Author has written 4 stories for Hetalia - Axis Powers.
Heya! Welcome to my profile. I'm Alfred. I swear, I like more than just Hetalia. I just deleted my other fanfics because they all sucked. On the other hand, I do have a few in the works, but I probably won't post them here. I'm going to try to get an AO3 account, though and will repost my good stuff there and post and new stuff there. I'll add a link in here once I actually get it. In the mean time, read some of the funny stuff on my profile since I've cleared most of the excess out.
On Sears hairdryer:
On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On artificial bacon:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
THIS IS HOW WEIRDOS MAKE FRIENDS
People think weirdos can't make friends. Well, they're wrong.
Usually one weird person will find another weird person and those two will engulf themselves in mutual weirdness and we call those people our friends! =)
A ninja waits until the dead of night, when the enemy sleeps and drops his guard, when his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night, that is the moment for a ninja to strike.
They say guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well, I think the guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill too many people.
female come backs
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man: Is this seat empty?
Man: Your place or mine?
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Man: Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
"Things don't happen for a reason: they happen because someone screwed something up."
"You may not know what you've got til it's gone, but you don't realize how much you still love it til it shows up again."
HOMOPHOBIA IS GAY
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
SemeUke.com let's you take the seme or uke test and these are my results. There are 2 versions now, the 1st is my original results and the second is from the new version.
Most compatible with: Opportunist Seme, Romantic Seme
You are a Badass Uke!
Other uke admire you, some seme fear you. Despite your sometimes flaming appearance, you can even fool other people into thinking you are seme with your mischievous, manipulative attitude, but when push comes to shove, your true submissive nature emerges. It takes a seme with enough intensity to challenge you and keep you satisfied, and your perfect match, the Don't Fuck With Me Seme, knows that all that naughty teasing just means you want the punishment.
Most compatible with: Don't Fuck With Me Seme, Chibi Seme
CALL THE MEDICAL HOTLINE!
Hello and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline
If you are obsesive compulsive press one repeatedly
If you are codependant ask someone to press two for you
If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6
If you are paranoid we know what you are and what you want stay on the line and we'll trace your call
If you're delusion press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership
If you're schizofranic listen carefully and the small voice will tell you what number to press
If you are depressed it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you
If you're dyslectic press 69696969
If you have a nervous disorder please fidget with the hash key until the beep, after the beep please wait for the beep
If you have short term meomry loss please try your call again later
If you have low selfestem, hang on all our operators are too busy to talk to you
Note- What do you do if you have more than one? O.O
'Knowledge is power; power is the root of all evil. Therefore study to be evil.' (Agreed)
'Boys don't fall for me; I trip them.'
'I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away.'
'It is not enough to succeed; others must fail.'
'Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity.'
“That’s for me to know, and for you to ignore.”
"I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off."
"Never kick a tree no matter how badly it insults you."
"My imaginary friend says your a stupid little psychotic bastard who doesn't take showers..."
"You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor..."
"Your reign of terror is over. Mine is just begun."
"Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one."
"I'm almost always eventually right."
"You're quite impressed with yourself, aren't you?"
"NOBODY MOVE! ...I've dropped me brain."
"Hey, Wilson! I'm gonna go cut some cripple's eye out! Wanna come watch?!"
"I can hear your thoughts from my apartment."
"How are you gonna learn to swim, unless I take off your floaties and throw you into shark-infested waters?"
- House, "House" ("Whac-a-Mole")
"I know you're in there. I can hear you caring."
"When I lead the big patient rebellion, Voldemort here is the first to go."
"I'm not sad. I'm complicated. Chicks dig that."
"So, is that our job? House's puppets? He comes up with an insane idea, we get to pretend it's not?"
"I don't need a team!"
"Can Gibbs arrest God?"
"Ah, so you are a psychotic escapee from a high security mental institution, known as a funny farm around these parts, bent on world domination and going around posing as an exchange student to gain the trust of little short girls and eventually skin them alive in their own basements and wear their flesh as a fashionable hat?”
"This translator thing really stinks, you know that? What're you three saying?"
"God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs."
"If I were a giant alien bird in a department store, where would I be?"
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.
Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.
I’m not concerned with hell breaking loose, but a part of hell will break loose—it’ll be much harder to detect.
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
The hardest thing in life is to know is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Zeus: Where the hell you going, McClane?
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’.
Drama is life with the dull bits left out.
If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
A pioneer is never lost, but occasionally bewildered.
Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
I now know that there is much more to gain in the world than a paycheck.
Do you know the difference between involvement and commitment? Think of ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.
If you run, you might lose. If you don’t run, you’re guaranteed to lose.
Your disability is your opportunity.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in people, than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Lives based on having are less free than lives based on either doing or being.
Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means that freedom from thinking about yourself at all.
It is not necessary that you be wealthy or famous or a genius in order to fulfill your own destiny. All that is asked is that you use whatever gifts you have to the best of your ability.
Gibbs:“Not quite according to plan…”
Travelers never think that they are the foreigners.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.
Washburn: This landing is gonna get pretty interesting.
Some guy hit my fender and I said, “Be fruitful and multiply,” but not in those words.
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.
Only the foolish visit the land of the cannibals.
Love is like a Rubik Cube; there are countless numbers of wrong twists and turns, but when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter what way you look at it.
Everything in the world exists in order to end up as a book.
I find "good morning" contradictory
Don't hate yourself in the morning...sleep till noon
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
The best things in life are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real.
Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public
My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Friends are like stars, they come and go but the ones that stay are the ones that glow.
Caution: Handicapped people will be eaten by crocodiles below.
Out of my mind, please leave a message.
People are like slinkies, basically usless; and yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down stairs.
Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.
If you don't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you. :)
Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.
Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.
People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.
Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.
Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
My imaginary friend thinks you have problems.
Caution, water on road during rain.
WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.
The worst part about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth.
If you're gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
Dementors: Turning people emo since 370 B.C.
I don't have a dog... I eat my own homework.
I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!
Weapon of choice? Hmmmm... I'd have to say... SPORK!
Save the earth, it's the only place with chocolate!
There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.
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