Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.
I'm a huge Bella/Edward fan, I LOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Twilight, I love Avril Lavigne's old songs too(oh puh-leaze...Girlfriend?), I hate school and I'm low esteemed/pessimistic.
Name: Destinee Maudrell
Fave Colour: Green, black
Hobbies: GETTING REVIEWS!, Reading Twilight, I'm not bad in b-ball and soccer, its just I don't play, listening to music, something random
Hates: Sexist morons, racist morons, morons, people who have a problem with me reading while eating(DEAL WITH IT!), mean second-language teacher
I swear, I have nothing against blondes, (I'm a brunette), I swear! There are some awesome blondes on earth, I just really loved these jokes!
This blonde is driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat.
She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while.
When she can't stand it any more, she calls out to the blonde in the field,
The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, 'Because it is an ocean of wheat.'
The blonde standing at the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field,
'It is dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.'
The blonde in the field just shrugs her shoulders and begins rowing again.
The blonde on the side of the road is beside herself and shakes her fist at the blonde in the field yelling,
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said, 'These look like deer tracks,'
They argued and argued for a quite while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
One day this blonde calls her friend and says,
Her friend asks, 'What is it a puzzle of?'
The blonde says, 'From the picture on the box, it's a tiger.'
Well, the friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the pieces spread all over the table.
He studies them for a moment, then studies the box.
He turns to her and says, 'Well, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.'
She asks, 'Oh, how come?'
He says, 'Look, never mind, let's just relax, have a cup of coffee and we'll put all these cornflakes back in the box.'
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
How do you drown a blonde?
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Why do blondes have 'TGIF' written on their shoes?
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said 'Disneyland Left' so they turned around and went home.
A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation.
After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies' room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, 'Welcome to the ladies' room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!'
The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, 'I think I'm the most beautiful of us three' and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
The redhead stepped up and said, 'I think I'm the most talented of us three,' and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Jaguar in her hands.
Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, 'I think...' and was promptly sucked into the mirror.
The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.
Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.
This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily.
1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children
2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts
3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping
4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire
5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking
6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado
7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts
8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children
9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping
11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap
12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness
13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required
14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use
15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children
16. On Sears hairdryer:
17. On a bag of Fritos:
18. On a bar of Dial soap:
19. On some Swann frozen dinners:
20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
24. On Nytol sleep aid:
25. On a string of Christmas lights:
26. On a food processor:
27. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
29. On a Swedish chainsaw:
30. On a child's Superman costume:
1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"
2) When the elevator doors shut, assuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"
3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.
5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
11) Meow occasionally.
12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"
She was hurt
I begged her to tell
I stand with some roses
I wanted to tell
They got worse
I wanted to tell
Now that she's gone
If you have a friend
An apple a day, keeps the doctor away, if aimed right.
Life was simple, when boys had cooties
Directions to llama land: Turn left at the rainbow, turn right at the unicorn with the butterfly tattoo, if you reach the oenguin, you went too far.
When the world is ending, come over to my house! I'll be hosting the party!
I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator.
Education is important, school is another story.
School and jail have one difference: Jail food doesn't kill you.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if you still hate them, you're a mile away and just jacked their shoes.
To the losers who say anything's possible, here's a challenge: Slam a revolving door.
Therapist= The Rapist kinda self explanatory
You say I'm not cool. Cool is the same as cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. You finally get me!
I'm so gangsta, I carry a water gun!
I used to be normal, then I met my friends...
I ran with scissors and lived!
You cry, I cry, You laugh, I laugh, You fall off a cliff, I laugh so much harder.
It's just you and me against the world... we attack at dawn.
93 of American teens cried from being called a freak. I'm one of those 7 who said, "Naw! What was your first clue?"
I'm the girl who will laugh, cry, and hum It's a Small World, just because you're my friend and I know you hate it.
Here are things wrong with America:
Only in America, does the pizza have the thirty minutes or less guarantee, while the ambulance gets there "when it can".
If pro is the opposite of con, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Only in America, do banks leave their doors open and chain pens to the desks.
Only in America, do you order a double cheeseburger, a large frie, and a diet coke.
Only in America, do sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get medicine, while healthy people walk to the front to get cigarettes.
Only in America, there is a drive-up ATM with Braille lettering.
Politicians pratice politics. Poli means many; tics means blood-sucking creatures.
When you don't get my friends and my jokes, it's not a "you had to be there", its a "you have to as retarded as us"
My friends are the people, who, if my house was burning, they would be roasting marchmallows and singing camp-fire songs with the firemen.
My friends: You say they're stupid, I say they're just like me!
If I say, You're almost as smart as my smart friend, it's not a compliment.
My friend told me to build a bridge and get over it, I said, "I don't have the instructions."
Only a best friend can say you're stupid. Everyone knows if they try, they'll get the shit beaten out of them.
Friends: Will hide you from the cops
Friends: Will bail you out of jail
Friends: Will help you get over the guy
Friends: Will help you stop crying
Friends: Know one or two secrets
Friends: Say Mr. and Mrs. to your parents
Friends: Accept your offer to buy their movie ticket at the theater if they can buy the snacks
Friends: Keep you from embarrassing yourself in public
Friends: Will teach me to drive
Friends: Will squeal over Edward Cullen with you
Who do you like more:
Bella or Edward?
Bella or Jacob?
Bella or Alice?
Alice or Jacob?
Rosalie or Alice?
Jasper or Alice?
Jasper or Edward?
Carlisle or Esme?
Emmett or Jasper?
Emmett or Jacob?
Bella or Rosalie?
Esme or Charlie?
Charlie or Carlisle?
Charlie or Billy?
Jacob or Sam?
Sam or Quil?
Quil or Embry?
Who's the better villain: James or Victoria?
Werewolves or Vampires?
Neutral when it comes to this one :D
List twelve of your characters from your fandom, in no particular order.
1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?
Jasper and Hermione...strange, but I guess I could give it a shot.
2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Jacob? Sort of...
3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
Edward and Harry...that's wrong on all levels
4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?
Yes, and they were pretty good
5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?
Alice and Jasper are already a couple...what a coinky-dink
6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?
5/9 would be cute -
7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
Emmett walked in on Alice and Edward having...okay, how would you react if you saw your two siblings...ugh, nevermind
8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.
Carlisle is the hot, young new professor at Hogwarts. All the girls are falling over him. Except one. Hermione Granger. All the girls are puzzled at her attitude, but she knows the truth about Carlisle. Know one else knows, that Carlisle has a wife. So, how did Hermione know?
9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
Bella and Harry. Haven't found any, but that's cuz I never looked!
10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.
The Mindreader's Therapist :P. I can't think of anything.
11. If you wrote a songfic about Eight, what song would you choose?
12. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
WARNING: Jasper might be destroyed by an unhappy Edward for his flirting with Bella, unless his awesome macho power save him
13. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
A week ago
14. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).”
"Bella and Emmett are in a happy relationship until Ginny runs off with Jacob. Bella, broken hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Luna, and a brief unhappy affair with Edward (!), then follows the wise advice of Seth and finds true love with Carlisle." Bella and her brother-in-law to be, a vampire, are happy, unil Ginny, a witch, runs off with a werewolf. A broken hearted Bella has a hot one-night stand with another wand-waving witch, and has a brief affair with her FIANCEE, then follows the wise advice of the talkative sandy wolf, and finds true love with her ex-fiance's father...Do I need to point out what's wrong there?