Artemis MH Cullen
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Joined 04-04-09, id: 1889006, Profile Updated: 10-04-09
Author has written 5 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Twilight, and Artemis Fowl.

Hi my name is Mia. Well, that's my internet name. I have another one, but I'm not stupid. Someone could come and see my real name and kill me in my sleep.

If you haven't noticed, I am kinda morbid. I new to fanfiction.net as of April 4, 2009. I have nothing else to write...for now.

I love reading books. My favorites are Artemis Fowl, Twilight, The 39 Clues, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Anything by Louisa May Alcott, the host, Blue Bloods, House of Night, The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Son of the Mob series, Pendragon, and Anne of Green Gables. I would list more, but I have read more than 500 books in the 12 years that i have lived, so i don't want to list any more.


Check out this story:

I surrended to the latest fad- yes I am very disappointed in myself. Check me out on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=Ami+Agrawal&init=quick#/profile.php?id=100000291347659&ref=ss. Tell me what you think of my cousin. She's cute, isn't she? ISN'T SHE!

Hey, I set up a forum. Go check it out, cause you know you want to. Here's the link http://www.fanfiction.net/myforums/Artemis_MH_Cullen/1889006/

Hello, Artemis here. Just anupdate so you don't think I'm dead or anything.

Hello, I changed my avatar to Logan Lerman who plays Percy in the LT movie. Isn't he hot? And my penname used to be bella to the MAX, but now it's Artemis MH Cullen.


Hello all my fans of my Twilight stories. Unfortunately, I am only allowed on the computer for about five hours each day and that's not enough time for me to write something good, so it will take me some time to update. I am really sorry, but blame my father. He doesn't want me to get on fanfiction and it's so annoying. There are parental controls and everything on my computer and I can't figure out his password, so I can't override them. I am extremely sorry and even sorrier that I can't get access to my sister's half of the cpmputer, because my dad has like completely blocked it. And all my updates were on that account, so I can't update for a while. Again, I am extremely sorry and I hope you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me.


Heyo all my fans! I am still in India, unfortunately, but goo thing is I'll be back home tommorrow. Aren't you glad?

Wel, you know how I promised 25 chapters ? shifts uncomfortably in seat Well, I only wrote maybe 6 or 7 and one of them is for a sequel. I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry! I just lost total inspiration. But I have a bunch of new ideas for Twilight, so if you read that, read my new stories that are bound to come out. And when school starts, I'll be extremely busy because my dad only lets me on the computer after I've praticed both piano and oboe for at least 15 minutes. Sometimes more. And then I have a bunch of teste and dance lessons and piano lessons and I have to have time to read books. Oh, and did I mention my sister has a liver infection?

The first few days, it was so hectic. My mom really worries about us when we are India, because she's afraid we will get sick really badly. I was sick, nd my sister my sick two times. The first time, it was just the usual fever and stuff, but the next time, it was a fever of 103 (not that impressive but it beats my record) and then two days after that, not eating. Then my mom wen

I hate bullies and flamers. Just because you know a lot of fancy terms and whatever, doesn't mean you have to show off. Bullies just want attention, so just ignore them. Flamers are angry at someone else so they take it on you. So just ignore them. Go ahead and write your story.

Here are my ten reasons to be Team Edward.

1. he makes an effort to know what you are feeling if he can't read your mind
2. he's too faithful to go to a strip club
3. he doesn't kill people anymore
4. he always tries to make the best decisions for the good of people he cares about
5. he sparkles
6. he or Bella wasn't blonde and they had a kid so who needs to be blonde
7. he does his best to be moral and logical
8. he fought down his family to save Bella
9. he ignores Rosalie's mean thoughts and Emmett's inappropriate ones
10. he's a vampire

Here are my ten reasons to be Team Jasper.

1. he knows how your feeling
2. he's to decent to go to a strip club
3. even with his bad past he tortures himself so he won't kill people
4. he makes an effort to understand you
5. he never abandoned anyone
6. he knows how to fight
7. he can put up with everyones emotions
8. he's philosophical, smart, moral, and faithful
9. I'm a brunette so apparently we have no fun and he's a blonde so he does
10. he's a vampire


If you have ever started humming a song that you have absolutely no idea what it is put this on your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile

If you have ever copy and paste something onto your profile, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have ever copy and paste something onto your profile, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have ever forgotten what you are talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have ever stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile!

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels!

If you walk and trip or stumble because your too busy reading a book copy and paste this into your profile!

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile!

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile

If you've ever pulled on a door and complained about it being locked or really heavy, only to have someone point out to you that you're supposed be pushing on the door or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile!

Admitting you are weird means you are normal! Saying that you are normal is odd! If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy and paste this onto your profile!

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself! It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's weird! If you agree, copy and paste this and put it in your profile!

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile!

92 percent of teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch wasn't cool to breath any more, Put this in your profile if your one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off!

If you think vampires have souls copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you think the Cocoa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile!

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy and paste this into your profile!

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone! Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it copy onto your profile this in your profile!

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur profile!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile!

If you think that any cartoon characters that are trying to steal cereal should just go to the freaking grocery store and buy some themselves copy this into your profile!

If your family/friends/people around you stared at you when you did the above mentioned, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you think that dumb girl from the Eggo commercial should just give her father some freakin' waffles already, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile!

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings! If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile! LONG LIVE PLUTO!

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile!

My best friend is insane, if you think your best friend is insane, put this in your profile!

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If there are times when you just wanna annoy people for the heck of it then copy and paste this into your profile!

Skittles tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you are sad because there will be no more Harry Potter books , copy and paste this into your profile

If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

98 percent of the population has a myspace. If you're one of the 2 percent that isn't emo, copy and paste this in your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your pro

AACD is Addicted to All Cullens Disorder
AV is Addicted to Vampires
ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder
If you are addicted to Vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. copy and paste this if you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?"

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this into your profile!

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy & paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you've ever had that happen to you copy this and put it in your profile.

If you are insane and proud of it, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you've ever randomly burst into song, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you don't care that watching cartoons is considered immature, copy & paste this into your profile

If you have ever had a 'Blonde Moment' copy & paste this into your profile.

If you like filling your profile with 'copy & paste this into your profile' thingys, then COPY & PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have ever wondered who made up all the 'copy & paste this into your profile' thingies, copy & paste this into your profile!

92 percent of the teenage poulation would die if Abercrombie or Fitch said that it wasn't cool to brethe anymore. Put this inn your profile if you are one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing. like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetballs? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you think you have too many of these"copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intentions of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like to read what people have in their profiles, and you like Copy& Paste stuff, copy and paste this into your profile (

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

One of my favorite characters is a character that no one would give a second thought to. If you like a character that no one would give a second thought to, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. I can't help but wonder...do they think it's cool to wake up 20 years later with lung cancer? And when they do get cancer from, do they actually think it was worth it just to be "cool" like the other kids?

This is Bunny. Copy and paste him onto your profile to help him gain world domination

Fine the Real Definition

(From Italian Job)

F.reaked Out

I.nsecure

N.uerotic

E.motional


I got this from someone elses profile. What she or he said was really wise.

This isn't one of those fake, repost or your life will be a living hell things. It's just for you to read, and think of all the people that died that day, all the people that had loved ones and never said goodbye and for all the people who had to watch as their best friends, lovers too, died. I'm not asking you to repost this, you don't even have to cry, just keep this in your hearts and minds for the people that never got goodbyes.

Try Not To Cry
Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye.
I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.
But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true
And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"


Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endore

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrust the blade
Right into her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arm

If you hate child abuse, post this on your profile.


25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

People With Way Too Much Time on Their Hands and a Pack of Scrabble Letters


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eyes.

When life give you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

Everyone has a wild side--me and my friends just prefer to make them public

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

EMO=Extravagantly Made Oragami

YOUTUBE myspace and I'll Google your YAHOO

Labels are for cans. And in case you haven't noticed--Im not a can.

Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all goth again

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job...

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

PONDER THIS

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?


These are Dr. Laura's man rules.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports; it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
9. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
11. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
14. ALL men see in only 16 Colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A Color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
16. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .
18. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
19. You have enough clothes.
20. You have too many shoes.
21. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
22. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


FRIENDS Vs. BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!"


16 things to do in Walmart.

1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2.Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3.Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4.Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5.Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area
6.Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7.When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8.Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9.While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10.Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11.In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13.When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14.Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
16. Stage a conversation with your shadow then when you walk through a shady area, scream that your friend is missing.


42 Things to do in an Elevator

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. MEOW occasionally.
6. STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. SAY -DING at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9.MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. STARE, gri nning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.
25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. ASK, "Did you feel that?"
34. TELL people that you can see their aura.
35. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time...
38. START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air
39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors
40. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.
41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.
42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.


Spread the Stupidity

Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America do we use the politics to describe the process of economy so: Poli in latin meaning many and tics meaning blooksucking creature.
Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and thats why I don't go there anymore

Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money.

Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must have been given your share.

Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.

Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?

Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

Man: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?

Man: want to see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen one.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: I'm God's gift to women
Woman: God certainly has a sense of humor.


If you see this, than I know you are actually trying to read my profile. So kudos to you. Here's a cookie and a coupon to buy a chapter of any of my stories. Twilight ones included.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

"The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life."

How To Annoy Zeus

Tell him Hera hates him for cheating on her.

Steal his master bolt.

Burn the bolt.

Tell him Poseidon did it.

Watch him throw Poseidon in Tatarus.

Make a robot Hera

Make the robot Hera scold him for siring Thalia.

Tell him his daddy wants to see him.

Pretend to be Kronos.

Scold him for imprisoning his sibling in Tatarus.

Tell him the only way to make you happy is…

To free all the titans.

Oh and Typhon.

Laugh as the titans kill people.

Move to Mars to escape.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don’t want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Random stuff

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your ass off.

Edward's the fastest, Emmett's the strongest, but Jasper can sit in a corner and still make you feel jealous!

This is TRULY Horrible but you should read to make a stand against child abuse!

My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see,

I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall.

I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door.

He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah And I am but three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me.

Try this

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

Copy and paste this on your profile if you can read it.

Really Dumb Store labels:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what? Outer Space?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)


Quotes, etc...

He who laughs last thinks slowest

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

One day we're going to look back on this, laugh nervously and then change the subject

My mind works like lightning...one flash and then it's gone.

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!!

When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!


Friends...

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I laugh even harder, and then I get a paddle boat and save your stupid butt.

1. When you are sad, I will help you get revenge against the sorry idiot.

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

This is my oath. I pledge it until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel its warmth.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so i MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So i must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so i MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN so i MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so i MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so i must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so i must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so i must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so i must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so i MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so i MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE, So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I Must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be an obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be an OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I MUST be after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have no clue
I STILL LIKE TO WATCH CARTOONS so I MUST be immature.

Stereotypes I fit under are bolded, so if you hate stereotypes and want people to shut up, put this on your own profile and make it known how stupid stereotypes are


Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Tropic of Virgo by In.a.blue.bathrobe reviews
He's a young but jaded musician writing lyrics for his band, and she's a naive, frustrated poet looking to break out of her shell; their words collide online. What happens when they meet in high school, unaware of their literary connection?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 38 - Words: 150,800 - Reviews: 20136 - Favs: 13,092 - Follows: 5,439 - Updated: 9/9/2013 - Published: 3/4/2009 - Complete
Welcome to Drama Academy by twilightluver001 reviews
All the girls in East Coast Academy wanted one thing- the king, the playboy of the school,EDWARD CULLEN. What happens when the beautiful Isabella arrives and Edward is determined to make her his? Will she fall for the playboy? All HUMAN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,055 - Reviews: 13050 - Favs: 6,181 - Follows: 2,781 - Updated: 11/7/2011 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Subject: Edward Cullen, aka The Womanizer by ericastwilight reviews
Edward's family hire Bella Swan to break the heartbreaker's heart in hopes to have him see the error of his womanizing ways. But she falls hard, too, at the risk of breaking her own heart when the truth is revealed. EXB-AH-OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 43 - Words: 328,966 - Reviews: 9473 - Favs: 8,334 - Follows: 5,697 - Updated: 9/2/2011 - Published: 10/18/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Welcome to the Real World by twilightluver001 reviews
Sequel to "Welcome to Drama Academy". As Bella and Edward continue pursuing their careers, they find life isn't as easy as they thought it would be. How will they overcome the pressure from work and family together? Takes place 6 years after Drama Academy
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 163,948 - Reviews: 5859 - Favs: 2,643 - Follows: 2,505 - Updated: 8/20/2011 - Published: 9/27/2008 - Complete
Congratulations by retroninjachick reviews
Bella and Edward were once best friends, until Bella fell for him, only to run away after his wedding. It's been three years and they meet again. What exactly will go down when Edward realizes he might have made a mistake? Is it too late? E/B, AH complete
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 99,565 - Reviews: 1067 - Favs: 978 - Follows: 352 - Updated: 7/28/2011 - Published: 8/25/2008 - Complete
Bella Hale by JulesSC reviews
Six year old Isabella Swan was orphaned after a car crash took her parents away, and Edward and the Cullens find her. Alice decides to keep her, and Edward tries to protect her. Family drama and hilarity ensues as Bella grows up and ExB happens.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 51 - Words: 386,995 - Reviews: 13406 - Favs: 8,106 - Follows: 6,023 - Updated: 7/8/2011 - Published: 11/21/2008 - Edward, Bella
Love Is A Battlefield, Literally by IKWhatGirlsLike reviews
Our fav couple goes through turmoil as they struggle through a quest, a quest where they are tempted to do things they never dreamed of doing. Where their relationship gets a whole lot more physical. Where there is the smell of burnt fishsticks. PERCABETH
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 29,483 - Reviews: 780 - Favs: 258 - Follows: 201 - Updated: 6/27/2011 - Published: 5/31/2009 - Annabeth C., Percy J.
I'm Scared by Sea of Topaz reviews
Audra and Harry were left at the Dursleys. After 4 years Remus and Sirius take them away. Audra is scared of everything. What happens when the Cullens move in next door? Audra & Bella r the same people. HPXTwilight posted under both. T because I'm paranoi
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 48 - Words: 140,949 - Reviews: 329 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 6/17/2011 - Published: 8/25/2008 - Bella, Edward
Red by Oxygen.and.Cucumber reviews
Bella hated Edward, and Edward hated Bella. Or so she thought. Forced to work with him for the money, there's no escaping his anger, his resentment, and... his love. AH/AU EDITING IN PROGRESS: CHAPTER 1-4 DONE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 17,721 - Reviews: 3725 - Favs: 1,905 - Follows: 1,068 - Updated: 2/22/2011 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Black Dahlia Huntress by Sea of Topaz reviews
Bella has a bro Emmett. He's 13 yr older & lives with Charlie. When Bellas 7 he & friends go hiking and are never seen again. Bella happens upon events that lead her to a strange meeting with several familiar faces. Bella's a little more than human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 24,123 - Reviews: 955 - Favs: 603 - Follows: 643 - Updated: 12/30/2010 - Published: 10/18/2008 - Bella, Edward
Holding Out For You by ObsessingOverEdward reviews
After her divorce, Bella starts a new life with her son. She soon meets a handsome doctor, who is dealing with his own loss and is struggling to raise his two kids. It's a story of finding strength during adversity and learning to love again
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,793 - Reviews: 18537 - Favs: 7,737 - Follows: 3,718 - Updated: 11/16/2010 - Published: 11/20/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Always by fourthofjuly1996 reviews
"From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe. Dumbledore turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears." A story of friendship, love, sacrifice and grief- from beginning to end. Severus/Lily. "'After all this time? ' 'Always.'"
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,423 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 10/14/2010 - Published: 9/6/2009 - Severus S., Lily Evans P.
Forever Hunted by Sea of Topaz reviews
Bella Jasper & Rose were adopted by Esme. Edward Alice & Emmett by Carlisle. Bella & Edward hate each other the second they meet. Carlisle proposes to Esme. Bella gets a phone call: her parents murderer escaped from prison & is coming to kill her too. AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 9 - Words: 19,272 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 204 - Follows: 229 - Updated: 9/20/2010 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Bella, Edward
You Make My Dreams Come True by ashel-13 reviews
SEQUEL TO MLOONAA! Join Bella, Edward, and the gang as they reunite during college for breaks! Fun, Fluff, Lemons, and of course DTE! OOC, AU, and All Human. Please read Making Love Out Of Nothing At All first!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,387 - Reviews: 3855 - Favs: 2,240 - Follows: 2,215 - Updated: 8/2/2010 - Published: 5/22/2009
A Trip for a Walk by AlkalineLeigh reviews
When Bella's best friend,Alice,enters her into America's Next TopModel, life may change for the better or worse. While Bella fights to be on top and actually get something out of life, she finds herself falling for one of the judges,Edward Masen.All Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 56,631 - Reviews: 1064 - Favs: 591 - Follows: 725 - Updated: 7/26/2010 - Published: 12/26/2007
Isabella and The Cullens by Nessierox reviews
Isabella is a sweet innocent 6 yr old,going on a trip with her parents.I guess fate was not on their side.Bella is now all alone until the Cullens find her.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 57 - Words: 87,863 - Reviews: 875 - Favs: 432 - Follows: 292 - Updated: 6/23/2010 - Published: 4/19/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Adventures of OOC Percy and OOC Annabeth by Zoe Nightshade reviews
Sick of OOC Percabeth fics? Well here's the grossest, most disgustingly OOC group of Percabeth stories ever written. It's parody.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,831 - Reviews: 376 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 6/11/2010 - Published: 8/3/2009 - Percy J., Annabeth C.
The Screamers by KiyaRaven reviews
Street kid. Rockstar. Worlds apart and yet so similar. Sometimes fate throws people together for a reason, and sometimes two people that rub each other the wrong way make the best sparks. All Human **WARNING: MOSTLY HUMOR BUT ALSO CONTAINS ANGST & DARK THEMES**
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 358,773 - Reviews: 12490 - Favs: 7,077 - Follows: 3,468 - Updated: 6/2/2010 - Published: 5/23/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
I Hate Myself For Loving You by halojones reviews
Bella's ready to bust out of her shell in college with roomie Alice. She meets the dazzling but rakish Edward, but is warned of his less than angelic ways. Will B/A be just another notch in the belt for J/E, or will they teach the boys a lesson or two?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 60 - Words: 239,525 - Reviews: 10021 - Favs: 7,432 - Follows: 6,124 - Updated: 4/19/2010 - Published: 3/28/2008
Only Human by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Complete. A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward. This story is baby-free.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 60,635 - Reviews: 5914 - Favs: 9,687 - Follows: 2,496 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Lifetime by ShadowPalace reviews
Proposing is never easy, especially when you're Percy Jackson. This is the story of when Percy Jackson proposed to Annabeth Chase/The story of Percy and Annabeth's wedding/Other memorable moments! The story of a lifetime of moments the couple has shared.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,225 - Reviews: 420 - Favs: 257 - Follows: 195 - Updated: 3/29/2010 - Published: 5/18/2009 - Percy J., Annabeth C.
My Brother's Best Friend by jennlynnfs reviews
AU/AH: Seven years have passed since Edward and Bella last saw each other. Now, with Edward's return to Seattle, Bella wonders what drove away her brother's best friend all those years ago. *More detailed summary included with chapter 1.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 254,658 - Reviews: 6008 - Favs: 8,851 - Follows: 5,229 - Updated: 2/28/2010 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Daughter of the Ocean by Jasper winked reviews
What was I, Bella Swan, powerful daughter of the almighty Poseidon, sister of Percy Jackson, doing in small town Forks, a place I obviously didn't want to be? Oh yeah, my mother. INDEFINITE HIATUS
Crossover - Twilight & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 27 - Words: 53,183 - Reviews: 1132 - Favs: 650 - Follows: 540 - Updated: 2/15/2010 - Published: 3/12/2009 - Bella
Playgirl Meets Womanizer by paranoia'SPLASH reviews
Calling all Playerwards. There's a new chick in town, and her name is Bella Swan. Word is she's a playgirl, and she's got the hots for our resident boy toy. Canon couples, AH.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 26,356 - Reviews: 317 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 154 - Updated: 2/15/2010 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Teachers' Notebook by alittleinsane963 reviews
Inside this story you will find the chronicles of the 7 years of torture the staff of Hogwarts had to endure, from their point of view, due to 4 boys. That's right. None other than James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 107 - Words: 130,006 - Reviews: 2714 - Favs: 691 - Follows: 279 - Updated: 2/14/2010 - Published: 4/19/2008 - Minerva M., Remus L. - Complete
Another Chance by Twilightx28 reviews
Bella had been ignored by her mother since her sister had been born, While Charlie made it his job to never let her feel left out; until one day it was enough. A move to New York changes their lives after a quick divorce. Here is the story of change. Just add in some crazy friends and a whirlwind romance and we have Another Chance.BxE, Canon.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 60 - Words: 185,295 - Reviews: 1932 - Favs: 1,045 - Follows: 467 - Updated: 2/11/2010 - Published: 3/5/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Runaway by I'm A Bitch You've Been Warned reviews
Bella has always been a runaway orphan then one day in forks she meets two people that can help her quit running those two people happen to be Edward the love of her life and Hannah Edward's sister. Occ T normal pairings a new one HXRy really good...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,301 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 1/22/2010 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Bella
My Heart Holds Me Back by Princess Candy-Lollypop-Star reviews
Bella was born in 1901 changed in 1918 by James and has joined his coven;B.c of her past, Bella no longer trusts her heart or love. But maybe Edward can change that.But when a jealous James feeds Bella lies her trust for Edward is put to the ultimate test
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 30,226 - Reviews: 236 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 1/7/2010 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Bella, Edward
Flying Forever Free by Vicky May reviews
Complete. Set before Twilight. A hybrid from the School enters the Cullens lives, and they decide to keep her. Little do they know, it will change their lives and her's forever.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 31 - Words: 53,276 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 12/18/2009 - Published: 10/9/2008
Electronegativity by BritCat - Twilight Lover reviews
Edward attacks Bella when he first sees her. Thankfully, she was late for school, so no one was around at the time. Good news for Edward, not so much for Bella. Normal pairings. All vampires. Rating subject to change.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 22 - Words: 45,382 - Reviews: 801 - Favs: 714 - Follows: 427 - Updated: 12/14/2009 - Published: 1/30/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Hushed Whispers by Mel Rita reviews
Years after TLO. The gods are starting to break their oaths. Demigods are not being claimed. Sara, daughter of Demeter,must make a choice. Is she one of the seven?She must venture into an unknown world and leave Camp, to save her friend Whisper.RR
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Tragedy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,945 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/29/2009 - Published: 8/29/2009
Up to Speed by ericastwilight reviews
Race car driver Edward Cullen has wrecked his car again. In desperate need of sponsors his team take on a brilliant engineer, Bella Swan. Besides trying to win the Sprint Cup, Edward finds himself racing for Bella's heart. Editing in process.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 39 - Words: 145,663 - Reviews: 3284 - Favs: 3,571 - Follows: 1,952 - Updated: 11/18/2009 - Published: 8/20/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Isabella Bielifed by MelissaRM reviews
Born in 1653, loving her parents and brother, Carlisle, Isabella lived the first 18 years of her life. Bella is changed the same day as her brother and they meet up years later in Forks, WA. Bella has her own coven... full sumery inside, i own nothing!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Family - Chapters: 42 - Words: 19,193 - Reviews: 683 - Favs: 457 - Follows: 304 - Updated: 9/28/2009 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Bella, Carlisle - Complete
You Don't Know The Half Of It by NotYourBestFriend reviews
Edward Cullen had it all. Fame, money, good looks. Until one day, a little girl shows up on his door step, claiming he's her father. ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 45,192 - Reviews: 732 - Favs: 368 - Follows: 347 - Updated: 9/24/2009 - Published: 7/10/2009 - Edward, Bella
Cover Your Flaws by Twilight.Eclipse101 reviews
Bella recently moved to attend Stephenie Meyer University, Edward is a major player. Can she influence him or is it him who influences her? Discover love, friendship and life. ExB. All Human. I know cliche but please give it a go.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 68,256 - Reviews: 568 - Favs: 263 - Follows: 336 - Updated: 9/10/2009 - Published: 8/29/2008 - Bella, Edward
Like Father, Like Daughter by edwardcdazzlesme reviews
Bella is half human, half vampire. After 200 years not knowing who her father is, she then finally discovers that a man named Carlisle Cullen is her father. She moves in with him and his coven. AU and OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 72,236 - Reviews: 546 - Favs: 631 - Follows: 323 - Updated: 9/8/2009 - Published: 1/20/2009 - Bella - Complete
The Ultimate Sacrifices Hurts the Most by The Yellow Rubber Ducky reviews
Percy is desperately trying everything he can to save the world. Follow Percy and his friends as they make their way through pain, love, battles, and deaths! *COMPLETE* Sequel not posted. Index at the back if you don't want to read the whole thing.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Adventure - Chapters: 34 - Words: 52,116 - Reviews: 176 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 8/29/2009 - Published: 5/7/2009 - Percy J., Annabeth C. - Complete
Heartbreak and Harvard by vampiregirl143 reviews
AH Edward and Bella have been best friends since birth, but Edward broke her heart on her 13th birthday. 5 years later with both of them attending Harvard in the fall will Bella find it in her heart to forgive him, or will it be heartbreak all over again?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 56 - Words: 122,032 - Reviews: 2021 - Favs: 1,337 - Follows: 693 - Updated: 8/2/2009 - Published: 1/11/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Music of the Night by random scribbler reviews
Paris, 1870. Bella is an undiscovered soprano at the Opera Populaire, Jacob is the new patron of the opera house, and most people call Edward the Phantom of the Opera. Let the music begin. ExB, AU but not AH.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 23 - Words: 99,151 - Reviews: 224 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 8/1/2009 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Bella, Edward
Written In The Stars by EclipseoftheTwilightMoon reviews
Bella tells best friend, Edward, she loves him & he wants to stay friends. Bella moves on to another guy, but she comes back into Edward's life & he realizes he loves her too. He has to fight to win her back before she marries someone else. All human, OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 44 - Words: 248,129 - Reviews: 4711 - Favs: 3,927 - Follows: 2,186 - Updated: 7/31/2009 - Published: 4/24/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Briarstone Academy by rob-on-a-stick reviews
When Bella gets sent to Briarstone Academy, she meets Alice and Rosalie, her roommates. Edward is also new to the school. He meets Emmet and Jasper, his new roommates. What will happen when everyone meets? Rated T just to be safe. AU-AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 19,449 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 7/30/2009 - Published: 3/16/2009
Getting Old by babysis reviews
Bella's been moved from foster home to foster home for seven years. She's counting the days until she turns 18 and can live on her own. But when a new "parent", Edward Cullen, takes her in, will she actually want to leave?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 18 - Words: 35,351 - Reviews: 1142 - Favs: 747 - Follows: 461 - Updated: 7/2/2009 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
One of the Cullens? by HopefulRomantic123 reviews
The Cullens take in a seven year old foster child named Bella. They have to give her up because it isn't safe for her. When they meet again, Bella is no longer human. Please R & R.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 14,545 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 194 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 6/19/2009 - Published: 2/5/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Wish Upon A Star by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
So I'm like a male Cinderella?" Edward asked sarcastically. The woman smiled wickedly. "Exactly. Only your wish doesn't end at midnight. It's permanent. So I suggest you think it through first." Edward didn't hesitate. "I want it." All Human E/B Hiatus.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 22,132 - Reviews: 786 - Favs: 397 - Follows: 543 - Updated: 6/14/2009 - Published: 1/16/2009 - Edward, Bella
Till Death Do Us Part by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
All human. Edward and Bella meet each other at a bar. They get drunk and hit it off. Edward admits that he won’t have sex till marriage. Bella, on a whim, asks Edward to marry her – he agrees. What a shame that Edward doesn't believe in divorce…
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 78,298 - Reviews: 8033 - Favs: 3,759 - Follows: 3,141 - Updated: 5/23/2009 - Published: 8/12/2008 - Bella, Edward
Making Love Out Of Nothing At All by ashel-13 reviews
Edward thought of Bella as just a friend, but Bella always felt more.That was 3 years ago and now she's ready to make Edward Cullen fall in love with her and make this the best summer of her life. All Human OOC Lemons Gall-lore! WARNING: NC-17
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 77 - Words: 291,632 - Reviews: 11626 - Favs: 8,548 - Follows: 2,578 - Updated: 5/22/2009 - Published: 2/8/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Hero by Caramel Kryptonite reviews
Meet Hero Alecto Laurence, your typical half blood... not. She's a daughter of Nike, goddess of victory. She can help her side win. But her side isn't with the gods, oh no. It's with Kronos, but will an annoying son of Hades be able to change that?
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,688 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 5/22/2009 - Published: 2/16/2009 - Nico A.
Once a Month by SilverWolf7007 reviews
James knew why Remus went home once a month. Of course he knew. How could he not? They shared the same dorm room, after all, and James was apparently far more observant than Sirius or Peter.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,103 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 315 - Follows: 39 - Published: 5/16/2009 - James P., Remus L. - Complete
Looking into the Past by minze103 reviews
Bella has been a vampire long before Edward. When Edward is gone for a long period of time after he is changed Bella thinks she is in love with another man until Edward comes back. yeah my summary sucks but please R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Fantasy - Chapters: 26 - Words: 27,858 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 5/15/2009 - Published: 3/22/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Wrapped Around Her Little Finger by Grace Cullen reviews
Edward finds 4 year old Bella lost in the forest, and he becomes her best friend but when she moves and comes back 13 years later she meets Tanya who has set her eye on Edward and will eliminate anyone who ruins her chances with him, which means Bella.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 34,485 - Reviews: 926 - Favs: 579 - Follows: 304 - Updated: 5/9/2009 - Published: 10/10/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Maria by ahemyywe150 reviews
All human! Bella is aspiring towards her dream job but when a family crisis hits her, she has to adapt. This means getting a job as a babysitter for a cute little kid. Except there's one little snag: the kid's brother, Edward Cullen. BxE R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 100,004 - Reviews: 3018 - Favs: 2,592 - Follows: 1,364 - Updated: 5/2/2009 - Published: 6/22/2008 - Complete
I'm not okay by Antlers reviews
Bella and Edward grew up in an orphanage together, and when Edward gets adopted by Dr. Cullen and his wife, it tears them up inside. Edward promised her they would see each other again, but Bella is doubtful. After all, it's not such a small world.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 24,387 - Reviews: 410 - Favs: 185 - Follows: 133 - Updated: 4/23/2009 - Published: 3/1/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
BEEP by vampirechick123 reviews
Bella punishes Edward with no kisses for a day. Edward tries really hard to get her to kiss him. Now put Alice into the equation and you have brilliance ...just fluffy fluff R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 39,749 - Reviews: 1988 - Favs: 937 - Follows: 575 - Updated: 4/23/2009 - Published: 2/19/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Two New Cullens by JForbes reviews
Rosalie and Emmett come across a gruesome scene while hunting and suddenly introduced to a three year old Bella and her twin brother Joshua. AU of course. Please Review.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 24 - Words: 32,501 - Reviews: 381 - Favs: 218 - Follows: 230 - Updated: 4/20/2009 - Published: 1/28/2009
Come Back to Me by TwilightBEL reviews
He sacrificed life in the present... to find love in the past. Edward becomes entranced by the smile of a young woman he sees in a photo taken over 70 yrs ago. Full/Extended Version of my one-shot Somewhere In Time. ExB AU/AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 18 - Words: 28,942 - Reviews: 210 - Favs: 208 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 3/30/2009 - Published: 2/13/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Dying for Love by alpacacat0401 reviews
Bella has 6 months to live. She decides to break out of her shell and meets Edward, someone who lives for eternity. When he tries to discover her secret, he falls in love during the process. Why won't she become a vampire for him? ExB vampires included!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 58 - Words: 109,296 - Reviews: 1856 - Favs: 899 - Follows: 500 - Updated: 3/8/2009 - Published: 11/21/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Realize by Goo82 reviews
Edward is a hot up and coming actor and Bella is his ever faithful best friend and personal assistant. Bella's feeling for Edward have changed, but he is oblivious to her feelings. With the help of her friends, will she get the courage to tell him...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 21 - Words: 101,506 - Reviews: 5468 - Favs: 7,926 - Follows: 2,194 - Updated: 2/19/2009 - Published: 7/5/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Imagination Land by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Complete with epilogue. Bella is an author that just happens to be in a coma. But instead of being completely brain dead she's living in a part of her brain where all the fictional characters she’s created are alive. BXE Edward is a vampire!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 16 - Words: 47,017 - Reviews: 2008 - Favs: 1,184 - Follows: 517 - Updated: 2/14/2009 - Published: 7/25/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Daddy's Little Girl by Maximumbella reviews
Edward Cullen is THE player at Forks High. Bella Swan is known for one thing; she's Edward's best friend. but do either of them know one has feelings for the other? and when the Cullen's returne from a vecation, who is the school's new queen bee?All Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,099 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 77 - Updated: 2/3/2009 - Published: 2/2/2009 - Bella, Edward
Paired Up by BritCat - Twilight Lover reviews
Edward, Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett and Rose are one happy family. Esme, Alice and the poor human Bella, are another. What happens when the two covens meet? Canon Pairings. Don't own any songs. Originally PAIRED OFF
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 62,763 - Reviews: 351 - Favs: 413 - Follows: 156 - Updated: 2/1/2009 - Published: 11/19/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
A miracle and a blessing by JForbes reviews
Esme and Carlisle have received a remarkable gift, a baby boy. When he starts to exhibit his powers as a human they are forced to make a very difficult decision. AU. Read and Review please. Final chapter up.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 45 - Words: 52,918 - Reviews: 192 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 1/26/2009 - Published: 12/4/2008 - Esme, Carlisle - Complete
A Child of the Night by l'heure bleue reviews
"I'm like a Vampire," she murmured. "Because, in mere seconds, the sun could kill me." - Bella Swan is a girl living her life in fear of the light. Edward Cullen is simply a normal boy. They're worlds apart, but... "You're my sun, Edward." – ExB ALL HUMAN
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 57 - Words: 194,119 - Reviews: 9652 - Favs: 2,315 - Follows: 949 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 7/19/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
22 Weeks Later by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
Sequel to "Little Pink Envelope" Everything is going perfect for Edward, Bella and Lexie, and with a new baby on the way, family and friends reunited, nothing could possibly go wrong. Right...? All human, canon pairings. T for safety.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 15 - Words: 35,055 - Reviews: 1943 - Favs: 1,536 - Follows: 683 - Updated: 12/12/2008 - Published: 9/6/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Trip to Denali by kaykayx17 reviews
Edwards gone to do research on the volturi, and hasn't been back in 3 months. Bellas upset, so she goes on a trip with some friends only to find Edward with another woman..? E/B paring. Rated M for lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 25,458 - Reviews: 233 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 11/22/2008 - Published: 7/23/2008 - Bella, Edward
Love Is A Devil by ashel-13 reviews
Bella is a human who has never met the Cullens...yet. While in Italy she is found by Aro who is going to change her and treat her as his daughter. Lemons later. A BxE love story. Do monsters deserve love too? ON HIATUS!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 59,138 - Reviews: 1880 - Favs: 1,324 - Follows: 1,400 - Updated: 11/14/2008 - Published: 2/27/2008
All The Pretty Corpses by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
COMPLETE Bella Swan is a siren to the vampires. They come far and wide to hear her beautiful voice. NOT a song fic. BXE Darker side of Stephenie's vampires.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 12 - Words: 26,132 - Reviews: 773 - Favs: 485 - Follows: 207 - Updated: 11/2/2008 - Published: 5/22/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Hogwarts Blog by TwiLyght Sans Sparkles reviews
Dumbledore has started a blog. Read thoughts from Dumbledore, Harry, Ron, Snape and even Voldemort! Moderately AU. Coauthored with a friend of mine. Rated T to be safe. COMPLETE!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 169 - Words: 119,319 - Reviews: 3765 - Favs: 880 - Follows: 320 - Updated: 8/18/2008 - Published: 11/10/2007 - Complete
When We Were Young by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
Edward and Bella have been friends since they were toddlers. When they grow older, will their friendship become something more? Stories from when they were little, through teen and adult years. Modern day. T for later chapters.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 46 - Words: 132,723 - Reviews: 5716 - Favs: 2,998 - Follows: 924 - Updated: 8/11/2008 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
This is Me by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
Edward and Bella are dating. Edward is an aspiring actor. What happens when Edward lands the lead role in the next biggest hit, with beautiful costars and long hours? Will their love survive? Or will fame tear them apart? All human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 32,732 - Reviews: 624 - Favs: 561 - Follows: 201 - Updated: 8/9/2008 - Published: 7/15/2008 - Complete
A Life Stolen by newfoundlove reviews
Sequel to A Heart's Savior. Bella and Edward are happily married, starting on this new chapter of their life together - a baby. Is the tragedy that falls upon them survivable? All Human/AU, Rated M for sexual content and adult themes.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 54,633 - Reviews: 1309 - Favs: 1,849 - Follows: 677 - Updated: 7/28/2008 - Published: 5/11/2008 - Complete
My Twisted Romance by Gray-Eyed Charlatan reviews
OK, I stink at summaries but here goes... It takes place a few years after Percy and Annabeth defeated Kronos, and they have an extremely weird thing that changes both of their lives that makes them live forever. They also have a daughter...
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 10,331 - Reviews: 209 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 7/25/2008 - Published: 6/11/2008 - Complete
When Life Gives You Lemons by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Emmett makes a bet with Bella. She has to teach Edward a new position every day until their wedding, which is in two weeks. BXE Every chapter has a lemon. COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 26,649 - Reviews: 1831 - Favs: 1,915 - Follows: 762 - Updated: 7/17/2008 - Published: 5/11/2008
Mommy's Letter by l'heure bleue reviews
It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did it. I moved on, Edward, just like you asked. ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,912 - Reviews: 610 - Favs: 603 - Follows: 92 - Published: 7/14/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Heart's Savior by newfoundlove reviews
AU/Human. A blustery night in Chicago, Bella was saved from an attack by a handsome stranger, a stranger with his own issues, a broken heart. Can Bella take down the walls he so expertly crafted? BxE, RxE, JxA. Rated M for sexual themes and strong lang.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 62,446 - Reviews: 1394 - Favs: 3,916 - Follows: 867 - Updated: 7/11/2008 - Published: 2/27/2008 - Complete
Phoenix by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
Bella is forced to leave behind Forks and Jacob when Renee needs her. But she finds herself neighbors with the Cullen's and the Hale's. What happens when Bella finds the only person she can open up to in her beautiful neighbor? All human. T just in case.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 38,309 - Reviews: 535 - Favs: 541 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 6/22/2008 - Published: 6/8/2008 - Complete
The way back by caracol reviews
Sequel to "A rite of passage". All human. Very OOC. A story about becoming adult, dealing with your past and your future.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 77,798 - Reviews: 2052 - Favs: 2,176 - Follows: 707 - Updated: 5/10/2008 - Published: 3/13/2008 - Complete
Under Arrest by vjgm reviews
Add on to Family Therapy. Want to see what the Cullen kids did to get arrested and make Carlisle's Book of Shame? Read on! If you have not read family Therapy Cullen Style, this will not make sense.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,083 - Reviews: 698 - Favs: 1,071 - Follows: 294 - Published: 1/5/2008 - Complete
Harry And Ginny at the Dursely's! by Says The Schizophrenic reviews
Ginny wants to meat the Dursly's. James is almost Two and Ginny is pregnant with Albus. Harry is grumpy all the way!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,221 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 27 - Published: 8/26/2007 - Ginny W., Harry P. - Complete
Reclaim by Batsutousai reviews
Sequel to Abandon! In love with the man he's expected to kill and member of the esteemed Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter must fight in a war in which he is divided. Can he lead his world to peace? –Tom/Harry, AU, OOC, SLASH, HET, FEMSLASH, noHBP–
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 100,676 - Reviews: 1595 - Favs: 2,007 - Follows: 515 - Updated: 2/7/2006 - Published: 7/8/2005 - [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.] Hermione G., Ginny W. - Complete
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Summer My Life Was Guarded reviews
Bella is a lifeguard in Italy, Edward is seven and visiting there. What happens when he sees the smae pale face ten years later?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,548 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 9/12/2009 - Published: 7/31/2009 - Bella, Edward
SurFer bOi reviews
Bella is a 1/4 albino surfer from Hawaii. Edward is a skater in Forks. What happens when Bella is froced to go and live with the Cullens? And when somethin comes up, will she stay with her new bffs or will she go back home?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,246 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 9/12/2009 - Published: 7/31/2009 - Bella, Edward
Model Runner reviews
Bella is a model. Edward is a track star destined for the Olympics. What happens when they meet each other in an advertisement? Will sparks fly? Or will Bella's enemy steal Edward away.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,340 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 9/12/2009 - Published: 7/31/2009 - Bella, Edward
The 7 Half Bloods reviews
No summary. Read and enjoy.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 16 - Words: 15,456 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 5/21/2009 - Annabeth C., Percy J.
A Race of Myths reviews
Okay, this is really a crossover between Twilight, Artemis Fowl, Maximum Ride and Percy Jackson. You will also need to read my story, The 7 Hlaf-Bloods, to understad some of the charater pairings. Keep in mind this is something random I created.
Crossover - Artemis Fowl & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,932 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/11/2009 - Artemis F. - Complete
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