Author has written 4 stories for Maximum Ride.
So, my profile is officially the most organised you will ever find. If you want random funny stuff, scroll up to half way through the scroll bar. If you want stuff about me, go to the top. If you want friends quotes, go to like, an inch down the scroll bar. Copy pastes are about a quarter of the way down, the perfect boyfriend is at the bottom, funny phobias and advice on how to do well at work are about a centimetre up from the bottom of the scroll bar. Quotes are about 5 or 6 centimetres up the scroll bar, and above those is the death of an old friend, common sense, and 'one for the girls!'. Above those, about two thirds of the way through, is stuff from angelzrpunknow's profile. Above that is fun things to do in elevators, walmart, and exams where you know you're going to fail anyway. Above that is proof that the human race has reached the limits of it's evolution, and funny stuff which tells you that you live in 2007. (Funny because we're now in '09.) Above those are signs of Max-Ride addiction, and also stupid stuff that I've done. Above that, Max Ride fan questions, and that's it! Note, there is now a quiz at the very end.
Hello! I'm so glad I found this! It took me like, 3 days to find the right button and when I did I accidentally deleted all my stuff on my profile, so I got really annoyed. But now I've found it again! Yay! So, this is pretty mush going to be like a diary for me, except I won't tell you guys really personal stuff 'cause I know there is the slimmest, faintest possible chance my friends might read it. But it will be a diary for me in the sense that I write stuff in you when I'm bored. I'll put all the boring diary-like stuff here though, so people can just skip sown to the good stuff if they want. So, I'm not gonna tell you my name, but you can call me...Jane. I like the name Jane, there's a girl in my class called Jane, she's really nice. I don't really know her though, so this will be a chance to get to know my inner Jane. It's a nice name, you know? Like, it's simple but not like, Kate. Kate's boring. Jane can be made into Janey for a little kid, and go back to Jane when you're older. Well, I'm 14 years old, I'm a Max Ride addict, and I go gooey for Fax. Well, I have to go now, so I'll see you later.
Ok, so I'm back now. Let's see, what to talk about... Um, We're about to have dinner, which is stir fried chicken, so good. I like food, but I have a lot of allergies, and I mean a lot. Please don't ask me to list them. My favourite food is probably... spring rolls. Oh, so good, so, so good. Especially with cranberry sauce to dip them in. My friends all think I'm weird, but it's ok, 'cause I know they're weird. Like, my friend goes in maths class, 'Well, you got that one wrong. 2+4 isn't 6, it's 8!'. We still mock her. She still blames it on the, 'summer heat'. Hehehe.
Back again! We had 2 internals today, one for maths and one for science. I'm kind of worried about maths, but I think science went ok. It's my friend's birthday tomorrow, and we were at my house after school making her present. I got a plain white shirt, and my friend and I were drawing on it with sharpies and gluing diamonds on and glitter gluing it all afternoon, but it was worth it, it looks soooo cool. We're gonna force her to wear it at her party, which is also tomorrow. I'm definately looking forward to it.
Hello again! Well. We still haven't gotten the marks back for either of our tests, but now we have one to do for English as well. We also have a less-important-but-still-important test for maths tomorrow. We get a lot of maths tests, 'cause it's the only subject we're doing a full course in. My friend liked the T-shirt, which I'm happy about. You know that friend I talked about earlier , who went, '2+4 isn't 6, it's 8!', yeah, well, in class today, (also maths class) we were doing this speed race thingy in our groups, and she's all, '30 divided by four! What the hell is 30 divided by 4!' and then she starts flapping her paper wildly, she's like, having this complete spazz, fanning herself with this piece of paper going at like, 20 mph. Sooooo funny, you had to be there. Turns out my other friend had given her the wrong answer to work off, as 30 isn't divisible by 4, which just made it even better. She did it twice in a row. She's made a pro now, it's Amatureangel, what a stupid ass name. Any way, if you wanna mock her, go right on ahead, and tell her you did it on my orders, she will be severely pissed.
Oh! I just worked out what, OOC means, I was thinking about it for weeks, and I only just figured it out. And the saddest part is yet to come. I actually had to type it into Google to figure it out. OOC, out of character. Duh! (Virtually hits self on head...) So, I just finished an English internal, a static image, based on the Novel, 'Roll of Thunder, Hear my Cry'. It was an ok book, but now that I've done an assesment on it, I understand it so much more. Another one of my friends has joined fanfic, (virtually pats self on back), her account is Tiarocks55555, but she doesn't write anything and she hasn't made a profile, so pretty much the only thing she does is read and review. Sigh, oh well. I'll start working on her, try to get her to write some fax fluff or something. That's fun.
Hey, sorry I haven't updated for so long, I um, well I, yeah, I don't really have an exuse. I got this idea for a new oneshot fic today, I'll probably write it up sometime as it'l only be a oneshot, and as you've probably seen i'm not capable of writing anything longer then a two-shot, I just get bored with them. It's gonna be based on a real life incident, but I'm gonna make it from Max's point of view, and I might even add in some of Fang's point of view. Should be interesting. Anyway, I just added a whole heap of crap down the bottom, which is all quite funny. Som eof it's on here twice, but I couldn't be bothered filtering out the doub;ed up stuff. live with it. I found most of it on Lark4560's profile, go check it out, some of it's really funny. Ooh! More news! Just as I was about to leave you... in my last post I mentioned good 'ol Tiarocks55555, AKA Gemma, who's my mate. She's now started writing her first fic, and she's actually still going with it, it's like, 8 chapters now or something. Yay! I also have 2, no, 3 other friends who have joined up because of my charms, localisedmorphia, amatureangel, who I mentioned before, and one who has already forgotten her account name. What a clever little cookie she is.
Hi again, ok, you know my friend, amatureangel, the one who had the spaz fit and said, '2 plus 4 isn't 6, it's 8!', know her? Yeah, today in class, also maths, she must have some sort of problem with maths class or something, anyway, in maths I was trying to explaing an algebraic expession to her and I go, 'ok, so 18 divided by 2 is...' and she goes, '6!' and I like, burst out laughing, and then she figured out why, so she was laughing too, and then, in between breaths she says, 'I-meant-3!'. HAHAHAHA, oh, my goshims, it took her ages to get the correct answer out, and by then we were both doubled over in laughter. Quite hilarious. Anyway, MR5 is officially out here now, and it was SOOOOOO much better then the 4th. If you don't wanna here the spoilers, Isuggest you stop reading now. OMG, they finally hooked up! They took their freaking time! They took longer tehn my two friends Tiarocks55555 and a certain boy by the name of David, who STILL aren't together, even though they both REALLY like each other. Tsk. But anyway, MR5, they make out 5 times! 5! And she doesn't run away once!! Sigh, if only Fang was real. We had to do an english brainstorm of the pros and cons of genetic engineering, and I wrote, 'Fang could actually exist'. Sigh. I will be back, eventually.
Bah! Big news! Super big news! You know how I've been going on a bit about how Tiarocks55555 likes a guy called David? Yeah, well, thanks to my friends and I and our medeling abilities, he asked her out! Yayyayayayayayayayayyay! They now go out, and they are SOOOOO cute together!
Hi again! Sorry my last update was really short but my sister needed teh computer for her classic's internal. So, about Tiarocks55555, how's about we just call her Tia for short, ok? Anyway, they're going on a date today, and the other day, when we were at our friend amatureangel's place, they were all cuddled up on the couch taknig up like, a quater of the couch. Sihg, so cute, they had only been going out for three days, but they had they're arms around each other and he was feeding her potato chips! Aww. You have no idea how much crap I got from Tia about my last post. But, there's even more gossip! Two of my other friends, the one that forgot her acount name, and one who's not on here, we'll call them... Kate and Bob. Well, last year, Bob asked kate out, but she said no 'cause her parents would kill her, but apparently they've been going out in secret for quite a long period of time, which I am not allowed to state, but now they're official! Only they've never been on a date and they don't sit next to each other in any of our classes and Bob doesn't usually hang out with us at lunch time unless he needs to copy our homework, so my friend and I are going to impliment our meddeling abilities again and get him to ask her on a date. Aww. So sweet. There's only one problem though, there's no more guys in our group. Oh well.
Ha! Ok, back to the original happy couple, Gemma and David, (I'm only saying her name 'cause she put it on her pro) AKA Tiarocks55555, went on a date, and he kissed her! DO NOT TELL HER I SAID THIS. She nearly killed me after the last couple of posts I put up, but it was SOOO worth it to see her reaction. My other friend, what was it? Oh yeah, Bob and Kate, yeah, well, neither of them know that I posted about them, and neither of them are gonna. Are they (threatening tone...). Aww, the wonderful world of coupledom!
Ha! Gemma is talking to me on MSN right now, she nearly had a heart attack after my last post. Turns out she gave it to David to read too. Which just makes my life wonderful at the moment, being on the top of two peoples', 'so gonna kill you' list. Oh well, it was so worth it to see her reaction. Daivd made an account too, it's called, 'Devious Theodias', which I think is a stupid name, but I don't know what it means. Oh well. We have mid-year exams next week, english tomorrow. Oh joy.
Hi again. Well, we've all succesfully finished our exams. Well, succesfully might be taking it a bit far. We all passed with good marks, except for in history. The entire class failed except for 1 person, and she wants us to change to geography next week. What a great teacher she is, (note my sarcasm). I would like to say that I got excellence in my english exam, and was the only one in the class to do so, (you know, not, like, GLOATING or anything!). Yeah, I also got the highest possible mark in maths, but that just happened to be either a pas or a fail, and I passed. Umm, we're all going to the movies tomorrow, we're going to see, 'Mall Cop'. Oh, the joys. I am telling you, it is NOT my choice of movie, and I am not impressed at being forced to see it. Also, I know they're gonna try and get us to shop, so if they do, Gemma and I are going off to Borders until the movie starts. I will also let you know, shopping is not my favourite passtime. With me it's usually like, get in, get out, as fast as possible. I'm also gonna have to beck my folks for some money, 'cause atm I'm flat broke after forking out for a new phone, (I lost my old one...).
So, good day today, last day of school tomorrow (yay!). Well, Gemma and David are coming up to 2 months soon, I showered them with flower petals yelling, 'scream for love! Scream in the name of love!' and singing, 'love is in the air, doo doo doo doo doo doo...'. They did not appreciate that. Oh well, it was really funny. I've started watching Scrubs, my didter got leant the first four seasons from her friend, and I sort of caught on. More news, my big sis has gone to Wellington for 5 days, meaning I get the computer all to myself! Yay! I had this really good idea for Gemma and David's second date, actually, I'm not gonna put it up here, incase Gemma reads it. (I know you're there Gem!). Anyways. Byes!
STUFF ABOUT ME
Normal is just a setting on washing machines. And don't EVER forget it!!
Okay, here goes...
Favorite series: Harry Potter
Favorite series at the moment: Maximum Ride
Name: Yeah, like I'm gonna tell you
Friends: The best ones in the world! (If you think you have a better one you can post him/her over if you want)
Crush: Sigh, ok, I'm finally going to admit it, I like #&@#. Oops, looks like the computer blocked it. Sucks for you.
I do NOT like Figgy.I also do not like Fudge. Too weird, plus we all know Fang and Max were made for each other. JP just hasn't admitted it to himself yet. I like Niggy, Eggy, and above all, the best greation of man and woman kind, the sublime reality, the divine creation, the pinnacle of evolution, Fax. ( I go gooey for Fax.) I wish JP would just cut to the chase though aye? Like, I like all the careful flattery in denial, stuff like 'I looked into his eyes, those beautiful eyes...No damnit! this is Fang We're talking about! I don't like him!'. But for four books? The fith one hasn't come out in NZ yet so please don't ruin it for me.
MAXIMUM RIDE FAN QUESTIONS:
1. Do you think Iggy is hot?
Sure. But not nearly as hot as Fang. Iggy's sort of a back-up.
2. Did you cry when Ari died?
Nope. Only ever cried once in a book. Twas a very sad book indeed. To be honest, I don't really feel all that sorry for Ari.
3. Do you think Fang is hot?
Uhh... Tough question... DUH!
4. How do you pronounce Ari's name?
5. Do you laugh every time you read the name Mr. Chu?
6. -SPOILER ALERT- In MAX, did you laugh hysterically when Total started talking about marriage?
7. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you squeal at all the faxness in MAX?
8. Did you angrily throw your book across the room when the flock split up?
NEVER throw a book. EVER.
9. Who is your favorite character?
10. Do you like Jeb?
No. To quote Max's thoughts at the end of book 5, 'majorly confusing.'
11. -SPOILER ALERT- Were you making a genuine "WTF" face when Max and Fang grew gills?
I was like, 'wait, what?'
12. Did you think MAX was better than TFW?
13. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you get slightly fed up with Nudge and Angel's slight attitudes in MAX?
Not so much Nudge, she had a good reason to want her wings chopped off and all that, but with Angel, I was like, 'Ok, you're 7 now. Doesn't mean you can lead the flock. Doesn't mean you can turn into a complete snooty little brat. Which, I hate to say it, but she was.'
14. Which book is your all time favorite?
Of the Max-Ride series? Probably MAX, just because they spoiler FINALLY hooked up.
15. If the flock had a theme song, what would it be?
Something by Three Days Grace. I don't actually like their music all that much, like, it's ok, I guess, but it's really suited for the books.
16. Have you ever imagined the flock as a band playing whatever song comes up when listening to your iPod?
17. Who do you think the voice should be?
Someone we don't know. I personally don't think Jimmy P's ever gonna tell us who it is.
18. Do you think one or more members of the flock should learn to play an instrument?
Not in the books, no. It would just be entirely impracticle.
19. What bugged you the most about TFW?
To quote Saint, 'Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming, Global Warming...Did I mention Global Warming?'
20. MIGGY or FAX?
Fax. Duh. Goes without saying. Plus, with the outcome of MAX... Anyway, Miggy's just gross. And improbable.
FUNNY FRIENDS QUOTES!
I don't really like writing, I'm more of the read, reread, and reread a thousand times more kind of type, although I do know a bit of poetry. Stuff like,
'Roses are red, violets are blue, you think this will rhyme, but it won't.' Haha, I like that one.
A friend lends you her umbrella in the rain, a best friend steals yours and yells, 'RUN BITCH, RUN!' Whilst running as fast as possible in the opposite direction, my friends and I go hide in my ex-maths teacher's class room.
A friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is sitting next to you in the cell saying, 'THAT WAS FREAKING AWESOME! WE ARE SOOOOOO DOING THAT AGAIN NEXT WEEKEND!', my friends would be ranting on to each other about how stupid I am, and taking videos on their mobile phones whilst laughing and pointing at me.
A good friend will help you learn to drive, a best friend will help you roll the car into the lake so you can collect insurance. My friends were sitting in the back of the car screaming and clutching at each other, screaming, 'BRAKE! BRAKE! HIT THE BRAKE!' whilst I was in the front with both feet off the pedals, both hands in the air screaming, 'WHAT DO I DO?! While I drove my mate's grandad's car into her fence.' (Lol, this actually happened while I was at Shortie's farm. Oops...)
A friend can come to your home unannounced, a best friend can walk in saying, 'I'm ho-ome!', my friends are too scared to come to my home.
Friends are like bras, close to your heart and there for support
A true friend thinks that you are a good egg even if you are slightly cracked.
A great one liner from my friend and I when we were walking, 'No, your a chipmunk on reverse helium!'. Lol.
And another one from Gemma in geography the other day, 'So, what are we actually doing?'. Funny. She'd been doodling. I don't blame her, geo's soooooooooo boring, but not as bad as science, which is a shame, as it's a really interesting subject, but we just happened to get a sucky teacher 2 years in a row. Oh well.
We're the kind of friends that laugh, try to figure out why we're laughing, and laugh harder because we forgot. (Soooo me and my friend, who's name I will not mention but you know who you are.)
A friend gives you an alibi, a good friend helps you hide the body, my friends would be the ones who dumped the body on me and ran.
A friend will help feed you when you break both your arms, a best friend will help you wipe. My friends would be running, 'cause they broke my arms, and my casts woul dbe heading for their heads.
My friends smash the window screaming, 'OI! WHY'D YOU SHUT US OUT?!' when everyone else shuts the door.
A friend will ride in the limo, a best friend will ride in the bus with you when the limo breaks down, my friends would be trying to fix the limo, and laughing their asses off as they go.
Friends are the sailors who guide your rickety boat safely across the dangerous waters of life, my friends are the ones plugging up the holes.
"A true friend stabs you in the front."
A friend will help you escape from your burning house, a best friend will know what to save. My friends would be making smores over the fire and hitting on the hot firemen.
"Friends are God's ways of apologizing for our families."(Too true.)
Man I love my friends. If any of you are reading this, (which you should be, damn it!)I looove you! Especially if you're reading this!
This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! (I don't even want to know how many I have done)
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
The things in bold are all the stupid things I have done... Wow...That's a lot...
You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When...
1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
If you're one of those people who get excited when you get 2 reveiws copy and paste this into your profile!
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever ran into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you read Maximum Ride School's Out - Forever in under 5 hours copy this into your profile. (DUH! Took me like, 2)
If you have/ wish you had a dog, and wish he could talk like Total, copy this onto your profile.
If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you think paper scissors rock solves everything then put this in your pro!
If you've ever read/started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile. (Tia!)
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.
If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If random songs just pop into your head at any given momet, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorph version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family ect. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you can't figure out if these copy and paste things bug you or if you love them, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've accidentally called one of your sblings or friends Fang, Max, Iggy, Gazzy, Nudge, Angel or Total copy and paste this is you profile
If your friend(s) think you’re crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog) and you don’t care copy and paste this is your pro
If every time someone asked you about what maximum ride was about you got a crazy look from them saying am-I-really-hanging-out-with-you type of look and you don’t care copy and paste this in your pro
if you'll take first watch copy and paste this is you profile (if you don't get it READ MAXIMUM RIDE!!)
IF YOU MAKE RANDOM FISHY FACES AT PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW COPY AND PASTE THIS IS YOU PRO
IF IGGY'S YOUR LITTLE BLIND PYRO COOKER COPY AND PASTE THIS IS YOUR PROFILE
Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. (And cracks. And desks. And chairs. And loose floorboards. And door frames. And air. And...)
92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.
If you think Fang is hot...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you think Fang is a God of the hoties with wings copy and paste this onto your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. (All the time.)
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile (See above)
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile
If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile
If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile (Lol, Kate...)
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile. (Not down. Up.)
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile (People that see me probably think I'm abused. I walk into doors like a normal person drinks water. It's like I'll die if I don't.)
If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever burst out laughing in a silent room because of something that happened at least 12 hours ago, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I had to...)
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
If you've ever imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this into your profile
IF YOU ARE ON A MAJOR SUGAR RUSH RIGHT NOW COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE
~pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile
if someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile! (Been over this)
If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile. (Run, Forrest, Run!)
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy & paste this into your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name wrong...copy and paste this onto your profile.
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior, bright black stars, StormDragon666, Sasuke's 2 Child Sayuri Uchiha, silver cherryblossom BrightRubyEyes, Crazii Kimmy Girl,Angelz on edge, HermioneGranger1993, Twilightluvr, malabsorbent
If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile
If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile. (Like, every day. Not even joking. Nearly gave myself a concussion about a week ago)
If you don't watch Laguna Beach, the O.C., or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. (To be honest, I've never heard of any of those.)
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile
if you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile
If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile (it's growing)
If you are SO obsessed with Maximum Ride that it is not even FUNNY anymore, post this in your profile.
If you think Max and Fang should confess their love for each other, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you love the whole blind, pyro, mutant, baker thing about Iggy, post this in your profile.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.
If you know how to spell and always remember the names of authors that you read over a year ago and haven't read since, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you want to see Maximum Ride (the movie) on the first day it comes out, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile. (SO NOT IMPOSSIBLE! I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN DO IT!!)
If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile.
If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance thought imposible to choke on), copy this in your profile.
REMEMBER WHEN ..
Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now
If you thought this was funny, but true paste this to you profile!i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile. (I already knew this, but anything to make my pro longer :D)
And my all time personal favourite copy-paste, which I got from Saint's profile: 92 percent of American teens would die if Fang told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would tell Fang to get over himself and then shove him back in your basement where he belongs. Then, you would resurrect the 92 percent of overzealous fangirls and use them as your zombie army to take over Canada and rename it Canadia where you would rule as Queen with Fang by your side as your extremely hot king who has no real political power except to stand there and make you look good.
You know you live in 2007 when...
1. You go to a party, sit down and take MySpace pics.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace.
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer. (And afternoon. And morning. It's quite sad really.)
7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.
8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.
9. You were too busy to notice number five.
10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.
11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.
12. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did.
13. You're sad because you fell for it and think you have to put it on ur pro
PROOF THAT THE HUMAN RACE HAS REACHED IT'S LIMITS OF EVOLUTION:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...raise your hand if you've tried this)
15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS:
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
FUN STUFF TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR:
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
WEIRD STUFF THAT MAKES YOU THINK...
The toothfairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.
Show me a girl with both feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show some one who can't put her pants on
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.
Backstabbing is fun... the look on your face is priceless
Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it
I snap crackle and pop rice krispies.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Workin' hard or hardly workin'?
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly
I say we shoot Cupid and see how he likes it.
I believe that dragons unicorns and sporks do exsist.
The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.
Behold the mighty...chihuahua?
When you look at the sky do you see a cloud or a dinosaur in a tutu?
Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.
He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.
Snot is brain juice leaking out of your nose.
If you're really my friend, I'll probably make jabs at you. It's all in good fun. But don't confuse jabs with insults. Insults involve actual dislike.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies." (TOO FREAKING TRUE!)
"He who laughs last thinks slowest and he who laughs first doesn't get it."
"Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought"
"Welcome to the Ool. There's no "p" in it, lets keep it that way." (Lol...)
Every time a guy ignores me, I know it’s just because he’s a vampire in love with me, and he is too polite to drink my blood. (of course)
Did you know that they have Bill Nye the Science Guy under T.V. shows and that ten people have written stories for it? (11 now.)
What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.
I'm an optimistic pessimist.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Your multiple personalities are freaking out my imaginary friend!
It takes 48 muslces to frown but only 14 to flip some one off.
I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.
I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive
I'm the kinda girl who always falls for the sidekick, always.
Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Who ever said 'nothing is impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door.
(Like you don’t gasp every time you see a silver Volvo.)
I wish my lawn was emo... then it could cut itself.
Strangers have the best candy.
You stare because I’m different...(0.0) ('.') ('.') ('.')I stare because you're all the same.
Your epidermus is showing!
I do what ever my rice Krispes tell me to.
You dropped your pocket.
I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny.
Harry is my Homeboy.
Its all gouda.
I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his 'time of the month'.
My imaginary friends are jealous of my voices.
When Edward goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Harry Potter.
You cry. I cry. You laugh. I laugh. You jump off a bridge. I laugh.
I'm not fat. I'm just short for my weight.
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
Your chances of being struck by lightning go up if you stand on a hill beneath a tree raise your fist to the sky and shout, 'Storms Suck!'
'We're gonna kick Luke and Titian ass.' 'What? Luke has a tight ass?'
Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history
Can I borrow your pen? I need to stab you in the eye.
Your year book picture still haunts me.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
All was well until Voldemort and Vader started discussing which was better, magic or The Force.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.
Don't try to out-weird me-- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast ceral.
Don't you look at me with that tone of voice.
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
Shakespear must have had a lot of one-night-stands because anyone who can make suicide romantic had to be a smooth talker.
Love can be soo boring
Many a grandchild was spoiled because you simply cannot spank Grandpa.
Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
Ahh pure love (smiles wistfully) It makes me sick.
You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?
Fanfictions aren't everything... but they're right up there with oxygen.
Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Colin.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.
You say crazy like it's a bad thing...
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
They laugh because we're losers...We laugh because they just figured it out.
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
(said during baseball game) Anything going that fast should have seatbelts and a flight attendant
Stop with your premeditated spontaneity
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit.
If it wasnt for physics and law inforcement I'd be unstoppable.
How come we drive on a parkway and park on a drive way?
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
A computer password is like a toothbrush: Change it every six months and don't share with anyone else
On the down side I now am registered for things I don't want to be and I find my self paying for things I didn't buy and the up side I won Aol's most creative password
I trippped over a wireless phone
Remember students, all Voldemort really needs is a hug.
They say ignorance is bliss; I would rather be blissfully ignorant then know THAT.
Never say 'things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge
The world is big enough for Werewolves AND Wizards. (And Avian-Americans)
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
Why are the Force and duct tape the same? Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.
People say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
I'm easily distrac- Look, Harry Potter fanfic's!!
Emily is not the wolf girl. I am.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. (But then you can say, sex before sleep...')
I'm a big fan of letting my imagination run wild. There's always a chance it won't come back, but it always has, and usually with an odd scent attached to it.
If you're looking for sympathy, it's right between 'shit' and 'syphilis' in the dictionary.
I will temporarily rule the world, forever.
Aww heck no, I didn't kill him.
Everyday I think people can't get any stupider. Everyday I am proven horribly wrong.
Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.
Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.
If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.
In an average room there are about, 120,496 objects a Ravenclaw can use to kill you. Including the room itself.
I have the kind of friends that if my house was burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen.
Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that frisbee getting bigger?'... then it hits me
I wanted to be a warrior like you, not a damsel in this dress.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."
Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!
So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.
If you cry, I cry. If you laugh, I laugh. If you fight, I got your back. If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall. If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!"
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
If I asked for your oppinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.
I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage.
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
I know at least one person who would love to push me down the stairs
Music is my boyfriend.
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh,he just took a wrong turn,got lost,and is to stubborn to ask directions.
I'm here because Heaven wouldn't take me, and Hell was afraid I'd take over.
Fanfiction...Beacuse it's cheaper then therapy.
There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, and they've seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
Ohh look its a bird, it's a plane, it's... an egg salad sandwich
Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.
Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door. (Or nailing jelly to the wall)
Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it.
I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
I'm so gangsta, I carry a squirt gun.
Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. (Soooo true)
Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."
The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train. (No. The light at the end of the tunnel is a reminder of why the hell you're in a tunnel)
If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk!
Excuse me... have you seen my sanity?... I think I lost it.
Do not attempt to follow my footsteps. I walk into a lot of walls. (Too ruddy true...)
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
You can't spell awesome without ME!
A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
'If you are first you are first. If you are second you are not in first.' (No.. Really?)
I was normal before I met you!
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.(Haha, this made me laugh.)
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I say, when life gives you lemons, make apple juice and laugh at the looks people give you.
'I'm not moving backwards, I'm just moving forwards in another direction.' (That one was me)
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my roof!
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Wrinkles merely show where smiles have been.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
If I went to Hogwarts, and got sent to Dumbledore's office, I would so skip down the hallway and sing, 'I'm off to see the wizard...' LOL!
Life was so simple when boys had cooties.
"Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."
"I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."
You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, bitch.
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder.
Every time you open your mouth, you get in trouble. Alternatively, just stick up your middle finger under the table.
I have reviews from teens and you don't. In your FACE James Patterson.
There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry.
Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary.
Nine of the ten Voices in my head think I'm sane. The tenth is undecided.
Growing older is manditory. Growing up is optional.
When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.
You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had.
Yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet.
"We may not make good decisions But hell, we make good stories."
"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "
"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "
"Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face, when you push them down a flight of stairs. "
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.""
Arc, don't mock my grammar, you know this is all copy-pasted...
This is from angelzrpunknow's profile:
If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
if you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window!
if two wrongs don't make a right, try three
borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back!
there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't. (LOL! Took me so long to figure this out!)
if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?
if quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'
whise cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
how is it possible to have a civil war?
if a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware?
Can you make a candle out of your earwax?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
Are marbles made of marble?
Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?
If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??
Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?
Can mute people burp?
What happens if you put 'this side up' face down while popping microwave popcorn?
Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?
How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?
If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?
Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?
Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why does shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
If you're sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?
Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why is a square meal served on round plates?
Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?
Which way does a compass point in space?
Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why did Mary own a little lamb?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?
If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?
Why are Pringles curved?
What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?
Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?
If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?
Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?
If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?
Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?
Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number? (intresting...)
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? (lol, Captain Terror...Gazzy...)
If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying their products?
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?
Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?
What did Noah do with the wood peckers on the arc?
MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. (As in me!!)
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be
stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those
who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he
will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty.
ONE FOR THE GIRLS!!
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man: Is this seat empty?
Man: Your place or mine?
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
(whispers in ear) hey guys guess what...( screams) I GOT A JAR OF DIRT I GOT A JAR OF DIRT AND GUESS WHAT'S INSIDE IT!!
DEATH OF AN OLD AND TRUE FRIEND: (Stole this and the quotes below from St Fang's profile)
I got this from Saint, who got it from Randomitis Sufferer, who got it from BellaRide28. This is so true:
One of my best friends died recently; I'm really upset. He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. My friend was a paragon of amazing. His name was Common Sense. I am sorry to inform you of his demise. Mourn with me.
Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies…
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
Rest In Peace, my old friend.
Max: "Will you quit that?"
Gasman: "What does that mean" (points to a sign that says, 'Stay Off the Third Rail!')
Fang: "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What've you been eating, rocks?"
Fang: "Can I interest you in a bit of raw desert rat?"
Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parents?"
The Gasman: "This is nice. It's like summer camp."
Max: “I’m okay now. Maybe it’s a stomach bug or something.” Yeah, the kind of stomach bug that causes brain cancer.
Max: “Sixty dollars?”
Fang: “Yes! Freaks rule.”
Mike: “Where’s your gear?”
Random Person: “Is this a movie?”
Dean: “Max, we want to help you. But you’ve got to help us to. Fair is fair.”
Max: “He’s gonna be fine.”
Max: “Of course, the prince gets his own bed all to himself.”
Iggy: “Max? Can I come in?”
Max: “Something’s wrong with me, but I don’t know what.”
The Gasman: (In Mr. Pruitt’s voice) “You ignorant little sah-vages. You malignant little fiends.” (Then in Max’s voice) “But sir, our parents are missionaries. Lying is the Tenth Commandment. They’re innocent of all wrongdoing. What’s a stink bomb?”
Fang: “So I guess we just kiss the world good-bye.”
Max: “Fang! This is a huge break! Of course we should go check it out!”
Fang: “Holy (insert a swear word of your choice here).”
Max: “Did you know that wasn’t me, the other Max?”
Max: “Lay off the freaking horn!”
Max: “We’ll be like cavemen, trying to weave clothes out of plant fibers. We’ll have nothing! Nothing! All because you and the kids want to kick back in a La-Z-Boy during the most important time in history!”
Iggy: “Look, just because Max isn’t here doesn’t mean all the rules have gone out the window. She left me in charge, and I’m gonna make sure to do everything she would –” (Tries to hold a straight face then cracks up)
Max: “What the heck are you doing?”
Fang: “We’re going to pretend nothing’s going on? That’s stupid. The only way to deal with any of this is to get it out in the open.”
Dr. Martinez: “Fang? Are you – like Max?”
Max: “So, you have your price. Your soul for a cookie.”
Fang: “You still want to do this? Bark once for yes.”
Max: “What I said yesterday didn’t mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!”
Max: “What I said yesterday didn’t mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!”
Fang: “There is one bright side to this.”
Jeb: “Any nausea? Headache?”
Jeb: “The truth is, Max, nothing is as it seems.”
Ter Borcht: “You haf a malfunctioning chip, you get debilitating headaches, and your leadership skills are sadly much less than ve had hoped for.”
Ter Borcht: “Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?”
Ter Borcht: “Do you haf any qualities dat distinguish you in any way?”
Ter Borcht: “Does anysing on you vork properly?”
Ter Borcht: “You don’t speak much, do you?”
Gazzy: (in ter Borcht’s voice) “I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahrs!”
Max: “Now, let’s say they come get us.”
Ter Borcht: “It is time to eliminate you. You haf failed all de tests. You are not useful.”
"I vill now destroy da snickahs bahrs!" -Gazzy
"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy
"We were in a top-secret facility in the middle of Death Valley, officially called 'Freaking Nowhere' on any map, and yet he managed to produce marshmallows." -Max
"I had never, ever wanted to kill anyone more, not even last summer when Iggy had shredded my only, favorite pair of non-Goodwill pants to make a fuse long enough to detonate something from fifty feet away." -Max
"Let's get out of here. A Ouija board just told me to save the world." -Max
"In this store, he'd exchanged his basic black ensemble for a slightly different basic black ensemble." -Max
"Hmm. Clear vainilla notes, too sweet chocolate chips, distinct flavor of brown sugar. A decent cookie, not spectacular. Still, a good-hearted cookie, not pretentious." -Max
"Note to self: stop punching inanimate objects." -Max
"Nudge is a great kid, but that motormouth of hers could turn Mother Teresa into an ax murderer." -Max
"Yeah, this is what we needed. A staircase going down to the Dark Place." -Fang
"Just walk. Keep walking. Walk the walk." -Max
"That fat guy could make a movie - like Bowling for Columbine or something." -Iggy
"Senator Dude, um, we have a problem with these sicko scientists." -Fang
"Note to self: give subconscious a pep talk re: better dreams." -Max
“It was you or him. I’m glad you picked you.” –Fang
“Here. Have a dog.” –Max
“You... are... a... fridge... with... wings. We’re... freaking... ballet... dancers.” –Fang
“Boy, you just can’t kill people like you used to.” –Fang
“They were bad fliers. And in their minds, they weren’t all 'Kill the mutants', like they usually are. They were like, 'Remember to flap!'” –Angel
“And how do you spell that?” –FBI investigator
“Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren’t missionaries.” –FBI investigator
“Have you ever been to Colorado?” –FBI investigator
“I wanted to grab the front of his shirt, throw him against the wall, get some answers. But I’m trying to outgrow that kind of thing.” –Max
“So, Fnick, can I change the channel? There’s a game on.” –Iggy
"I look like prep school Barbie. Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just Barbie's friend." -Nudge-MaximumRide-SOF
"Those wacky Brits called fries 'chips'. And potato chips were 'crisps'. And cookies were 'biscuits'. I had no idea what real biscuits were called. Wangdoodles?" ~Max-MR-StWaOES
Jeb turned to her. "She's incorruptible." Bully for me. "At least by power." I said. "You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes" ~Max and Jeb-MR-Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports.
"I'm hit, Max. They got me. I guess I'm gonna live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse, huh?" Okay. In my experience, if you're really hit or seriously hurt, you don't say much. -Total and Max-MAX
Fang swerved closer to me, big and supremely graceful, like a black panther with wings. Oh, God. I'm so stupid. Forget I just said that. -Max-MAX
"What's your name?" "Isabella von Frankenstein Rothschild." -Angel answering Steve-MAX
"I'm only a kid! I can't get married!" "You could in New Hampshire." -Max and Angel-MAX
"South America. It'll be warm. They have llamas. You like llamas." -Max-MAX
"Optimism is overrated, Max. Its better to face realitly head-on." -The Voice-SOF
"Have you guys been playing in the toxic waste again? Been bitten by a radioactive spider? Struck by lightning? Drink a super-soldier serum?" -Fang-FW
"Your middle name is 'Charging Off.'" -Total-MAX
"I choose you, Max" Fang-MAX (This quote makes me laugh. Why? Because I keep picturing Fang throwing a Pokeball and having Max pop out of it. Pokemon ruined my brain as a child...)
"'We look identical. She even had identical scars and scratches. She was wearing my clothes. How could you tell us apart?' (Max)
"'You were designed to be very smart, Max,' she told me. 'We electrically stimulated your synaptic nerve endings while your brain was developing.' (The director)
"Fang, are you--like Max?"(Dr. Martinez) "Nope, I'm the smart one."(Fang)STWAOES
"'Fang, Fang, Fang, I love you thiiiis much!'(Max) 'Oh, jeeze.'"(Fang)
"Opps, guess they forgot to prograhm us with respect for authority."(Max)
"There, decades of psycho logic picked apart in three secongs by an eleven-year-old. Take that modern science!"(Max)
"He permitted himself a small grin. Max had always teased that the Flock had voted Fang 'Most Likly to Become a Cult Leader.'"(Fang's thoughts)
HARRY POTTER QUOTES!
"It's lucky it's dark...I haven't blushed so much since Madame Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."
"I believe misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat."
"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
"I want to fix that in my memory forever, Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."-Ron-HP-GoF
"Aaaah, when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born."-Ron-HP
"Give her hell from us, Peeves."-Fred and George-HP-OotP
"We could be killed, or worse, expelled." -Hermione Granger in first movie. Can't remember if it was in the book.
"So, people, let's try to calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners. One simple test: check whether the thing thats glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do." -Fred Weasly- Deathly Hallows
"Just because you have the emotinol range of a tespoon doesn't mean we all do, Ronald." Hermione Granger
"'You do know what you need to do? Right after we get back to the castle?'(Hermione) 'Yeah. Give Ron a good kick up the--'(Harry)"
The spiders!! They want me to tap dance! I don't wanna tap dance!- Ron
"Viktor I love you. Viktor I do. When we're apart my heart beats only for you." - Fred and George and Harry I think.
"okay, okay...Flint nearly kills the Gyffindor seeker...which could happen to any one I'm sure." - Lee Jordan in a quidditch game.
"I got a jar of dirt I got a jar of dirt and guess what's inside it!!" Johnny Depp
To quote Steve Biko (a very famous anti-aparthied activist) in a courtroom, JUDGE: 'Why do you people call yourselves black? You're more brown then black.' BIKO: 'Why do you people call yourselves white? You people are more pink then white.'
A quote from Saint, it's not direct but w/e: 'You may be wondering how I managed to survive the 200 foot fall, well, it's MY story, darn it, MINE! If I want to fall off the top of Mt Everest and land in a bed of marshmallows, I can!'
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." ~ Anonymous
"Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." ~ Anonymous
"Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt'?" ~ Anonymous
Everything in here is edible. Even me. But that, dear children, is called cannibilism and is frowned upon in most societies.~Willy Wonka
"Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic..." ~ Anonymous
"Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.'" ~ Anonymous
"I love those kind of moments. I like to wave at them as the rush by." ~Jack Sparrow~
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush
There is no French equivalent to the word, 'entrepreneur'. George W Bush. (It's a French word)
"Happiness is just around the corner!" Person #1
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole. (You learn which games to play and which games not to play with me.)
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat (DAMN IT! I CANNOT BELIEVE I FELL FOR THAT!!)
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity. (i would be but...2 l8)
Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic. (OH NO THE GARLIC IS EATING ME)
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. (i hate that it takes like hours to get it off)
Bibliophobia- Fear of books. (ahh its all wordy and paper filled!!)
Chaetophobia- Fear of hair. (its all hairy and long ahhhh!)
Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors. (hmm so would everything be white or black? cause in light black is the absence of color and whit is all colors. but in like paint black is all colors and whit is the apsence of color!)
Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch. (he is all dutchy eww!)
Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc. (Sorry can't be friends with you I'm afraid of you!)
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers. (I would be afraid of me to)
Ergophobia- Fear of work. (That's me, I definitaly have this phobia)
Gerontophobia- Fear of old people. (Uggh there so old and wrinkly!!)
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. (Ok, who is the horribly mean person who came up with that name! It's like 'hi I have a phobia but I'm afraid of the word that desribes it.')
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news. (AHHHHH! you're getting married. Ahhh! I won 20 million dollars, ahhh!)
Nomatophobia- Fear of names. (Hi I'm afraid of my name so I' not going to tell u it oh and don't tell be yours unless you like seeing me curled up screaming)
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything. (Ahhh soup. Ahhh spoon. Ahhh monkey. Ahhh breathing! Person procedes to hold breath and die.)
How to improve at work:
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100.
How about achieving 103? Here’s a little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100?
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
K N O W L E D G E
So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.
And look how far this will take you...
A S S K I S S I N G
Think about it...and have a nice day at work.
A TRUE BOYFRIEND
When she walks away from you mad: Follow her
When she stares at your mouth: Kiss her
When she pushes you or hits you: Grab her and don't let go
When she start's cussing at you: Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet: Ask her whats wrong
When she ignores you: Give her your attention
When she pull's away: Pull her back
When you see her start crying: Just hold her and don't say a word
When you see her walking: Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared: Protect her
When she lays her head on your shoulder: Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steal's your favorite hat: Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she teases you: Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesnt answer for a long time: reassure her that everything is okay
When she looks at you with doubt: Back yourself up
When she says that she likes you: she really does more than you could understand
When she grabs at your hands: Hold hers and play with her fingers
When she bump's into you: bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tells you a secret: keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes: dont look away until she does
When she misses you: she's hurting inside
When you break her heart: the pain never really goes away
When she says its over: she still wants you to be hers
When she reposts this bulletin: she wants you to read it
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. - When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored or sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
What’s your name?
Malabsorbent, or Mal
What’s your birthstone?
Pig? I dunno that either.
Capricorn. That one I know
158cm last check. Probably more then that now.
Brown. Just brown.
Brown again. Like Max, but boringer. Yes, that is SO a word.
Are you in love?
Are you lying to me?
Are YOU lying to ME?
Do you have an imaginary friend?
Yep. Bob. He's been with me ever since like, year 8? Year 7? I'm not sure...
Do you want an imaginary friend?
Hegets on my nerves sometimes, but he's handy to blame things on.
Look to your left. What do you see?
Pencils. Lots of pencils.
What were you doing at 6:45 this morning?
What was the last thing you yelled?
I believe it was, 'WHAT?!'
Do you believe in magic?
'Course. Ever heard of the magic of fanfiction? Never the power of fanfiction. Always the magic.
Do you believe in fairies?
I DO believe in fairies, I DO!
Who’s your crush?
Sigh, my crush goes by the name of . Oops, the computer blocked it. Sucks for you.
Have you ever fallen down a flight of stairs?
More than once?
What did you do when you got to the bottom?
Type your name with your feet.
Why? Why, oh why? Fine, I'm doing the short version though... Mal. See? Not so hard. I even managed to do the capital.
Was that fun?
Run around the house. How do you feel?
Do you own a credit card?
Nobut I do have a cashflow card.
Do you like to shop?
What’s the last thing you bought?
Might've been the kinky fluffy handcuffs we got in Newmarket. Loooong story, don't ask.
Do you have any children?
At the ripe old age of 14, not yet.
Are you married?
Long story, I think I might be married to my mate Pine, and I've been married to Bob like, twice? I dunno anymore.
Who’s your crush?
I do believe I've told you.
What’s your favorite color?
Quick! You have to save the world!
But I don't waaannnnnnnaaaaaaa...
Someone has a knife to your back.
No they don't.
Do you swear?
Not usually, but boy, you should've heard me before my maths exam. I think I managed 14 in one sentence.
Do your parents know you swear?
What is open on your computer?
Two fanfic files, and MSN convo with Pine, another MSN thingy, and windows media player.
Who’s the last person you talked to and what did you say?
Twas talking to Pine, and I said, 'sure, but I dunno whether Local can go'. Of course, I didn't call her Local, I used her real name.
Where are you?
Look up. Now look back. What did you see?
Some paint which thinks it's white but has really gone more yellowish over the years.
What’s the last thing you ate?
Jam cookies, straight out of the oven, now have a burnt tongue and can't speak properly. But it was sooooo worth it.
What's your personality like?
Happy outside, deep.
Who do you have a crush on?
What was the last thing you thought?
'Oh, fu& off!'
Do you sleep walk?
Do you sleep talk?
What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?
When I was a kid, I used to have a recurring nightmare about clowns chasing me across a half made building, covered in scaffolding and such. That was a very freaky dream at the time.
Say “George Bush”. What's the first thing that comes to your mind?
You now have a million dollars. What do you do?
..Buy a sandwich, I think. I want a sandwich right now...
What are you eating/drinking right now?
What are you writing RIGHT NOW?
Find a globe. Spin it. What does it say?
Find a book. Turn to page 56, line 18, word 6. What does it say?
What can you hear right now?
Yellow, by Coldplay. Fricking hard core!
Have a conversation with the closest living thing to you other than yourself.
Turn on the T.V. What show is on?
Fishing Show. That's actually the title.
What happened last time you were typing here on this computer?
I was working on our science fair project.
Stand up. Close your eyes. Spin around three times. Stop. Open your eyes. What’s the first thing you see?
Two more questions… who’s your crush?
I've told you, it's #&@!
Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell?
Oh for the love of all that's holy...
Lmuigp8eoosenp eneodgppryio,hg o norlst,tpoa mmpuh..ehttncl.sane,
Hey, some of that actually makes sense! You can find the words, 'sane', 'mmpuh' and nearly 'pyro'. I'll give you a hint, you can make my crush's name out of those letters.
If you just read the quiz, do it, and then copy and paste it onto your profile.