is half human,half vampire.Born in Volterra,Italy in 1987,daughter of Aro,and Renee.She moves to Forks w/ her twin brother Drew.Meets Edward and becomes very good friends with him...but they don't know she's almost the princess of Volterra.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 59,637 - Reviews: 483 - Favs: 444 - Follows: 264 - Updated: 2/26/2011 - Published: 3/21/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Ghost of Me by alliegator667 reviews
After Edward left Bella's past is now out to get her. Bella is the daughter of a certain watcher and mover. Division took away her twin and her parents. Now wanting to save her only family before it becomes to late.
Crossover - Twilight & Push - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 257 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 50 - Published: 2/1/2011 - Bella, Nick G.
Give Her Some Credit by kmwhyte reviews
Edward leaves Bella, like in New Moon, after they have sex. Bella gets pregnant and has Renesmee. Twenty Years Later, The Cullens start school at the same school as Renesmee. It's Complete! Sequel Up!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Family - Chapters: 40 - Words: 106,992 - Reviews: 2325 - Favs: 2,079 - Follows: 1,082 - Updated: 11/28/2010 - Published: 8/22/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Bella - Complete
Confessions of A Different Sort by Blossoming Nightshade reviews
Something has changed in Harry and Snape will find out what. However what Snape finds is not what he expected. Better than it sounds. Will be SnapeXHarry in later chapters.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 16 - Words: 37,493 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 285 - Updated: 11/11/2010 - Published: 2/9/2010 - Harry P., Severus S.
Her Curiosity by Niphuria reviews
Tarrant is asleep and Alice is beside him. Why can't she ever keep her insatiable curiosity under control?
Alice in Wonderland, 2010 - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,453 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 28 - Published: 10/30/2010 - Alice K., Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp - Complete
Kit by WithDemonWings reviews
Harry didn't mean to become an animal, and he certainly didn't mean to get attached to Snape but he did and he had. He had no idea how he'd come by his furry problem and he didn't know how to get rid of it, or if he even wanted to... Slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 39,832 - Reviews: 1025 - Favs: 2,885 - Follows: 1,151 - Updated: 10/9/2010 - Published: 7/6/2010 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Escaping by I Heart Seth Clearwater reviews
Sarah a 13 year old, her family is killed by a vampire who decides to keep her. She is saved by the wolf pack when she wanders on to their land she goes to live with the Cullens but whats wrong with this picture? 100 years after breaking Dawn. in ForksWA
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 18 - Words: 13,722 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 9/30/2010 - Published: 3/13/2009
Sneaky Snake by lferg reviews
Dumbledore has decided that he needs to save as many Slytherins as possible! How will he do it? A mandatory re-sorting! Will it work or will it back fire?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 22,535 - Reviews: 279 - Favs: 761 - Follows: 958 - Updated: 9/1/2010 - Published: 4/22/2010 - Harry P.
Breaking Ride by Totally-Yatal reviews
Max leaves the flock and starts a new Bella Swan. But will she be able to leave behind her flock and be with the love of her new life, Edward Cullen! IT'S A LOVE SQUARE! Bella Max /Edward/Jacob/ and Fang! Tell me what you think!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 9,214 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 7/23/2010 - Published: 9/28/2008
Where'd You Get This Kid? by Jet Set Yoyo reviews
S.S.A Gideon comes into work early and finds a mysterious person leaving behind a small basket on its steps. Curiosity gets the better of him and he checks it out finding the unexpected that changed his very life. AU
Criminal Minds - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,130 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 202 - Follows: 210 - Updated: 6/29/2010 - Published: 6/13/2010 - J. Gideon, S. Reid
When Darkness Turns to Light by Janna Banana reviews
4 years after Edward left Bella in the forest; Bella is finally moving forward, but it is someone from her past that helps her truly heal and obtain the future she was always meant to have. Bella and Jasper Fanfic.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 52 - Words: 172,600 - Reviews: 3790 - Favs: 4,758 - Follows: 1,719 - Updated: 6/27/2010 - Published: 5/21/2008 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Revelations by Not All Heroes Wear Capes reviews
Bella is no longer the frail human she was. She escaped her depression when she hit rock bottom and found something, or someone to live for. But with a job like hers, danger is never far. So when the Cullen's get caught in the middle... what will they do?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Suspense - Chapters: 2 - Words: 24,147 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 3/24/2010 - Published: 2/9/2010 - Bella, Edward
Training For The Ballet,Potter? by Hagrid's Crossbow reviews
Everyone thinks they know Harry, exspecially Sirius and Remus, but they don't know he doesn't want to play quiddicth, they don't know his passion is ballet. WAY better than it sounds. Not Slash
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,142 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 155 - Published: 2/16/2010 - Harry P., Sirius B.
What Happened? by Gigi gabriella14 reviews
After Edward left Bella went to go see her real dad Leroy Jetro Gibbs. He offers her a job and four years later a sailor dies and that sailor happens to be a certain Jacob Black. but the question is 'is he really dead'
Crossover - NCIS & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 701 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 83 - Updated: 1/25/2010 - Published: 8/14/2009 - Bella
Danger in Safety by SharkGurl reviews
What would happen if Maximum Ride met Gregory House? And he saw her wings. Basically mayhem. FAXNESS Summary is crappy but the story is okay if I do say so myself. LOL NO character death. PROMISE. R AND R please. Rated T for swearing and a little kissag
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,333 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 1/16/2010 - Published: 1/17/2009
Hidden Legacy by Duochanfan reviews
Harry abused by his 'family'. Is sold to Voldemort just before his 17th birthday. What does Voldemort want with our hero? Slash SSHP established. MPreg.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 26 - Words: 46,055 - Reviews: 725 - Favs: 1,071 - Follows: 684 - Updated: 12/13/2009 - Published: 7/27/2005 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
House meets his match by xXSweetestXAngelXNightmareXx reviews
House and Max. Need i say more on the clash of the stubborn? ON INDEFINATE HIATUS
Crossover - House, M.D. & Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 2,228 - Reviews: 153 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 98 - Updated: 11/22/2009 - Published: 3/30/2009 - G. House, Max
Who Would have Thought by Oliviet reviews
When Elliot and Olivia are sent on an undercover job, emotions start to run on high. They realize how much they actually care about each other, but there's only one thing standing in their way...Kathy.
Law and Order: SVU - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 34 - Words: 52,223 - Reviews: 244 - Favs: 183 - Follows: 97 - Updated: 11/14/2009 - Published: 2/23/2008 - O. Benson, E. Stabler - Complete
Breaking News by Dreams Turn To Words reviews
Bella finds out shes pregnant but Edward leaves before she can tell him. to protect her baby she runs away from everyone. Now living for roommates she works at a newspaper and her boss has to interview a new doctor in town and his large family the cullens
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 36,871 - Reviews: 450 - Favs: 473 - Follows: 285 - Updated: 10/7/2009 - Published: 2/25/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Kids by twilight101janeyshka reviews
Bella gets pregnant and doesn't tell edward about it, so she ranaway, because she doesn't want to mess up his life, with a child, once she moved away something happened...suckish summary but please read it!is better once you read it,and she got rape by...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,784 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 10/1/2009 - Published: 5/28/2009 - Bella, Edward
Always & Forever by XxxThe Devil's Little AngelxxX reviews
Bella and Carlisle were the "It" couple during high school. But at the end of the school year he has to leave to college. Now seven years later they'd meet again in a little town called Forks...! ON HIATUS
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 20,180 - Reviews: 156 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 9/4/2009 - Published: 2/25/2009 - Bella, Carlisle
Pink by BroadwayChickadee reviews
Bella is pregnant, but it's not in a creepy, conception through non-sperm-producing vampire sex, way. ALL-HUMAN. canon pairings. Lots of fluff promised. rated "T" for some language, themes, and in case I get carried away.. R&R por favor!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,665 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 5/28/2009 - Edward, Bella
dangerous games by Idril Telperien reviews
Bella's cousin Caz has her own supernatural problems- she has a baby with her cheating werewolf ex and her vampire boyfriend Daniel's vampire ex from his previous life is willing to do anything to get him back, even kill her love rival!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 19 - Words: 19,834 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 7/24/2009 - Published: 2/2/2009
New and Improved, my Love by account abandoned 1234567890 reviews
First fan fic! Edward leaves for a second time not knowing what he left behind. 50 years later they're all back at a new and improved Forks High. Only the Cullens think she's a descendant of Bella's. Give it a shot! its better than it sounds! ExB!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 35,410 - Reviews: 288 - Favs: 205 - Follows: 129 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 3/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Gibblet by Marauder Heir reviews
His whole life had been a lie. His parents weren't who he thought they were and the one man he thought he could trust was the one to cause him the most pain. Can anything in his life go right?
Crossover - Harry Potter & NCIS - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,147 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 471 - Follows: 778 - Published: 7/6/2009 - Harry P., Leroy Jethro Gibbs
searching by bloodhoney reviews
bella swan isn't a normal vamp she's whats called an ageless inheritor, she moves to forks in search of her mother Renee Hayden and what will she think of a certin covern of vamps that call themselves a family and what will she think of a certin edward.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 9,018 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 6/24/2009 - Published: 2/4/2009 - Bella, Edward
Can It Be Bliss? by Katie Todd reviews
Kate and Gibbs are undercover as a married couple with an 11 month old baby girl named Belle. They are acting as bait for the killer. Will they stay safe when they truly become the targets. Kibbs. Newly updated.
NCIS - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 20,011 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 6/3/2009 - Published: 7/9/2008 - Kate T., Leroy Jethro Gibbs
12 Days of Forksmas: A Song by edwardsfavoritebrunette reviews
A spinoff of the "12 Days of Christmas" Song: An Original!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 456 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Published: 5/20/2009 - Edward - Complete
Searching Hearts by wishiwasbella1997 reviews
Bella is a witch who leaves Forks to protect everyone. Especially Edward. 15 years later, they find each other again. But are their hearts still searching? my first pairring.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,806 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 5/3/2009 - Published: 4/22/2009 - Edward, Bella
Izzy AKA Volturi Trouble maker by TheCrazyLunaticAuthorofDoom reviews
Edward left in New Moon and didn't come back. Bella was changed and joined the Volturi. Now she is Aro's Daughter and a pain in his side. Can she continue to be carefree when the Cullens come to Italy for a visit?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,449 - Reviews: 139 - Favs: 213 - Follows: 226 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Bella, Jane
Trading Spouses Vamp Style by EdwardLuvr22 reviews
Lovely Esme doesn't bet right? Emmett decides to change that. What would happen if this bet landed the entire Cullen family into a popular TV show known as Trading Spouses? Well let's find out...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 85,550 - Reviews: 871 - Favs: 231 - Follows: 242 - Updated: 4/5/2009 - Published: 7/8/2008
Army Life Sucks by CaseyluvsLucic17 reviews
Edward is over seas, fighting for the US Army. He left the day after christmas, one year ago. Bella was left to raise triplets. What happens when another christmas rolls around, and Edward still in Iraq? ALL HUMAN. Edward and Bella are 28 years old.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,172 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 3/5/2009 - Published: 11/26/2008 - Bella, Edward
twisted life by carolannelixabeth reviews
theres FAX!and NIGGY!and theres 31 chapters so far! has not been updated in forever,and the first few chapters SUCK,but i'm still learning!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 34 - Words: 10,161 - Reviews: 146 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 1/28/2009 - Published: 12/7/2007
Always on your side by 99 CDN reviews
It all started off as a normal day, but when she received a phone call from her older brother Kate Todd's world came crashing down. The father she had hoped to forget is out of jail and is looking for them... Can Gibbs save his Katiegirl? R&R :
NCIS - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,113 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 7/19/2007 - Published: 7/6/2007 - Kate T., Leroy Jethro Gibbs
Secrets Never Hurt, Right? by Constance Truggle reviews
Harry has a secret. What happens when that secret comes out? HP/SS MPREG Slash. Major overhaul going on now.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,171 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 141 - Updated: 1/17/2007 - Published: 5/26/2005 - Harry P., Severus S.
A not too Merry Christmas by 99 CDN reviews
Kate's christmas shatters in a million icicles when she finds her niece and her class kinapped by their busdriver, is their more to the story then that or is it just like it seems? And can Gibbs make her christmas any better then it already is? R&R x0x
NCIS - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,927 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 7/5/2006 - Published: 7/4/2006 - Kate T., Leroy Jethro Gibbs
Merry Chritsmas Katie by 99 CDN reviews
Cailtin Todd is having a rough Christmas, what with her past coming up and all, but Gibbs has his heart set out to bring her the joy of Christmas once again. Will him bringing her to celebrate it with his family be the ticket in breaking his precious Rule
NCIS - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,561 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 7/3/2006 - Published: 4/23/2006 - Kate T., Leroy Jethro Gibbs
Child of the Serpent by Juushika reviews
Response to PxW's Challenge. Harry is abandoned at four and grows up as a rather ‘feral child’, raised by your neighborhood friendly Basilisk, and speaks no English. Tom RiddleHarry, RatingWarnings may change.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,133 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 192 - Follows: 251 - Updated: 12/2/2004 - Published: 11/28/2004 - Harry P., Voldemort
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Forever Dawn reviews
Nessie and Jake do go to Rio in BD. Five years later then end up in Forks and guess who they see. Sorry bad at summaries. Deal with it. Rating may go up soon. for a nessie/jake reason ;0
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,952 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 8/13/2010 - Published: 5/16/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob
Uncle Charlie reviews
Bella's parent die in a car crash and bella ends up with the Cullens what happens when bella uncle is found and bella is force to live with him and how does bella know about vampires?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,182 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 8/13/2010 - Published: 6/12/2009 - Bella
Bella, Max, Bella, Max reviews
Ok max leave flock max become bella. Any questions? full summerie inside with setting and y.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,889 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 1/17/2010 - Published: 8/10/2009 - Max, Bella
Kate's Dirty Little Secret reviews
OK, Kate Has a secret. What is it? What happens when the team finds out. set after the one episode where Ari kidnaps Kate. I'm in twilight denial. Tate eventually
NCIS - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,672 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 1/15/2010 - Published: 11/1/2009 - Kate T., Tony D.