Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.
i hav changed teams entirely!! i am team Buffy-staked-Edward!!
i hav 1 fav author on fanfiction: RLD-Flame-point-Callie (U r the best author ever!!)
Quote of the day: "Jesus!" Luke exclaimed. "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling." The Mortal Instruments
Favorite bands:GREEN DAY!!
Favorite movies: The Outsiders, the Bourne Trilogy (Matt Damon is a god)
Favorite TV shows: Vampire Diaries, Smallville
Favorite Books: Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Mortal Instruments, Harry Potter, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Outsiders
HERE ME!! HERE ME LOUD AND CLEAR!!... TWILIGHT SUX!! A LOT!! I USED TO LIKE IT BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT IT WAS HORRIBLE AND A DISGRACE TO THE NAME OF LITERATURE, VAMPIRES, AND ROMANCE NOVELS!! I ALSO HATE SCREAMING FANGIRLS WHO NEED TO GET A LIFE!! THEY ALSO CANT SPELL!! ROBERT PATTINSON IS THE UGLIEST (AND WORST) ACTOR ALIVE!! have i made my point clear?
Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?(TELL THIS 2 MY BAND DIRECTOR/DAD)
-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
-Education is important; school however, is another matter.
I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.
-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
-You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!
-Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.
That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.
-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.
-If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
-Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?
-There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.
-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.
-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
-It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
-People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House.
-I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
-I do not deny everything.
-Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store
Love me or hate me personally I could care less
I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago : )
-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us
-Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.
-Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over
-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
I say jump." "I say how high." "You don't say anything. You just jump." ~ Jake and Heaven - Samurai Girl
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile!
92 percent of teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch wasn't cool to breath any more, Put this in your profile if your one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off!
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you think the Cocoa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile!
If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.
98 percent of the population has a myspace. If you're one of the 2 percent that isn't emo, copy and paste this in your profile.
If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
Fine the Real Definition
(From Italian Job)
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
The road to success is always under construction.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.
Sometimes i wonder "why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me
Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
93 Percent Of the people who read this won't repost it.
Don't be one of those people.
Believe in God and he'll always be there to protect you
Don't take life to serouly, no one gets out alive anyway
Life's tough...Get a helmet
I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now!
SHUT UP VOICES!! or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again...
If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends
Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do
Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died
Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own Opinion, It Just That Your's Is Stupid
Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain
If You Die In An Elevator Make Sure To Press The "Up" Button
Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.
I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned."
"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."
"Nothing worse than getting your pigtails shot off..."
"Nobody move! I dropped my brain."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"He who laughs last didn't get it."
"That ain't no etch-n-sketch. That's one little doodle that can't be undid, home skillet."
"Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for."
"Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you."
"If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words."
"All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." ~ Walt Disney
TOP TEN Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.
The Rules of Hogwarts
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus's "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light sabre sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"
14) I will not you my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not use the phrase, "Get a Life" when talking to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bee's"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
30) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"
31) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm, not even if they are in Slytherin
32) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
33) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
34) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
35) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts
36) I do not have an Edward Cullen Patronous
37) I will not lick Trevor
38) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey"
39) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
40) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously
41) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
42) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
43) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
44) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God
Things to do in an exam
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Freak this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
42. Dress like the professor.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras
Opening Credits: Whatever you like by T.I. (Ok?)
Waking Up: Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's (I do like waking up to this song on my ihome)
First Day At School: Viva La Vida by Coldplay (What does Viva la Vida mean?)
Making Your New Best Friend: Stuck in a moment you cant get out of by U2
Falling In Love: Halo by Beyonce (Makes sense...)
Breaking Up: All i ever wanted by Basshunter (Kinda)
Prom: Im yours by Jason Mraz (Good dancing song)
Graduation: All-American Girl by Carrie Underwood (Makes sense if your all-american :)
Life's Okay: Crushcrushcrush by Paramore(Random)
Birth of Child: Bellas Lullaby (do i really need 2 say whos its by??)
Wedding Scene: American Pie by Don McLean (Old yet great song although i dont know why we would play a song about music dieing at a wedding...)
Car Accident: I hate this Part by the Pussycat Dolls (Haha weirdly coincidental I Hate this dying part! haha)
Death Scene: Light On by David Cook (The thought is kinda depressing
Funeral Song: Violet Hill by Coldplay (Slow song so might make sense)
I thought this was so frickken funny!
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table: 239.99. Hot Breakfast: 4.20. Two Aspirins: .38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!
One fine day in the middle if the night,
two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf police man heard the noise,
and came to arrest the two dead boys
If you don't belive this stories true,
ask the blind man 'cause he saw it too
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded
The ten Christmas Ailments
There was once a girl named Ashley who
Jack was the most popular guy in school.
Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies.
Ashley approached the movies that night
Ashley had peeked through Courtney's
The next day at school Ashley wasn't
A note that read: My dearest Jack, I
Always with you, Ashley
Please foward this or Ashley will