EToMyB
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Joined 03-10-09, id: 1862876, Profile Updated: 04-29-12

I like long walks on the beach, lanky young men with roguish smiles (coughRobcough), wine and cheese, cows (not eating them), binomial nomenclature (Linnaeus is my homeboy), acid-trip music, herpetology, Photoshop, movies in which Brad Pitt has a stupid accent, and insanity.

I finally decided to remove my story. I apologize if you enjoyed and wanted to read more of it. I liked it as well, but it was from a place I no longer enjoy going in my mind. Sad but true :(

I do have some more stuff in my screwy little brain that will someday make its way onto this site, possibly under another penname. It will be different. I will probably write another story in the same tone as BaFL (e.g., funny) someday, and all of my stories are likely to be somewhat snarky, but the ones I've started are... well...

Mostly about vampires doing actual vampiring and humans being somewhat disturbed/disturbing.

Stay tuned if anyone's reading this :)

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Creature of Habit by EZRocksAngel reviews
Bella begins working for the elusive and distant Edward Cullen who she discovers is hiding behind an elaborate charade to maintain his secret lifestyle. Bella is determined to find out the mysteries of Edward Cullen but with what results? AU, OOC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 33 - Words: 189,751 - Reviews: 14518 - Favs: 11,848 - Follows: 5,462 - Updated: 5/16/2013 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Laid Bare by Brits23 reviews
Desperate to taste-unable to deny. A defective vampire-a deceptive human girl. Monster and man discovers primal urges he never knew existed. Can it ever be enough? To drink her is completion, to touch her is , ExB OOC,Canon pairs
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 30 - Words: 269,083 - Reviews: 4634 - Favs: 3,186 - Follows: 2,650 - Updated: 11/27/2012 - Published: 11/28/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Defrosting Edward by Aleeab4u reviews
Bella's been trying to warm Edward up in more ways than one. With a little help from Alice, a broken truck and a few burned fingers, she just might have found his defrost button. Rated M with canon characters, based on "practice makes perfect." E/B AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 162,326 - Reviews: 1565 - Favs: 1,407 - Follows: 1,126 - Updated: 10/9/2012 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Edward, Bella
The Fallout by OCDindeed reviews
March 16/06 the world the Cullens knew ended. Faith, hope & love are powerful things. Edward finds out how powerful they are when he loses the one person who made his life worth living. Not just an E/B story. Entire Cullen clan is here, each with their own hardships. Set during a post-apocalyptic nuclear war. Try the Prologue before passing judgment. You might be surprised! NM/AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 325,178 - Reviews: 6613 - Favs: 4,314 - Follows: 3,189 - Updated: 3/24/2012 - Published: 3/24/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Resident Geek by cdunbar reviews
Geeky Edward thinks he has absolutely no shot with the popular, beautiful Bella. Is he right, or will she be one of the many girls who thinks geeks make for better lovers? M for language, sexuality, and some underage drinking. A little OOC...ok, a lot OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 95,911 - Reviews: 5449 - Favs: 6,560 - Follows: 5,202 - Updated: 12/13/2011 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
For Eternity by monksmama reviews
150 years after Edward leaves, 149 years after Bella's death, Jasper stumbles across a new novel. Nothing is as it seems. Who is Eve? Who are the Guardians? What are the consequences of secrets not kept?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 102,806 - Reviews: 1288 - Favs: 965 - Follows: 1,002 - Updated: 11/10/2011 - Published: 12/26/2008 - Edward, Bella
The Vampire in the Basement by michellephants reviews
While hunting one afternoon, the boys stumble upon what appears to be a corpse. When they learn it's a severely broken vampire, they take him home to do what they can to help. But of course, fate has plans for this man. Canon Couples. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 164,189 - Reviews: 11479 - Favs: 9,088 - Follows: 6,584 - Updated: 10/30/2011 - Published: 2/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Where There's Smoke by NJNYTwiGals reviews
Edward is a Chicago firefighter who decides to move to Seattle to escape his past. Bella is a woman betrayed who has turned her back on love- until they meet. Will they spark into something beautiful or go up in flames? AU-H- M for language & lemons
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 250,508 - Reviews: 2742 - Favs: 2,218 - Follows: 1,143 - Updated: 1/5/2011 - Published: 9/9/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Wicked Angel by DevilishPleasures reviews
I am Edward Cullen and I have a deadly secret: I am a hit man. My new target: Isabella Newton. With the help of my friends, we plan the crime of the century. What the hell am I going to do when she becomes more than my target and becomes my life...?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 131,618 - Reviews: 3372 - Favs: 2,213 - Follows: 1,378 - Updated: 12/21/2010 - Published: 1/1/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Reunion by KeepersOfTheNaughtySparkle reviews
Edward,once a geek, and Bella secretly crushed on each other since high school. Can their 10 year reunion bring them together? Is one night enough to squelch a decade old passion or will it fan the flames into an unquenchable fire. Lemmony/AU/AH/B&E
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 189,747 - Reviews: 3557 - Favs: 3,780 - Follows: 2,176 - Updated: 6/13/2010 - Published: 5/12/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Hear No Evil by BlueSea14 reviews
After over a hundred years alone, a deaf vampire Bella finds the Cullen family. With no memory of her human past, and no way to communicate with the world, how can they help her? Canon.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 97,077 - Reviews: 1591 - Favs: 2,337 - Follows: 850 - Updated: 4/9/2010 - Published: 6/15/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Alphabet Weekends by the-glory-days reviews
Bored with their dismal love lives, best friends Edward and Bella come up with the idea of exploring the world of sex using the alphabet for the next twenty-six weekends. What happens when things go from two friends having fun to something serious? AH OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 34 - Words: 124,991 - Reviews: 11409 - Favs: 11,105 - Follows: 5,796 - Updated: 3/13/2010 - Published: 3/12/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Just One of the Guys by SorceressCirce reviews
Scarred by events in her past, Bella relies heavily on her best friend and roommate, Jasper. When Jasper falls in love with a girl named Alice, Bella is excited for him but can’t help but wonder – where will she fit in? Canon pairings, AH/AU, OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 261,614 - Reviews: 4087 - Favs: 4,015 - Follows: 3,897 - Updated: 3/7/2010 - Published: 2/13/2009
A Stable Romance by Iadorepugs reviews
My 1st fan fic. AH, canon pairings. Edward is a horse trainer in dressage. Bella becomes his working student. Will they see that what they need can be found in the other? Rated M for lemons later chapters. Winner Best Romance in the Jumbo Awards
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 34 - Words: 207,005 - Reviews: 2124 - Favs: 1,415 - Follows: 664 - Updated: 1/29/2010 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Age of Consent by littlesecret84 reviews
Bella's summer internship turns interesting when Charlie arranges for Edward to drive her to and from the courthouse. As they talk and get to know each other, the sexual attraction Bella feels from the beginning evolves into something more.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 31,044 - Reviews: 7017 - Favs: 4,176 - Follows: 2,342 - Updated: 12/4/2009 - Published: 6/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Breathe Me by afragilelittlehuman reviews
Deserted by her first love, Bella leaves Forks and finds a new path. A new friendship causes her past to resurface. Will she return to a life that broke her heart? Crossover primarily Twilight , AU, OOC, rated M for language, violence, & later lemons.
Crossover - Twilight & Moonlight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 23 - Words: 69,229 - Reviews: 589 - Favs: 270 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 11/29/2009 - Published: 6/27/2009 - Bella, Mick S. J. - Complete
Good Bella, Bad Bella by off-the-deep-end reviews
The much awaited story surrounding the one-shot 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'. Read and Review. M FOR A REASON. Bad Boy Edward Cullen meets the studious Bella Swan. Do opposites really attract? And what is Edward's secret?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 36 - Words: 119,167 - Reviews: 4376 - Favs: 5,082 - Follows: 3,120 - Updated: 8/16/2009 - Published: 9/19/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Innocent, Vigilant, Ordinary by Oxymoronic8 reviews
ON HIATUS. Bella spent the first two years of her life in Forks slowly falling for Jacob. As her senior year begins, a new family moves to town and she begins to question the difference between what she thought she needed & what she never knew she wanted.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 177,984 - Reviews: 5589 - Favs: 5,139 - Follows: 4,526 - Updated: 7/19/2009 - Published: 7/16/2008 - Bella, Edward
Origins: Alice by AnaCristina78 reviews
I've always been curious as to Alice's past. This story is my attempt to flesh together the missing pieces of her mysterious past.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 10,586 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 7/1/2009 - Published: 6/6/2009 - Alice, Jasper
The Nymph and the Waterfall by Pastiche Pen reviews
Someone is spying on Bella at an "inconvenient" time. There's a gnome and a crap ex-best friend. All-human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 84,166 - Reviews: 3114 - Favs: 3,172 - Follows: 1,071 - Updated: 6/15/2009 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Wilting by GuineaPigBarbie reviews
So, this is my life, a childish game. Ruled by God, damned by fate. A game of love and lost." AU/Human
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 45,530 - Reviews: 912 - Favs: 658 - Follows: 931 - Updated: 5/18/2009 - Published: 7/20/2008
Stephenie Meyer and the Uterus of Steel by browniechadowes reviews
Hey all, I'm back, dragging the Twilight characters kicking and screaming into the final installment of the Twilight parodies. Rated M for... well, have you read Breaking Dawn? *shudders*
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 41 - Words: 41,745 - Reviews: 338 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 4/20/2009 - Published: 1/22/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A World Without Sound by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
AU, BxE. My name is Bella Swan; good at sign language and karate. My best friend is deaf, and you know what? It doesn't matter. Won twice at Twilight Awards, and has been nominated more. Please review!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 105,849 - Reviews: 7697 - Favs: 9,055 - Follows: 2,559 - Updated: 9/27/2008 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete