Author has written 3 stories for Hetalia - Axis Powers.
Current Favorites: Homestuck, Harry Potter, Bleach, Durarara!!, Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, South Park, Naruto, Dangan Ronpa, Death Note
1)Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2) He who laughs last thinks slowest.
3) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4) The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
5) A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
6) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
7) A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
8) When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty.
9) 667. Evil and then some.
10) All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
11) Tell your voices to SHUT UP...I can't hear mine...
12) Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
13) I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.
14) Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.
15) People are like Slinky's, basically useless, but it's still fun to watch them fall down the stairs.
16) One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
17) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
18) Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."
19) Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
20) Do you ever feel like your life is the butt of some great big cosmic joke?
21) "Stress: The condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to kick someone's ass"
22) "Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."
23) There's nothing that can't be fixed with: ducttape, chocolate, or by running it over.
24) "My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you all at the same time."
25) An essay is an attempt to explain something that could have been said in two sentences.
26) There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest have to test the electric fence for themselves.
27) I once shot a man just to watch him die...but I got distracted and missed it.
28) A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain; a best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!".
29) A friend wipes your tears when your rejected; a best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?".
30) "So... what you're saying is, I should cancel my plans to invade China."
31) "Evil Beware; we have waffles."
32) Duct tape is like the force. Dark on one side, light on the other, and it holds the universe together.
33) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
34) If at first you don’t succeed...Cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
35) There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't!
36) If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, then why do they abduct the dumbest people on earth ??
37) Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...
38) "I told my psychologist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
39) Always forgive your enemies, because nothing annoys them more.
40) Behold! The All-American weapon of mass destruction: choking on a pretzel.
41) Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
42) "I did NOT escape. They gave me a day pass."
43) You cry, I'll cry. You laugh, I'll laugh. You fall out of a window, I'll laugh even more."
44) "You're not paranoid if they really are out to get you."
45) "I have a dream, and in it something eats you."
46) "I like it in my happy place, for they know me there."
47) "If you wish not to be destroyed, you will leave me alone."
48) Manga: The Anti-Drug. Because when you're addicted to manga, how could you possibly afford drugs?!
49) Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard; be evil.
50) "My mind works like lightning...One brilliant flash and it's gone."
51) Of course I'm out of my mind!...It's dark and scary in there...
52) Only in America do pizzas arrive at doorsteps faster than ambulances.
53) No need to suffer in silence when you can still moan, whimper, and complain.
54) Please do not throw anything or anybody into the fish pond.
55) Self Destruct in 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Have a nice day. (explodes)
56) When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
57) I didn't say it was your fault, I SAID, I was going to blame you.
58) Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!
59) Sometimes I Wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" and then it hits me!!
60) Great minds roll in the same gutter.
61) Nothing is impossible, except skiing through revolving doors.
62) I wonder what would happen if I tossed a nuclear bomb out into space... hmm...
63) The butterflies are plotting SOMETHING...
64) What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
65) Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
66) "Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted."
67) I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying?
68) The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits.
69) Life is divine chaos. Embrace it!
70) I hate nothing. Just dislike with a passion of a thousand suns.
71) All the nice guys are ugly, and the hot ones are rude. The Hot and nice ones are gay...
72) You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.
73) Sarcasm is your body's natural defense against stupidity.
74) I'm nobody...Nobody is perfect... so I'm BETTER THAN YOU.
75) The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
76) Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
77) Chaos always wins, because it's better organized.
78) I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead.
79) Of course violence isn't the answer. 'Violence' is the question and 'yes' is the answer!
80) Your chances of getting struck by lightning increase if you stand under a tree, shake your fist up at the sky, and yell, 'Storms suck!'
81) Chaos...Panic...Disorder...My work here is done.
82) Don't interupt me when I'm talking to myself.
83) I used to listen to the voices in my head, but I ran out of places to hide the bodies.
84) Tucking fypos!
85) To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
86) I'm such a loser...but I'm wicked cool.
87) Yeah, I know...I need new friends...but I've spent years breaking these ones in!
88) I may be dumb but you're just jealous because you're smart and good behavior is expected of you...
89) Why be mature when immaturity allows you to stick your tongue out at people and shout and rant and all that fun stuff?
90) You're just grumpy 'cause my music kicks your music's wimpy little ass...
91) Leave me alone or you will walk away with one less finger.
92) "I'm smiling. That alone should scare you."
93) "I'm at peace with the world. I'm completely serene. I've discovered my purpose in life. I know why I was put here and why everything exists... I am here so everybody can do what I want. Once everybody accepts it, they'll be serene too."
94) I brake for fairies, elves, gnomes, leprechauns, and other invisible creatures that only I can see.
95) Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
96) No problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else.
97) I have plenty of talent and vision. I JUST DON'T CARE.
98) DON'T ANNOY THE CRAZY PERSON.
99) Ahhhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
100) It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
101) If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
102) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends if they're okay, then it's you.
103) If someone insults or offends you, its your job to figure out what it is in you that is reacting. Only then should you hit them on the top of their pointly little head.
104) Its more fun and effective to attack using humour. Self defense is difficult when everyone is laughing.
105) Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
106) Rule 34 of the Internet: If you can imagine it, there's porn of it.
107) Be normal and the crowd adores you. Be insane and they make you their leader.
Miroku - Yeah, let's just run.
Inuyasha - What? No way. You can't just eat and run.
Miroku - If the demon is truly big, then we are no match for it. It's irrational. It's impossible. It's against my religion.
Inuyasha - You ought to be arrested.
Lambo - Lambo-san is here.
Yamamoto - Yo, Lambo, did you bathe?
Lambo - Bianchi and Kyoko and Haru and l-pin too. There were lots of boobies!
Tsuna and Yamamoto - *spills their drinks*
Reborn - You really are a bunch of kids.
Mr. Garrison - "Oh, I'm through with Mr. Hat. He's a two-timing whore. From now on you'll be learning from Mr.Twig."
Tweek - "But what if I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me?"
Stan - "Tweek, when has that ever happened, except for that one time?"
Clyde Donovan - "Well, my Kool-Aid cures cancer, what does yours do?"
"If you watch ESPN2 for 24 hours, you will understand America a lot better. 'Hi, we're America! We build monster trucks for fun. We've developed the top fuel dragsters, 0 to 330 miles an hour in under 5 seconds, 'cause well, we were bored. Piss us off, and see what we build.'" -Christopher Titus
1. Do not introduce self as role playing character in public.
2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5. Do not go out in public.
6. Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4.
7. Note expressions.
8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9. Floor is slippery when wet.
10. Lake is slippery when dry.
11. Only talk to strangers you know.
12. Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.
13. For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.
14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15. Kill them for security purposes.
16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
18. The men in white coats are not your friends.
19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.
20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.
21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24. Always remember, um... um... Damn.
25. Train army of flying monkeys.
26. Goldfish don't like milk.
27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28. Find out who invented the word "pianist".
29. People are staring at you.
30. So act insane.
31. People are weird, but not as weird as me.
32. Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.
33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible.
35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.
36. Never pet a burning dog.
37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.
38. Naked men dig parkas.
39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
40. You know what would look good on you?
41. Immolated cockroaches.
42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43. The size of Danny DeVito.
44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.
45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46. Stalking is fun. Do it more.
47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"
48. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
49. That way is rum.
50. Constipated people don't give a sh-t.
51. Neither do those on PMS.
52. You cannot kill the snow.
53. The snow can kill you.
54. Grass can also kill you.
55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...
56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.
57. HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.
58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.
59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.
61. Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.
62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.
63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64. Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.
65. Remember to kill HIM...
66. Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.
69. Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.
70. Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions.
71. Eat the evidence.
72. But not if it's broken glass.
73. When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.
74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.
75. Disregard last note.
76. Note reactions.
77. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
78. Stock up on ball point pens.
79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
81. Do not stick fingers into blender.
82. Blender... Bad... Ouch.
83. Blood loss is bad.
84. Find way to re-attach fingers.
85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.
86. Answer every question with a question.
87. Ask people what gender they are.
88. Note reactions.
89. Refer to people as "mortal".
90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.
91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92. Start by drowning them in fire ants.
93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.
94. Kill them.
96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
97. Dunk head in boiling water.
98. Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.
99. Gullible IS written on the ceiling!
100. Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...
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