Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.
I'm an 18 year old from Sweden! Woot woot, or whatever. I like to use this as an excuse if my spelling, grammar or anything I have done/written/said seems stupid/wrong. I do actually believe that it is a good excuse - Swedes are special people...
I'm very sarcastic, too lazy for my own good and scared of mostly everything that's not within the walls of my bedroom. Okay that's not true, I simply just don't like a lot of things :) but at the same time I adore a bunch of other stuff >_
There is a lot more to me than you'd think, I just can't express myself in the way I want to. I have a lot to say, just not the gut to actually say it.
Below this line is a bunch or random shit I, for some reason, decided to put on here...
Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it
STUPID QUESTIONS I WANT ANSWERD!
If markers are toxic once inhaled, why do they make sented markers? there out to kill us
whos cruel idea was it for lisp to have and s in it?
are children what act in 'R' rated films allowed to see them?
If the sky is the limit then what is space, over the limit??
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out." ?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt."?
Isn't Disneyland just a people trap operated by a mouse?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy?
Why is it when some products you have to turn upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn down?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . . .
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someones liver?')
After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
-Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
-Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
-Trying is the first step toward failure.
-Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
-And God(CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was gooooood
-You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
-I ran with scissors, and lived!
-It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 muscles to reach out and bitch slap that motherfucker who made you frown.
-I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
-I agree with the dictionary. girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
-I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
-They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people
~When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world try to figure out how you did it.
~Silence is golden but ductape is silver.
~Paper covers rock, bitch.
~I am a pink flamingo on the great lawn of life.
~Don't take life too seriously, it's not like you're getting out alive.
~I wanna blow shit up with my mind.
~you can ask permission now or beg forgiveness later
~never regret what once made you smile.
~The difference between humour and tradgety is that humor is when it happens to someone else
~Sometimes you make me so mad i want to throw you into ongoing trafic, but then i realize that i would probably kill myself trying to save you
~If you live to be 100 i want to be 100 minus one day so i will never have to live without you
~they say love is like magic, but isnt magic an illusion
~if nothing lasts forever, can i be your nothing
~Always forgive your enimies, nothing annoys them more
~LOVE... the slowest form of suicide
~Remember, God made men first because you always need a rough draft before you make perfection
~do you have a map cuz im lost in your eyes
~its not cheating untill you get caught
~THERAPIST=THE RAPIST... scary thought
~do you believe in love at first sight or should i walk past again
~Boy: why do you wear a bra if you cant fill it?
~Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll, Speed, weed and Birth Control, Lifes a bitch until we die, so Fuck the world, lets get high.
~I'm the froot loop in a world of cherrios.
~I run with scisors. It makes me feel dangorus.
~This aint no ech-a-sketch,this is one doodle that cant be un-did homeskillet.
~Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
~I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
~Don't look at me with that tone of voice!
~"Stress: The condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to kick someone's ass"
-Some People are only Alive because its Illegal to kill them