epicbeast101
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Joined 03-25-09, id: 1878462, Profile Updated: 08-17-10
Author has written 4 stories for Twilight, and Harry Potter.

TO MY PREVIOUS TWILIGHT FANFIC READERS:

I have moved on to bigger things, meaning I don't really like Twilight anymore. I am sorry, I will not be continuing my Twilight stories.

The Good Ol' Days

You can finish this 'ice ice _' (BABY!)

You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.

when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.

"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet. He's a Hero.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"

You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.

You remember those Where's Waldo books.

You remember eating Warheads.

You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.

You remember Ring Pops.

You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.

If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"

When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.

Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected "Pogs"

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

. . . Furbies

Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

And Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.

Michael Jordan was a king.

YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.

You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie

Carebears

Gak was the coolest stuff invented.

Lambchop's song never ended.

The old dollar bills.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

You remember a time before the WB.

You collected all the Troll dolls

You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" (is it pathetic to still be scared of that stuff))

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!

You remember Highlight's magazine.

You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.

Before the MySpace frenzy . . .

Before the Internet & text messaging . . .

Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .

Before MIKE JONES . . .

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .

Before Spongebob . . .

Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

When light up sneakers were cool.

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.

When gameboy was a brick.

You did MASH to figure out your future

When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.

Way back.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!

Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . . or if you smiled at one of these things

To The Unfair Judgemeny In The World!

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be doing them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas

Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction

Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude

Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I MUST do WEED AND STEAL STUFF

I'm a PUNK so I MUST only wear BLACK and only DATE other PUNKS

I'm ASIAN so I MUST be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil (So I’ve been told)

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins

I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against abortion

I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.

I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be an OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish

I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times

I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake

I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I'm a PERSON so I MUST be LABELED

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others.

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you've ever sung a song you hated so much, copy and paste this into your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you've ever stayed up all night just to watch the sunrise, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you and your friends break out into song in a public area put this on your profile

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you, post this on profile.

95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you like pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst into song for no reason Copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a mirror...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever not known where you were when there was a sign right next to you, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever walked into the men's toilets instead of the ladies or vice versa, paste this onto your profile.

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think the Coca-coca Puff Turky-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers

If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid ass.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

If you have absolutely no idea what "lowlights" are, paste this on your profile

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.

On a package of peanuts: open package, eat nuts. (What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)

On a child's Superman costume: Warning: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly. (I blame the parents for that one)

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A true friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)

Do not turn upside down.

(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:

Do not drive car or operate machinery.

(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:

Warning: keep out of children.

(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

Warning: contains nuts.

(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Being mature is overrated.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!

My name is Sarah

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong

I can't speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While I lay there motionless

Brawled on the floor

My name is Sarah

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILDABUSE, COPY THAT POEM INTO YOUR PROFILE!!

Children in the front seat can lead to accidents,accidents in the back seat can lead to children

Death is God's way of saying your fired. Suicide is man's way of saying 'You can't fire me. I quit'

Come to the Dark Side . . . WE HAVE COOKIES!

Welcome to the Dark Side! Are you surprised we lied about having cookies?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Perfection is a waste of time.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

I blame my attitude on videogames

Harry Potter freak right here baby ;D

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

Heaven doesnt wan't me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

Scared to remember; terrified to forget

I hear your silence loud and clear

I'm not with stupid anymore! I am stupid ;)

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into doors

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

People often ignore the simple things in life. If someone really annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown. On the other hand, it only takes 4 muscles to reach over and bitch slap that retard upside the head.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "to" and "too". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "there", "they're" and "their". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C.C. or The Hills, never have, never will, and are proud of it, put this on your profile.

If you ran up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile .

If you have gotten hit by a basketball, soccer ball, baseball, or volleyball, more than 5 times, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. The irony...

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy and paste this into your profile

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."

He who laughs last didn't get it.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

The road to success is always under construction.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is dumbass cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top lol

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you like to write, copy/paste this in your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever wondered why someone decided to milk a cow, copy/paste this into your profile.

Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, copy this into your profile

If you think Stewie Griffin should take over the world copy and paste this.

have you ever been hurt because you daydreaming,if you have copy and paste on your profile

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.

If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance you thought imposible to choke on), copy this in your profile.

Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can. I cdnuol't blveiee taht I cluod aulactly uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rsceearch at Cmabridge Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. If you can raed tihs, cpoy and ptsae tihs itno yuor pofirle!

THINGS TO DO WHEN IN WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute

intervals.

3 . Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet.

4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on hold.

5. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the houseware and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and

ask,"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. While handling knives in the kitchen ware department ask the clerk

if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

9. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme

from Mission Impossible.

10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout,

"PICK ME! PICK ME!!"

11. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

12. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly..."Hey! We're out of

toilet paper in here!"

13. Go into the Butchers Department and start rubbing steaks up and down on your face saying " oooohhhh that feels so good"

14. Go to the fruit and veg department - get two bananas' and put one in each pocket - walk around the store calling everyone pilgrim in your best John wayne accent sporadically whipping them out of you pocket - making gun

noises and then slumping to the floor as if you've just taken several

bullets to the chest.

15. Bring your own DVD, popcorn, sweets, drinks and nibbles and pick a

nice spot on the floor in the electrical section. Sit cross legged and enjoy the film. (soap operas and kleenex are optional)

16. Take boneless chicken breasts out of the packet and throw them skyward whilst screaming" Fly my little ones, fly and be free!"

17. Randomly jump into people's shopping carts asking "Will you be my mommy?"

Cry me a river build me a bridge do us all a favor and jump off of it.

A northern fairy tale starts out "once upon a time.."

A southern fairy tale starts out "y'all ain't gon' believe this shit!"

Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

Specify that your drive-thru order is to go, it confuses people

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

When I have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins and then run around the mall looking frantic.

I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

Arguing over the internet is like the Special Olympics: even if you do win, you're still retarded.

I respect vegetarians and their decisions, but my thinking is ~ I'm on top of the food chain here, so if I can get it, I can eat it. if a cow figures out how to kill me and eat me, more power to him!

Cancel My Subscription, cuz I'm sick of your issues!!

When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell anonymous

cereal hurts when it gets stuck up your nose

If you could read my mind...you'd be the 2nd smartest person on earth

I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.

I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."

If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.-= Marin County newspaper's TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz" =-

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper

YAY MORE QUOTES!:

Isn't having a smoking section in a resturant like having a peeing section in the pool?

Everyday, I beat my previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

Middle age is when you buy the cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.

When in doubt, make up words!

I’m not clumsy…the floor just hates me

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:

"Put on fork and eat."

(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

I want child abuse to stop, and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I like, can't believe, I like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love reading really long books just for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever sang the "I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves" song copy this into your profile!

If you ever were told to go somewhere and you forgot why and you had to go back to find out copy this into your profile!

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off it's orbit" for a couple scientists’ likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

If you are against racism, post this one your profile!

You MUST READ These If You Have Any Compassion.

HOMOPHOBIA IS GAY

I am the boy who never finished school because I was called a fag everyday.

I am the girl who got kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I was a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because no one will hire a transsexual.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they wouldn't allow my partner of 27 years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up to the nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wished they could adopt me.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before my high school graduation. It was just too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one bedroom for two men.

I am the one person who does not know which bathroom to use so the management doesn't come for me.

I am the mother who is not even allowed to see the children I bore, nursed and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the father who never hugged my son because I grew up afraid to show affection to males.

I am the Home Ec teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians could teach it.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed the doors to my kind.

I am the girl ashamed to tell my own friends that I am a lesbian because they make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men said they needed to 'teach me a lesson'.

I am the person who needs to hide what this world needs the most: love.

IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG- REPOST THIS

Please read this. It might not make since at first about what it's about, but it will at the end.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school

He told his friends that it was cool

And when he pulled the trigger back

It shot with a great crack

Mummy I was a good girl

I did what I was told

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold

But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye

I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry

When Johnny shot the gun

he hit me and another

And all because he got the gun from his older brother

Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much

And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush

And tell my little sister that she is the only one now

And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best

Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest

Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class

And never to forget this and please don't let this pass

Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this

Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss

And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try

I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry

Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest

But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest

Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack

Mummy listen to me if you would

I wanted to go to college

I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with daddy

On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married

I wanted to have a kid

I wanted to be an actress

Mummy I wanted to live

But mummy I must go now

The time is getting late

Mummy tell my Chris I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date

I love you mummy

I always have I know you know it's true

Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"

In memory of the Columbian students that were lost

Please if you would Pass this around I'd be happy if you could

Don't smash this on the ground If you pass this on

Maybe people will cry

Just keep this in heart For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Now you have two choices

1) repost and show you care

2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart (Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

“I’m the king of world!” Jack Dawson, Titanic

Rose: Teach me to ride like a man.

Jack: And chew tobacco like a man.

Rose: And spit like a man!

Jack: What, they didn't teach you that in finishing school? --Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukater, Titanic (sry some of my fave Titanic quotes, yes taken from Ivy O'Hara, but I love them too)

Awesome Quotes, Well More Awesome Quotes xD

In order to get to heaven, you have to make a little hell.

If you try and don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tired.

You ask for advice? Yeah, not so good at that. May I offer you a sarcastic comment instead?

If it wasn't for physics and the law, hell, I'd be unstoppable.

Sarcasm. Just another service I offer.

I'm not falling, the floor is coming towards me.

Normality will be restored as soon as we remember what it is.

Fear nothing. Risk everything.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for someone I'm not.

We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they learn how to live in the same box.

You may regret what you do, but you'll regret what you don't do even more.

Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone.

Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it all together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength.

We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love.

No one was perfect...well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

The best things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream.

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who never will. So don't worry about the people in your past. There is a reason they didn't make it to your future.

People will always talk about you. Might as well give them something good to talk about.

Be careful who you trust, don't listen to anyone who gets in your way, do what you think is right, and forget what other people have to say.

Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do, and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Screw me over and I'll do it to you twice as hard. Call me crazy, but you really have no idea.

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave in a safe, well-preserved body, but to skid in sideways, totally worn out, screaming "Holy crap, what a ride!"

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're good at one thing, and that's staying strong.

In a world of cheerios, be a Froot-Loop.

Want to know who your real friends are? Mess up and see who is still standing beside you.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The truth is...everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to decide who is worth suffering for.

I'm not afriad of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?

Advice is what we ask for when we already have the answer but wish we didn't.

With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do?

I hate these little blond cliques. They're like the Mafia! Nobody knows nothing.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You and me against the world... we attack at dawn!

Don't Mess with me, I've got a pencil! A SHARP pencil!

OMG! A Papaya!

Random Conversations:

Watching Mental:

Dad: It's not possible to be pregnant for two years. Unless you're an elephant

Me: Elephants are pregnant for two years?

Dad: Yeah, that's why they're so mean

Me: Elephants are mean? Wait, pregnant woman are mean?

92 percent of American teens would die if Edward Cullen told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you're in love with the MR series, copy this into your profile

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

A Bridge Too Hard to Cross by DarkAngelz200 reviews
No, I'm sorry but this has to be wrong" I said, my breath getting harder to push up my throat. "I'm sorry but it isn't" What happens when Leah finds out she's pregnant with Jacob's kids? How will the Cullen's react and more importantly, Jacob.R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 45 - Words: 76,170 - Reviews: 581 - Favs: 188 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 8/1/2012 - Published: 7/19/2009 - Leah, Jacob - Complete
Two Dead Roses by hergoldeneyes reviews
He's fresh out of rehab, she's trying to forget her past. He's two weeks sober, she can't go a night without her razor blade. He leaves her pregnant, she doesn't know what to do. His name is Jasper, her name is Alice, and they could have been in love...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 18 - Words: 46,541 - Reviews: 238 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 6/27/2012 - Published: 6/25/2009 - Alice, Jasper
Unknown Caller by AlwaysMyBella reviews
Seven year old Bella is home alone and hurts her finger. Having no one to call she dials a random number. Enter 8 year old Edward. Ten years of laughs, tears and friendship later, can it ever evolve into love? & is Edward closer then Bella thinks? AH/AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 32,973 - Reviews: 3107 - Favs: 1,901 - Follows: 1,978 - Updated: 6/13/2012 - Published: 4/1/2009 - Bella, Edward
How To Annoy The Cullen's by JustBella reviews
Each chapter gives you ten funny ways to annoy a Cullen.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 210 - Reviews: 316 - Favs: 110 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 2/5/2012 - Published: 3/11/2009
15 Things To Do At Walmart Cullen Style by twilighters-anonymous reviews
Ever get those annoying, yet funny chain e-mails that say stuff like “15 Things To Do At Walmart”? This is what happens when Bella gets one and decides to enlist the Cullens to help her actually do them!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,843 - Reviews: 342 - Favs: 264 - Follows: 182 - Updated: 7/14/2011 - Published: 7/10/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The abc's of love by KameeraJones reviews
Short drabbles of Carlisle and Bella from a-z
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 7,203 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 1/1/2011 - Published: 11/14/2010 - Bella, Carlisle
Edward the Sugar Queen by Nina Windia reviews
Edward is a sugar addicted seventeen-year old who thinks he is a vampire. He is in love with Charlie Swan, who drives in the town's supply of sugar every week. But when Bella arrives, she decides to destroy their relationship and take Edward for her own.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 32,462 - Reviews: 350 - Favs: 200 - Follows: 151 - Updated: 12/23/2010 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Edward, Charlie S. - Complete
What Happens in Vegas by BlushingBlondie reviews
It's beautiful." I whispered, as I lifted my hand to look at the diamond ring closer. Then, reality set in. "We're MARRIED?" ExB!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 23,408 - Reviews: 531 - Favs: 322 - Follows: 317 - Updated: 12/3/2010 - Published: 3/30/2009 - Bella, Edward
Twilight on Windows Live! by AllApologies451994 reviews
What do you get when you put all the Twilight characters on MSN? Total chaos, that's what. Here's my first Twilight entry on fanfiction, made up of total randomness. Rated T just in case.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 49 - Words: 43,824 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 9/11/2010 - Published: 4/8/2009
Yahoo IM with the Cullens by KelseyBell93 reviews
I know everyone makes these but I promise you won't be disappointed!it's OOC to the extreme! rated T for language & some sexual themes!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 16,755 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 8/21/2010 - Published: 8/16/2008
Babysitting Hell by LadyFudgeMcKittyKat reviews
Jacob is 17, and has to babysit the cullen's. Mostly human, with several twists, full summary inside. Welcome to idea's. If you're a babysitter than you know what it's like, but with the Cullens it's worse. Rated T cause of chapt 11
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 35,185 - Reviews: 209 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 6/29/2010 - Published: 12/25/2008 - Jacob
The Dare by Consulting Centurion reviews
Bella and the Cullens play truth or dare
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,939 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 176 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 6/15/2010 - Published: 6/20/2007 - Complete
Twilight Parody Lyrics by little-miss-twilighter reviews
Artists include; Katy Perry, MCR, Muse, AAR, 30h!3, Evanescence, Taylor Swift, Snow Patrol, Paramore, RJA, Mayday Parade, Maroon 5 and many more. Sure to be something you like : Multiple POVs and story settings.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Parody/Poetry - Chapters: 66 - Words: 24,288 - Reviews: 225 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 6/12/2010 - Published: 3/7/2009
The Cullens watch : THE RING by AvrilSays reviews
The Cullens watch The Ring, and are scared out of their wits. Alice and Bella decide to play a little prank on them... COMPLETE! SEQUEL UP!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,099 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 88 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 5/14/2010 - Published: 1/6/2009 - Complete
Marriage to the Rescue by Happy Bells reviews
All Human. Gets very sweet. Bella falls pregnant and Edward, her best friend of 16 years offers to marry her. But Bella never factored love into the equation...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 37 - Words: 60,152 - Reviews: 2727 - Favs: 1,941 - Follows: 1,069 - Updated: 1/21/2010 - Published: 3/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The ship of dreams by Loves books reviews
This is like the Titanic movie, but whit a little twist. B/E it might be a little OOC.
Crossover - Titanic & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 3,882 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 1/17/2010 - Published: 4/3/2009 - Bella
Bella and Emmett's Songs by Completely Dipendente reviews
Bella is drunk and her and Emmett are writing songs about some of the people they know. Please review, even if you hate it x
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 10,151 - Reviews: 712 - Favs: 291 - Follows: 150 - Updated: 11/28/2009 - Published: 1/23/2009 - Bella, Emmett
random conversations by edwardlover125 reviews
this story is about the twilight character, just doing and talking about random things. please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 1,231 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/21/2009 - Published: 2/9/2009
Truth Or Dare With The Cullens Spring Break by Mallory Cullen reviews
Bella bends Edwards rules and get punished. She must play a truth or dare game with the Cullen's. I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. Rated T for now, but might change. Kind of OOC. EXB/EmXR/JXA.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 11,267 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 11/14/2009 - Published: 3/25/2009
Phone Calls by Rock'n'Slash reviews
8 yr. after BD. Just random hiliarious phone calls between Edward&Jacob, Bella&Nessie, and Emmett&Jasper. Included: u-arent-good-enough-4-my-daughter-ness, all-men-are-idiots-ness, & lets-reek-havic-on-the-poor-pathetic-humans-ness. Some lauguage.MWHAHA!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 71 - Words: 36,725 - Reviews: 1867 - Favs: 531 - Follows: 299 - Updated: 11/14/2009 - Published: 9/15/2008
My Girl by CindyCinlou555 reviews
This is a story about one of my favorite couples. Quil and Claire. When I read the books I wondered what would happen next with them. I have read a lot of great stories about them. I haven't wrote Twilight fan fiction before. Reviews please!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 65,200 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 10/8/2009 - Published: 6/9/2009 - [Claire, Quil Jr.] - Complete
The List by ngw-ox reviews
The list of things to do before you die - Bella plans on doing ALL things before she kills herself before she turns eighteen. But will her desire to complete all items on the list stop her for finding out that what she really wants is true love. ALL HUMAN
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 7,676 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 10/6/2009 - Published: 4/11/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants by ShortyLilHalf-and-Half reviews
Based off of The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants. Four best friends are separated for the first time one summer, they stay together with a pair of pants that fits them all magically. B/E A/J R/Em Nessie/OC. HOPE YOU ENJOY!Sorry about the short summery!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 8 - Words: 3,211 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 9/8/2009 - Published: 4/8/2009
20 Ways to Annoy Nymphadora Tonks by dromedatonks reviews
20 Ways to Annoy Nymphadora Tonks
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 216 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 4 - Published: 9/6/2009 - N. Tonks - Complete
Cullenary Educaton: Forks Sex Ed by MarcyJ reviews
Set at the End of Bella's Junior Year. Hilarity ensues when the Forks Gang is forced to endure Sex Education class with Coach Clapp. Chapter 1 is Jasper POV, and each subsequent chapter is from the perspective of a different character.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 22,726 - Reviews: 2131 - Favs: 3,549 - Follows: 1,648 - Updated: 8/28/2009 - Published: 4/2/2007
ShiftCommaThree by x.alice.massacre.x reviews
Alice has been acting different lately and it’s all because of a new online relationship. Bella doesn’t exactly thing its safe. But Jasper – her project partner who she never cared much for – is the only one who really understands. A/H
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,422 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 8/20/2009 - Published: 7/23/2009 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
The Cullens Discover Mad Libs by CrankyFrenchLady88 reviews
What happens when the Cullens discover Mad Libs? Some pretty crazy things. Rated T for future topics. After Eclipse, Before Breaking Dawn.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 21 - Words: 11,726 - Reviews: 137 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 8/10/2009 - Published: 9/9/2008
Life goes on by LoveIt123 reviews
ALSO UP FOR ADOPTION, PLEASE MAIL ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,588 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 8/10/2009 - Published: 4/21/2009 - Leah, Jacob
My soldier is far away by XoEDWARDCULLENSBABEXo reviews
Emmett goes off to war and leave his wife,behind, but the night before he leaves they make love for the last time and she finds out she’s pregnant. When Emmett’s Regiment is attacked she thinks he’s dead, but he shows up at home, safe and unharmd AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,918 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/10/2009 - Emmett, Rosalie - Complete
My Notebook Will Explain by notnowgarrison reviews
The juniors are given a pen pal project for the summer. Who is this mysterious "Insane of Mind" Bella keeps writing to? Who is "Quite Clumsy" Edward is falling in love with? What happens when they start pouring their souls out to each other? AH, OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 74,777 - Reviews: 1222 - Favs: 886 - Follows: 442 - Updated: 7/30/2009 - Published: 8/6/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Twilight Crew Presents Hairspray! by TwilightTeen212 reviews
When Forks High's annual play is Hairspray, Alice forces everyone to audition. What hilarity will ensue? Mix in the werewolves and just about vampire to ever appear in the series, and let the laughs begin. Co-written with REL246 and LRN415.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 20,872 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 7/22/2009 - Published: 2/20/2009
Extreme Twilight Madness by Twilightlover1518 reviews
Be afraid. Be very afraid. *Backs away slowly*
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 17 - Words: 2,224 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 7/22/2009 - Published: 6/29/2009 - Complete
Unexpected Imprint by GhostGirlMD reviews
Leah Clearwater imprinted on Jacob Black. Jacob Black imprinted on Leah Clearwater. They're both confused and worried and desperate for a normal life now that they have each other. Will the get their wish? Complete and no longer up for adoption.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,305 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 7/10/2009 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Jacob, Leah - Complete
Love Gays by HyperVampireChick reviews
A songfic parody of Lady Gaga's Love Game. EdwardxJacob
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/10/2009 - Jacob, Edward - Complete
Emmett's Birthday by LOSHLOVERXOXO reviews
It is Emmett's birthday and Bella doesn't know what to get him. So she gives him her. She is his servant for 24 hours. Nothihng can go wrong right. Cullens are vamps
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 12,603 - Reviews: 251 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 7/6/2009 - Published: 11/21/2008
These Are The Moments by LiveLaughLove9 reviews
Nick's parents send him to live in Tennessee for the summer with their family friends, the Stewarts. This story takes you through the time Nick and Miley spend together. Will Nick find out her secret? Legal! NILEY Rated T
Hannah Montana - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,735 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 6/26/2009 - Published: 2/18/2009
The Power of the Flair by vivredanssabulle reviews
Emmett discovers Facebook Flair. It wouldn't be so bad except that he thinks that he's supposed to do what the Flair says. What does this mean for the Cullen's and everyone else? “Pants are always optional”
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,823 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/21/2009 - Published: 10/15/2008 - Emmett
Not what I expected by sexiiduck411 reviews
Miley was an A student...Nick Not so much! When Nick starts to fail Miley is asked to help him. Miley hated Nick, and Nick hated Miley...or at least the thought. LOTS OF DRAMA & ROMANCE! not good at summarys!
Hannah Montana - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 11,925 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 6/21/2009 - Published: 1/20/2009
A Fear of Elmo! by nelbyismasterofpenguins reviews
The title is enough of a summary. This is just random crap, so you'll love this story if you like that sort of stuff. Basically, Emmet has a fear of Elmo. Yes, the guy from Sesame Street. :P Please read and review! :D
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,001 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 6/20/2009 - Published: 4/30/2009
Guns and Roses by Ivy O'Hara reviews
Emmett McCarty is the only general for the king of England, Royce II. He goes town to town fighting in wars and looking for love at the same time but he never found any until one woman sparkle his eyes: Rosalie, Royce's fiancee. In England, 1932.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 16,017 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 6/13/2009 - Published: 12/6/2008 - Emmett, Rosalie - Complete
The Cullens watch: CHILD'S PLAY by AvrilSays reviews
Sequel to The Cullens watch: THE RING. Emmett chooses yet another 'AWESOME' movie to watch on Movie Night. Rose, Alice and Bella, with the help of Bella's cousin Sarah, prank the boys and Esme yet again. Chaos ensues. DISCONTINUED/TO BE REWRITTEN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,185 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 6/4/2009 - Published: 3/22/2009
The Log Of Mike Newton diary isn't manly by Popular Galinda reviews
This is the diary of Mike Newton during the Twilight Series. This is a parody and it shows how stupid Mike Newton really is. PS: if you like Mike, I suggest you don't read it. I kinda like Mike, I pick him over Jacob any day! Chapter 10 is up
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 12 - Words: 7,492 - Reviews: 237 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 6/4/2009 - Published: 1/27/2009 - Mike - Complete
Would You Rather CULLEN STYLE! by MirandaCullen223 reviews
Would you rather cullen style is an entertaining thriller that will make you pee your pants! i havent seen one out there so READ! :D
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,289 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 5/27/2009 - Published: 2/25/2009
Rosalie Cullens Wedding What Really Happened ! by TheTwilightPixie reviews
this is a very funny story about rosalie cullens wedding day it is out ragoues. flower man, the muppetts, sesame street, jane & emmetts wedding :S JASPER NO CURLY BOBS ! DISNEY LAND KIDNAPING .. and most of all SQEEZING EMMETTS .... arms :O KERMIT...GAY!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 19,834 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 5/16/2009 - Published: 4/23/2009
Next Door by Keira Sawyer reviews
Bella is the girl next door. Edward is the boy next door. Find out what happens when they meet! All human. ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,246 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 5/12/2009 - Published: 12/22/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
26 Things Emmett Cullen Can't Do by Jasper'sGirl1843 reviews
Here is a list of things Emmett can't do that my friends and I wrote during history class one year. Hope you enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,117 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/11/2009 - Emmett - Complete
Thunderstorm by teddybearpixiestix reviews
one-shot about what happens during a blackout at the school.why is jasper confused about the war he was in. and what did rose and Emmett do in Edward's Volvo? well, lets just say what happens in the Volvo stays in the Volvo... hilarity ensures please RxR
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,634 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Published: 5/9/2009 - Edward - Complete
A random Cullen Day by lauren-twilight reviews
Ehh , Randomness with the cullens r&r plz xx
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 219 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/9/2009
The Smarties and the 'Good Stuff' by nelbyismasterofpenguins reviews
One day, Emmet decides he wants to try to withstand human food, so he tries Smarties! Instead of eating them, though, he snorts them! Um, yea, this is my first Twilight fanfic. Story is better than summary. Just believe me on this one. :D
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 419 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/30/2009
The Cullens get better acquainted with MSN by The Unnamed One reviews
Written with writer's block. Random conversations with the Cullens. Just you know, something mental. Rated T, but seriously, ONLY if you're a teen. Review please x
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,626 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Complete
Twilight Secrets by DahliaLilly reviews
The untold secrets of the Cullens and other Twilight Characters
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 4,029 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 4/28/2009 - Published: 9/28/2008 - Emmett
15 Ways to Make Edward Angry Without Killing Bella by XxSarahCullenxX reviews
Random ways to make Edward angry. Just for fun. I may add on with another character if I get enough positive reviews.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,701 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 4/24/2009 - Published: 11/28/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
BEEP by vampirechick123 reviews
Bella punishes Edward with no kisses for a day. Edward tries really hard to get her to kiss him. Now put Alice into the equation and you have brilliance ...just fluffy fluff R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 39,749 - Reviews: 1989 - Favs: 943 - Follows: 578 - Updated: 4/23/2009 - Published: 2/19/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Edward Should Be Dumb, Emmet Shouldn't Snort Candy by AllApologies451994 reviews
This is just random stupidity, so if you like that kind of stuff you will LOVE this story! Written by my friend Hoops and me. The title should be enough of a summary. Just read it. You know you want to. One-Shot.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 589 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Emmett, Edward - Complete
Putting Her Back Together by Pearl01 reviews
Edward never comes back and Bella marries Jacob everything is great until Jacob imprints.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 16,082 - Reviews: 362 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 4/21/2009 - Published: 3/18/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
TwiPod Shuffle by heySparkel reviews
iPod Shuffle Challenge; ten drabbles. First time doing Blackwater! R&R! T for Paranoia
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,398 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/20/2009 - Leah, Jacob - Complete
the day Leah Clearwater cracked by trina8730 reviews
exactly what the title says. Read and Review please : oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 928 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/17/2009 - Leah, Sam - Complete
No English? by Kitty's Muse reviews
What if everyone except for Bella knew about and were participating in a "no English" day? And what if that was just a cover for something else? My first one-shot. Rated T because I'm paranoid. :
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,958 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Bella - Complete
Who Let Emmett In? by GetYourOwnEdward5678 reviews
It's Emmett for crying out loud! Bella and Edward are cleaning out all of Bella's old human "things". But what happens when Emmett gets in? R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,010 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 4/11/2009 - Published: 3/16/2009 - Complete
Paris Hilton Meets The Cullens ! AND KNOWS THERE by TheTwilightPixie reviews
look its very silly I WAS TIRED and people keep the hate mail to your self .. its funny you have to read it to beive it hehe
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 609 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/3/2009
Random Fanfic's about the Cullen's by XxCiaraxX reviews
A bunch of random fanfictions about our favourite family- the Cullen's. Hope you have some good laughs reading these! Some of them include noodles, a go-cart and you tube! Mwah! Enjoy! Wrote by XxCiaraxX and XxXLaliceXxX! Rated T just in case!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,273 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/2/2009
The Cullen's Disover MSN! by Broken Ice Alchemist reviews
What do the Cullen's talk about at night on MSN?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,130 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 4/1/2009 - Published: 2/6/2009
The MSN Epidemic by TheTwilightPixie reviews
this is a short comedy about the cullens and Aro on msn. its short and funny. enjoy
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 391 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/29/2009 - Complete
Three Cullens in an elevator a stuck elevator! by Mared and the Jarcuses reviews
Prom is approaching so Alice has dragged the Cullens and Bella to the mall to get outfits. She has sent the guys to get their tuxes so they get in the elevator to get to the ground floor. But what happens when it gets stuck? Our first Fanfic! Be nice!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,354 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/26/2009 - Complete
Why The Cullens Can't Babysit by Duck Life reviews
Stories about how each of the Cullens babysit Bella while Edward hunts. Please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 1,473 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 3/23/2009 - Published: 11/24/2008 - Bella - Complete
A Witch? by Kiyoshi'sGirl64 reviews
Angela reveals a secret to Bella.This, along with one of Alice's visions and an unforseen alliance could spell disaster for the Cullens.Or the long awaited demise of the Volturi.Which will it be?The results will affect everyone-supernatural or not.FCL64.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 15 - Words: 16,466 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 3/23/2009 - Published: 10/20/2008 - Bella, Angela - Complete
Truth Or Dare by An Improbable Fiction reviews
After a boring Day shopping with Alice. The Cullens and Bella play truth or Dare. ONE SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,291 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 3/21/2009 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Emmett, Bella - Complete
See you again by Muffin Top 245 reviews
This is a parody to Miley Cyrus's See you again.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 356 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/17/2009 - Complete
Truth or Dare CULLEN STYLE by GeeGeeCullen16 reviews
The Younger Cullens play Truth or Dare while Esme and Carlisle are out : R&R!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,000 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 3/15/2009 - Published: 3/11/2009 - Complete
a msn chat story by HeyIt'sElena reviews
I know a lot of people have done the whole "msn chat" thing. Hope you like. r and r 's are appriciated.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 63 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/14/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Wild and Wacky Adventures of Edward in PE! by LindaRoo reviews
Hilarity ensues when Edward comes back at the end of New Moon and he and Alice get Mrs. Cope to change their schedules to put them in Bella's gym class. How can they appear human when their superhuman athletic aptitudes keep getting in the way?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 12 - Words: 74,371 - Reviews: 1980 - Favs: 2,231 - Follows: 1,680 - Updated: 3/9/2009 - Published: 2/27/2007
The Cullen's trip to WalMart by Paranoid Pessimist reviews
The Cullens move to a new town in Montana and decide to let the people there know that the Cullen Family is in town... by playing pranks in Wal-mart. This is about 70 years after Bella has been married to ewdard and changed into a vampire. R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 10,078 - Reviews: 407 - Favs: 254 - Follows: 227 - Updated: 2/3/2009 - Published: 5/15/2008
Songs that remind me of twilight by coli narago reviews
These are just some songs that remind me of the twilight saga by Stephanie Meyer and why.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 301 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/29/2009 - Complete
The Cullens Play Wii by edwardlover125 reviews
this is what happens when vampires play a video game.do not own twilight or its characters. And Stephanie Meyer was not shoved into a trunk. Seriously.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,330 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/13/2009 - Bella - Complete
Based On True Events by pandorasnotebook reviews
The Cullens go see the movie Twilight and the rest of the theater has be a captive audience to their constant need to narrate. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,580 - Reviews: 320 - Favs: 407 - Follows: 67 - Published: 1/10/2009 - Complete
Annoying, Angering, and Scaring the Cullens by The Real Blue Eyed Demon reviews
50 ways to annoy the Cullens.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,954 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 1/8/2009 - Published: 5/5/2008
Notes by Llama Mama23 reviews
Edward and Bella are caught passing notes in class. The teacher has the note read to the class. A series of embarassing events ensues, including Edward in a trunk, Bella in a gas mask, Carlisle as Tarazn, and Emmett with blue hair.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 25,990 - Reviews: 2869 - Favs: 2,061 - Follows: 973 - Updated: 12/29/2008 - Published: 5/14/2007 - Complete
The Bunny Dilemma and Other Tales by Shinkiiro reviews
The Cullens argue over a fat white bunny. Carlisle steals Esme's underwear. Alice plays a prank. Emmett sings Death Note...and more silly Cullen stories yet to come!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,031 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 12/24/2008 - Published: 7/11/2008 - Edward
Cullens and Bella passing notes by Kirby-Chan-X3 reviews
OH NO! Not ANOTHER note-passing story! But not just ANY note-passing story! This should bring plenty of laughs and good times! What is Bella doing with a cookie, is Bella taking a new medication, and why is everyone whatching youtube? Please read.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 277 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 12/19/2008 - Published: 12/10/2008
10 Ways to annoy Jasper Hale by ILoveEdwardCullen110 reviews
What the Title says
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 984 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 12/9/2008 - Published: 10/2/2008 - Complete
Twilight Playlist by JadeStern reviews
A playlist of songs that make me think of Twilight. You can help me add on to make a....MASTER PLAYLIST! :
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 4,175 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 11/22/2008 - Published: 6/17/2008
What Did Edward Say to Bella? by 0041523 reviews
Emmett tells Edward and Bella a joke, Edward doesn't get it. Rated T for Dirty Humor and one curse word. 1Shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,030 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 24 - Published: 11/11/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
In Which Myspace and Facebook Have a Baby by LaTortueViolette reviews
Myspace and Facebook get together.
X-overs - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 473 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/5/2008 - Complete
Vampire Song by FLO2038RSS reviews
This is a song I rewrote its actually Rockstar by Hannah Montana I hate Miley Cyrus just to let you know! but with different lyrics. I'm not completely done yet so tell me if you have any ideas for this song!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Poetry - Chapters: 3 - Words: 387 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/2/2008 - Published: 7/16/2008 - Bella, Edward
Emmett Gets Dirty by twilighters-anonymous reviews
Emmett decides to send some...inaproppriate images towards Edward in his mind. Rated for humor and horror, because of the scary images you will think about!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,238 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/12/2008 - Emmett, Edward - Complete
Conversations by Rock'n'Slash reviews
8yr aft BD Alot like PhoneCalls Stupid, but funny, conversations that will make you laugh I didn't give up on phone calls though Includes: Control-your-thoughts-Jake-ness, let's-go-shopping-even-though-Bella-doesn't-want-to-ness and let's-wreak-havoc-ness
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,137 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 17 - Published: 9/30/2008
MSN with Every1! by luvingharrypotter reviews
Bella, Jake, and the Cullens have some fun on MSN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,133 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/20/2008 - Published: 9/10/2008
The Mall Trip by inmybubble reviews
what? dont EVER let the cullen kids and bella into a mall. ever. you'll see why.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,129 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 8/27/2008 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Complete
Questions for Edward by Rock'n'Slash reviews
Once upon a time, the guys are out of the house and Alice and Bella get bored. So, they steal Edward's computer. They find a page that has fan questions on it. They have to comment. This is that page. If you like Bella's Ham Sandwich, you'll love this!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,642 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/20/2008
songs that reming me of twilight by eternal stawberry reviews
this is a list of songs that remind me of twilight
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 131 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/20/2008 - Complete
Hurricane Season by I'mwiththevampires08 reviews
What happens when the Cullen family decides to go visit Texas and end up stuck in a hotel room for hours because of a hurricane? Drama and comedy ensues. Authored with Whynotjasper. Rated M for a reason folks!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,468 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 8/13/2008 - Published: 7/28/2008 - Complete
Nick and Miley by eemah reviews
Nick is a jock with a beautiful girlfriend. Miley is a nerd with only one best friend named Leslie. What happens when the two become partners for an English project? Nick's mom's dying? Miley's dad is an alcoholic? Total Niley. CHAPTER 15 IS UP! COMPLETE!
Hannah Montana - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 71,113 - Reviews: 207 - Favs: 151 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 8/7/2008 - Published: 2/20/2008 - Complete
The Cullens Take Canada! by Britt.Dan reviews
What happens when Bella, and the Cullens decide to go to Canada! What happens when Alice gets ahold of the West Edmonton Mall?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,804 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 7/18/2008 - Published: 4/10/2008
Troubles With Nick and Miley by SeCrEtLyINloveWITHNICKJONAS reviews
Read Trailer inside for details. NILEY!
Hannah Montana - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 293 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/4/2008
The Problem by Purplestar16 reviews
The Cullen Family babysits and 'she' is bored first story so no flames please
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 212 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/19/2008
Death Wish by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
The ideas listed in this document are not to be done with the intent of annoying Edward Cullen. Do these things only if you wish to be KILLED by Edward Cullen. Review!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,061 - Reviews: 240 - Favs: 166 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 6/9/2008 - Published: 5/12/2008 - Edward
Camping Cullen Style by jack mehauff reviews
Just getting started. Basically, the Cullens take a camping trip with Bella and Charlie, and Alice has an interesting vision.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 602 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 15 - Published: 5/17/2008
13 ways to annoy Draco Malfoy by dont.kill.me.please reviews
haha!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 206 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 7 - Published: 4/26/2008 - Complete
Truth or Dare by Vickytoria13 reviews
This is yet another random skit I made up. In this one, the Cullens are playing TRUTH OR DARE!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,016 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/28/2008
A day at the Mall With the Cullens by Vickytoria13 reviews
Ok, so this a random skit about Bella, Edward, and Alice going to the mall. Tell me if you like!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,685 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/28/2008 - Complete
Truth or Dare? by ForeverTopaz303 reviews
The Cullens play a revengefilled game of truth or dare. Bella included...DUH! jk! multiple povs!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 2,737 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 3/15/2008 - Published: 4/4/2007
50 Ways for Emmett to Annoy His Family by Melody Cullen reviews
Here is a list of 50 things Emmett a.k.a. The Master of Annoyance has done to annoy his family! Not good at summaries! Please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,508 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 3/10/2008 - Published: 3/5/2008 - Complete
Firsts by Alice laughed reviews
Esme learns that firsts don't always happen in chronological order. Rated for lemon. Happy Valentine's Day.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,686 - Reviews: 230 - Favs: 312 - Follows: 46 - Published: 2/14/2008 - Complete
To Annoy The Cullens by Alunamai reviews
Eight hundred ways to Annoy the Cullens... We say Eight Hundred because Bella is considered a Cullen in our book!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 5,033 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 1/9/2008 - Published: 11/9/2007
Truth or Dare by katcastle reviews
This is a random fic where the Cullens play truth or dare! See what crazy things these vampires will do!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 17,094 - Reviews: 584 - Favs: 386 - Follows: 371 - Updated: 12/24/2007 - Published: 7/14/2007
Adventures Online by Zukaddy reviews
What happens when the Cullens discover the power of the internet? What happens when Emmett becomes a Youtube star? All Reviews are loved and cherished! One shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 957 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 14 - Published: 10/7/2007 - Complete
Vampire Idol! by Rogue Robot reviews
While watching American Idol, the Cullens create a little singing competition of their own! Who will be the next Vampire Idol?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,618 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 7/6/2007 - Published: 7/5/2007
Facebook Frenzy and the Cullen's Abuse of Tech by Sinister Serenity reviews
Imagine what life would be like if the Cullens reigned the technological world. Emmett has invited Bella into the Facebook scenario. Watch this space for the extravaganza.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,587 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 10 - Published: 6/8/2007
Babysitting Bella! by Jenner-The-Pirate reviews
This is a serious of oneshots where Bella gets baby sat by a different Cullen. Each Cullen teaches Bella something new about Edward and herself. These are set before Eclipse.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,810 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 29 - Published: 5/17/2007
100 and 1 Ways to Annoy Oliver Wood by just giddy reviews
Oliver's beloved team list 100 and 1 ways to annoy him.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,345 - Reviews: 176 - Favs: 111 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 8/12/2005 - Published: 8/9/2005 - Oliver W.
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Francesca
Everyone's read Harry, Ron and Hermione's story. But what about, one other witch in their year, completely ignored and forgotten? Francesca Zubia and her Muggle friend go to rescue their unregistered wizard friend at the hands of Lord Voldemort.Lots of OC
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,434 - Updated: 9/3/2010 - Published: 8/17/2010
Emmett and the Pear
-Inspired by a typo in an old fanfic- Emmett decides to take walk through the forest, when he stumbles upon a strange tree... One shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 652 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/27/2010 - Emmett - Complete
Who Spiked The Water Bottle? reviews
Stories about drunken Twilight characters. Somebody keeps spiking peoples water bottles. Random idea, rated T cuz I'm paranoid.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 8 - Words: 4,241 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 10/12/2009 - Published: 5/13/2009 - Jacob
What It Takes reviews
Random story. Emmett auditions for America's Next Top Model. Super short one shot. Funny-ish. Read inside for more info on why I wrote it.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 267 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/19/2009 - Emmett - Complete