BrokenEmoAngel
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Joined 04-27-09, id: 1915855, Profile Updated: 08-09-09
Author has written 5 stories for Twilight, Maximum Ride, Teletubbies, Väudîz tetralogía, and Night World series.

Broken Emo Angel - thats me ( stole from best friend: cookie she was about to eat.)

The last thing I want to do is hurt you... but its still on the list (says this to best friend) JK LOL dont kill me maximumchrisyt!)

NOTE: some of the things on this profile are rated M if you dont mind that continue to steal shit from my profile. Have fun!

DISCLAIMER!!-Just to get it over with, I own nothing I write about except if It is a character I say I own it, and some of plots of my stories are mine. If you ever even try to steal my story...you shall face the wrath of several very obnoxious things that come out of my head.

My fav music is on the playlist site.

GO HERE: just to let you know I dont care what you think about my taste in music. Its soooooooooo good

charlie the unicorn watch this on youtube. Also watch llamas with hats on youtube funny stuff. I wouldnt lie... or would I?

GO HERE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcbazH6aE2g its crazy but i like it.

GO HERE: this is the comic for the youtube video.

ROTFLMAORH (if you dont know what this means you shouldnt be on my profile. This is my signature txt message steal it and suffer in hell for all eternity.)


To save myself from freaky people online my email says my name is tsubasa love, but that is NOT my name. It also says Im 20. NOT that either. I dont mean any mistrustfulness to people that talk to me its just I watch WAY too much television. I have to keep my safety from pervs. Only stalkers want to know A/S/L.

Name: Ummm... dammit and i was sure i would remember this answer.

Gender: 50/50 you get it right. lol

Age: IDK umm.. a thousand and one really its between 1-100

Screen Name: BrokenEmoAngel

Birthday: I dont have one. i know isnt that weird?

Race: White

Grade: uhhh well its summer but i will be a junior

Job: no but looking

Status: single not looking on the internet too many pervs out there

Hometown: somewhere far away from where i am now.

Current Town: only stalkers wanna know this.

Siblings: i have six siblings and thats all you need to know.

Pets: 2 dogs (shadow and Ribbit), 2 bunnies(blackie and whitie) iknow very original), 1 cat(waffles)

Likes

Fav Color: the freakin rainbow. lol jk my fav colors are black and blue

Fav Number: 7

Fav Animal: Cat

Fav Food: funyuns (sp?) and pizza

Fav Ice Cream Flavor: vanilla

Fav Candy: anything chocolate

Fav soda: Idk rite now my fav drink is lemonade

Fav Band/Artist: Secondhand serenade and All-American Rejects. My favorite punk band is Rise Against. I currently have been introduced to chiodos and LOVE them.

Fav Song: too far gone

Fav Book: Maximum Ride( I want my own Fang right now), Twilight( Movie didnt do Edward justice), Morganville Vampire series( Shane is annoying, but soooooo HOT!), The whole night world series ( what is up with the whole soulmate thing and where is mine?), Hunger Games ( this book is soooo AWESOME). Thats it for now.

Fav Movie: the crow

Fav TV Show: the secret life of the american teenager, family guy, american dad, robot chicken, and futurama.

Fav Sport: i dnt have one

Fav fanfic author/story is Maximumchrisyt and her story Maximum boarding school.

Fav class: no class is fun and good enough to like unless there's a naptime class.(note to self google it)

Its not paranioa if theres actually someone after you. -Maximum Ride series quote

Where am I? I don't even know. Hold on let me ask a friend. I think we've been kidnapped. It's to dark to hear anything. I think the plane was shot down, maybe we are in a tribal area.Last time I looked out the window we were headed over the Bermuda Triangle. Oh Maximumchrisyt not this again. (see her profile at the top. then you'll get the joke behind this)


Me and A is for Angel made this sooo "f" ing AWESOME list.

1.Coolness- means really cool
2.Yeppers- means HELL YES! and more
3.Kellers- means when you have to babysit the lil "angels" for a family member.
4.Justers- means its over the top coolness that everybody has 2 do it its nonstop
5.Ohers- means defintely you should do it and just do it damn it. it also means oh.
6.Kers- means i hate that and dont want to hear it again
7.Yayers- means yay but w/ a lil more to it. like an extreem KICK TO IT!
8.Shakers- means get down and sing and dance your a off
9.Perfext- means slightly better then perfect
10.Worster- means worst than the worst thing you stated previous.
11.6/15 is neice bother day between 7 and 8 pm
12.Nutrageous- means CRAZY out of my mind forever no returning up for grabs if anyone dares to try and obtain its knowledge
13.Yute- someone that doesnt truely understand us
14.Rellers- worster then kellers its sooo HORRIABLE!
15.gajillion- soooooo much it had to have a new # added for it
16.Awesomenessers-means super awesome DUH!
17.O's- when someone is reading over your shoulder,while youre online talking to someone, press the o key once and hit enter. repeat til you cant see the convo anymore
18. Workin' like a one-armed paper-hanger with an itch...- means workin like dogs babysitting but barely get payed it can mean that
19.Me= mind blank (me is brokenemoangel)
20.You= clueless (you is A is for Angel)
21.You = crazy but only with music.


~Quotes~

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
George Carlin

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
Joey Adams

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
Nancy Mitford

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller

This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, because I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.'
I said, 'Oh, a gay trucker?'
Judy Tenuta

If you put Bella and Edward together you'd get bedward or bellaward (like Max and Fang= Fax) (Bell Award I want one.)

When you make a mistake on something:

Good Friend " it's okay. try harder next time. nobody's perfect."

Best Friend " how could you screw something up like that." (whispers dumbass)


Things stolen from me and put on maximumchrisyt's Profile:

I came up with this-

While n an arguement...
Friend: I WIN!
Me: What did u win? What is ur prize? I wasnt aware we were playing a game. I thought we were fighting over Fang and all u said was something ONLY YOU thought was funny. So What again did you win besides embarrassment?
Friend:uh...um u win.
Me: next time youll think twice b4 u play against the Master.

Good Friend calls you an obsessive stalker when you talk about him too much.

Best Friend says "Do you want me to drive? I have rope in my trunk."

A Good Friend says "You can have my Fanfic guy"

A Best Friend says "Where and When.. Bitch!"

If you ever wondered why we say cheese before we take a picture, then copy and paste this into your profile.


Things I like on other people's profile:

One bright morning...
in the middle of the night,
two dead boys came out to fight.
they stood back to back
and faced each other
drew their swords
and shot eachother.
the deaf policeman heard the noise
and came to kill
those two dead boys.
If u dont believe my story
its true ask the blind man he saw it too!

(Best poem in the world. I want to know who made this.)

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no flipping way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh crap, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole."

( I what to do this, next time I play rock, paper, scissors)( after reading and stealing this I had to put the next thing right under it.)

If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then copy and paste this in your profile.

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)


Things I find funny from Fmylife.com:

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

(hopefully this person was going straight home instead of work)

Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML

(My mom would do the same thing)

Today, my wife and I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner. I hid in the foyer while she went in and announced to her parents that she was leaving me. I watched as her mother hugged her daughter and cried "Finally..." FML

(This is soooo not nice. Her mother is a bitch.)

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and proceed to cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

(I would be pissed if I got covered in silly string for no reason.)

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me tampon girl. FML

(Why didn't she ask a friend?)

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

(He commited suicide five days ago because of this lame ass being related to him.)

Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML

(WOW! :p IDIOT!)

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML

(Max would do it on instinct)

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

(She the good friend)

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops, looks directly at me, and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN!" and proceeds to flip me over, grab his clothes, and run out of my room. FML

(I think he's gay. I mean he screamed Ice Cream Man)

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

(Haha I cant believe this happened. it was probably one of the cops there at the scene.)

Today, I was at school during 2nd period Social Studies with my crush, we were working as partners. I got called down to attendance, and on the loud speaker I heard my mom faintly say, "Yeah, she likes this kid Rob. Anyways tell her she was lucky I had an extra tampon." FML.

(what mom would do this? This is so horrible. Why did her mom only have one extra tampon?)

Today, I went to Ralph's to get bread and a snack. While paying, an 80 year old lady, in a walker, took my bag while I wasn't watching. That's right, I got jacked by an 80 year old in a walker. FML

(How does this even happen? She couldnt even run away. This definitly is a what the f-- moment)

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML

(My kid isnt going to say stranger danger hes going to say I know karate bth!)

Today, my fiance brought me to his friend's house to hang out. When I got there they said they were playing cards and invited me to join. I sat down with the expectation that they were playing poker. No. They were playing Magic Cards and they thought it was COOL. My fiance plays MAGIC CARDS! FML

(WOW)... dork)

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

(Anyone remember the Omen child? Well thats his daughter)

Today is the five year anniversery of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML

( If he was mine he wouldnt have the balls to say that again)

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

(I'm actually speachless on this one... All I keep thinking is... Bacon?)

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

(Who would tell this out loud in public on a BUS?)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

(WTF, I can't believe this could happen)

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and proceeded to sing " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

(silence is golden, ducktape is silver)

Today, after a long night of cramming for an extensive Anatomy final (detailed diagrams included), I check the senior final schedule to find that Anatomy is not till tomorrow, but I take Calculus in 10 minutes. This is followed by an e-mail from my teacher saying I can exempt Anatomy. FML

(Hahahahaha rotflmao) I am also cramming for finals, I wish one of my teachers would tell me that I could exempt a final)

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was to late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

(What the... there are no words for this except FYL) sooooo hahahahaha)

Today, I was training for a sales associate job at a local department store (sitting in front of a computer watching videos about the rules). Six and a half hours into the eight hour long training period, the manager comes up and tells me I put the wrong CD in. FML

(just give up now)

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

(I would cry. No joke.)

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

(This is just too funny. Hope it wasnt the guy she liked.LOL)

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

(My mom would say take her shes doesnt need to live. She would of course be talking about me.)

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

(Who says thngs like that when children are near?)

Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt ?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

(Smoooooooooooooth one)

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

(LMAO WTF. was this person high or what?)

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

(What an idiot. If youre gonna do that do it with your friends at home. Good game though)

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

(I am so watching that)

Today, my mom told me I was worthless and could not do anything by myself. Determined to prove her wrong I attempted to install the AC that I had neglected to put in for the past month. While placing it on the window it fell through landing on her prized roses and breaking into pieces. FML

(well coolness points for the flowers but busting into pieces HAHA. ya I did a nelson on that one HAHA.)


More stolen things:

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.

Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.

Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic. -Vampires??

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Bibliophobia- Fear of books. -This would probably drive me to phobia listed above (Agateophobia-Fear of Insanity)

Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.

Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors. -That would seriously suck.

Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch. -Sorry Dutch people, but some people are afraid of you.

Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.

Francophobia- Fear of France or French culture. (Gallophobia, Galiophobia)

Japanophobia- Fear of Japanese.

Russophobia- Fear of Russians.

Judeophobia- Fear of Jews.

Sinophobia- Fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers. -What can I say?

Ergophobia- Fear of work. -Sounds like a good excuse to me.

Germanophobia- Fear of Germany or German culture.

Gerontophobia- Fear of old people. -I just I can understand this one, I mean an old lady with crutches to walk with. (Shiver)

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. -Now this name is just mean!

Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news. -Wow

Nomatophobia- Fear of names.

Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.


If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you beleive your whole life is on a flash drive because thats where your stories are, then copy and paste this to your profile.


Got this from xANONYMOUSGOTHICVAMPIREANGELx

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said "no". She asked him if he would want to be with her foever...and he said "no". She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry? and once again he replied with a "no". She had heard enough. as she walked away, tears streaming down her face, the boy grabbed her arm and said... You're not pretty, you're Beautiful. I don't ever want to be with you forever, I Need to be with you forever, and I won't cry if you went away...I'd...die

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live.
If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste.

Someone asked me the other day if my glass was half empty or half full. I was going to say it's empty, but that's not completely true. My life isn't void and I have my happy moments; but they usually just seem to disappear, or get worse. So, my glass is cracked. Yes, cracked. It gets filled up with happiness and hope, but it always ends up escaping my grasp. It always ends up empting out. It will never be full because it's always leaking. And one day, it will get thrown away, because no one wants a broken glass.

I didn't want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness and smile instead of cry.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his friends,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how he is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!

Everyone sees -- who I appear to be
But only a few know the real me (I THINK THIS IS THE MOST TRUEST THING ABOUT ME)
you only see what I choose to show
there's so much behind my smile
: you j.u.s.t don't know :

I'm just saying you can't know who the person is;
The person who will become your ultimate confidant.
Your soulmate, your lover.
He may be the guy you've had your eye on for years...
Or he might be the guy next to you in torn jeans, buying some parts for his motorcycle.
Whoever he is, he starts off at a stranger.
So he could be anyone.

"F--ed up.
I
nsecure.
N
eurotic.
E
motional.
Honestly, I'm FINE!"

I'm Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old I Am Now

REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
when )m 0 m( was your hero
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

I'm the kinda girl...

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of adead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I'm the kind of girl who would rather act stupid than smart.

I'm the kind of girl who would get fired at the M&M's company for eating most of them.

I'm the kind of girl who in an awkward silence or someone says something awkward would laugh.

I'm the kind of girl who's not afraid to prank my friends.

I'm the kind of girl who would make my friends laugh by just being with them for a few minutes.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

"Holy insert swear word of your choice here."-Fang

This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God


Me and my friend came up with this:

Friend: Give me summer (liberty) or give me graduation (death) FREEDOM!

Me: Took this from you with my police costume. (see maximumchristy's profile to know why I said this)

Friend: My ninjas helped me escape with my saying.

Me: I should have used the ninja cloak instead.

Friend: You can't have my assassins either.

Me: F/U youre a WH#re

Me: You can't have me evil scientists opr my body guards or my experiments or my watch "animals" (shapeshifters)

Friend: I killed them with my vampires.

Me: I already killed your vampires with my werewolves. (the real ones)LOL)

Friend: Can so not kill my vamps... Edward.

Me: He was alone waiting for you and they jumped him. It was 10 to 1 ( he was the 1)

Friend: My witches saved him.

Me: We set him on fire.

Friend: I brought him back with my ghosts.

Me: You cant hug him, you'd go right through him.

Friend: They turned him human then I bit him.

Me: Then you realized he wasnt all human because my scientists did tests on him.

Friend: I took care of them.

Me: You killed him again? Venom is poison to werewolves.

Friend: Plus he got pissed and killed your scientists. And one werewolf.

Me: Only the ones in the lab. I have scientists all over the world. EVERYWHERE. They're wacthing right now. Are you parnoid, yet?

Friend: No. I got witches to block what ever you do.

Me: Well one witch couldnt resist the cookies we had. sooooooo...
(cookie thing from max ride series)

Friend: We have chocolate. She resisted.

Me: We have double chocolate cake.

Friend: Witches like plain choclate best.

Me: Shes allergic to chocolate. (LOL)

Friend: To your cookies and cake. and I WIN!

Me: This isn't over.

Friend: Yes it is. I wont let you drug her.

(If you thought this was a funny arguement copy and paste to your profile)

I got this as a forward email and thought it was awesome:

You are Everything To Somebody

Right now at this very minute--

someone
is very proud of you

someone
is thinking of you

someone
cares about you

someone
misses you

someone
wants to talk to you

someone
wants to be with you

someone
hopes you aren't in trouble

someone
is thankful for the support you have
provided

someone
wants to hold your hand

someone
hopes everything turns out all right

someone
wants you to be happy

someone
wants you to find them

someone
is celebrating your successes

someone
wants to give you a gift

someone
thinks you ARE a gift

someone
hopes you are not too cold, or too hot

someone
wants to hug you

someone
loves you

someone
wants to lavish you with small gifts

someone
admires your strength

someone
is thinking of you and smiling

someone
wants to be your shoulder to cry on

someone
wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

someone
thinks the world of you

someone
wants to protect you

someone
would do anything for you

someone
wants to be forgiven

someone
is grateful for your forgiveness

someone
wants to laugh with you about old times

someone
remembers

you and wishes you were there

someone
needs to know that your love is unconditional

somebody
values your advice

someone
wants to tell you how much they care

someone
wants to stay up watching old movies with
you

someone
wants to share their dreams with you

someone
wants to hold you in their arms

someone
wants YOU to hold them in your arms

someone
treasures your spirit

someone
wishes they could STOP time because of
you

someone
can't wait to see you

someone
wishes that things didn't have to change

someone
loves you for who you are

someone
loves the way you make them feel

someone
wants to be with you

someone
hears a song that reminds them of you

someone
wants you to know they are there for you

someone
is glad that you're their friend

someone
wants to be your friend

someone
stayed up all night thinking about you

someone
is alive because of you

someone
is wishing that you would notice them

someone
wants to get to know you better

someone
believes that you are their soul mate

someone
wants to be near you

someone
misses your guidance and advice

someone
values your guidance and advice

someone
needs you to send them this letter

someone
needs your support

someone
needs you to have faith in them

someone
needs you to let them be your friend

someone
will cry when they read this

(added this next one)

Someone will copy and paste this


I am...

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it

Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

A true friend is someone who will try to answer the "eraser bits" question and have a long conversation about it. A friend is someone who wont say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing too, just help you cry. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this in your profile.


20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .


i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile


I'll lead you toward destruction and self inflicted wounds,

I'll lead you towards corruption and white rooms

I'll take you a way from salvation and torture you,

I am the quick way to heaven for most of you.


Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line


If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this,because the in the Bible it says if you deny me,I will deny you infront of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

Some say arguing with yourself is completely normal. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE, that it's weird. If you ever HAVE argued with yourself and lost, copy and paste this into your profile.


The reason I don't worry about society is:
nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands.
Hundreds of people ran into those buildings,
to save them.
I'll take those odds every fucking day.
--Jon Stewart


I got the questions from someone elses profile but I totally came up with the people on my list. if you want to see the other list then have fun trying to locate it.

Pick 11 twilight characters at random...

1. Jasper

2. Edward

3.Carisle

4. Mike

5. Seth

6.Alice

7. Emmett

8.Esme

9. Rosalie

10.Jessica

11. Bella

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? ya but they werent "together".

2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot? HELL NO!

3) What would happen if Eleven got Eight pregnant? I would be scared out of my mind.

4) Do you recall any fanfics about Nine? Yes.

5) Would Two and Six make a good couple? Well I always thought that they would. I dont care what anyone thinks.

6) Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Seth/ Rosalie or Seth/Esme neither would be good. Rose doesnt like "dogs" and seth is too young for esme.

7) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and One in an awkward situation? Just look at those #s you tell me cause I'm LMOA! He would NOT shut up about it for weeks and then wouldnt stop 'thinking" about it for months.

8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten Fanfic Using at least twenty words. Carlisle is a very cute new doctor in town and Jessica goes in for a check up. They hit it off and he asks her out on a date. This would have to be an all human fanfic.

9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff? HELL NO!

10) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to go out with One? I dont think that would happen but I would have make feel very antsy so that jasper is like what the hell then mike would go up and ask him to prom. (sorta like how he asked Bella to the dance.) LOL)

11) What might ten scream at a moment of great passion? Uhhhh...? I think she would scream... Oh you are sooooo much better then mike.

12) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose? It would be an oldies song IDK! Like the LOVE song thats soooo old.

13) If you wrote a One/Six/Ten fic, what would the warning be? Um read at your own risk. Jessica walks "in on" them right before Bella's wedding. HAHAHA. They were in the middle of an "ackward" postion that alice looked up on google. lol well ithought it was funny.

14) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? It would be something stupid.she's an idiot. she wouldnt be able to speak to him. she would stutter like the true dumb ass she is.


~Jokes~

Glad to be drunk

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

The bride tells her husbandThe bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

10 Husbands, Still a VirginA lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. (I sooooo did this to my parents til they said shut the fuck up)

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Vampires in a Bar

It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.

At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."

"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.

"Thanks," he says, and leaves.

An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'.

An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..."

"I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?"

"Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please."

"Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?"

Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid.

"Tea time."

Church Bells

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

Last Day on the Job

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

The Big Flood

It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.

Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. "Heavenly Father," he said, "I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?" God gave him a puzzled look, and replied "I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

Really Good Deed

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.

He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either.

Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick.

Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.

So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"

"Er.. about two minutes ago."

When I was Young

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle.

Then I realized that God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.


This was awesome had to put it on here.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen

Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"

Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you

A good friend will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting next to you in your cell going "That was fun! Should do that again!"

Good friends dont let you do stupid things, BEST FRIENDS don't let you do stupid thing ALONE

Good Friend: Knocks politely at your door BEST Friend: Walks right on in and shouts ‘I’M HOME’

Good Friend: Will bail you out of jail BEST Friend: Will be sitting on the bench next to you saying ‘Damn that was fun! Let’s do it again!’

Good Friend: Will help you cry when you are rejected by a boy BEST Friend: Will go up to the boy and say ‘Its because you’re gay, isn’t it?’

Good Friend: Asks nicely for your stuff BEST Friend: Shouts ‘GIMME!!’

Good Friend: Waits to call you until a reasonable hour BEST Friend: Calls you at 2 in the freaking morning

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

Friend: Will help me learn to drive Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will go to a concert with me Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.


(If you dont cry or feel your throat close up by reading this then you are sooooo heartless.) D':

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen.

I cannot see,

I must be stupid,

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My parents so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong

I can’t speak at all

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long.

When I'm awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My parents aren’t home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the far wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He’s already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I’m sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

with unimaginable hate

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

If you are against child abuse put this poem on your profile!


MP3 SHUFFLE (put your ipod or whatever on shuffle and answer the questions)

1. How does the world see me?

Take this to heart- mayday parade

2. Will I have a happy life?

control-metro station

3. What do people really think of me?

Apology (aucostic)- Alesana

4. Do people secretly lust after me?

say goodnight- bullet for my valentine

5. How can I make others happy?

giving up-silverstein

6. How can I make myself happy?

two birds stoned at once- chiodos

7. What should I do with my life?

vemon-my chemical romance

8. Will I ever have children?

paper wings-rise against

9. What is some good advice for me?

story of the year- story of the year

10. What do I think my current theme song is?

kiss me- new found glory

11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

breakdown-forever the sickest kids

12. What song will play at my funeral?

maybe memories- the used

13. What type of men do you like?

vulnerable- secondhand serenade (WOW)

14. What is my wedding day going to be like?

best friend-chiodos

15. Why am I here?

love with caution- silverstein

16. What will people remember me for?

terrorfied-story of the year

17. What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?

happy endings-all american rejects

18. Are there people outside waiting to take me away?

sermon-drowning pool

19. What will this year be all about?

shake it- the maine

20 - If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream:

ghost- the academy is...

21 - The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:

last resort-papa roach

22 - Your message to the world:

Lightness-death cab for cutie

23 - Your deepest secret:

Black cat-mayday parade

24 - Your innermost desire:

The way we talk-the maine

25 - Your oldest memory makes you think:

stop and stare-one republic

26 - Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:

passenger seat-death cab for cutie

27 - When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:

After the world-diciple

28 - Right now, your feelings are:

lexington-chiodos

29 - The day you fall in love will be the day that:

Dakota-a rocket to the moon

30- You’d describe you best friend as:

shake it-metro station

31- You'd describe yourself as:

Broken strings-james morrison

32- Your friends describe you as:

forever-papa roach

33- In an elevator you are most likely to:

stay-my chemical romance

34- Your philosophy in life is:

face down (aucostic)- red jumpsuit apparatus

35 – Your farewell message to the readers of this:

I wanna- all american rejects


Month one:
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two:
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three:
You know what Mommy: I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four:
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five:
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby, Mommy. Your baby.
I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six:
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle. Mommy, what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop! I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven:
Mommy, I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
One more professional murder.

If you're against abortion, re-post this


First..get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know and go with your first instinct.
Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it!
1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.
2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want.
3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex.
4. Write anyones' names (like friends or family...) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots.
5. Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10, and 11. (Go with your instincts!)

And now the key for the game...
1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game. (26)
2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love. (little loki)
3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out. (EvilMentalHamster)
4. You care most about the person you put in 4. (A is for Angel)
5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well. (maximumchrisyt)
6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star. (wolverine101)
7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3. (too far gone)
8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7. (dakota)
9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind. (kelsy)
10. 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life (vulnerable)

My Results: (i gave them their pen names on fanfic on this list.)

1.54 (what was this # for?)

2.26 (thats alot of people. how bout if you read this you count as one of the people. lol)

3.Little Loki (ummm... wow. this is interesting)

4.A is for Angel (this is a possiblity she is younger then me and like a little sister)

5.maximumchrisyt (she might know more then some.)

6. Wolverine101 (wtf does lucky star mean?)

7. EvilMentalHamster (I suppose that is true)

8. too far gone (all american rejects) (no way is this song related to how i feel about that person. this song is about heart break.)

9.dakota (a rocket to the moon) (Alright i suppose this could be that song)

10. Kelsy (metro station) (IDK if this song fits with that)

11.Vunerable (secondhand serenade) (yes this is true i suppose)


FRIENDS: Try to help you when you get hurt

BEST FRIENDS: Sit there laughing their ass of saying, "Dude, you're an idiot!"

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella

BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'


Quotes:

"I'm not crazy. I'm psychotic. There's a difference."

"There's nothing that can't be fixed with: duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over."

"My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you all at the same time."

"Dream as if you'll live forever... Live as if you die today."

"Don't get mad; get sadistic."

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"

"Common sense is the enemy of comedy."

"Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART."

"My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am."

"Knowledge is power; power is the root of all-evil. Therefore studying is evil."

"I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!"

"You know what?! Earth sucks, I'm going home."

"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity."

"If you laugh I will laugh. If you cry I will cry and if you jump out a window...I will laugh."

"your a great friend but if the zombies come I'm tripping you."

"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable; like a coma?"

"What is this 'kindness' you speak of?"

"Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking."

"Do you love me because I am beautiful? Or am I beautiful because you love me?"

"They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people."


Silence, Emptiness, And Confusion

by Bek

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.


Down Again

by Jenna

I've been pushed down so many times
I feel this time will be the last
as I lay here fading
my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past
I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building
as I lay here on the floor
I have no strength to get up
I'm not worth it any more


Her hair was up in a ponytail
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school,
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called,
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
Another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away."
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
He's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far."

You see he was a fireman
And died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
"It's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far

They say it takes a minute to find a
special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them, but
then an entire life to forget them.

Send this to the people you'll never
forget and remember to send
it also to the person that sent it to you.
It's short message to let them know that
you'll never forget them.

If you don't send it to anyone, it means
you're in a hurry and that
you've forgot your friends.
Take the time...to live and love.


FEMALE COMEBACKS!!
pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost
this...
If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity.

don't worry it doesnt work but repost anyway it funny


Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,

Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,

Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,

Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,

Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,

Calling me FAT wont make you PERFECT,

Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,

So why bother?


HERE ARE SOMETHINGS YOU ADDICTS CAN STEAL FROM ME! LOL!

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

.eliforp ruoy otni etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.

Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever busted a move or burst into song for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think rap is the most awful thing to ever be called "music," and that rappers are wanna-be's who are being paid to make fools out of themselves and can't even sing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe that, in another dimension, Johnny Depp actually is Captain Jack Sparrow, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever heard of International Talk Like a Pirate day, copy this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are strangely obsessed with these copy-paste things, copy and past this into your profile.


The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

fang's 'little sis' by XxXGloomXxX reviews
full summary inside
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,607 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 12/30/2012 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Fang, Max
What could possibly go wrong? by A is for Angel reviews
Summary: Ever wondered what happened if Bella and Edward got a marriage licensure? Well come follow their story with the rest of the Cullen's. And a judge who can possibly break their relationship.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 11,224 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 11/11/2012 - Published: 12/20/2008 - Bella, Edward
Maximum Boarding School by LovelyVentures reviews
Max and the gang find themselves on an all new adventure called boarding school. Problems ensue as they face boyfriends, friends,enemies, and roommates they can't stand. Major Fax and other relationships too.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 49 - Words: 87,172 - Reviews: 1287 - Favs: 330 - Follows: 301 - Updated: 8/17/2012 - Published: 8/5/2008 - Max, Fang
Bully: Attempt To Rise by Loki and Sasquatch reviews
Currently being revamped and rewritten. Subscribe! Btw, Rockstar just said that Bully 2 might be their next project after Max Payne 3! WOOT!
Bully - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 45,115 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 4/6/2012 - Published: 3/31/2009
Truth Or Dare by SingItForTheWorld reviews
What mischief will the Cullen kids get up to when their adopted parents go on vacation for a week..
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,412 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/20/2009 - Published: 6/4/2009
Teletubby Tales: The morning after by EvilMentalHamster reviews
What happened last night in the Tubby household. Warning: If you like the Tubby people, then be prepared for you're life to be turned on it's head.
Teletubbies - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 276 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/18/2009 - Complete
Horton hears a Who, so what does he do by EvilMentalHamster reviews
... hey i could be Dr.Seuss.
Horton Hears a Who - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 251 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Published: 6/17/2009 - Complete
Little Bo Peep's mishap by EvilMentalHamster reviews
Little Bo Peep gets ready for the dance.
Toy Story - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 80 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/17/2009 - Complete
Life of Brian Griffin by EvilMentalHamster reviews
The life of Brian song from Monty Python adapted to Family Guy.
Crossover - Family Guy & Monty Python - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 148 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/17/2009 - Brian G. - Complete
Downfall by Madame Meg reviews
When Bella unwillingly marries King Edward, she starts searching for ways out of the marriage, unbeknownst to him. However, she soon finds herself embroiled in deceit as she learns she has a stalker, and Edward might just be the only man she can turn to.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 3 - Words: 19,075 - Reviews: 286 - Favs: 246 - Follows: 324 - Updated: 6/6/2009 - Published: 9/14/2008 - Bella, Edward
Silence by St. Mayhew reviews
Danny's grown older, his two best friends have left him nearly two years ago and he still struggles with it. Slowly becoming a loner. UPDATED FINALLY! Bear with me, the chapters will get longer. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE SLASHY REVISION 3/5! updated 6-10-09
Danny Phantom - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,833 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 5/29/2009 - Published: 9/20/2006 - Danny F., Dash B.
Closure by Comicbookfan reviews
-Is that his mother? I've never seen her before. She's crying. So am I.- The Host Club gathers to pay their last respects to the person who held them together.
Ouran High School Host Club - Rated: T - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 608 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/3/2009 - Tamaki S., Kaoru H.
Maximum Parenthood by IdiotAmerica56 reviews
Maximum Ride and Fang get married, and decide to have a couple of kids! What could possibly go wrong? A whole lot, actually. [R&R][FAX]
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 17,568 - Reviews: 452 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 3/17/2009 - Published: 6/24/2007
The End of Thomas the Engine by EvilMentalHamster reviews
This is how it ends.
Thomas the Tank Engine - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 308 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Published: 3/9/2009 - Complete
Pokemon Cruelty by EvilMentalHamster reviews
Important lesson about Pokemon fighting.
Pokémon - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 221 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 8 - Published: 3/8/2009 - Ash K./Satoshi, Pikachu - Complete
The truth of Harry Potter by EvilMentalHamster reviews
This is what JK Rowling didn't want you to know.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 221 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Harry P., Ron W. - Complete
Blair Witch Project: The True Story by EvilMentalHamster reviews
This is the truth. ScreamFic
Blair Witch Project - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Complete
Poketragedy by EvilMentalHamster reviews
Ash has a very normal life, considering, but then it all goes wrong.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 320 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Ash K./Satoshi, Brock/Takeshi - Complete
You Deserve More Than That by super manako sohma reviews
The next thing I knew, Butters had flung himself on me, gripping me tight in a warm hug.“It’s not fine!” He screamed, 'it’s not fine at all! You deserve more than that, Kenny'" Fluffy Bunny.
South Park - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,472 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 7 - Published: 2/24/2009 - Butters S., Kenny M. - Complete
Tsao's Humility by No Longer Alive Hearts reviews
Whatever Happened to Tsao after he got arrested? Would he return to Panda King to learn humility like the old King? Better than it sounds. Mild OOCness
Sly Cooper - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,708 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/6/2008 - Tsao, Jing K. - Complete
The Prince's Double by super manako sohma reviews
What if Yuki lived a double life as the greatest celebrity in all of Japan? Is it ok to keep just one more secret in his heart?
Fruits Basket - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,931 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/20/2007 - Published: 11/17/2006 - Yuki S., Machi K.
ATTACK OF THE TINKYWINKIES by upton-dude reviews
This story is my first fiction and is supposedly funny.
Teletubbies - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 424 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 10/11/2004
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Half Moon reviews
this is new moon in edward's pov. hope you enjoy. it's my first fanfic.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,184 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 8/3/2009 - Published: 5/1/2009
snow white is a WHORE! reviews
snow white's a whore. read to find out more.
Väudîz tetralogía - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 123 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/2/2009 - Complete
The Gingerbread Man reviews
not really a telletubby fanfic.its a gingerbread man fanfic but they dont have that option.
Teletubbies - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 476 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/3/2009 - Complete
Maxs fails reviews
the end of the world and some one from the flock dies who and why?
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 777 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/2/2009 - Published: 5/2/2009
Soulmates? WTF? reviews
There's a new girl hangin around the flock. Is she Gazzy soulmate or is she a secret spy? Keep reading and find out.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Night World series - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 886 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/26/2009