Author has written 11 stories for Doctor Who, Merlin, and Hetalia - Axis Powers.
OTP = Merthur(MerlinxArthur)
Although I read anything :D
In the middle of the journey of life
I was in a dark wood
For I had lost the true path
And so we came fort
And once again beheld the stars
(Fred Daly - Parked)
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life."
"Just because you're smiling, doesn't mean you're happy."
"Everyone has a right to be stupid- some people just abuse the privelage."
"There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it."
"I don’t suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it."
"If you can keep your head when all those about you are loosing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation."
"The horns are there to hold up my halo."
"Of course I’m out of my mind...it's dark and scary in there!"
"Curiosity killed whoever got in my way."
"The best advice I can give you is to ignore advice. Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others."
"When life gives you lemons, make orange juice with them, and let the rest of the world wonder how the hell you did it."
"When life gives you lemons squirt them in lifes eye. See how much life likes lemons then."
"Before you insult someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you do insult them you are a mile away and you have their shoes."
"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much."
"Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge."
"People are like slinkies, uselesss til, you push them down a flight of stairs, then they bring a smile to your face."
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
"Never knock on death's door. Ring the door bell and run like heck. He hates it."
They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
"Some say the glass is half full. Some say it's half empty. All I want to know is who's been drinking my water!"
"You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
"Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not."
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: 'Directions: Use like regular soap.' (and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: 'serving suggestion: defrost' (but its only a suggestion.)
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom): 'Do not turn upside down' (well...duh, a bit late, huh?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: 'Product will be hot after heating.' (...and you thought??)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: 'Do not iron clothes on body.' (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.' (we could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: 'warning: may cause drowsiness.' (and...I'm taking this because??...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: 'For indoor or outdoor use only.' (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: 'Not to be used for the other use.' (Now, somebody out there help me out on this one. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury peanuts:'Warning: contains nuts.' (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines pack of nuts: 'Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.' (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.' (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
Spotted in a toilet of a London office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING—BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
Spotted in a Safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN CAR.
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE CENTER ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR—THE BELL DOESN’T WORK.)
1.Two soviet ships collide-one dies
2.Mine workers refuse to work after death
3.Hospitals sued by 7 foot doctors
4.Local children wins gun from fundraiser
5.(the best one...) Hurricane hits cemetery-hundreds dead.
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