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Joined 02-14-09, id: 1837794, Profile Updated: 03-26-12
Author has written 5 stories for Twilight.

I like vampires who actually bite.

I write humor, I write drama, I write canon, I write AU - the way I see it, Twilight is my lab rat and I'm going to keep poking it with needles until I get the desired result. Thanks for taking a moment to indulge in my madness.

Wild at Heart is currently my favorite pet. I've always wanted to know the backstory of James and Victoria, and what better way to explore it than in a fun, historical setting? In case any of you are interested, the two poems referenced in Chapter 5 are "The Giaour" (1813) and "Imitated from Catallus to Anna" (1806) by Lord Byron.

If humor is more your bag, you simply have to check out Jake and Ness Finally Do It. Remember how awkward your first time was? Now imagine how awkward it would be if you were a half-vampire and he was a werewolf. Aaaaaaaand GO!

Can't get enough alternate pairings? I humbly present the real way Sue Clearwater should have ended up: in bed with Billy Black! Read How Billy Got His Groove Back (and Everyone Else Lost Their Lunch) for a peek into one couple's attempt to spice up their love life in a creative and hilarious way.

How about a crack!pairing that doubles as a slashy sexy funny love story? Laugh your ass off following Demetri Volturi's attempts to seduce James the Nomad in Getting Off the Beaten Tracker.

The first fan fiction I ever wrote were the two short stories in Irreverent Shorts. Valentines for Vampires is about a special Valentine's Day gift from Emmett to Bella - much to Edward's chagrin - and Boozed Up Bella follows the general principle that clumsy dorky people are hilarious to watch inebriated. (There's also a healthy dose of Jacob/Bella angst in that story...)

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Dangerous Beauty by Alsper reviews
AU. Set in the 1920s, Jasper is a lone vampire content in wandering alone in this world until he smells something delicious and finds someone who intrigues him. cannon pairings, OOC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 19,744 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 11/1/2010 - Published: 11/25/2009 - Jasper, Alice
Demons and Sinners by Alsper reviews
Everyone has a demon that makes you sin. Can Alice escape the violence to find her white rabbit? Will Jasper see through the pain for his true salvation? AH/AU Not intended for the weak hearted. Rated M for Sex, Drugs and Violence
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 31 - Words: 226,455 - Reviews: 1330 - Favs: 403 - Follows: 198 - Updated: 4/2/2010 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Love in the Mirror Room by forbiddenkisses reviews
What if, on that fateful day in the ballet studio, James and Bella had realized they were intrigued by and attracted to one another? Is it Stockholm or destiny? What would Edward do if he could find no traces of either of them when he got to the studio?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 77,966 - Reviews: 959 - Favs: 1,174 - Follows: 464 - Updated: 8/12/2009 - Published: 2/28/2009 - Bella, James - Complete
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Wild At Heart reviews
Cold, deadly, and haunted, James Wilder is a frontiersman in the Old American West who becomes the unwilling protector of his boss' frightened and abused daughter Victoria Childress. Pre-Twilight, Dark Themes, Vampires
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Western - Chapters: 17 - Words: 73,677 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 6/26/2011 - Published: 3/18/2010 - James, Victoria
Getting Off the Beaten Tracker reviews
Demetri Volturi is harboring a crush on sexy fellow tracker James the Nomad, whom he plots to get alone by throwing a Tracking Competition he knows James can't resist. Can Demetri lure James out of his pants and into his heart? OOC, AU, Vampires, MATURE.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,641 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/5/2010 - Published: 5/14/2010 - James, Demetri - Complete
How Billy Got His Groove Back reviews
Some time after Breaking Dawn... Billy Black and Sue Clearwater are newlyweds, but already their love life has started to fizzle out. What lengths will they go to in order to get back the spark? AU, OOC, and very silly.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,208 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Published: 5/10/2010 - Billy, Sue - Complete
Jake and Ness Finally Do It reviews
Five years after Breaking Dawn... Emmett and Rosalie give Jacob and Nessie access to their "love shack" for their first night together... will it be as awkward as we all hope? Sit back and enjoy this ridiculous and irreverent glimpse into the future!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,817 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/19/2010 - Jacob, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Irreverent Shorts reviews
Most of these are short, hopefully funny, and mostly irreverent vignettes of life for Bella, the Cullens, and Jacob's wolf pack. Mostly canon pairings - Bella human, all Cullens vampires, Jacob and co werewolves. Action is contemporary with first 3 books
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,052 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 2/18/2009 - Published: 2/16/2009 - Bella, Edward