Poll: If I was to write a new oneshot, which of these fandoms would you want it to be about? Vote Now!
Author has written 30 stories for Kung Fu Panda, Pirates of the Caribbean, Gettysburg, Killer Angels, Hobbit, Liberty's Kids, Calvin & Hobbes, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Catwoman, Star Wars, Disney, Harry Potter, Order of the Stick, Doctor Who, Animorphs, and Avatar: Last Airbender.
Hi! :D I'm Uldaren Bardaniel, also known as Dana. I have a FictionPress account under the same username, so go ahead and check those out, too if you like. :)
About Me: I'm a college dropout who loves history, fencing, karate, archery, horseback riding, and theatre, and hope to someday publish my writing.
Projects I'm working on currently/have on the shelf (for both FP and FF):
- An Order of the Stick story centering on the Order of the Scribble.
- A Gettysburg story concerning Buster Kilrain's backstory. Working title: I Damn All Gentlemen. Have 16,000 words so far and hope to finish it.
- Calvin and Hobbes: Gettysburg
- The Fruits of War (Civil War short story)
- Haunted (medieval ghost story)
- Untitled werewolf novel(s?), 4 segments planned so far
- AU Harry Potter fanfic. My longest story yet at over 40,000 words and still not finished.
- Untitled journalism mystery series, with about 4 stories planned.
- Conlang fantasy story
- Multiple Creative Writing stories that may appear here someday
If you want to see some good Gettysburg stories, check out NurfHurdur and Star the Foxhound's works at this site. They are true masterpieces. :D
My three "main projects" for awhile were "The Peredhel Chronicles," "Tira's View," and "Phantom Angel." However, these have been deleted and I don't know when they'll be picked up again, if ever. Apologies to my readers.
Here At the End of All Things (Oneshot)
Shared Blood (Oneshot)
Pax Aeterna (Oneshot)
Where The Fates Bear Us (Oneshot)
If I Ever Raise My Hand (Oneshot)
Sons of War (RPG-Related)
Calvin and Hobbes: Gettysburg (Crossover, in-progress)
Shadows (Oneshot, related to a novel in-progress)
Old Friends (Oneshot)
Pirates of the Caribbean:
Betrayal of Freedom (Drabble)
Final Measure of Courage (Oneshot)
Meditations and Memories (Kung Fu Panda oneshot)
Hobbit Poems (The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings)
Warriors' Fate (Liberty's Kids oneshot)
Winter's Ice (Hunchback of Notre Dame, oneshot, Disney-based)
Changing (Catwoman oneshot, movie-based)
The Flames of War (Star Wars oneshot, possibly continued at later date?)
To Keep Hope Alive (Disney's Robin Hood, oneshot)
Why? (Harry Potter oneshot)
Forever (Star Wars oneshot)
Order of the Stick Haikus (exactly what it says on the tin)
Tea (Doctor Who/Avatar: The Last Airbender haiku)
I have a LOT going on in this department. Most of my longer stories have been put on the shelf for now, as they are not finished and need a lot of improvement. I will do my best to update them, but I can make no promises as to when to expect a new chapter.
FictionPress Accounts and Links.
Admin: Star the Foxhound
Here's some trailers we've put together for the RPG. :D
Civil War RPG:
"Don't know the manners of good society, eh? Well, I guess I know enough to turn you inside out, old gal- you sockdologizing old mantrap!" Asa Trenchard, Our American Cousin.
History Teacher: "...It truly was the 'Last Frontier'. What was it?"
"Okay, people, we're now in Heat." Science teacher announcing new study unit in class. O.o
"I have my own little world that I'm governor of, and I'm not likely to secede from office anytime soon." – Me
"Once the leaves fall, there's nothing between an eagle and the stars." – Old Army saying
"Armistead, Hancock and I were messmates. And never was a mess happier than ours." - Henry Heth
"Why do men fight who were born to be brothers?" - James Longstreet
"Duty is the most sublime word in our language. Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more. You should never wish to do less." - Robert. E. Lee
"Let them call me rebel and welcome, for I should suffer the miseries of devils if I make a whore of my soul." - Thomas Paine
"When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." - Theodore Roosevelt
"In war, the moral is to the physical as three is to one." - Napoleon Bonaparte
"Tell my mother I did not die a coward." - Sgt. George Washington Buck, of the 20th Maine, at Gettysburg.
"Justice. Fight for it." - TheOperationBlackout, on YouTube
"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." - Winnie the Pooh
"Far as I see it, we need every man who can fight and even if your name's not Jackson Dillon, you can at least handle a damn rifle. I ain't askin' you your real name or who you are. I'm askin' you to be a soldier." – Sgt. Ben Axton, a character in our Civil War RPG, to Rose, aka 'Jackson' Dillon at the Battle of the Wilderness.
"I'm not given to religious philosophy as you are, sir. But I remember the Norse mythology. Perhaps our Heaven, our Valhalla, will be just that, a warrior's heaven, where we will march and fight forever, and at dusk the dead will rise to feast together, friend and foe, throughout the night until the coming of the next day's battle." – Lt. Gen. James Longstreet, speaking to General Robert E. Lee, "Grant Comes East," by Newt Gingrich.
"Aliit ori'shya tal'din."
"After all this time?"
"A child's voice, however honest and true, is meaningless to those who have forgotten how to listen." - Albus Dumbledore, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," by J. K. Rowling.
"Every man is a volume if you know how to read him." - William Ellery Channing.
"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making. As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death—if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach." - Severus Snape, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone," by J. K. Rowling.
"The Dark Arts are many, varied, ever-changing, and eternal. Fighting them is like fighting a many-headed monster, which, each time a neck is severed, sprouts a head even fiercer and cleverer than before. You are fighting that which is unfixed, mutating, indestructible. Your defenses must therefore be as flexible and inventive as the arts you seek to undo." - Severus Snape, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," by J. K. Rowling.
"No matter what anyone says, I did not blow up the microwave." - Me.
"I'm nobody! Who are you?
"O wad some power the giftie gie us
"A religion, even if it calls itself a religion of love, must be hard and unloving to those who do not belong to it." - Sigmund Freud
“A well-written life is almost as rare as a well-spent one.” – Thomas Carlyle.
"What am I in the eyes of most people - a non-entity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person - somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then - even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart." - Vincent van Gogh.
My name is Tiffany.
I am three,
My eyes are swollen.
I cannot see,
I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can’t do a wrong
I can’t speak at all
Or else I'm locked up
All day long.
When I'm awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie’s Bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now
I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says it’s my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
He’s already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
"I’m sorry!” I scream
But it’s now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O, please, God have mercy!
O, please, let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor
My name is Tiffany
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive
Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair
She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound
Until her parents unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure
A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?
But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die
She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking, "God, why?
Why is my life always sinking?"
Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did
Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by
Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made
She thrust the blade
Right in her chest,
”You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"
The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying.
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying
Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse
One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor
It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms.
STOP CHILD ABUSE NOW!!
…you see a hill or mountain (be it in Gettysburg or anywhere in the country) and say “We must deprive the enemy of the High Ground!”
…if you know all of the waiters/waitresses at Lincoln Diner or O'Rorke's Restaurant all by name.
…if you are a reenactor (what reenactor hasn’t seen the movie Gettysburg numerous times, been to Gettysburg to attend an event, or read a lot about the battle?).
…if you know the roads of Gettysburg by their names during the battle better than their modern names.
…if you can be dropped anywhere on the battlefield randomly and within a few seconds know where you are and tell others what happened on that part of the battlefield.
...if when you look at pictures of the battlefield, you know exactly where that is.
…if you have went to Gettysburg battlefield and argued with a park ranger, and won the argument.
...if three or more battlefield tour guides know you by name, and not because your friends.
…if you make pilgrimages to Gettysburg to buy things at particular stores you like in town.
…if you ever marched or camped on the battlefield in wool or jean cloth uniforms.
…if you can recite all the words from any of the following scenes in the Gettysburg movie: The Lee and Trimble conversation (“Give me one BRIGADE! AND I will take that hill!”), The Lee and Stuart conversation (“I told you there is no time for that! There is no time!”), Any of the camp scenes with George Pickett in it, any of the conversations Buford had.
…if you have gone onto the Gettysburg battlefield and reenacted any of the famous scenes from the movie Gettysburg.
…if when you are on the battlefield and talking with fellow Gettysburg enthusiasts, tourists come up to you and ask questions.
…if anytime you picture significant people in the battle of Gettysburg, you actually picture the people who played them in the movie Gettysburg.
…if you actually know where the scenes of Gettysburg were shot when they weren’t shooting on the battlefield.
…if you own two or more of the Gettysburg movie music CD’s.
…if you list Gettysburg as one of your favorite movies on your Facebook account.
…if you have spent more than three days of your life in Gettysburg visiting sites on the battlefield or related to the battle.
…if you go the battlefield and bring your laptop with you and watch scenes of the movie Gettysburg on your laptop at the actual places the movie depicts.
...if every time you see "Dumb and Dumber," you think, "and that guy played Joshua Chamberlain" while you shake your head.
...if you thought about or named one of your children Joshua Chamberlain.
…if you were in the movie Gettysburg (as a reenactor, that is).
...if you only know Jeff Daniels for his roles in Gettysburg and Gods and Generals and none of his other films.
…if you know and can spot when one of the following people were in the movie Gettysburg: Michael Kraus, Brian Pohanka, Ken Burns.
…if you have timed yourself running the path of Pickett’s Charge.
…(and you might be in jail, too) if you have grabbed rocks, wood, or any other pieces of nature off the battlefield.
…if you buy a souvenir pop gun or sword and begin reenacting the battle amidst the monuments.
…if you have gone to the battlefield and tried to match up the Matthew Brady photos of the aftermath of the battle with the places they were took on the battlefield.
...if you ever have tried recreating the photos taken of the dead at Gettysburg with your friends on the battlefield.
…if you have tried to follow the footsteps of a particular regiment through the entire battle.
...if you visited Gettysburg so much that in your lifetime you have spent the equivalent of one or more years of paychecks on things in Gettysburg.
...if you can draw a map of the battlefield from memory.
..if you have all the Ghost Stories of Gettysburg books on your bookshelf.
...if you read the Ghost Stories of Gettysburg books to your husband while driving through the battlefield at dusk.
...if you carry your digital camera at all times during your visit to Gettysburg including bed.
...if you get so drunk at O'Rorke's bar and restaurant that you try and claim you are a descendent of Buster Kilrain and start talking in an Irish accent and calling people "Pea-whits."
...you have ever referred to the movie Gettysburg as "Gettysbeard" or "Z Z Top's take on Gettysburg" (you ever notice how much Frank Beard looks like Stephen Lang as George Pickett? Only George has a small goatee).
...if when you see a really bad job done on a beard in a movie, you think "well, at least he's no worse that Tom Berenger as Longstreet."
...if you have ever slept at one of the locations where the movie Gettysburg was shot, and actually realized it. (for those who went to the reenactment "At High Tide" in the summer of 2008, you ever notice the woods we camped in were the woods Armistead's men waited in during the bombardment in the movie?)
...if you are a regular attendee of the tent church on Chambersburg St. in Gettysburg on Sunday, and yet you don't live in Gettysburg.
…if you have mastered driving around it's main square without having to make another turn
... if you can walk through Evergreen Cemetery and know who most of the people buried are and how they are related to each other.
...if the CD found in your car player most often is a driving tour of Gettysburg...and you listen to it driving to Ossining, New York
...if you can point out to tourists where General Schimmelpfenig hid from the rampaging Confederates on the first day's battle.
...if you know specifically which examples of "battlefield damage" on various houses actually happened during the battle, and which were "improved upon" by the residents in the years since the battle.
...if you become agitated when overhearing less knowledgeable tourists on the battlefield speak of "Buster Kilrain" as if he were a real historical figure.
...if when visiting the field in the summer months, your remark to a random stranger that "the heat reminds me of Mexico."
...if when disciplining a subordinate at work, you have said: "There has been a mistake. It will not happen again; I know your quality. You are one of the finest (fill in job title) I have ever known, and your service to this company has been invaluable. Now... let us speak no more of this."
...if when visiting the field, you bring a dog biscuit to leave for "Sally the War Dog."
...if you can properly pronounce and spell the names of every foreign-born general officer in the 11th Corps.
...if you always visit Benner's Hill on a trip to Gettysburg.
...if you can remember how the traffic configurations have changed throughout the years, where the avenues used to be, and how the buses used to go DOWN the hill in Devil's Den!
...if you've bought all the Devil's Den and Little Round Top guides, found all the "hidden" monuments, know the name "Tipton," have found the Guardshack base, the Oates Boulder, and know that the Left Flanker for the 20th Maine is NOT the original!
…if there are more pictures of you at Gettysburg than there are of any other trips in your photo albums, combined
…if you can remember more generals that fought during the battle than relatives in your family
…if you own more than two shirts with “Gettysburg,” or Gettysburg related things on them.
…if the majority of the miles on your car are due to trips to Gettysburg
…if you can tell if someone is a tourist or not by the way they drive around the roundabout in the center of town.
…if you can claim you dragged not only your immediate family but three or more relatives to Gettysburg.
...if every year on July 1st, 2nd, and 3rd you insist on watching "Gettysburg" 24/7 on your house's biggest-screened TV.
...if on the July anniversary day you have to be there to walk your favorite regiment's march into battle at the exact time it occurred (actual 1863 time and not daylight saving clock time an hour too early).
... if you remember when Gettysburg Eddie's was The Gingerbread Man.
...if you attended the Gettysburg Annual Reenactment as a kid to watch and don't live within 50 miles of Gettysburg, and then 9 years later as a college student actually become part of the staff that runs the Annual Reenactment.
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