in-love-with-my-own-sins
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Joined 02-21-09, id: 1846220, Profile Updated: 05-30-10
Author has written 2 stories for Wild Child, and Harry Potter.

I am a Roman Catholic and I'm proud of it.:)

I am Filipino and proud of it.:)

I am an anime addict obviously and proud of it.:)

I love reading books and proud of it.:)

I hate discrimination and would do anything to stop it...

I am Fourteen years old... And is becoming old!:((

Yes... I was born in 1995:)

I am a high school student...

I love music and especially Japanese songs...

I love Dragon Ball Z...

I love the JPOP boyband Arashi!!:)

I LOVE Jacob Black:)

I like Twilight Saga I admit it:)

I wish I could be immortal but being immortal means you have to give something important to you so...:)

I LOVE HARRY POTTER:)...

I LOVE rock music!!:)

Top 4 bands:)

-Paramore
-My Chemical Romance
-Fall Out Boy
-Bon Jovi

I love to play the piano...

I love to study...

I am currently writing my first fan fiction... So wait for it...:)

If you think that describes Edward Cullen, copy it into your profile!

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

Friends: Ask why you're cryin
Best Friends: has a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

Friends: say you can do better
Best friends: Will call him up and say "You have seven day to live"

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "LETS DO THAT AGAIN!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

Friend: Asks me for my number
Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops
Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friend: Will help me learn to drive
Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away
Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friends: Help you get over a boy
Best Friends: will go up to the boy punch him then say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

Friends: know only a few things about you
Best Friends: could write a very embarssing biography about you

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Get angry at you for calling them late in the night
BEST FRIENDS: Ask why it took so long for you to call

FRIENDS: Wonder about your love life
BEST FRINDS: Could blackmail you with it

Friends: Will help you find prince charming
Best Friends: Would kidnap him and bring him to you

Friends: fade
Best Friends: Are forever

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap!!

If you have ever fallen down the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their minds (including yourself...but that's a given), copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. -evil laugh-... parking garage... yellow bunnies... blue m&m's... Aston Martin...

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 12 hours just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever randomly burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever had a really (and I mean really) obvious revelation, such as "my gosh, I get it, it's called fall, because the leaves fall from the trees!" copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly stupid, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you think that dumb girl from the Eggo commercial should just give her father some freakin' waffles already, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this into your profile!

If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile

If you have ever slapped/punched a relative because they took something of yours, copy this into your profile

Your Weakness:

I don't know... Maybe Family?

Your Fears:

Your Perfect Pizza:

Hawaiian... And ham and cheese

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:

Survive... then die...:p

Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:

Hehe...

Thoughts First Waking Up:

Uhmm... What to do next??

Your Best Physical Feature:

Your Bedtime:

MIDNIGHT ROCKS... If I get attacked by insomnia I don't go to bed...

McDonald's or Burger King:

McDo

Chocolate or Vanilla:

BOTH

Do you Smoke:

No..

Will you Smoke:

No... I was raised by a doctor and a nurse

Do you Swear:

When I am shocked,mad, when I forget something and when I become violent

Do you Sing:

YES

Do you Shower Daily:

Of course

Do you behave yourself:

NO...

Do you get Motion Sickness:

Nope!

Do you think you are Attractive:

No... I think I'm not attractive

Are you a Health Freak:

NOPE

Do you get along with your Parents:

Sometimes

Do you like Thunderstorms:

Yes... It only means One thing: NO SCHOOL!

Do you play an Instrument:

YES... I play the piano.. the flute... Hoping to learn the guitar...:)

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:

NEVER

In the past month have you gone to a Mall:

YES...

In the past month have you eaten Sushi:

Nope but i want to!

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:

no

What do you want to be when you Grow Up:

DOCTOR... CARLISLE!!:)

What country would you most like to Visit:

Greece... Japan... and FORKS!!:))

Number of CDs I own:

A LOT

Fave Food:

CHOCOLATE

Fave Music:

Alternative rock

What do your feet smell like?

...secret

What does your hair smell like?

Shampoo

Can you clap with your feet?

Yes

Have you seen purple cows?

Never

If you have had 10 Mountain Dews, what would you be like?

Like the luckiest biker in the whole wide world...:))

When you think of the words "George Bush", what comes to your mind?

The former president of the United States...

W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?

NO

2. Be serious or be funny?
Serious

3. Drink whole or skim milk?:

NO

4. Die in a fire or drown?

BOTH

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?

Enemies... Cause I could kill them

D O . Y O U . P R E F E R.

1. Sun or moon?:
Both

2. Leaf-bare or Leaf-fall?

that's spring and autumn... Both they are both equinox anyways

3. Left or right?

Ampho:))

4. Ten acquaintances or five best friends?:

Best friends

5. Sunny or rain:
RAIN

6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?

Both

A B O U T . Y O U.

1. What time is it?:
9:57 AM

2. What do you want to do?

DIE:))

3. Where do you wanna live?
Forks and JAPAN And of course the Philippines

4. How many kids do you want?
one or two... Maybe cause I grew up with a number of siblings...

5. Do you want to get married?
yes

6. have you ever done drugs?
no

7. what do you like on your pizza?

Hawaiian

8. Can you cross your eyes?
yup

9. Do you make your bed daily?

If I feel like it...

R A N D O M.

1. Which shoe goes on first?

Any

2. Ever thrown a shoe at someone?

I think so...

3. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
twirl or cut sometimes...

4. Have you ever eaten Spam?
yup

5. Favorite ice cream?

Nestle POPS

6. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet?

TWO

7. Do you cook?
YES

8. Current mood?

Bored... Feels like I could die of boredom...

IN . THE. LAST. 48 HOURS. HAVE. YOU.

1. kissed some one?

Nope...

2. Sang?

yes

3. Been hugged:
NOPE

4. Felt stupid:
YES I always feel stupid...

5. Missed someone:
no

6. Danced Crazy?
yes

7. Gotten your hair cut?
nope

8. Cried:
nope

9. been kissed:
no

. S T U F F .

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

I WISH!!

2. Do you have a Dog?

THREE of them...

3. Do you have a cat?

no

4. The last time you've been sledding?

NEVER SNOWS HERE

5. Do you consider yourself creative?

NOPE

6. Do you have any friends on FF.net?

Maybe

T7. Do you know anybody in real life from FF.net

MAYBE

8. Where are you?

my house

9. Look up, then look back, what do you see?

Ceiling. Light. My parents' room

10. What are you listening to right now?

That's what you get by paramore

11. Last thing you ate?

Lobster... Of some sort...

12. Last thing you thought?

First fanfiction I want to write...

13. You have a million dollars what do you do?

CONVERT IT TO PESO...

14. What are you eating/drinking right now?

nothin

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they

closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile please.

( )_( ) (")_(")
This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
First he was like ROAR! And then I was like AHHHHHH!! Then he was like ROAR! And then I was like ah? Then he was like ROAR! And then I was like stab. And the he was like die.
"It's like 'B#! I live in a f#@! trash can'!"- Dave Chappelle
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Damn, we f!# up."
"If I flip this 50 cent coin whats the chance of me getting head?"
"If I said 'you have a nice body' would you hold it against me"
"Hey baby Im like a rubix cube the more you play with me the harder I get"

The Truth

There is a 30 suicide rate among gay and bisexual youth.

Though a significant number of gay and lesbian youth commit suicide or make suicide attempts, they do so most often because of the prejudice, hatred, and sometimes violence they have endured from mainstream society.

Just like racial identity or being male or female, sexual orientation is not something a person chooses.

Young men with more “feminine gender role characteristics” and those who recognize their same-sex orientation at an early age and acted on those sexual feelings seem to face the highest risk of self-destructive behavior.

Usually high relationship between homosexuality and sexual abuse and prostitution.

Families should accept their child and work toward educating themselves about the development and nature of homosexuality…

Family problems were the most frequently cited reason for attempts.

Internalization of society notions of LGBT as sick, self destructive, sinful, spreaders of disease, molesters of children, pathetic.

Schools can protect gay youth from abuse from their peers and provide accurate information about homosexuality in health curricula.

Those who are at the greatest risk for suicide are the ones who are least likely to reveal their sexual orientation to anyone.

Suicide may be a way of making sure that no one ever knows.

When societal attitudes towards gay males, lesbians, and bisexuals change from rejection to acceptance and support, their rates of self-destructive behavior most likely will decrease.

You know you live in 2009 when:

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have a screen name or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) You read this list, & keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You actually scrolled back up to check that there was a number 5.

11.) & now you're laughing at your stupidity.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for it. And you know you did.

DON'T STEROTYPE PEOPLE!! Copy and paste to ur profile, and bold what U r!!

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-m
oney kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG ASS.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST have seven wives.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve. (just the opposite XD)
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border. (Anyone who asks someone if they have a green card, I'll smack u! That's just rude!!)
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay. I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I HANG OUT with teenage DRINKERS AND SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be a controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (and so what if I am?!)

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber- sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.

IF YOU BELIVE IN GOD, READ THIS!!

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room
was a large round table.

In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled
delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell. They went to the next room and
opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was
the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, 'I don't understand. It is simple said the Lord. It requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.' When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you!

He died for you…why not live for Him?

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,

Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,

Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,

Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,

Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,

Calling me FAT wont make you PERFECT,

Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,

So why bother?

/I believe that/

~Oroichmaru is one (or more)~

.of the following:.

1.Micheal Jackson's Twin

2. A Crazy Pedophile Who Wants To Take Over The World With His Little Boy Servants

3.A Former Gay Stripper Who Lost His Touch (not that I have anything against gays/lesbiens)

4. Someone's Former, Discarded Sex Toy

5.The Human Reincarnation Of An Unlucky & Unfortunate Snake 'Demon' Who Wanted To Rule The World But Got Born Into The Body Of The Unluckiest Man On Earth

6. A Man Who Wanted To Be A Woman Who Got A Sex Change That Went Horribly Wrong (I dnt have anything against those ppl, by the way)

7. A Science Experiment Gone Horribly Wrong

8. An Evil Demon Who Likes To Eat The Bodies Of Dead Little Boys (Especially Uchihas)

9. A sad reminder that a snake and human do not make a beautiful child.

10. The long-lost cousin of Voldemort

Funny Quotes And Random Things:
- Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.
- Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
- I used all my sick days, so I called in dead...
- They say, "Guns dont kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, because if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG" I dont think you'd kill too many people.
- So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil? - Yeah, I'm a loser. But the coolest loser you'll ever meet.
- Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
- No, I won't go to Hell! It has a restraining order against me.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
- When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because, I mean, really? Who likes lemons?
- When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
- When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.
- I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
- Life isnt passing me by; it's trying to run me over.
- Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
- I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!
- Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide.
- I live in my own little world. But it's okay, they know me there.
- The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.
- Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
- If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from?
- Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?
- You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
- Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
- I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends.
- I got you a present; it's a CD. I hope you haven't got it, because I don't have a receipt... and I didn't exactly buy it...
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
- When in doubt, make up words!
- Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!
- If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie at least make one of them pretty.
- All work and no play means you will die in seven days... dun dun duuun.
- I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.
- Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; its already tomorrow in Australia.
- Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
- You say I'm not cool. Cool is just another word for cold. If I'm not cold then I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thank You for embracing it!
- Come to the Dark Side... we have cookies!
- One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
- Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach them how to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks!
- Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!
- The statistics of insanity is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
- When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
- A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
- Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
- There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
- Music is like candy: You throw away the (w)rappers.
- The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
- Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question... I wonder...
- My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.
- Do not take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
- If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
- Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
- Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
- I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.
- Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.
- People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.
- WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.
- If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.
- Yes, I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much.
- I don't have a dog... I eat my own homework. I'm not random, I just have many tho- OOH, LOOK! A SQUIRREL!
- Please: Don't throw your cigarette butt's on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.
- There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.
- Welcome to the internet, pants optional.
- Warning: Trespassers will be shot, Survivors will be shot again.
- If I throw a stick, will you go away?

And then, the most AWESOME one in the world...

- I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play Rock/Paper/Scissors, I always choose Rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their Paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole!"

Good Friend VS Best Friend

A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, "You will die in seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

A good friend picks up your papers in the hallways at school when you drop them. A best friend stands there and laughs while you scramble to pick them up.

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run bitch, run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be sitting next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

A good friend calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandma, by Grandpa. A best friend calls your parents DAD and MOM and Grandma, GRAMPS!

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days and then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad... here's a tissue."

A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.

A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'm home!"

A good friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions.

A good friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

A good friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.

A good friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.

A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.

A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

YOUR GUY SIDE:

xYou love hoodies.
xYou love jeans.
x Dogs are better than cats.
x It's hilarious when people get hurt.
XYou've played with/against boys on a team.
xShopping is torture.
xSad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.
xPlayed with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
xYou own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
xYou used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
xyou watch sports on TV.
xgory movies are cool
xYou go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
xBaggy pants are cool to wear.
xIt's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
x Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
x You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
xSports are fun
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night

Total: 16... Surprisingly not surprised at all...

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

xYou wear/Wore lip gloss/stick.
You love to shop.
xYou wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink
Go to your mom for advice.
X!!You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
xYou like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
xYou like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
xYou were in gymnastics/dance?
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.

xYou smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
xYou care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
xYou love the movies.
xUsed to play with dolls as little kid.
xLike putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing

Total: 9.. So what if I am Boy-ish but in this generation a lot of things changed ok...

I'm into THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude. (Morals and dignity, poeple. I'm not saying that people who aren't virgins are bad, I'm just saying I follow MY morals.)
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. (No, actually. I'm a little gullible, but not naive.)
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. (I know when to not say something, though I've had a few slip ups.)
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish.
I'm a GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress.
I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kiss someone's ass.
I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian.
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant. (If I wasn't myself I would have NO friends. Yup, I'm that much of a loser. LOL!)
I'm FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual.
I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict.
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian. (I love animals, but I also like burgers, hotdogs, teriaki... You get the point.)
I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug-addicted hippie
I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs.
I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
.
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up.
(No, I'm not a nerd. I'm a geek. Geeks are cool.)
I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch.
I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention.
I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean.
I'm THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz(I'm on of the top in my grade.)
I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all. (No! EWWW!! A lot are like my BROTHERS!!)
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare.
I'm PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore with a jock boyfriend.
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy.
I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head.
I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports.
I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time.
I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi.
I'm IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious.
(Not without a reason!)
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. (Normal is overrated.)
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.
I'm an OVER 16 YEAR OLD TEEN MALE signed with DISNEY, so I MUST be a GAY, CHILDISH FAG.
I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life.(Looks could be deceiving I may be smiling outside but inside is dufferent...)

I'm a TEEN GIRL who likes to HAVE GOOD NATURED FUN with my FRIENDS, so I MUST be a WHORE, SLUT, and a LESBIAN. (Who never heard of girl time?)
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention. (I like the way I dress, and others do too!)
I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too.
I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist.
I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd.
(READING ROCKS!)
I FROWN a lot, so I MUST be a nerd. (It hurts my face to smile too much!)
I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try.
I like the JONAS BROTHERS, so I MUST be a TEENIE BOPPER, OBSESSED FAN GIRL.
I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans.
I'm a HANNAH MONTANA FAN, so I MUST be childish and immature.
I'm POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet.
(FYI... Haven't you heard of RESPECT!)
I'm a TEENAGER who still likes the DISNEY CHANNEL, so I MUST be immature and childish.

x Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.
x Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.
x You have ran into a glass/screen door.
x You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
x You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.
So far: 5

xYou have ran into a tree. (lol courts)
xIt IS possible to lick your elbow
x You just tried to lick your elbow.
x You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm.
xYou just tried to sing them

So far:10

You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
x You have choked on your own spit.
XYou have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
Your hair is blonde.
x People have called you slow

So far: 13

You have accidentally caught something on fire
You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.
xYou have caught yourself drooling.
You've fallen asleep in class
If someone says "fart" you laugh (HAHAHAHAHA)

So far: 14

x Sometimes you just stop thinking.
x You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
x People often shake their heads and walk away from you
You are often told to use your "inside voice".
You use your fingers to do simple math.
So far: 17

You have eaten a bug.
You are taking this test when you should be doing something important
x You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it
x You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand or pocket

So far: 19

x You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don't even when you know it won't happen to you
You break a lot of things. (that was a both for me!) im clumsy. and sometimes stupid...)
So far: 20

Your friends/family know not to use big words around you
x You sometimes tilt your head when you're confused
x You have fallen out of your chair before

So far: 22

xWhen you're laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling
xThe word "uhhhh" is used many times a day.

So far: 24

So how retarded are you?
> Wanna find out?
> Complete this and you'll find out>
> 1. X You have choked on water before.

> 2. You have tripped down the stairs before.

> 3. X You have walked into a door

> 4. X You have pushed a door the wrong way.

> 5. X You have walked into a wall.

> 6. You have fallen going UP the stairs.

> 7. X You have jumped off something.

> 8. x You have been electrocuted

> 9. You have put metal/aluminum in the microwave.

> 10. X Right after a commercial comes on you forgot t he show you were
> watching.

> 11. X You have forgotten something that someone said.

> 12. X You barely ever understand stuff / jokes, or sometimes it takes a long time to figure them out.

> 14. You have been bleeding and not even noticed it.

> 15. XYou've worn something backwards / inside out the whole day without
> knowing.

> 16. X You have stuck a fork / knife in a toaster before.

> 17. X You have played with fire.

> 18. You've stepped on a flat iron / curling iron / straightener.

> 19. You didnt even notice there wasnt a number 13 in this quiz

> 20. You just checked to see if there wasnt a number

> So how retarded are u??> 0 - 0/20 x's
> 5 - 1/20 x's
> 10 - 2/20 x's
> 15 - 3/20 x's
> 20 - 4/20 x's
> 25 - 5/20 x's
> 30 - 6/20 x's
> 35 - 7/20 x's
> 40 - 8/20 x's
> 45 - 9/20 x's
> 50 - 10/20 x's
> 55 - 11/20 x's
> 60 - 12/20 x's
> 65 - 13/20 x's
> 70 - 14/20 x's
> 75 - 15/20 x's
> 80 - 16/20 x's
> 85 - 17/20 x's
> 90 - 18/20 x's
> 95 - 19/20 x's
> 100 - 20/20 x's
im 55 percent STUPID

Sayings by/for moms:

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.

Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it. (i loved this one)

In Honor of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children

2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping

4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap

12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required

14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use

15. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

16. On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

17. On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

18. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

19. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought??...)

20. On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

21. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

22. On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because??...)

23. On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

24. On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

25. On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

26. On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

27. On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

28. On a Korean kitchen knife-- "Warning: keep out of children."
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

29. On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.

Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)

1. Only in
America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in
America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put
our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8.
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages
of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'

.
10. Only in America...do they have
drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

ThInGs To PoNdEr:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?
Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

9 Things I Hate About Everyone1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here??

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

This has got to be one of the most clever
brainteasers I've seen in a while.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

-He who laughs last thinks slowest

-Who ever said that nothing was impossible clearly never tried to slam a revolving door.

-If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

-Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.

-1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

-One day we're going to look back on this, laugh nervously and then change the subject

-We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You just off a bridge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass

-Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

-If at first you try and don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

-My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.

-A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell going "We fucked up, huh?"

-A day without light is, well, night

-Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

-Those who cannot remember the past are going to spend a lot of time in mall parking lots looking for their cars

-Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

-I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

-If you're forced to choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before.

-if anyone here is telekinetic, raise my hand

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this ice ice _ --ummm still not cool, even then.

You remember watching:
-Doug
-Ren & Stimpy
-Pinky and the Brain
-AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
-Rockos modern Life.

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember:
-TGIF
-Step by Step
-Family Matters
-Dinosaurs
-Boy Meets World.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You said "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

when everything was settled by:
-rock paper scissors or
-bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or
-daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.

when cops and robbers was a daily activity.

when we played Hide and go seek until our legs grew numb.

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.

"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet. He's a Hero.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.

You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"

You remember watching:
-The Magic School Bus
-Wishbone
-Reading Rainbow on PBS.

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.

You remember those Where's Waldo books.

You remember eating Warheads.

You remember watching:
-the 1st Batman
-Aladdin
-Ninja Turtles
-3 Ninjas movies.

You remember Ring Pops.

You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.

If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"

When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)

one word. . . Furbies.

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

And Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.

Michael Jordan was a king.

YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!

You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Carebears

Gak was the coolest stuff invented.

The old dollar bills.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

You remember a time before the WB.

You collected all the Troll dolls

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.

Before the MySpace frenzy . . .

Before the Internet & text messaging . . .

Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .

Before MIKE JONES . . .

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .

Before Spongebob . . .

Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

When light up sneakers were cool.

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkman.

You had slap bracelets!

Way back.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

The last line makes me sad... : ( I HATE CHANGE!

Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1915

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1915

Edward Cullen: Hotter and Spicier Than You since 1901

Sad

I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying
"I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me
"I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."
"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?''
"OK" he said "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me!''"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local newspaper article: 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma.
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message.
2) Ignore it as if it never touched you. have a heart.

Quotes:

'I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow does not look good either.'

'May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and a big bag of money.'

'Cute but evil. Things even out.'

'You're ugly, and that's sad.'

'Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What the heck am I doing,
Talking to you?'

'I'm not mean. You're just a sissy.'

'I know how you feel. I just don't care.'

'Plotting revenge is fun.'

'School prepares you for the real world, which sucks.'

'Hating you makes me feel warm inside.'

'It's okay if you want to drop dead.'

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

I hear your silence loud and clear

Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

How can i miss you if you never left?

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

Boys are like knives, usefull but they'll cut you eventually

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Help I've fallen and i cant...hey nice carpet!

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive

Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.

Lifes Tough, get a helmet

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?

Only in America, do banks have braile on the drive-thru ATMs.

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

The cops never find it as funny as you do

In 1933 a girl died. A man buried her in the ground while she was still alive while chanting, "Toma Sota Balcu." As he buried her. If you don't repost this she will come hanging from your ceiling and suffocate you in the middle of the night. If you do repost this, your kindness will be rewarded

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I GOT SICK so I MUST be bulimic.

I WEAR GLASSES so I MUST be a nerd.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm NOT POPULAR so I MUST have no life.

I'm POPULAR so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm FRIENDLY so I MUST be fake.

I DO SCHOOL CLUBS so I MUST be a suck up.(It was required)

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST steal everything I don't have.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I ACT DIFFERENT so I MUST be a show-off.

I DON'T DO FASHION so I MUST be poor.

I HAVE NO FACEBOOK so I MUST have no friends.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm TALENTED so I MUST be a conceited show-off.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I WEAR MAKEUP so I MUST be a slut.

I DON'T WEAR MAKEUP so I MUST "think i'm all that".

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm an HONEST PERSON, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm an ACTRESS so I MUST be a liar.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm A WRITER so I MUST be crazy.

I LIKE SCHOOL so I MUST be a loser.

I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I TALK TO BOYS so I MUST be a slut.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I WRITE SAD POETRY so I MUST be emo.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.

I LIKE TO READ so I MUST have no life.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.

I LIKE TO LOOK GOOD so I MUST be insecure.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.

I LIKE TO SING so I MUST be some "pop star".

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I WEAR DARK CLOTHING so I MUST worship the devil.

I Love SHOPPING so I must be rich.

I'm an OG so I must be Mexican.

I DO STUDENT GOVERMENT so I MUST be a class-act suck-up.

96 percent of teens in the world today don't stand up for God. If you are one of the 4 percent that does put this in your profile.

TRUE CHRISTIAN FACTS

-John Lennon said, "Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple. Today we (the Beatles) are more famous than him." He was shot 6 times.

-Tancredo Neves said that if he got 500,000 votes for the presidential office of Brazil, not even God himself could remove him from office. He died the day before he was inaugurated.

-Billy Graham visited Marilyn Monroe and told her that God had sent him to preach to her. She said, "I don't need your Jesus." She was found dead a week later.

-In Brazil, a group of drunk friends were going out for a drive. One of the girls' mother said to her, "My daughter, go with God and may He protect you." The girl replied, "Only if He rides in the trunk, 'cause inside here, it's already full." A few hours later, the car was in an accident that killed everyone. The car was crushed, save the trunk, which, investigators say, should have been smashed. Inside was a crate of eggs, not one of them hurt.

-Christine Hewitt said that the Bible was the worst book ever written. She was later found burnt in her vehicle beyond recognition.


RANDOM THINGS

Come to the dark side . . . WE HAVE COOKIES!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Perfection is a waste of time.

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns. But those bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again...

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science: ‘Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work? Liberal Arts: ‘Do you want fries with that?

If two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, I'm not sure about the universe.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

I blame my attitude on videogames.

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again.

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.

Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs. ninjas, but cooler.

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over. -I always say stuff like this to my friend just to annoy her. She ABSOLUTELY hates the fact that I don't have a religion.-

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is human’s way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

How can I miss you if you never left?

I'm not with stupid anymore!

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Weird…

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard.

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door."

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you call everyone in the phone book that has the last name Cullen. Crazy is when you honestly believe Edward exists.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you Jack-ass"

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up. (and that's being generous)

I live in a world of Rainbows, hearts, bunnies and Unicorns. The rainbow is only in shades of grey and black, The hearts are broken and bleeding, the bunnies are acting all emo again, and the unicorn are cutting them selves with their horns... All in all it's my perfect life =D

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of who will burst our laughing in the middle of a silence because of something that happened...yesterday.

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

A friend will help you move a body, a BEST friend will help you move the dead body of your ex boyfriend to a ditch on the side of the freeway!

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Live a little. Because you can't be old and wise if you were never young and crazy.

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Don't call me emo or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT!

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

"When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade"

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God! There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Love your enemies! It really pisses them off.

A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.

The statistics on insanity are that 1 out of every 4 people has some kind of mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if their okay, then it's you.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

When all else fails blow shit up.

I believe die bitch conveys my feelings properly

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

Your village called, they're missing they're idiot.

I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces

Love is the fire of life; it either consumes or purifies

There are no such things as strangers, only friends that we have not yet met

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you

Don't waste your youth growing up

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It Goes On

Eat, drink, and be merry. For tomorrow we die.

Everybody laughs in the same language.

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.

Some people have a large circle of friends, while others have only friends that they like.

Everyone makes mistakes. It is what you do afterwards that counts.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

If you can't laugh at yourself make fun of other people.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream.

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory...

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the
best in you.

"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else"

"Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real."

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not."

"Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?"

"What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy."

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Smile, and the world will smile back at you. Laugh, and they'll all think you're on drugs.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

"This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence."

People can be divided into three groups. Those who make things happen. Those who watch things happen. Those who wonder what happened. Congratulations on being the captain of the third group.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Straight is something crooked that was bent.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager grls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong..

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary.

If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

Y BOIZ SHOULDN'T CHEAT
There was once a girl named Ashley who
had a
boyfriend
named
Jack.

Jack was the most popular guy in school.
The
three most
popular
girls were
Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma. Jack
thought of
Ashley as
OKAY,
but
he REALLy
liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also.
Well of
course
she
did, everyone
did!

Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies.
Courtney tried to
steal
Jack away
everytime she had a chance to. One day,
Courtney asked
Jack
if
he wanted
to
go to the movies. Ashley heard
everything...what
movie
theatre
and what
time.

Ashley approached the movies that night
and
followed Jack
and
Courtney.
Ashley sat right behind them. she
watched them
get close
to
each
other and
kiss...not only kiss, but practically get it
on in the
theatre.
Courtney
told jack "Do you want to come to my
place and
skip this
boring
movie?" He
replied "hell yes."

Ashley had peeked through Courtney's
window.
Jack and
her
were

messing
around and Ashley watched the whole
thing.

The next day at school Ashley wasn't
there. For
the next
few
days Ashley
wasn't there. A week later her mother
found her in
her
closet
dead... she
commited suicide because she had loved
Jack so
much.
Next
to
ashley's dead
body was a note.

A note that read: My dearest Jack, I
watched you
at the
movie
and at
Courtney's house and I will continue to
watch you.
I never
thought you
would
do something like this to me. I really
loved you
jack. I
died
for you just
like Jesus died for us.

Always with you, Ashley

Please foward this or Ashley will
haunt
you and try
to kill you because she wants everyone to
know
about
Courtney.

Thank you


PLEASE DON"T READ!!

There's a 13 year old girl, and she wished
that her dad would come home from
the army, because he'd been having
problems with his heart and right
leg. It was 2:53 p.m . When she made
her wish. At 3:07 p.m. (14 minutes
later), the doorbell rang, and
there her Dad was, luggage and all!!

I'm Katie and I'm 20 and I've been
having trouble in my job and on the
verge of quitting. I made a simple
wish that my boss would get a new
job. That was at 1:35 and at 2:55
there was an announcement that he
was promoted and was leaving for
another city. Believe me...this
really works!

My name is Ann and I am 45 years
of age. I had always been single
and had been hoping to get into a
nice, loving relationship for many
years. While kind of daydreaming
(and right after receiving this email)
I wished that a quality person would
finally come into my life. That was at
9:10 AM on a Tuesday. At 9:55 AM
a FedEx delivery man came into my
office.He was cute, polite and
could not stop smiling at me. He
started coming back almost everyday
(even without packages) and asked me
out a week later. We married 6
months later and now have been
happily married for 2 years.

What a great email it was!!

Just scroll down to the end, but
while you do, think of a wish.
Make your wish when you have completed
scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the
number of minutes it will take for your
wish to come true. ex.you are 25 years
old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish
to come true).

Go for it!

SCROLL DOWN!

STOP!

Congratulations! Your wish will
now come true in your age minutes.

Now follow this carefully...it
can be very rewarding!

If you repost this within the next 5 min.
something major that you've been wanting
will happen.

This is scary!

The phone will ring right after you repost!

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Bella's triplets by writer2013 reviews
Edward left Bella pregnant with triplets. Years later, he meets his daughter, Emilia. She is into dance and other girl stuff. Her brothers are also very protective of her. Will Edward be able to win back Bella's heart? And what about his kids?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 10 - Words: 7,457 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 5/26/2013 - Published: 5/16/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Picking Dandelions by HayleyBailey reviews
3 years ago, Edward made the biggest mistake of his life when he walked out on Bella because she told him she was pregnant. When he spots a little Bella with his green eyes walking on a soccer field towards him, he is determined to make everything right again. AH/AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 236 - Reviews: 490 - Favs: 323 - Follows: 302 - Updated: 3/7/2013 - Published: 7/28/2011 - Bella, Edward
Searching by TwilightMommyof4girls reviews
After Bella's 18th birthday, Edward is more protective, until he hurts her himself. He leaves, afraid of what he's done. The Cullens race after him. Bella alone and unknowingly PREGNANT. Edward is gone. Bella ran away. The Cullens are SEARCHING for both.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 73 - Words: 203,209 - Reviews: 2125 - Favs: 1,105 - Follows: 745 - Updated: 2/26/2013 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Bella, Edward
An Honorable Wife by WetRose reviews
Six months after Mulan 2. Mulan feels awfully strange one day and suddenly unleashes feelings she almost cannot control. Can Shang help her discover what is truly wrong? How will their families respond to the consequences in the time ahead?
Mulan - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,387 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 173 - Updated: 10/28/2012 - Published: 6/7/2010 - Mulan, Shang
Life As We Know It by Robstenfanpire reviews
Bella and Edward are married and are pregnant. Edwards family doesnt like Bella, see how they re-act to the baby news. ALL HUMAN. OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,828 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 156 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 7/24/2012 - Published: 11/15/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Her Return by XFriedxRiceX reviews
Mizuki left ten years ago. What happens when she comes back and she brings a surprise with her? Will everyone understand why she left? My 1st Fanfiction. On hiatus until further notice.
Hana-Kimi - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,221 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 7/23/2012 - Published: 8/20/2009 - Izumi S., Mizuki A.
All Roads Lead Straight Back To You by bashfulbellawannabe reviews
When a secretly pregnant Isabella walked out of Edward's life 4 years ago, he thought he'd never see her again. However, when he receives news that Bella's in a coma, and there is no one to watch her son, will Edward step into his "daddy shoes"? AH/AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 61 - Words: 161,365 - Reviews: 1625 - Favs: 980 - Follows: 1,026 - Updated: 9/21/2011 - Published: 8/3/2010 - Bella, Edward
Unexpected Visitors by Lourdes-Sunrise-Princess reviews
James, Albus and Lily Potter-while in their father's office-stumble upon an old time turner unaware of what it does. Now it has sent them back in time, exactly 38 years. Will they meet their grandparents? What adventures await?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 15,645 - Reviews: 245 - Favs: 228 - Follows: 301 - Updated: 8/22/2011 - Published: 2/11/2009 - Harry P., James S. P.
All we are by EndlessStarlight reviews
Five years ago Serena left New York, cutting all ties with those she left behind.However when a chance meeting means her friends are brought back into her life, how will they all react to her secret?
Gossip Girl - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 51,778 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 5/7/2011 - Published: 11/14/2010 - Serena, Nate
A Weeks Visit by The Fallen Dark Angel reviews
when Bella invites Jessica and Angela to spend a week at the Cullens home what will happen? will the secret be unvealed? how will they fair to seeing Renesmee? R&R plz.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 15,481 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 4/27/2011 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Angela, Jessica - Complete
You Are Not Alone by livesonacloudinthesky reviews
Harry thinks on his 16th birthday about his father & godfather. At the same time he sees a shooting star. Will this time something happen? Or will he stay in this nighmare he trys to escape?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 15,549 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 4/3/2011 - Published: 10/10/2010 - Harry P., James P.
i will always love you by gleeksinlove reviews
Sonny and Chad have been in a loving relationship for a year, we they decide to take the next step it comes with a consequence. Sonny decide she loves Chad to much to ruin his life so she runs back to Wisconsin.
Sonny with a Chance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,140 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 1/30/2011 - Published: 7/24/2010 - Chad D. C., Sonny M.
So Random! Reunion by Wisconsin-girl19 reviews
When everyone from So Random! gets together for the So Random Reunion Show, they are all surprized to see how each other's lives turned out.
Sonny with a Chance - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 21,956 - Reviews: 169 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 1/23/2011 - Published: 10/16/2010 - Sonny M., Chad D. C. - Complete
Unexpected Happiness by Hawkesey reviews
Eighteen years have passed since the events of Breaking Dawn. The Cullen's have just moved back to Forks, and Bella is taken ill. The only problem? Vampires don't get ill! What's wrong with her? All shall be revealed in Unexpected Happiness
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 25 - Words: 26,892 - Reviews: 451 - Favs: 263 - Follows: 187 - Updated: 1/2/2011 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Haunted by the Past by Mizz.H.Cullen reviews
Bella is a 21 year old transfer student to a college in Seattle. Five years ago she slept with Edward in a bar, and hasn't seen him since. What happens when the school's biggest player, turns out to be the same guy that Bella was trying so hard to forget? -DISCONTINUED-
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 64,114 - Reviews: 953 - Favs: 273 - Follows: 290 - Updated: 12/28/2010 - Published: 2/6/2010 - Bella, Edward
Magical Experience by EdwardCullen4President reviews
HPxover. Carlisle gets a letter from his old friends, Albus, asking for assistance to protect Hogwarts against the evil Voldemort. Soon, the Cullens and Jacob are off to Hogwarts. AT/AU. After BD & during OotP. Canon. E/B A/J Em/R C/Es HP/CC/GW RW/HG
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 44,768 - Reviews: 403 - Favs: 216 - Follows: 252 - Updated: 8/1/2010 - Published: 8/10/2008 - Edward, Bella
Advanced Protection by taylaymartinay reviews
the order of the phoenix realize that the only way to protect the children of the future is to bring them to hte past. lily and james are excited to meet their son for the first time, remus never intended for children, sirius is just happy not to have an.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Family/Fantasy - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,690 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 7/5/2010 - Published: 5/1/2010 - James P., Harry P.
I Can See You by Lady Honor reviews
Edward and Bella Cullen are happily married with a three year old daughter, Renesmee. Their whole lives are shattered when Edward gets a call from someone from his past. Bella and Nessie go into hiding, while Edward tracks the mysterious caller. Complete!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Family - Chapters: 19 - Words: 22,525 - Reviews: 118 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 6/25/2010 - Published: 12/22/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Parent Trap by kill me tomorrow reviews
Bella and Edward got divorced 15 years ago. Bella moved to England with her son and Edward stayed in Forks with his daughter. Little did they know, their son and daughter met during camp and are planning to get them back together. Usual pairings&All human
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 40,893 - Reviews: 312 - Favs: 182 - Follows: 214 - Updated: 5/28/2010 - Published: 2/27/2009 - Bella, Edward
Never Forgot You by LiveForeverAlways reviews
15 year old Bella and 17 year old Edward had been the perfect couple. On the night Edward leaves for college, they lose their virginity to each other. Nine moths later, Alexis Rose Cullen joined them. Two years Edward comes back, but he's not alone. AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,371 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 4/25/2010 - Published: 2/12/2010 - Bella, Edward
He left me by miss. swiss reviews
What happens when Edward leaves Bella before he knew she was pregnant?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 17 - Words: 19,401 - Reviews: 314 - Favs: 252 - Follows: 249 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 2/4/2009 - Bella, Edward
How Dare You by BURNING PIXIE reviews
Edward and Carlisle couldn't stand by and watch Bella die in Breaking Dawn so they took matters into their own hands and aborted the baby. Can Bella forgive them?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 14 - Words: 12,359 - Reviews: 494 - Favs: 164 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 2/19/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
21 things that the cullen's can't do by team sparkel fleas reviews
excatly what it says !
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 604 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 2/22/2010 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Emmett, Jasper
The Twilighter Times by Number-1- Twilighters reviews
Your online Twilight newspaper! Complete with recent news and other fun articles! We will give you all the things you need and want to know about Twilight! Articles include: Ask Alice, Twilight Hangman, Great Stories To Check Out, and a whole lot more!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 22 - Words: 48,443 - Reviews: 610 - Favs: 128 - Follows: 163 - Updated: 2/12/2010 - Published: 11/24/2008
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? The Cullens! by EdwardCullen-mybrandofheroin reviews
Join the Twilight characters as they all play on "who wants to be a Millionaire?" ...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,921 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 9/21/2009 - Published: 6/25/2009
Back At Forks High School by yalrac reviews
What happens when 100 years later the Cullen's come back to Fork High School. I know it's a stupid title but it was all i could think of.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 29 - Words: 63,557 - Reviews: 429 - Favs: 138 - Follows: 98 - Updated: 8/25/2009 - Published: 2/6/2009
Heart Break Island by CullenGirlz reviews
Edward left in new moon not knowing that Bella was pregnant. Jemima and Charlotte live on an isalnd with there mum and have always wanted to meet their dad. One day their dream comes true but not in the way they expect.OOC,OC
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 32 - Words: 35,339 - Reviews: 440 - Favs: 169 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 7/19/2009 - Published: 1/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Raising Naruto by Ellisama reviews
After surviving the sealing, Minato has to raise his son and lead his village on his own, while dealing with the loss of his wife. Enemy ninjas, evil paperwork and never ending counsil meetings, the ninja world is not a place for babies.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,534 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 7/19/2009 - Published: 3/12/2009 - Minato N., Naruto U.
Jordan Anthony Black by twilighterjustgotbetter reviews
What would happen if Bella fell pregnant after Edward left? Well lets go through her life and see how she handles it and what happens when she sees a familiar face? ExB eventually!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 10,343 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/30/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
This cant be happening again! by XXCullenXX reviews
Set after new moon. Edward leaves Bella and doesnt come back. Bella finds out that she is pregnant soon after. What will happen when she meets all the Cullens again 5 years later.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 81,650 - Reviews: 546 - Favs: 460 - Follows: 231 - Updated: 6/13/2009 - Published: 4/1/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Missing Daddy by PenName76 reviews
Renesmee wakes up to find Edward missing.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 18 - Words: 43,627 - Reviews: 756 - Favs: 474 - Follows: 229 - Updated: 6/12/2009 - Published: 9/28/2008 - Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Another guy by Applefromatree reviews
What if Bella got pregnant after the wedding and left Edward without telling him? What if she got changed and 17 years later they meet again? What if their son looked alot like Edward? AU of Breaking Dawn. Former EllyCullen
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 28 - Words: 35,079 - Reviews: 270 - Favs: 279 - Follows: 125 - Updated: 3/30/2009 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Family Beasts by Pen-Always-In-Hand reviews
Naruto and Gaara are married and each have a daughter. Their lives are peaceful, but what happens when Orochimaru and the Akatsuki get involved? What will happen?
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Horror - Chapters: 14 - Words: 7,480 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 3/25/2009 - Published: 2/28/2009 - Naruto U., Sakura H., Gaara - Complete
Changes by Forestrosesprite reviews
Edward returns to Forks after four years to find out just how much Bella's life as changed, and how much his own life will change. ExB. Epov. All Human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 10 - Words: 20,917 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 3/23/2009 - Published: 2/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Hello, my darling by edward.cullen.luv reviews
Before Edward left, Bella got pregnant and Edward never knew. When Edward meets his unknown daughter, what kinds of things will happen? R&R! rated just because.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,360 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 89 - Updated: 3/22/2009 - Published: 8/27/2008
JACOBS DEATH! by 1 Twilighter reviews
Jacob dieing in MANY diffrent ways! : If you like Jacob i advise you to NOT read this you may be emotionally scared.... Well we think there good stories.....
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 728 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/19/2009
Finding our everthing by Alicia.Maree reviews
Bella has a son, Anthony Masen Cullen. He is 7 years old. One day they go shopping, what happens at the shopping mall that changes there lives for the good? What will Edward think about his son? Is everything going to turn out?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 18 - Words: 16,616 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 159 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 3/15/2009 - Published: 10/24/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Baby Brother by MintiNeko reviews
Itachi meets his little brother for the first time. Utterly pointless Uchiha family fluff.
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 743 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 17 - Published: 3/3/2009 - Itachi U., Sasuke U. - Complete
Famous by twilightseries4life reviews
All human. Bella Swan and Edward Cullen are a famous hollywood couple. Edward and Bella need a break from all the hollywood madness so they get disguises and try to blend in at forks high. What will happen? Its already BxE but Give this a try.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 11,431 - Reviews: 281 - Favs: 167 - Follows: 154 - Updated: 3/2/2009 - Published: 9/11/2008 - Bella, Edward
Famous by mikenewtonisabadass reviews
This is twilighseries4life's story. She didn't want to continue so handed down the job to me - so that is why it starts at chapter 12! Basically, Edward and Bella are celebrities who disguise themselves at Forks High. But they aren't prepared for LAUREN!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Western - Chapters: 1 - Words: 846 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 64 - Published: 3/1/2009 - Bella, Edward
Back Home by mimzie reviews
Bella is pregnant. She thinks its better for Edward if she just disappears! But what happens three years later when she brings her daughter back to Forks?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 14 - Words: 21,276 - Reviews: 446 - Favs: 334 - Follows: 170 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 3/30/2008 - Complete
You Know You're Obsessed With Twilight When by Number-1- Twilighters reviews
You know you are! This is the list of things that us "Twilighters" do because of our obsession. Use it as your Twilight checklist. 1,000 reasons!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 23,069 - Reviews: 792 - Favs: 198 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 11/5/2008 - Published: 9/5/2008 - Complete
Pieces Of Dream by dytia reviews
Sequel to Fractured Dreams. 5 years later, Makino has a new life with Rui and her baby but what if Tsukasa came back into her life? Will Rui fight for Tsukushi's love? Or will Makino give Tsukasa a second chance? Chapter 4: Because of You
Hana Yori Dango - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,665 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 11/2/2008 - Published: 9/29/2006 - Tsukushi, Tsukasa
First Steps by hannah askance reviews
I could tell she missed him. I did, too. Why didn't he see it? Future NaruSaku. Edited as of July 18th, 2009. OOC stuff. I'd actually advise against reading.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,966 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Naruto U., Sakura H. - Complete
Undercover by Dark Huntress reviews
[Complete]I want to go to this school in America, I said. I knew my parents would disagree at first, but soon they would relent. I was going undercover. Undercover as a guy for the next for years. And I was looking forward to it 100 percent. TP GB
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 91,431 - Reviews: 184 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 5/25/2007 - Published: 11/14/2004 - Trunks, Pan - Complete
Fractured Dreams by dytia reviews
Doumyouji & Tsukushi got married but fate caused their marriage to crumble apart. Will Rui help them patch it up or will he worsen the situation? R n R please. COMPLETE Final Chapter: Choices
Hana Yori Dango - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,969 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 5/19/2005 - Published: 10/9/2004 - Complete
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Happy Birthday reviews
One-shot. To what I think happened after George lost Fred. Sucks at summaries. Read and Review!:D
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,200 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 6/5/2011 - Published: 6/4/2011 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
Wild Child: The Reunion reviews
Freddie and Poppy are married and has one son with another baby on the way. One day, Freddie and Poppy receives a letter of a reunion. Watch out as an unexpected visitor arrives. And see how they would confess. RATED: T. I'm paranoid.
Wild Child - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 18 - Words: 15,411 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 11/28/2010 - Published: 1/12/2010 - Freddy K., Poppy M. - Complete