A.A. Pessimal
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Joined 04-09-09, id: 1895209, Profile Updated: 10-02-22
Author has written 102 stories for Discworld, Good Omens, Biggles series, Dennis the Menace, Father Ted, Captain Scarlet, Misc. Comics, British Comedy, Lord of the Rings, Scandinavia and the World, Thunderbirds, Daria, Family Guy, Frasier, Big Bang Theory, Everybody Loves Raymond, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Bible, King of Queens, and Transformers.

Yet another revision. To bring everything up to date.

Male. Should be old enough to know better.


Educated (arguably) in a school that combines aspects of Terry Pratchett's Hugglestones Academy crossed with the Assassins' Guild school. Served, in a way that combined aspects of Lieutenant Blouse and Nobby Nobbs, in the British Army (dewch ymlaen, bechgyn...).

Further educated at UCW Wrecsam, aka Owain Glyndwr University, aka North-East Wales Institute of Arts and Technology. Then on to the University of the Esoteric Arcana, Norwich, England. a tribute to what an architect can do with seven million knock-off breezeblocks.

Currently resident in Stockport, a nondescript town overlapping the south of Manchester. Stockport has a twinning arrangement with a sunny hotspot in the South of France, so it's easy to see what our councillors get out of the deal viz-a-viz freebies and "fact-finding missions". It is less easy to see what Beziers gets out of being twinned with Stockport, which, if anything, should be excluded from any sort of twinning. However, when it comes to "twin towns", the town is more temperamentally suited to opening a joint suicide pact with somewhere in Sweden.

Currently employed to commiserate and alternately to creatively argue with customers of a major telecoms provider. Working life involves satisfying management dictates, seeking to meet the performance targets and stats which appear to have been dreamt up in the Dilbert universe by its pointy-headed boss, raising complaints to prove we're good at resolving them, getting told off for being too generous with refunds and credits, and occasionally providing customer service as an afterthought.

Used to be too intelligent by half, but by virtue of persistent and diligent alcohol ingestation, is now only too clever by about a quarter.

(sighs, heavily) Editing and updating again. Advice to new readers: start with the short ones and work your way up to the monsters. A sort of chronology to the Discworld Assassin tales is given below.

About the current avatar: some explanation. I created a character called Johanna Smith-Rhodes, an expansion of a one-line cameo in Pratchett's Discworld. A single reference to a Miss Smith-Rhodes who is a teacher at the Assassins' Guild School. That's all. But it kicked off a lot of fic. The "Southern African" associations of a name like that were blindingly obvious to anyone who knows a little bit about the legacy of British Imperialism in Africa, especially in the context of a country now known as Zimbabwe. And the country next door, with which it was linked like a particularly badly-brought up Siamese Twin. I mean. Imperial adventurer Sir Cecil Rhodes, who conquered a country, founded a colony, and had the superb modesty to name it after himself. Rhodesia. Scroll forward a century or so: its last white leader, a man who tried to hold back time and maintain white rule, was a Mr Smith. Smith-Rhodes. I suspected Terry Pratchett was making a point with this name and holding open a bookmark to do something with it - in a conservative place like the Assassins' Guild School there would always be a place for a "Southern African" adventuress who would presumably have old-time White South African opinions and outlooks. and indeed, that was Johanna when she first arrived. She has mellowed out a lot since.

After a while I discovered a picture of a red-haired and freckled young woman with an uncompromising look to her. And I thought. This is Johanna. Exactly as I see her. I put this picture on her Guild membership card: I use this as cover picture to a couple of Johanna tales. After a while a younger sister drifted into the tales. Mariella grew in the telling too. And guess what... a red-haired Brazilian model called Cinthia Dicker was discovered. Young, unscrubbed and un-made-up pictures of Cinthia were Mariella. Exactly Mariella. Perfectly Mariella. And now Johanna has a daughter. Well, three daughters. Bekki is a Witch who got a lot of Assassin training on the fly. Famke is her mother's daughter with occasional hints of her father. Ruth, in look, manner and inclinations, is definitely Daddy's little girl - the daughter of Ponder Stibbons. But as a school bully finds out - her mother is in there too.

current header photo: I came across this photo while noodling on the Net. I can't do anything much about the text that reads REDHEADS: EVERY MAN'S KRYPTONITE. But the girl has the right combination of youth, red hair, freckles and a look of vulnerable good-natured perplexity as if she's still diligently figuring everything out. She's Rebecka Smith-Rhodes-Stibbons. I had the same shock of recognition. I've met my Bekki. cute, isn't she? Say hello to her.

Also looking for useful header photos for my other tales. I'll add them as I find good ones. I did discover another model with red hair, a girl called Helen Heller, whose young-self shots aged around thirteen-fourteen have a sort of scowling "displease me and I shall thump you one" demeanour which can only be Famke.

Picked up a fantastic one, from a YouTube video showing Russian Cossack women dancing with swords, of a Cossack in full costume coming to rest after an energetic bout of sword-dancing. In look, attitude and demeanour - particularly facial expression - she is a commanding presence who would no doubt demand attention and respect. the only thing wrong about it is that her hair isn't the auburn-red my character has: but this is my airborne Witch Lady Olga Romanoff, possibly in her thirties and mother of two children. She is now Avatar to my Olga tale, "The Price of Flight". the same video also gives me her wing-mate Irena Politek, exactly as I see her: a version of this now heads my Irena-centred tale concerning the Rodinian Hogswatch.

His favourite authors:

Terry Pratchett (Discworld)

Ian Holt (various tales of the fantastically illogical)

George McDonald Frazer (Flashman and McAuslan)

Michael Moorcock (straight sci-fi and fantasy)

Harry Harrison (satirical sci-fi, sci-fi humour such as The Stainless Steel Rat)

Tom Sharpe (the Piemberg farces set in apartheid South Africa; the Wilt series, which are very English comedies and farces of manners)

Derek Robinson (black, very black, comedies of air combat in WW1 and WW2 - the anti-Biggles of Capt W.E. Johns)

Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea -the magnificent Illuminatus! series

Sven Hassell - pulp war fiction.

His favourite cartoons/comics:-

Classic British childrens' comics, ie Beano, Dandy, Sparky: Dennis the Menace and his chums, anything drawn by Leo Baxendale. VIZ, the filthy but funny anti-comic.

Judge Dredd, 2000AD, Slaine

Steve Bell's lunatic, left-wing and subversive If...

Berke Breathed's Bloom County, the other big newspaper cartoon strip starring a penguin;

David Reddick's magnificent fantasy-fiction parody Legend of Bill - Terry Pratchett would approve!

Alison Barrow's sweet PreTeena (hey, I've been a stepfather to teenage girls... I'm not saying it was an unalloyed delight, but it gave me a few privileged insights into the way their minds work. Alison Barrows recaptures it perfectly for me with the Keene family of New England)

And Jennifer M. Babcock's C'est La Vie - America, and especially L.A., seen through the eyes of an existentially minded Frenchwoman and a very louche toy rabbit, possibly played by Serge Gainsborough. Wickedly funny. Go forth. Read it.

These last few available, with the exception of "IF", on GoComics.

Humon's excellent Scandinavia and the World.

His favourite radio and TV:-

classical BBC radio comedy such as The Burkiss Way, H2G2, Son of Cliche

Lunatic TV humour like Python, Rutland Weekend TV, Sledge Hammer, Ripping Yarns, Father Ted; The Big Bang Theory; Everybody Loves Raymond (an exceedingly good dom-com) ; King of Queens (Not as stellar as parent show Raymond, but has superlative moments. Plus the always gorgeous Leah Remini.) (fics coming soon...)

That chronology of my Discworld Assassins Series...

This a beta-test 1.0 version trying to put the Assassin tales into consistent chronological order. Future revisions may be made. especially since one of my assassins, who was only originally intended to be a parody of old-time unreformed Southern African attitudes and a bit dim, took on a life of her own and has basically been standing behind me with a machete at my neck suggesting I allow her character to grow, develop and become more sympathetic. Some of the older stories therefore contain references to a Johanna Smith-Rhodes who her colleagues find hard work - elements of the original conception can still be seen even at stages in the chronology where she might have grown out of old attitudes. I notice in one tale Alice Band refers to her as a "prissy little madam", which is definitely not the Johanna who became. And Emmanuelle has a militant feminist inclination in the earliest tale - which is definitely not her. Some bits need rewriting for consistency.

And - that one-shot South African or Rimwards Howondalandian person grew in the telling. I really want, now the monster tale "Strandpiel Book One" is finished to go back and revise the details of those earliest stories, when my perception of South African people revolved around a scurrilous song called "I Never Met a Nice South African (and that's not bloody surprising, man!)" and my command of Afrikaans was next to nil - I was seriously winging it then with cod-Dutch mixed with German and thinking "close enough". which of course it wasn't. Besides, I've met real Saffies since - howzit, Seb, howzit, Luci? - and I do actually like the place and the people. And Katinka Ooisthuizen's youTube channel is quite deightful, too.

A lot of early tales demand revision. I want to do this but it will take time.

Chronology of Discworld fics….

Origin story:
A Ripping Yarn A tale of Imperial derring-do set perhaps 120 years before the present. Currently stalled. A glimpse into the lives of the original Smith-Rhodes family (one character here recurs in "Strandpiel" but this story portrays her while she was still alive. it makes sense in context). with ancestors of the main cast involved. desperately needs revision and a bit of a recon.

The Assassins:

The Graduation Class (complete)
Two interlocking stories set about seven years apart. The first half introduces the four principal Lady Assassins, the circumstances in which the Guild recruited them, and their stories.
Spin-Offs; White Rabbit; The Only One

Second-Best Thrill (abandoned)
Ditched because I discovered I cannot do slashfic and write sex without bursting out laughing at the absurdity and cliché-ridden nature of it. I've let it stand as Early Instalment Weirdness. This may show in the off-note characterisation of several OC's who later became different in outlook and purpose.

The Lancre Caper (complete)
Alice Band as a teacher, and revisiting an earlier event in her life in which she fails to perpetrate archaeology in Lancre.

Murder Most 'Orrible (complete)
A murder mystery, somebody who knows the language of flowers, and a new recruit to the Guild of Assassins. Veteran classroom monster and late-entry Assassin Joan Sanderson-Reeves leads the (wo)manhunt.

But Not Forgotten (complete)
In which a brilliant Research Assassin finds a new route to an end product, a weapon not unlike a gonne.

Nature Studies (complete)
Meanwhile, Dibbler's latest inspiration, for a Safari Park, goes horribly wrong. Vetinari calls in the professionals to sort it out. A little more Howondaland comes to Ankh-Morpork and the little bit of Howondaland who is already there (Johanna Smith-Rhodes) gets her Zoo by default.

There's Nothing Like A New Pair of Eyes (ongoing)
Revisiting a casualty of the Urban Safari and what happened to her next. A student called Catherine gets a whole new outlook on life in more ways than are initially expected. Spin-off: the one where Solveig and Natasha go vampire-hunting together. (A Shaggy Dog Story)

Il Se Passait Au Nuit De Pere Porcher (complete)
A Hogswatch tale with some romance between various pairings. Johanna and Ponder Stibbons consummate their romance. DEATH deals with unfinished business.

Hear Them Chatter On The Tide (complete)
A little problem involving aquatic bivalves, supernatural personifications, freedom of religion and Wow-Wow sauce. With a soundtrack.

Clowning Is Serious Business (ongoing)
Women arrive at the Fools' Guild… over, as it turns out, quite a few dead bodies.

Why and Were (complete)
Wereleopards in Ankh-Morpork.

The events of Slipping Between Worlds (ongoing) happen around here.

The Graduation Class (complete)
Two interlocking stories set about seven years apart. The second interlinked story involves the first student class supervised by the four first official Lady Assassins, seven or eight years on, as their first draft of eleven year old school pupils are now eighteen and about to do their Final Runs. Meanwhile the Lady Assassins get to invigilate the exams for the first time.

Career Guidance (complete)
In which new graduate Jocasta Wiggs considers her options.

The Black Sheep (complete)
Johanna Smith-Rhodes' family ties, and Emmanuelle les Deux-Epées on a contract in the Discworld Holland. Introduces other Smith-Rhodeses: the first appearance of Johanna's sister Mariella, age around ten-eleven.

The events of The Many Worlds Interpretation (ongoing) happen around here. In which Discworld meets Roundworld, two universities meet, and Magic discovers it has a lot in common with Science.

The Prospectus (would be compiled in around this time frame)
Various Assassins, including Mariella Smith-Rhodes in her first year, aged eleven-twelve.

Short stories in the Discworld Tarot: The Ace of Swords, The Two of Cups, The Three of Cups, The Four of Swords

No More Time for These Trousers (complete short)
Bomb disposal the Assassin way.

Bungle In The Jungle (complete)
Events in the Shires lead to a bush war in Howondaland. Ponder proposes to Johanna.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum (complete)
Marriage leads to the necessary next stage for the newlyweds. When Daddy is a Wizard and Mummy an Assassin, the child may be something special.

Short story in the Discworld Tarot: The King of Swords
Johanna explores her family history. Young Johanna, her niece, makes a debut, as does the unfortunately named Emma Roydes.

Gap Year Adventures: (complete)

in which an adult Mariella and her best friend go travelling during that tricky year between leaving school and What Comes Next. Howondaland (or Klatch) is explored with glimpses into the Assassins' Guild and the wider Smith-Rhodes family. Especially the devious Uncle Charles.

Strandpiel:- Book One now complete.

A new tale, plotted but subject to finding time to write it. In which the oldest daughter of Ponder Stibbons and Johanna Smith-Rhodes grows up with a foot in two continents and belongs to both. Glimpses of the later lives of Ponder, Johanna, and their talented daughters. Bekki is a Witch and Famke is an Assassin. Or learning to be Witch and Assassin. And they get a youngest sister, Ruth, who takes more after her father and whose life is poised to take a more creative direction. But mainly about Bekki with side-stories about her sisters. And wider family. And other Strandpiels, like the "Russian" ones living outside the Rodinia. Spin-off; The Price of Flight.

Strandpiel Book Two: ongoing. Bekki moves to Howondaland but as a Pegasus pilot, can commute back to Ankh-Morpork when she needs to. An older and married Aunt Mariella features.

already two sort of spin-offs: overlaps the time frame of The Price of Flight, and young Witch Lexi, a supporting chjracter here, gets a tale to herself in Alexandra: Making of an Air Witch.

Subject to fact-checking and possible future revision and addition but provides a beginning!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

On Letters by fiologica reviews
A study of handwriting in the Discworld.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,162 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/29/2019 - Vetinari, Sam Vimes, GrannyWeatherwax, Susan Sto Helit - Complete
Out of the Pit by Lizard Pie reviews
When Jocasta Wiggs doesn't return, Ms Alice Band has to head out to collect her student. Rewrite of Night Watch.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,392 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Published: 12/15/2017 - Complete
The Uninteresting Saga Of Not Very Much At All by writing-in-red reviews
This is not a tale of long forgotten kings, or princesses who accidently locked themselves in the tower, or even of heroes banding together and taking what they want from hard-working despots. No. This is, in fact, a story concerning the absence of the narrative...
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 8,973 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 9/20/2016 - Published: 2/25/2016 - Mustrum Ridcully, Rincewind, GrannyWeatherwax, Death
World of Weirdcraft by SpaceAnJL reviews
This is Sheldor the Conqueror – a cold, brutal warlord. He's quite a guy. This is Queen Penelope. She's a beautiful barbarian. She's one warrior-goddess who knows how to take care of herself. When they met, it was...Mordor...
Big Bang Theory - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 18,437 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 389 - Follows: 292 - Updated: 9/21/2015 - Published: 3/17/2010 - Sheldon C., Penny
The Complete Collection by Cold 105 reviews
The Librarian is looking for a special bookshelf in the depths of L-Space. A little tribute to my favourite author.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,160 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 15 - Published: 4/18/2015 - The Librarian - Complete
Stranger Days by anni port reviews
One of Ankh-Morpork's adopted sons returns to his pestilent home town. Just in time since the Guild Banquet is about to take place, the Assassin's Guild has some very undesirable competition and a long forgotten contract is dusting off its cobwebs (much to the spider's surprise).
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,784 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/11/2014 - Published: 5/4/2014 - Sally von H, Teppic, Angua
Policing Middle Earth by aotearoan reviews
Vimes is Ankh Morpork's Ambassador to Middle Earth. As might be expected from the man who hates kings and Destiny, Middle Earth makes Vimes angry. Will he punch Aragorn in the nose? Will he learn a few things? Tune in for the latest!
Crossover - Discworld & Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 14 - Words: 31,458 - Reviews: 318 - Favs: 356 - Follows: 398 - Updated: 4/19/2014 - Published: 9/7/2010 - Sam Vimes, Aragorn
Entry 23784327473467838 by eris86 reviews
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about fanfiction...oh dear God, it's back.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,036 - Reviews: 237 - Favs: 254 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 1/18/2013 - Published: 12/16/2005
Nil Mortifi Sine Lucre by AbigailTunbridge reviews
As every Discworld fan knows, everything has to happen somewhere. In this case, Sam Vimes had a daughter. And what school do the sons and daughters of Ankh-Morpork aristocracy go to? Well, we know the answer to that, don't we, boys and girls…
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,492 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 1/7/2013 - Published: 1/2/2013
Bit Of A Cold Fish by Miss Yetigoosecreature reviews
I went out with Ronnie Rust once. Bit of a cold fish.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,778 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 22 - Published: 4/21/2012 - Sybil R., Ronald R. - Complete
A Valuable Employee by Quen Galad reviews
History needs butchers as well as shepherds, and she is one of the former. Lord Vetinari has given many criminals a chance to repay their debts to society, but how do they feel about that? Rated M for language and mature themes.
Discworld - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,278 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 4/3/2012 - Published: 4/2/2011 - Vetinari - Complete
The Ransom at the Redhorn by Thranduil Oropherion Redux reviews
Ever wonder what really happened to Celebrian in that den of orcs? Wonder no longer! With apologies to O. Henry. Rated M for content and naughty language.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,459 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 6 - Published: 5/19/2011 - Celebrian, Orc - Complete
Relative Vimes by Morwen Tindomerel reviews
Sam Vimes was not an only son.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 9 - Words: 20,644 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 1/23/2010 - Published: 11/6/2008
Twurp's Peerage: Vimes by Morwen Tindomerel reviews
The 181st edition of that distinguished work, copywrite 1988 U.C. Ankh-Morpork Publications, pp. 1059-1063, excluding engraved portraits.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,512 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/22/2008 - Complete
Ankh Morpork Malady: Or, Where Alchemists Go Wrong by Gogol reviews
Madam comes to Ankh-Morpork! Vimes' desk explodes! Angua blacks out! Sybil darns Vimes' socks! COULD THERE BE A CONNECTION? Venture on, dear reader, to find out. **COMPLETE!**
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 39,757 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 2/15/2008 - Published: 1/1/2008 - Complete
Sent Home Tied Up in a Sack by gythia reviews
What if Pippin had been sent home from Rivendell? A dark AU.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,299 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/7/2007 - Peregrin T., Aragorn - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Facebook Shorts written for the Times reviews
Collected short pieces originally written for a Facebook group ("The Ankh-Morpork Times - News of the Disc") To be added to as I retrieve them. A series (eventually) of very short chapters.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 43 - Words: 20,975 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 10/31/2023 - Published: 12/21/2016
Strandpiel, Book Two reviews
The continuation of the saga of interlocking families and friends, spread across at least two continents.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 39 - Words: 427,256 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 10/28/2023 - Published: 1/17/2021
The Price of Flight reviews
In which flight-minded Witch Olga Romanoff gets a very big challenge. Can she fly this? A spin-off from "Strandpiel"
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 41 - Words: 331,933 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 7/3/2023 - Published: 12/22/2018
In which Crowley retires from shaping pop and rock music
Good Omens - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 261 - Published: 12/13/2022 - A. Crowley
Alexandra: The Making of an Air Witch reviews
A spin-off from Strandpiel that grew longer than I anticipated. In which the only daughter of an Army family learns her destiny and an Illustrious, Radiant and Noble Personage takes an interest. how Schpaga became Schpaga. Cover image: teenage Russian girl with sword from a YT vid on Russian sworddancing.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 47,965 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/24/2022 - Published: 8/17/2022 - Complete
Relocating, for business reasons reviews
In which a business professional realises that, after a certain political rearrangement, that he should move his centre of operations out of London and into another EU capital city
Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 937 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/10/2022 - A. Crowley - Complete
The works night out reviews
In which a group of people working for the same Employer decide on where to eat on a Friday nighr.
Bible - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 597 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/17/2022 - Jesus
Bertrand's Teapot reviews
In which Ford Prefect meddles with an eminent philosopher's thought-experiment
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Rated: K - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 354 - Reviews: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/12/2022 - Arthur D., Ford P.
Negligient Discharge reviews
In which Hogswatch comes twice and an Anthropomorphic Personality discovers a complication of the modern age. Irena Politek gets a happy Hogswatch.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 18,644 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/18/2021 - Published: 12/14/2021 - Nobby N., Vetinari, Sam Vimes - Complete
The Red and the White reviews
born out of a one-paragraph short which had potential. Set in Lancre, a long time before the present, with three suspiciously familiar Witches who may be Ancestors. Lancre has a Castle. But how did it come to be? In our age, Alice Band speculates. As she knows well, Folklore and History have the answers. birdwhistle's "Antiquities Of Ye Kingdomme of Lancre" is consulted...
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 24,387 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 5/13/2021 - Published: 9/4/2019 - Magrat, Nanny Ogg, GrannyWeatherwax
Zoo Tales reviews
Posibly the beginning of a new cycle set in the City Zoo. No sex except for the animals and not much swearing. Though watch where you stand... new cover image goes with Chapter 7; Russian sword-dancer who in look and attitude is my character Irena P. (might change it back to winged elephant later)
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 8 - Words: 36,055 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 1/23/2021 - Published: 10/22/2011
A Pune, or play on words reviews
In which two young Assassins find they can work together. the shaggy dog story setting up the pune or play on words is mine; the pune itself isn't. A sort of add-on spin-off from "Fresh Pair of Eyes" revisiting two characters a year or two later on.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 719 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/23/2020 - Complete
Clowning is a Serious Business reviews
The Guild of Fools, Joculators and Minstrels is a forbidding place and a closed world where everyone hears rumors but nobody, other than Fools, sees the reality. Until now. A sort of sequel to "Nature Studies".
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 33 - Words: 170,562 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 7/10/2019 - Published: 6/28/2010 - Vetinari, Lord Downey, Lady Meserole, Dr. Whiteface
Strandpiel reviews
A girl with a foot in two continents and how she responds to dual nationality. Glimpses into the later life of Bekki Smith-Rhodes-Stibbons and her wider family.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 59 - Words: 389,735 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 12/19/2018 - Published: 9/12/2017 - Complete
The Many Worlds Interpretation reviews
The wizards of Unseen University created a pocket universe. They learnt how to interact with it and to visit one particular planet. Where there is the USA. California. Pasadena. Caltech. Where other academically and scientifically minded people - with personalities as quirky as those of UU's wizards - strive to solve the mystery of the Big Bang. And then they met.
Crossover - Discworld & Big Bang Theory - Rated: T - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 42 - Words: 255,300 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 89 - Updated: 8/12/2018 - Published: 11/1/2013 - Hex, Ponder Stibbons, Leonard H., Sheldon C.
The Discworld Tarot reviews
NC "DEATH" AT chap. 15! The Tarot Pack is either a neat psychological tool, or it offers genuine portals to the world of The Other, or it's a good way for plausible bluffers like me to earn 20 quid a reading. Or it could be about Discworld characters...NOW WITH MINOR ARCANA! (building slowly but surely.)
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 40 - Words: 105,029 - Reviews: 134 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 4/29/2018 - Published: 1/29/2011
Puns, Mordor's gift to humour reviews
Came out of a challenge on an FB page... ultra-short shorts
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 262 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/28/2018 - Complete
The Music Meme Game reviews
My take on Miss Yetigoosecreature's challenge. This is Side One: chosen pieces of music which have inspired Discworld shorts, plus one crossover.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,020 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/26/2017 - Published: 3/12/2011
Gap Year Adventures reviews
Going with the muse. Two recently graduated Assassins decide to take a Gap Year and tour the Klatchian/Howondalandian continent. Letters are sent back to Ankh-Morpork recording their progress. We begin in a place on the Circle Sea that may be suspiciously reminiscent of a certain Earth nation. But taken Up To Eleven. To be continued as two friends leave memories. And mayhem.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 42 - Words: 235,641 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 4/18/2017 - Published: 1/13/2017 - Complete
There's nothing like a fresh pair of eyes, is there? reviews
I heard an old fondly remembered song from teenage years, and it gave me EXACTLY the right sort of inspiration to tie up a loose end dangling from "Nature Studies." A young student Assassin, blinded, receives new eyes. But at what cost? Pioneering Igor(ina) surgery combined with a music meme. Or two.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 93,861 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 12/30/2016 - Published: 12/7/2012
Mythic Smeg Opens The Door To The Arcane reviews
About the daily horoscope pages of the Ankh-Morpork Times. How does it work on the Disc? Building on the notes in canon, from the Celebrated Discworld Almanac, as retrieved from a privy somewhere in the city. It even has the string threaded through the hole in the corner. birthcharts of the celebrated and famous, with analysis. And comments by William de Worde and others.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,534 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/9/2016
An Obituary reviews
Unusually for me, it's short. I already posted it on Facebook and the general opinion was that it doesn't need to be longer. Noting the passing of Leonard Cohen, a singer universally acclaimed and suspected to have provided the sort of song DEATH would be happy, or at least satisfied, to hum while he works. Deceased Fri 11th Nov, 2016.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 192 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 11/11/2016
Hyperemesis gravidarum reviews
Taking the ongoing story a logical step further. In which three of my Assassins realise they're all part of a select little club. Assassins have family too...
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 144,617 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 3/2/2016 - Published: 10/1/2015 - Complete
I shall endure to the end! reviews
In which Aziraphale takes great pleasure in alerting Crowley to the youth at the epicentre of a psychic disturbance in the West Midlands. Victorian England is about to be shocked by the antics of a Great Beast... much to Crowley's embarrassment.
Good Omens - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 11 - Words: 53,352 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 2/4/2016 - Published: 8/15/2009 - Aziraphale, A. Crowley
Goodness gracious me, that was a most Big Bang reviews
British-Indian sketch show "Goodness Gracious Me" depended a lot on inverting well-known situations to raise a laugh and point out something about the experience of being Asian in the West. "The Big Bang Theory" has four central characters, three white North American and one an Indian immigrant trying to find his feet in the USA. How might GGM run with this idea... yes indeed.
Crossover - British Comedy & Big Bang Theory - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,929 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/2/2015
Let's bungle in the jungle reviews
formerly known as "Openings of Discworld novels as yet unwritten…". This became not just an opening but a fully realised tale in its own right. In the aftermath of "Snuff", there is darkness in the heart of Howondaland. Ankh-Morpork sends in an expeditionary force to tie up loose ends. witness flying elephants, machete mayhem and even a romance or two!
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 83,851 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 3/26/2015 - Published: 7/1/2011 - Ponder Stibbons, Wee Mad Arthur, Buggy S., Vetinari - Complete
A Witch Abroad (part two) reviews
Very definitely a stranded opening with no apparent continuation. Re-listed to a different and more appropriate place, as a story opening coming up behind it ballooned into a full-blown tale. In which Tiffany Aching gets a mission to Genua. As before: if anyone wants this, it's theirs to continue.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 977 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/25/2015
Contamination: Day of the triffic? reviews
Revising my hideously inaccurately titled "Opening Chapters". this is an orphaned drabble, a first chapter based in the aftermath of "The Last Hero" which is at present bereft of a continuation. moved as a subsequent "opening chapter" launched a fully-fledged story...
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,686 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/25/2015
johnny and the Cars reviews
Not sure where to put this. There isn't a separate category for "Johnny Maxwell" books. Going by author, I've bunged it in "Discworld", even though it doesn't quite fit here. But the idea came at me whilst reading about "driverless cars" being trialled on British streets. Where else but Blackbury, Lancashire...
Crossover - Discworld & Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,416 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/12/2015 - Bumblebee
A Bird's Eye View reviews
What Gandalf should really have asked Radagast about the habits of Eagles. An alternative and rather premature ending to LOTR written in an, err, more Terry Pratchett style.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 708 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/10/2015
Love and the Widow (pair the spares) reviews
Lynbrook and Queens are neighbouring districts of New York City. People living there have got extended networks of friends. These networks overlapped in two hit TV comedy shows. What happened a few years after the cameras stopped rolling... bringing in hints from canon and inferences from events in-show. Ally Barone becomes our deadpan snarker narrator.
Crossover - Everybody Loves Raymond & King of Queens - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,486 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/26/2014 - Published: 11/25/2014
The Pinky-Swear reviews
Expanding on a Suspiciously Specific Denial made by Bernadette in-canon. Reflecting on current world affairs and wondering if Bernadette's famously relaxed attitude to lab discipline might have somehow contributed. And the need for a pinky-swear binding all parties, never to speak of this incident ever again, so long as we both shall live, amen.
Big Bang Theory - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 786 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/13/2014
The Prospectus reviews
how does the Assassins' Guild School sell itself to prospective parents? How does the place actually work, as a school? How many pupils? What REALLY happens to the ones who flunk out? how does it all fit on its one site? Read on. Thanks to TreacleMineRoad, who indirectly suggested it.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 21,741 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 8/13/2014 - Published: 5/27/2014 - Lord Downey
Slipping Between Worlds reviews
An experiment. Discworld will happen here, certainly, but there will also be aspects of Terry Pratchett's non-Discworld novels, the Johnny Maxwell trilogy. The author has written a younger version of himself in as a male "Mary Sue". forgive me...
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 52 - Words: 256,403 - Reviews: 260 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 83 - Updated: 4/2/2014 - Published: 7/20/2010 - Sam Vimes, Vetinari
Hear them chatter on the tide reviews
A new animal species is always of interest. But has the Ankh-Morpork City Zoo acquired more than it bargained for? Currently unable to put this in "Zoo Tales" as I can't access "Manage Stories". so it's a new tale, for now. Bonus points for anyone who realises the title is a song lyric ...
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 28,278 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 2/25/2014 - Published: 1/6/2014 - Ponder Stibbons, Verity P.
For want of a three-eighths Gripley reviews
SPOILER ALERT! My obsessive need to get in first with a fanfic linked to the new Discworld novel, "Raising Steam". In which the passing on of the torch from father Ned to son Dick is described in more detail. Pretty much a coda to "Reaper Man" and a bridge to events to be described in "Raising Steam" - one early event from the new book is spoiled here
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 636 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/10/2013 - Death, Tiffany A.
Stuck On you reviews
I couldn't resist this. Reg Shoe, Zombie policeman and political activist, falls in love. Inspired by an Alice Cooper song and throwaway references in the Canon. This is my sick and twisted mind again. I may continue this - warning, it could get sicker and more twisted.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,929 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 5/29/2013 - Published: 4/24/2013 - Reg S.
Dark Horse of the Moons reviews
Daphne Moon has a large extended family. She is said to have seven brothers, although only four are seen or referenced in the series. As her engagement to Donny approaches marriage, a fifth Moon brother comes to Seattle. like her, he is a family rebel trying to break free of conformity who has aroused the ire of his parents. But will he get on with the Cranes? And Roz? Read on...
Frasier - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,901 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 5/20/2013 - Published: 5/7/2013 - Daphne, Frasier, Martin, Roz
The Civilian Assistant reviews
Set just after "Thud!" with Vetinari torn between rewarding the Watch for averting war and punishing it for poaching A.E. Pessimal from his Palace staff. The Patrican, a man known for elegant economy, finds a way of doing both - simultaneously.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 15 - Words: 61,554 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 139 - Follows: 125 - Updated: 2/16/2013 - Published: 6/11/2009
A Shaggy Dog Story reviews
Brian Griffin is a dog with a mission. A sacred duty for the family dog is to obey his master's orders, however stupid. Some mild and bleeped swearing. Look, there's some freakin' swearing in this, right?
Family Guy - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 593 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/22/2013 - Peter G., Brian G. - Complete
Il se passait au nuit du Père Porcher reviews
Hogswatch is a time when people return from afar to the happy bosom of their loved ones. Failing this, they might make do with their spouses instead. The Assassins' Guild at Hogswatch, and glimpses of a wider Ankh-Morpork. IN ENGLISH!
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 49,308 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 12/23/2012 - Published: 12/21/2009
Camera Obscure reviews
In which the sick, sad, world heaps more casual indignities upon the head of Daria Morgendorffer, Princess of Snark. This time a digital camera is intimately involved.
Daria - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,448 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 12/17/2012 - Published: 12/3/2012 - Daria M., Charles R, III
A tale of three Germanys Or perhaps four reviews
European history with a SatW twist.
Scandinavia and the World - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,197 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/10/2012
Yes, M'Lady! reviews
Aloysius "Nosey" Parker is given an ultimatum by Lady Penelope. Doing to Thunderbirds what I did to "Captain Scarlet".
Thunderbirds - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 414 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/9/2012 - Penelope C., Parker
Insinuations reviews
Brother Sweden meets a new spirit (and Toto). They get on like a house on fire... a quick drabble while I'm in the mood.
Scandinavia and the World - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/9/2012 - Complete
Family's always embarrassing, isn't it? reviews
The Nordic boys are invited for a sedate afternoon tea with the Englands. Sweden is looking forward to cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off; Denmark not so happy about a beer-free afternoon. But England has several skeletons in the closet and they are about to emerge...
Scandinavia and the World - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,128 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 11/5/2012 - Published: 11/4/2012
One afternoon in Rivendell reviews
A short that came to me fully-formed after reading a debate about Celebrian in the nest of the Orcs and how far the fanfic writer could go in visualising her torments.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/1/2012 - Elrond, Celebrian
Exit Interview reviews
Mrs Whitlow is genuinely sorry to see an employee leave the University in search of a less demanding role elsewhere
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,802 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/17/2011 - Mrs. Whitlow, Ponder Stibbons - Complete
The Graduation Class reviews
NOW UNDER REWRITE! Introducing lady Assassins who so far only exist as names and footnotes in the canon, and telling their stories. The first class of girls is about to graduate from the Assassins' School. REVISED CHAPTER ADDED as Chapter 19. 07/11/11
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 85,838 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 8/24/2011 - Published: 5/11/2009 - Dr. Cruces, Lord Downey
The Only One? reviews
Embuggered by canonical reality - having to rewrite one of my characters so she fits the Word of God, ie, new canonical information about her. The early life of Emmanuelle les Deux-Epees, half Pratchett, half-Pessimal. Some sex, homo and het. French cuss
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,477 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/14/2011 - Lord Downey, Dr. Cruces - Complete
The Beginning reviews
It's fairly obvious the Patricians of the first few Discworld books, say as far as "Mort", were not Havelock Vetinari. But what if they were? How might this have come about? Read on...
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,285 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/8/2011 - Vetinari - Complete
A Ripping Yarn of the Howondalandian War of 1876 reviews
100 years before "now", the Ankh-Morporkian Empire is dwindling and dying. Like Leshp, a forgotten colony emerges, causing Diplomacy. Setting the scene for a longer tale to come, of heroism, choral singing.Based on obscure references in the Canon of TP.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 28,394 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 6/24/2011 - Published: 4/29/2009
Whistle and I'll come to thee, boy! reviews
A cautionary tale in four chapters from the younger days of Mustrum Ridcully and John Hicks. Warning:- Features scenes of sadism, brutality and PE teaching.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,751 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/7/2011 - Published: 6/2/2011 - Mustrum Ridcully
The wicker Ted? reviews
Another Lost Episode of Father Ted. It's a long time since I was last here! In which Ted and Dougal discover much stranger things than normal are going on. The children of the island are a wee bit weird. That's by Craggy Island standards...
Father Ted - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,449 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 4/20/2011 - Published: 4/3/2011
No More Time For These Trousers reviews
In "Going Postal", there is the incidental detail that Tolliver Groat's appalling trousers were so dangerous they had to be safely disposed of. But who provided the bomb disposal squad? Read on...
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,714 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/22/2011
The Black Sheep reviews
Howondalandian Assassin Johanna Smith-Rhodes is happy in her job, her profession and her life. What could possibly upset her day? But every family had its black sheep...
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 29,824 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 3/17/2011 - Published: 3/2/2011 - Complete
The Turtle Moves reviews
Stibbons is tasked with closing down old research projects at the University. What dark secret is covered by "Projecct Chelonian?" Why is the Master of the Music sensing he's dollars in? Read on...
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,858 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/3/2011 - Ponder Stibbons, Mustrum Ridcully - Complete
A Game Of One Half And Two Gods reviews
Pedestriana, Goddess of Football, has returned to the Disc. But every quality in the Discworld calls into existance its opposite. She discovers another, darker, Football-God has arisen too. Who will win?
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,275 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/26/2010 - Blind Io, Offler
Of the dreaded and feared Hashishim of Klatch reviews
Just running with another ball - Terry's throwaway gag about the Hashishim of Klatch - to see where it leads. A quick oneshot
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 640 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/4/2010 - Complete
Elasticated String Theory reviews
Expanding on details in "I Shall Wear Midnight" where Simon, last seen in "Equal Rites", is described as being very like a certain Roundworld theoretical scientist...
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,304 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/14/2010 - Eskarina Smith, Ponder Stibbons
Rag Week reviews
In British universities Rag Week is an excuse for the students to make nuisances of themselves importuning people for money and performing daft and dangerous stunts. This is the Unseen University version. Expanding on bare bones of story in the canon.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,972 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/17/2010 - The Librarian, The Bursar - Complete
Filking around reviews
A very short experiment wih the art and style of the Filk. If you son't know what a Filk is, go to content. Getting over writer's block in another tale by masking myself write and finish something!
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 969 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/13/2010 - Rincewind
Look upon my works and despair reviews
Tidying up the loose ends after "Pyramids". A short I've been aching to write for some time about a touchingly vulnerable small-part character. Not sure whether this is "complete" as it stands or is "in progress". You decide?
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,022 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/8/2010 - Vetinari
Brothers reviews
Doctor Whiteface contemplates the past. Even the stoniest Fool has a heart.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,555 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/1/2010 - Complete
Why and were reviews
Werewolves have had it their own way for too long. They have ceased, for instance, to be able to consider that where there's a will, there's a were-animal. Until the new diplomats arrive from Howondaland... new cover image!
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 65,782 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 5/25/2010 - Published: 5/7/2010 - Angua, Lord Downey - Complete
Small medium, large headache reviews
An idea that span out of "Rincewind and the Redskins". To a psychic medium, attracting a Red Indian spirit guide is like getting David Beckham to play for your pub team. But sage, wise and kindly? You can get the wrong sort of Indian... stars Mrs Cake.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,601 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 5/5/2010 - Published: 8/19/2009 - Complete
Murder Most 'Orrible reviews
Domestic Science at the Assassins' School, where whether you add almond essence is truly a life-or-death choice. Joan the teacher confiscates a copy of the "Tanty Bugle". And her past comes up to meet her... cover picture is the killer florist as I see her. To the life.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 21 - Words: 84,324 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 5/4/2010 - Published: 10/5/2009 - Complete
What we did in Operation Sealion reviews
March 1941, in a different universe. The German invasion of Britain has been defeated. Prisoners-of-war taken by the Germans during five months of fighting are being liberated and debriefed. Sergeant Wilson,A, tells the story to Army Intelligence...
British Comedy - Rated: K - English - Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,122 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 4/29/2010 - Published: 4/27/2010
Fingers reviews
A "Discworld Noir" set in the early days of Lance-Constables Colon and Vimes, S., of the City Watch. Like many old soldiers, Colon has flashbacks to old battlefields. He also has Quirke as Watch Sergeant and deals with a battered wife living on his beat.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,257 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/13/2010 - Fred C., Sam Vimes
Career Guidance reviews
You've graduated as an Assassin. You've assisted at an inhumation. You've left school. You can call your former teachers by their first names. But what happens next? Jocasta Wiggs suffers Angst in Ankh-Morpork and goes to a professional for advice.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,739 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 3/24/2010 - Published: 3/15/2010
I haven't seen you since Mafeking! reviews
A beseiged city is where War and Famine normally meet. Mafeking in 1901 was one such. But what if another beseiged city was simply so vast, and such a huge battle took place there, that they kept missing each other?
Good Omens - Rated: K - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,834 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/3/2010 - Famine, War - Complete
Discworld love ballads reviews
Following on from Lemon Bubble and others - playing with the idea of Discworld Musicals. Three to begin with:- Adora Belle and Moist, Renate Flitworth and Rufus, and Angua. I may return to this at intervals and add new songs.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 982 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/17/2010
This is where the narrativium went
Fulchester. A sleepy city in the North-East of England where nothing ever happens. But like Royston Vasey it sucks people in. And it's getting ready for the birth of VIZ Comic.
Misc. Comics - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,027 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/4/2010 - Complete
When the War is Over reviews
A not entirely serious and somewhat satirical look at the Captain Scarlet world just after the end of the Mysteron war. Owes something to the humour of Terry Pratchett and homages Douglas Adams but does not crossover. Loosely episodic.
Captain Scarlet - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,197 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/11/2009 - Complete
Rincewind among the Redskins reviews
Digging into the backstory of "Reaper Man". A magical accident flips Rincewind through time and space and into the middle of a war. Of course he's on the losing side. Can he escape the Ladies Sewing Circle or the Sun Dance Card?
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 12 - Words: 39,776 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 11/3/2009 - Published: 7/23/2009
So You Think You Had A Bad Hair Day? reviews
tidying, taking out typos, and adding bits in preparation for a Chapter Two which is gestating. Inspired by a piece of throwaway dialogue in "Unseen Academicals". A new constable joins the Watch from faraway Ephebe. Angua and Sally have particular reasons to take her for a drink in Biers. Yuri has an arresting glance, so to speak... cussing, Eng and Greek.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,947 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 11 - Published: 10/24/2009
Nature Studies reviews
The New Assassins' School teaches zoology and respect for the environment. No, it's not got all hippy and tree-huggy. It's not that sort of school and the Nature Trails devised by Miss Smith-Rhodes teach lessons. For the overconfident,Nature bites back.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 46,032 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 10/16/2009 - Published: 8/20/2009
Moving Pictures Part Two The Sequel reviews
They're back! And they're annoyed! One of my first attempts at Fanfic, republished from the L-Space Web
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 27,632 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 10/6/2009 - Published: 10/5/2009
The Military Tattoo reviews
A very quick ficlet. Just a passing idea I had about the modern military set-up in Ankh-Morpork.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 947 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/28/2009 - Complete
And now for something completely different reviews
Troll crime-lord Chrysophrase has a problem. He has inadvertently taken a heavy dose of Slab. His trip takes him to a crazy place where Ethel the Frog leaps and reports investigatively and other crazy things happen. Monty Python flies over the Discworld.
Crossover - Discworld & British Comedy - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,940 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/4/2009 - Complete
Clay of My Clay The Dorfl Truth reviews
This never happened. It depends on a differnt person being there at the end of "feet of Clay". But he wasn't. So it's a horrible little fantasy from my horrible little mind. It's about sex. Not just gender. A different sort of sex. Read on.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,296 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/28/2009 - Complete
Father Ted and the Army Chaplain reviews
Bishop Brennan has hatched another diabolical plot to make life difficult on Craggy Island. A fourth misfit priest is on his way to join the lads - and this one doesn't just believe in muscular Christianity. He wants it armed to the teeth. Many "feck"s.
Father Ted - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,566 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/15/2009 - Published: 7/7/2009
The Lancre Caper, or The Perils of OverConfidence reviews
In which Assassins' School teacher Alice Band talks to her class on the dangers to the Assassin of over-confidence. In her case, practicing archaeology in Lancre.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,296 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 7/3/2009 - Published: 4/20/2009 - Complete
White Rabbit reviews
A spin-off out of "Graduation Class". Inspired by TheLightsAreOnButNobody’sHome, who has done sterling work in matching song lyrics to Discworld characters. It’s inspired me. This is my take on it.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,719 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/26/2009 - Complete
Fishing in the Streams of Time reviews
A "missing chapter" from "Thief of Time". Slot it in where your temporal judgement considers it should go. Starring Newgate "Lobsang" Ludd and Marco Soto. One sexual reference.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,671 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Published: 6/26/2009
but not forgotten reviews
A spin-off from "Doppelgangers". Lord Downey has a problem with a technically-minded Assassin. Something thought dead is stirring again...
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,199 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/19/2009 - Complete
The importance of index cards reviews
Following a magical accident at the Library, Sergeant A.E. Pessimal of the Watch is sent to where nobody has ever returned alive. Can Pessimal become the first to return from the grip of a denizen of the Dungeon Dimensions? Apologies to H.P. Lovecraft...
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,035 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 9 - Published: 6/14/2009 - Complete
Conina's Barbarian Hairdressers reviews
In which Conina and Nijel, from Sourcery, have settled down to run a beauty salon for Ankh-Morpork’s working girls. I plan to use Conina’s as the starting-point for meetings and adventures. Prev. pub. @ livejournal.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,144 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 7 - Published: 6/1/2009
The SecondGreatest Thrill reviews
In which stealth archaeologist and ethical assassin Alice Band runs up against an occupational hazard - at least, for Alice - of being a teacher at the Assassins' Guild. A taster for what will be a longer Discworld love story.
Discworld - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 14,899 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 5/30/2009 - Published: 4/13/2009
Dennis, meet Dennis reviews
There is a whole world between Wichita, Kansas, and Dundee, Scotland. ONly in comics are the walls of reality so thin as to allow people to cross in either direction...
Dennis the Menace - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,012 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/20/2009 - Complete
Intimate observations on the sex life of trolls reviews
Advisory: 18 Possibly more suited for a slashfic site, an attempt to explain where pebbles come from. Depending on where my sleazy horrible little mind leads me, definite adults-only Discworld? There may be more extracts from de Meserole’s seminal work .
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,897 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/13/2009 - Complete
The Healing Arts reviews
On the Pellenor Fields, a vampire is near death. On the Discworld, a vampire deprived of her coffee fix is having "flashsides". the Last Detail's medic, Igorina, gets caught betwen two vampires. LOTR meets Pratchett's Discworld. Monstrouous Regiment
Crossover - Discworld & Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,545 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 8 - Published: 5/10/2009 - Aragorn - Complete
Doppelgangers reviews
The Roundworld project is glitching again. Rincewind is a happy man. Elsewhere in the Multiverse, a nuclear physicist and reactor troubleshooter is having bad dreams. What happens when the two of them meet - again? Crosses eventually with "Good Omens".
Crossover - Discworld & Good Omens - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 24,718 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 5/3/2009 - Published: 4/26/2009 - Complete
Choosing a school reviews
Previously published at livejournal. Sooner or later every parent has to do it. EVERY parent. Where will this unique Discworld family send their sons to be educated? These parents have no doubts about the regime at Hugglestones.
Discworld - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,675 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/30/2009 - Complete
Happy Birthday reviews
well, Terry Pratchett started it... when a character suspiciously like Gollum slithered into a cameo role in "Witches Abroad". And after meeting Discworld witches, probably wishes he hadn't. Gollum's further adventures on the Discworld.
Crossover - Discworld & Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 249 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 12 - Published: 4/30/2009 - Gollum
The Fog of Command reviews
A spin-off from a longer adventure, to be published. Discworld-satire, based in the days 100 or more years before the present, when Ankh-Morpork had an Army and an Empire. Featuring Sybil's illustrious ancestor.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 712 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/26/2009 - Complete
The New Guild reviews
Previously published at livejournal. In which Vetinari rules on an application to form a new Guild, strongly opposed by Rosie Palm.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,704 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 19 - Published: 4/24/2009 - Complete
A difference of philosophy reviews
Story based on the Biggles books of Captain W.E. Johns. Key book:- "Biggles:Pioneer Air Fighter". This is a crossover with Derek Robinson's acerbic and black comedies of WW1 air combat "Hornet's Sting" and "Goshawk Squadron". But no Robinson category?
Biggles series - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,883 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/22/2009
Amateur Night reviews
In which the girls of the Watch go out on the town with friends and a very special guest and make some noise. In the Blue Cat Club, someone long missed returns to Ankh-Morpork, helped by two disreputable Gods. An unforgettable girls' night out.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,853 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 5 - Published: 4/21/2009 - Complete
The Viennese Job reviews
It's the early twentieth century. Europe has had its longest sustained period of peace and prosperity and war is a thing of the past. In the summer of 1908, in the luxury of Imperial Austria, what stormclouds could possibly arise to blight Europe?
Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17,093 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 6 - Published: 4/15/2009 - A. Crowley, Aziraphale
If the Hat Fits reviews
Tying up almost all the loose threads left after "Sourcery". This isn't a cross-over as such, but it's certainly a homage, to Mary Gentle's novel of alternate pasts, "Ash".
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,023 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/11/2009 - Complete
How André Got His Badge Back reviews
Sybil and Sam are taking the long way home after the coronation of the Low King. Eschewing Escrow - too many vampires - they arrive in Lancre. Sybil turns detective - she caught it from Sam - and resolves the last puzzles of a Night at the Opera.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,756 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 5 - Published: 4/11/2009 - Complete