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Joined 01-31-09, id: 1823208, Profile Updated: 08-25-09
Author has written 3 stories for Super Smash Brothers.

Welcome, Whoever-is-looking-at-my-profile-right-now!

My name is Joey Sandders (That's Sandders with two D's) and I have come to eat your soul!

Just kidding! I've actually come to entertain you with fanfics that I shall create and publish onto this website.

My real name is actually Jostin (That's Jostin with an O) Asuncion and Joey Sandders is the pen name I use for my OC (for those of you who don't know, that means Original Character). I'm the guy on the right of the picture.

As you see, me and two of my cousins created this humongous idea about a world full of people with different abilities (VERY original right! XD) called Xhevix.

Xhevix focuses on three major characters named Jose "Joe" Ashter, Andrew Plasma, and Joseph "Joey" Sandders who are high-class members of an organization called X.H.E.V.I.X. which stands for (Extraordinary Heroes Each Varying In Extravagance). Joe (19 yrs. old) is the leader of the group who eventually became the Chief after the four previous chiefs turned evil and made a group to try to overthrow Xhevix (Yes, Xhevix is terrible at finding good chiefs). Anyways, Joe is the cool, think-before-you-act type who has photographic memory. Andrew ( 21 yrs. old) is the smart-guy of the group, though he hates to admit it. He has the ability to fly and he's smart. In fact, he's so smart that he can gain the knowledge on how to use a specific thing as a weapon (like a leaf, or a pen, or a boulder, or human hair, etc.) Lastly, but not leastly (XD), there's Joey (Yay me! Starring London Tip... ughhh! Curse the Suite Life! They've got it stuck in my head! Anyways, I'm 17 yrs. old) my OC. He's the laid-back kind of guy who seems to be the burden of the group. Though the fact that he's one of the three members of "Class A" was because of his "Inner Demon", an evil alternate ego named Justin Serewani who states, "... I am the yang that completes Joey's yin. Without me, he and I would crumble. But more importantly, I will not be able to finish what I started 500 years ago. Corruption still plagues the streets of this planet and I plan to put an end to it ALL!" end of quote. But eventually, Joey tamed this inner him and has proven himself (to his friends and foes) that he is a worthy adversary. Joey has the ability to change wind into fire and visa-versa and he can also create force-fields.

These three characters focus on stopping the plans of all opposing groups who plan on threatening the lives and welfare of others... especially against Joe's uncle, Kingstere Trilive! (insert thunder-and-lightning-suddenly-striking-in-the-background-animation here)

Basically, that's a summary of the humongous story. IT'S JUST TOO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!!

And this story of ours (me and my cousins') will be the central idea for most of my fanfics

Now I want to give a shout-out to a person who inspired me to make my first fanfic, AuraChannelerChris! Make sure to check out his story, Subspace Emissary's Worlds Conquest. It's one of the best Super Smash Bros. fanfics I've ever read! (I just love cross-overs! and SSB is the one that comes closest to a video-game cross-over... which I shall call a VGCO).


Finally! My Super Smash Bros.: Dark Matter fanfic's fourth chapter is done! The chapter is set on the Dainty Lady and a lot of things are gonna be explained in this chapter (I'm probably not gonna make any other chapter on the ship because it would take too much chapters to finish the Monkey Island arc). This mainly focuses on Sora because this story needs to follow up with the KH story a bit (and I love the enemy he's facing) :D !! Sorry to all the MI fans expecting more hilarity from Guybrush, that'll be settled in the next chapter. Oh yeah! Special treat for all the MI fans out there, something any Monkey Island reference should NOT be without! Two of my accepted relationships are also in the story, BTW. Well, that's all I can say about this chapter, really... other stuff are explained in the chapter... But overall, this story has some things added that I planned on but are a complete mystery to others, like the history of the Founders of Life (which I'm making a story of, called Super Smash Bros.: Alpha Universe which will explain the history of Master Hand, Tabuu, the Ancient Minister, and seven other people. Also, this story will help you understand the sequel of SSB: DM which is called Super Smash Bros.: Entity of Light which I shall soon be planning on.) Oh well, hope you enjoy this chapter! R&R! Notice: This story is on hiatus for now because I am working on a bunch of Sonic stories!

I have made my Sonic Truth or Dare fanfic and it's successful... well, more successful that my other stories anyways... but it's a ToD fanfic, of course it's more successful! It's called, Sonic: Truth or Torture and it was specifically designed to teach authors like, jackattack555 and Super Dragon how to torture the Sonic Cast properly! I'm pretty sure any of my family members who will read the Truth or Dare fanfic will kill me, so here's to life! GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!! XD Special thanks to Trauts for being my first reviewer! Cheers to you, man!

I am doing a survey for the top 20 greatest VG villains called Who's the Greatest Video Game Villain Ever? for a future project that I will be doing. It will depict who the people think are the most badass out of all the villains in VG history! Submissions for the story can come from any video game you know, it's just that the rules for the survey are listed in the first chapter. Go check it out if you have an idea of who the worst villain out there is, and I don't mean that the negative way! I currently have a Top 20, but I probably will keep it a secret until further notice.

I'm currently planning on a REAL Sonic story. It focuses on the story of an OC I had just recently created (thanks to the help of an OC Competition story I reviewed for fun). It will come out soon, but don't worry SToT fans, it won't postpone the Truth or Dare fanfic! I shall keep the details a mystery for now but await for the soon to come action-packed story, The Dark Tale of Nothingness!

Speaking of OC's, aside from the Sonic story which I plan to make, it was only at this specific time when I'm typing this part of my Profile that I wanted to do something that involves other peoples OC's! Another author who calls himself The Daily Dude, aka DD, inspired me to do so with an OC Comp story that he updates once a month. When I think up of what to do for that story, expect to see a pandemonium of characters be stringed together through means of words on a computer screen typed down by the twisted mind of a 15 year old psychotic reader and writer who loves to make fun of everyone and everything he sees on the ultra-powerful being which is called the INTERNET! Rawr! Fear me! XD

One of my cousins (Snooperj) has noticed that I have joined FFNet. Good for her to notice! XP BTW, She's Joe in Xhevix, she's technically my "boss" in the story. I've also noticed that she's told you guys about the "999 Characters" plan (Dammit! I was planning to tell you guys soon! Oh well. :P). Anyways, the primary reason why we did that was because one of my other cousins, David aka Darthv8r (who is Andrew), is planning to make this bracelet of some sort that has the numbers 001-999 on turns-dials that will be a lot of help for something random! XD Way to go Trish! XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

WORD CURRENTLY ON MY MIND: Meme: A unit of cultural information that represents a basic idea that can be transferred from one individual to another, and subjected to mutation, crossover and adaptation.


If you fell for this please put it in your profile, I fell for it too:

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is because they don't have a Yahoo account or a My Space account

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Funny Labels:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)

Do not turn upside down.

(Oh really?! Thanks! I'll remember to not read whatever you guys write, too!)

On a food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

(And the other use would be?)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or your genitals.

(Has anyone ever broken this rule?)

I've seen this for a while and I just can't help but to paste this here because I love cats!

Q/l、 MEOW!!
゙(゚、 。 7 MEOW!!
l、゙ ~ヽ MEOW!!
じしf, )ノ MEOW!!

If anyone's wondering, I'm NEVER going to add in any of those "Copy and paste this onto your profile" stuff that almost everyone on this site has because I like being different! ... ... ... copy and paste this onto your profile if~ I'M JUST KIDDING!! Only an idiot would betray his own rules! Are you an idiot?

The only reason I have the following copy-pasted things above this is explained here:

-The first one was added because I did fall for it.
-The second one was added because it's part of something from Jack's profile, and being a Truth or Dare host myself, it was inevitable.
-The third one was added because I just plainly love cats.

I was bored so I tried to translate "I cannot speak X" into several different languages so...

-1337: I FAILZORS TEH 1337 SPEEKZ!!1one!!1!

-Albanian: Unë nuk mund të flas shqip.

-Arabic: لا أستطيع أن أتكلم العربية.

-Bulgarian: Не мога да говорят български език.

-Catalan: No puc parlar català.

-Chinese (Simple): 我不会讲简单的中文。

-Chinese (Traditional): 我不會講傳統。

-Croatian: Ja ne mogu govoriti hrvatski.

-Czech: Nemůžu mluvit česky.

-Danish: Jeg kan ikke tale dansk.

-Dutch: Ik kan niet spreken Nederlands.

-English: I cannot speak English.

-Estonian: Ma ei räägi eesti keelt.

-Filipino: Ako ay hindi nakapagsasalita ng wikang Filipino.

-Finnish: En voi puhua suomea.

-French: Je ne peux pas parler le français.

-Galician: Eu non podo falar galego.

-German: Ich kann nicht German sprechen.

-Greek: Δεν μπορώ να μιλήσω ελληνικά.

-Hebrew: אני לא יכול לדבר עברית.

-Hindi: मैं हिंदी नहीं बोल सकते हैं.

-Hungarian: Én nem beszélek magyarul.

-Indonesian: Saya tidak bisa berbahasa Indonesia.

-Italian: Non posso parlare italiano.

-Japanese: 私は日本語を話すことはできません。

-Korean: 한국어를 말할 수없습니다.

-Latvian: Es nevaru runāt latviešu valodā.

-Lithuanian: Aš negaliu kalbėti lietuvių.

-Maltese: I ma jistgħux jitkellmu Malti.

-Norwegian: Jeg kan ikke snakke norsk.

-Persian: من می توانم فارسی صحبت نمی کنم.

-Polish: Nie mogę mówić po polsku.

-Portuguese: Não posso dizer o português.

-Romanian: Nu pot să vorbesc limba română.

-Russian: Я не могу говорить на русском языке.

-Serbian: Не могу да говори српски.

-Slovak: Nemôžem hovoriť slovensky.

-Slovenian: Ne morem govoriti Slovenskem.

-Spanish: No puedo decir el español.

-Swedish: Jag kan inte tala svenska.

-Thai: ฉันไม่สามารถพูดภาษาไทย.

-Turkish: Ben Türkçe konuşmak değildir.

-Ukrainian: Я не можу говорити українською.

-Vietnamese: Tôi không thể nói tiếng Việt.

-Ye Old English: Speaceth in mine own langvage of ye olden tymes, it cannst be done by mineself.

That will be all for now. If you want a language added in, just PM me!

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

--> I Hate Everything About You (LMAO!) – Three Days Grace

--> Rockstar (That would be an awesome gal!) – Nickelback

--> Mudshovel (This is somewhat true...) – Staind

--> Still Loving You (That’s sweet.) – Scorpions

--> The Game (YESH!! YOU LOSE, FOOLISH READER!!) – Disturbed

--> The State of Massachusetts (Massachusetts must be pretty awesome then!) – Dropkick Murphys

--> Zombie (XD lolz!) – The Cranberries

--> Miss America (Especially that one Miss Teen USA contestant, Caitlin Upton! LOL) – Styx

WHAT IS 2+2?
--> Aces High (Straight up truth.) – Iron Maiden

--> The Way You Like It (Sam "Sever" Citrin Remix) (No. That way I like it... ... ... Sam "Sever" Citrin Remix!) – Adema

--> Giving In (Ooh... THAT is hot!) – Adema again

--> Of Sins and Shadows (Emo.) – Symphony X

--> Cherry Pie (YES! YES!! I WANT TO BE A PIE WHEN I GROW UP!! XD) – Warrant

--> Rebel Yell (SHE HATH COME!! YAAAARGH!!) – Billy Idol

--> Misery Business (HAHAHA!! So true!) – Paramore

--> Feed My Frankenstein (This would be awesome!) – Alice Cooper

--> Leave Out All the Rest (I can certainly hear this at my funeral.) – Linkin Park

--> Ordinary (lol!) – The Buzzhorn

--> Bawitdaba (This is kinda true if you think about how nonsensical my friends are.) – Kid Rock

--> The Breaking Wheel (I agree.) – Artillery

--> Blurry (Death is kinda mysterious... I would have preferred if the song were called Puddle of Mudd. XD) – Puddle of Mudd

--> I Was Made for Loving You (Lolwut!) - KISS

--> Eruption (BOOM! XD) – Van Halen

--> 99 Red Balloons (War doesn’t make me cry!) – Goldfinger

--> Famous Last Words (I do. XD) – My Chemical Romance

--> Dude Looks like a Lady (GAY!!) – Aerosmith

--> Woman (Hell yeah!) – Wolfmother

--> Bang and Blame (What do you mean by bang? Lolol! Oh, you mean shooting a person... kk.) – REM

--> Face Down (In the dirt, my face would hurt.) – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

--> Take It Off (XD) – KISS again


Super Smash Bros. Brawl:
-Final Destination

Super Smash Bros.
-Flat Zone (Melee)

Super Mario Bros.
-Luigi's Mansion Theme

Mario Kart
-Rainbow Road

Donkey Kong
-King K. Rool / Ship Deck 2

The Legend of Zelda
-Ocarina of Time Medley

-Vs. Ridley

Yoshi's Island
-Obstacle Course

-Gourmet Race

Star Fox
-Star Wolf

-Victory Road

-Mute City

Earthbound (Mother)
-Mother 3 Love Theme

Fire Emblem
-With Mila's Divine Protection (Celica Map 1)

Kid Icarus
-Kid Icarus Original Medley

WarioWare, Inc.
-WarioWare, Inc.

-Ai no Uta

Animal Crossing
-Go K.K. Rider!

-Shin Onigashima

Metal Gear
-MGS4 ~Theme of Love~ Smash Bros. Brawl Version

-HIS WORLD (Instrumental)


5. Three Days Grace ("Animal I Have Become", "I Hate Everything About You", "Just Like You", "Never Too Late", "Pain", "Riot", "Wake Up")
4. Story of the Year ("And the Hero Will Drown", "Anthem of Our Dying Day", "The Antidote", "Apathy is a Deathwish", "Message to the World", "Tell Me", "Wake Up")
3. Our Lady Peace ("4 AM", "All You Did Was Save My Life", "Angels Losing Sleep", "Automatic Flowers", "The Birdman", "Clumsy", "Hope", "Innocent", "In Repair", "Is Anybody Home?", "Life", "Naveed", "One Man Army", "Right Behind You (Mafia)", "Somewhere Out There", "Starseed", "Superman's Dead", "Thief", "Where Are You?", "Will the Future Blame Us?")
2. Lostprophets ("Burn, Burn", "The Fake Sound of Progress", "Five is a Four Letter Word", "Goodbye Tonight", "Kobrakai", "Last Summer", "Last Train Home", the whole Liberation Transmission album, "Our Broken Hearts", "Shinobi Vs. Dragon Ninja", "Sway", "Wake Up (Make a Move)") Goddamn all these "Wake Up"s!
1. Linkin Park (All of their songs)

... and a SPECIAL mention!!

0. Unnamed for now (Previously Crossover/3CKO) Me and my friends' band! Crossover was dropped because of copyright reasons and 3CKO was just stupid (besides, the member who decided on that name is quitting the band meaning we have to find a new vocalist)

-All Men Must Fall (Heavy Metal)
-Cut Me Down to Size (Emo, but only because of the lyrics) This might be removed from existence because Rob wrote this.
-Don't Shoot Me Cupid (I Don't Need Your Help) (Hard Rock) IN THE WORKS
-Mary Had a Little Lamb Death Metal Cover (Death Metal, DUH!) IN THE WORKS
-Missing Days (Hard Rock) IN THE WORKS
-Nails (NU Metal) IN THE WORKS
-Nonsensicality (Alternative Rock)
-Number of the Beast Cover (Heavy Metal) IN THE WORKS
-Paranoid Cover (Heavy Metal)
-Pink Underwear (Heavy Metal) IN THE WORKS unless if we decide to make it an instrumental.
-Rock-a-bye Baby Screamo Cover (What do you think?) IN THE WORKS
-Salute (Alternative Rock) This might go down the same path as "Cut Me Down to Size" because it's Rob and James's
-An unnamed death metal song made by Dylan (... yeah.) IN THE WORKS
-Write Right (NU Metal) IN THE WORKS

Members of the band:

Dylan (Lead Guitarist, Rhythm Guitarist)
Adrian (Bassist)
Me (Drummer, Vocalist)
Anton (Background Singer)

Former members:

Robert (Vocalist, Rhythm Guitarist)
James (Lead Guitarist, Keyboardist, Vocalist)

Chose 10 of your OC's or ten of your favorite people (like friends, family, celebrities, etc. Anyone you think is cool). But you can't chose yourself.

1: Joseph Sandders (the real version, not the ToD version)
2: Benjamin Boggler
3: Marvin
4: Domina Kappa
5: Shadow Hawkins
6: Lux Sandders (same here)
7: Nina Hoodlum
8: Ana Tavoularis (same here)
9: Justin Serewani (Joey's evil alter-ego (or, if you put my ToD into perspective, the evil personality of Joey))
10: Ragnarok Blakwrath (same here)

Note: Everything is erased from everybody's memory once they get something done in this list for the next question (except for certain occasions).

1) 4 invites 3 and 8 to dinner at their house. What happens?

She can't invite anyone because OC's 1 through 9 live in the same mansion. I can understand why she'd cook Marvin dinner, but Ana's inclusion is completely unexpected. Go secret relationships!

Domina: I cooked dinner for tonight and it's your favorite, Marv.
Marvin: (blushing) Why would you cook dinner for me?
Domina: (blushing too) Um... b-because...
Ana: Heya, guys! I heard there was food here and... Why are you two blushing?
Domina and Marvin: WHA... W-WE'RE NOT B-BLUSHING!!
Ana: Whatever you say... Ooh! Is that sushi?! AWESOME!!
Marvin: (snaps out of blush) That's my sushi! Hands off!
Ana: Okay, okay. Chill, bro.

2) 9 tries to get 5 to go to a strip club.

LOL!! Justin would TOTALLY do that! Shadow's gotta learn to stop being a wuss and get laid already!

Justin: Come on, doofus! You know you want to go!
Shadow: I'll pass, thanks.
Justin: Don't be a chicken! You might find the girl of your dreams there AND you might get laid, too, as a bonus!
Shadow: GO AWAY!!
Justin: That's it! I'm draggin'! (grabs Shadow by the collar and drags him off to a strip club) You seriously need to get jiggy with it because you're acting like a total homo!
Shadow: STOP THIS!! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO A STRIP CLUB!! Unlike you, I have morals!
Justin: Morals, shmorals! Once I'm done with you, you'll keep thanking me until the day you die!
Shadow: GOD, you're hopeless!

3) You need to stay at a friends house for the night. Do you chose 1 or 6?

Doesn't matter. They both live in the same mansion.

Me: Hey, guys. My mom and dad agree that I can sleep over here for the night. Do you have any extra towels, clothes, and maybe even a toothbrush?
Lux: Um, yes. They're in a closet in the main hall, I'll get them. (leaves)
Joey: You can use one of the guest rooms at the end of the hall if you want to.
Me: Never mind about that! How are you and Ana doing... in bed?!
Joey: H-how do you know about that?!
Me: Pfft! I made you!
Lux: (comes back) Here you go... Why are you sweating, Joey?
Joey: NOTHING!! N-nothing...
Lux: What did you do to him?!
Me: WHAT?!

4) 2 and 7 are making out. 10 walks in... Their reaction?

Benny and Nina are in a relationship, so there's no surprise there. Ragnarok, on the other hand...

Ragnarok: (walks into the room and glares at the couple)
Nina: W-what's Ragnarok doing in here?!
Benny: Never mind that! Call HQ and tell them that he was somehow revived!
Nina: Got it. Stay safe. runs off to get to a phone
Benny: Okay, you destroyer of worlds! Let's see how well you can fend off of my lasers this time!
Ragnarok: (grins an eerie grin) (the room suddenly transforms in a Silent Hill-esque manner)
Benny: (backs his wheelchair up a bit) Crap...

5) 3 falls in love with 6. 8 is jealous. What happens?

Marvin in a relationship with Lux?! AND, on top of that, Ana's jealous?! HAH!! I laugh! Unlikely, but this might be funny to type down a short script for...

Marvin: For some strange reason, I am now in love with you, Lux.
Lux: But I'm not in love with YOU, so back off!
Ana: Why's Lux getting all the love in this house?! ... ... ... I find that strange because I'm in a relationship with Joey...
Marvin: Marry me, Lux! (chases after her)
Lux: (running away) Get away from me, freak!
Ana: ... I'm going to Joey's room to have sex now to shake off this jealousy thing...

6) 4 jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue? 10, 2 or 7?

I wouldn't mind if Domina jumped me in an alleyway! She's a fun-loving character and is probably only playing around with me. Besides, she likes Marvin. Well, let's see who rescues me...

Me: So, Domina... how are you and Marvin holding up?
Domina: (blushing) What are you talking about?! He and I aren't in a relationship!
Me: I never said that. I just asked how you two were holding up. Besides, it's obvious you two like each other...
Domina: Marv likes me?! OH JOY!! (glomps me)
Me: ACK!! Get off, Domi, get off!! HALP!!
Somebody: Get off of him, Domina!
Domina: (looks up) Who's there?
Nina: Just me. Why were you glomping him? Have you fallen in love with him now, or something?
Domina: NO!! He just told me some good news, is all.
Nina: I see. Wanna go window shopping or something?
Domina: Sure thing! I'll see you around, JSandders! So where's Benny?
Nina: Oh, he's back home and training with Joey so that they can fight Ragnarok who mysteriously was brought back for some strange reason.
Domina: I see...
Me: (crying toon tears while still on the ground) Nobody loves me...

7) 1 decides to start a cooking show. 15 minutes later, what is happening?

Joey and cooking? This won't end well.

Joey: And welcome, everyone, to my new cooking show, Sandders' 101 Recipes for Instant Success! First of all, you should have all of your kitchen equipment ready and kept in a safe area! Don't put them on the edge of a counter like this or else they will... (knife falls down and almost stabs his foot) O_O!! Yeah, never do that or else THAT will happen!
Audience member: You left your stove on...
Joey: Don't worry! There's no flammable gas in the air!
Joey: OH GOD!! (panics while looking around the stove) I FORGOT HOW TO TURN THIS OFF!! DEAR GOD, HELP ME PEOPLE!!
Joey: (covered in soot) It has come to my attention that I should rename this show as Sandders' 101 Recipes for Instant Death...

8) 5 is in a car crash and is critically injured. What does 9 do?

Shadow crashed his van? Sad, sad Shadow... and to make matters worse, he's paired off with Justin again! What did the wimp ever do to deserve this sort of treatment?

Shadow: (in a body cast) What did I ever do to deserve this?!
Justin: Nothing that will compare to how much you'll suffer with me around!
Justin: It's funny, that's why! Now, the best torture I can come up for you in this current state is for me to tell you ghost stories until you start crapping bricks!
Shadow: Hah! Try it! I've heard it all! Nothing can scare me!
Justin: Oh, you haven't heard my stories yet! Now let me tell you the tale of Justin Serewani and how he brutally mauled your mother!
Shadow: NURSE!!
Justin: I'll leave it up to you to decide if this is fiction or not! Now the story begins in your house while your mother was taking a shower...

9) 3 has to marry either 8, 4 or 9. Who do they chose?

It's a good thing Domina's on that list. I wouldn't know what to do if she wasn't there! But seeing as Justin's in the list, I just had to laugh!

Marvin: (blushing) Um... I have to tell her the truth... I-I just have to! No... she'll just turn me away... but I've seen some hints of her having the same feelings as I do... That's it. I'll tell her the truth! (turns around and crashes into Justin and falls on his butt)
Justin: (still standing) Watch where you're going, you hippopotamus!
Marvin: Justin? What are you doing out of Joey's body this time?
Justin: I'm going to spend some time with Shadow and torture him beyond relief!
Marvin: ... Okay, but don't do anything too harsh on the guy.
Justin: Don't mind about me... just go wherever it was you were going to and I'll go to wherever it was I was going!
Marvin: Okay. (walks to Domina's room) (blushes hard) DOMINA, WILL YOU MARRY ME!! Oh, CRAP!! Did I just say MARRY?? I was just supposed to say that I loved her!
Domina: (blushing) W-WHAT??
Ana: (apparently in the room with Domina) Wow... I guess the secret's out.
Marvin: (blushing furiously) I-I didn't mean that! I was just supposed to say...
Domina: YES!! YES, I WILL!! (flings herself into Marvin's arms and kisses him)
Marvin: (blushes brighter) Eh, what?!
Domina: What day do you want our marriage to be on?
Marvin: Slow down, Domina! You're taking this relationship thing a bit too fast! Did I just say that I'm in a relationship with Domina??
Domina: We have to tell everybody! Ana, can you kindly spread the news!
Ana: Sure thing, Domi! Congratulations to the both of you!
Domina: Thanks!
Marvin: This is WAY too fast for me!
Domina: We have to plan for what we'll do for our honeymoon, too!
Marvin: Oh God...

10) 7 kidnaps 2 and demands something from 5 for 2's release. What is it?

Nina kidnaps her own boyfriend to force Shadow to give something up? Okay then...

Shadow: What's the whole point of this, Nee? Why'd you pluck poor Benny of his wheelchair?
Nina: You owe me another version of my Batman: The Killing Joke (Special Edition HC) comic book after you ruined it by spilling coffee all over it!
Nina and Benny: NO IT WASN'T!! (look at each other confused then giggle for a while before going back to seriousness)
Nina: This was the first comic in which the Joker's origins were revealed! Looking to prove that any man can be pushed past his breaking point and go mad, the Joker attempts to drive Commissioner Gordon insane. After shooting and permanently paralyzing his daughter Barbara, the Joker kidnaps the commissioner and attacks his mind in hopes of breaking the man. But refusing to give up, Gordon maintains his sanity with the help of Batman in an effort to best the madman! The comic was gold and you RUINED IT!!
Shadow: It's just a comic, you nerd!
Nina and Benny: Hey! We take offense to that!
Nina: Replace it or everyone in this room dies! (takes out a grenade)
Benny: W-W-W-WHAT??
Shadow: Fine! I'll get your stupid comic!
Benny: Thank you!
Nina: I'll be counting the minutes until you come back! If you take longer than 3 hours to get me a copy, you and Benny are dead!!
Benny: WHY ME?!

11) You get to meet either 1 or 6. Who do you chose?

I'd prefer to meet Joey because he's awesome in every way! Lux is a cop and we all know how boring they are...

Me: Hello, Joey! I come from the real world!
Joey: (jumps from shock and turns to me) WHAT THE HELL, MAN?! And what do you mean you're from the real world?
Me: Your puny mind will not be able to grasp the idea about it, so I won't bother you with it. Now, do a barrel roll!
Joey: Wrong series...
Me: Oh yeah, of course! Break dance for me just for fun because you're cool that way! (hits play on a beat box that comes out of nowhere and plays a metal/progressive version of the song Phantasmagoria of Dim.Dream from Touhou)
Joey: Okay... (starts breaking to the epic song)
Me: Go Joey! Go Joey! Go Joey! Go douchebag!
Joey: (stops from doing his crickets and floats on one hand (check this site out if you don't know what any of this means: BBOY DICTIONARY) and looks up at me) What was that?!
Me: Hehe, nothing!

12) 10 challenges 4 to a chariot race. Why?

Ragnarok challenging Domina to a chariot race seems funny as it is...

Ragnarok: (glares at a shaking Domina)
Domina: W-w-what do you want?!
Ragnarok: (burns two chariot symbols on a nearby wall and crudely inscribes the word, "RACE" under it with his fingers)
Domina: You want to have a race with me? Weird... Why?
Ragnarok: (takes out a picture from inside his coat and tosses it at Domina who grabs it)
Domina: OH HELL NO!! I'm NOT going back there! That's where I was turned into a monster by that witch, Frizza!
Ragnarok: (cackles like an echo)
Domina: You cruel, cruel bastard! I guess I have no choice or else you'll kill me, am I correct?
Ragnarok: (nods and grins evilly)
Domina: Crap...

13) Everyone gangs up on 3. Does 3 have a chance in hell?

Against Ragnarok and possibly even Justin, no. Everyone else, yes. He's the oldest person on the list and one of the strongest persons, too!

Joey: Let's all gang up on Marvin for no apparent reason!
Ana: Yeah! Woo-hoo!
Marvin: W-what?!
Domina: Get him!
Marvin: GAHHH!! (mega-glomped) What the Hell?! Get off! (stands up and shakes the people off) Having a guy on a wheelchair glomp you is not exactly as exciting as it sounds!
Benny: Sorry...
Marvin: (notcies that he still has Justin latched on to him) GAH!! G-g-get off!!
Justin: (hisses and cackles) Nah! I'd rather hang around for a while!
Marvin: At least you're not as bad as...
Ragnarok: (wall breaks down and Ragnarok floats into the house as random light bulbs start exploding)
Marvin: YEESH!! Spoke too soon!
Justin: This will be fun! (licks his fangs in joy)
Marvin: Oh man!

14) Everyone is invited to 2 and 10's wedding except for 8. How do they react?

Now THIS is wrong... Benny and Ragnarok? Seriously? Married?! I know just what to do about this!

Ana: I feel sad for Benny... He's forced to have a homosexual marriage with Ragnarok... I wonder who even caused all of this...
Me: (somewhere else) I may have been a little too harsh on Benny this time...
Ana: Oh well, at least I wasn't invited. I don't want to witness how the horrible ceremony occurs.

15) Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Hahaha! Why is 6 afraid of 7? GENIUS!!

Nina: Hey, Lux!
Lux: Hey, Nee!
Nina: I just ate Ana!
Lux: W-w-what??
Nina: I. Just. Ate. Ana. Is that so hard to get the first time?
Lux: (backing away from Nina and finally runs like a paranoid lunatic) SHE'S GOING TO EAT ME!!
Nina: BYE... sucker! Okay, Shads! Pay up!
Shadow: Damn! Lux got tricked that fast?! (pays)
Nina: (shuffling the bills) I told you I'm more of a master of deceit than you are!
Shadow: Harumph...

16) 10 gathers everyone around to tell them a fairy tale. How does it go?

(stomach explodes from laughing too much) Reggie ACTUALLY telling his enemies a "fairy tale"?! That's just TOO much! And one of the funny things about that is the fact that the real Ragnarok can't talk, so he'll have to portray the fairy tale the only way he knows how... in creepy manners!

Joey: Oh (bleep)! It's Ragnarok! What do we do?!
Ragnarok: (sets one of the potted plants on fire and uses the flames to reenact Little Red Riding Hood)
Shadow: What the Hell?!
Ragnarok: (shows the part where the wolf eats the grandma)
Ana: GROSS!!
Lux: The wolf ate her whole! He didn't slash at her until all that were left were tiny, bite-sized pieces!!
Benny: Why is he showing us this anyways?!
Nina: Probably as a warning of something that will happen in the future...
Benny: Possibly...
Ragnarok: (ends the story with Little Red Riding Hood being slashed on the throat with one of the wolf's claws and slowly being mauled as she is eaten)
Ana: (barfs on the floor)
Joey: What was the point of all of that?!
Marvin: Oh man!! I think I'm going to hurl!
Lux: Where's the hunter that saved Little Red Riding Hood and her grandma?! You obviously know NOTHING about Red Riding Hood!!
Ragnarok: (glares at Lux but grins afterward) (the room changes in a Silent Hill-esque manner like the other room and Ragnarok starts going wild on everybody)
Everybody: AHHHHH!!

17) 1 arrives late for 2 and 10's wedding. What happens? And why are they late?

You're still talking about Benny and Ragnarok's gay wedding?? Wow, you're persistent! I can understand why Joey was late for that wedding... Poor Benjamin...

Benny: What did I do to deserve this...
Ragnarok: (burns the wedding dress that was being given to him out of rage and proceeds to burn the person who was giving him the dress)
Benny: At least they made HIM the bride...
Joey: (walks in)
Benny: You're late.
Joey: (taunting) Why you so eager?!
Benny: Screw you! Why were you late, anyways?
Joey: I had to find the camera back at the mansion! This is pure GOLD and I am NOT going to let this down, EVER!
Benny: Grr... FINE, but you'll have to be the one to carry Ragnarok's veil across the aisle AND be the one to push me there!
Joey: WHAT?? No way!
Benny: Then I have no choice but to destroy that camera...
Joey: (hides the camera behind his back) Wait just a minute there... Fine. Since you're my best friend, I'll do it.
Random people: (singing Here Comes the Bride)
Ragnarok: (makes two miniature meteors fall on the people)
Joey: Should we do something about him?
Benny: He's got a reason to be irate...
Ana: (back at the mansion) Actually, now that I think about it, I feel even sadder for the people who tick Ragnarok off today...

18) 5 and 9 get roaring drunk and end up at your house. What happens?

Shadow and Justin getting drunk? I can see it happening... But, since they're going to MY house, this will be a problem...

Me: (opens door) What have you done to him, Justin?!
Justin: Oh great, (hic) just because... just because I'm around, it's... it's... (hic) it's immediately my fault!
Me: Yes, Justin. When you're around, it always IS your fault! At least you're sober enough to realize that I'm angry at you right now.
Shadow: THAT WAS... WAS... IT WAS AWESOME, MAN!! It was awesome... and... stuff...
Justin: No... NO, man... it was... it was... was... y-(hic)-YEAH, it was awesome!!
Shadow: Hey, Justin... thanks... thanks... for the... strip club was great, man...
Me: You brought him to a strip club?!
Justin: So what if I did... He's an adult... L-(hic)-let him have his... his... an adult!
Me: Well, Shadow, you can come in and rest.
Shadow: (stumbles into my humble abode and pukes on my rug)
Me: Goddammit, man!! This is all your fault, Justin! You're not coming in here and you'll have to stumble all the way to HQ and explain yourself to Joe! Now get lost! (slams the door in Justin's face)
Justin: ... ... ... Sure thing, bro... (stumbles a bit but falls unconscious on my lawn)
Me: (looking out of a window) ... ... He'll be fine there until morning comes around. Now, Shadow, how many times must I tell you that Justin's a bad influence?!
Shadow: (passed out)
Me: (sighs and shakes head)

19) 3, 8, 6, and 4 all go to the zoo for 8's birthday party. How does it go? What presents do they get 8?

Marvin and three of the girls?! Why does he get to be the pimp when he's the timid one?! Oh, cruel irony! Well, let's see what happens in the zoo during Marv's birthday bash...

Marvin: (blushing a lot) Where are the other guys?
Ana: None of the "guys" are coming! It's just you and the gals!
Marvin: If that's true... where's Nina?
Domina: She's hanging out with Bentley as usual.
Marvin: Then why isn't Ana hanging out with Joey?
Ana: I can't stay around my boyfriend all the time! I'm not as obsessed as Nee is!
Lux (to Ana): Let's go buy a gift for the guy and leave these two alone.
Ana (to Lux): Good idea. (escape)
Marvin: (looking around) Where did they go?!
Domina: (also looking around) I don't know!
Marvin: (blushing) L-looks like it's just the two of us left...
Domina: (gulp) Y-yeah...
Marvin: ... ... ...
Domina: ... ... Oh! I haven't greeted you all day! I'm sorry for that... Happy birthday, Marvin.
Marvin: Th-thanks, D-domi.
Domina: I-I-I already have a present for you...
Marvin: Really? What is it?
Domina: This... (kisses Marvin)
Marvin: (shocked but kisses back)
Lux and Ana: (come back) Whoa... We were only gone for five minutes.
Domina and Marvin: (release lip-lock in shock) (blushing) Uh...
Ana: Don't worry, guys! It's nothing to be ashamed about!
Lux: Yeah, guys. It's perfectly natural!
Ana: Anyways, while Domi was busy giving you your "birthday present", me and Lux got one for you as well! Happy birthday, Marv!
Marvin: (receives a box full of sushi) Haha! Thanks guys! This trip was great!
Girls: No problem, Marv!

20) Everyone gets together and starts protesting something outside of your house. What are they protesting? What do you do?

I know what they'll be protesting to me about! This will be pretty simple.

Everyone (including Ragnarok if he could talk): Let us live our own lives! Give us free will! Let us live our own lives! Give us free will!
Me: Not gonna happen as long as I'm still alive!

21) 9 murders 2's best friend. What does 2 do to get back at them?

Actually, Justin cannot do this. If he kills Joey, Justin will not be able to exist for a yang cannot exist without its yin. Let's just see what happens...

Justin: (reloads his rifle and wipes the blood off of his face) Hehehe... Goodbye, Joey Sandders.
Benny: What have you done?!
Justin: I murdered your useless best friend!
Benny: Well, congratulations, you idiot! You just killed yourself as well!
Justin: What? (starts fading) W-what the... What manner of sorcery is this?!
Benny: He was your vessel, you twit! Without him, you cannot exist!
Justin: Damn... I forgot all about that... since it was me, after all, who stated this fact in the first place... Oh well.
Benny: You don't even feel any remorse?!
Justin: Why would I pity those that don't think for their own welfare? That would be including me.
Benny: Goddammit, you're heartless!!
Justin: That I am. Goodbye, Benny Boggler. (points his rifle at Benny and shoots it and disappears instantly)
Benny: (bullet disappears as well right before it strikes Benny on the head) AHHHHH!! ... ... ... Huh? I'm still alive? (phew) But Joey... poor Joey...

22) 6 and 1 are in mortal danger. Only one of them can survive. Does 6 save themselves or 1?

This is a sibling thing and everyone knows how THOSE turn up! Let's read on, shall we.

Ragnarok: (suddenly appears in the form of shadow-melding)
Lux: Oh, CRAP!! It's Ragnarok!
Joey: Dammit! What should we do, Lux?!
Lux: You should run off and get help!
Joey: I'm not leaving here without you!
Lux: GO, you stubborn moron! We will need more help if we are to bring Ragnarok down again!
Joey: B-but, but...
Lux: GO!!
Joey: Yes, ma'am... (runs off, looks back, and continues running)
Lux: Okay... Do your worst, you (bleeped) up demon...
Ragnarok: (grins eerily and changes the room as usual)
Lux: I'm sorry, Joey... but I feel that I won't be able to survive this...

23) Which one of them is most likely to fail at life?

Fail at life? Wow, this meme is cruel... But I know just who to use!

Shadow: Oh, COME ON!! ME?!

24) 5 is trapped in a cave. 10 comes to rescue them. What happens?

I feel so sad for Shadow... That is all I have to say for the poor dude.

Shadow: I'm lost... I knew I shouldn't have tried to take a shortcut! Hello! Is anybody there?!
Ragnarok: (is somehow also in the cave) (punches the wall of the cave for no apparent reason) (stalactites starts falling)
Shadow: Oh, (bleep)!! (dodging falling rocks and stones and tries to run in random directions) (ends up at the entrance of the cave) W-whuh??
Joey: There you are! We've been worried about you.
Shadow: Was there an earthquake?
Joey: No, but the cave was somehow collapsing upon itself. I'm glad that you got out before it completely did.
Shadow: Well, whatever the cause of that quake was, it saved my life.
Ragnarok: (glares at the gang and disappears)

25) 3 starts a day camp. What happens?

Marvin starts a day camp. That's what happens.

Marvin: Okay, kids! You can go to the main cottage and eat your lunches now. Make sure to be back an hour from now.
Kids: Yes, sir, Mr. M! (run off to do crazy things)
Joey: (comes to visit) Looks like your day camp is doing pretty good, Marv!
Marvin: Oh, hey Joey! Yeah, it's turning out great! The kids are having a blast!
Joey: I have to ask you one thing, though...
Marvin: What?
Joey: (beating the crap out of Marvin) WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET THE GOOD THINGS IN THIS MEME??
Marivin: JOEY!! JOEY!! STOP!!
Kids: (come back) FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

26) 4, 6, and 7 are doing the Hokey-Pokey. 8 walks in. What happens?

All the girls, eh? Okay then.

Domina, Lux, and Nina: You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about.
Ana: (walks in) What the Hell are you guys doing?
Nina: The hokey-pokey.
Ana: Why?
Lux: Can't we have even a little bit of fun in our lives?
Ana: Okay...
All the girls: (ten minutes later) You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around! That's what it's all about!

27) 1 starts to write a fan-fiction where 9 and 10 are going out. What is 2's reaction?

I don't know yet, but hilarity is sure to ensue!

Joey: Hehehe! Now I shall make Justin grab Ragnarok's butt and Ragnarok blush from the action.
Benny: What are you doing?
Joey: Making a yaoi fanfic that involves Justin and Ragnarok!
Benny: Why would you do that? That's disgusting and just utterly wrong! I never even took you for being a yaoi fan!
Joey: Can't anybody make fun of people these days?!
Benny: Oh! You're making FUN of them! Haha! I see. You can go back to what you were doing. I'm supposed to be fixing myself up for my date later on tonight, anyways!
Joey: Okay, then. See you around, Ben!
Benny: Same with you, Joey!
Joey: And then I'll make Justin tell Ragnarok, "Hey, wanna make out and go all dirty in public?" to which I will make Ragnarok giggle to and agree.

28) 7 makes an apple pie. Is it any good?

Could be. Nina doesn't usually cook, let alone bake, but I think she'd be able to make a good pie.

Nina: Hey, Benny! I baked you a pie! (a screaming face suddenly appears on the pie as if it were an evil spirit trying to push its way into the world of the living)
Nina and Benny: O_O!!
Nina: On second thought, I didn't bake you a pie... (throws it into the garbage bin)

Hmph... Guess I was wrong...

29) 8 and 3 go camping. For some reason they forget to bring any food. What do they do?

I can't imagine Marvin forgetting to bring food... Especially if the food were sushi, he'd bring baskets and baskets of it! That man sure loves his sushi...

Ana: Wait a minute! We forgot to bring any food!
Marvin: Oh man! And I packed a bunch of sushi too...
Ana: What's with you and sushi anywa...
Marvin: (suddenly has fire erupting everywhere around him) YOU SHALL NOT DIMINISH THE QUALITY OF THE GREATEST FOOD EVER THAT OF WHICH IS SUSHI!! (random volcano explodes in the background)
Ana: O-o-okay...
Marvin: (back to normal) So what do you propose we do about that?
Ana: We could go hunting!
Marvin: I don't want to kill any woodland creatures...
Ana: Okay, I guess we're stuck to picking berries until we get out of here then...
Marvin: Not as great as sushi, but it'll do.

30) While they are camping, they run into The Blair Witch. What do they do? (If you haven't seen that movie pretend they ran into the Bogeyman or something like that instead.)

Yes. I have watched the Blair Witch Project. Awesome improv. acting, I should say. Let's see what happens...

Ana and Marvin: (munching on berries)
Marvin: (notices something) Hey, what's that?
Ana: (looks over to where he's pointing and notices an abandoned house) Where did that come from?
Marvin: I don't know, but the place looks good for shelter against nature.
Ana: So, that'll be where we'll camp tonight?
Marvin: Yup.
Ana: (later on that night) And that is the story of the Blair Witch!
Marvin: I don't get the point of telling me that story when I've watched the movie...
Ana: Why didn't you tell me you watched the movie?!
Marvin: I don't know... It would have been funny?
Ana: Whatever...
Marvin: (suddenly facing a corner)
Ana: Very funny, Marv...
Blair Witch: (shrieks)
Ana: Damn! The stories were true! Marvin, snap out of it!!
Blair Witch: (grabs Ana)
Ana: Oh no you don't! (elbows the witch in her face and takes out her claw weapons) HI-YAH!! (jumps onto the Blair Witch)
Blair Witch: (got proven that it's not the best monster out there)
Ana: (pant)... (pant)... (pant) (walks over to Marvin and taps him on the shoulder) Hey, Marv.
Marvin: (turns around) What?
Ana: Why were you staring at the corner the whole time?
Marvin: (points at a plate of sushi on a table right on the corner) I don't know where this came from, but I smelt it, and I immediately went to eat it!
Ana: Urgh... I should have known... Well, give me some of the sushi, dammit! I'm starving!

31) The quiz is over. What does everyone go to do now?

They do what everybody does best when there is nothing to do!

Everybody (including Ragnarok, for some inexplicable reason): (dancing the Caramelldansen)
Joey: Dansa med oss!
Benny: Klappa era händer!
Marvin: Gör som vi gör!
Domina: Ta några steg åt vänster!
Shadow: Lyssna och lär!
Lux: Missa inte chansen!
Nina: Nu är vi här med!
Ana: Caramelldansen!
Justin: Oo-oo-oa-oa!
Ragnarok: (silent but still dancing)
Everybody: (partying their socks off)



What would happen if Pinocchio said, "My nose will not grow."

A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never quite sure.

Even though I know nothing, I at least know that I know something. Thus meaning I actually DO know ONE thing. Which means I am back to zero, as the thing I thought I knew is actually not true, causing me to know nothing at all.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect. Why practice?

When I am, death is not. When death is, I am not. Then why fear what I cannot be?

If I say, "... and shit." after stating my every activity, how do I tell someone that I just took a shit without it sounding funny?

Even if I choose not to decide, I still have made a choice.

All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.

Is a key still a key if there's nothing to unlock?

If you force sex upon a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting?

Why did the Flintstones have Christmas?

Most people are afraid of death, yet the same people won't want to live forever.

We avoid risks in life so we can make it safely to death.

Why do they sterilise needles used for lethal injections?

If actions are stronger than words, why is the pen mightier than the sword?

The Game: How can I lose if it is not a game. For you see, a game is something you can win and you can lose to, but here, I cannot win.

Philosoraptor's biggest foe yet: The next sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.

The first man who ever milked a cow... WTF was he doing there?

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make a plane.

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

If a robot does "the robot", would it still be called "the robot" or just "dancing"?

A day is one rotation of the Earth on its axis. God created the universe in six days. Before he created the Earth, hod did He know how long a day was?

That which is hard to do is best done bitterly.

If you're not part of the solution, you are the precipitate.

Why is /b/ faster when it is being spammed?

Why do they call it "taking a dump" when you're actually leaving one?

If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, what do they squeeze to get baby oil?

Sanity will only impede you.

... It's like an atheist, that works at a Christian book store...

If police proportionally benefit directly from illegal activities, how do we tell them apart from the "criminals"?

He who twitts a lot has both got nothing and a lot to do in his life.

Do I exist because there is porn of me, or is it that because I exist, there is porn of me?

Why date when one can rape?

Is the cake a lie?

If I try to lose the game and succeed, do I win the game?

If CP is posted and no Mods happen to see it, did it really happen?

You must have CP inside you to give birth to a dancing star.

Are we human or are we dancers?

Which came first? The advice or the dog?

Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day.

If /b/ has so much cancer, why not leave?



When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, stand back, and watch the people try to figure out how you did that.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you've ever done what you did.

If you cry, I will cry. If you laugh, I will laugh. If you fall off a cliff, I will laugh harder.

Before criticizing a man, wear his shoes and walk a mile, because by then, you'll be a mile away AND you'll have his shoes.

There are three kinds of people in the world: Those that can count and those that can't.

All work and no play makes one rich.

If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and nobody was there to witness it, the other trees will be laughing at that one tree that fell down.

People are just like Slinkies: They always look funny falling down the stairs.

9 out of 10 doctors would agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

The guy who made up the philosophy, "Nothing is impossible." never tried slamming a revolving door.

The early bird always catches the worm but the second mouse always gets the cheese.

One night, I laid down on my bed and stared up at the bountiful and beautiful stars and wondered to myself, "What happened to the roof?"

The most successful video on the internet will always be porn that involves defecating and vomiting.


Where in the nursery rhyme did it EVER say that Humpty Dumpty was an egg?

Also, where in the nursery rhyme did it EVER say that Jack and Jill were getting their pail of water from a well?

If there is one thing I am sure of, it is that I am DEFINITELY sure of something.

If someone throws a rock at you, move out of the way and don't stand there like an idiot.

If an irresistible force meets an immovable object, they'd both say, "Hello." to one another and go their separate ways.

If you break a mirror, you will get seven years of bad luck AND the unnerving sense that you now know that you are ugly.

Life is a comedy for those who feel, so take off your clothes and start the tickle-fest.

An apple a day will make us all fat in the end.

If two stars die at the exact same moment in close proximity to one another, which black hole would suck the other one in first? Would a black hole be able to suck a black hole, even? Where would the celestial bodies being sucked go in first? There are too many questions about black holes. Never divide by two zeros at the same time.

Pigs DO fly... when you shoot them out of a cannon, that is.

What you see is what you get. That, of course, means that the blind get nothing.

Should you be worried if you read on a sign, "Beware of Dog" after you've passed the dog so as to read the sign in the first place?

A friend can become a fiend and all it takes is to take one thing away.

The pen is mightier than the sword ONLY in terms of writing on paper.

If you cannot progress forward, somebody cut your legs off.

Ten copy cats walk together in single formation and the last one gets hit by a runaway car that is long gone before they realize what has happened. What do they do? Eight of them follow the one copy cat who's laughing his head off, of course!

Between a rock and a hard place, you will find Homer Simpson stuck to a wrecking ball.

If you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, that man over there is not your dad and your mom never made love to a human being.

Fire was discovered when a caveman was struck by a lightning bolt.


(My friend, David, talking to my other friend, Dylan)
David: Hey Dylan! I've still got the video where you jumped, kicked, failed, and fell!
Dylan: SWEET!!

(My friend, Adrian, was trying to think of an epic video to post to Youtube)
Adrian: Think of something epic to put on my Youtube account...
Me: What about randomly going up to a hobo while he's taking a piss and kicking him in the butt?
Adrian: That'd be AWESOME!! 4chan's new sport: Hobo Kicking!

Kevin (my friend): Why are you being nice to Faye and not me?!
Me: Because I'm Anti-Kevin today and Pro-Faye!
Faye (my other friend): (points and laughs at Kevin)


(Dad takes crab stew out of microwave)
Me: I don't get it... Is it cold?

(From Crocodile Dundee, a movie)
(Crocodile Dundee and Sue are being mugged)
Mugger: You got a light?
Dundee: Yeah, here (takes out a lighter)
Mugger: And your wallet too (takes out a switchblade)
Sue: I think you better listen to what he says!
Dundee: Why?
Sue: He's got a knife!
Dundee: That's a knife? (takes out a hunting knife) THIS is a knife! (slices mugger's sleeves off)
Mugger: AHHH!!

(Charlie the Unicorn)
Charlie: Alright guys, you do know that there's no actual Candy Mountain, right?
Blue: Shun the nonbeliever!
Pink: Shun!
Blue: Shhhhhhhuuuuunnnnnah!
Charlie: (Would facepalm if he could) ... Yeah.

(Same Charlie video)
Blue: Charlie... Chaaaarliiieee... Chaaarliiieee... Cha-
Blue: We're on a bridge, Charlie!

(Charlie the Unicorn 2)
Charlie: Oh, look at that.
Pink and Blue: Z!!
Blue: El hombre con el sombrero nos envió! (The man with the hat sent us!)
Pink: En nos contó muchas historias asombrosas! (He told us many amazing stories!)
(The letter Z makes a bunch of bleeping sounds)
Pink and Blue: Hohohohoho!
Charlie: What?
Pink: Sernos el tortugas, esta noche! (Tonight, we dine on turtles!)
Blue: Será buenos, a la Z! (They will be good, Z!)
(The letter Z shoots a laser at Charlie)
Charlie: Ahh! What did you two do?!
Pink and Blue: Z!!
Blue: Soy feliz! (I am happy!)
(The letter Z makes another bunch of bleeping sounds)
Pink and Blue: Hohohohoho!
(The letter Z bleeps in an eerie manner)
Charlie: (mumbling to himself) Just keep walking, Charlie. Keep walking...

(Charlie the Unicorn 3)
Charlie: I'm not gonna even ask how I'm still alive because you know what I think? I think I died long ago and you two are my eternal punishment!
Blue: You're like a constant downer, huh?

(Same Charlie video)
Charlie: What is the door?
Blue: The door is everything...
Pink: All that once was and all that will be...
Blue: The door controls time and space...
Pink: Life and death...
Blue: The door can see into your mind...
Pink: The door can see into your SOUL!!
Charlie: (terrified) R-really? The door can do all that?
Pink: Haha... no!

Dylan: We should totally make a death metal cover for Mary Had a Little Lamb! Anton can growl it!
Anton: (Tries and fails)
Sean (a friend): Just eat your watermelon, man...

Me: The world is filled with weird people!
Adrian: You would know all about that!
Me: Exactly!

(Some random Pokemon spoof video on Youtube)
Wild Mewtwo appeared!!11one!! ZOMFG WTF?!
Go, Chikorita!!
Chikorita used Razor Leaf!
Mewtwo's awesomeness blocked the attack!
Chikorita come back!
Get 'em Cyndaquil!
Cyndaquil used Flame Wheel!
Mewtwo is still too awesome to give a crap!
Cyndaquil return!
Mewtwo's getting pissed off!
Totodile! Go!
Totodile used Water Gun!
Mewtwo is charging it's lazer!!
Mewtwo Shooped Da Whoop!!
Player got fked up!

(Same Youtube video)
N00b Trainer: Our eyes met! Let's battle!! :3
Player: But I wasn't even looking at you...
Player refused weak and unworthy challenger. (pushes N00b Trainer into the grass making him flash and disappear into a wild Pokemon battle)
N00b Trainer got fcked up by Mewtwo!

(Some random Left 4 Dead spoof video on Youtube)
(Playing as Louis and hiding from zombies while in the water)
Haha what noobs! Hiding in the house?
Everybody knows zombies cant swim!
They are going to get DESTROYED
(Gets attacked by a zombie)
What was that?
MOLOTOV GO! (throws a molotov)

(Same Youtube video)

Me (to Dylan): About that idea for Mary Had a Little Lamb, I have a better one! Let's make a screamo version of Rock-a-bye Baby!

Me: The most epic facepalm would have to be smashing your face into a falling palm tree.

Ed Wynn (American Comedian and Actor of the 1900's): A comedian is not a man who says funny things. A comedian is one who says things funny.

Me (while playing Sweet Home Alabama on Guitar Hero with a character designed as a ninja): OH MY GAWD!! A NINJA PLAYING COUNTRY MUSIC!!

Adrian: Oh yeah, by the way, you lost the game.

Guybrush Threepwood (in the new Tales of Monkey Island game series): Prepare to meet your frosty carbonated maker, LeChuck!

Guybrush: Booyah! Look out, LeChuck! Here comes Guybrush Threepwood's glowing sword of hot monkey vengeance!


(Me and my family are eating out in a Chinese restaurant and we are given some fortune cookies)
Dad: (opens his fortune cookie) (reading) Wealth and good fortune are in your future. (the bill comes)
Me: It seems that that time isn't now.

Me: My mind is slowly careening into a state of mental retardation...

Adrian: Did you hear about Billy Mays' death?
Me: Yeah. I heard that he was found dead in his house.
Adrian: Do you know who killed him?
Me: Who?
Adrian: Vince (the ShamWow guy) did it! He stabbed him in the back and wiped up all the blood with a ShamWow!
Me: I guess that product does make you go wow!


David crawled through the window of Adrian's house because he was too lazy to go through the door.

My friend, Anton, was wrapped in a blanket and sleeping on his couch when Adrian and Dylan just suddenly pounced on him and started whacking him with pillows. I joined shortly afterward.

I randomly screamed in the middle of everybody when we were playing Brawl.

Some skater dude bailed while trying to do a trick on wet concrete.

Adrian, Dylan, David, Kevin, and I slammed the door into Sean's face and Adrian shouted, "Door pwnage!"

Tank from Left 4 Dead shoots off into the distance after he gets affected by the Turret Launcher Glitch.

My mom got addicted to a jigsaw puzzle game so much, she didn't notice when everyone greeted dad, "Happy Father's Day".

Me and my dad tried to think of as much Disney animated movies (not including sequels to the movies) we could without the aid of a reference. We amounted about 44 right answers and 19 wrong answers. All in all, there are 77 animated Disney movies already made and in the works.

David (no, not the first one. This is a different David. This also isn't my cousin) had a big bag of Cheddar Cheese Doritos and some Timbits which I just grabbed and ran away with.

Faye had a heatstroke. This is in no way funny and was very depressing because it was her birthday today, on June 24.

Had to go to the dentist and almost had a heart attack when the dentist broke her seat.

As I was waiting at a bus stop, I looked around and noticed that the people that were around me were comprised as follows: A bunch of old ladies, 6 gangster-type guys, 2 emo-type guys, an autistic person and the person helping him around, and a man dressed up as a Shaolin Monk. You've read that right. A Shaolin Monk.

My mind went numb for no apparent reason... other than learning about all the games announced last E3! They're all AWESOME!!

I watched Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and I have to say that in comparison to the first movie, it was funnier and more action packed! Though I liked the story of the first movie better, I suggest that you watch this movie because it's just that plainly awesome!

I've finally finished my five chapter montage! I'm so happy I could just die! I'll tell MJ hi for y'alls!

I've recently joined a website called Know Your Meme that's founded and controlled by the Rocketboom Institute for Internet Studies. This will impede me from much of my useless time-wasting, therefore, I have less time to update. Sorry about this.

Basically that's it. I guess I'll see you soon then!

Your friendly, neighborhood Spiderman... uh ...er... I mean... free bird... urgh... whatever...

JSandders signing out!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Subspace Emissary's Worlds Conquest by AuraChannelerChris reviews
REWRITTEN Chapter 5: A series of events lands a party member in an unlucky situation, making the others race against the clock before it is too late...
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 221 - Words: 4,047,350 - Reviews: 2741 - Favs: 1,189 - Follows: 927 - Updated: 7/22 - Published: 3/4/2008 - OC, Lucario, Ness, Jeff
365 by pgasniper reviews
365, the amount of days in a year. Read as the Smashers live and try to survive the year in Smashville, after all that should be easy enough, right? A story spanning the whole year. Mayor Crazy Hand is sick of his job and goes to find the perfect replacement: some random person off of the street. Also, war has been declared on Smashville.
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 264 - Words: 477,015 - Reviews: 1165 - Favs: 135 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 1/22/2014 - Published: 12/31/2008
The Last True Crime by Angelos D. Wolf reviews
After revealing he has faked amnesia, Sly leaves Carmelita to finish one last mission in hopes that it will protect her so they can finally be together. The last thing he must do. The last loose end he needs to tie up. The Last True Crime.
Sly Cooper - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 270,191 - Reviews: 279 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 3/2/2013 - Published: 5/5/2008 - Sly C., Carmelita F.
SlyCooper Book3: Dawn of Progeny by Kit-Karamak reviews
Third story in the Sly trilogy, including Lament of Carmelita and Spy Cooper. THIS STORY IS NOW COMPLETE. THE TRILOGY IS NOW COMPLETE. Hooray! Yay even! It's SO LONG. I can't believe it took me six years to write all three. Sheesh. Well, ENJOY! New: Added book cover of Karla in Cryogenic Stasis by WhitMaverick.
Sly Cooper - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 37 - Words: 406,965 - Reviews: 201 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 8/19/2011 - Published: 12/11/2008 - Sly C., Carmelita F. - Complete
SlyCooper Book2: Spy Cooper by Kit-Karamak reviews
STORY IS COMPLETE. This is the SECOND story of my trilogy, which takes place AFTER Lament of Carmelita but BEFORE Dawn of Progeny. Thank you for reading. I decided on a "sweet" ending instead of an intense climatic one.
Sly Cooper - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 214,082 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 10/10/2010 - Published: 11/28/2006 - Carmelita F., Sly C. - Complete
Breeze Heart by Dolphinlight reviews
After the Metarex have been defeated and Chris has gone home, everything seems calm and back to normal...that is until Sonic finds a kidnapped vixen in Eggman's basement who is destined to change her new friend's hearts. TailsxOC SonicXAmy KnucklesXRouge
Sonic the Hedgehog - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 67,344 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 11/18/2009 - Published: 2/11/2009 - Tails, Shadow - Complete
Sonic Movie Parodies by makoncrayley reviews
Exactly what you think it is. Send in your requests or suggestions for movies. I'll take any movie.
Sonic the Hedgehog - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 112 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/13/2009
Curses! by Threepwillow reviews
Fourteen-year-old Razputin Aquato is the only one his father can trust to break the curse on their family. Can he and Lili track down the last remaining Galochio before it's too late? :::RazxLili, background MillaxSasha::: NOW COMPLETE!
Psychonauts - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 55,318 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 6/2/2009 - Published: 1/6/2009 - Complete
Sonic Truth or Dare: Uncensored by Aretsukusu reviews
Sonic the Hedgehog - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 22 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 11/29/2008 - Published: 10/14/2008
Sonic Insanity by Mecha Scorpion reviews
Unusual circumstances force Sonic, Shadow, Tails and Knuckles into the same house, with hilarious results. Insanity ensues when Eggman enters the equation. Please review!
Sonic the Hedgehog - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 96 - Words: 189,384 - Reviews: 1259 - Favs: 251 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 11/27/2008 - Published: 9/26/2005 - Sonic, Shadow
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Who is the Greatest Video Game Villain Ever? reviews
This is a survey on who the biggest, baddest, blood-thirstiest top 20 villains in any video game are! I need you reviews to make the list and choose who deserve to be called greatest video game villains! Read first chapter for more info.
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 409 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/29/2009
Super Smash Bros: Dark Matter reviews
This story portrays the adventures of the Smashers after the Subspace Emissary incident. Sora is in it and he's lost his memory about any Disney character including Donald and Goofy! Read on if you want to find out about this and other wacky things! R&R
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 25,874 - Reviews: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/11/2009 - Published: 2/5/2009