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Author has written 18 stories for Twilight, Harry Potter, and Glee.
Things to do on an Elevator:
CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
SAY -DING at each floor.
SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
SWAT at flies that don't exist.
CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an Amerian Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
Welcome to my profile!
I like to think that I'm not too much of an idiot, so I'm not going to put any personal information here.
For all intents and purposes, call me Chess.
It's likely I don't know you, so why the hell would I tell you my age?
I live in the shadows. Try and find me.
I have issues completing my stories. I get tonnes of plot bunnies, and they start off well. However, after several generations of inbreeding, the offspring become infertile and they fail to progress any further in the family line of chapters.
If you see something you don't like, close your eyes and count to ten. If it's still there when you look again, feel free to begin the screaming.
Yes, my hair is ginger. What the hell are you going to do about it?
My friends and family are the most important people in my life. As a result, that is exactly what I will protect them with.
Everybody needs looking after sometimes. I'm going to be a doctor.
I love Alice in Wonderland. I want to be the Mad Hatter when I grow up.
You may have noticed by now that my profile is just a junction of meaningless sentences. If you have, congratulations. If you haven't, you're really unobservant.
I've never been particularly good at writing profiles. Maybe you should just skip this bit and review my wonderful stories.
Yeah. I like that plan.
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