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Joined 02-24-09, id: 1847312, Profile Updated: 03-03-11
Author has written 6 stories for Twilight.

Name: Dálene
Hair Colour: Dark Brown almost black
Eye Colour: Dark brown changes to black when I'm upset or angry
Height: 6ft7
Tattoos: None
Heritage: Spanish Italian about 3 generations back
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Live in: South-Africa
Piercings: None


Food: Macorni and cheese, pizza, salad...pretty much anything you can make with chicken
Drink: Chocolate milk
Time of day: Morning
Season: Winter
Day of the week: Saturday
Colour: Blue and white
Weather: Rain (I love the dirt smell when it just begins to rain)
Music: The Cranberries, Kelly Clarkson, Linken Park, Muse, Paramore, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Ramstein, System of a Down, Abba, Movie Soundtracks and anything that sounds good
TV Shows: True Blood, Heroes, CSI Las Vegas, X-Files, Smallville, Charmed, The Sarah Conner Cronicles, Grey's anatomy, Chuck, Womans Murder Club, The Mentalist, 90210, Fringe, Spartacus, Vampire Diaries, Lie to me, Medium, Criminal Minds, Hell Cats
Movies: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Stardust, What a girl wants, Matrix trilogy, Resident evil series, Harry Potter Series, Transformers 1 and 2, The Covenant, Fools Gold, How to loose a guy in ten days, Fierce People, Panic Room, Zathura, Salt, Loving Annabelle, Imagine me and you, Dispicable me
Books: The whole Twilight saga, Harry Potter series, Percy Jackson Series, The House of Night Series, Woman's murder club series, Where the Rainbows end, The long walk home, Animorphs Series, Vampire Academy Series, Goosebumps Series
Quotations: If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. Normal is just a setting on a washing machine.
Interests: Any Sport, Ancient Greek mithology and History
Activities: Sport, reading, watching movies, Gaming, Fishing, Action Netball and just hanging with my friends

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you act completely well crazy and make a total fool of yourself and not even care. Crazy is when you dedicate your entire being(every cell in your body) to Twilight, Maximum Ride, and fanfiction. Crazy is when you love a fictional character with the depths of your heart and soul would die for him and would marry him instantly if he were actually real. Crazy is when you tell people that Edward Cullen is real and that when he shows up he will rip their head off for saying he's not. Crazy is when you have your friends tryto make you run into a wall. Crazy is when you have to actually physically restrain yourself from bursting into song when you're in a crowded gym doing a important final exam and it's dead silent. Crazy is when you start screaming at books for doing something there not sopossed to do (ex: new moon when Edward leaves). If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you hate stereotypes copy and paste this onto your profile (Bold-ones you are)

Im SKINNY so I MUST be anorexic
Im EMO so I MUST cut myself
Im Black so I MUST carry a gun
Im BLONDE so I MUST be stupid
Im JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed
Im HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat
Im ASIAN so I MUST be a genius
Im JEWISH so I MUST be greedy
Im GAY so I MUST have AIDS
Im a LESBIAN so I MUST be butch
Im ARAB so I MUST be a terrorist
I SPEAK MY MIND so I MUST be a bitch
Im CHRISTIAN so I MUST think gay people should go to Hell

Im ATHIEST so i MUST hate the world
I HAVE NO RELIGION so I MUST be evil and have no morals
Im a GUY so I MUST only want to get in your pants
Im IRISH so I MUST have a drinking problem
Im a CHEERLEADER so I MUST be a whore
I wear SKIRTS alot so I MUST be a slut
Im RICH so I MUST be conceited
Im NOT a VIRGIN so I MUST be easy
Im a TEENAGE MOTHER so I MUST be irresponsible
I HAVE/HAD GOOD GRADES so I MUST have no social life
Im into MUSICALS so I MUST be homosexual
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be sleeping with them all
Im a VEGETARIAN so I MUST be a crazy political activist
Im GERMAN so I MUST be a Nazi
I hang out with GAY people so I MUST be gay too
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be a prude
Im a girl who ACTUALLY EATS LUNCH so I MUST be fat
Im SINGLE so I MUST be ugly
Im BISEXUAL so I MUST think everyone i see is hot
Im INTELLIGENT so I MUST be a loser
Im a FEMINIST so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and hate all men
Im ENGLISH so I MUST either be posh or cockney, love tea and cricket and have bad teeth (my teeth are very clean thank you)
I care about the ENVIRONMENT so I MUST be a hippy
I like READING so I MUST be a loner
I CRY EASILY so I MUST be a wimp
I don't like talking about my PERSONAL life so I MUST be having problems
Im a GOOD LIAR so I MUST be a good actor/actress
Im a MUSICIAN so I MUST be doing nothing with my life

Nine words I use frequently

(1) Fine: This is the word I use to end an argument when I'm right and the arguer needs to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If I'm busy, this means a half an hour.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and someone should be on their toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by people. A loud sigh means I think you are an idiot and wonder why I'm wasting my time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements I make to someone. That's okay means I want to think long and hard before deciding how and when someone will pay for their mistakes.

(7) Thanks: I'm thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome, unless I say 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and I'm not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' - that will bring on a 'whatever'.

(8) Whatever: Is my way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that I have told someone to do several times, but is now doing it myself. This will later result in someone asking me 'What's wrong?' For my response refer to # 3.

Why drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Why people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Why banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Why we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Why . they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Why the sun lightens our hair,
But darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why? Good question.

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God?PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what... and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you.

Ninety-six percent of teens in the world today don't stand up for God. If you are one of the 4 percent that does put this in your profile.

If you ever just felt like running somewhere, copy this to your profile

If you have ever been on the computer for hours on end reading fan fiction, copy this to your profile.

If your obessed with fan fiction, copy this to your profile

If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile

96 percent of teens won't stand up for God. Put this on your page if you're one of the 4 percent who will.
Even when you can’t see Him, GOD is there! if you believe in GOD put this in your profile.

If you have ever copy and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile

92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you are one of the two percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball?

Month one

I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

Check This Out...
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulacltyuesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!If you could read that put it in your profile


All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in BOOKS or movies.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

America's Intelligence:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)


1, What color is your toothbrush?

Wait what is a toothbrush?...only kidding its blue and white.

2, Name one person who made you smile today:

Braam. The worst Gemeni ever!

3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning:

Driving to work or rather my daily toture session.

4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

I was on Facebook, talking to one of my friends.

5, What is your favorite candy bar?

Chocolate log. I'm not so big on chocolate actually.

6, Have you ever been to a strip club?

No, being a girl myself I don't really care about naked woman.

7, What is the last thing you said aloud?

"If you disturb me one more time I'm going to show you that it's really possible for someone to kiss their ass."

8, What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Mixed vanilla and chocolate. And no Ice-cream is perfect without a flake in it!

9, What was the last thing you had to drink?

Coffee,it's the first thing anyone should drink in the morning.

10, Do you like your wallet?

Duh, there is money in it.

11, What was the last thing you ate?

Pronutro, chocolate flavored poridge. It hads everything the body needs. (Well almost in anyway)

12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?

Yes, but I'm not telling you what it is.

13, The last sporting event you watched?


14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Cheese and chives but it should be popcorn at the movies because no popcorn can taste like that.

15, Who is the last person you sent a text message too?

Coach, one of my teammates in my action netball team.

16, Ever go camping?

Yeah, In Melkbosstrand (that is a beach) with my family during Easter holiday.

17, Do you take vitamins daily?

Yes,but I'm not a health freak.

18, Do you go to church every Sunday?

Not every Sunday.

19, Do you have a tan?

I'm natrually tan (Spanish Italian).

20,Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?

Pizza rocks: nothing comes close to melted cheese.

21, Do you drink your soda with a straw?

No, accept when I'm in a restourante.

22, What did your last text message say?

Ok I'll remember to forget. (Private joke between me and a friend, he's actually saying he will remember.)

23, What are you doing tomorrow?

Working then I'm doing as little as possible for as long as possible.

25, Look to your left, what do you see?

Some irretating friend who is also working with me and can sometimes make me laugh at the worst possible times.

26, What color is your watch?

Silver and gold. (A gift I recieved from my mother four years ago for Christmas.)

27, What do you think of when you hear Australia?

That the Wallebes couldn't beat the Springboks. (Wallebes Australian rugby team, Springboks South-African rugby team)

28, What is your birthstone?

CITRINE - November Birthstone (traditional) or some people might say a golden Topaz

29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?

Depands if the fast food place has a drive thru. Only Mcdonalds and KFC has drive thru's in South-Africa

30, What is your favorite number?


31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?

David, my brother. Or so my mother tells me, I'm still waiting on the lab results.

32, Any plans today?

Work and then go play two action netball matches. After that I'm going to watch Season one of X-Files.

33, How many states have you lived in?

Two although we call them provinces in South-Africa

34, Biggest annoyance right now?

Stupidity there's no excaping it!

35, Last song listened to?

I don't feel like dancing -Scissor Sisters

36,Can you say the alphabet backwards?

No, who is bored enough to learn that?

37, Do you have a maid service clean your house?

No. I don't believe in paying for something I can do myself.

38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

Sport shoes because I play sports almost all the time.

39, Are you jealous of anyone?

No, I'm not the jealous type.

40, Is anyone jealous of you?

Like someone is going to tell me that.

41, Do you love anyone?

Yes duh...

42, Do any of your friends have children?

Yes, It's called modern day living now.

43, What do you usually do during the day?

Work, Facebook. Twitter, write or read FF, joke around with some friends, do some form of sport, whatch some TV, go to sleep, Sleep for four hours. Not necesarily in that order.

44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?

No but I do hate the stupidity in them.

45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily?

Only if I have to answer the phone, normal conversation I use the shorter words like Hey, Hi or if I'm irretated, Go Away.

46, What color is your car?


47, Do you like cats?

Yes, I have three cats, but want to own a Husky someday.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?

No, do I count?

49, Have you ever been to Six Flags?


50, How did you get your worst scar?

Does a chipped tooth count from the bath accident I had when I was seven? NO that wasn't the worst, how about the time my brother threw three darts into my back? No there weren't scars. Ok then it must have been the time my brother and I argued about a broom and while tugging on it it snapped in halve scraping my calf. No ok I have it. I jumped over a fence with spikes and got caught. Spike took out a chunk of meat from my leg. How stupid was I when I was young?

DON'T DRINK WATER: fish have sex in it.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Dain bramaged.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, feck the fruit.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is question is Carlisle Cullen, get those apples the hell away from me.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

You can't make a person love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.

Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.

"If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English." - Homer Simpson.

I'm so gangsta. I carry a squirt gun.

One night I looked up at the beautiful stars and began to think... where the HECK is my roof??

People are like SLINKIES. Basically useless. And yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.

Smile... it makes people wonder what you're up to.

I'm smiling because they haven't found the bodies yet.

My heart? Yeah. It's not a playground.

Let's flip a coin: Heads, Edward and I will be together. Tails, we'll flip again.

Tears wash the windows of our souls so we can see ourselves more clearly. -Exodus 19:5

Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips.

We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls our good at one thing: Staying Strong.

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.- that happens alot.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.

When life throws you lemons...OMG! You're pregnant!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!

Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in hell would you keep looking for it if you already found it?

When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns. But those bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again...

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.

Silent is golden but duck tape is silver

Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washer machines.

You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.

Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Dance like no one's watching. Sing like no one's listening.

You call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing.

Sometimes you've got to smile and walk away... Hold your tears in and pretend like you're okay.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

I'm so gangsta, I carry a squirt gun.

Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.

Smile... it confuses people.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Don't yawn in the shower. You might drown. -Bill Cosby

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

There's a ME in AWESOME but there's also a WE.

I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."

Therapist = The/rapist (scary thought -shudder-)

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo

One out of four people are insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

One day we're going to look back at this, laugh nervously, then change the subject.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide.

I don't obsess, I think intensely.

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train.

You know, there are times when we're dirt broke, hungry and freezing, and I ask myself, "why the hell am i still living here." and then they call and i remember.

Someone should sue Disney for making every little girl believe shes found her prince charming.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask myself, “Is life multiple choose questions or true or false questions?” and then a voice inside my head says, “We hate to tell you this, but life’s a 1,000 word essay.

Sunglasses are in the two splash category. The first splash is the sunglasses falling into the water. The second splash is you jumping in after them.

Life is like a box of chocolates, don't eat them too fast.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

Is he gay or European?

Music man took my soul...

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Men are like slinkies. They bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?
Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

The greatest lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

I don't think that I ended up where I wanted to be but I think that I am where I was intended to be.

For those of you who Tweet you can STALK me at:

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Age Doesn't Matter in Love by XxKelleyxX reviews
All human. Bella is a senior at Forks High when Miss Alice Brandon, fresh out of college comes to teach Math. What happens when Bella starts to have feelings for her teacher, despite having a boyfriend?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 35 - Words: 198,266 - Reviews: 3702 - Favs: 1,669 - Follows: 1,939 - Updated: 12/4/2014 - Published: 1/10/2010 - Alice, Bella
Girl of my Dreams by JessElyse reviews
Edward Cullen and Jacob Black team up to help each other conquer their dream girl. Seems perfect,right? But what happens when Edward realizes his dream girl wasn’t out of reach? That she had always been there for him in the form of his best friend?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 32 - Words: 127,584 - Reviews: 2008 - Favs: 1,198 - Follows: 746 - Updated: 2/13/2012 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Lycanthropy by KitKat-Pyrophobia reviews
What is fortune? Is it health, easily tainted with the bite of a halfbreed? Or can it be the normalcy of everyday life, so suddenly chipping away? For Scorpius Malfoy, misfortune is in charge, and is handing him a certain Rose to only make things harder.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 110,443 - Reviews: 603 - Favs: 367 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 7/3/2011 - Published: 2/19/2010 - Scorpius M., Rose W. - Complete
What You Don't Know by Airplane reviews
It's become very clear to Eugene that Rapunzel has little to no understanding of amorous affection.
Tangled - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 37 - Words: 88,185 - Reviews: 2220 - Favs: 2,964 - Follows: 979 - Updated: 2/9/2011 - Published: 12/8/2010 - Rapunzel, Flynn R. - Complete
A to Z: Scorpius Malfoy and Rose Weasley by LittlePlasticCastle reviews
A collection of one-shots in alphabetical order about Scorpius Malfoy and Rose Weasley. When love and hate are involved, there's always a good story to tell... these are 26 one-shots, so basically UNRELATED to one another! Rated T just in case. R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 26 - Words: 34,737 - Reviews: 277 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 9/11/2010 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Scorpius M., Rose W. - Complete
A Litany at Dusk by duskwatcher2153 reviews
Edward's been a solitary vampire, hunting on the edges of society. He rejoins his family in Forks, ready to abstain and runs across a young woman praying. A choice must be made between one's heart, one's desires and one's soul. Darkward ExB AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 34 - Words: 134,694 - Reviews: 5322 - Favs: 2,824 - Follows: 1,377 - Updated: 8/21/2010 - Published: 8/18/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Lunière by siDEADde reviews
TW/MS Alice's POV. Canon "Where Jasper and I were halves of the same whole, Edward and I were the same half. We understood each other more than the family understood us."
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 66,720 - Reviews: 419 - Favs: 461 - Follows: 416 - Updated: 8/17/2009 - Published: 4/8/2008 - Alice, Edward
Withering the Ferns by AngstGoddess003 reviews
Isabella, infamous rich girl, meets Edward, the dark, mysterious guy from the wrong side of the tracks after an accident. Lost in the dense forest surrounding Forks together, they must survive complete isolation. Written for Gift Exchange.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 75,311 - Reviews: 1024 - Favs: 3,264 - Follows: 659 - Published: 8/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Stay With Me by mackenzie925 reviews
Clark and Chloe, both suffering, spend an unforgettable night together. But was it a mistake, or love? And will fate give them a chance to find out? Rated a soft M, to be safe.
Smallville - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 29 - Words: 96,707 - Reviews: 205 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 7/9/2009 - Published: 7/2/2007 - Clark K./Superman, Chloe S.
Across the Universe by mira mirth reviews
Vague spoilers for PS-HBP. One-shot. James Potter observes as Harry arrives to an alternate dimension where his parents are alive and Neville is the Boy-Who-Lived. Trying to teach old cliches new tricks, here.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,885 - Reviews: 589 - Favs: 3,197 - Follows: 452 - Published: 4/6/2008 - Harry P., James P. - Complete
Forgotten Cherry Blossom by Tella reviews
FINISHED! Li finds a girl with a broken body an soul, what is he to make of the mystery that is the Forgotten Cherry Blossom?
Card Captor Sakura - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 16,811 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/13/2004 - Published: 2/23/2004 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Traveling Soldier reviews
While waiting for the time to pass he watches her busting tables, always greeting each customer with a smile and making sure that their order is done just right. He notices how she seams to be skipping instead of walking. A/H
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Western/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,822 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/16/2010 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Bedtime Story reviews
"I sighed, thinking about what story I could tell her. This used to come so easily to me, fairy tales and happy endings. Back when I believed that love was real and could cure almost anything." Do happily ever after really exist? All human
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 21,581 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/15/2010 - Published: 6/21/2010 - Edward, Bella
Letters from the edge reviews
"You still haven't answered my questions Edward. What has she done now?" Damn him for his observances."She fell in love." I said bluntly. "And the fact that she didn't fall in love with you is what is bothering you." He stated knowing that it was a fact.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 37,863 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 5/27/2010 - Published: 3/1/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
In time reviews
“You’re such an asshole.” He looked at me cocking an eyebrow. “You treated the one true friend you had like trash in exchange for being the cool guy. You would never know who your real friends are." A/H Normal Bella and famous Edward stuck in a elevator.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 43,283 - Reviews: 422 - Favs: 414 - Follows: 289 - Updated: 2/16/2010 - Published: 11/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Vice Versa reviews
Edward and Bella lived next door to each other their entire live's. They fight constantly about anything, untill one faithfull night they somehow swap body's. Now for the first time they have to work together to swap back before time runs out. All human
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 74,260 - Reviews: 228 - Favs: 310 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 9/17/2009 - Published: 5/27/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Dark and twisty reviews
Bella lived in Forks her whole life. Then Edward moved to Forks and he has a horrific past. Can Bella help him through his tragedies and can they find love on the way. All human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 30 - Words: 101,880 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 7/22/2009 - Published: 3/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete