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Author has written 11 stories for Fairy Tail, Ouran High School Host Club, Smallville, Danny Phantom, Young Justice, Batman, and Shaman King.
'Never Argue With A Woman'
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after
Although not familiar
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the
What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
(I added 51-55)
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination even though they're just as effective
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards or Yu-Gi-Oh cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive ( The Gryffindors will win!)
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
30) I will not go to class skyclad
31) I will not use Umbridge's quiz to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
35) I will not call the Weasly twins "bookends"
36) I will not call the Patil twins "bookends"
37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearning an orange anorak
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronous
43) I will not lick Trevor
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled "Firewhiskey"
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God
51) I am not allowed to call Cedric Diggery Edward Cullen by "accident"
52) I am not able to go running around screaming: I saw Harry cutting in the girls bathroom!
53) I'm banned from teaming up against the 1st years with Peeves.
54) Telling people that Cedric turned into a 1918 vampire will get me suspended.
55) I can't called Professer McGonagall a cougar.
FRIENDS vs. BEST FRIENDS
(revised by yours truly)
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one who laugh as you go over their ankle.
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" then throw you a used hankie.
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you then say "Oops, my bad!"
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beeping - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will talk to you when you're in jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Will talk the coppers to let you go before you're even in the cell.
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DANG! You messed up!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you're not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you!
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "LUCY, I'M HOME!"
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap!
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Here's a bunch of ifs and stuff to paste in. So copy and paste this to your profile:
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If someone ever told you to stop cussing or else they'll make you eat soap copy and paste this to your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile.
If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile
If you ever fell off a chair back wards copy this into your profile
If you're a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is planning to dominate the world, copy this to your profile.( I act friendly but have an evil mind MUAHHAHA)(I'm joking or am I?)(Nope, not at all (sacasm))
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile
If you love the rain, copy this to your profile. (I would like to look at the rain, dreaming)
If your obsessed with fan fiction, copy this to your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you read New Moon and Eclipse and wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD past this in your profile.
If you are writing a book, copy this into your profile
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, tookieclothespen, bellabookworm9, GoodyGoody23, EdwardIsMyLover, FreakyTwilightLovero, Vampires_Rock,cullendrive, AlexandraCullen, Myself4994, BerryEbilBunny
92 percent of American teens would die if Ambercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breath. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing their heads off!
If there are times when you just wanna annoy people for the heck of it then copy this into ya profile.
If you have ever dreamed or imagined being a vampire or a werewolf, put this in your profile.
If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.
If you are a teenager, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you listen to alternative rock, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think your insane because you say so, copy and pate this into your profile.
If you think being random is screaming out common household objects, animals and foods, copy and pate this into your profile.
If you want people to believe you don’t care how they feel about you, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile
If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.
If you would walk 1,000 miles to see the person you love for 5 minutes, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile
If you have ever copy and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.
If you’ve ever made faces in front of a security camera then paste this in your profile
If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you get bored easily, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you would kill to have wings, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever tried to grow wings, copy and paste this too.
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile
If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile!
Put this into your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep had the same tune, and were all composed by Mozart.
If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this into your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If most of these apply to you, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you think most teachers have no life, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've written a fanfic, copy and paste this to your profile and add another chapter.
If you love your country, copy and paste this to your profile then praise your country.
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