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Joined 04-13-09, id: 1900147, Profile Updated: 06-19-10

I'm Ayana and I love to read.

I would love to see Eclipse from Victoria's point of view and Jasper be more involved in the story.

I love funny movies/books and hate horror and movies that make me cry.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile.

I am a girl.
Harsh but vulnerable.
Sarcastic but silly.
Stupid but thoughtful.
Thorny but tender.
Funny but serious.
Loud but passive.
Dramatic but bland.
An open book.
Easy to love & easy to hate.
Clutzy but occasionally coordinated.
Independent, but dependent on friends.
An oxymoron
A muddling paradox
An unsolvable contradiction
And totally proud of it.

It is wise to walk a mile in a man's shoes before judging him... That way you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

"Never hire a colorblind electrician."

"If you are good you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good you will get out of it."

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."

"Sometimes you're the windshield, but sometimes you gotta be the bug."

"I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib."

"Always listen to experts- they'll tell you confidently what can't be done and why. Then go ahead and do it."

"After all is said and done a heck of a lot more is said than done."

"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."

"Happiness is your dentist telling you "it won't hurt a bit," and then he catches his hand in the drill."

"The good news is that you may have screwed up my past and created my present but you have no control over my future."

Let's play truth or dare! Or maybe just dare, because nobody seems to tell the truth anymore.

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo

Live dangerous...Run with scissors.

I'm so clever that sometimes, I don't even know what I'm saying

Love is like snot. You keep picking at it until you get to it, then you wonder what to do with it.

In order to get to heaven, you have to make a little hell.

If you try and don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You ask for advice? Yeah, not so good at that. May I offer you a sarcastic comment instead?

Don'y play games with someone who can play better.

Stand up for what you believe in, even is it means standing alone.

People will always talk about you. Might as well give them something to talk about.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

In a world of cheerios, be a Froot-Loop.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Want to know who your real friends are? Mess up and see who is still standing beside you.

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Remember, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, twenty-eight to smile, but it only takes four to reach out and to punch someone.

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:

Sign on motorway garage:

Seen during a conference:

Notice in a field:

Sign at Norfolk farm gate:

Sign on a famous beauty parlor window:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother.

Notice in the toilet
This urinal is out of order - Kindly use the floor below.

When you dial a Mental Hospital...


Welcome to the Psychiatric Ward.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear

Things You Don't Want To Hear During a Surgery

- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

- Hand me that... uh... whatever it's called !

- Oh no! I just lost my watch.

- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

- There go the lights again...

- Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.

- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

- What's this doing here?

- I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

- Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

-You sure it wasn't this leg?

- OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

- Are his relatives waiting outside?

- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

- Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

- What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!

- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

- This scissor looks rusted.

- Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

- Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?

- Now from where did this spider come in from.


Never trust a dog to watch your food.

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Stay away from prunes.

Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

Never try to baptize a cat.

Ways to annoy people:

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Ask people what gender they are.

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Speak only in a "robot" voice.

Blow your nose when some one is eating.

Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " !

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Name your dog "Dog."

Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Drum on every available surface.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Set alarms for random times.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.


only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Things you really shouldn't say:

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

That shirt makes you look fat.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Gosh, why don't you kill me already and put me out of my misery?

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

No, that does not look good on you.

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!


This is for the people who are homophobic. Get over it!!

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had.
I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones.
I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school.
It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.
The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMT s stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"

For me, crazy is a loose term.

Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser.

Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.

Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?"

Crazy is having a thumb war with yourself.

Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.

Crazy is when you scour the internet for something to put on your profile, just for something to do.

Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least).

Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it.

Crazy is when you act completely well crazy and make a total fool of yourself and not even care.

Crazy is when you talk about yourself in third-person POV and then insult yourself in third-person for talking in third-person POV.

Crazy is when you dedicate your entire being(every cell in your body) to Twilight, and fan fiction.

Crazy is when you go into build-a-bear workshop and walk up to little kids saying "That's my favorite bear" in a creepy voice and then run like heck when their soccer-moms glare at you.

Crazy is when you are trick-or-treating and someone gives you an orange so you throw it into the street and chase it until it stops rolling.

Crazy is when someone asks you why the chicken crossed the road, and you reply, "To stop World War III from starting."

Crazy is when you spend 10 minutes coming up with something you can try and spread across the internet.

Crazy is when you are showing something to someone, and you come up with a random name for it on the spot.

Crazy is when you get jacked up on sugar on your school field trip to bush gardens, laugh for two hours strait WHILE riding roller caosters, then still laugh after you get slapped by your Friends, and they pour a cold water on you, and you just stop suddenly, and when they asked why you laughed you say " I felt like it."

Crazy is when you hear the intercom in Walgreens and scream "No! The doctor said the voices would stop!"

Crazy is when you have videos on your digital camera of people posing for pictures.

Crazy is when you...were writing this sentence and literally forgot what you were going to say...

Crazy is when people ask you why you did something, and you laugh because they should know better than to think you have a reason.

Crazy is when you are thrilled that you only lost your tennis match by three points.

Crazy is when you write "CONTENT REMOVED, CONTAINS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION" on your bio to make people wonder what the hell you were talking about.

Crazy is telling everyone you know that you know the secret that Stephanie Meyer is putting in Midnight Sun, and then telling them that Mike Newton is really gay.

Crazy is when for some strange reason your wardrobe scares you so you have to army roll to your bed from your door.

Crazy is hopping to class, and when asked why, you blame it on the bunnies. Even if there were no bunnies.

Crazy is when you get into the wrong car when being picked up after school.

Crazy is when every time your throat hurts, you hope you somehow turned into a vampire without knowing it.

Crazy is when you follow strangers just to see where they're going.

Crazy is when your friend goes up to a blond, pale doctor, tells him she knows his secret, and you let yourself get dragged out by security with her, and are still her friend.

Crazy is when you are talking to your friends non stop (even after you've run into a mailbox at the mall) about twilight even though they haven't read it.

Crazy is when you yell at your mom for thinking that Twilight was a dumb book. (in New Moon she didn't think it was sad!!)

Crazy is when you have an argument with yourself in the supermarket over what you should buy.

If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Crazy Cullen Sex Talk by Love Is Courage Baby reviews
It all starts off as a harmless sexual education video... But that starts everything off. Blood flavoured condoms? Emmett a male prostitute? Alice and Jasper having sex in Edward's car? Lots of crazy, funny stuff starts to happen.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 22,143 - Reviews: 750 - Favs: 382 - Follows: 274 - Updated: 6/2/2011 - Published: 1/29/2009 - Emmett, Carlisle
Things a Vampire Can’t Do by JasperSAYSrelax128 reviews
A series of VERY FUNNY one-shots of things our favorite vampires can't do. Set in Eclipse. Brought to you by JasperSAYSrelax128 writer of "Oops, he did it again!"
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 5,383 - Reviews: 359 - Favs: 218 - Follows: 117 - Updated: 1/26/2011 - Published: 6/22/2009 - Complete
We should have just played bored games! by Jacob is so mine reviews
Everyone is extremely bored so they decide to play a game of truth or dare.It gets really crazy...there going to all wish they never agreed to this.I know there are alot of these already but i swear this one is hilarious and very original
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 56 - Words: 98,055 - Reviews: 764 - Favs: 184 - Follows: 110 - Updated: 11/26/2010 - Published: 7/27/2009
Janes Just Want to Have Fun by the muffin man's daughter reviews
Volturi randomness. GayAfton,Dora,Beyonce,JaneCasting,IM,Jane'sDiary,Tangelos, etc. Pretty much what the Volturi do when they're not "saving the world."
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 20 - Words: 6,894 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 4/14/2010 - Published: 3/4/2009 - Jane, Alec
21 things that the cullen's can't do by team sparkel fleas reviews
excatly what it says !
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 604 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 2/22/2010 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Emmett, Jasper
Bella and Emmett's Songs by Completely Dipendente reviews
Bella is drunk and her and Emmett are writing songs about some of the people they know. Please review, even if you hate it x
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 10,151 - Reviews: 713 - Favs: 289 - Follows: 147 - Updated: 11/28/2009 - Published: 1/23/2009 - Bella, Emmett
Cullenary Educaton: Forks Sex Ed by MarcyJ reviews
Set at the End of Bella's Junior Year. Hilarity ensues when the Forks Gang is forced to endure Sex Education class with Coach Clapp. Chapter 1 is Jasper POV, and each subsequent chapter is from the perspective of a different character.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 22,726 - Reviews: 2144 - Favs: 3,572 - Follows: 1,669 - Updated: 8/28/2009 - Published: 4/2/2007
Who's baby is it anyway? by Jacob is so mine reviews
What if Bella went on her honeymoon and got pregnant with "Edward's baby" but when they deleivered it the baby had shinny black hair and dark russel skin? how is this possible? Maybe something happened a week before the wedding......
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 21 - Words: 26,548 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 8/28/2009 - Published: 6/11/2009 - Jacob, Bella
AIM with Breaking Dawn by Fishey Stories reviews
What happens when the characters of Breaking Dawn discover AIM? Mayhem, of course. Rated T for language and suggestive themes. Very random. Never ends.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 8,085 - Reviews: 174 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 8/15/2009 - Published: 8/8/2008 - Edward, Bella
Renesmee Questions by LoveAlwaysComplex124 reviews
Being the youngest is always hard because you miss out on things. Renesmee's fully grown in this story and she's starting to get curious about her family and her questions make them feel uncomfortable. T for mild suggestive themes.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 7,453 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 7/29/2009 - Published: 7/1/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie
AUNT NORA! by Twisisters reviews
emmett's cycopathic aunt Nora pays a visit! includes vengeful beavers, a high bella and mike newtons death
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,939 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/15/2009 - Published: 3/21/2009 - Complete
Edward, I Understand You by LoveAlwaysComplex124 reviews
A new girl--not Bella--comes and knows Edward's secret. Moreover, she thinks he's gay! It's a one shot of a human messing with Edward.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 368 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 6 - Published: 7/3/2009 - Edward - Complete
Charlie Helps Edward by LoveAlwaysComplex124 reviews
Charlie starts to question why Edward doesn't eat. He comes to one conclusion: Edward is bulimic?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 419 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 7 - Published: 7/2/2009 - Charlie S., Edward - Complete
Vampire or Werewolf? by JasperSAYSrelax128 reviews
Edward and Jacob switch bodies for a day....Will they be able to handle Edward in a werewolf body, and Jacob in a Vampire body? What does Bella think?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,921 - Reviews: 331 - Favs: 191 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 6/25/2009 - Published: 5/10/2009 - Complete
Bella's Therapy by LadyBugGirl reviews
What would have happened if Charlie had forced Bella into therapy after Edward left in New Moon? Not good at summaries, but it's very funny, please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 2,315 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 6/16/2009 - Published: 3/29/2009 - Bella
When Pigs Fly by kat.9981 reviews
Emmett take the phrase 'when pigs fly' literally. Emmett ask Edward if he could drive his Volvo. Edward said he can drive it when pigs fly. Emmett is determine to drive Edward's car. Can Emmett prove to Edward that pigs can fly? Or will he fail? One-shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,071 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/14/2009 - Complete
Family Therapy by TeaCullen reviews
Sequel to The Lie Detector Test. "Do they have family wings in the mental ward? Because we're so going to need them," Emmett laughed. Rated M for language, violence and suggestive themes. Also because I'm paranoid. OOC at times. R&R! *Complete*
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 17 - Words: 24,348 - Reviews: 211 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 6/1/2009 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Complete
Deleted Scenes They Didn't Show You by LadyBugGirl reviews
There are things you didn't see on the DVD. When me and my friends, *ahem* VISITED the filming of Twilight, things got a bit crazy.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,496 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 4/22/2009 - Published: 3/29/2009
Twilight: IPod Shuffle Challenge by Completely Dipendente reviews
5 Songs. 5 Short Stories. Read inside for all the gory deatils lol.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,177 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/15/2009 - Complete
Cullens Gone Wild by chocolatexsmores reviews
This is just a spoof on the Twilight characters and Harry Potter combined into one story. I suck at summeries... please read! Better than sounds! I'll give you a cookie...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,102 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 4/12/2009 - Published: 6/27/2008 - Jacob, Emmett
Edwards Nerves by Love Is Courage Baby reviews
Emmett is bored and decideds to annoy Edward through his thoughts....
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,782 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 2/13/2009 - Published: 1/30/2009 - Edward, Emmett - Complete
Our Bella by Exactly.As.Planned reviews
Charlie, Jacob, Edward, Emmett, Alice, Esme, and Carlisle's reactions to Bella's one night stand with Seth Clearwater. AU. BxE, BxJake, BxSeth
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 547 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/20/2008 - Bella - Complete
Nessie therapy by Awesomeness 101 reviews
This is for my good friend SilhouettedStarlight21. It is not very good, but oh well any way, Nessie walks in on Edward and Bella "together" one night and so they take her to therapy
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,310 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/5/2008 - Complete
Pancake's Off the Ceiling by Wildmage117 reviews
We all know how Edward cooks for Bella in Twilight and Breaking Dawn- but what were his disasterous first attempts like? Oneshot set a few weeks before the prom in Twilight from Jasper's point of view. Rated T for mild language.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,290 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 13 - Published: 10/5/2008 - Edward, Jasper - Complete
You May Now Kiss the Bride by vjgm reviews
This is my version of the wedding starring then minister, Emmett Cullen. With Emmett in charge, you know that humor will be involved. How does Emmett handle this important job? Will he behave? Or will Bella and Edward kill him? ONESHOT of SILLINESS.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,887 - Reviews: 613 - Favs: 1,257 - Follows: 199 - Published: 7/31/2008 - Emmett
Sock Therapy by Korie.Moore reviews
Emmet has finally gotten on Jasper's last nerve! And how does Carlisle handle it? Very maturely I'm sure. From Edward's point of view.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 739 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/30/2008 - Jasper, Emmett - Complete
Simply Dazzling by EdwardAddict reviews
Cuddling up with the scrumptious-smelling Edward gives Bella a great idea. Why not bottle his scent and sell it? Just think how much happier the women of the world would be! Oneshot
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,078 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 9 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
It's THat Time of Month, Again by Bobby Rae reviews
I know it's embarassing, but hilarious. involves, Emmett getting an education in feminine products, high hormones, Ben and Jerry's, mismatched shoes, mysterious manicures and pedicures, and green eggs and ham. I will not eat them Sam I am!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 12 - Words: 12,083 - Reviews: 169 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 5/17/2008 - Published: 10/29/2007 - Complete
Family Therapy Cullen Style by vjgm reviews
Carlisle has had it with the children's constant bickering so he sends the Cullen's to family therapy. Suicidal Edward,Bella's fear of committment, Alice addicted to shopping, Rosalie's hostility, Emmett and Japer's gambling..who will survive? FUNNY
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 69,221 - Reviews: 8440 - Favs: 7,650 - Follows: 1,791 - Updated: 5/15/2008 - Published: 11/10/2007 - Complete
Marriage by Madame Meg reviews
“Also, as you may or may not know, if you don't use protection during sexual activities now a days, it can kill you. Let me clarify myself for you, Edward. I am that protection, and I will kill you.” Charlie sets some ‘rules’ for Edward.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,117 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 192 - Follows: 46 - Published: 4/30/2008 - Charlie S., Edward - Complete
Rosalie, Fanta & Disco Ed by Imaginary1.x reviews
Rosalie is a pshycotic cheerleader with a facination of Coca Cola, Bella Likes Fanta and needs therapy & Edward is in a Disco Suit. What The Hell Is Happining! ONESHOT to get over Writers-Block! ALL CHARACTERS ARE MAJORLY OOC! Please Read & Review!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 953 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/8/2008 - Complete
Shock Therapy by SinisterSweet07 reviews
Three obsessed girls get sent to a therapist about their Twilight obsessions. Imagine all the things that could happen. LMFAO. JxT aka Jane x Twilight
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,565 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 5/15/2007 - Published: 5/11/2007