saucy.oatmeal
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Joined 04-29-09, id: 1918792, Profile Updated: 09-15-10

Hi. I'm saucy.oatmeal. If you're wondering if I like oatmeal, I lurrrrve it. My username actually comes from this wonderfully, hi-larious, make you laugh so hard you pee your pants, Twi-fic that I read called "I Wanna Eff You Like a Masochistic Lion" by Feisty Y. Beden. It is full of fuckawesomeness. So if you like Twilight and want to laugh or maybe kill your braincells, please read it! :)

Things to know about me:
-college student.
-major: undecided.
-hobbies: eating, sleeping, reading, youtube.
-likes: laughing really loud, mexi-CAN food, foreign languages, baby animals. :3
-dislikes: my own general lack of motivation, when people don't organize things correctly, tweens.
-currently obsessed with: anything to do with anime, manga and ff, Joe Manganiello (seriously, this dude is HOT).

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Tropic of Virgo by In.a.blue.bathrobe reviews
He's a young but jaded musician writing lyrics for his band, and she's a naive, frustrated poet looking to break out of her shell; their words collide online. What happens when they meet in high school, unaware of their literary connection?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 38 - Words: 150,800 - Reviews: 19950 - Favs: 12,637 - Follows: 5,321 - Updated: 9/9/2013 - Published: 3/4/2009 - Complete
Last Tango in Forks by AwesomeSauce76 reviews
Bella Swan has spent a lifetime putting everyone else's needs before her own. Could a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger begin to change all of that? AU/AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 33 - Words: 189,639 - Reviews: 16088 - Favs: 8,616 - Follows: 5,652 - Updated: 1/12/2013 - Published: 4/23/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Lions Eat Lambs by Raggdolly reviews
A camping expedition goes awry when Bella's friends disappear. While searching for them, she stumbles upon the manor of Edward Cullen, unaware that she is about to become a pawn in his dangerous game - a game she can't afford to lose. AU/OOC/V&H
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Horror - Chapters: 9 - Words: 45,540 - Reviews: 689 - Favs: 845 - Follows: 485 - Updated: 7/5/2012 - Published: 2/16/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Leaves of Grass by Nauticalmass reviews
After returning from Italy, Bella's not sure if she can still love Edward. The next morning, she awakens in an unimaginable time and place: Houston, 1862. When she encounters a member of the Cullen family as a human, how far will she follow her heart? B/J
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 95,475 - Reviews: 5606 - Favs: 3,904 - Follows: 1,670 - Updated: 12/8/2011 - Published: 12/14/2010 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
What Matters by Strae reviews
After one horny night alone with a webcam, Edward enters a surprisingly intimate friendship with a stranger online. He someday plans to meet this 'Jazz' girl he's become so oddly enraptured with; too bad Jazz isn't exactly a 'girl'.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 73,750 - Reviews: 1613 - Favs: 1,074 - Follows: 1,359 - Updated: 9/10/2011 - Published: 8/12/2010 - Edward, Jasper
Daniel Gale: Cumming to America by Annetteskitty reviews
Nerdalicious Daniel Gale is saying goodbye to England and hello to the United States. Looking to reinvent himself, he is all too gratified by the corn-fed derriers of Americans. Daniel Gale/Twilight cross over, slightly crackfic, AU, AH, Prepare for Perv
Crossover - Twilight & Bad Mother's Handbook - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 27 - Words: 103,406 - Reviews: 4538 - Favs: 1,002 - Follows: 1,063 - Updated: 6/14/2011 - Published: 1/8/2010 - Bella
On the Double by MasenVixen reviews
It's Bella's first day on the job as a body double in the new Edward Masen film. First up? The sex scene...O/S for the Haiti Compilation. Rated M for lemons. AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 15,631 - Reviews: 1160 - Favs: 3,874 - Follows: 1,135 - Updated: 5/30/2011 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Bella's Dirty Notebook by tiffaninichole reviews
Bella keeps a notebook full of her dirtiest fantasies. One day while in a hurry to escape her domineering boss, she loses the raunchy book and is desperate to get it back before it falls into the wrong hands...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 26,292 - Reviews: 1439 - Favs: 1,475 - Follows: 1,674 - Updated: 3/30/2011 - Published: 4/15/2010 - Bella, Jasper
Walking in the Air by Pavarti reviews
Time line adjustment: Bella comes to Forks at the end of her Junior year and Jacob has already transformed. What would happen if Bella met her wolf first?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 36 - Words: 158,825 - Reviews: 1823 - Favs: 1,041 - Follows: 638 - Updated: 2/13/2011 - Published: 4/12/2010 - Jacob, Bella - Complete
How My Life was Ruined in 14 Days by moon.witche reviews
Bella has a plan. It's a detailed plan for her whole life. But in her quest for perfection, she has skipped certain high school experiences. With graduation fast approaching, Bella concocts a new plan – a plan to lose her virginity. BxE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 62,366 - Reviews: 3761 - Favs: 3,688 - Follows: 3,251 - Updated: 2/3/2011 - Published: 9/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Love in My Box by cosmoandmarvar reviews
Bella's an intellectual free spirit and Edward is a reserved, slightly geeky med student. They have a brief, but intense encounter on Sp Brk in Miami. Can they find true love through emails? There will be lemons and laughs. Look who's writing this!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 147,894 - Reviews: 8783 - Favs: 5,392 - Follows: 3,809 - Updated: 1/29/2011 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Just Dessert: A Short Story by S is for Psycho reviews
After her perfect life is shattered, all Bella wants to do is move on, but a certain skeleton just won't stay in its closet and what started as a normal night on the town soon turns into a deadly game of cat & mouse. OOC/Mush&Sap-Free/AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,336 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 10/27/2010 - Published: 10/12/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Raw and Rosy by tuesdaymidnight reviews
Jasper Hale hates his high school rival Edward Cullen with a passion. What happens when Jasper discovers Edward's little secret? Spank!Fic. AH/AU/OOC. Rated M. Contains mature content.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 19 - Words: 91,100 - Reviews: 3534 - Favs: 2,207 - Follows: 1,369 - Updated: 10/23/2010 - Published: 6/6/2010 - Jasper, Edward - Complete
Breathe Again by ysar reviews
If Alice hadn't seen Bella cliff-dive, what would have happened? Would Bella have given in to her feelings for Jacob? Was she even capable of moving on? Victoria's hunting, Edward's coming back-and that's just the beginning!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 76 - Words: 177,679 - Reviews: 6748 - Favs: 2,273 - Follows: 1,847 - Updated: 9/11/2010 - Published: 11/11/2008 - Bella, Jacob
For the Summer by camoozle reviews
Every year Bella waits for the 'Pay Checks' to roll into her sleepy river town and every year Edward's hers, just for the summer. AH, AU, OOC, B/E
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 176,780 - Reviews: 8736 - Favs: 7,240 - Follows: 3,823 - Updated: 8/19/2010 - Published: 4/30/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Daniel Gale: Cum Shots by Annetteskitty reviews
Oddball outtakes and alternative POVs from Daniel Gale: Cumming to America. Who knows what delights you might find in here?
Crossover - Twilight & Bad Mother's Handbook - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,253 - Reviews: 234 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 8/16/2010 - Published: 3/14/2010
have u ebeh heardz uv clozin a gddaned doorz? by Miss Tearious reviews
Jezuz/judaz slash pairin.dai aer in luv
Bible - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,615 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/9/2010 - Published: 12/3/2008
Thirty Days by bananapancakes7 reviews
After a drunken bet with Emmett, Edward swears to abstain from sexual activity for an entire month. Bella isn't pleased. And temptation is a tricky bastard. AH. Rated M. B-day gift to queenofgrey.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 28,022 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 403 - Follows: 604 - Updated: 7/29/2010 - Published: 1/15/2010 - Edward, Bella
I Wanna Eff You Like a Masochistic Lion by Feisty Y. Beden reviews
I Wanna Eff You Like a Masochistic Lion B/c of Your Pools of Brown Diarrhea Eyes: The Worst Story Ever Told. Collab btwn Philadelphic, Feisty Y. Beden, & NelsonsMandela. M for mmmwrong. Welcome to the Sequel, Chilly's Song.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 24,947 - Reviews: 520 - Favs: 548 - Follows: 185 - Updated: 7/6/2010 - Published: 12/30/2009
Secret's In The Sauce by Lovin In The Oven Contest reviews
When Jasper signed his little sister Bella, and his best friend, Edward, up for cooking classes for the summer, he didn't realize that what he did would irrevocably change them all. One shot for the Lovin in the Oven Contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,932 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 32 - Published: 7/6/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Midnight Desire by Twilightzoner reviews
An All Human parody of Midnight Sun. AH, AU and consequently OOC. No blood lust - just uncontrollable human lust. Smut filled fun . . .
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 89,654 - Reviews: 5319 - Favs: 6,725 - Follows: 3,287 - Updated: 7/1/2010 - Published: 7/13/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Just Be by mskathy reviews
Edward has competed with Bella every step of his adult life - culinary school, opening their own restaurants and finally on Iron Chef America. Will Iron Chef Cullen's cuisine reign supreme?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,055 - Reviews: 236 - Favs: 395 - Follows: 95 - Published: 5/4/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Girl with a Red Umbrella by spanglemaker9 reviews
Co-Written w/ justaskalice. Paris, 1950. Rosalie Hale went to Paris to study, then vanished without a trace. Her friend Bella has come to find her. Following a trail of clues left behind by Rose's letters, Bella searches for Rose and might find herself.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 30 - Words: 156,197 - Reviews: 2017 - Favs: 1,749 - Follows: 772 - Updated: 4/16/2010 - Published: 10/4/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Red Strings of Fate by unicornhime reviews
AH AU When Edward finally gets the chance at getting the girl, he has no idea what to do, so he turns to a message board called The Red Strings of Fate. A story told in technology.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 40,376 - Reviews: 1024 - Favs: 752 - Follows: 424 - Updated: 3/9/2010 - Published: 6/18/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Surrogate Love by shwriteme reviews
Bella is a sexual therapist with unusual methods. When she goes on sabbatical to write a book, Dr. Hale calls in a favor and sends her a new patient. Bella must put aside her training and follow her instincts to help Edward overcome his difficulties.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 54,230 - Reviews: 600 - Favs: 798 - Follows: 1,088 - Updated: 2/1/2010 - Published: 4/1/2009 - Edward, Bella
Illicit Behavior by KristenLynn reviews
Entry for the Bridal Style smut-shot contest. Bella wants to spice up her sex life. When one of her fantasies is fulfilled, will it be all that she imagined or more than she bargained for? AU/AH, OOC. Rated M for language/lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,208 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 20 - Published: 12/17/2009 - Bella - Complete
Christmas With the Cullens by BlueIsSoul reviews
Ever since she can remember, Bella Swan has spent her Christmas with the Cullens. This Christmas its time to sort out those Edward related "complications". But what happens when Edward has a new introduction to make? Rating: Mature Pairing: EB, AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 64,691 - Reviews: 1485 - Favs: 1,746 - Follows: 980 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 12/4/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Readjusted by muggleinlove reviews
Bella is a single mom who was jaded by her exhusband, Mike. She is struggling to put her life back on track when she meets Edward. Edward is a hot shot corporate lawyer who has sworn off love and kids. What happens when the two meet at a club?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 101,792 - Reviews: 6487 - Favs: 4,804 - Follows: 2,274 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 2/9/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Best Physical Ever by spuntinsel reviews
A series of one-shots featuring Doctor Edward and Bella. It all starts when Bella schedules her yearly check-up with Dr. Cullen. Follows the couple through lemony events in their relationship. Hot and humorous.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,719 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 249 - Follows: 164 - Updated: 5/25/2009 - Published: 5/5/2009 - Bella, Edward
Making Love Out Of Nothing At All by ashel-13 reviews
Edward thought of Bella as just a friend, but Bella always felt more.That was 3 years ago and now she's ready to make Edward Cullen fall in love with her and make this the best summer of her life. All Human OOC Lemons Gall-lore! WARNING: NC-17
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 77 - Words: 291,632 - Reviews: 11602 - Favs: 8,371 - Follows: 2,510 - Updated: 5/22/2009 - Published: 2/8/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
New Moon the Parody by sugarhigh123 reviews
Sequel to Twilight the Parody. Read that one first before this! This gets funnier near the middle and end, so give it a chance please. Eclipse parody is now up!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,279 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 9/10/2008 - Published: 7/31/2008 - Complete
Eclipse the Parody by sugarhigh123 reviews
Sequel to "New Moon the Parody", 3rd part to "Twilight the Parody". Make sure that you read these two first before this one, or else you will be missing out on a lot. Very funny, check it out!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,543 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 7 - Published: 9/10/2008
10 Steps To Seducing Your Hot Virgin Vampire BF by halojones reviews
This story starts off after Edward rebuffs Bella's modest advances in their newly acquired bed in Edward's room. But things take a turn for the better for these two lovesick kids when Alice takes things into her own hands. Never bet against Alice!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 92,432 - Reviews: 5065 - Favs: 2,958 - Follows: 1,438 - Updated: 8/28/2008 - Published: 3/4/2008 - Complete
Twilight the Parody by sugarhigh123 reviews
Here is a parody of Twilight. I think it's pretty funny, but thats just my opinion... By the way, I LOVE twilight, so this wasn't meant to offend anyone. Both sequels now up!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,174 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 7/31/2008 - Published: 7/20/2008 - Complete
Attention, WalMart Shoppers by sillybella reviews
Edward has decided Bella needs protection. What kind ofprotection? The kind you can buy at Walmart. In the pharmacy.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,536 - Reviews: 1714 - Favs: 3,091 - Follows: 617 - Updated: 1/29/2007 - Published: 1/24/2007 - Complete