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Author has written 6 stories for Maximum Ride, and +Anima.
random stuff about me! section
name: eh, i don't care. call me whatever the hell you want. black. wolfy. blackwolf. jack. ozzy-kins. princess puffle-wuffle. lord sapscrincher. axel. bluezie. really, it doesn't matter.
date of birth: march of 1993
i'm a kid at heart. i'm random, lazy, goofy, curious, easily amused, and easily bored. my favorite things to write are fantasy and humor, and of course any combination of the two. my sarcasm is probably my most memorable quality (it's my native language), but i'm also known as a notorious procrastinator, a manga/anime lover, an introvert, and a person with absolutely horrible eyesight. i'm also pretty OCD and have more than a little bit of pack-rat in my blood.
i also have the annoying habit of knowing what i want to happen in a story without taking the time to write it down. i mean, i usually write the beginning and random spots in the middle, but after that it's kinda hard for me to actually string it all together.
random fact! section
reindeer like to eat bananas.
a group of unicorns is called a blessing.
a group of rhinos is called a crash.
it takes eighteen red foxes to make a fox-fur coat.
it takes fifty-five minks to make a mink coat.
the name of frollo's horse in the hunchback of notre dame is snowball.
in france, 'april fool' is 'poisson d'avril.' (and 'poisson' means 'fish'. . .so, literally, they're saying 'april fish.')
the dot above the letter i is called a tittle.
twelve or more cows are known as a "flink."
the colored horses in the wizard of oz were given their color by putting gelatin in their hair.
the longest standing ovation lasted eighty minutes.
a group of foxes is called a skulk.
the inventor of the pull-tab top for aluminum cans was inspired by asking himself the question "what, in nature, opens easily?" he came up with a banana.
prior to the renaissance, the queen in chess moved only one square at a time.
filicide is the killing of one's own child.
a liger is an animal with a lion for a dad and a tiger for a mom; a tigon is an animal with a tiger for a dad and a lion for a mom.
a group of badgers is called a cete.
disney's snow white and the seven dwarfs was the first full-length animated feature ever made.
august first used to be colorado day.
a group of kangaroos is called a mob.
seventeen hours without sleep is the equivalent of having a point-oh-five blood alcohol level.
lollipop is the longest word you can type on a keyboard using only your right hand.
the velocity of an unladen swallow is twenty-four miles per hour.
a dot on a dice is called a pip.
stewardesses is the longest word you can type on a keyboard using only your left hand.
cold air can cause bad dreams.
aslan means lion in turkish.
a group of larks is called an exaltation.
fear of school is called didaskaleinophobia.
both captain hook and mr. darling were voiced by the same person (hans conried) in peter pan.
donald duck comics used to be banned in finland because he didn't wear pants.
wendy from peter pan and alice from alice in wonderland were both voiced by kathryn beaumont.
a group of owls is called a parliament.
73 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.
if you're 16, you've made it through 504,576,000 seconds of life. (and if you live to be 90, only 2,333,664,000 more to go. weird when you think about it in seconds, huh?)
nictitate is the technical term for blinking or winking.
august twelfth is middle child's day.
australia has twice as many kangaroos as people.
simba means lion in swahili.
detective john munch is the only fictional character to be played by the same actor (richard belzer) in seven different shows (homicide: life on the street; law and order; law and order: special victims unit; the x-files; arrested development; the beat; the wire).
the word aquiline means resembling or connected with eagles.
the longest name in the united states belonged to a philadelphian man by the name of adolph blaine charles david earl frederick gerald hubert irvin john kenneth lloyd marin nero oliver paul quincy randolph sherman thomas uncas victor william xerxes yancy zeus wolfeschlefelsteinhausenbergerdorffvoralternwarengewissenhaftschaferwessenshafswarenwohlgefutternundsorgfalugkeitbeschutzenvorangriefendurch-ihrraubgieregfeinds senior. (yeah. try squeezing that on a birth certificate.)
books: harry potter, maximum ride, bloody jack, mortal instruments, infernal devices, secrets of the immortal nicholas flamel, percy jackson and the olympians, heroes of olympus
manga: plus anima, fairy tail, saiyuki, black butler, ouran high school host club, 1/2 prince, kaichou wa maid-sama
movies: van helsing, the road to el dorado, how to train your dragon, harry potter, the prestige, any old disney movie, sherlock holmes, the avengers, rise of the guardians, wreck-it ralph
tv shows: buffy the vampire slayer, psych, monk, friends, castle, royal pains, white collar, covert affairs, franklin and bash, phineas and ferb, how i met your mother, avatar: the last airbender, legend of korra, young justice, grimm, doctor who, torchwood, merlin, once upon a time
anime: pretty much every anime i've ever seen. but top ones shall always be: code geass, ouran high school host club, soul eater, and gurren lagann.
animals: wolves, foxes, dogs, dragons, unicorns, griffins, birds. actually, i love all animals, real and fictional.
colors: any shade of blue, black, dark gray, darker greens, red
music: i've found i don't actually like particular bands. just a random mixture of a bunch of different stuff.
is it just me or did subletting my peep-hole sound kind of dirty? (chandler)
if the homo sapiens were, in fact, homo sapiens, is that why they're extinct? (joey)
now about these little women. how little are they? like, are they scary little? (joey)
d'you think there's a place, in missouri or someplace, called sample? and as you're driving into the town, there's like a sign that says you're in sample? (chandler)
"joey, do you think sharks are sexy?" "no. wait, what was the little mermaid?" (monica and joey)
if i'm gonna be an old, lonely man, i'm gonna need a thing, you know? a hook. like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. so i figured i'll be crazy man with a snake. you know, crazy snake man. and i'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids won't walk past my place they will run! "run away from crazy snake man!" they'll shout! (chandler)
"you know what, i think you're right. oh, wait, what was that? did you hear that? a. . .a pidgeon. . .no, no, wait, an eagle flew in. . .landed on the stove, and caught fire! the baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. the eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of agression, and grips the baby in its talons. meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water. baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment!" "boy are you gonna be sorry if that's true." (ross and rachel)
PSYCH (currently my favorite show. and most of these are shawn, unless otherwise stated.)
gus, don't be the only black lead on a major cable network.
dude, he's running! international sign of guilt!
"how do i look?" "like an idiot." "sweet." (shawn and gus)
"google 'missing foot'? that was your plan?" "well, not all of it." (juliet and lassiter)
that dog is kind of an a-hole!
you know, i don't know why he didn't just play dead. that's what i'd do if someone was tryin' to kill me. 'cuz they'd be all like, "we gonna kill you!" and i'd be like, dead. and they'd be like, "oh, wait, this guy's dead, let's go kill somebody else," and they'd leave! (june)
suck lemons, cookiepuss! you ain't gettin' nothin' outta me! (lassiter's mom)
your screen-name is bigkitty75?. . .what, seventy-four other bigkitties came before you?
"simba! i am your father!" "i don't think mufasa ever said that." "ah, mufasa, vader, i'm not rappaport, it's all james earl jones." "i'm not rappaport was ossie davis!" "it still works." (shawn and gus)
"well what the hell do poker chips smell like, shawn?" "they smell like butterflies." (henry and shawn)
here's the thing: i'm a psychic. so if i had to guess--which i don't--i'd say yes. yes i can mess with your head and i can put an entire sandwich in your hair.
"hello. collecting donations for the policeman's ball?" "we don't have balls!" ". . .i honestly have no response to that." (shawn and lassiter)
sir, if you don't calm down i will be forced to tase you in the face.
there are over four hundred stars in our galaxy. maybe more. no one knows for sure. many have said that the universe is even larger than the indian ocean. and that is why it is called: infinitum staroctopusium.
"you keep a little black book of people you've arrested?" "of course i do." (chief vick and lassiter)
"what purpose do tassels serve on shoes, gus?" "i don't know!" "i do. evil!" (shawn and gus)
i make people smell like plums and sunshine. yeah, i do that. (mccloud sinclair)
HOUSE (all house unless otherwise stated)
like i always say, there's no i in team. there is a me, though, if you jumble it up.
what the hell's a shen and how come it's lopsided?
candy canes? are you mocking me?
disappointment is anger for wimps.
this is the terrorist. do not attempt to call the police. . .or cuddy. (wilson)
well, when i do decide to push you away, i hope there is a small person kneeling behind you so you fall and hit your head.
"what is el fuego del amor, and why do you need ten of them?" "it's a telenovela. i'm learning spanish." "say adios." "are you erasing my tivo?! house, not the season finale!" "i don't negotiate with terrorists." (house and wilson)
"is that your british, stiff-upper-lip way of saying he's going to die?" "i'm not british, i'm australian." "you put the queen on your money. you're british." (house and chase)
"what are you planning?" "first, we take berlin. then we circle around behind poland and yell 'surprise!'" (cuddy and house)
good thing i brought my ax-cane.
it's oddly difficult to find a tailor in the dead of night. (mozzie)
"dorset said something about a girlfriend." "bridgitte." "yeah. . .how many bridgittes came in from france last night? (few minutes later) . . .counting for middle names and spelling variations a lot more than i thought." "well, we can discount connecting flights." "and women over fifty. (gets weird looks). . .tell me i'm wrong." (peter and neal)
you can't tell but right now, deep down, i'm petrified. (peter)
you are the ambassador of awesome. (dan pika)
"a new yorker who does not take the subway is not a new yorker you can trust." "i don't take the subway." "precisely." (mozzie and neal)
whatever i did i have proof that i didn't do it. (neal)
"how upset were the canadians?" "oh, very. well, as upset as they can get." (neal and peter)
i'll admit that i have done a lot of things that i'm not proud of. no, that's not true, i'm proud of most of them. (neal)
"i'm here for obvious reasons." "well of course. i mean, it's impossible to deny this tracy/hepburn thing between us. i do want you, mozzie." "please, control yourself." (mozzie and sarah)
he's a nudist! that's what they do, they. . .they throw microphones at people! (monk)
randy, there's no such thing as an opposite killer! if there was you'd've been killed by a falling rocket scientist years ago! (stottlemeyer)
stop calling me the prince of darkness! (monk)
sir, i need you to place that pie on the truck and step away, step away from the pie! (randy)
"where are you going?" "i haven't decided. i'm either going to buy a rail pass and bum my way through central asia or go to your place. i'm leaning toward your place." (natalie and monk)
"is she dead?" "as a doornail." "bummer." "yeah." (david ruskin and stottlemeyer)
i just sound deep. deep down, i'm very shallow. (gully)
damn joy! (monk)
"monk, there's a bathroom in the bathroom." "where do you want me to put it, mike? in the kitchen?" (mike and monk)
whoa, bambi in the hamptons. freaky. (evan, royal pains)
"so you're saying all women are whores?" don't be ridiculous. i don't know all the women in the world." (jeffries and munch, special victims unit)
and french canada without our wine is just. . .canada. (south park)
"do you see that? the bruising's lighter there. what would account for that?" "i'm not sure. maybe a broken finger." "or maybe he's fancy. sticks his pinky finger out to strangle people. like tea." (medical examiner and castle, castle)
"looks like a patient lost his patience." "also his control of grammar. "your" should be "you-apostrophe-r-e," as in "you are." that's not even a hard one, like when to use who and whom. whoever killed this woman also murdered the english language." (m.e. and castle, castle)
who actually names their kid "random"? no wonder he turned to a life of crime. (castle, castle)
don't ruin my story with your logic! (castle, castle)
"in fact, he performed a bypass surgery this morning. saved his patient's life. what did you do this morning, castle?" "i made waffles." (beckett and castle, castle)
"did jet just. . .die?" "you know, it was really unclear." (zuko and sokka, avatar: the last airbender)
it's a giant. . .mushroom. maybe it's friendly!! (sokka, avatar: the last airbender)
oh, come on. you make me sound so devious. (rex goodwin, yu-gi-oh 5d's)
i really don't like you. (jack atlas, yu-gi-oh 5d's)
so it's glue. you've sworn allegiance to magic glue. (jack, yu-gi-oh 5d's)
who the deuce are you? (jack, yu-gi-oh 5d's)
you mean the big scary rock isn't bringing us cookies? (crow hogan, yu-gi-oh 5d's)
quack, damn you. (jaime, mythbusters)
it's just a coincidence. (sousoke, full metal panic!)
"so i suppose you'll want children some day." "yes, very much." "my chances of siring any more offspring are practically nil since that bull trampled on my left stone in pampalona. but i got even with the beast. i grabbed hold of his oyster sack and he pulled me off for sixty meters." "okay, that never happened." "it's on youtube." (stanton and damien, franklin and bash)
"how do you know this guy?" "i have no recollection. and i think i would remember that mustache. it's quite impressive." (jared and stanton, franklin and bash)
even i can be frightened by my own greatness, so i find it difficult to stand in front of mirrors. (black star, soul eater)
well, technically i'm just a friar, so i can curse all i want, dammit! (carl the friar, van helsing)
this is the part where you run away. (shrek, shrek)
you mean i actually have frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads? (dr. evil, austin powers)
your metaphors are magical but could you shut the hell up please? (employee of the month)
you're about as maniacal as a box full of kittens. (the longest yard)
"it looks awful!" "that's because it's on you, dear." (merriweather and flora, sleeping beauty)
maurice! shame on you! can you not see that you've insulted the freak? (king julian, madagascar)
"d." "damnation." "e." "eternal damnation." "good." (frollo and quasimodo, the hunchback of notre dame)
"i thought i was the cute one." "no, you're the fat stupid one with the big mouth!" "what are you saying, exactly?" (hugo and laverne, the hunchback of notre dame)
"he said what?" "'oh, the shame of the polar bear who fears the water, no wonder we are shunned by our fellow bears, woe is us.' . . .it's what he said. kinda pathetic, really." (boris the goose and muk the polar bear, balto)
good balto! you took on the roughest, toughest, meanest tree in the forest! and you won, hey. (boris, balto)
"pocahontas, the tree is talking to me." "maybe you should talk back." (john smith and pocahontas, pocahontas)
yes, well, forgive me for not leaping for joy. bad back, you know. (scar, the lion king)
"will you cut that out?" "can't cut it out! it will only grow back!" (simba and rafiki, the lion king)
"yeah, be prepared! we'll be prepared! for what?" "for the death of the king!" "why, is he sick?" "no, fool, we're going to kill him." (banzai and scar, the lion king)
death awaits you with big, nasty, pointy teeth! (monty python and the holy grail)
"i'm charged with guarding the portal to another world, and you're asking me to just let you through?!" "yes. because--let's be honest--it's a field. look: do you see another world out there? no. you see a field. do you see anything nonhuman? no. and you want to know why? because it's a field!!" (stardust)
has your mind become as decrepit as your face? (stardust)
"oh sure, blame the bat, what the heck, we're easy targets." "what are you muttering about?!" "anastasia, sir. just wishing i could do the job for you, sir. i'd give her a ha! and a hy-aah! and then a whoooo-ah! and i'd kick her, sir." (bartok and rasputin, anastasia)
he took my balloons! (jack nicholson as the joker in batman)
you are a sad, strange little man. and you have my pity. (buzz lightyear, toy story)
"i mean, you don't even say hi to me." ". . .hi." (bella and edward in twilight)
"what's happening here?" "we're both in barrels. that's the extent of my knowledge." (tulio and miguel, the road to el dorado)
"this is an outrage! you are a disgrace to your phylum, class, order, genus, and species!" "say it in english!" "you, sir, are an ass!" (grasshopper and centipede, james and the giant peach)
"you know about money, don't you?" "it can't buy happiness?" (bill parrish and joe black, meet joe black)
"so we have an address, a dry cleaning ticket, and a book of matches. you know what that means." "we can start a very small fire?" (elizabeth and david, just like heaven)
if you're gonna walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.
roses are red, violets are blue, some poems make sense, banana monkey glue.
when life gives you lemons, shut up and eat your damn lemons!
for every winner there are dozens of losers. odds are you're one of them.
you were meant for me. perhaps as a punishment.
when they write 'unknown' after a quote, it's probably only because they don't know how to spell 'anonymous.'
never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
cry me a river, build me a bridge, and jump!
eagles may soar, but weasels don't get hit by airplanes.
i tried sniffing coke. . .but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose.
dreams are like rainbows. only idiots chase them.
if a person with multiple personalities holds a gun to his head, can it be considered a hostage situation?
the person who said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
don't worry about the world ending today. it's already tomorrow in australia.
whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an s in it?
dragons without hoards are nothing more than scaly failures. (choice of the dragon)
"how long do i have?" "i don't know, how allergic are you to cinnamon?" "well, i've been married to you for fifteen years, so not very." "then. . .about five hours." ". . .i can get a lot done in five hours. i'm going to go take another shower." (jeff and heather, drew carey's improv-a-ganza)
parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell. (emily dickinson)
"and you'd better sleep with one eye open." "why?" "so he can poke it!" (me, my brother, and my uncle)
oh, i like this next one: 'infertility may be inherited.' how?! i mean, really, how?! (jay leno--he was reading a headline from the newspaper)
"do you have a principle that guides your life?" "yes. always suspect the worst of others. you'll rarely be disappointed." "do you think you can be a little more positive?" "yes. always expect the best of others." "there you go." "and watch as your hope is crushed like crackers in a fat man's bed." "nevermind." "and the fat man is angry. and the fat man has a sledgehammer. and the fat man is yelling, "die, crackers, die!!"" (pearls before swine)
when you're narcissistic, you really think you are the. . .cat's meow. the bee's knees, if you will. (my psych 2 teacher)
aw, he's sad. poor totalitarian dictator. (my history teacher. we were watching this movie about world war two and it showed how hitler was all pissed when jesse owens won that race.)
feathers shall raise men even as they do birds, toward heaven--that is by letters written with their quills. (leonardo da vinci)
write drunk, revise sober. (the poet's motto, of course)
erre es korakas, blinky! i will have your soul! (dionysus, percy jackson and the olympians)
"do you know about the cuckoo bird, jonathan morgenstern?" "the what?" "the cuckoo bird. you see, cuckoos are parasites. they lay their eggs in other birds' nests. when the egg hatches, the baby cuckoo pushes the other baby birds out of the nest. the poor parent birds work themselves to death trying to find enough food to feed the enormous cuckoo child who has murdered their babies and taken their places." "enormous? did you just call me fat?" "it was an analogy." "i am not fat." (inquisitor and jace, mortal instruments)
never doubt my weaseling abilities, shadowhunter, for they are epic and memorable in their scope. (magnus bane, mortal instruments)
"this is an A-B-C-D conversation, so you can go F-off!" "you skipped E." "you can F-off too!" (two kids from my french 3 class)
i mean, i care for the carpet, but. . .i miss my coffee. (my ap stats teacher)
it'd be like saying, "i'm eighty-seven percent in love with you." well, where's that other thirteen, skippy?! (ap stats teacher)
you can't have a negative pulse. that would probably be bad. (ap stats teacher)
that's pretty tacky decoration, your head. (sanzo)
don't make me drop your holy ass! (gojyo)
please just die! (yaone)
"you climbed up here?" "and tore my robes in the process, thank you." (kougaiji and sanzo)
"i like pickin' things up when they fall." "how hobo of you." (gojyo and sanzo)
this is our side--come hell or high water. (dokugakuji)
great. that shithead just offed us. (sanzo)
you know what? i can't tell if you're brilliant or retarded. (ken'yuu)
you little creep! you killed us! you suck! (goku)
a person's life is like a cigarette. once it's burned out, well, it turns to smoke and disappears. bearing the burden of taking life. . .it's like inhaling the smoke into your lungs. you keep doing that and your lungs turn black. that's your karma. (jikaku)
as long as you're alive, there'll be plenty of sunsets for you to watch. (sanzo)
do you know why gods like us live in the heavens? it's not to look down, hon. we're only meant to watch. we can see the ones who were born to live. (kanzeon bosatsu)
character factoids! section
um, thought i might as well do some OC profile thingies. it'll be subject to change as new stories pop up/old stories progress.
NICOLE "SPARK" ACKERLY: a 15-year-old mutant bird hybrid, she escaped Itex at the age of 5 and was adopted by the Ackerly family (who are actually her true family) at the age of 6. dirty-blond hair, golden-brown eyes, 15-foot wingspan of a changeable hawk-eagle (if you don't know what that is, google it), and multiple scars that i won't list here now. her abilities include incredible memory, super-zoom eyesight (a.k.a. "hawk eyes"), gills, and ability to control lightning/electricity. it turns out she was created for the Factory, an itex branch located in chicago, as the leader of a team that was going to steal information from other branches of itex; however, she ran away before she and her group were fully grown. (the team--the "anti-flock"--was very pissed about it.) she's recently picked up the nasty habit of getting kidnapped on a regular basis.
DYLAN "SY" WESTERFIELD: a 16-year-old mutant fish hybrid, he rescued spark from the salt lake lab. silvery-blue hair, dark blue eyes, silver-blue fish tail and chestplate when he's in the water. his abilities include speed (in both running and swimming), lock-picking, code-cracking, and healing. the first successful male fish/human hybrid and the son of the leading doctor in the fish/human area, he's called "project poseidon" by the scientists and "sy" by his friends. his healing ability uses water, and whenever he activates it an alter personality, "dylan," is triggered, and sometimes takes over. when this happens, sy's eyes turn red; the only known cure is to expose him to copious amounts of cark.
CONSTANTINE ("CON"): a 17-year-old mutant bird hybrid, he is the leader of the anti-flock. jet-black hair, steely gray eyes, 17-foot wingspan with gray-black wings. his abilities include torturing people with his mind. he took over as leader when spark escaped and is a trained fighter originally from russia. when they were kids, he and spark were best friends, and though he once wanted to capture/kill spark for various reasons, the two have come to a rocky brother/sister type relationship (much to the dismay of cark fans). NOTE: originally created by blackberry01.
BLAZE: a 16-year-old mutant bird hybrid who is second-in-command of the anti-flock. spiky black hair with a red streak, blue eyes, 16-foot wingspan with orangish wings that fade to red at the tips. her abilities include controlling/creating flames. she is very tempermental and tough and her eyes turn silver when she's angry. she also hates spark with a fiery burning passion. and. . .well, she used to hate iggy. . . NOTE: originally created by 11Twilightcrazy.
SWIFT: a 14-year-old mutant bird hybrid, he is actually 3.6892 percent bird as opposed to the "regular" two percent (resulting in talons for feet). blond hair, gray eyes, 14-foot wingspan with brown wings. he has no definitive abilites yet, but he is very calculating, cynical, kinda paranoid, has quick reactions and is not very talkative. he is also good with electronics. NOTE: originally created by FireHawk43.
SHADOW: an 8-and-a-half-year-old mutant bird hybrid who is youngest among the anti-flock. blond hair, brown eyes, 10-foot wingspan with wings that are gray with white spots. his abilities include blurring over memories in others' heads. he is very agile and likes to curse but is very charming around adults. NOTE: originally created by amongthewinged.
AVIA "AVI" FOSTER: a 13-year-old mutant bird hybrid who was kidnapped by itex at the age of ten. black hair that is red at the tips, blue eyes, 13-foot wingspan with wings that are gray with black tips. her abilities include taking memories from others' minds and nudging emotions in certain directions. she first escaped at the age of twelve but was captured again almost right away, and was unwillingly following con and helping itex. NOTE: originally created by GrimmGurl4Lyf3.
LEANDER: a 17-year-old human (apparently) who is one of the very last remnants of the itex corporation. white hair, pearly eyes, and the odd ability of being able to "see" things that are happening very far away. it's been established that he's a psycho creepy stalker, and i think i speak for everyone when i say i'm glad he's dead.
flying raccoon status! section
some people have plot bunnies. i have flying raccoons of inspiration.
why flying raccoons? long story. originated back in elementary school, when a friend and i made up a story to explain the hole in the ceiling of the stairwell. plus, it just sounds cool.
but anyway, i have many multi-colored flying raccoons. only four are of concern to you people reading this:
curse of the werewolf: lost. he was very flighty and vague to begin with, and that came back and bit me in the ass.
when sparks fly: after a heart-wrenching good-bye scene, i released this particular raccoon (i called 'im general mcsquizzy) into the wild.
when they chase us: lieutenant fuzzytail, after a long and tumultuous career, has retired and gone to live with his brother, general mcsquizzy.
when evil lingers: yeah, i'm workin' on it. private squeakpants has a long way to go.
um. . .that's about it. but before i go, some things to remember:
write drunk, revise sober; it's rude to tackle people; try not to throw up, 'cuz it's icky and unpleasant; retardation is a relative idea; and every time kaiba smiles, a puppy dies.