just-a-crazyfanpire
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Joined 02-16-09, id: 1840058, Profile Updated: 01-05-13
Author has written 8 stories for Twilight.

Name: Carmen.

Country: The land of Dracula. MMUAuAhAUha!

Books: Judith McNaught: Paradise, Perfect, Almost Heaven, Something Wonderful, Julie Garwood: The bride, Ransom, The secret, Lion's lady, Jill Barnett: Just a kiss away, Lisa Kleypas: The Hathaways, Wallflowers Series, Colleen Hoover: Slammed, Point of retreat, Hopeless, Kristin Higgins: My one and only, S. C. Stephens: Thoughless, Efortless, Collision Course, The Twilight Saga, Pride and Prejudice, The Host, Wuthering Heights, Can you keep a secret?, Jane Eyre

Movies: Titanic, Twilight Saga, Remember me, If only, A walk to remember, Sweet November, The Notebook, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Inception, Avatar, Armageddon, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Ice Age 1/2/3, Angels and Demons, The duchess, Pirates of the Caribbean 1/2/3, The Illusionist, The Proposal, Knowing, The Ring 1/2.

Actor/Actress: Actors: Colin Morgan, Bradley James, Robert Pattinson, Ed Westwick, Paul Wesley, Ian Sommerhalder, Kellan Lutz, Johnny Depp, Adam Sandler, Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, Ben Affleck. Actresses: Ashley Greene, Leighton Meester, Nina Dobrev, Keira Knightley, Kate Winslet, Liv Tyler, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

TV Shows: Merlin, Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl, Ghost Whisperer, Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, Pretty Little Liars

Music: Everything. Paramore, Within Temptation, Evanescence, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Timbaland, Beyonce, Pussycat Dolls, Pendulum, Jimmy Eat World, Lifehouse, Trading Yesterday, Ed Sheeran... and others...


Funny

# Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

# When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car.

# God made coke.
God made pepsi.
God made me.
Oh so sexy.
God made rivers.
God made lakes.
God made you.
Well.. we all make mistakes.

# Blonde: WHO WANTS TO DATE ME AND HURRY?!?!?!
Boy: Why do you want someone to date you?
Blonde: Because in 2012 every SINGLE person would die!!

Suggestions For Women To Respond To Pickup Lines

"Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

He: So what do you do for a living?
She: Female impersonator.

"Is this seat empty?"
"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

"So, wanna go back to my place?"
"Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

"I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
"It's in the phone book."
"But I don't know your name."
"That's in the phone book too."

"What sign were you born under?"
"No Parking."

"I know how to please a woman."
"Then please leave me alone."

"Haven't we met before?"
"Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

"I want to give myself to you."
"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

"I can tell that you want me."
"Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you... to leave."

"Hey, baby, What's your sign?"
"Stop."

"Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

"May I see you pretty soon?"
"Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

"Your body is like a temple."
"Sorry, there are no services today."

"I'd go through anything for you."
"Good! Let's start with your bank account."

"I would go to the end of the world for you."
"Yes, but would you stay there?"

"Your place or mine?"
"Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

After hearing a pickup line:
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

If you are looking at a girl and she says "What are you looking at?"
say "I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken."

He: Would you like to dance?
She: Not with you.
He: Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did.

He: Do you wanna dance?
She: Yeah but not with you!
He: You must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants!

Q: Does beauty run in your family?
A: It obviously doesn't in yours!

Q: What's your name sexy?
A: Taken!

Q: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?
A: Yeah, but this time don't stop!

Q: I think you're the best looking girl in here.
A: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

He: Your legs go clear up to your ass.
She: Most peoples' do!

Q: Can I buy you a drink?
A: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

"You look like a dream."
Response: "Go back to sleep."

He: Whats it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
She: Whats it like being the biggest liar in the world?

"I can see forever in your eyes."
Response: "But all I can see is never in yours."

"I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included."
Response: "Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk."

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

The most romantic first line but least romantic second line.

1. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

2. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life.

3. I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

4. Oh loving beauty, you float with grace

If only you could hide your face.

5. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

This describes everything you are not.

6. I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

7. My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

8. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss

But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

9. My feelings for you no words can tell

Except for maybe "Go To Hell".

10. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

11.What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime.


Translations

Did he just say Sex Ed? in Spanish


My favorite video Merlin/Arthur

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My unknown desire reviews
England, 1865. She is a wallflower. He is a reformed rake. She loves him, but she is invisible to him. He loves another woman, but he will never have her. What happens when a scandal breaks out and they are forced to marry? Will love blossom? - EdwardxBella
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 35,621 - Reviews: 505 - Favs: 494 - Follows: 752 - Updated: 2/28/2015 - Published: 2/9/2014 - Bella, Edward
Resisting love reviews
Scotland, 1152. He had never given his heart to someone. Not after his parents died right in front of him when he was only a child. Being forced by the king of his country to marry, he decides to fight the attraction to his bride. ExB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 104,891 - Reviews: 1773 - Favs: 2,665 - Follows: 1,473 - Updated: 3/24/2012 - Published: 5/14/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Enchanted reviews
They live in different years, but in the same apartment. They become fast friends, but love is only a heartbeat away from them. There is only one thing able to bring them together. What can that be? AH/AU. ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 30,668 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 2/7/2011 - Published: 1/13/2010 - Bella, Edward
The Cullens watch Twilight reviews
"Twilight. Release Date: 21 Nov. 2020. Cast: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart. Now in theatres!" While the Cullens are watching TV, they see a strange promo. *Bella and Edward talking in the forest* "They made a movie about us?" someone screamed.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,552 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 7/15/2010 - Published: 8/13/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Cullens watch New Moon reviews
Sequel to 'The Cullens watch Twilight'
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,376 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 39 - Published: 7/15/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
No matter what reviews
A million words would not bring you back, I know because I tried; neither would a million tears, I know, because I cried. All I know is that I'm lost without you. One-Shot. BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,079 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 8 - Published: 5/6/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Always remember reviews
AH/AU Location: Seattle. Ingredients: a hot guy, lots and lots of cocktails, a comfortable bed and sex. Result: a baby. What will do Bella when she finds out she’s pregnant? Rated M, just in case.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 92,805 - Reviews: 580 - Favs: 896 - Follows: 368 - Updated: 12/18/2009 - Published: 7/17/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Did he just say Sex ED? reviews
A normal day, normal teachers, almost normal students. What could happen? But then appears in the schedule a new different course.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 43,546 - Reviews: 273 - Favs: 272 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 7/20/2009 - Published: 3/29/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete