jasper is all mine
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Joined 01-31-09, id: 1823643, Profile Updated: 04-26-09
Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.

hi im 12 and my name is darby but my nickname is alice cuz i look and act just like her!! :))) he dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide ( srry i love this)

freind ""

" when we go to the zoo im going to find a fox and name him jasper then im going to find i black kitten and name her alice then i will put the cat in the cage with the fox and see what happens mybe lil kittne foxes will happen unless they r vamps then noning will happen" me when me and bella where talking about when we will go to the zooooo!!

"beer where is the beer i what some."me

"oioooo deer not beer then dont eat bambi"me

"do vamps have livers?"lexa

"cough cough im coking on my liver"lexa

" i loveEeEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEeE bleer ( it blood and beer)"lexa

" balls togher" my freind becky( also bella) me " ewwwwww bell bell thats grossssss"

" bella is edward herion and alice is jasper and rose is emmetts and my herion is suger"me and kayla( also rosalie)

" so the loin fell in llove with the lamd, u know what f the lamb."Bella( beckky)

"omjjjjjjjjjjjj( o my jasper) i just found out that your a ding" me to bella

"wowwww is jackson hot he is like 1,000000 degees"me " " ummm alice that cant happen" rosalie " carp popp" me

the fangirls

Becca's shoes http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.kurtgeiger.com/dynamic/eshop/product_images/thumbnail_cache/474x427/9869220209-1-carvela-sister-grey-boots-high-heel.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.kurtgeiger.com/online-shop/52298-carvela-sister&usg=_FKhj8yRtMRet1iBmlg5mvxtuzyA=&h=356&w=474&sz=8&hl=en&start=30&tbnid=ishOwBKQPhbpjM:&tbnh=97&tbnw=129&prev=/images3Fq3Dgray2Bhigh2Bheels26gbv3D226ndsp3D2026hl3Den26sa3DN26start3D20

Darby's shoes http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.shoes.com/productimages/SHOES_IAEC1022469.JPG&imgrefurl=http://www.womensshoessale.com/category/metallic-shoes/&usg=_B0pW7qATGqviyJtPkCsNRMxj3pA=&h=350&w=350&sz=17&hl=en&start=8&tbnid=WPl7blea2lqvVM:&tbnh=120&tbnw=120&prev=/images3Fq3Dwhite2Band2Bsilver2Bballet2Bflats26gbv3D226hl3Den

Becca's cami http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.beklina.com/myolee_cami.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.beklina.com/tallahenley.html&usg=_ZhfS9XYI1tPEBSfWla2dvFV68xM=&h=434&w=350&sz=42&hl=en&start=22&tbnid=MX7d6mZFi-IAMM:&tbnh=126&tbnw=102&prev=/images3Fq3Dblack2Bcami26gbv3D226ndsp3D2026hl3Den26sa3DN26start3D20

Darby's cami https://www.btowstore.com/WebRoot/BT2/Shops/Store2_002E_Shop1559/45FC/0FD6/9910/4F08/545B/AC10/3D2A/B0DD/Colleen_White_Cami_h.jpg

Becca's V neck sweater http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://www.loserkids.com/images/product/main/LKVOWS0000058.jpg&imgrefurl=https://www.loserkids.com/product-exec/product_id/8597/nm/Volcom_Main_Squeeze_Girls_Sweater_Buster_Brown/category_id/707&usg=_XCy5_sgz8QAkbJqNBsx91iQiI5k=&h=300&w=300&sz=8&hl=en&start=65&tbnid=Ki2f_EGebAWZSM:&tbnh=116&tbnw=116&prev=/images3Fq3Dv2Bneck2Bsweater2Bfor2Bgirls26gbv3D226ndsp3D2026hl3Den26sa3DN26start3D60

Darby's v neck sweater http://blog.cleveland.com/everythingtween/2008/01/medium_vnecksweater.jpg

Becca's white skinny jeans http://www.lipsy.co.uk/Assets/Lipsy/products/D/N/0/DN00109-001_a_p.jpg

Darby's black skinny jeans http://www.lipsy.co.uk/Assets/Lipsy/products/D/N/0/DN00109-001_a_p.jpg

copy and paste

if you'd vote for Jasper as president of USA copy and paste this onto your profile ( the 1st sexy president)

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Bella is out of her mind for saying no to Edward's proposal in New Moon and you want to hit her hard upside the head with a blunt axe, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this to your profile.

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

f you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile. Only a vegetarian, like the Cullens! I don't want to eat people!

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

I read New Moon and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you (lolz)

Mommy..Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost

(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "i'll miss you..."

(2)Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

there were 3girls

They were looking through peoples
MySpaces.

The girl slowly came upon this one
myspace.

It had creatures in the background and the man
looked like a psycho.

She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.

Right then, an instant message came up.

It said:

SatanStalker: So how do u like my
MySpace??

XxLoVemExX: What??

XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??

SatanStalker: Well, you should know;
youre looking at my MySpace right now.

XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??

SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.

XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make
any sense, how?

SatanStalker: I just do.

Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you.

Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say.

At the time the girl was wearing high
shorts.

She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what
ever she could. Her and her friend started to get
worried now.

XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me.

SatanStalker: You should be afraid.

SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you
just said about me with your friend like a
minute ago.

They were in shock.

Her friend: Holy crap man just block him
hes a fcking psycho!

The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes
watching us?

SatanStalker: I am.

SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really
matter if you blocked me anyway; it wouldnt stop me
from coming to your house.

XxLoVemExX: What? My house?

SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its
not a problem.

XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out.

SatanStalker: Your screen name says
love me, trust me that wont be a problem.

SatanStalker has just signed off.

The girl and her friend were really
scared. Girls

friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone.

They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight.

All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok.

Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was
still in the bathroom and was wondering what was up.

She goes and knocks but no one said
anything

she opens it and finds her friend there on
the ground dead. She started to scream but when she
turned around he was there. News the next morning said that there was one girl dead in the bathroom;

her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head.

If you do not repost this in the next two
minutes here will be three men, one in your
bathroom,

one in your room, and one killing your parents at that
very moment.

Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for?

Repost or you are going to die.

XoX

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts...)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to…)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for any other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(No, I don’t think peanuts have nuts in them. –heavy sarcasm-)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

On a Vornado space heater:

Digital Vortex heat.

(oh so now I can’t even have heat only digital heat!)

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed

an apple a day keeps the docter away, if the docter is cute(coughcarlislecough) SREW THE FRUIT!!

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter (it did)

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile

There aA good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

there very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.

On a child's Superman costume: Warning: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly. (I blame the parents for that one)

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Jasper Hale or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you call everyone in the phone book that has the last name Cullen or Hale. Crazy is when you honestly belive Jasper exists. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you went to sleep at around 2 am reading Twilight and/or New Moon, copy and pastes this onto your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile (Hee hee, Twilight...)

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.

It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken.

Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway.

On a package of peanuts: open package, eat nuts. (What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid a--.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1903 ( she is really 19)

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier, hotter and spicier Than You since 1901

I read Eclipse and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD

OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. That and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.

If you want Bella to turn into a vampire, copy and paste this into your profile

1. Only in
America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in
America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put
our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8.
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages
of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'

.
10. Only in America...do they have
drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you like pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a fan of Edward Cullen, save a cow, eat a lion.

If you're a fan of Bella Swan, then you've got issues, girl.

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon, Copy and paste this to your profile

If you think that disclaimers are the most annoying things EVER Copy and paste this to your profile

If you've ever burst into song for no reason Copy and paste this to your profile

If you know someone that should be hit by a bus Copy and paste this to your profile

If you think that Twilight is the best book know to woman... (And man!) Copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've reread Twilight over 4 times...copy/paste this into your profile.

If, when you have a boy, you'll seriously consider naming him Edward...copy/paste this into your profile

If, when you have a girl, you'll seriously consider naming her Isabella...copy/paste this into your profile

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you are counting the days until Breaking Dawn comes out...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you are willing to admit that you are absolutely in love with Edward Cullen, a completely fictional character...copy/paste this into your profile

If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Edward)...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over a WATCH YOUR STEP sign...copy/paste this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a mirror...copy/paste this into your profile.

If every locker you have ever had/have hates you and wouldn't/doesn't open up for you...copy/paste this into your profile.

If whenever you see a silver Volvo and you start to scream "Edward", copy and paste this in your profile

If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you flip whenever you see someone reading a Twilight series book and you want to talk to them all about it, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are Team Edward, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

A Real Boyfriend

When she stares at your mouth

Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you

Grab her and dont let go

When she starts cursing at you tryin to act all tuff

Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet

Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you

Give her your attention

When she pulls away

Pull her back

When you see her at her worst

Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying

Just hold her and dont say a word

When you see her walking

Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared

Protect her

When she steals your favorite hat

Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you

Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time

reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt

Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you

SHE REALLY DOES MORE THAN YOU COULD UNDERSTAND!

When she grabs at your hands

Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you;

bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret

keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes

dont look away until she does

When she says it's over

she still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this bulletin

she wants you to read it

- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :

Call you.

Kiss you.

Love you.

Text you.

Guys post as: "I'd be this Boyfriend."

Girls post as: "A real Boyfriend."

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the name "Jasper" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friends are considering torturing you because you won't shut up about the Twilight series, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the ABC's song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune...

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think the semi-colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you think Bella is out of her mind for saying no to Edward's proposal in New Moon and you want to hit her hard upside the head with a blunt axe, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever not known where you were when there was a sign right next to you, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into the men's toilets instead of the ladies or vice versa, paste this onto your profile.

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder.

If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile.

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coca-coca Puff Turky-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you agree with Bella that her life without Edward is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile

You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile.

IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM!

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Whoever said, "Nothing's impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.

Being mature is overrated.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide!

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

If one of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this to your profile.

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If you like Subway, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you spend multiple hours a day reading or writing or a combination of both, copy this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are totally confused right now copy this onto your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do drugs and alcohol. If you like bagels, copy this into your profile.

93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you've read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse over four times, copy this onto your profile

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

If you are planning on mobbing Stephenie Meyer's publisher because you want Breaking Dawn NOW, copy this onto your profile and get your pitchforks

If you get ticked and throw a fit until all the people in the room leave because someone said the characters of Twilight aren't real, copy this onto your profile

If you are addicted to copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door

If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager grls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

IF EDWARD AND BELLA DONT STAY TOGETHER I'M GONNA STAB SOMEONE! Repost this if you agree

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s including Bella Disorder.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder I will die this way

Twilight Oath-

I promise to remember Bella

Each time I carelessly fall down

And I promise to remember Edward

Whenever I'm out of town

I promise to obey traffic laws

For Charlies sake of course

And I promise to remember Jacob

When my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Carlisle

When ever I am in the Emergency Room

And I promise to remember Emmett

Every time there's a huge boom

I promise to to remember Rose

Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty

And I promise to remember Alice

When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me

I promise to remember Nessie

When I see that beautiful curly hair

And I promise to remember Esme

When someone tells me they care

I promise to remember Jasper

Whenever my emotions are unfurled

And I promise to remember the Volturi

When someone speaks of dominating the world

Yes I promise to love Twilight

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

BEST FRIENDS N FRIENDS:

FRIENDS:never ask anything to eat or drink

BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS:Call your parents M. Mrs and grandma and grandpa

BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the process

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore

FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you

BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the BLEEP out of him/her by threatening to break every bone in him/her's body if he/she hurts your bestfriend

FRIENDS: Will say you can do better

BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say"you have seven days to live"

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BESTFRIENDS:Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move

BESTFRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall

BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain

BESTFRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected

BESTFRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number

BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BESTFRIENDS:Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS:Will leave you behind if thats what everyone else is doing

BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BESTFRIENDS:Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)

BESTFRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS:Will be there to take your drink away when they think youve had enough

BESTFRIENDS:Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you know we dont waste

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his ass

FRIENDS: bail you outta jail

BEST FRIENDS: sit next to you singing the jail song

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS:dare you to scream into the street

BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" (don't ask you don't want to know)

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BESTFRIENDS:Will repost this crap.

A poem about Child Abuse

My name is Lucifer

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong

I can’t speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren’t home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe ill just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He’s already locked it

And i start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I’m sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While i lay there motionless

Brawled on the floor

My name is Lucifer

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

Now i roam the underworld,

to help those in need.

I may seem evil,

but i'm not.

And if you read this

and don’t pass it on

I pray for your forgiveness

Because you would have to be

AOne heartless person

To not be effected

By this Poem

And because you are effected,

Do something about it!

So all i ask you to do

Is pass this on!

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand
up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do
you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you
standing there all by yourself!"

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself
beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a
tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention i n class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the
10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and
asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the
policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny
asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad,
why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying
horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape be fore
I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to
buy Mom." ~ I love these

I have sooooo many ideas for storys but my word is not working soooooooo i will try to still write

? and awsner ( srry if i spelled it wrong its 11:27)

1.What is your fav color?

yellow or red idk both i guess

2 What is your fav twi char?

Alice all the way im just like her

3.What is your fav line in the twi saga?

" I felt hope"

4. Why do u love Alice?

Cuz i love me and we r just alike so i love her

5.Who is your fav guy in the twi saga?

JASPER ALL THE WAY HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FRECKING SEXY!!

6. Who is your bffl?

While i dont say bffl i say bfflcwsassy that mean best freinds for life cuz were sexy and stuff so YEAH!! and my top one is becky and then lexa cuz i can trust them the most ( srry liz but your my bfflcwpasy ( best freind for llife cuz were pimping and stuff so YEAH).

7.OK last ? what is your fav thing in the world?

Ummmm i think... my edward cardbroad cut out or my dog sunny nicknamed Quil when he is a wolf and Emmett when he is a vamp or jasper cuz if jasper waz a dog he would look like sunny.

Ok my bfflcwsassy lexa is writeing a great story where we r trapped by James and jasper & carlisle save us by biteing us, here is one lil part, Tump " What what was that?" Darby ask while sitting on the ground. Then she looked around " OH haaaa that was meeeeeee' she yelled. It is sooo clear that she is high on suger or air, i still dont know how she gets high on air.

OK and btw the song of the week ( of more) is " do you like waffles"

Wreid faces now!! :) :( ;) :O : P ( i do that face alot) ;( :@ : ) : (

ok so like bbi ( IM PISSED TODAY CUZ I WAZ LOOKING AT PICS OF JACKSON RATHBONE AND IT THEY CHANGED AL THE CHARS LOOKS FROM THE 1ST MOVIE ( I DONT MIND ALICE CUZ NOW IT LOOKS MORE LIKE HER) GRRR)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Notes with Alice, Bella & The Cullens by lanna-misssunshine reviews
Who are Batman & Pigeon? Emmett is Captain Doofus? What are the Cullen's irrational fears and why oh why does Jasper have a spoon in his pocket? (Kind of weird, read the summary in the a/n inside, it gets back to BxE normal note passing after a few chapters, promise.)
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 95 - Words: 111,014 - Reviews: 4391 - Favs: 800 - Follows: 472 - Updated: 7/11/2013 - Published: 10/3/2007
Notes Galore! by Nosuchthingashappilyeverafter reviews
What happens when you mix a very hyper Bella, a pad of paper and a pen? THIS! Baisiclly, the Cullen's start passing note instead of talking. Very random, very, very OOC. Very funny. So, please read and reveiw.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 121 - Words: 40,684 - Reviews: 2741 - Favs: 398 - Follows: 203 - Updated: 4/29/2012 - Published: 6/7/2008 - Complete
Bored of Eternity by xx-twilight7-xx reviews
The Cullens, including Bella, are bored out of their minds. There are too many random things to describe. How much fun can you get up to with the Wii, toothbrushes, llamas, evil Jasper, fake blood and much more? Canon Pairings. Extreme OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 48 - Words: 115,332 - Reviews: 1044 - Favs: 244 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 10/6/2011 - Published: 7/14/2008 - Complete
Emmett's Entertainment by moosie49 reviews
Sorry for the lack of... um... updation? anyways, its basically funny Emmett with mostly Bella stories... Had fun writing them, so I hope you have fun reading them...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 6,388 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 2/7/2011 - Published: 8/15/2008 - Emmett, Bella
Teddybears, Boogeymen and Bedtime Stories by demented bunny reviews
Bella is six years old and is adopted by the cullens but the Cullens dont know that Edward is hiding something. Cullens are vampires. Bella is a human. ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 65,154 - Reviews: 2402 - Favs: 1,203 - Follows: 1,089 - Updated: 9/9/2010 - Published: 12/23/2008 - Bella, Edward
Twilight parody by midgeon12 reviews
This a parody, just look at the title...anyways, plese read! characters will be ooc cuz its aparody, dont like it, 2 bad. suck it up, just like a vampire! rated T for language, randomness and few quotes not suitable for children under the age of 12
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,635 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/31/2010 - Published: 4/22/2009 - Bella, Edward
Getting Kicked Out Of Wal Mart by readinangel reviews
When Alice get an email about what not to do in Wal Mart, she decides she wants to test them out. She brings Em, Ed, Bell, Rose, and Jazz along, and it results in choas! Warning: you will laugh. Characters mostly in cannon!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 20,835 - Reviews: 1308 - Favs: 514 - Follows: 254 - Updated: 7/1/2010 - Published: 2/4/2009 - Complete
Emmett, Nessie, and the Monster in the Closet by Still-Obsessed reviews
Nessie is being babysat by Emmett and runs to Emmett in fear when she says that she heard a monster in her enormous closet. What does Emmett try to do to help? Poll results are in!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,557 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 3/13/2010 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Emmett, Renesmee C./Nessie
Chat room fun by Marshies reviews
Nothing can go wrong in a chat room right?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 1,435 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/6/2010 - Published: 3/31/2009 - Edward, Bella
Love and Bodyguards by klutzygirl34 reviews
Bella is one of the most famous people in the world, she has all she could ever need, or so she thought until she hired Edward the bodyguard...could she get passed her protective barriers? Can Edward change his stereotypical assumptions about celebrities?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 29,916 - Reviews: 289 - Favs: 155 - Follows: 176 - Updated: 12/27/2009 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Bella, Edward
No talking! Write it down :D by madeinchina371 reviews
Notes, IMs, letters, and emails by Bella and other Twilight characters. Takes place after BD. Characters sometimes OOC. Sillyness predominates. Rated T for sexual innuendoes and potty language.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 101 - Words: 45,861 - Reviews: 1521 - Favs: 196 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 12/7/2009 - Published: 8/31/2008
50 Things To Do When You're Bored Vampire Style by Lost in Believing reviews
50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Cullen Style. Except now Bella is one of them. Sometimes other people are bought into the insaness. You never know what they are up to now...Since nothing is holding them back now. Chapter 6: Canoeing Pumpkin Style
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,037 - Reviews: 287 - Favs: 156 - Follows: 151 - Updated: 11/28/2009 - Published: 4/6/2009
random conversations by edwardlover125 reviews
this story is about the twilight character, just doing and talking about random things. please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 1,231 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/21/2009 - Published: 2/9/2009
Phone Calls by Rock'n'Slash reviews
8 yr. after BD. Just random hiliarious phone calls between Edward&Jacob, Bella&Nessie, and Emmett&Jasper. Included: u-arent-good-enough-4-my-daughter-ness, all-men-are-idiots-ness, & lets-reek-havic-on-the-poor-pathetic-humans-ness. Some lauguage.MWHAHA!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 71 - Words: 36,725 - Reviews: 1866 - Favs: 537 - Follows: 301 - Updated: 11/14/2009 - Published: 9/15/2008
A Cullen Moment by Wolf Babies reviews
This is a collection of completely random moments in time during the everlasting lives of the Cullen family.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 102 - Words: 84,587 - Reviews: 1803 - Favs: 291 - Follows: 134 - Updated: 10/31/2009 - Published: 6/14/2008 - Third Wife, Joshua U. - Complete
Bringing April Early by klutzygirl34 reviews
Bella is sick of Emmett and Jasper always pranking her, so she with the help of Rosalie, Esme and Alice, she will bring April Fool's Day early this year.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 4,449 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 10/23/2009 - Published: 12/29/2008 - Bella
Note Passing : Cullen Style by cullen twins reviews
Randomness Galore! ooc and tad bit au! have fun. A few ideas taken from the story Pens and Sharpies. safely rated M just in case.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 2,832 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 9/30/2009 - Published: 8/14/2008
Isle Esme II by 2carm2carm2 reviews
What will happen when all the Cullens go on vacation to Isle Esme. What happens when the girls and boys get in a fight. How many bad jokes can Emmett make? How much bonding time can Edward take until he cracks? Set after Breaking Dawn. In Alice POV, R&R!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 33 - Words: 58,634 - Reviews: 673 - Favs: 301 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 9/19/2009 - Published: 1/17/2009 - Alice, Emmett - Complete
Vampire Chat Room by Duck Life reviews
i know I'm probably the millionth person to do this, but it looked like fun! All conversations are original, if the idea is not. Please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 2,170 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 7/9/2009 - Published: 10/17/2008 - Bella, Edward
Emmett's Birthday by LOSHLOVERXOXO reviews
It is Emmett's birthday and Bella doesn't know what to get him. So she gives him her. She is his servant for 24 hours. Nothihng can go wrong right. Cullens are vamps
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 12,603 - Reviews: 251 - Favs: 115 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 7/6/2009 - Published: 11/21/2008
Alice and Jasper's Untold Tales by newcomer77 reviews
The silent one, the perky one. Alice and Jasper. Together they have led a life of endless romance, but there is more than just that. One-shot stories containing humor, irony, passion, comfort, turmoil, and happiness.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 68,191 - Reviews: 547 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 7/5/2009 - Published: 3/28/2009 - Alice, Jasper
Emmett's Mistake by MangoTango450 reviews
The first time she sits with Edward at lunch, things go differently from there.She accidently "finds out" about them from Emmett!You wont believe the idiocy is that a word? of Emmett in my story! Caution:may cause uncontrollable laughter!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 23,125 - Reviews: 304 - Favs: 160 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 5/12/2009 - Published: 2/9/2009 - Emmett, Bella
Emmett And Jaspers Toilet Queries by Twilightfan1296 reviews
What are those little blue bricks for?...
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 907 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 4/27/2009 - Published: 1/28/2009 - Emmett, Jasper
Uncle Jasper by Pinkiecandle reviews
Renesmee is getting bullied, Jasper can help. Normal Pairings. First Fanfic.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,148 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 11 - Published: 4/27/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jasper - Complete
Angela's a WITCH? by kayla3194 reviews
What if Angela really had turned out to be a witch? What if Alice had thought that Bella had actually meant a party?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,378 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 4/26/2009 - Published: 1/12/2009
The odd adventures of the Cullens and co by Preselier reviews
A brief collection of humor stories from the Twilight series.Want to hear about Emmett making fairy cakes? It's yours! What would happen if Alice had detention? Read on and find out! And did you order Rosalies confesion poem? No? Well it's yours anyway!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,511 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 4/26/2009 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Alice, Emmett
Truth Or Dare at the Cullen's house by gunzehx reviews
Basically as the title says. Crazy dares and nervous sweating truths to be found!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 5,639 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 4/17/2009 - Published: 4/11/2009 - Bella, Edward
Twilight: IPod Shuffle Challenge by Completely Dipendente reviews
5 Songs. 5 Short Stories. Read inside for all the gory deatils lol.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,177 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/15/2009 - Complete
Christmas Presents for the Cullens by SethCohenRocks-2009 reviews
does what it says on the tin
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,568 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 4/14/2009 - Published: 2/18/2009
50 Things To Do When You're Bored by Lost in Believing reviews
50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Cullen Style. You never know what could happen in the Cullen Household. Hilarity ensured for some chapters. Sometimes other people are brought into the craziness...All 50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Now Complete!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 52 - Words: 76,434 - Reviews: 3212 - Favs: 948 - Follows: 429 - Updated: 4/13/2009 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Complete
PsychIpath by Kari Twilight Mist reviews
After watching an entertainment news show Alice talks to Edward about couple names in the family and decides they need to have one for their close sibling bond. CANON PAIRINGS! One-Shot!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 748 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Edward, Alice - Complete
She Is Brighter by Lucy Maria Elmer reviews
Bella gets some insight into the love that Jasper has for his beautiful little pixie Alice.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,254 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Heartsick by Lucy Maria Elmer reviews
After Renesmees birth Alice and Jasper have to confront some difficult emotions of their own.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,569 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/11/2009 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
VampireAnimals by rosaliewannabe929 reviews
what happens if the Cullens dont suck all the blood out of the animals! vampire-animal zoos involved! please read! alice point of view!from the writer of my beginning and end! read!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 436 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/4/2009 - Alice, Emmett
Baseball by LOSHLOVERXOXO reviews
Emmett takes his jokes to far and Bella takes her anger out on baseball some siggestive scenes but no lemons review
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 878 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/3/2009 - Complete
Chuck Berry and Charlie Swan by TrueImmortality reviews
Edward and Alice are waiting for Bella to come home from grocery shopping, and start to rock out to oldies. But they get a little carried away...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,963 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 4 - Published: 3/28/2009 - Alice, Edward - Complete
Did you notice? by bloody.bite reviews
A list of things in Twilight that you might not have caught book movie . Rated T because I never really did understand the ratings thingy and because of paranoia.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 3,241 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 3/27/2009 - Published: 12/29/2008
Reading With Nessie by bemj11 reviews
Jasper has avoided Nessie since she was born, terrified that he might cause her harm. When she is unexpectedly dropped into his lap, he finds himself struggling with more than just keeping her entertained. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,431 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Jasper, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
A Good Southern Gentleman by SunnySkies4Life reviews
Jasper takes Alice out somewhere special for the day. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,311 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/27/2009 - Published: 1/24/2009 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Game night with the cullens by rachelcullen1037 reviews
Carlisle and esme go hunting so what does alice do? Have a party! bella embarks on a journey with edward and the rest of the gang. Includes spin the bottle truth or dare twister etc.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,020 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 3/23/2009 - Published: 3/10/2009 - Edward, Bella
Why The Cullens Can't Babysit by Duck Life reviews
Stories about how each of the Cullens babysit Bella while Edward hunts. Please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 1,473 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 3/23/2009 - Published: 11/24/2008 - Bella - Complete
The Cullens On MSN by Love Is Courage Baby reviews
The Cullens and Bella have a random conversation on MSN! xD please read and review!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,647 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 3/10/2009 - Published: 2/14/2009 - Edward, Alice - Complete
Emotions by juliette729 reviews
Jasper's view point the night after Edward and Bella returned home from their honeymoon. Continuation from another I did from Esme's point of view.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,961 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/27/2009 - Jasper, Alice - Complete
JACOB'S FLAWS by LOSHLOVERXOXO reviews
THIS IS A STROY TO MAKE FUN OF JACOB. IF YOU LIKE JACOB THEN LIVE WITH IT.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,664 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 2/21/2009 - Published: 11/6/2008
His Eye is On the Sparrow by Kari Twilight Mist reviews
While hunting, Emmett finds a baby bird and rescues it by putting it back in its nest. What does Carlisle think when he sees him do it? Emmett's POV Chapter 1 Carlisle's POV Chapter 2
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,026 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 6 - Published: 2/21/2009 - Emmett, Carlisle - Complete
Bella's Problem by LOSHLOVERXOXO reviews
One-Shot Bella has a problem and Alice is the only one who can fix it! review
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 870 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/18/2009 - Complete
Uncle Emmett by life takes time reviews
Nessie and Emmett make valentines for the family. This just pointless fluff, not the best I've ever done but it's cute
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,079 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/14/2009 - Emmett, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Emmett's Diary by Im-that-one-chick reviews
A diary written by one of our favorite vegitarian vampires. Cannon pairings- E/B, Em/R, J/A, and C/Es
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 15 - Words: 4,570 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 2/6/2009 - Published: 1/23/2009 - Emmett, Rosalie - Complete
Puppet Show by OverlyObbsessedAboutTwilight reviews
Emmett steals the girl's dresses. But why? Alice's Point if View
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 752 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/3/2009 - Alice, Emmett - Complete
It's Like by patch138 reviews
The Cullens play a little game until the rest of the family gets home.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 948 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 1/31/2009 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Bella - Complete
The Cullen's Without by Twilightfan1296 reviews
the cullen's thoughts if one of they're own died. but it's funny r/r please! and trust me I know how stupid this story is...:P
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,234 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/31/2009
Funny Talking Emmett by OverlyObbsessedAboutTwilight reviews
Bella wonders why Emmett is talking like that. Pure Fluff.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 139 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Bella, Emmett - Complete
Gummy Bear Song by OverlyObbsessedAboutTwilight reviews
Emmett gets a new favorite song. How will Edward like it?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 573 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/25/2009 - Edward, Emmett - Complete
Spanish Class by OverlyObbsessedAboutTwilight reviews
Laruen tries to get Bella in trouble but her plan back fires. JUST READ. Bella,Edward,Alice. One-shot.Meyers not mine.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 326 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/20/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Uncle Jazzy by NessieCullen9 reviews
Jasper's POV. Post-Breaking Dawn. A sweet little moment between Jasper and his niece, Nessie. Bella and Alice also featured. Please leave a review!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,632 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 15 - Published: 1/19/2009 - [Jasper, Alice] Renesmee C./Nessie, Bella - Complete
Banned From Walmart by OverlyObbsessedAboutTwilight reviews
Emmett gets Bella and Edward banned from Wal-mart. He also admitts an embarissing secret. my first fanfic! E B Em. Meyers not mine!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 494 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/18/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
In Color by VampirePirateNinjaSquirrel reviews
Oneshot. Jasper is looking through an old trunk of his and Renesmee walking in. Story to Jamey Johnson's song "In Color". Read and Review!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,210 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/14/2009 - Jasper, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
The Game of Life by VampirePirateNinjaSquirrel reviews
What happens when a hundred year old vampire plays The Game of Life? What happens if that vampire is Emmett? Pre Breaking Dawn. Read and find out. COMPLETE! R&R.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,020 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 1/5/2009 - Published: 12/21/2008 - Emmett - Complete
Butterflies by SamanthaSavvy reviews
This is kind of the start of a role playing thingy my friend and I made up earlier. Between Alice and Renesmee. Totallyyyyy not finished yet. And pretty short. But not finished lol. Alice/Nessie Ficcy thinggg. .
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 516 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/28/2008 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Alice
Untold Moments Jalice by SacreJambons reviews
My favorite couple in the Twilight series is jasper and alice, so i elaborated on some untold moments in their relationship. Enjoy! : Rated T for safety.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 12,102 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 12/21/2008 - Published: 9/9/2008 - Alice, Jasper
Misadventure by life takes time reviews
Sequel to Mischevious, although you don't need to read it to understand. Alice and Jasper are babysitting Renesemee when they come across someone from the past, who is set on ruining the future. Chapter four is up! Read and Review!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,190 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 12/7/2008 - Published: 11/17/2008 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Atlantis by Becca962 reviews
Emmett decides he wants to go underwater exploring. He takes his family with him. Anything can happpen. Will Emmett find Atlantis? And what truly is a fruitcake? Rated T just in case :D R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,129 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/23/2008 - Published: 11/1/2008 - Emmett - Complete
Funny Way to Start an Eternity by Kari Twilight Mist reviews
Edwards POV when he first wakes up from turning and talks to Carlisle... and how they both discover his power One-Shot
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 723 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/21/2008 - Edward, Carlisle - Complete
The Crazy Adventures of Jasper and Emmett at Night by madeinchina371 reviews
Exactly like the title. Written with lots of details, this story would be a great way to pass a few minutes you would otherwise spend being bored. Like Jasper and Emmett are. Which is why they go on these adventures. Enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,766 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 11/3/2008 - Published: 10/14/2008
Cullen Castaway by Becca962 reviews
Jasper buys a jet. Emmett wants to fly it. What happens when Emmett gets a strange idea and Alice can't stop him? Rated K . :D
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,177 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/29/2008 - Emmett, Jasper - Complete
Mischievous by life takes time reviews
Alice and Jasper fluff! Alice and Jasper play in the woods! Better then it sounds... I think. Read and Review. My first attempt at fluff!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,165 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 7 - Published: 10/25/2008 - Alice, Jasper
Ways to Annoy the Twilight Characters by LOSHLOVERXOXO reviews
Includes Alice, JAser, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, Bella, and jacob
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 1,824 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10/25/2008 - Complete
Pranking Emmett by LOSHLOVERXOXO reviews
The Cullen Clan gets back at Emmett for pranking them comtinuous times before
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,281 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 12 - Published: 10/8/2008 - Complete
Emmett's new job by ashes and bliss reviews
Emmett get's grounded after spending so much money on peices of junk...One-shot comedy! Really funny!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 608 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/18/2008 - Bella, Emmett - Complete
The Girl Who Cried Lipitorious by moosie49 reviews
Renesmee makes up a word that has everyone confuzzled and she gives each person a new meaning to the word.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 620 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 8 - Published: 8/21/2008 - Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
From One Dog To Another by moosie49 reviews
Embry hates dogs, so what happens when Jacob leaves a puppy tied to his porch?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 936 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Embry, Jacob - Complete
Goodbye Mike by VampGrlz271 reviews
Mike attempts to get Bella away from Edward using beyond stupid and corny pick-up lines. Of course, it doesn't work. But why not read this anyway? :D
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,175 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 20 - Published: 8/13/2008 - Complete
How to get kicked out of WalMart by lanna-misssunshine reviews
Bella and the Cullen's playing dares in WalMart, oh such fun... how much will they get away with before being tossed out? Read my notes story aswell, Ch61 is how this story started R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 11,218 - Reviews: 757 - Favs: 389 - Follows: 324 - Updated: 4/28/2008 - Published: 12/31/2007
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The fangirl's reviews
the cullen's r doind noning today and then there waz a knock the door who is it and will the cullens like them?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 733 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/22/2009 - Alice, Edward
Alice fixs everything reviews
Ok so the cullen house has gone wild or mybe its ,emmett being emmett
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,466 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/17/2009 - Published: 2/26/2009 - Alice, Jasper