Norbert for President
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Joined 03-29-02, id: 191268
Author has written 10 stories for Harry Potter, Matrix, and Misc. Plays/Musicals.
Hello, my friends! I'm seventeen, I'm called Norbert (figuratively speaking). I live in England - so UK spellings in my stories, well, for the words I know how to spell, anyway. I really like the Harry Potter books. I also love the Matrix and Lord of the Rings (movie and book), but I DO NOT like the Harry Potter film. I could have done it MUCH BETTER (well, if I had 100 million quid and a lot of help!). Anyway - I love reading and writing, but I can only write funny stuff because I'm really bad at writing serious stuff so that is kind of so bad it's funny!

I love quotes - and currently my favourite quote is:
'The best things in life are like the forgotten tin of condensed milk . . . waiting to be found at the back of the cupboard'
- The Wisdom of Pooh

And I also love jokes:
'What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?'
'You're too young to smoke!'

Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ahem. Sorry.

I also love CATS because Jellicles can, and Jellicles do, Jellicles can and Jellicles do ...

And my stories are all (theoretically) funny so far though I might try and write an angsty fic about something to try and prove that I do consider the Deeper Things of Life. It won't be very good though, so if I write it, I'll forgive you for missing that one out!

Just a note for random people considering actually READING my stories - it's not that I hate Harry and Neo, I just know they're not that brilliant at processing thoughts.

And Tank - well, he actually does have really weird wonderful wiggly eyebrows. And LOOK AT THE WAY HE LOOKS AT NEO. So if you love him and don't want to read stuff in which he's gay and eyebrow-wiggling, don't read these!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Swinging that way: THE MUSICAL! by Sleather Chonkers reviews
SLASH :A show stopping musical filled with tranvestite death eaters , slutty gryffindors and a love which dares not speak its name!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 41,472 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/10/2003 - Published: 2/20/2003 - Draco M., Harry P.
They Think I'm Paranoid by JestaAriadne reviews
Marth rants! A lot! You'd be scared too if YOU had fangirls calling you TiaraBoy...
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 758 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/1/2003 - Marth - Complete
Dummies' Guide To CATS Romance! by JestaAriadne reviews
...So just how DID Maccy and Old D. find true, true love?
Cats - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,428 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/5/2003 - Macavity, Old Deuteronomy - Complete
Skyline by JestaAriadne reviews
CATS. Rumpelteazer's story trying to come to terms with her suddenly shattered life. Love, death, Mungo and anything else that seems important after...
Cats - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 20,797 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/17/2003 - Published: 12/16/2002 - [Rumpleteazer, Mungojerrie] - Complete
Subject to Change by LilyPotter reviews
Voldemort rises again, theres only one person who can stop him. But Gryffindors heir is a fifteen year old boy with no training as an auror. Only the parents can train one so young. This boy's parents are dead Can they change the past to save the future?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 33 - Words: 53,426 - Reviews: 443 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 11/27/2002 - Published: 11/25/2001 - Harry P., James P.
Garbage Day by gypsy season reviews
I'm surprised no one's every touched on this topic before. Just a funny little thing about a man named Thomas A. Anderson inspired by Agent Smith's line "And you help your landlady carry out her garbage...*face*"
Matrix - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,380 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/13/2002
Stare Death in the Face by Sparks reviews
For nearly nine years, he has been running, keeping out of sight of officials with his daughter whilst he does his job as best he can. Now they are beginning to catch up, and they would like nothing more than to take her away from him...COMPLETED 09/04/02
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 23 - Words: 35,853 - Reviews: 284 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/4/2002 - Published: 8/13/2002 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Winter Eyes, Winter Heart by Dark Lassie reviews
**FINISHED 2/9/02** Sequel to 'Games', read that first. The story is mainly to do with Lucius and Severus, but it's told mainly from Harry's point of view. Please R&R!!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,753 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 9/2/2002 - Published: 7/29/2002 - Severus S., Lucius M.
Dragon Mage by Sparks reviews
During his sixth year at Hogwarts, Harry Potter was whisked away by a stranger named Zodiac. For ten years no-one knew what had become of him. Then, in the Wizarding world’s darkest hour, a War Mage called Thor turns up to save the day...COMPLETED 27/7/
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 49,616 - Reviews: 234 - Favs: 373 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 7/27/2002 - Published: 5/17/2002 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
It was the Eyes by Saltandsweat reviews
**COMPLETE** will it all end well for love? Harry Potter's daughter and Severus Snape being the main characters ... potions, intrigue and the Founders' tasks. Please R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 38,393 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/18/2002 - Published: 3/9/2002 - Severus S., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Life's Not Fair so says Maccy! by JestaAriadne reviews
CATSfic. It's high time Macavity and I had a chat... crazyfic!
Cats - Rated: K - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,261 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 4 - Published: 2/3/2002 - Complete
Another Short Story about Munk & Dem& Macavity too by JestaAriadne reviews
CATS fic. You could say this is a sweet little piece about how love conquers all. You'd be telling a total lie. Contains one sibling rivralry I GUARANTEE you won't have expected.
Cats - Rated: K - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,815 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 8 - Published: 1/24/2002 - Macavity, Munkustrap, Demeter - Complete
The Dare by Miss Snuffles reviews
In Ginny's fourth year at Hogwarts, she is dared to kiss Harry Potter . . . in front of the entire school!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,312 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 216 - Follows: 32 - Published: 11/3/2001 - Ginny W., Harry P.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Fifth Year Howlers reviews
*Chapter 8 now up* Harry Potter deals with his frustration by sending Voldemort a howler. Rated PG for Harry's scary yodelling!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,449 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 7/11/2003 - Published: 8/30/2002 - Harry P., Voldemort
The Crumb reviews
CATS. Macavity eats the Jellicle Moon (with added ketchup!). Short, smiley fic.
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,290 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/29/2003
Harry Learns the Truth reviews
Alternate ending to book 4... Those who believe Harry is the Saviour of the World, beware!!! Prepare to learn the TRUTH!!!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,443 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 2/20/2003 - Harry P.
Eyes of Storms, Hair of Flame reviews
A very unlikely couple in true, true love. Slash warning! Death warning! NOT for the easily influenced... hehehe *evil cackle* PARODY!!!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 907 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/20/2003 - Ron W., Draco M.
The Carphone Warehouse reviews
*Chapter 1* Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity have to have lessons on phone use! Starring: Tank's famous wiggling eyebrows and Trinity's eyeliner.
Matrix - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,073 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/19/2002 - Neo, Trinity
Valentine's Day reviews
Trinity receives lots of Valentine's cards, so Neo is annoyed because he spent ages on his and had to borrow Morpheus' felt-tips and everything! And he also redecorated everything (including Tank, Mouse, and Morpheus) pink!
Matrix - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,337 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 9/29/2002 - Published: 8/12/2002 - Neo, Trinity
Pink and Fluffy reviews
Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus have to take action when everyone in the Matrix inexplicably turns pink and fluffy!
Matrix - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,928 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 6 - Published: 8/8/2002 - Neo, Trinity
April Fool reviews
Neo thinks Morpheus and Trinity have been bitten by the green-eyed monster when they play a trick on him. Morpheus ends up dead - but they do manage to destroy the Matrix!
Matrix - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,234 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/6/2002 - Neo, Trinity
Harry Potter and the Dentist of Doom reviews
In which the history behind Peeves' vulgar dress-sense is revealed, and Harry becomes addicted to Owl treats!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,654 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/2/2002 - Harry P.
Harry Potter and the Red Contact Lenses reviews
Harry goes to the opticians and is happily spying on random Muggles when Voldemort inconsiderately comes in and tries to kill him. I ask you?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,244 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/29/2002 - Harry P.