11Twilightcrazy
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Joined 04-01-09, id: 1886288, Profile Updated: 02-25-10
Author has written 1 story for Maximum Ride.

Hey, its me!! im really bad @ talking about myself , so i'll just try 2 give u the basics.

Name: im not gonna tell ya that 4 privacy reasons so just call me 11Twilightcrazy, Twilightcrazy, that girl with the face and hair, basically anything that makes enough sense, but preferably 11Twilightcrazy

Age: Let's just leave it at that i'm a teenager

Location: like i'd say that over the internet!! i honestly don't want a bunch of creepy fanfic fans/stalkers hanging out in front of my house. oh, but i'll tell u that i live on a continent on planet earth.

Favorite Color: orang, but i never wear it because it doesn't look good on me. so my favorite color 2 wear is blue and blue related colors.

Favorite Books: MAXIMUM RIDE 1, 2, 3, and 5(4 sucked, i mean seriously, where did he pull global warming from?!) TWILIGHT!!, BREAKING DAWN!, new moon, eclipse; basically, i like any book except historical books, i get enough of that in school

Sports: swmming(fav/best stroke- freestyle), track and field(i do hurdlesand long jump, i used 2 do high jump, but i jumped over it like a hurdle...) soccer(left wing and goalie)

Pets: 1 kitten, 3 dogs, 3 fish(1 cost me freaking seven dollars at the fair! so he is appropriately named siete pesos), 1 guinea pig(sp?), 1 parokeet

Twilight Team: EDWARD!! honestly(and i kno people will hate me for saying this) jacob annoys the crap out of me by forcing ExB to turn into a freaking love triange!!

My Twilight Logic: Edward=SEXY!!, but RPattz=ugly; Jacob=obnoxious dumb butt!!, but Taylor Lautner=HOT!! it all makes sense now!!

Thinks I Do When I'm Bored: fanfic(well duh), youtube(i can spend hours on there ;), boredom busters(www.boredom-busters.com), addicting games(www.addictinggames.com), my blog(http://randomme-nessmrtwihart.blogspot.com/ check it out!!) have u noticed that all of these are on the internet? I HAV!!


Story Status...

What is Free?: Yeeeeeeeah, about it... see, high school is very busying and i do a ton of sports, plus im really distractable, so there might not be anything for a reeeeeealllly long time. i promise i have at least two more chappies in my head that i really want to get on paper, and then... i really don't have anything planned past that... but i'll come up with something by the time i get to it.

Other: i actually have another maximum ride story chilling out in my head and demanding that he get his story told too. but i at least wanna get another chapter of what is free out first... so yeah. hopefully, it'll be out soon.


YAYZ MAXRIDE QUOTES!!

"I know everything, as I continue to remind you." -Fang

"I love Nudge, I really do. But that motor mouth of her's could have turned mother Theresa into an Axe murderer" - Max from Maximum Ride

"Yes! Freaks RULE!" ~Fang

"Fang! This is a huge break! Of course we should go check it out!"
"But we're grounded."
stare at each other for a second and burst out laughing ~Max and Fang

"I look like prep school Barbie. looks at Max Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just Barbie's friend." ~Nudge

"Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then Terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R." ~Gasman

"You...are...a...fridge...with wings. We're...freaking...ballet...dancers." ~Fang

"Fang, Fang, Fang. I love you. I love you sooo much." "Oh, jeez." ~Max and Fang

"Pick a tree. I'll go carve our initials in it." ~Fnick

"Because all you mad, evil scientists sit around whipping up batches of Pillsbury's finest during your coffee breaks." ~Max

"I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent. so people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky in their eyes! Now, that's a plan!" -Iggy

"Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony." ~Iggy

"Fang? Are you - like Max?"
"Nope. I'm the smart one." ~Dr. Martinez and Fang

"Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica." ~Fang

"Oh yeah,'cause Fang is all about the wordy sharing of feelings." ~Max

"'Iggy, this is not a democracy," I said understanding his fear but not being able to do anything about it. "It's a Maxocracy.'"-From Max Ride: The Angel Experiment

"Ok, so that did me in. Mr. Rock being all emotional? Expressing feelings?..., total flock hug, and I put my head on Fang's shoulder and cried."- Max, MR4

"The one thing I really can't stand is when Max and the others are in pain or upset. Not upset as in angry or teed off, 'cause God knows if that got to me I'd be totally out of luck." -Fang


WOOT WOOT TWILIGHT QUOTES!!

Twilight Series Quotes

"I made the cowardly lion look like the terminator" - Bella

"Vampires play baseball?" - Bella

"Afraid of a needle. Oh, as sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs to find him. An IV, on the other hand..." -Edward

Edward: "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."
Bella: "What a stupid lamb."
Edward: "What a sick masochistic lion."

"I’m sorry if there’s been some kind of miscommunication, but Bella is unavailable tonight. To be perfectly honest, she’ll be unavailable every night, as far as anyone besides myself is concerned. No offense.” - Edward

"So, did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what?" ~ Mike

"I guess he considered me old enough now not to shoot myself by accident, and not depressed enough to shoot myself on purpose." - Bella

"Ladies first, partner?" Edward asked. I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile so beautiful that I could only stare at him like an idiot. "Or I could start, if you wish." The smile faded; he was obviously wondering if I was mentally competent.

"Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving." - Edward

"And you're worried, not because you are headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?" -Edward

Edward:"Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk,"
Bella: "Drunk?"
Edward: "You're intoxicated by my vere presence."

"Obviously no, if I was in hell you wouldn't be with me." - Bella

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share." - Alice

Jacob: "I am a werewolf and he's a vampire."
Bella : "And I'm a virgo!"

"I am switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures." - Bella

"We watched zombies eat people. It was great." - Bella

"Did you seriously just stomp your foot? I thought girls only did that on T.V." - Jacob

'Stupid, unreliable, vampire!' - Bella

"I have been tortured. Alice painted my toenails." - Bella

"You are in trouble. Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home." - Bella

Emily: "So, you're the vampire girl."
Bella: "Yes. Are you the wolf girl?"

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather — have some respect." - Bella

"I don't care who's a werewolf and who's a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too." - Bella

Bella: "Hold it Alice, I've got a few limitations for you."
Alice: "I know, I know, I know. I only have until August thirteenth at the latest, you have veto power on the guest list, and if I go overboard on anything, you'll never speak to me again."
Bella: "Oh, okay. Well, yeah. You know the rules, then."

"You said she needed a space heater, and here I am." ~ Jacob Black

Bella: "And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that."
Edward: "You paid attention."
Bella: "I've been known to do that every now and then."

Edward and Alice playing chess was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen. They'd sat there nearly motionless, while Alice foresaw the moves he would make and he picked the moves she would make in return out of her head. They played most of the game in their minds; I think they'd each moved two pawns when Alice suddenly flicked her king over and surrendered. It took all of three minutes. - Bella

Alice: "You're so bizarre, even for a human."
Bella: "Thanks."

Edward: "Is that any good? Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."
Bella: "Well, it's no irritable grizzly..."

"Next time you want to hit me, use a baseball bat or a crowbar, okay?" - Jacob

"How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?" - Alice

"I don't speak Car and Driver." - Bella

"And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche." -Alice Cullen

Emmet: "Fall down again Bella?"
Bella: "No, I punched a werewolf in the face"

“It’s a good thing you’re bulletproof. I’m going to need that ring. It’s time to tell Charlie.” Bella

Edward:"Why is the plane crashing?"
Bella: "Both engines have exploded and we're falling in a death spiral toward the earth."
Edward: "I'd wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, and we'd stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history."

"But if you ever bring her back damaged again-and I don't care whose fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head-if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that mongrel?" - Edward

Bella: "Alice, could you have stolen a more inconspicuous car?"
Alice: "I believe the relevant question is, could I have stolen a faster car."

Edward: "The only guess I have is that your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM."
Bella:"My mind doesn't work right?I'm a freak?"
Edward: "I hear voices in my mind and your worried that you're the freak."


COPY AND PASTE CRAP!! YAYZ!!


YOUR GUY SIDE:

x You love hoodies.
x You love jeans.
x Dogs are better than cats.
x It's hilarious when people get hurt.
x You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture.
x Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
x You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
x you watch sports on TV.
x Gory movies are cool.
x You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
x You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
x Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
x You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
x Sports are fun.
x Talk with food in your mouth.
x Sleep with your socks on at night--sometimes

TOTAL: 16

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

x You wear lip gloss/chapstick.
x You love to shop.
x You wear eyeliner.
x You wear the color pink
x Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
x You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
x You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
x Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
x You don't like the movie Star Wars.
x You were in gymnastics/dance.
x It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
x You smile a lot more than you should.
x You have more than 10 pairs of shoes that you wear.
x You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
x You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
x Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing.

TOTAL: 16

woohoo!! even steven!! yayz!! _

Character Quiz

1. Edward Twilight duh!)
2. Alice (Twilight)
3. Taylor (The Bean Tree)
4. Fang (Maximum Ride)
5. Iggy (Maximum Ride)
6. Angel (Maximum Ride)
7. Slim (Of Mice and Men)
8. Kira (Gathering Blue)
9. Max (Maximum Ride)
10. Bella (Twilight)

"Alright, quiz time!! ."

1 woke you up in the middle of the night?

i'd say "edward, shouldn't u be watching bella sleep or something?

Number 2 asked you to go out with him?

Ummmm. i don't feel that way about u alice. go hang out with jasper.

Number 3 walked into the bathroom while you're showering?

errr... ackward... i promise u can take a shower next taylor. or give turtle a bath in the sink if that's what u wanted to do.

4 announced he's going to marry 9 tomorrow?

about time they admitted their feelings toward each other!! but mayb fang and max should wait until they're older to take that kind of step..

5 cooked you dinner?

woot woot!! iggy's the only one in the flock that can cook!! but i'm slightly conserned about the food's likelyness to explode..

6 was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping?

id totally prank angel 4 all those times she did stupid inappropriate things like in max, how she kept jumping ship in the submarine so she could play in the water DURING A RESCUE MISSION.

7 suddenly confessed to be part of your family?

interesting, Slim's a cool guy, and i'd happily accept him into the family; if it were curly, george, or curley's wife, i might hav some issues with it. i mean curley is a dousch, i can't forgive george 4 what he did 2 lennie(his best friend!!), and curley's wife was a slut that caused way 2 much trouble...

8 got into the hospital somehow?

OH NO!! mayb it was something w/ her twisted leg, or she might've stabbed herself w/ a weaving needle, idk.

9 made fun of your friends?

WAT'S UR PROBLEM MAX!? IT'S NOT LIKE I'M MAKING FUN OF THEFLOCK, SO BACK OF AN, BACK OFF!! unless my friends were erasers/flyboys/m-geeks, then i could see where he's coming from

10 ignored you all the time?

she's probably 2 busy being wrapped up in the world of vamps and werewolves/shapeshifters(whateva).i'd probably just go shopping w/ alice instead!! _

Two serial killers are hunting you down. What will 1 do?

hopefully the same thing he did 4 bella; drive in at the exact right time, do some cool spinny volvo manuever, then freak the killers out by growling at them, all the while looking sexy doing it. -

You're on a vacation with number 2 and manage to break your leg. What does 2 do?

take me to carlisle, have him give me a cast, b-dazzle it, and the go shopping!!

It's your birthday. What will 3 give you?

idk, probably nothing; i don't quite think taylor can afford a present...

You're stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4 do?

fly in save me, look sexy, develop a new power to put outthe fire, then make out with max, in that order.

You're about to do something that'll make you feel extremely embarassed. What will 5 do?

get front row seats to, well not exactly WATCH, but listen and feel vibrations of my suffering...

You're about to marry number 10. What's 6's reaction?

angel would probably b speechless, or laughing her head off because she had sontrolled me to marry bella...they edward would chase me around w/ an ax screaming " BACK OFF SHE'S MINE!!"

You got dumped by someone. How will 7 cheer you up?

slim's gonna cheer me up? well, i guess he'd play horseshoes with me or give me 1 of his dog's puppies.

You're angry about it afterwards, how does 8 calm you down?

she weaves me a pretty picture on a stress ball, which i would then squeeze to death... muahahaha!!

You compete in some tournament. How does 9 support you?

max would scare the other competators w/ her evil glare and give me a better chance of winning. then, she'd force the rest of the flock to come cheer 4 me!

You can't stop laughing. What will 10 do?

probably trip over something and make me laugh harder

Number 1 is all you've ever dreamed of. Why?

umm he's SEXY and an osome guy!!

2 tells you about his deeply hidden love for number 9. Your reaction?

y does this quiz keep putting girls together? i'd remind alice about jasper and max about fang and they'd run off in search of them instead!

You're dating number 3 and introduce him to your parents. Will they get along?

im sorry, but i don't bend that way... >.>

Number 4 loves number 9 as well. What does that mean?

well DUH, of course fang luvs max, and max luvs him back!!

Will number 5 and 6 ever kiss?

no, Iggy's not a pedifile. If they were closer in age, mayb... ;)

6 appears to be a player, he breaks many hearts. What do you do?

Angel!! i am ashamed!! i'd get max to come yell @ her and bring her into line.

You had a haircut and 7 can't stop looking at you. What goes on in your mind?

Slim is starring @ me? that doesn't seem like him, idk...

Number 8 thinks she'll never get a boyfriend. What will you tell her?

all those jerks in the village r just horrible people; so what if she's slightly crippled, she's a great person w/ real talent!

Number 9 gives you a bagel. Do you eat it?

depends, does she like me or not? if she likes me, than yes, it's probably safe. if she doesn't like me, than no, she poisoned it or had iggy and gazzy put a bomb in it. i kno she wouldn't take a bagel i gave her, cause she's just paranoid like that.

1 offers you a CD. Considereing her tastes, do you listen to it?

ya, i'd listen to a few of the songs, especially clair de lune and bella's lullaby

2 suddenly goes emo. How does 8 feel about this?

Alice went emo? that would NEVER happen, and then still, kira doesn't even kno alice, so no reaction at all.

10 wants money and decides to get a job at Chuck E' Cheeses. How long does he stay?

she probably has a rational reason 4 needing the money, and at least i'll always kno where 2 find mike, eric, jacob, and edward

3 told 6 she started her period.

0.o taylor, hate to break it 2 ya, but i don't think a 7 year old minreading flying mutant girl needs 2 kno about that kind of stuff

4 slaps 9 with a fish for going out with 7.

FANG IS NOT GAY!! And, knowing Max, she'd slap back. and y does he want 2 go out with slim. isn't slim already married?

5 Comes up to you wearing a big pink dress. What's your reaction?

I'd laugh take a picture and put it on the internet; i guess he could see wat he was putting on when he got dressed.

6 cusses 2 out in german. 3 is secretly watching from behind a bush. What does she do?

bad angel!! i think taylor would tell max and then max would atttempt to teach angel that cussing, even in german is bad. did she hear these german cuss words in ter Borcht's head?

7 got high.

wow, i can't even imagine him getting drunk, but i can mayb picture curley and george drunk...

8 reads your fanfictions an complains. What is it about?

idk, she doesn't seem like 1 to complain...

9 can't stand 1, so how does he get his revenge when she spills Soda all over him?

probably beat him up, but he's a vamp, so it dosn't affect him

10 starts working at a bar..

i thought bella was working @ chuck e cheeses? well, i guess all the guys in forks r gonna develop a drinking problem..

1 comes in and tells you she's pregnant from 2.

EDWARD'S PREGNANT?? WITH ALICE'S BABY?? no comment... sicko quiz...

1 breaks up with you. For what reason did he break up with you?

he luvs bella, duh!!

2 is in love with 4, she confesses. how does 4 respond?

alice luvs jasper, quit trying to pair her w/ some1 else!! and fang luvs max so fang refuses her

3 is a drug addict. what do you do?

taylor no!! think of turtle.

4 kiss 8. what's your reaction?

kira scored BIG TIME!! but bad fang!! stay true to max!!

5 wants to go to hansmall. what is he going to buy from there?

explosives...

6 kisses your boyfriend. what do you do?

ur 2 young to kiss angel!! plus, im single, so it doesn't matter...

7 is missing .where do you go to look for her?

the barn, or out @ that one lady's house

8 needs a tutor. on what subject does he need tutoring?

language arts, cause kira can't read...

9 wants to be a cheerleader. what do you say?

Uhhh..."Look out, Team!!"

10 hates you. why?

ummm, i'm not a vamp or werewolf or super human creature...

1 gives you a teddy bear. why?

because edward is soooo sweet. and he read my mind and knew i wanted 1.

2 and 6 is fighting. what do you do?

they aren't actually fighting, they're fighting in their head because alice foresees angel's moves and angel reads alice's mind and hears alice's next move. just like when alice and edward played chess

3 ate 7. what's your reaction?

Taylor's a cannibal? slim is eaten? what kind of creul world is this?

4 died. how?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! NOT FANG!! D; I dunno how he died!! Maybe he got hurt trying to protect Max? :(

5 turns invisible. what does he do to you?

blow stuff up and laugh cause people can't see him, while think, ha! now u all knowhow i feel being unable to se thing. it would b quite frightening, actually.

6 loses memory. you have to give him a new memory. what do you say to him?

angel's a girl, firstly. and i'd tell her how she would always obey max no matter what and that the minds she hears when she reads minds is actually the voices inside her head speaking to her.

7 is having her baby today! what's her/his name?

slim's a guy, and idk, sumthing simple like... john, yeah, john.

8 is a pervert. he's coming right at you. what do you do?

kira's a pervert?! i don't think so. and considering the fact thatshe's got a twisted leg, i'd run away vvveeeeerrrryyy ssssllllloooowwwwwllllyyyy.

9 is going through a tough break up. how do you cheer her up?

OMFG DID FANG BREAK UP WITH MAX?! :O HE BETTER NOT HAVE!! I'LL KILL HIM!! Well...I'd make her chocolate chip cookies to cheer her up :)

10 broke up with 9. what do you do?

good, now they can get with the people they should be.

That took a long time and was vvveeerrry weird... now i gets to taggle peoples. so i tag Heart of Diamond, blackwolf412, SongoftheWolf, FlippyDaDolphin(i think that's ur pen name fredifer...) and supernerdy. TAG UR IT!!

Wonderful, Winspiring, Wamazing, Wepic Words of Wisdom

Some people are successful in this world. Others have a life. Still others play Farmville.

If you can admit you are weird, you're normal. If you declare yourself normal, now, that is odd!

He who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man; he who knows not and knows not that he knows not; that's a fool!

Never knock on Death's door. Ring his doorbell and run away. He hates that.

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering how the heck you did it.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Go ahead. Run with scissors. It won't automatically kill you.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

Music is like candy -- you throw away the rappers.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. But a best friend will be in the room next to you yelling "THAT WAS AWESOME LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

EMBRACE THE WEIRDNESS!

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there." type of thing. But more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us." type of thing.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, take it out on sibs!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed...

'I can resist everything except temptation.'

'Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.'

'Love doesn't make the world go round, Love is what makes the ride worthwhile'

'The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.'

'Come over to the good side, we have the Flock and chocolate'

'Life made sense... until I talked to my friends.'

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

'You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thnaks for embracing it.'

'They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.'

Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism, and is, in fact, frowned upon in most societies.

There is only one reason why you can't have everything...where would you put it?

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then counted against you.

You know the speed of light, but what's the speed of dark?

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day. He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

There's plenty of room for all of God's creatures -- right next to the mashed potatoes.

All but one of these in this category have a point.

Pick the ones that fit you (Mine are in BOLD)

Why StErEoTyPeS are the flaw in this world...

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be ANOREXIC.

I'm EMO, so I MUST CUT MY WRISTS.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a GUN.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a DITZ.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST SMOKE WEED.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST EAT CAT.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be SEXY.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be GREEDY.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a SEX-TAPE.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a BITCH.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST SHOVE MY BELIEFS DOWN YOUR THROAT.

I'm ATHEIST so i MUST HATE THE WORLD.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be EVIL and have NO MORALS.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST NOT CARE ABOUT POOR PEOPLE.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not BELIEVE in BEING RESPONSIBLE.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be GAY.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be WHITE TRASH.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be CRAZY.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to GET INTO YOUR PANTS.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a BAD DRINKING PROBLEM.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a CONCVENIENT STORE.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire SCREAMING LIKE A SAVAGE.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a WHORE.

I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be STUPID, STUCK UP, and a WHORE.

I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a SLUT.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do DRUGS.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a CONCEITED SNOB.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a GOTH or EMO.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a NAGGING, STEAL-YOUR-MONEY KIND OF GIRLFRIEND.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my SPARE TIME ROLLING CIGARS.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be EASY.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a HOME-WRECKING WHORE.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an IRRESPONSIBLE SLUT.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my SOCKS with my SANDALS.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a VIRGIN.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have NO SOCIAL LIFE.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be LOOKING FOR ATTENTION.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be LOOKING FOR ATTENTION.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a HOMOSEXUAL.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a CRAZY POLITICAL ACTIVIST.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be FUCKING THEM ALL.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be GAY.

I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a HOE.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a DRUG DEALER.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a POSER.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be COOL and that's how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a NAZI.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST LOOK GOOD and be CONCEITED.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be GREEDY.

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be LAZY.

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST LIKE LLAMAS.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be GOING in the WRONG DIRECTION.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be PRUDE.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I MUST be VIOLENT.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be UGLY or CRAZY.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love FRIED-CHICKEN and KOOL-AID.

I’m TALL so I MUST be GAWKY and a FREAK.

I'm BI so I MUST think EVERY GIRL I see is HOT.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS, so I MUST be FAT.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be UGLY.

I'm ASIAN so I MUST be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I QUESTION the EXISTENCE of an AFTERLIFE, so I MUST be UNPURE.

I'm CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC so I MUST HATE HOMOSEXUALS.

I'm MIXED so I must be FUCKED UP.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am PALE so I MUST be EMO.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a DORK (actually, i am a dork and a nerd, but im the coolest dork/nerd u'll EVA meet. ;D)

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.

I'm MORMON so I MUST be PERFECT.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'M BLACK

I'm GOTH so I MUST WORSHIP the DEVIL.

I love SHOPPING so I MUST be RICH.

I have a WEIRD LAUGH so I MUST be CRAZY or STUPID.

I am OG so I MUST be MEXICAN

I have GINGER HAIR and I’M A GIRL so I MUST be AVOIDED at ALL COSTS, BULLIED until my life is NOT WORTH LIVING, and FORCED to CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP at night BECAUSE there is NO ONE I can TALK TO.

I have GUY FRIENDS so I MUST DROOL OVER all of THEM.

I don’t do my HOMEWORK so I MUST be a BURN-OUT.

I listen to an IPOD so I MUST be a WANNABE.

I dont DO WELL IN P.E. so I MUST be a NERD.

I LISTEN TO EMO MUSIC so I MUST CUT, or THINK ABOUT SUICIDE.

I CONTEMPLATE the POINT of RELIGION, so I MUST HATE GOD.

~STOP STEREOTYPES! IF YOU HATE STEREOTYPES AND WANT THEM TO STOP, COPY THIS LIST INTO YOUR PROFILE AND ITALICIZE & BOLD THE ONES YOU ARE~

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

I read New Moon and Eclipse and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD(screw that...I'm gonna knock him SENSELESS til he's DEAD. Especially after Eclipse)

if you are a member of the LFC fan club, (Love fictional Chararcters,) copy and paste this into your profile.

If you secretly (or not so secretly) think that the names like Albus Severus and Renesme Carlie should NOT under any circumstances be forced upon innocent children as legal names, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you have ever mispelled a word that is four letters long or less, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you hate when you get writers block, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgot what you were talking about in the middle of a conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

Even when you cant see him GOD is there! if you belive in GOD put this in your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you becasue of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says, ‘If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.’


Difference between a good friend and a best friend:

A good friend wipes your tears when you're rejected. A best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

A good friend comforts you after your boyfriend dumps you. A best friend calls him up whispering, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "Damn that was fun! Let's do it again!"

A good friend will ask you why you're crying. A best friend will yell at anyone who comes near you "SHE'S PISSED!! LEAVE HER ALONE!!"

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen.

Good friends ask why you're crying. Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

Good friends will help you with your drug problem. Best friends are the ones who sold it to you.


1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4.

line 4 is "noticed right away." its my hard back copy of max ride: saving the world...

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?

a stuffed eagle with a shirt that says "go eagles" on it(cause it wouldn't make sense if it said something like "go tigers"

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

are u smarter than a 5th grader (the guy, unfortunately, was not)

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

10:23pm

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

11:19pm(wow, i did not kno it was that late

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

my sis in the bathroom across the hall messing around w/ the sink and my mom watching tv and i think my dad is snoring. the ac just turned off 2.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

i was coming back from dinner w/ my parents. the time bf that

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

supernerdy's profile and b4 that, her story "Replaced" ch 15

9. What are you wearing?

blue tank top thingy, white jacket, skinny jeans

10. Did you dream last night?

yep, which is weird, because i haven't had a dream in a while,and it was less strange/random than my dream usually r

11. When did you last laugh?

idk, i laugh 2 much 2 keep track of each specific time i laugh

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

2 framed pictures, a window, a closet door, a door to the hallway

13. Seen anything weird lately?

Yes. a senior dressed up as the pope 4 superhero day during spirit week. he walked up 2 people in the hall, made a cross motion w/ his hands and said "u hav been blessed" that was a pretty sweet day.

14. What do you think of this quiz?

its ok. @ least it gives me something 2 do while i avoid going 2 bed

15. What is the last film you saw?

Pearl Harbor.

16.If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

everything!! :D (can u say shopaholic?!)

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:

someday iwant to go 2 tegucigulpa, honduras, purely because of its awesome name.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

probably world peace, end of world hunger, no more global warming, stuff like that, just because im sick of worrying about all that stuff and w/ all of those things solved, imagine how less horrible the news would sound

19. George Bush:

moron

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

something unique but not weird, mayb addison

21. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Voltaire!! a strange name, but how epic is it?!

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yes.


Random Funny sayings!

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

I know it sounds like I'm in denial, but I'm not.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, WHY ARE YOU SCARED?!

The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

If ignorance is bliss, I'm the happiest person you'll ever meet.

A conclusion is simply the place where you get tired of thinking.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Everyone has photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

When in doubt, mumble.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

I'm not overweight, I'm undertall.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

It's not fat, it's potential muscle.

My doctor told me to start my exercise program very gradually. Today I drove past a store that sells sweat pants.

The handle on your recliner does not qualify as an exercise machine.

I'm on a 90-day wonder diet. Thus far, I have lost 45 days.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect to get it back!

A life? Cool! Where do I download one of those?

Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some idiot who desperately deserves it.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

What is the speed of dark?

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Which way does a compass point in space?

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun.

Music is my boyfriend.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

I'm here because Heaven wouldn't take me, and Hell was afraid I'd take over.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

Psychology: Mind over matter? Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind.

When I hear somebody say, "Life is hard," I'm always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

Join The Army. Visit places. Meet cool people... Then kill them...

If all else fails, read the instructions.

There is nothing more depressing than a hollow chocolate bunny.

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Perfect men are only fictional. (Hopefully I'm not the only one who realizes this.)

I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.

Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it only takes three to stick up your middle finger and say, "Bite me!"

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Newsflash, Honey, I don't live to please you.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Well, the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

It is better to stay silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Anger is merely depression with enthusiasm.

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."

"Welcome to the Ool. There's no "p" in it, lets keep it that way."

"If you're standing on a toilet, you're high on pot."

"Someday we'll look back at this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."

"Parents spend the first years of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and then during the rest of our lives they tell us to sit down and shut up."

"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running try and keep up!"

"I'm the kind of person your parents warned you about."

"Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright."

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

"They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?"

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder."

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." –Bill Watterson

"Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more."

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.

"It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with."

"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?"

Put this in your profile if you know a person or two who needs to get squished by a bus... or Tyler Crowley's van.

"Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together."

"Education is important, school however, is another matter."

"Don’t mess with me - I've got a stick."

"Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable."

"Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't."

"I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either."

"1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you."

"Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls."

"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped."

"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'"

"He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.
She Said: You wear pants don't you?"

"Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."

"I'm the kind of girl who falls and apologizes for it."

If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun.

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives.

"I smile cause I don't know what the hell is going on."

When life give you lemons, make apple juice then laugh as everyone tries to figure out what the hell you did.

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight.

Have you seen my mind? I seem to have lost it...

-Person # 1: Happiness is just around the corner.

Person # 2: Too bad the world is round!

Never knock on deaths door, ring the doorbell and hide, he hates that.

I'm not afraid of death; what's it gonna do, kill me?

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

WARNING: DO NOT follow in my footsteps...I tend to walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun!

Growing old is mandatory, growing up however...

Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do criticze them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.

You see dead people, but I see regular people and it burns!!

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me!

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I don't suffer from insanity, I am enjoying every minute of it.

I believe that you should live everyday as if its your last, which is why my room is such a mess. I mean come on who wants to clean their room on their last day?!

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver...

Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!

If you don't like the way I drive then stay off the sidewalks.

Life is like a pack of gum...I've yet to figure out why.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Come to the dark side...we found the Flock!

I smile because I have no idea what is going on.

I used to be normal, then I met the freaks I call friends (I love you guys! :D)

Therapist= The/rapist...scary thought

There is no "I" in TEAM, but there is an "I" in PIE, and there is an "I" in MEATPIE, and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!!

Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and then for the rest of our lives tell us to sit down and SHUT UP!!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder while coming in a boat to save your sorry butt!

I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of dead silence because of something that I just got that happened yesterday

Isn't it funny how the word politics is made up of the Latin word "poli" meaning many and "tics" meaning blood-sucking creatures?

What happens if you get scared to death twice?

You know its going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

Sometimes I lie awake at night asking myself what I've done wrong, then the voice in my head says, " This is going to take more then one night..."

I like you. When the world is mine your death will be quick and painless. Maybe.

I can be smart. I just choose not to be. (so true!)

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt!"?

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree.

I didn't say it was your fault...just that I was going to blame you

You can blame all your problems on my two imaginary friends "Steve" and "Candy". They don't mind.

I'm not random, I just have many th- OH LOOK A SQUIRREL!!

Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Only in America do we have problems with obesity, but still let kids roam around once a year looking for free candy.


Racsism Sux!!

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

Top 71 Most Annoying Things To Do In An Elevator

1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15. Swat at flies that don't exist.

16. Tell people that you can see their aura.

17. Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

27. Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

28. Hold an auction.

29. Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

30. Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.

31. Throw a rave.

32. Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei."

33. Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

34. Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.

35. Have a heated debate with yourself.

36. Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

37. Drum on every available surface.

38. Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.

39. Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.

40. Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

41. Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

42. Propose to the other passengers.

43. Challenge people to duels.

44. Sell girl scout cookies.

45. Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor.

46. Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."

47. Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

48. Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a lighter.

49. Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend.

50. Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers.

51. Shout "Food fight!"

52. Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"

53. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

54. Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.

55. Elevators were practically MADE for river dnce!

56. Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

57. Make sushi.

58. Shave.

59. Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

60. Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.

61. Practice your kung fu.

62. Make race car noises when people get on and off.

63. Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"

64. Fly a model airplane.

65. Do yoga.

66. Play the accordion

67. Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.

68. Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.

69. Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.

70. Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."

71. Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.


A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House" for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculing: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be a masculine or feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won (although in Spanish, it techinchally is La Computadora.)


Cures for those stupid pick up lines!

Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and thats why I don't go there anymore

Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money.

Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must have been given your share.

Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.

Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?

Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

Man: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?

Man: Want to see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen one.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Woman: Really? I'd put F and U together!


Famous Peoples Last Words!!

Pancho Villa: Don't let it end this way! Tell them I said something!

John Adams: Thomas Jefferson still survives (For those who don't kno, Jefferson had died earlier that same day, but Adams didn't kno at the time)

Lady Aster: (when she woke up to find everyone in her room) am i dying or is it my birthday? (let's just say it wasn't her birthday)

Dylan Thomas(poet): I've had 18 straight whiskeys, i believe that's the record.

Che Guevara: Shoot coward, you are only going to kill a man!

Gen John Sedrick: (staring across the confederate line) they couldn't hit an elephant at this dis-

Voltaire: (when asked to repute the devil) this doesn't seem like a good time to be making enemies

Paul Cladel: Doctor, do you think it was the sausage?

O. Henry: Turn up the lights, i don't want to go home in the dark.

Oscar Wilde: Either that wallpaper goes or i do.

Kit Carson: i just wish i had time for one more bowl of chili

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Maximum Ride: Secret Service Agent by DANZNQUEEN reviews
After receiving several anonymous threats, the United States Secret Service enlists the help of the flock in protecting the first family! Can they stop terrorists bent on assassinating the President? And what about the cute sixteen year-old First Son...?
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 16 - Words: 17,679 - Reviews: 227 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 12/27/2011 - Published: 1/19/2009 - Max, Fang
Strangers by stripedpolkadots reviews
The Flock has been separated and memories have been erased. The school is doing everything in their power to keep them apart, but one little mistake may cause things to get... out of hand. Will the flock remember? Or has the school won for good? FAX
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 124,832 - Reviews: 342 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 11/27/2011 - Published: 6/15/2009
Bella Hale by JulesSC reviews
Six year old Isabella Swan was orphaned after a car crash took her parents away, and Edward and the Cullens find her. Alice decides to keep her, and Edward tries to protect her. Family drama and hilarity ensues as Bella grows up and ExB happens.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 51 - Words: 386,995 - Reviews: 13323 - Favs: 8,047 - Follows: 5,994 - Updated: 7/8/2011 - Published: 11/21/2008 - Edward, Bella
My Fangs by TheOtherKate reviews
We all know that Max is different. But what you don't know is that she's more different than the rest of the flock could ever dream about. What happens when a teenager falls out of the skys,with wings,near Edward and Bella's house? X-Over with Twilight!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 45,837 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 7/5/2011 - Published: 3/31/2009 - Max
Maxamorphosis by ironyheartsap reviews
Max learns surprising secrets regarding her DNA; it is partly composed of Vampire DNA. Soon it's mutating out of control, and Max is slowly changing into a vampire. Will the Cullens be able to help? & what about the Volturi? Better/full summary inside.FAX
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 22 - Words: 53,540 - Reviews: 260 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 5/6/2011 - Published: 4/9/2009
When They Chase Us by blackwolf412 reviews
Hello. It's me again. I didn't know I'd ever meet kids like me. I didn't know I'd ever fear for my life on an almost-daily basis. But you know what? I don't care. 'Cuz I'm havin' the time of my life.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 38 - Words: 170,894 - Reviews: 278 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 3/23/2011 - Published: 3/5/2010 - Complete
Chasing Ride by RenRawrzBby reviews
Max gets captured by the school. It's been 10 years since she's seen the flock, and she's finally escaped the school. what happens when she finds the flock? will they even take her back? MAJOR FAX review please!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 17,019 - Reviews: 431 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 167 - Updated: 1/17/2011 - Published: 1/6/2009 - Max, Fang
100 years later by Stefy101 reviews
This story happens during New Moon, But the story you know stops when Laurent meets Bella in the woods. What would happen if the werewolfs hadn't saved Bella? What if she had become a vampire without Edward. Worse: What if Edward found out,100 year later
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 40 - Words: 38,938 - Reviews: 1596 - Favs: 696 - Follows: 379 - Updated: 8/23/2010 - Published: 11/25/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Angel Love by Heart of Diamond reviews
Max and Angel are running for there lives. They want to live like other human children, but it's hard when you don't speak their language. When Max finds shelter in a tree house in the back yard of a giant house, Who will she meet? Will they help her? Fax
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 48,151 - Reviews: 507 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 7/20/2010 - Published: 12/9/2008 - Max, Fang - Complete
The Plothole Kingdom: Maximum Ride by UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND reviews
Have you ever wondered where all the things that disappear from the story go? Well, they fall into the plothole! This is a tour through the Maximum Ride plohole.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,394 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 5/31/2010 - Published: 2/1/2010
Times Like These by Spazzynerd reviews
Everything's calm. That is, until Angel goes missing. But when they find her shortly after with another...birdkid, things start picking up again. Will the Flock accept the new member, or kick her to the curb?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 45,545 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 5/18/2010 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Iggy
Fang Venom Must Die! by The Black Rose 1995 reviews
Fang is the king of high school and is now dating the three hottest girls Nudge, Ella, and Bridget. When Max comes she tells them and then helps them get back at him by beaking his heart. But what happens when she starts to fall for him?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 34,234 - Reviews: 386 - Favs: 203 - Follows: 117 - Updated: 5/15/2010 - Published: 8/9/2009 - Fang, Max - Complete
A Date With Death by TheOtherKate reviews
Everbody knows that death already has a planned date for you to die. But what if the one creature on the Earth that was never supposed to die, died? What if Edward's date was a lot closer than any of his family could ever imagine? 4-shot! Character death!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,342 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 3/14/2010 - Published: 5/9/2009 - Edward - Complete
When Sparks Fly by blackwolf412 reviews
Okay. I didn't ask to be genetically altered while I was in the womb. I didn't ask to be brutally attacked in some Chicago alley. I didn't ask to run into six other mutants. But it all happened anyway. So here goes.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 45 - Words: 150,374 - Reviews: 318 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 2/25/2010 - Published: 4/30/2009 - Complete
Angel Child by Heart of Diamond reviews
Sequel to Angel Love. The flock are free! but problems come from know where and suddenly Max is in danger. Enemies and allies appear, old and new. but survival and holding onto the ones you love might be to much to keep. Fax! Niggy!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 26 - Words: 46,917 - Reviews: 417 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 2/8/2010 - Published: 6/28/2009 - Max, Fang
Mia Bella Angelo My Beautiful Angel by CrazyObbsesiveBoredOublec42Luv reviews
When Bella swan goes into the woods searching for the spot Edward left her, just like she found the meadow again, what happens when a group of "Erasers" find her as a "new specimen" for "the avian project"...What happens when her life gets torn from her?
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 5,406 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 11/29/2009 - Published: 4/1/2009 - Iggy, Bella
Replaced by supernerdy reviews
What would you do if you woke up 26 years in the future and learned you were your own daughter, your cousin knew that you would murder her, and that your mother was dead? *Complete*
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 18 - Words: 23,654 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 11/8/2009 - Published: 6/22/2009 - Max - Complete
Winged Immortal, Maximum Ride Twilight Crossover by supernerdy reviews
Nudge is fatally injured in a surprise flyboy attack. There is no chance of keeping her heart beating, but perhaps she can still be saved. Takes place after FW & BD, thus spoilers. Flames welcome.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 20,909 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 9/6/2009 - Published: 9/27/2008 - Nudge - Complete
Twilight to The Maximum Ride by Bookits reviews
The Flock kick Max out because they think that she was working for the School, but she wasn't. So she goes to Italy where Aro has her changed into a vampire. Max is the coolest vampire, but she has on thing odd about her, she doesn't eat blood. ON HOLD!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,343 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 88 - Updated: 6/2/2009 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Max, Edward
Cigarette Burns by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
AH. Bella is a local junkie and Edward is a famous artist. He meets Bella outside of one of his art shows and she ends up going home with him. ExB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 43,585 - Reviews: 1070 - Favs: 1,019 - Follows: 540 - Updated: 5/28/2009 - Published: 5/25/2009 - Bella, Edward
Maximum Ride, Gone but not Forgotten by Aleria14 reviews
Max dies in Fangs arms after being shot. See how the flock each deal with the terrible loss in their own way and how they learn to move on. Can Fang step up and complete Max's dying wish? Will he be able to keep his family from falling apart? Some FAX!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Friendship - Chapters: 17 - Words: 35,491 - Reviews: 134 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 5/26/2009 - Published: 5/4/2009 - Complete
The Quileute Mud Battle by Full Moon Ballad reviews
Did you ever wonder what Bella and Jacob's childhood was like? Let's look at the mud pie incident, for example...
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 886 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/24/2009 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
A MR Parody Thign by Bedelato reviews
My first story and my first attempt at an MR parody. Hilarious if I say so myself. Featuring: annoying narrator, programming jokes, and more! Reviews are appreciated but not required.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,247 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 5/17/2009 - Published: 5/10/2009 - Complete
A Visit from the Past by AlexTWolfe reviews
The flock finds a new group of people like them. But different. They are from the past, drawn by some force to live again. Except, they are young again. Together, the flocks must band and defeat the threat on the world before it is too late
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 463 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/11/2009 - Max, Fang
The Secret Compartment by bellaklutz2010 reviews
When Bella decides to move to Forks her mother and Phil give her one last gift, a desk from the 1900’s. When Bella finds a secret compartment filled with secret letters she finds herself falling in love with a man who no longer exists, or does he?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 44,998 - Reviews: 2139 - Favs: 1,319 - Follows: 528 - Updated: 2/2/2009 - Published: 10/29/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
What is Free? reviews
Have you ever wonder what the heck happened to all those mutants that the Flock saved at the institute in the Angel Experiment? Why did JP just get rid of them and then pretend they had never existed at all? and most importantly, what is their story? R&R!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,148 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 6/9/2009