The Agonist
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Joined 04-20-09, id: 1908138, Profile Updated: 09-02-09

I humbly welcome you to my profile. If you've found yourself here it is most likely due to one of two reasons:

1. You received a less than flattering review from me regarding one of your stories posted on this site and are wondering what kind of cruel, inhuman creature would do such a thing.


2. You visited hoping I have my PM feature active so that you may "tell me off" for telling you the truth. If this is the case then by all means do so. I always enjoy seeing what sort of wit and wisdom you can bring to the conversation.


"On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points." - Virginia Woolf


Frequently Asked Questions

Q: I'm confused by your review. Are you insulting me?

A: If you are confused about a comment I may have left on one of your stories I'm going to assume that you are lacking in either intelligence or basic reading comprehension. Either way, you have no business posting your 'literature' on this site. And yes, I am insulting the rubbish you chose to put on display for all the world to see and admire. Deal with it in a mature way, please.

Q: Why do you have to be so rude/mean?

A: I am neither rude nor mean. I'm honest with my opinions. There is a difference. I simply know what I like and what I don't. Unfortunately for you, if you are the one asking this question, you posted something that fell into the latter category. If one of your stories catches my eye and I read it and find it a terrible waste of space, I will first give you, the author, the benefit of the doubt as everyone has an off day once in a while. If I look back at your other works and find them equally lacking, I will leave a comment and it may not always be the warm, fuzzy type of comment you want to hear.

Q: Don't you know that the review button is supposed to be used to say "nice" things about an author's story?

A:This always makes me laugh. Allow me to educate you. The review button is meant to be used as a tool to offer concrit to writers in an attempt to help them better their skill. Concrit may include suggestions on how to improve plot, flow, structure, etc. The problem is that too many of you aren't receptive to this type of helpful advice. Instead you choose to lash out at those who attempt to help you better yourselves. You have become too reliant on reviews that stroke your pathetic egos and basically consist of "OMG...I LURVE YOU!!111!! PLZ UPDATE SOOON!". It leads you to believe that the trash you post actually warrants praise. Not so, my friends. Not so.

Q: Do you only leave negative comments? Don't you have anything good to say?

A: No I don't only leave negative comments. If I happen to stumble across a good story, which is a miraculous thing, I do not hesitate to lavish praise on the author in hopes that it will spur them to write more and thus crowd out the terrible fics that are clogging various fandoms. If you received a positive comment from me then I thank you for taking the time to put together a well written, fantastic story. Gods know we need more of them.

Q: Why did you pick on my story?

A:Is your spelling and grammar atrocious? Does your sentence structure and spacing leave much to be desired? Are you abusing the English language? Are you using established characters who are completely OOC? Could your original character be seen as a Mary Sue/Gary Stu? Are you self-inserting? Is your plot complete garbage? Are you review whoring? Are you using real people in your story? Is your story irrelevant to the fandom its posted under? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you've found your answer. These are but a few of the offenses that may earn you an unpleasant tongue lashing.

Q: Are you here just to get off by making other people miserable? Do you give any helpful advice?

A: First of all, I do not "get off" by hurting other people's feelings. Quite the opposite. I have absolutely no problem assisting anyone who expresses an interest in improving their writing ability. In fact, I have the utmost respect for those able to admit that they may need a bit of help. I believe that there is no excuse for mediocre writing on this site. You have too many tools at your disposal for that to be the case. This site offers a document sharing and beta system where other authors (who are hopefully better than you) offer their time and services in order to help you get your writing up to par BEFORE you post it. There are also many different forums and communities that you can visit where others will gladly offer their opinions and suggestions to improve that which you have written. Again, this should be done PRIOR to posting. I would also suggest to many of you that you learn to utilize the Spelling/Grammar Check software included in many of the word processing programs on your computers. Most programs also offer a Dictionary and Thesaurus that wouldn't hurt many of you to take a gander at.

Q: Who are you to talk? You don't have any stories posted!

A: Tell me, do movie critics actually make movies? Do food critics normally own their own restaurants? No, they don't. They know what they like and were lucky enough to land a cushy job telling the rest of us about it. The same principle applies here. I have an opinion and a right to express it. You consented to allowing me to express my opinion of your work the second you posted it to this site. If what I have to say hurts your fragile, little feelings that is your problem and I fear you may be suffering from lack of self-esteem issues that may need to be addressed by a professional.



Occasionally I receive what I affectionately like to refer to as 'love notes' from people who's stories I have reviewed (on this site or some of the other sites I like to visit). Sometimes I'll receive one that is just too good to keep to myself. I'll be posting those here for all to enjoy so please stay tuned.


Author: twilightlover-simmy

Story: 'the cullens continue'

My original review:

Were you in a terrible hurry while you were writing this? It would appear so. You may not be aware of this but proper capitalization and punctuation are very basic writing skills that you should be familiar with before attempting to post this thing you have written. You switch POV so often that it makes me want to ram knitting needles into my eyeballs. It makes your story appear choppy, inconsistent and hard to follow. It would also appear that you are a bit of a review whore. Begging for reviews in exchange for more of this -whatever you want to call it- makes you appear cheap and tawdry.

Her response:

hi i know everyone has there own opion BUT you critisise every little bit you
find wrong

if you find what i write annoying and maybe a little idiotic WELL i find what
you wrote to me idiotic and annoying

why bother reading it if your going to just hate it??
i want revewis so i try diffrent tatics to get them
have you got a problem with that??
If you do just stop reading
i would never do that to someone
i try and i know im not that good at editing so just shutup!

After explaining to her (I'm assuming) that some criticism s/he may receive might not want to be what s/he wants to hear and inquiring as to whether or not s/he'd rather get praise for a job well-done instead of empty flattery, s/he said this:

i'm not a lost cause i just got an editior
yes i dont want bad critsisom but i dont want it that detailed
you dont have to be rude!

At which point my head had begun to pound so hard from trying to decipher her poorly written responses that I simply thanked her for taking a step in the right direction and got down on my knees and prayed to every deity I could think of that s/he would follow through.


Author: twilightlover-simmy

Regarding: Reviews for chaps 22 & 23 of her masterpiece

Chap 22 Review:

You're killing me. Truly you are. Please, either fix what you've written or delete this slag heap you call a story and start over. It is a glaring eyesore and has no business gracing the same space as some of the better written stories here. Also, I'm begging you, quit extorting people for reviews. As I've said before, it merely makes you appear to be an attention starved harlot.

Her Response to Chap 22:

Hey i took your crap before i get it!
can you just leave it?
stop reading if you hate my story that much!
there is a diffrence betwwen giving me construtive criticim and just being
rude to me you are are being rude!
so can you just go away!

I don't believe you do "get it". If you did you would have cleaned up the mess you've made. Instead, you keep adding to the festering pile.

Chap 23 Review:

Why do you bother writing? Haven't you ever heard the saying that if you're going to do something to do it well? I'd guess not judging from what I've forced myself to endure by sifting through this thing you call fanfiction. Also, your blatant extortion you resort to in order to garner reviews from your readers continues to amaze me. As I've said before, your review whoring does nothing but make you look like an attention starved harlot. Please, cease and desist.

Her Response to Chap 23:

hEY IVE GOT SOME NEWS FOR YOU you seem like an older person im am younger
than 13!
so it is considered as cyber bullying if i get one more insulting reveiw from
you i am reporting you ok?

Oh, really? Well, I'll think about it... There. I've thought about it.

My Response:

Perhaps it is I who should report you for spitting in the face of this site's guidelines which you have agreed to follow when you posted your story. If by some chance you have not taken the time to read them or have callously disregarded them, I have reposted them for you here. I also believe that by you stating to me that you are "younger than 13" you are in violation of this site's policies as you must agree to being 13 years old or older in order to create an account(a policy put in place for your protection). The following was taken directly from the site's guidelines.

Here is a list of conducts that should always be observed:

1.Spell check all story and poetry. There is no excuse for not performing this duty. If you do not have a word processor that has the spell checking feature, use a search engine such as to find one.

2.Proofread all entries for grammar and other aspects of writing before submission. 'Hot off the press' content is often riddled with errors. No one is perfect but it is the duty of the writer to perform to the best of his/her ability.

3.Respect the reviewers. Not all reviews will strictly praise the work. If someone rightfully criticizes a portion of the writing, take it as a compliment that the reviewer has opted to spend his/her valuable time to help improve your writing.

3.Use proper textual formatting. For example: using only capital letters in the story title, summary, or content is not only incorrect but also a
disregard for the language itself.

Please try to understand that these guidelines are there for reason and are meant to be followed. Thank you.

Sadly, I'm sure we're only going to see more of the same from this aspiring author-to-be.


Author: twilightaholic77297

Story: 'madness, madness and more MADNESS'

My Original Review:

A bit of advice...

Please, do everyone a favor and run this through a spelling/grammar check. There is a spell check feature in the document manager portion of this site so there is absolutely no excuse why you should have so many incorrect spellings. There is nothing more distracting to a reader than trying to read something and having to stop every other sentence to try to decipher whatever drivel the author is trying to convey. Learn how to properly use punctuation. You need to learn how to use a period and when to stop using commas. If you are unable to do these things yourself then please, for the love of everything sacred, find yourself a beta to wade through this and attempt to make some sense of it before you post. It is the very least you could do to show your appreciation for those simple souls who truly do want to read this.

Good, solid concrit. Is it really so hard to ensure something is readable before you post it?

The Response:

well im sorry, i do use microsoft word that does happen to have spell cheak!

Hmm...peculiar. They must be using the ghetto, bootleg version.

My Response:

It does or it doesn't have spell "cheak"? Even on the off chance that it doesn't (which I'm sure it does as I've never seen a version of MS Word that didn't) that is still no excuse to be lazy and outright sloppy. There are tools available on this site that allow you to check spelling BEFORE posting. Check your document manager. Its there right where you upload what you've written. All you have to do is open your document and click on the little icon. It isn't rocket science. You should be more concerned about fixing your errors than getting defensive. At least you'd be doing something productive.

A good attempt at being polite on my part, I believe. Apparently, twilightaholic77297 didn't believe so.

Her Response:

i'm sorry if im english but myenglish isn's PERFECT but not eeryone is PERFECT especially is it is grammer but i'm not very smart but i have my friend's guidence with my stories, but as i said not everyone is PERFECT, that even means you, miss priss

Yes, I couldn't understand the incoherent babbling either...

My Response:

I'm not exactly sure what you said in your last message to me. It was rather confusing to say the least. As to the point you brought up, you're correct. No one is perfect and I have never claimed to be. Far from it. We are all human and therefore we are all flawed. Flaws are something you work hard at to overcome, not wallow in and make excuses for. You seem to be doing the latter. Is it really too much to ask that you at least put forth the effort to attempt to write a coherent piece of fanfiction? I've said before, the tools are all right there for you. You're just apparently too lazy to use them.

An accurate observation in my opinion.

Her Response:

USE THE TWO THINGS IN UR GODDAMN HEAD CALLED EYES, and read with them please and also please pick up on a book of teenage slang then you might understand so you can go and thog ma hone beyore

My eyes have suffered enough abuse at your hands, thank you. I'll pass.

My Response:

No, my Dearest. I have mastered reading comprehension. Unfortunately, your long run-on sentences, mashed together words, spit-in-the-face of punctuation attitude and incorrect spellings barely qualify as written language. There is no slang there, just a poor attempt at defending your own inadequacies. Please, invest this energy in something productive like repairing whatever that -thing- was you wrote.

I am not fluent in gibberish...I apologize.

Her Response:

mashed togever words?! long run sentances?! written language?! HELLOOOO go jump off a cliff plz u will do most of us a favour plus i think haveing a life would help some people use diff methods to write we arn't all clones or robots we are different no one really likes people that read their story and review without at least 3 nice comments, so loosen up a bit mancare o i signor ciò che mai, or in a diff language pierda o la Sra lo que jamás

gracias pierde priss

AH! I think we've found this one's problem. They are one of 'those' who thinks the review button should only be pressed with the intention of leaving warm, fuzzy comments full of false praise. Also, note the desperate attempt to appear more intelligent by switching languages near the end of the response.

My Response:

Gods Almighty! It has learned to speak in different languages but has yet to master basic English! What IS the world coming to? I believe you need to educate yourself on what the review button was truly intended for. It is not a way for people to leave "nice" comments about the work of others although praise should always be given where praise is due. It allows people to submit constructive criticism which allows the author of the story to improve their body of work. Your body of work happened to be an eyesore. Instead of attempting to insult me, which you are failing at miserably, you may want to take a step back and examine what it is that I have so graciously pointed out to you. Others may not be so kind with their words.

Alas, they did not get the hint...

Her Response:

awwww ive not yet annoyed u yet pierde priss well i will continue and i will succseed trust me i always win pierde priss así que abandona justo becasuse que hago la mayoría de la defently victoria

Mmmkay. At this point I grew bored. Happy hunting twilightaholic77297, happy hunting...

don't worry at all i am happy hunting, i have people behind me

your beloved friend


The "people" who helped you put together this slop, no doubt. I can't wait to make their acquaintance. Sadly, I didn't have to wait long.


From: Sophie Whitlock Hale Cullen

Purpose: In defense of twilightaholic77297's drivel.

Hello Mr/Mrs The Agonist

I have reason to believe that you have left a slightly unpleasant review onmy friend twilightaholic77297's story (madness, madness and more MADNESS!). I am sending you this message on her behalf. Not that she asked me to, but I am not going to stand by and watch complete strangers criticise my friend and her work. It is not her fault that she cannot spell. A great many people cannot spell. In fact, the great poet Benjamin Zephaniah is dyslexic, and therefore finds it hard to spell, but it never stopped him being famous. Also, your review hasn't even got the slightest bit of praise, which I think you will find is known as flaming, which is in fact frowned upon by many fanfiction writers. And might I add, if you have not published any stories, what is the use in even being a member of http://www.FanFiction.Net? Of course now I suppose you will read my stories to see if you can find fault with them. Go ahead. Flame me all you like, I don't care. But flame my friends, and you will feel the pain. Because this is a world where friends stick up for one another, even in the cyberworld.

Thank you, and leck mich dock!

Sophie Whitlock Hale Cullen

P.S. leck mich dock means up yours in German

My Response:

Dearest Sophie-whatever your name is,

I find it quaint that you would come to your friend's defense. However, you aren't doing her any favors by approaching me on her behalf. While it is true that there are many people in the world who have difficulty spelling and some are quite famous, there is no excuse for the poor quality of work your friend has chosen to unleash upon an unsuspecting community.

Regardless whether or not your friend has issues affecting her ability to properly use the English language, I'm going to assume that she does in fact have the capability to engage the spelling and grammar check tool in her word processing program. I have seen lower primates on the Discovery Channel trained to utilize basic computer functions with ease so I'm sure she'd have no problem following suit. Perhaps, if this is an issue, you can offer her your services and click on the little icon for her? If you are such good friends I figure it would be the least you could do to help ensure her success in the fanfiction community.

If your perception of me is that I'm a flamer, then so be it. I read with a critical eye and am quite blunt when it comes to critique. Your friends story is, quite simply, a mess. Instead of being proactive and addressing the issue, she chose to immaturely decline concrit. It is a problem many on this site have. It is not my problem. It is yours.

I don't believe I will subject myself to the horror I'm sure your posted fiction consists of. I'll let the poorly written profile you've made for yourself speak for the quality of your other work.

I also think its cute how both you and your friend feel it makes you seem more intelligent by swearing at me in different languages. So, in the spirit of this little charade I'll leave you with this:

Mangia merde e morte.


The Agonist


From: Edwards Best Mate

Purpose: Another of twilightaholic77297's wonderful friends.

You are a retard, you accuse Twilightaholic77297 of spelling mistakes.She apologises in her summary about her spelling. then, in your review, you mis-spell decipher. you put decypher.if you are going to accuse people of spelling mistakes, check your own first. well, i suppose i should let you off, after all, you are american.

Edwards Best Mate

Rather than be offended, I actually find myself pitying you as it is so obvious that you and your friend share the same difficulty when it comes to mastering written language. I now have a new appreciation for Ms. Sophie Whitlock Hale Cullen. She at least put some time and effort into her response. Perhaps you and twilightaholic77297 should get together with her and let her assist you both in learning how to put together a proper sentence, yes?

My Response:

How adorable you are! Again, as I stated to the poor, pitiful specimen that PM'd me yesterday, I think its quaint that you are all coming to your friend's defense. Sadly, despite my misspelling of a single word during a heated typing session, you friend is and will forever remain the greatest example of how the school system in the United Kingdom is failing the youth that live there. How can someone fail so miserably at using basic English? Do you people not study proper sentence structure in school? Do your teachers not require that you learn to spell the simplest of words correctly? Have you no one there to guide you in learning the relatively easy task of clicking on the spell check icon when using a computer? If twilightaholic77297 is an example of your best and brightest, I fear for the future of your country. Believe me when I say that you aren't doing your friend any favors by encouraging her laziness and failure at life in general. If you were truly her friend you would offer to help her improve, not defend the garbage she sloppily threw together. THAT'S what friends do.

I apologize if anyone was offended by the preceeding response. Please know that I am in no way, shape or form insulting the United Kingdom or the people that live there. It is a wonderful country (I've been there a handful of times) full of wonderful people and I've made some really good friends there. I am well aware that these three are the exception and not the rule. I was simply trying to make a point. Thank you.


From: torchic101

Purpose: None that I can see, other than to be irritating.

Why do always have to be mean? Can't you just say you hate it and leave it at that? You don't have to be such a testa di cazzo. You can say our stories are a piece of stonzo in your opinion. You say some author's are a gran' disgraziato. I'd love to read your stories, what is your story writing user name? Until I see if youcan do better, mangia merde e morte. Get a vita. Have a nice day, cretino.

Yes, it is amazing that so many people with the same mental insufficiency were able to find each other in the teeming masses that make up this site. I'm so happy that you have friends twilightaholic77297! Good for you!

To torchic101:

Siete un degenerato. Prego cessi e cessi. Siete imbarazzante voi stessi.


The Agonist


From: torchic101

Purpose: Annoyance.

You know what? Jedi govna! I bet you can't speak THAT language! HA! Yes I know, I'm such a kid sometimes. But seriously, jedi govna!


To torchic101:

What reason could I possibly have to want to learn Croatian? Please, get off the computer and read a book.

~The Agonist


From: torchic101

Purpose: I still have yet to come up with a reason why this -person- insists on corresponding with me.

Mater te sahranila, kurvin sine! I think more people should know Croation because it's on of the smaller countries who people don't give a second look at. Wow, you looked at my PM quickly. I wonder if you're a so-called 'troll' Agonist. Rane te zaletile ljute!

To Torchic101:

Please, give whatever online language translator you've found a rest. You aren't making yourself appear any more intelligent. In fact, you've only shown yourself to be someone who has entirely too much time on their hands. Please, I'm begging you, turn off your computer and pick up a book. You might actually learn something.


From: May Whitlock

Purpose: Just another of twilightaholic77297's friends defending her rubbish.

Hello.. Or may I start by saying Why? You are rude and well.. Very stupid.The point of an account is too write storys for the world to read, My friend has had loads of replies for the story of "Wow, I love it .. Write more please." .. As you can tell it isn't about grammer which makes an unique and brilliant story. A critique or too is okay but there is no need to be rude and to be a BITCH okay? And above all my friends have emailed you about this as well. There is no need to be sarcastic all the time. And being rude to my other friends as well as my BEST-friend is WRONG and you should be ASHAMED of yourself. I don't care if you would like to go through all my storys and be rude to them. I don't care because petty people like you shoulden't be in this world as your whole life is getting happy becasue you made someone else sad.. Now this is the last time we are goijg to tell you to FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME AND MY FRIENDS A FUCKING LONE YOU WASHUP, STUCKUP CUNT. A very angry friend.

My Response:

Dearest May,

Surely you can all find something more productive to do with your time. I would like to suggest searching for someone to tutor you and your friends in basic use of the English language and writing composition. It would be more beneficial to you all than the time wasted trying to come up with tired, juvenile insults, which I must admit that I find highly amusing. You are all quite the source of quality entertainment for my friends and I. So, thank you for the chuckle. It brightened our day.

That is about all they're good for. I'd also like to add, pay close attention to how these PMs I've been sent are written. Their stories are written the exact same way: riddled with misspellings, no punctuation and terrible grammar. I'm supposed to overlook this? I think not. So please, I'm begging anyone reading this. If you're going to post a story on this site, take the time to do it right! DO NOT FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE THESE PEOPLE ARE SETTING!


From: May Whitlock

Purpose: A simple time-waster.

Hello again,
Wow, I'm stunned you actually have friends, Only due to the big and rude mouth which is sadly attached on your head.. Hmm.. -tuts- I am quite fed up really, myself,Sophie and edwards best mate all are trying to help our friend and you .. Well you don't know the word friendship do you. Only picking up something you had sent my friend.
"If you were truly her friend you would offer to help her improve, not defend the garbage she sloppily threw together. THAT'S what friends do." .. Well that is not what I call friends.. Friends are there when they are needed most, there to stand up for them which is what we have done. We are TRUE friends.. You on the otherhand .. Well I'm still thinking of what you possible are. I'm glad you find us funny, Only that well, we kind of think your funny and still I ask myself the question "Who is this pathetic moron?" Then again.. Maybe you ask the same question nearly everyday. this isn't a GAME! And well if you think it is.. Your playing on your own. I will always defend my friends because they are apart of my life and I love them dearly.. THAT IS TRUE FRIENDSHIP!! And what the hell do you mean by "DO NOT FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE THESE PEOPLE ARE SETTING!" Well for your information I am not supid.. I know exactly what that means.. And also for your information There is nothing wrong with OUR storys.. They are funny and it doesn't matter what problems are with it. Above all I would like to see what story you can write, it will be fun to see if you have it to be a "Perfect writer." and please for God's sake just leave us alone

How deluded.

My Response:

Ah, but it is you and yours who keep contacting me with your pathetic tripe. Surely you all realize by now that nothing you can say will ever change my opinion of the garbage your friend chose to present on this site and that you are all wasting your time with these petty, juvenile responses. Quite frankly, I find that you and your friends are beginning to bore me. You all need to get off the computer and pick up a real book, READ IT and learn how to write properly. Learn how to spell. Learn how to get a coherent thought across using written language and THEN you may be worth my time. Until then you remain, simply, a joke.

I know. Its amazing. All because I asked someone to run their work through spell check. Apparently it would be such a monumental undertaking for twilightaholic77297 that everyone she knows has to weigh in on the subject. I really shouldn't be surprised as they all seem to suffer from the same problem judging from what I've seen.


From: Shakespeare herself, twilightaholic77297

Purpose: A poorly written attempt at insulting my nationality.

i'm asuming that you're american which would explain the use of the poorly written american language. i am however english, therefore knowing how to use the language correctly. This would explain why you idiotic descendents cannot understand the way my story is worded. Get yourself a goddamn oxford english dictionary and spellcheck yourself!

Yes, I am American. Here in America, we don't speak 'American'. We speak English, apparently better than the English do if your example is to be believed. I'm sorry, but I don't believe you are going to find any allies among the publishers of the Oxford English Dictionary.

My Response:

Perhaps it is you who needs to pick up a dictionary. Since you are apparently unable to do so, I've helped you a bit.

fase (face) Your spelling actually refers to PASSOVER.

wispered (whispered) This isn't even a word.

minuits (minutes) Again, not a word.

minuites (minutes- you aren't even consistent with your misspellings, I repeat... NOT A WORD)

heald (held) This is a term used in the art of WEAVING.

couse (cause) Your spelling refers to GOSSIP.

favorate (favorite or favourite depending on your preference)-sigh- NOT A WORD

FRM (from) While acceptable in isn't acceptable in a fanfic.

This is only your first chapter. I ignored your distracting lack of punctuation and disregard for capitalization and merely focused on misspellings. Please, stop embarrassing yourself by sending me these messages. You're merely fueling the fire.

Her Response:

i like talkin to you i can get rid of anger plus people can still understand it your just a posh poof

The only people who have any clue as to what you're talking about are your fellow illiterates.


Profile Love: This little gem was pulled from twilightaholic77297's profile but has since been deleted.

"If you ever ge a review from The Agonist then all you just have to dois reply saying how you are english (that is if you are) andhow that person is American and tell the person to pick up an oxford english dictionary, because The Agonist is atually American so if you are reading this the agonistthe UP YOURS"

Its quite laughable. I'm not sure whether or not to be flattered or insulted as this huge run-on sentence is nearly incomprehensible. How witty you are!


Author: trinity-cullen

Story: This masterpiece is no longer available for public viewing.

My Review:

A quick question...

Do you still have a beta? If so, you may want to fire them and find a new one before posting another chapter. A good beta reader would never let so many capitalization and punctuation mistakes make it into the final draft of a chapter before you posted. These mistakes are easily fixed simply by running what you've wrote through the spelling/grammar check available in your word processing program. Nothing irritates me more than people too lazy to utilize the tools laid out before them. Perhaps you could find someone willing to come to your house and click on the little icon for you if you are unable to do it yourself, yes?

It would be one thing if it appeared you were actually trying to avoid making mistakes. However, nearly every sentence you wrote is lacking proper capitalization and punctuation which, unfortunately, is one of my biggest pet peeves as it is incredibly distracting to anyone serious about trying to read your work. I do hope that you consider finding a more reliable beta and go back and correct some of these gross errors in sentence structure to make this thing more tolerable to read.

I don't believe I was asking too much, was I?

Her Response:

1. thank you for your advice.
2. i dont have a beta rite now, cuz the beta i had was well lazy, and she didnt help much. i know my grammer sucks ass and i know i dont capitalizeanything but that how I write, and if people dont like it they dont need toread it.
writing is something someone should be able to do WITHOUT being judged for how they write. personally i think the story with more errors is alot more fun to read, and you get to see the original side to the story. but thank you for your advice, but so far the people that have read my story havent complained. so i dont see the need to change it

You should have left it at "thank you for your advice". I would have thought no more about it but no...

My Response:

Perhaps you aren't aware but posting your writings in a public forum with a review function is akin to asking people to judge what you wrote. If you prefer to read stories cluttered with bad spelling, grammatical errors and no punctuation that is your prerogative. It is not showing the "original side" of a story. It is what we call a rough draft and it is NOT a finished product and should NOT be posted as one. The people reading your story and posting their "OMG...this is sooo gud!" reviews are not doing you any favors by feeding your perception that this type of writing is acceptable. Just because they aren't complaining doesn't make what you've done good. You may not see a need to change it but you may also never be seen as a person serious about the quality of their work. I hope you pay more attention to the important details
in other aspects of your life.

Am I right? I thought so.

Her Response:

ok well how bout this, how bout YOU write a fucking story, and lets see how much shit i find in yours, i only post my stories to see what people think of it, not to see what kind of errors i have, i know my errors, im not blind, i use the spell check, i use the little tools laid in front of me, i just CHOOSE not to use it for myself cuz thats not my style, that might be your style but it sure as hell isnt mine. so get over it, if you dont like my gramatical errors dont fucking read it, if you see it dont read it. if ur so against gramatical errors then dont read the story. damn. picky ass bitch.

Such a filthy, filthy mouth you have. It goes well with your poor spelling and bad grammar.

My Response:

If by chance I did write a story, I would take my time with it to ensure that by the time it was ready to be posted that it would be a good experience for my readers. I would proof read. I would spell check. I would get a beta to see if they could catch anything I missed. Then, I would proof read again. You are insulting the people who read your fiction by forcing this "style" of your's upon them. It is not a style. It is an excuse for you to be lazy. Fortunately for you, the people who read your fiction don't seem to have very discerning taste. I suppose the old addage is true. Birds of a feather certainly do seem to flock together.

I'm sure you all have noticed this trend as well. Trolls seem to gravitate toward trolls. Its one of the unwritten laws of the Universe.

Their Response:

id like to see that, oh and if ur gonna use the fucking space bar use it
right. i mean damn way to many fucking spaces

I can see how you would feel that way since you yourself find the space bar such a difficult thing to master.

My Response

The only space in this conversation is the ever growing vacuum between your ears. I am writing you off as a lost cause. Go ahead and continue to mass produce those painful to look at, painful to read, sloppily put together, jumbled masses of words you call fanfic. I'm sure you will be able to find some admirers among the bottom feeding trolls out there. After all, they will read and review just about anything.

"Yer soo Awsum! Plz update sooon!!11!" Sound familiar? Get used to it. Its the only type of review you're ever going to get with a positive spin as any respectable fanfiction connoisseur with good taste would avoid these stories like the Bubonic Plague. Truly a waste.

Some people you just can't reach.


From: I troll with flamers

Purpose: To put on display to the world just how ignorant and racist they really are.

You're going on my blacklist. So just go die. Everyone hates you. You want to know why? Because your a nigger ass. Have a nice day:)

Of all the ignorant, racist comments. I am utterly appalled at your use of language as everyone here should be. From what I have been told, this is quite a normal comment from you. I am so glad that you have chosen to show us all what an ignorant person you are. It lets us all know that you aren't worth our time or effort. However, mark my words...someday you will spew this venom at the wrong person and you WILL regret it.



Purpose: This is one of twilightaholic77297's many multiple personalities.

ciao, my friend, i happened to of stumbled across your profile and read it, i have spotted that you flame quite a lot and FYI you spelt concrete wrong in your profile so don't flame my amico when you can't spell your self

Concrete? Surely you can't be serious, are you? What bloody reason could I possibly have to be discussing pavement in my profile? It is called "concrit". That, my dear friend, is short for constructive criticism. If you are unfamiliar with that term then you have absolutely NO business being here and making a nuisance of yourself.


From: Unique Cullen o.O

Purpose: ANOTHER of twilighaholic77297's alter egos.

il mio caro amico, non posso sembrare trovare questo Twilighter77377 o qualunque è persona o la sua storia

No, my dears, I didn't even bother trying to figure out what she was going on about here because, quite frankly, I didn't feel it was worth the effort. It was a completely unprovoked on my part, I assure you. If only she expended such effort working on her stories...


Author: vegetasfan14720

Story: 'Lethal Intentions'

My Review:

My Dearest vegetasfan14720,

While browsing through this wasteland known to some as the AVP fandom, I stumbled across this -thing- you've written. I read your "overview" and have since decided that I should have stopped there as it would have preserved both my time and my mental health. Both of which were strained by sifting through this rubbish you call fanfic. My question to you is this: Why? Why have you chosen to pollute this category with such pointless drivel?

Let's begin with the description of your main character. I'm not sure the effect you were looking for but the visual I get from your description is of an obese woman with a skewed body image who may very well have an issue with chronic depression that may need to be addressed by a professional based on her seeming obsession for the color black and apparent inability to form healthy relationships with the opposite sex.

After the first atrocious paragraph, the rest of your story then seems to spin out of control and into the depraved realm of your own deluded, masturbatory fantasies of rape and xenophilia. There is no depth to your plot, nothing to warrant a continuation of this sloppily thrown together jumble of words. To be blunt, this story lacks the substance needed to hold an audience captive. It seems merely to be an outlet for your own subconscious sexual frustrations.

Your writing itself desperately demands attention. While I saw no gross misspellings of words, there were spots with improper punctuation and sentence structure. You need to start a new paragraph EVERY TIME someone new speaks, not just when the notion strikes you. You also wrote your entire second chapter in eye-bleeding bold print. If your goal was for your readers to suffer eye strain and migraine headaches, you've succeeded. Bravo! You must be so very proud.

I would ask that you save the innocent from this horror you've composed and either turn into something halfway readable or get rid of it altogether and never speak of it again. Your attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.

This review is a bit more harsh than some I've given. However, I stand beside my critique. The entire thing reads like a deluded fangirl fantasy. No substance. No real plot. Just badly written, gratuitous sexual situations starring a rather Sue-ish main character and her sadly under developed Predator counterpart.

Her Response:

You know what? It is people like you who really piss me off! If you got something to say to me put it in a message not a review you ass hole! I should really lay it out on you and then some. Do not tempt me to do worse. "After the first atrocious paragraph, the rest of your story then seems to spin out of control and into the depraved realm of your own deluded, masturbatory fantasies of rape and xenophilia."
Who the fuck do you think you are? You don't know me at all like that. So instead of being condescending prick. If you want to say something I'll be more than happy to 'discuss' my "mastorbatory fantasies" with your punk ass. I'm usually descent, but don't piss me off! You have no right. For your info that was my first in a long time fic after a long hiatus and writers block. Sostick that up your tight ass. Come 'talk' to me when your not being a prick.
Thank you.



Notice how the only thing this -person- seemed to get out of my review was my dislike for their unrealistic, overdone depictions of sexual activity. I suppose it only goes to show where their concern truly lies.


Author: random hyper person

Purpose: Profile comment.

Holy shit. I read your profile... one question: WHAT DID YOU DO TO PISS twilightaholic77297 OFF?! And LOL concrit=concrete?! Haha that was stupid on twilightaholic77297's part... 'You spelled concrete wrong.' XD I don't really like you cause you seemn like your only purpose is to put
other people down, and you seem to think yourself better than others, and you seem self-centered... but hey I don't really know you so I can't really say anything... But I do think your smart. Can you just come up with insults like that outta no where?! Cause I know I can't... or it would at least take me a couple minutes...XD So you may seem like a totally bitch but hey... your a smart bitch! XD

What did I do? I simply suggested running her work through a spell check. Apparently, in idiotspeak, that is a declaration of war. I will not even get into the entire 'concrete' fiasco. I'd rather just pretend it didn't happen as it pains me to believe that someone can be so dense.

You know what they say about opinions. Everybody has one and you are entitled to believe whatever you wish about me. I'm sure the people I interact with on a daily basis wouldn't classify me as self-centered or a bitch. But, as you've said, you don't really know me. As for my skill in the art of insults, I've been told by those who have known me since I was wearing diapers that I've always been a cheeky, little moppet.


Believe it or not, not all mail I get is hateful responses from reviews. Here are some positive notes.


Letter #1

It's always nice to receive an encouraging review and I appreciate you for taking the time to read and respond. I read your profile, so I doubt you're shy about leaving honest responses. In case you find yourself following this story in the future, I wanted to let you know that I handle critique well and would love any advice you might have. I'm here to improve, after all. :)

Thanks again!

You're quite welcome. It was well deserved praise. I do plan on following your story in the future and look forward to your next update. Keep working hard! It shows!

Letter #2

On reading this, i am sure you will expect it to be some sort of hatemail! Alas no! it is actually a thank-you pm for having the "balls" to tell authors the truth about there storys. I have tried doing this myself on several occasions, but i must say i gave up as they all seem to want to believe that they themselves have written something worthy of the gods. So once again many thanks for your constructive reviews to people who actually deserve nothing less than a hugh kick up the backside for the crap they write.

P.s I appologise if my writing and grammer offend you, i dont pretend to be a writer simply an avid reader! (hence the fact i have no storys), but if you feel the need to review my pm then please do not hesitate to do so, in fact i will look forward to it.

Hmm...while I could pick on you for some of the grammar, spelling and lack of proper capitalization in your letter, I won't. You seem to already know that is an area you need to work on. If by chance you DO decide to post fiction in the future I'm putting you on the Honor System. You have to promise me you'll push that little Spelling/Grammar Check button and find a good beta to double check your work for you. Promise? Good! Thank you for your letter and best of luck in your future endeavors!

Letter #3


This might surprise you to hear... It's so very nice to see a constructive critic amidst all the flamers on this site! You know what it means to give real literary criticism and do not go ad hominem. I am honored to see that. Even as the quality of writing degenerates, so too does the art of critique in the form of flaming. I salute you. You deserve a medal.

If you should ever read my stories, whatever you say will be appreciated greatly. My ears will always be open to real criticism, as it helps me grow as a writer and improve.

Thank you very much. As I believe I have stated before, I do tend to read with a critical eye. While some may believe me to be harsh or mean-spirited, I feel that it is important to give constructive critique even though it may not be the warm, fuzzy review an author was hoping for. The purpose of this site is to give aspiring writers feedback to improve their work. Some are more open to this type of feedback than others. This is clearly evidenced by some of the more immature replies I have received in response to reviews I have left.

I am unsure if you will be visiting my profile again, but on the chance that you do, I wanted to let you know that I have looked over some of your work and you do seem to be heading down the right path. Writing is like exercising a muscle. The more you do it, the stronger it becomes, so keep writing!

Letter #4

After reading your whole profile, all I can tell you is three words...

I love you.

I know that I'm not one of those highly commendable authors, but at least I have an open mind. At least I actually do my best to make my newer stories understandable and not "eye killing" or whatever you call that. And I am so glad to know that there are at least thousands out there who are stupider than me, even if I'm probably younger than around seventy percent of them. xD

If you ever stumble across my profile and read my old GA fics, I only kept them because of their sentimental value to me, those being my first stories, after all. I reread them last week and noticed how horrible -horrible- those were. Which is why I've promised to revise all of them quickly when I have the time.

Oh. And if you'd want to give me constructive criticism, please do so. I want to know how I'm faring with my writing and stuff. I promise to be open to all the words you'll give, even if I'll find it insulting at one point. :))

Sorry for this somehow long PM... but I thank you in advance if you do help me.

I've had a sudden influx of people asking me to look over their work and leave them comments on ways that they can improve. I'm flattered, I truly am. It does my heart good to actually see that there are those of you out there that do want to do better. While my schedule at the moment doesn't allow me to sift through every word you've written, I do try to make myself available to those seeking a nudge in the right direction whenever I can. I'd like to give props to all of you out there who are taking the initiative to make your writing better by seeking out others to help you. Good for you!

Letter #5


Having read one of your reviews on "the cullens continue" (which, might I add, was gravely in need of some criticism after it's unwarranted love-fest), I was interested in checking out your profile. I simply must say "Bravo". Not only am I in full support of your critique, but I also found some of the correspondences which you've posted on your profile to be highly entertaining... and since it takes a lot to make me laugh now-a-days, good work.

Keep it up!

Thank you very much. Its good to know that this profile is good for something!

Letter #6

Mr./Ms. Agonist,

Having received a reply to a message sent from my co-author and co-editor, I was inspired to inspect the genius she has applauded so lavishly (for, you see, she seldom praises... well, anyone).

Having found and read through your profile, I must congratulate you - just as she did. So many stories on this site are - unfortunately - positively horrible and require much needed criticism... hopefully for the betterment of both the writers and readers. Alas, there are so very few of us that can be truly honest in their remarks and share constructive criticism without flaming. Thus, the work that you have preformed on this site is a misunderstood service and in extremely short supply.

I congratulate you once again as I close. Please do keep the critique rolling from your tongue. Simon was always my favorite judge from American Idol, and you remind me of him in stunning clarity.

There are not many people on this site that truly know the difference between a flame and concrit. While my comments may sometimes be harsh, some might say rude, there is constructive advice in there for anyone willing to see passed the wording. The problem being that few choose to do so.

Also, I am humbled by the comparison to Simon. I adore his blunt honesty. Thank you.

Letter #7

Thank you so much for your honesty. Not many people have the bravery to tell people how bad their stories are and I think it is great you have. It really annoys me when people don't spell check or use proper grammar so I usually just ignore the stories. Unfortunately, there are way too many Twilight fan fictions like this.
I just want to say well done, and good for you. The replies you have received which you have put on your profile really made me laugh because they prove what you were saying but I don't think it's very fair that people leave an honest opinion and all they get back is abuse. A better response would be "Thanks, I am going to try and improve on spelling/grammar/terrible plot/whatever is wrong with this story" so that fan fiction can be better for everyone.
Well done, I think you are brilliant for leaving such honest reviews. I really hope that some people will listen to them in the future.

Thank you. So do I. I really don't ask for much: check your spelling/grammar, have a coherent plot and believable characters. In short, make your fanfic readable! Unfortunately, judging from the angry mail I receive on a near daily basis from authors, that isn't going to happen anytime soon. If I can get just one person out of many to take a step back and really look at their work and find ways to improve, then I feel my time here has not been wasted.

Letter #8


No, I am not here to send you a ridiculous review reply or PM about how "cruel" your review was. I agree with the way you review.

You tell the truth. Some people think their stories are fantastic because they recieve a few reviews that say "WHAT A GREAT CHAPTER! UPDATE SOON!" and in actual truth, the work needs to be redone. I can tell you many stories that need work, because believe me, there is alot of it.

As I am all too painfully aware. Unfortunately, there are those so caught up in the amount of the praise they receive that they are unable to see just how imperfect their body of work truly is. It is a sad state of affairs. Still, I believe that honesty is indeed the best policy when it comes to dealing out critique. It is up to the author to take it for what it is worth. Thank you for your letter.

Letter #9

thank you so much for reading my story and giving me your advice. I wrote this story as as one-shot, but now i'm thinking of continuing it or at least rewriting what i already have and making it a little longer. What you said means so much to me especially because i am a very inexperienced writer and i really wasn't expecting many people to read it. thanks again for reading! :)

You, my dear author, are most certainly welcome. It is always a pleasant surprise when I stumble across a truly talented writer. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your future endeavors and hope that you will continue to grace us with your wonderful work. Thank you!


The Worst of the Worst

Here you will find some of the worst offenders that I've come across in my fanfic travels. All have worked hard to fail in various areas and earn their spot on this list. Are you in need of a good chuckle or just a glutton for punishment? If so, you've come to the right place. Check back often as I'm sure this list will be added to frequently

Congratulations to tain89 for being the first to make this list! Very rarely do I come across a reviewer who is more irritating than this one. Tain89, you give new meaning to the term "Troll". Congratulations once again!

Ah, Chickietwilight16! Welcome to the list! This prestigious, young author wrote a story called 'Things I Do to make you smile'. In this literary masterpiece she inserted herself into the pathetic, dismal plot which was peppered with incredibly poor spelling and grammar. Alas, this story did not make the Best Seller's List. Instead it was met with less than stellar reviews by readers who actually cared about the quality of work presented on this site. Said reviews resulted in the author deleting the story and reposting it to rid themselves of the less than positive comments. Unfortunately, Chickietwilight16 did not count on the passion and ingenuity of her critics and continues to receive well deserved negative reviews to this day. Bravo, Chickietwilight16, bravo!

It appears our good friend Chickietwilight16 has been quite the busy, little bee! In all her infinite wisdom, she has seen fit to found a community where others such as herself, suffering from low self-esteem and a lack of reading comprehension, can all come together and comiserate about the evils of "flaming". I am also truly honored, as she has dedicated a small blurb in her profile to my 'stupidity'. How lovely! I can't even bring myself to be bothered by such pointless drivel seeing as the entire rant, littered with misspellings and grammatical errors, is quite laughable. That aside, I still stand behind my critique. You're story (Yes, YOUR DID write it) was atrocious Chickietwilight16, completely atrocious.

Twilightlover-simmy has found herself and her story, 'the cullens continue', on our list for "just not getting it". Her blatant disregard for site guidelines is utterly appalling. Her refusal to put forth any effort whatsoever on her part makes you worry for the youth of today. What are schools teaching our children? Apparently not spelling, grammar or sentence structure. Good work twilightlover-simmy! Your laziness really paid off!

Twilightaholic77297 and her gaggle of friends are making my list a bit late but better late than never, kiddies! I'm not even going to go into detail about why they're here. If you've read any of the garbage posted above that I've gotten from them (if you were able to understand any of it) then you already know why. I have been told by quite the reliable source that twilightaholic77297 has sought out some assistance for her writing. I pray that this is true. If the rumor is true and you're reading this, twilightaholic77297, know this: I'm proud of you. I don't get to say that often.

Torchic101 and their continued abuse of online language translation programs are both annoying and time-wasting. As a matter of fact, I'll leave it at that simply because I don't want to waste any more time on them. Congratulations torchic101!

Get off of Fanfic received less than stellar reviews for a story they wrote. Instead of being mature about it and cleaning up the mess they made, they chose to take those reviews and post them into another author's story as a chapter. Yes, folks...Get off of Fanfic hacked into another writer's account and made a complete mess of their story by implying that the negative reviews were received by the author and that the story would be discontinued. You asked me when I confronted you about this issue why the reviews for your story were so bad. I'll tell you why. You deserved it. How dare you think you could have gotten away with this little charade. I will be watching you.


I hope you've enjoyed your stay,

~The Agonist