slapmeonthepatio
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Joined 02-05-09, id: 1829117, Profile Updated: 11-06-09

Aussie hormonal and cynical 30-something. I write non-fiction and leave the creative stuff to other people as they do it so much better than I ever could. Obsessed with Twi-fic to the point of being unreasonable.

I read some fics like Deconstructing Dracula, Irritable Grizzly Adams, and new fave, Alton Manor for their insightful explorations of Twilight's (and contemporary/historical) gender politics. Some fics are great 'correctives' to the things I find problematic in the original, whether it be making characters act and react to situations in more psychologically realistic ways (Miss My Lion), or posing a rational and hot solution to the problem of Edward's sexual/blood lust (The List).

Others I read for their ridiculous loopy but clever humour, such as The Screamers and How to Seduce your Hot Vampire Boyfriend in Ten Days, and others for their utterly breath-taking hallucinatory writing, such as The Blessing and the Curse. I also love stories by reliable authors who update regularly and produce consistent quality pulp, such as Bratty Vamp.

And of course I read the usual AH faves The Office, Wide Awake, Clipped Wings and Inked Armor. Darkward, Geekward, tatt-ward, fuckward, BB - I love them all. Bella however, needs to be either canon or canon-but-smarter/ballsier. I hate a whimpering weak Bella unless there's a damn good motivator. CW&IA has a pretty good motivator.

To all the terrific writers out there: thanks for sharing your creativity and insights with us and for all the great lemons that have revived sex lives all over the planet (I suspect).

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An Introduction to Swirl and Daisy by m81170 reviews
A first kiss, a first dance, a first curse word shared between best friends. This is the tale of a boring, young geek and the social pariah who thought the world of him. A tale of growing up. A tale of a Non-Romantic Romance.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 39 - Words: 212,915 - Reviews: 14717 - Favs: 7,311 - Follows: 7,049 - Updated: 1/4 - Published: 1/4/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Expectations and Other Moving Pieces by chrometurtle reviews
Everything I had done in my life seemed to lead up to this moment. The moment when I found myself bound inextricably to a man I didn’t love, trapped in a life I didn’t want. And if I left him, I would be entirely alone.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 46 - Words: 227,237 - Reviews: 15025 - Favs: 8,620 - Follows: 9,056 - Updated: 11/11/2013 - Published: 10/13/2009 - Bella, Edward
Creature of Habit by EZRocksAngel reviews
Bella begins working for the elusive and distant Edward Cullen who she discovers is hiding behind an elaborate charade to maintain his secret lifestyle. Bella is determined to find out the mysteries of Edward Cullen but with what results? AU, OOC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 33 - Words: 189,751 - Reviews: 14468 - Favs: 11,729 - Follows: 5,428 - Updated: 5/16/2013 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
There Will Be Blood by LaraWinner reviews
On Hiatus. AU, smut, vamp/human sex and violence. A dark and graphic ExB tale loosely following the plot of Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 47,419 - Reviews: 1001 - Favs: 1,293 - Follows: 1,470 - Updated: 2/12/2013 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Bella, Edward
A Madman's Mercy by Amethyst Jackson reviews
New Moon AU - After leaving Bella, Edward gradually loses control of his ability. When he is led to believe that she is dead, Edward cracks, leaving Bella as the only one who can pick up the pieces. Co-written with Jacyevans.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 14 - Words: 55,639 - Reviews: 2691 - Favs: 2,511 - Follows: 2,767 - Updated: 12/13/2012 - Published: 4/9/2009 - Bella, Edward
Defrosting Edward by Aleeab4u reviews
Bella's been trying to warm Edward up in more ways than one. With a little help from Alice, a broken truck and a few burned fingers, she just might have found his defrost button. Rated M with canon characters, based on "practice makes perfect." E/B AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 162,326 - Reviews: 1562 - Favs: 1,386 - Follows: 1,115 - Updated: 10/9/2012 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Edward, Bella
Breaking Trinity by VvDeadRosesvV reviews
AH/AU ExB Lemon. Mid-Semester, Senior Year. Bella is escaping Arizona and starting over in Washington. An unexpected hook-up at a party in Port Angeles turns into obsession. What happens when desire becomes too much to control? Rated S for Snarling.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 184,871 - Reviews: 6672 - Favs: 4,957 - Follows: 4,833 - Updated: 8/23/2012 - Published: 9/15/2009 - Edward, Bella
This Buried Life by Emmanuelle Nathan reviews
Bella Swan is content with her career and her new life in London but feels that there is still something missing. Will a chance encounter with sinister yet intriguing stranger hold the answer to what she truly desires? AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 73,708 - Reviews: 2199 - Favs: 2,110 - Follows: 2,657 - Updated: 7/16/2012 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Bella
The Dark Dance of Temptation by stupid shiny volvo driver reviews
Nominated July 2008 for BEST POV at The Twilight Awards site. AU. Edward challenges his willpower in more ways than one as he and Bella move closer and closer to a wedding that may never be. Edward's POV of 'Becoming Whole'.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 24 - Words: 151,510 - Reviews: 808 - Favs: 1,303 - Follows: 473 - Updated: 6/8/2012 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Complete
An Abridged Account by alchemilla mollis reviews
An Abridged Account of the Intimate History of Edward Cullen, as told to Bella Swan. Edward recounts a somewhat disastrous history of encounters with women through the 20th century, as Bella becomes more and more impatient to have an encounter of their own.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 145,536 - Reviews: 2025 - Favs: 1,194 - Follows: 1,173 - Updated: 6/4/2012 - Published: 6/24/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Woods are Lovely, Dark, and Deep by bananapancakes7 reviews
Bella visits a quiet lodge in Forks and she meets the secretive, tormented Edward Masen. Just as their relationship transcends friendship, Edward's past comes back to haunt him in the most brutal way. B&E are human, but oh…there will be vampires. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 289,657 - Reviews: 5393 - Favs: 3,640 - Follows: 3,372 - Updated: 5/21/2012 - Published: 4/15/2009 - Bella, Edward
Bonne Foi by Amethyst Jackson reviews
AU. Edward Masen was changed in 1918 and abandoned by his sire. He feeds on human blood, unaware of any other way…until he stumbles across college freshman Bella Swan for a night that will change everything.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 169,901 - Reviews: 14547 - Favs: 10,442 - Follows: 7,855 - Updated: 5/8/2012 - Published: 11/6/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Grasping Darkness by KiyaRaven reviews
She dreams of darkness. Lust. Passion. The man she fantasizes about has it all, especially the darkness. The problem is, he's not really a man. Rated M for language & dark themes.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 267,922 - Reviews: 8297 - Favs: 5,667 - Follows: 4,206 - Updated: 4/13/2012 - Published: 10/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Fallout by OCDindeed reviews
March 16/06 the world the Cullens knew ended. Faith, hope & love are powerful things. Edward finds out how powerful they are when he loses the one person who made his life worth living. Not just an E/B story. Entire Cullen clan is here, each with their own hardships. Set during a post-apocalyptic nuclear war. Try the Prologue before passing judgment. You might be surprised! NM/AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 325,178 - Reviews: 6602 - Favs: 4,276 - Follows: 3,173 - Updated: 3/24/2012 - Published: 3/24/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Late Night Encounters by kyla713 reviews
Lonely ER doc Edward Cullen goes online one night in curiosity, never expecting to find what was awaiting him. AH/possibly some OOC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 142,693 - Reviews: 9475 - Favs: 8,494 - Follows: 6,207 - Updated: 12/24/2011 - Published: 7/27/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Brotherly Devotion by goldentemptress reviews
When you play with fire you're gonna get burned. Bella's marriage has gone stale, and she soon finds herself tied up in a web of deceit involving her young brother-in-law Edward. Adultery is just as complicated as it seems...BPOV, Rated M
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 19 - Words: 177,988 - Reviews: 4459 - Favs: 4,271 - Follows: 4,548 - Updated: 12/24/2011 - Published: 5/18/2009 - Bella, Edward
Resident Geek by cdunbar reviews
Geeky Edward thinks he has absolutely no shot with the popular, beautiful Bella. Is he right, or will she be one of the many girls who thinks geeks make for better lovers? M for language, sexuality, and some underage drinking. A little OOC...ok, a lot OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 95,911 - Reviews: 5447 - Favs: 6,499 - Follows: 5,190 - Updated: 12/13/2011 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Bright Like the Sun by dryler reviews
Edward/Bella - WIP, AU, AH, OOC. When Bella goes to live with her father in Forks, things go much better than she expected. At least until a slick parking lot, a careening van, a broken arm, and her weird lab partner from biology get in the way...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 113,874 - Reviews: 3632 - Favs: 4,405 - Follows: 4,535 - Updated: 12/10/2011 - Published: 1/23/2009 - Edward, Bella
The Vampire in the Basement by michellephants reviews
While hunting one afternoon, the boys stumble upon what appears to be a corpse. When they learn it's a severely broken vampire, they take him home to do what they can to help. But of course, fate has plans for this man. Canon Couples. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 164,189 - Reviews: 11458 - Favs: 8,997 - Follows: 6,574 - Updated: 10/30/2011 - Published: 2/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
On the Double by MasenVixen reviews
It's Bella's first day on the job as a body double in the new Edward Masen film. First up? The sex scene...O/S for the Haiti Compilation. Rated M for lemons. AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 15,631 - Reviews: 1192 - Favs: 4,172 - Follows: 1,235 - Updated: 5/30/2011 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Getting Warmer by eiluned price reviews
After their honeymoon on Isle Esme, Bella gets to spend more time being human with Edward as they travel cross-country to New Hampshire and beyond, and learn about art, love and temperature differentials. AU. BxE. Newlyweds being newlyweds, so lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 17 - Words: 165,751 - Reviews: 755 - Favs: 1,067 - Follows: 653 - Updated: 5/15/2011 - Published: 11/8/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Our Lives Unbound by theladyingrey42 reviews
My mind is trapped in circles, my loneliness pressing in. Unable to speak, I reach for her spark. In her eyes, I find my partner. In her command, I find my freedom. Together, we open our lives to something more. AU/AH, D/s, male sub.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 159,844 - Reviews: 6365 - Favs: 2,859 - Follows: 1,863 - Updated: 5/5/2011 - Published: 6/12/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Cannabean Betrothal by ItzMegan73 reviews
Edward has immersed himself in the Cannabean way to ward off the hurt of a life-changing experience; but an unexpected betrothal teaches him how little he knows about life. There is no abuse in this story.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 231,548 - Reviews: 14404 - Favs: 7,349 - Follows: 5,298 - Updated: 4/23/2011 - Published: 9/5/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
RPGs by Twilightzoner reviews
The continuation of Midnight Desire and ExB's, er, growth and explorations. The monster comes along on the journey, too! Mature Audiences Only.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 23,513 - Reviews: 501 - Favs: 944 - Follows: 1,119 - Updated: 1/30/2011 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Edward, Bella
Stranger Than Fiction by MasenVixen reviews
Six years after Edward left, Bella's written a bestselling book about a girl and the vampire who loves her. Edward returns to her, hell-bent on recapturing the happily ever after that he destroyed. AU. Rated M for lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 140,407 - Reviews: 8809 - Favs: 7,339 - Follows: 4,858 - Updated: 1/23/2011 - Published: 1/2/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Monster and I by beautifulyes reviews
A darker romance. Searching for balance and trust, Edward and Bella negotiate a tangled web of sex, blood, secrets, kink, and demons from the past. NOT CANON-STYLE VAMPIRES. Very, very AU. Much lemons, violence, and dark and dominant Edward.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 16 - Words: 52,989 - Reviews: 1073 - Favs: 1,407 - Follows: 1,035 - Updated: 1/19/2011 - Published: 5/17/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Irritable Grizzly Adams by caligula42 reviews
New Moon AU. Edward did more than just leave Bella in the woods five years ago. Time goes on as Bella struggles to make a new life without him. What happens when they are accidentally reunited? What was the real lie that Edward told? What will Bella do?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 121,710 - Reviews: 4974 - Favs: 3,530 - Follows: 3,152 - Updated: 12/27/2010 - Published: 9/16/2008 - Bella, Edward
Bloodlust by kalejay reviews
A teenage boy stumbles onto Edward's eradication of Victoria, witnessing more than a human should know. Jane forces Edward to kill the boy, and in doing so, his desire for human blood is awakened and becomes nearly impossible to control. COMPLETE.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 64,062 - Reviews: 446 - Favs: 277 - Follows: 261 - Updated: 12/19/2010 - Published: 1/17/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Art School Confidential by farkle reviews
Bella finds her artistic muse and total embarrassment in person of life model Edward. How can she get him to model for her when he thinks she is a sex-crazed flake? AU-AH, M for nudity, language, lemons. Canon pairings.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 24 - Words: 139,995 - Reviews: 4227 - Favs: 4,112 - Follows: 4,664 - Updated: 11/25/2010 - Published: 7/11/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Confidence Man by OhMyWord reviews
"The target is Isabella Swan, fellow graduate student. Came into a fortune when her mother died, she doesn't seem to care to do anything with it. Quiet, shy, just waiting for The One. I'll be everything she wants me to be."
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 29 - Words: 94,558 - Reviews: 2630 - Favs: 2,608 - Follows: 1,651 - Updated: 11/16/2010 - Published: 3/28/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Family Business by SuzsPetals reviews
Edward Cullen met the girl of his dreams but pushed her away due to his complicated, dangerous family life. When cruel irony reunites them, he's forced to make a devastating choice: Save her from a fate worse than death or from the family business. AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 152,068 - Reviews: 1227 - Favs: 1,203 - Follows: 609 - Updated: 11/4/2010 - Published: 2/6/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Tips for Better Living by adorablecullens reviews
Edward is a self-centered college drop-out, waiting on tables and living an empty life. Redemeption arrives in the guise of a quirky customer who offers him some much-needed advice for happiness. Does Edward have the character to rise to the challenge?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 52,342 - Reviews: 3230 - Favs: 2,804 - Follows: 1,881 - Updated: 10/28/2010 - Published: 3/4/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
I Don't Believe in Vampires by lazykate reviews
"It was always you..." During a chance return to Forks, Bella Swan runs into her high school crush, only to discover that things were never as they appeared. What has Edward been waiting for all this time? A very-canon twist on Twilight, AU, ExB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 215,322 - Reviews: 2261 - Favs: 2,420 - Follows: 1,234 - Updated: 9/19/2010 - Published: 10/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Blessing and the Curse by The Black Arrow reviews
By pretending she is falling for Edward, Bella is fulfilling Esme's dying wish. But sexy, possessive Edward can read her mind. Will she ever get into his? Can Bella forget the pain of her teenage years, and can she resist his relentless seduction? AH.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 140,448 - Reviews: 14198 - Favs: 15,137 - Follows: 8,253 - Updated: 9/10/2010 - Published: 5/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Litany at Dusk by duskwatcher2153 reviews
Edward's been a solitary vampire, hunting on the edges of society. He rejoins his family in Forks, ready to abstain and runs across a young woman praying. A choice must be made between one's heart, one's desires and one's soul. Darkward ExB AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 34 - Words: 134,694 - Reviews: 5322 - Favs: 2,821 - Follows: 1,376 - Updated: 8/21/2010 - Published: 8/18/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Open Door Policy by teacupsNmints reviews
High School sweethearts Bella and Emmett are married and content. Emmett's brother Edward comes to visit. He's not the misfit Bella remembers from High School. Entry written for "Forbidden Love Affair" A Contest of Hidden Desires AH / BxE Mature Complete
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 35,663 - Reviews: 608 - Favs: 553 - Follows: 510 - Updated: 8/11/2010 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Company Loves Misery by AngstGoddess003 reviews
AH-Edward, current recovering alcoholic, former bully of Bella Swan, must make amends to the one person who refuses to give them. Written for FGB Auction/WA Rehab. Adult Situations. Updated Wed/Sun.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 13 - Words: 76,843 - Reviews: 6186 - Favs: 5,333 - Follows: 5,360 - Updated: 7/12/2010 - Published: 12/12/2009 - Edward, Bella
Seducing Ms Swan by DQRC reviews
AU Post-NM. Teacher!Bella, Student!Edward; a struggle of wills, an attempt at seduction, a dark secret, a dash of UST, a gallon of attitude, antagonistic motorcycling, a hell of a lot of angst and one unforgettable scene in a snow storm.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 22 - Words: 132,610 - Reviews: 5843 - Favs: 6,113 - Follows: 4,831 - Updated: 7/12/2010 - Published: 7/26/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
I Wanna Eff You Like a Masochistic Lion by Feisty Y. Beden reviews
I Wanna Eff You Like a Masochistic Lion B/c of Your Pools of Brown Diarrhea Eyes: The Worst Story Ever Told. Collab btwn Philadelphic, Feisty Y. Beden, & NelsonsMandela. M for mmmwrong. Welcome to the Sequel, Chilly's Song.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 24,947 - Reviews: 520 - Favs: 544 - Follows: 185 - Updated: 7/6/2010 - Published: 12/30/2009
Midnight Desire by Twilightzoner reviews
An All Human parody of Midnight Sun. AH, AU and consequently OOC. No blood lust - just uncontrollable human lust. Smut filled fun . . .
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 89,654 - Reviews: 5348 - Favs: 6,849 - Follows: 3,315 - Updated: 7/1/2010 - Published: 7/13/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Human Nature by MadamePlume reviews
Nominated in The Moonlight Awards for Best All-Human. The Cullen family stumble across a naked and bloodied young woman in the forest. She has no apparent memory, cannot communicate, and seems to be completely primal. Who is the girl they now call Bella?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 26 - Words: 105,534 - Reviews: 668 - Favs: 359 - Follows: 385 - Updated: 6/23/2010 - Published: 7/21/2009
The Screamers by KiyaRaven reviews
Street kid. Rockstar. Worlds apart and yet so similar. Sometimes fate throws people together for a reason, and sometimes two people that rub each other the wrong way make the best sparks. All Human **WARNING: MOSTLY HUMOR BUT ALSO CONTAINS ANGST & DARK THEMES**
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 358,773 - Reviews: 12460 - Favs: 7,021 - Follows: 3,443 - Updated: 6/2/2010 - Published: 5/23/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Naughty Secrets by A Little Distracted reviews
Bella is a school librarian leading a naughty secret life. Edward is a history teacher with a naughty obsession. If he could only see what is right in front of his face... AU/AH - Rated M for Hot LEMONS! Each chapter alternates POV's
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 146,129 - Reviews: 2320 - Favs: 2,085 - Follows: 1,364 - Updated: 4/12/2010 - Published: 11/16/2009 - Bella, Edward
Waiting Always Waiting by jennlynnfs reviews
Bella's home from college for the summer. Her step brother Seth and his friends hang out at their house. Bella is reluctant to take part in their high school antics, but discover it's not so bad especially with Edward Cullen around.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,379 - Reviews: 242 - Favs: 796 - Follows: 200 - Published: 4/11/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Price of Balance by averysubtlegift reviews
Bella is a girl with a tragic past.The mysterious Edward sweeps in and seems to be balancing out some of the bad in her life.But can love really heal wounds,and what is the real price of balance?Will they be able to pay it?AU - Edward is not human or vamp
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 72,809 - Reviews: 1000 - Favs: 754 - Follows: 447 - Updated: 4/11/2010 - Published: 1/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Only Human by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Complete. A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward. This story is baby-free.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 60,635 - Reviews: 5911 - Favs: 9,632 - Follows: 2,463 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Blood and Lust by AwesomeSauce76 reviews
Edward is having trouble balancing his urges for Bella's blood and Bella's body before the wedding. What started out as a simple "Practice Fic" has become a retelling of BD from EPOV that lets us see just how much he struggles for control at every turn.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 133,650 - Reviews: 1778 - Favs: 1,694 - Follows: 679 - Updated: 3/31/2010 - Published: 4/8/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Fault by ineedyoursway reviews
An awful event in junior high leaves Bella adrift and alone. Years later, she begins to recover with the help of both a repentant Edward and her new friend, James. Things begin to look up, but is everything as it seems? AH/DARK
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 31 - Words: 73,294 - Reviews: 3351 - Favs: 2,252 - Follows: 1,584 - Updated: 3/20/2010 - Published: 10/8/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The List by LauraACullen reviews
Four weeks before her wedding to Edward, Bella is frustrated. She knows there's little-to-no chance of getting him to bend his rules and boundaries now, but there's no harm in fantasizing about what could happen later. So she begins compiling a list...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 28 - Words: 195,361 - Reviews: 2895 - Favs: 5,133 - Follows: 1,869 - Updated: 3/18/2010 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
So Be It by SophiaAnne reviews
Happy Harry is here again, live and streaming right into where you live. Are you ready for me?” Will Bella Swan find out who's behind the sexy voice that has her all hot and bothered? BxE - AU/AH, OOC, Lemons and Language. Now revised and expanded.
Crossover - Pump Up The Volume & Twilight - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 21,484 - Reviews: 544 - Favs: 936 - Follows: 409 - Updated: 3/3/2010 - Published: 2/5/2009 - Bella - Complete
Daedalus in Exile by EZRocksAngel reviews
After leaving Forks, Edward follows a path of weakness and isolation while eventually seeking redemption from the only person who can absolve him. Alternate Universe, B/E
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 21 - Words: 86,525 - Reviews: 4744 - Favs: 2,315 - Follows: 1,308 - Updated: 2/15/2010 - Published: 9/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Angel Is A Centerfold by SophiaAnne reviews
Edward's homeroom angel has been fueling his spank bank for years. What happens when he finds out he's got to share her with the rest of the world?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 17,636 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 326 - Follows: 156 - Updated: 2/10/2010 - Published: 1/13/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Burn and Shine by pulsepoint reviews
At first glance felonious Edward seems like nothing but trouble, but as sheltered college student Bella digs deeper she realizes he is so much more. Possibly too much for her to handle. ExB, AH, rated M for dark/adult themes and profanity
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 115,176 - Reviews: 2100 - Favs: 2,639 - Follows: 2,840 - Updated: 1/25/2010 - Published: 8/31/2009 - Bella, Edward
Shadowboxer by nobloodnofoul reviews
Edward is an underground fighter using the ring as an outlet for his pent-up rage. Bella is a college dropout running from her complicated past. Their paths collide when Edward is beaten and left for dead. Rated M for LEMONS. CANON PAIRINGS. AH. OOC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 171,703 - Reviews: 6367 - Favs: 8,643 - Follows: 4,014 - Updated: 1/21/2010 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Geek Love by SassenachWench reviews
Humor, romance, healing and rampant geekitude collide in this Edward & Bella love story. "A funny, quirky love story about two computer geeks whose playful friendship turns into something more." Chokin' the Rubber Chicken blog.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 84,776 - Reviews: 3166 - Favs: 2,750 - Follows: 1,289 - Updated: 1/3/2010 - Published: 8/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Virtual Intimacy by theladyingrey42 reviews
Bella is too shy to approach the pierced, tatted boy at the back of the lecture hall. But when she begins chatting with a classmate with an unusual screen-name, she lets a bolder side of her personality through. Lemon-shot Christmas present for antiaol.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,704 - Reviews: 539 - Favs: 1,743 - Follows: 397 - Published: 12/27/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Price of Permanence by Pastiche Pen reviews
Edward Cullen is marrying the perfect woman - except that she's not his version of perfect. How does he catch the woman who is? EPOV Companion to Sin & Incivility. Mature. All-human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 26,587 - Reviews: 569 - Favs: 568 - Follows: 303 - Updated: 12/26/2009 - Published: 11/6/2009 - Edward - Complete
Shotgun Charlie by jstarrh reviews
When Charlie catches Edward and Bella in a compromising position how will he react? What lengths will they have to go to in order to get alone time together?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 44 - Words: 133,640 - Reviews: 1009 - Favs: 628 - Follows: 436 - Updated: 12/8/2009 - Published: 1/31/2009 - Bella, Edward
Perception by WickedAngel23 reviews
ON HIATUS. When Bella finds her life written in a book, she's terrified of reading more when the events start to occur hours after she reads them. Especially when her life is placed in the hands of a fictional vampire who may or may not be the villain of the story.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 45,523 - Reviews: 311 - Favs: 183 - Follows: 252 - Updated: 12/5/2009 - Published: 8/28/2009 - Edward, Bella
The Emperors of Washington by gallantcorkscrews reviews
Edward is a killer. But it can't be explained away by his vampire nature. He's just a sociopathic, human teenager. CAN I MAKE A LOVE STORY OUT OF THIS? ExB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 36,778 - Reviews: 2549 - Favs: 1,820 - Follows: 1,054 - Updated: 12/4/2009 - Published: 8/27/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
While You Were Gone by LauraACullen reviews
What if the wolves didn't get to Bella before Laurent bit her? This is the story of Bella being changed despite Edward leaving to prevent it. How will her change impact their chance for a future together? Rated M; not for younger readers.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 17 - Words: 74,297 - Reviews: 749 - Favs: 1,282 - Follows: 497 - Updated: 11/27/2009 - Published: 5/14/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
An End to Resistance by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Set between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. Bella is waiting for Edward when he comes back from hunting. Edward stops resisting. In a good way.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,282 - Reviews: 174 - Favs: 527 - Follows: 88 - Published: 11/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Mistletoe Manipulation by vixen1836 reviews
Written for The Official SmutVent Calendar 2008. Arrogant, crooked CEO Edward Cullen meets a mysterious, beautiful stranger at his company Christmas party. Things are not what they appear. Proceed with caution; this even makes me blush. OOC/AH/AU. EPOV.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,475 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 403 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 11/16/2009 - Published: 12/18/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Isle Esme by vixen1836 reviews
For True Edward Fans. A look at the first night on Isle Esme through Edward's eyes. RATED M FOR ELOQUENT, EDWARDIAN LEMONS. CANON. EPOV.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 14,394 - Reviews: 434 - Favs: 1,323 - Follows: 347 - Updated: 11/16/2009 - Published: 10/11/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Paved With Good Intentions by 4JACE reviews
If you loved someone, how much would you be willing to sacrifice? Bella makes the most difficult decision of her life; now she has to live with the consequences. A Bella/Edward story.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 19 - Words: 70,446 - Reviews: 895 - Favs: 819 - Follows: 408 - Updated: 11/12/2009 - Published: 1/28/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Midnight Caller by KatieBelleCullen reviews
Bella is left alone for the evening and has the entire house all to herself. Well, maybe not quite. . .M for dark, smutty times.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 2 - Words: 22,136 - Reviews: 688 - Favs: 1,193 - Follows: 722 - Updated: 10/23/2009 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Bella, Edward
It's Better When I Bleed For You by xxSiLvErDrAgOnxx reviews
When Laurent and Bella cross paths in the meadow, Alice sees that Bella doesn't manage to escape before Laurent attacks her and all goes black. But what Alice can't see is the arrival of the pack, interupting Laurent's meal. 80 years later in Chicago...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 13 - Words: 68,693 - Reviews: 1920 - Favs: 2,398 - Follows: 2,396 - Updated: 10/4/2009 - Published: 5/22/2008
If Love Could Light a Candle by Pastiche Pen reviews
Edward Cullen: telepath, vampire, and psychologist. When a new patient ignites unfamiliar feelings in his soul, can he reconcile his past with his future? A la Midnight Sun. Warnings: Violence, lots of character death, and the usual. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 13 - Words: 112,620 - Reviews: 2869 - Favs: 3,161 - Follows: 1,572 - Updated: 9/25/2009 - Published: 4/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Girl Afraid by agoraphobiantic reviews
Edward moves to Forks with his father during his senior year, where he meets Bella Swan. Gorgeous, confident, and non-malicious hater extraordinaire. She hates Edward, and it's anyone's guess why.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 67,698 - Reviews: 592 - Favs: 967 - Follows: 253 - Updated: 8/16/2009 - Published: 7/20/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Vanilla and Chrome by theladyingrey42 reviews
I stared at him, taking in the steel bar above his brow, the line of helix studs along the curl of one ear, the swirls of green and black ink around his neck dipping down below his shirt. And then I looked deeper." Tattward & Inkella. AU/AH BxE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,180 - Reviews: 348 - Favs: 810 - Follows: 318 - Updated: 8/12/2009 - Published: 7/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Captive of a Bartender by AcrossTheSkyInStars reviews
Entry for Summer of Smut One-shot Contest: A beautiful woman is taken captive by a sexy bartender while on vacation. They become consumed in a night of...ahem...fun. Smut, OF COURSE. Rated M for mature themes, lemons, profanity...etc.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,595 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 467 - Follows: 117 - Published: 8/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Captive by Erotillectual reviews
Convinced that allowing Bella to be changed into a vampire would be wrong, Edward resorts to drastic measures to keep her mortal - ultimately forcing Carlisle to intervene - and makes a few discoveries and learns a few of life's lessons along the way.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 71,743 - Reviews: 406 - Favs: 415 - Follows: 193 - Updated: 7/17/2009 - Published: 12/22/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Gilded Mirror by VvDeadRosesvV reviews
Age of Edward contest submission, Victorian. All-Human, Edward/Bella. Lemon. Quote: "You will know him," Angela whispered, "by the bronze of his hair, wild as a thousand fingers tugging with lust upon the roots itself! Beware his eyes..."
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,989 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 261 - Follows: 91 - Published: 7/9/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Red Line by WinndSinger reviews
Edward is an exotic male dancer. Bella is a college student studying psychology and needs a subject to do her thesis on. Bella pays Edward to belong to her for 2 weeks so she can study him. Things soon get very interesting between them.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 40 - Words: 351,671 - Reviews: 19435 - Favs: 12,161 - Follows: 5,566 - Updated: 5/1/2009 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Edward, Bella
Going Down? by gemmabobella reviews
submission for ninapolitan's cocktease contest Edward and Bella pairing. Sometimes all you need is a push in the right direction, or to be trapped in an elevator with a beautiful stranger AUAH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 19,864 - Reviews: 442 - Favs: 766 - Follows: 380 - Updated: 4/14/2009 - Published: 2/19/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
She's Royal by halojones reviews
The Cullens are in Hawaii on holiday, but only Alice knows the reason why they are there-she's had a premonition that Edward would finally meet his true love. But when their meeting is ruined by unforeseen circumstances, will Alice set things right again?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 20 - Words: 110,148 - Reviews: 2752 - Favs: 2,319 - Follows: 1,265 - Updated: 3/27/2009 - Published: 6/8/2008 - Complete
High Heels and Runaway Frisbees by enamors reviews
Bella shares a very passionate and public kiss with a handsome, bronze haired stranger. Edward/Bella AU/AH one shot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,102 - Reviews: 5251 - Favs: 4,703 - Follows: 4,117 - Updated: 3/4/2009 - Published: 6/2/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The UGLY TRUTH ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE BLANKWARD by gallantcorkscrews reviews
This groundbreaking article explores Domward, Doucheward, Slashward, Healingward... A crack fic/drabble. But no no, this is of grave importance.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 966 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 14 - Published: 2/6/2009 - Edward - Complete
Art Model by dollegirl reviews
Bella needs money. Her friend convinces her to pose nude for an art class. One-Shot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,206 - Reviews: 816 - Favs: 3,260 - Follows: 568 - Published: 11/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
From Innocence to Experience by Thallium81 reviews
Bella was perfectly content with life in Forks until she lost her best friend Alice. Now a dark figure lurks in the shadows. Bella suspects that Edward knows more than he is letting on, but how can she solve the mystery if he keeps avoiding her? AU/Canon
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 101,274 - Reviews: 1759 - Favs: 1,881 - Follows: 465 - Updated: 10/10/2008 - Published: 7/28/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
10 Steps To Seducing Your Hot Virgin Vampire BF by halojones reviews
This story starts off after Edward rebuffs Bella's modest advances in their newly acquired bed in Edward's room. But things take a turn for the better for these two lovesick kids when Alice takes things into her own hands. Never bet against Alice!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 92,432 - Reviews: 5138 - Favs: 2,977 - Follows: 1,448 - Updated: 8/28/2008 - Published: 3/4/2008 - Complete
How Dirty Boys Get Clean by luvcali76 reviews
EB. It's two days before the wedding and Bella has a plan. A two-parter.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 15,886 - Reviews: 273 - Favs: 642 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 7/10/2008 - Published: 5/20/2008 - Complete
Totality by blondie AKA robin reviews
Various stories from Eclipse written in Edward's POV. Newest addition: Spontaneous Combustion.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,277 - Reviews: 280 - Favs: 384 - Follows: 180 - Updated: 3/20/2008 - Published: 3/5/2008