Bre J
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Joined 03-13-09, id: 1865976, Profile Updated: 05-12-11
Author has written 4 stories for Twilight, and Host.

So, I'm not that big of a Twilight fan anymore... I've stopped writing those stories. I tried my best to go back and rewrite and fix them but none of them seemed to be going in the right direction. Sorry guys D:

- Bre

Don't tick me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

If at first you don't succeed, Destroy all evidence you did.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity just got framed

If you're going to be two-faced, sweetie, then at least make one of them pretty.

An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you don't check under the bed for monsters, but you do check behind the shower curtain for vampires/werewolves/witches/FBI/murderers/LindseyLohan

Don't worry about the world ending today! It's already tomorrow in Australia!

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

If you die on an elevator, make sure you press the up button.

You Might Be a Blond If...

You tried to drown a fish.

Someone told you your cellphone died, so you buried it.

You look for something, only to realize it was in your hand the whole time.

You have complete faith in a doctor whose office plants have died.

You locked yourself in your own car.

You can't fix your brakes, so you make the horn louder instead.

You gave an ADHD kid markers.

You accidently drowned because there was a scratch & sniff at the bottom of a pool.

You call someone to for help because your T.V. isn't working, only you realize it wasn't plugged up in the first place.

What to say if a guy actually uses these pickup lines

Man: Where have you been all my life?

Women: Any where you aren't.

Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?

Women: Yes, that's why I stopped going there.

Man: Your place or mine?

Women: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?

Women: Do not enter.

Man: What do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and so will this one if you sit in it.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'u' and 'i' together.

Women: I'd put 'f' and 'u' together.

Friends bring you a tissue to dry your tears.

Best friends have a shovel ready to bury the asshole who did this to you.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

This is a joke I found on www.ajokeaday.com Hope u like it!

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the tutor over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The tutor tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.
I typed, "Leave me alone!" They both jumped back as this appeared on their screen.
"What the..." the tutor said.
I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!"
It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!"
Etc.
Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer, and fell out of my chair laughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

Cloths make the man... Naked people have very little or no influence on society.

Early to rise, early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead.

People have the right to be stupid but some abuse that power.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Patience is not a virtue, it's a waste of time.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first one you thought of.

Genius may have it's limitations but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

If you have a mind that you're sure no one will understand, copy this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

WARNING: MAY NEED TISSUES FOR THESE:

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl:Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy:No, this is fun.

Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy:Then tell me you love me.

Girl:I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this into your profile if you would do this for someone you love.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don’t want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree

OK, I won't really publish a lot.I mostly read stories, but the stories I do write I would like alot of people to tell me what they think. I can take a little constructive criticism. So don't hold back and tell me what you really think.

My fav. copy paste thingy:

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but my fist will break your jaw!

I like the word spork.

I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous.

Death is God’s way of saying “You’re fired.”
Suicide is Human’s way of saying “You can’t fire me- I quit!”

If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
If ya can’t join ‘em, bribe ‘em.
If ya can’t bribe ‘em, blackmail ‘em.
If ya can’t blackmail ‘em, kill ‘em.
If ya can’t kill ‘em, you’re screwed.

Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.

“He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.”

“This isn’t just goodbye, this is I can’t stand you.”

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.

If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there ... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

“Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?”

The sun has set, the moon has risen, today’s the day we get out of prison!!

You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I’ll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet.

You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake."
Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!"

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

I’m so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.”

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because ‘They’ve seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.’ These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

“Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.”

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you’re bored

Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.

If you veiw this profile, copy/paste this on your profile and read "A Child

Called 'It'" Child abuse should be stopped immediately! If you don't you have no heart ! BTW: It's a true story.

K. Here r some funny things I got from Moosie49

Whoever said that words don't hurt never got hit with a dictionary

Don't yawn in the shower, you might drown.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Post this on your profile if you hate racism

A friend will walk into your house without ringing the doorbell or knocking, a best friend will walk in and yell,"I'm home!"
A friend will call your parents by their first names, a best friend will call them Mom and Dad.
A friend will tell you that your a great singer even if you're terrible, a best friend will tell you that you suck.

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

At school today my friend Smantha (Sammie Rocks) asked a really good question. "Can vampires get AIDs?." I, personally don't know. If you think you do PM me about it.

Here's a joke I found on another profile I just had to post...

There are three men who need to get across a lake...

The first one prays to god to get the strength to get across...

He gets big muscles and swims across...

But he almost died five times...

The second one prays to god for the strength and tools to get across...

He gets his big muscles and a boat and rows across...

but he almost died three times...

The third one prays for the strength, tools, and brain to get across...

He turns into a woman...

walks four yards...

and across the bridge.

Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

If you hate child abuse then repost this on your profile. If you don't then you have no soul!!

okay here r some of those thingies u can copy and paste if u like ( if u think there's 2 many well tough, they're funny!)

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will hand you a Kleenex and ask you “Who do I have to kill?”
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend convinces you not to jump off the cliff. A best friend hugs you "Goodbye, I'll miss you. Can I have your I-pod?"

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask directions.

Boys are like trees - they take 50yrs to grow up.

All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies

Boys are like slinkies; practically useless, and yet it is SO amusing to watch them fall down the stairs!!

Smile... it confuses people.

My mind works like lightning...one flash and then it's gone.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter

"Insanity is my only means of relaxation."

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons!

If you don’t get everything you want, think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want.

My favorite word is sarcasm

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?”

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your pro!

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you bite your friends shoulder because you are bored. Crazy is when you convince yourself you’re a mythical creature and try to make other believe the same. Crazy is when you type random (and suggestive) things on an msn convo when your friend has added people you don't know and they leave. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can’t.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorph version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family etc. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.

If you don't understand the joke, don't ask. Laugh with the group and Google it later.

He: Is this seat empty?
She: Yes, and so is mine if you sit down.

He: Can I invite you a drink?
She: I'd rather you gave me the money.

He: Can I have this song?
She: All yours.

He: Your body is like a temple.
She: Sorry, no services today.

He: Where were you all my life?
She: Hiding from you.

He: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She: Nothing. I can't laugh and talk at the same time

If heat rises, shouldn't hell be cold?

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

Enemies are like bugs, they never seem to go away.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

There is a light at the end of every tunnel...just pray it's not a train!

I'm not insensitive; I just don't care

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eyes.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

~pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit.

"The dinosaurs’ extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide."

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you just end up digging your hole deeper, throw away the shovel and climb back out.

When there is nothing to do during class, proclaim to the entire class that you are on a mission for world domination and the first to contradict you will be the first to die.

If you're a fan of Edward Cullen, save a cow, eat a lion.

If you're a fan of Bella Swan, then you've got issues, girl.

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon, Copy and paste this to your profile

If you think that disclaimers are the most annoying things EVER Copy and paste this to your profile

If you think that Twilight is the best book know to woman... (And man!) Copy/paste this into your profile

If, when you have a boy, you'll seriously consider naming him Edward...copy/paste this into your profile

If, when you have a girl, you'll seriously consider naming her Isabella...copy/paste this into your profile

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you are willing to admit that you are absolutely in love with Edward Cullen, a completely fictional character...copy/paste this into your profile

If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Edward)...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.

If whenever you see a silver Volvo and you start to scream "Edward", copy and paste this in your profile

If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you flip whenever you see someone reading a Twilight series book and you want to talk to them all about it, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are Team Edward, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friends are considering torturing you because you won't shut up about the Twilight series, copy and paste this in your profile

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you think Bella is out of her mind for saying no to Edward's proposal in New Moon and you want to hit her hard upside the head with a blunt axe, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you agree with Bella that her life without Edward is useless then copy this to your profile.

IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM!

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

If you get ticked and throw a fit until all the people in the room leave because someone said the characters of Twilight aren't real, copy this onto your profile

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s including Bella Disorder.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

If you think Edward Cullen is the cutest boy on the planet copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you call everyone in the phone book that has the last name Cullen. Crazy is when you honestly belive Edward exists. Crazy is when you can quote the twilight saga after only reading it once! If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid a--.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile (Hee hee, Twilight...)

It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken.

Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise

Being mature is overrated.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, dang, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass.

When all else fails blow stuff up

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you

If you can't laugh at yourself make fun of other people

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape

A good friend tries to help you when you get hurt. A true friend sits there laughing their ass off saying "Dude, you're an idiot!"

"why r u putting sparkles on your face?" "cause it makes me feel like a VAMPIRE!"

Edward and ME becuse Bella just aint good enough! (come on, we all know the story wouldnt b the same lol)

i' booooooooooooored, if u get bored often copy and paste this 2 ur profile

XXEmmetts Unicorn SongXX

Unicorns Fly Over The Sky..

Fly Over the sky ( X2)

They Fly Fly Fly Fly

Over The Sky...

THe unicorns Fly

OVer the SKY... (Repeat X3)

UNICORNS !!)X2)

Scream:WOO HOO!!

HAHA

If you've ever cussed out an inanimate object before, copy/paste this into your profile

first pick 12 random charters

1. Bella 2. Edward

3. Jasper 4. Alice

5. Jane 6. Alec

7. Jacob 8. Seth

9. Esme 10. Carlise

11. Tanya 12. Mike

next use these question enertain your self for hours!!

1. have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

No. Maybe, if the plot is good.

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

No, I think of her like a sister! PERVERT!!

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

Ewww... Seth prego? HE AIN'T A FREAKING GIRL! PERVERT!!

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?

Not in my knowledge, no.

5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Maybe... IN CRAZY TOWN!! AHHA HAHAHHAHAHAHAH

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

Jane + Mike. I wanna see if she kills him or not! Or if they fall in love, that works too...

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?

LOL!! Jacob walked in on Edward and Mike having... omg... lolloolololololololol

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

Erm... Not very easy. Jasper is on a baseball team and Carlise is his father and coach. Alice is a specator and a vampy and get Jasper. Jasper bites Carlise and ect. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT, IT'S HARD!

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

Wow, that would have worked if I put Jacob in eight, but no. There is no such thing as BellaxSeth... or maybe there is. idk.

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.

Jacob imprints on Mike, but Mike will not admit he is gay. He later gets involved with drugs after Jessica dies in a car crash and he had a OD(Over dose) and died. Jacob's hope and soul died when Mike died and he has a small hope he will imprint on someone else... someone like, not a dude.

11. Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?

idk what you mean, but no.

12. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?

YES! And it's freaking cool.

13. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?

Yes.

14. If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

I WOULDN'T write a song fic. It's not my thing.

15. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

warning? ummm... CAUTION: MAY CONTAIN THE MIKE NEWTON VIRUS. IF YOU SUSPET YOU ARE INFECTED WITH SUCH VIRUS, YOU ARE TOTTALLY SCREWED DUDE!

16. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

... Never...? Do I get the one million dollars now?

17. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).

Bella and Jacob are in a happy relationship until Esme runs off with Jacob. Bella, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Tanya(gross...) and a brief unhappy afair with Mike, then follows the wise advice of Jane and finds true love with Jasper.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOL.

18. What would this fanfic be called?

idk, I would call it something along the lines of CRAZY!

15 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. If there is a McDonalds in your Walmart, find the bench where the statue of Ronald sits and sit in his lap and kiss his fake lips while saying 'I love you. You are so much more handsomer than my last bf. I know, I know. Just shh...'

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.

2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?

3. Your first initial?

4. Your month of birth?

5. Which color do you like more, black or white?

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

7. Your favorite number?

8. Do you like California or Florida more?

9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

Are you done?

If so, scroll down

(don't cheat--)

THE ANSWERS

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose:

Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you

love.

Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are

down.

3. If your initial is:

A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to

blossom.

S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. If you were born in:

Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you

fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but

the memories will last forever.

July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life

changing experience for the good.

Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your

soulmate.

5. If you choose...

Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time

but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do

anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.

8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.

9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday

-if you wish twilight was real post this on your profile

-if you can't love any boy because of stephanie meyer post this on your profile thanks stephanie meyer

- if you love twilight (and all twilight characters ) post this on your profile

- if you are a proud love struck obbsessor of Edward Anothony Mason Cullen then copy this onto your profile

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that Writers' Block sucks, paste this into your profile.If you have your own little world, copy this into your profile

If you spend multiple hours of your day reading or writing, or a combination of both, put this into your profile.If you and your friend break out into song in a public area, put this into your profile

A true friend is someone who will try to answer the "eraser bits" question and have a long conversation about it. A friend is someone who won't say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing to, just help you cry. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this in your profile.

REMEMBER WHEN ..

Getting high meant swinging on a swing at a playground?
The worst thing you could get from a boy was cooties?
'Mum' was your hero
and 'Dad' was the boy you wanted to marry?
When your worst enemies were your siblings
and race issues were about who ran fastest?
When - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?

Remember when all you wanted to do
was grow up...?

Put this on your profile if your still 5 years old inside.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this into your profile.

twilight is my drug and my anti-drug.

I don't really believe this but it's weird:This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

a true friend will hold that hand when they want to strangle u. A best friend will go ahead any way.

A friend will help you up when you fall. A best friend will be the one to trip you.

The Tyger by william blake ( as seen in in the forest of the night by Amelia At-water Rodes)

Tyger Tyger. burning bright,
In the forests of the night;
What immortal hand or eye.
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies.
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand, dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat.
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain,
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp.
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears
And watered heaven with their tears:
Did he smile His work to see?
Did he who made the lamb make thee?

Tyger Tyger burning bright,
In the forests of the night:
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Alone by Edger allen Poe (as seen in Demon in my view by Amelia at water Rodes

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

A Tear Fellby Marge Tindal

I shed a tear today
Silently, I felt it fall
You caught it
shared it
held it
felt it
then
suddenly
it wasn't
so big
after all

Yea i love poems so i'll be putting a lot on her. I love to read them and i write them. Here is one im working on:

Life:

Why is the world so cold?

Dark and lonely,

With no one to hold.

Why are people so mean?

And they just want to bring hurt,

I'll tell you what I've seen.

Old memories from the past,

Remembered in the present,

For years to last.

To torture and haunt.

Then. Now. Forever.

Thinking of you just taunts.

You say you've changed,

But how is that?

You have only rearranged.

Yea i know its not finished but i like it...oh yea here's another:

Am I Alone?by Megan HanceI get a funny feeling,
it comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
wanting to go and hide.

My doctor calls it depression,
my dad says it's just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
no one will ever be able to see.

Some say I'm psycho,
some say I'm just weird.
It's like I'm a different person,
and the old me just disappeared.

I get really edgy,
I want to commit suicide real bad.
Then I get a headache,
followed by feeling sad.

I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
it will some day.

That's really sad. Tear...Tear.

Here are some useless but cool facts

the decleration of Independece was written on Maijuana paper

A raisin dropped in fresh Champeigne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the cup to the top.

In ancient Rome, when men testified in court they swore on their testicles.

Coco-cola contained coca (whose active ingredeint was cocaine) from 1885 to 1903

It's estimated that at any one time that 0.7 of the world's population is drunk

The spot on the 7up logo came from the inventor who had red eyes. He was albino

On average 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day

Slugs have four noses

India has a bill of rights for cows

If you sneeze too hard you can fracture a rib. If you try to supress a sneeze you can bust a blood vessel in your neck or head and die. If you keep your eyes open by force they will pop out. (Don't try it DUMBASS)

About 200,000,000 M&Ms are sold every day

If you put a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

. In Disney’s Fantasia, the Sorcerer to whom Mickey played an apprentice was named Yensid (Disney spelled backward).

. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest

The sound you here when you put a seashell next to your ear is not the ocean, but blood flowing through your head

One in every 9000 people is an albino.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

Every year 4 people in the UK die putting their trousers on.

On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the American flag is flying over the Parliament Building.

An American urologist bought Napoleon’s penis for 40,000.

There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.

You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs melted into it

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the ’30s lobbied against hemp farmers (they saw it as competition).

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Julius Caesar’s autograph is worth about 2,000,000.

People say "bless you" when you sneeze because your heart stops for a millisecond.

In 1863, Paul Hubert of Bordeaux, France, was sentenced to life in jail for murder. After 21 years, it was discovered that he was convicted of murdering himself.

Johnny Appleseed planted apples so that people could use apple cider to make alcohol.

If you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer, its stomach will explode.

The two trees

Beloved, gaze in thine own heart.

Gaze no more in the bitter glass

The demons, with their subtile guile.

Lift up before us when they pass,

Or only gaze a little while;

For there a fatal image grows

That the stormy night receives,

Roots half hidden under snows,

Broken boughs and blackened leaves.

For ill things turn to barrenness

In the dim glass the demons hold,

The glass of outer weariness,

Made when God slept in times of old.

There, through the broken branches, go

The ravens of unresting thought;

Flying, crying, to and fro,

Cruel claw and hungrey throat,

Or else they stand and sniff the wind,

and shake their ragged wings; alas!

They tender eyes grow all unkind:

Gaze no more in the bitter glass.

W.B Yeats (As seen in Shattered Mirror by Amelia At-water Rhodes)

I Never Knew

I never knew how bad it was;

I heard it did exist.

I was appalled at this crime

that robbed youth

Of their "special" time.

I never knew how bad it hurt;

The bruises and scars aren't seen.

And why somewhere along life's way,

The Brutality of abuse

Has made you pay.

I never knew how you felt;

Your self-esteem so low.

I only knew how you crept away,

And never let your feelings show.

I never knew what I could do;

That I could help somehow.

That all you needed was a friend;

Just someone to be your pal.

But now I know that I can help;

I can make a diffrence, too.

I'll stand with you; I'll shout with you,

And the rest can't say, "I never knew."

- Cindy M Adams

Child Help USA offers a 24-hour crisis hot line, national information and referall network for support groups and therapists, and for reporting suspected abuse.

6463 Independence Avenue

Woodland Hills, CA 91367

(800) 422-4453

If you think child abuse should be stopped, you know someone who was/is abuse, or you were abused copy/paste this on your profile.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Grace by ThisCloseMisguidedGhost reviews
Seth's finally Imprinted! It's the new Girl at school. Gracelen Madison is beautiful, graceful, kind, and mute meaning she can't speak prima ballerina. She's also Jake's cousin! But what about her past what is it that scares her? Can Seth help?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 36 - Words: 70,768 - Reviews: 329 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 116 - Updated: 12/9/2012 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Seth, Jacob
How To Annoy The Cullen's by JustBella reviews
Each chapter gives you ten funny ways to annoy a Cullen.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 210 - Reviews: 316 - Favs: 111 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 2/5/2012 - Published: 3/11/2009
The Newest Member Of The Cullen Family by X-Lily-Evans-X reviews
When a six year old Bella's parents die in a car accident she isn't sure where she will go. But then she meets a friendly doctor and his family. She builds a close bond with them and eventually they adopt her. This is about Bella growing up as a Cullen.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 18 - Words: 21,114 - Reviews: 295 - Favs: 174 - Follows: 154 - Updated: 8/1/2011 - Published: 4/14/2009 - Bella
Emmett's Entertainment by moosie49 reviews
Sorry for the lack of... um... updation? anyways, its basically funny Emmett with mostly Bella stories... Had fun writing them, so I hope you have fun reading them...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 6,388 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 2/7/2011 - Published: 8/15/2008 - Emmett, Bella
Someone Wake Me Up by MadderThanTheCheshire reviews
AU - It's been three years since Edward left Bella, and now she's moving on with her life as a singer in a band. What happens when the Cullen's show up at one of her concerts?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 19 - Words: 47,183 - Reviews: 646 - Favs: 460 - Follows: 375 - Updated: 2/6/2011 - Published: 1/1/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Death Slinky by Illisandria Carthain reviews
Crackfic. Something me and a friend came up with in Physics.
Invader Zim - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 463 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/2/2010 - Zim, Gir - Complete
Naughty by LovelyBowie reviews
Freaky Fred finds a peeking interest
Courage: The Cowardly Dog - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,596 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 2/28/2010 - Published: 2/8/2010 - Freaky Fred
Talent's: Part 1 by TheoneandonlyWolf-man reviews
This is a collab between me and Seth'sONLYIMPRINT. It is our take on the Twilight world. It's about a girl named Kyra and how she goes through everyday life. She then meets Chanik and finds out that Stephanie Meyer was not far off in the world of vampires
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 58,254 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/10/2010 - Published: 5/3/2009
the next host by the-hunger-games-vampire reviews
there is a lot if mystery going around in the caves and many secrets are about to be known but who is keeping the secrets, and who will they tell? Come and find out. All these people belong to stephenie meyer but I wish I owned Ian O' Shea. :p hehehehehe!
Host - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 8,141 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 2/8/2010 - Published: 6/9/2009 - Wanderer/Wanda, Ian O.
Run, Jake, run! by Sophia24 reviews
Jake's in trouble with Edward and Bella. what would you do if you had two furious vampires after you? run, of course! Jake/Nessie. Now a multi-chaptered fic.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,862 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 11/15/2009 - Published: 3/30/2009 - Jacob, Renesmee C./Nessie
Randomly Random Randomness Featuring The Cullens! by Foxy 'mallow reviews
just random stuff thats hopefully funny, OOC! I know theres plenty stories like this but i like them so i figured i'd write my own! R&R please!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 2,521 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 9/6/2009 - Published: 12/9/2008
My Life Would Suck Without You by Kimblekn reviews
AH OOC Bella moves to Forks to be with Charlie and her brother Emmett. Also to escape her past! When she meets Edward will she fall in love and be happy? Will James return? What about her new two best friends? How are they alike? Criticism is welcome!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 64,797 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 148 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 8/1/2009 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Prank on Jacob! IM Style by Twi.MaxRide.Crazy reviews
Edward and Bella decide to pull a prank on Jacob...That's technically it. LOL.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 12,737 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 6/17/2009 - Published: 2/4/2009 - Complete
Vampire Im by TeamJempwarth reviews
The Cullens Discover Im.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 949 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 6/17/2009 - Published: 5/21/2008 - Complete
How Do I Live Without You? by Caffin9 reviews
Edward leaves Bella In New Moon and she stumbles through the forest, but it isn’t Sam who finds her. Who could it be? Bella-Vampire E/b, J/A, C/Es Em/R possible OC pairings :D
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 38,469 - Reviews: 312 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 6/17/2009 - Published: 1/30/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Emmett's List of Annoyance by Still-Obsessed reviews
with commentry from Emmett himself! Read and review, please!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,479 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 6/14/2009 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Emmett - Complete
ALICE CULLEN by Daddy's Little Bloodsucker reviews
If you are reading this, that means you've just purchased your very own ALICE CULLEN. Go through the guide for more information on the item purchased. Funny.one-shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,069 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 6/8/2009 - Published: 5/24/2009 - Alice - Complete
Straitjacket by CSSNDRSTN reviews
All Alice wanted to do was to save her little sister from heart aches. Who knew that this would be her mother's reaction? Who knew they'd lock her up, treat her illness with electric shocks, making her memory fade?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 19,277 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 5/22/2009 - Published: 2/18/2009 - Alice - Complete
EMMETT CULLEN by Daddy's Little Bloodsucker reviews
If you are reading this, that means you've just purchased your very own EMMETT CULLEN. Go throught the guide for more information on the item purchased. Funny.one-shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,265 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 5/11/2009 - Published: 3/8/2009 - Emmett - Complete
EDWARD CULLEN by Daddy's Little Bloodsucker reviews
If you are reading this, that means you've just purchased your very own EDWARD CULLEN. Go throught the guide for more information on the item purchased. Funny.one-shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,238 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 5/11/2009 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Edward - Complete
50 Things To Do When You're Bored by Lost in Believing reviews
50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Cullen Style. You never know what could happen in the Cullen Household. Hilarity ensured for some chapters. Sometimes other people are brought into the craziness...All 50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Now Complete!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 52 - Words: 76,434 - Reviews: 3223 - Favs: 949 - Follows: 434 - Updated: 4/13/2009 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Complete
Broken By Two Sides by twilightjhawk reviews
Renesmee finally reaches the age of 16, and realizes that she never had a say on her imprint with jacob. What will happen when she finds a new love? Will Jacob and her go their seperate ways?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,424 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 3/29/2009 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Twilight Poems by shining star21 reviews
Poems about the Twilight characters.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 357 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 3/15/2009 - Published: 3/1/2008 - Rosalie, Emmett
Throwing Up by bemj11 reviews
Warning: Unlike most of my other works, this one is intentionally stupid. But the idea hit me and wouldn't let me go until I wrote it and published it. What happens when the Cullens are thought to be anorexic in their new school? Post Breaking Dawn.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,692 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 11 - Published: 2/5/2009 - Bella - Complete
The Haunting of Phillip by I'mNotWhoYouThink reviews
Edward gets a dog. Things go terribly wrong. Edward wants his mommy. T for Language
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,129 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/22/2009 - Edward, Emmett
Foresight by snarkysweetness reviews
Set before Twilight. Emmett wants to get Edward a girl already, Jasper thinks it will never happen, but Alice knows better, and everyone knows better than to be against Alice.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 719 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/15/2009 - Emmett, Jasper - Complete
Detach by Jamieson Zed reviews
The evening after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon. "It was my fault, my decision, my resignation, and my destruction."
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,171 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 6 - Published: 1/9/2009 - Edward, Carlisle - Complete
Nessie's Sun, Nessie's Moon: Fighting Destiny by sarenelsoria reviews
A Jacob and Nessie story, Nessie is about to turn seven hears Jake and Leah talking and misunderstands. When Nahuel comes to town with his sister and newborn nephew will she fall for him? Will Jake be shadowed by another?First story finished sequel posted
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 34 - Words: 93,995 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 12/27/2008 - Published: 8/24/2008 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Nahuel - Complete
Cullen Christmas Carols by sarenelsoria reviews
Christmas Carols, Cullen Style! First carol up Deck The Halls Volturi style.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,035 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/9/2008
Breaking News by Justine Lark reviews
The day Bella and Edward tell everyone at school they're getting married-- if they had gotten engaged before graduation-- from Edward's POV. Will Edward like what Jessica, Mike, Angela and others are thinking? Sparkle Award Best One-Shot!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,060 - Reviews: 226 - Favs: 522 - Follows: 86 - Published: 11/9/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Beauty That Tamed The Beast by sarenelsoria reviews
A composition of imprint stories. Paul imprints on Irish/relation of Jacob. The pack imprints on four siblings, cousins of Jacob. Written before Breaking Dawn AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 39,190 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 3/15/2008 - Published: 2/21/2008 - Paul - Complete
A Rose By Any Other Name by sarenelsoria reviews
A poem for Rosalie, no one really seems to ever want to do anything about her.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 150 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/6/2008 - Rosalie - Complete
The Thorns and Beauty Of The Rose by sarenelsoria reviews
An imprinting story about Leah, Seth and Embry's imprints.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 24,995 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 3/5/2008 - Published: 2/29/2008 - Complete
Red Eyes Meet Gold by sarenelsoria reviews
Emmett has a brother that was also changed. He drinks human blood as he knows of no other way 80 years later Bella and Edward come and change everything for Edgard. He fallows them looking for the ideal moment to show himself. First few chapters are intro
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 22,127 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 2/7/2008 - Published: 2/3/2008 - Emmett
Volterra A Silly Song by sarenelsoria reviews
Self explanitory
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 183 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/6/2008 - Aro, Marcus - Complete
Twin Imprint 2 by sarenelsoria reviews
Fallow the adventures of the children of Bella Edward, Jacely and Jacob. They imprint on each other and are werevamps. they go to meet their family.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,192 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 2/3/2008 - Published: 2/1/2008
Twin imprint by sarenelsoria reviews
Bella has a twin that was adopted. At eighteen she finally finds her family and goes to meet them. She meets more then she bargained for when she Imprints upon Jacob. Second generation starts on chapter 16 or 17 better to read it all though BXE children.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 18 - Words: 13,186 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 2/1/2008 - Published: 1/28/2008 - Complete
Young Love Was Never Easy by sarenelsoria reviews
The story of Jacob's daughter Jacely and Bella and Edward's adopted son Edwin
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,348 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/31/2008 - Published: 11/9/2007
Love is Eternal by sarenelsoria reviews
Jacob is struggling without Bella. At the same time Bella realizes that she loves both Jacob and Edward. She becomes a vampire and discovers a way to have them both. Throw in the volturi and Bella's unusual gift and you have my story.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 26,852 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 1/28/2008 - Published: 10/17/2007 - Jacob - Complete
Flying through the forest by sarenelsoria reviews
A poem i wrote about bella and edward's runs through the forest.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 54 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/5/2007 - Bella, Edward
Radiant Light by sarenelsoria reviews
Edward and Bella, short poems i wrote from their point of veiw. I am pleased with the way they turned out but judge for yourself.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 196 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/5/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Put One Paw In Frount Of The Other by sarenelsoria reviews
Leah's take on the Events in her life. Why she is what she is and what has formed her.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,563 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/22/2007 - Published: 10/18/2007 - Leah, Seth - Complete
Sitting with Seth by sarenelsoria reviews
Seth's take on eclipse hope you enjoy it
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,687 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/22/2007 - Published: 10/17/2007 - Complete
Songs for Twilight Fans by sarenelsoria reviews
Some random songs I made up when i was bored, including Mike the Vampire Slayer and an Vampire version of the song i am a lumberjack.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 404 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/21/2007 - Mike, Alice - Complete
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Old Moon reviews
This is the first chapter I wrote one day when I was thinking what it would be like if Bella stayed with Jacob instead of Edward. NOTE: I do not own any of these characters, I also do NOT own Twilight. R&R Please!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 8 - Words: 2,475 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 5/8/2010 - Published: 3/16/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Host: A New Addition reviews
We all know in the end Wanda ends up with Ian right? Well, what happens when there's a new addition to the everyday cave life? Sry. Suck at summeries. R&R Please!
Host - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,612 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 5/8/2010 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Wanderer/Wanda, Ian O.
Secrets reviews
Ummm. Idk what to say...This is basicaly what I thought would happen if Bella was abused... Sry for the sucky title and summery. R&R Please!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 565 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 5 - Published: 3/7/2010 - Bella, Jacob
Accident and Emergency reviews
What happens when Bella dies and it's all Edward's fault? Srry about the suckish summery! Edward's POV. Autor's Note: I do not own Twilight or any of the Characters. Sorry about the fact that chapter 1 says 3. R&R Please!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 3 - Words: 965 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 1/4/2010 - Published: 5/13/2009 - Edward, Bella
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