I really want to write something clever and witty here so that on the off chance that someone actually reads this (or if I ever post a fic of my own) people will think I'm quirky yet endearing. That being said, a full time job and a fanfiction obsession puts a major damper on writing something of my own. I'm impressed that anyone publishes anything with all the great fics out there to read. I can however, share with you my list of Twilight Fanfiction Faux Pas. Things that if I ever do write my own fic, you will never see happen. Ever. I'm not playing here folks. This shit rubs me the wrong way.
FANFIC FAUX PAS
Over used words and phrases that make me cringe:
cup -cupping, writh - writhing, cuddle - cuddling, cradle - cradling, pulse - pulsing, plow - plowing - plowed, dick mitten, Ungh Ung, Urgh, Gah, milking, rock hard, soft curves, wet folds or slick folds, core, peen - I giggle when i see this word like the 7th graders who use it in their stories, explode or any permutation of the world ie: explosion, exploding, exploded, etc., "Cum for me", "Cum now" or even just the word "Cum" One, that just doesn't happen on command and two, "cum" - spelled c-u-m is so vulgar/crass it makes my skin crawl, suckle, "melt into a puddle of goo"
Sexual situations that are anything but sexy:
having oral sex in a church with a priest in training
oral sex while Bella is on her period - ew ew ew ew... this just makes me want to wash my mouth out for a week
Scenes and/or items that are so chiche they should be banned:
shower sex, meadow scenes, descriptions of Edward's Volvo, detailed descriptions of Bella's hair or petite form, Coma scenes, Bella revealing earth-shattering truths/feelings in her sleep talk. Whatever. That never happens., References to Bella's bodywash or shampoo - what straight man can recognize the smell of freesias, let alones get hard from the smell of them??
Switching point of views without warning, in the same chapter - and "~~" doesn't count as a POV marker
not updating at least once a month