Author has written 36 stories for Twilight, Uglies, Sims, Glee, Sonny with a Chance, Harry Potter, and Surviving High School.
Location: Ontario, Canada
That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.
Klaine (Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson, Glee)
Brittana (Brittany Pierce/Santana Lopez, Glee)
Channy (Chad Dylan Cooper/Sonny Monroe, Sonny With a Chance)
Spuffy ("Spike"/Buffy Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Tillow/Wara/Tarow/Willara/MacRosen/Rosenclay? (Willow Rosenberg/Tara Maclay, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!
Sonny With a Chance
Sonny: Does this fat suit make me look fat?
Sonny: Oh my gosh! You are a drama snob! And you do think you're better than us.
Grady: Well if it isn't Chad Dylan Pooper!
Chad: Sonny...Cloudy, Rainy.
Chad: If we don't act soon, dare I say it, they might become more popular than us.
Zora: And look at this rug! Ming dynasty. Hand woven. It makes me want to do carpet angels.
Chad: Alright, look. After you barged onto our stage earlier, I had to hire Reggie here and put your pictures on the "do not admit" wall.
Tawni: I'm pretty enough for lobster. I'm cool enough for lobster. I am lobster worthy.
Grady: Come on! Tell us what's inside the box.
Sonny: Why are you helping me?
Nico: What's in your pants?
Sonny: Well, at least my show brings joy to our viewers.
Chad: Sonny's always cute. She can't do anything without it being cute. Stupid cute.
Tawni: There are two things I like; me being right and you being not right.Tawni: We're going somewhere so cool, so exclusive, so underground, it doesn't even exist.
Sonny: The prom is cancelled.
Chad: If I wanna think you have pretty hair, then I will.
Grady: Your game stinks!
Sonny: Giving back is what's hot.
Chad: Sonny! Sonny, come here. I need to tell you something in case I don't make it.
Chad: Give it to me straight, Doc. I can take it.
Chad: You took my name!?
Sonny: I need to talk to you immediatly
Sonny: Let me tell you something. 24 hours ago I fell in love with a guy named Mackenzie, and you Chad, are no-
Nico: Flowers? A Mack Falls box set? And a picture of Chad...holding flowers...and a Mack Falls box set?
Sonny: He who checks cookie, checks into hospital.
Nico: Chad, I have to say I've always hated you for having your own plane.
Chad: I missed you, shortstack.
Sonny: This is like a bad episode of Mackenzie Falls.
Chad: Ohhh. Is there trouble in the funny hut?
Chad: Oh, hey babe.
Chad: Can't you see m'lady's not feeling well.
Sonny: (Sarcastically) You're so good to me.
Chad: My name is Chad Dylan Cooper. And today, I will be your substitute Sonny.
Chad: Quick! Mix it up, Chaz.
Kurt: They're going to throw fruit at us. And I just had a facial.
Kurt: My body is like a rum chocolate souffle. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise.
Ken: You make this, and you die a legend.
Rachel: I'm like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live.
Kurt: Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker.
Kurt: Someone get me to a day spa! Stat!
Kurt: I have an ipod dedicated exclusively to selections from Wicked. This is amazing.
Kurt: He's cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows.
Kurt: Makeovers are like crack to me.
Rachel: I'm sorry for calling you contemptible and deplorable.
Kurt: It makes it hard to appreciate your talent because I wanna shove a sock in your throat.
Kurt: I say we lock Rachel up until after sectionals. I volunteer my basement.
Brittany: Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?
Kurt: Can you go now? I'm a half hour behind on my moisturizer routine and I need to get up early.
Brittany: I'm pretty sure my cat is reading my diary.
Kurt: Oh Bambi, I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy.
Brittany: I had a cold and I took all my antibiotics at the same time and I forgot how to leave.
Rachel (to Puck): Your arms are lovely, but I just don't see us working out.
Brittany: Kissing my arm pits is a really big turn-on for me.
Burt: If things get serious, use protection.
Kurt: [Lady Gaga] changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners
Kurt: I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week
Brittany: I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist
Mercedes: You get to wear a fabulous hat.
Rachel: At least I didn't fall and break my talent.
Brittany: Is God an evil dwarf?
Kurt: [God] makes me gay and then makes His followers go around saying it's a choice, as if I'd choose to be mocked every day of my life.
Will: What's a duet?
Rachel: Kurt, we have a lot more in common then you think
Artie: You've never made eye contact with me.
Kurt: You can't punch the gay out of me any more than I can punch the ignoramus out of you.
Brittany: Mr. Shu taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I thought they sounded too similar and got frustrated
Finn: Are you sure we should free 300 live doves indoors? Won't that get messy?
Kurt: My Power Rangers got married and divorced in so many combinations, they were like Fleetwood Mac
Kurt: Just a friend. But on the upside, I'm in love with him and he's actually gay. So we'll call that progress.
Brittany: I don't want to die yet. At least not until One Tree Hill gets cancelled.
Kurt: Blaine and I love football. Well, Blaine loves football. I love scarves.
Kurt: I had a cat thrown at me in a nursing home once.
Rachel (to Blaine): Your face tastes awesome.
Kurt: Those weren't weird faces. Those were my sexy faces.
Kurt: Sometimes I don't feel like we're The Warblers. I feel like we're Blaine and the Pips
Blaine: We should practice
A VERY POTTER MUSICAL
Harry: But in Spiderman 3, everything sucks and falls to shit! I don't want my life to be like Spiderman 3. God, I hated that movie.
Ron: (Eating giant Hershey bar) No, it's not that. It's Hermione. It's just like, I can't get her out of my head and everytime I look at her, I get all these pains in my chest and I just know it's her fault. That BITCH!
Harry: Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anyone else on the planet!
Harry: I don't know man. Cedric Diggory, he's pretty awesome. NOT! He sucks! I'm totally gonna win. It's in the bag.
Draco: Don't kill it! It's Zefron!
Draco: I want Hermione Granger! And a rocket ship.
Harry: So, you're like a clairvoyant, you can see the past, present, and future, all at the same time?
Hermione: You're not invincible, Harry. Someone died in this tournament.
Harry: Hey Malfoy, tell you what, I'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give you the chance to switch dragons with me, Ill give you that opportunity.
Mrs. Weasley: I came here with the Order of the Pheonix. Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, Sirius Black, and your brother Fred.
(Ginny walks up)
Draco: Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come. Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum yum yum.
Draco: Now you're just being cute. I CAN'T GO TO PIGFARTS. IT'S ON MAAARS, YOU NEEED A ROCKETSHIP. Do you have a rocketship, Potter? I bet you do. You know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died; Look at this. Rocketship Potter. Starkid Potter. Moooonshoes Potter. TRAVERSING THE GALAXY FOR INTERGALATIC TRAVELS TO PIGFARTS.
Voldemort: You'd think killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't...it just makes them dead.
Ron: You guys, go barricade the door. And Cho, make sure Neville's not dead. Uhhh, you guys...go get snacks...ah shit, we barricaded the door.
Harry: I was wondering if you had heard of something. Uh, Voldemort is back, Cedric is dead, Professor Quirrel was crazy, and I have to save the world! Did you hear that, hermoine?!
Draco: You know who I think the ugliest girl in this school is? That Hermione Granger. You know what I'd give her, on a scale of one to ten? One, one being the ugliest, and ten, pretty? I would give her... an eight. Eight-point-five.. or a nine. But not, NOT above a nine-point-eight. There is always room for improvement. Not everyone can be perfect, like me. That's why I'm holding out for a ten. Because I'm worth it.
Harry: Where is the invisibility cloak?
Harry: I love all you guys...except for you, Draco. I can't fucking stand you.
Harry: I'm Harry Potter. I play guitar. I'm awesome!
Ron: I'm just gonna go curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days.
Ginny: (Hands Yule Wreath to Harry)
Snape: Watch...me...closely... (Dies)
Dumbledore: A funny thing actually happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference won't be back till next year.
Harry: Beautiful? More like SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot!
Ginny: Oh my Rowling. What happened, Harry Potter?
Harry: I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I can do that morally!
Ron: This thing is so damn awesome! OH MY GOD! Every wizard should have a sword, not these stupid drumsticks; FORGET ABOUT THEM!
Dumbledore: What would Zac Efron say at a time like this? 'We're all in this together!'
Ron: Holy Shit, MOM! You just killed her! i thought you were going to tuck in her shirt or make her do the dishes!!
Dumbledore: Basically, I've just been putting anyone who looks like a good guy into Gryfindor, anyone who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin and everyone else can just go where ever the hell they want.
Voldemort: Voldemort out, bitches!
Harry: Do you think it could.. I dunno, make a girl fall in love with me?
Harry: What are you nuts? Beautiful? More like Supermegafoxyawesomehot! She's the hottest girl I've ever met. She's far more attractive, far more appealing, far more interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends. So much more better. And awesome. And if this song is as awesome as I know it is, she's gonna have to make some room in those robes of hers... If you know what I'm saying, cuz it's an innuendo... I wanna have sex with her.
Ron: Wow. This cloak isn't as big as it used to be.
Hermione: Someone's coming again!
Harry: Dumbledore, why do you trust Snape so much?
(After Snape gets bitten by snake)
A Very Potter Sequel
Ron: Hey, pal. That's a pretty cool headband you got there.
Ron: Oh my God! Night troll!
Lupin: I've said it before, Snape, and I'll say it again. You always have been and you always will be a butt trumpet!
Dumbedore: Well, if it isn't Harry fucking Potter! I haven't seen you since you were a cute little baby. Didn't you grow up into a sexy little bitch like your father!
Harry: Where did you get sorted when you came to Hogwarts?
Umbridge: Rule number one: No boys...unless they're cute. Rule number two: No alcohol...unless there's plenty to go around. And rule number three: no parties...unless Umbridge is invited! But seriously girls, if I do catch you with any boys or alcohol, I'm gonna rip your perky little boobs off.
Umbridge: When I was a young human, tears would flow from my eyeballs all the time.
Umbridge: From this day forward, you're gonna do five hundred push ups a day. Except for you, Cho Chang. You don't gotta do a God damn thing.
Ron: Charms...sucks. Potions...sucks. Transfiguration...sucks.
Hermione: My parents say sports are bad for your teeth.
Lupin: I don't know if you know this, but I was your dad's best friend.
Snape: That's absurd!
Draco: Hey! Potter! Hey, Potter! Potter! Potter!
Draco: Just wait til my father here's about this! He'll say... “Draco, you God damn little pooper. Why don't you stop your whining and learn to use the potty like a normal human.” And then, and then he will pull down my diaper and scold me for the mess I've left in it and spank my cheeks as red as cherries.
Snape: Please gather in the courtyard with you signed Hogsmeade permission form. Students without their permission form will be killed.
Draco: You know, Goyle, using the potty's not so bad. I don't know why I was afraid of it all those years. I think I was concerned about falling in, but I have found that if I climb on top of the potty and I put one foot on either side of the potty whole rim, I get a firm footing and I'm actually quite safe. And you know, using the potty's a great time to socialize. You simply look over to the stall next to you and you have a right chat with your neighbour. “Oh! Hello there, good sir. First time using the potty too, eh? Good luck, my man.” And then, I simply squat like so and I do my business...in my diaper as usual, and then, I undo the side latches and let the diaper simply fall into the potty. Yes. Father will hear of this.
Umbridge: I wonder what would happen if I just broke your fingers. Cuz then you wouldn't be able to play the guitar anymore. And then all your little friends would leave you alone and then you would be just like Umbridge. Except Umbridge can kick your ass.
Umbridge: It's time for your punishment.
Draco: (Writing letter) Dear pa-pa, I am writing to you to enquire about my Hogsmeade permission form. I sent it to you on the very first day of school and I am anxiously awaiting it's return with your signature on it. But, but don't rush, Daddy. Missing out on trips like this allows me more time to write letters to you. Yes, things at Hogwarts are going quite swimmingly. I'm the most popular boy at school. Why, even Harry Potter likes me. I'm also the darling of every classroom and the favourite of every professor who has any sense. Oh, most importantly, I have mastered the use of the potty. Yes, yes, I admit I was a late bloomer, but you can imagine my pride as I strode into charms class and said “Oh, hello, gents. Professor Flitwick, sorry for my tardiness. I was just learning how to use the potty.” How the children laughed at me in celebration. I like making people laugh. I also like the potty. I know you haven't done so all year, but you can feel free to write me at any time. (AN: Cue the “awws”) Hugs and butterfly kisses, your Draco. Oh, PS. Tell Mama to bugger off.
Harry: You knew my dad's traitor best friend?
Snape: Hey, Lupin. Want to go look at the full moon with me? Haha. Zombie.
Umbridge: Alright children. Have fun at Hogsmeade. Oh, and don't get killed by Sirius Black.
Dumbledore: In case you were wondering, the D stands for my wiener.
Seamus: You guys ever hear the one about Sirius Black and Flitwick's little brother? So, Flitwick's little brother's walking down the streets of London and Sirius Black, he's in this storm drain...dressed as a clown. And he's like “Yo! Hey, Flitwick's little brother! Down here in this storm drain! It's me, a clown. And Flitwick's little brother's like “Yea, chap? Whatchu want?” And Sirius Black is like “Ohhhh! Flitwick's little brother, you gotta get down here in this storm drain with me cuz you're missing out! We've got a carnival down here! We've got loads of cotton candy and balloons...” And the kid practically flips. He goes, “I gotta get down there. That sounds like a right treat, that does.” So, he reaches down his arm, right? But Sirius Black, he grows these mad teeth and HE BITES THE KID'S HEAD OFF!!!!!!!
(Werewolf jumps out)
Hermione: Are you alright, Ron?
Lupin: Hey, Ron. What are you thinking about? Maybe a snack or a...frumpy little girl?
Dumbledore: Umbridge, stop! Your beef isn't with these sexy boys, it's with me
Harry: In the muggle world, I'm just a - I'm something called a douchebag. I play guitar when everybody just wants to hang out and I make weird covers of Disney songs...I mean, who does that? See, muggles hate that shit. To them I'm just a douchebag. I'm like...Jesse McCartney.
Specs: Oh, I've heard of your dad.
Taz: Robots can't be trusted, mate. Do you know what the first thing a robot ever did? Kill his creator. And then he made more evil robots!
Tootsie: A horse ate my cousin!
Taz: One more comment like that, and I am going to wrap you up in a tortilla. And then I will eat you as a snack. Maybe with some pico de gallo.
Taz: Do you want to know how I feel?
Tootsie: Sorry, sir, she's got the mustache now...I love you.
Krayonder: Thank dead God, man. I thought I was gonna die a virgin.
Junior: Oh, hey, is mom there? I was wondering if I could talk to her actually.
Up: Rangers, I want every single one of you to get back to your dormitory and take a bubble bath. We deserve bubbles on our skin.
Tootsie: Maybe this is all part of God's plan...he made before he died.
Up: Why if it isn't Bug, my oldest friend.
Up: Now you know, Bug...I ain't got no balls...but I'm all heart.
Up: Now I can't even make it through the "sir I wanna buy these Christmas shoes" song withot crying. And I know it's a cheesy song, Bug. I know. But the mama's gonna die...and she's gonna meet Jesus...and she's gonna have some new god damn shoes!!!!!
Bug: Well, you see, the thing is, I like this girl...
February: Bug, I just wanna let you know that I feel really safe with you...but this planet seriously makes me wanna blow chunks.
Bug: That was a good video...until the end when it got sad.
February: Bug! I think I just had a think!
Junior: Bug is a BUG?! I don't believe this!
Bug: Guys, there's something we need to tell you!
February: The Galactic League of Extraterestrial Exploration wants to capture the bugs so they can make their own twisted abominations.
Bug: You're evil!
Tootsie: I changed my name...to Tootsie Mega-girl. Because where I come from, Farm Planet, your first name is what you do and your second name is what you love.
Taz: Damn you. Damn you, you damn fool. Damn you and your big damn heart.
Junior: Yea! I'm smoking pot!
Junior: We have a saying where I come from too: God save the Queen. Lucky for me, God is dead!
Junior: I'm taking that overqueen bastard back to Earth cuz it's gonna make me a million space bucks. And I'm gonna use that money to buy weed!
Junior: I'd say that was really sad and beautiful, but I didn't understand one damn word of it. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!
Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.
Chamber of Secrets:
Draco: Why are you wearing glasses?
Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be follow the butterflies?
Ron [as Cattermole: Oh, my God. What am I gonna do? My wife's all alone downstairs.
Bellatrix: Stupid elf!! You could have killed me!!!
There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.
35 Things You Didn't Know About Neville Longbottom
1. Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom.