Thirteen times Zacharias fancies Susan, but doesn't do anything about it, and one time he does.

A hobbit in dire need of health insurance, a bumbling gardener, a senile wizard, a klutzy ranger, a prissy elf and a horny elf maiden with a speech impediment… it can only be a shameless parody of Peter Jackson’s movie trilogy!

settling back into the rhythm of things is the hardest part. post series.

When Harry Met Sally, mutant style. Prequel novel depicts early years at Xavier's, college-Scott, rise of the X-Men, why he and Jean fell in love, & the breakdown of a telepath when her powers explode catastrophically. No knowledge of X-Men needed.

This is a slight reworking of the first book of the "Twilight Saga" without all the purple prose, sickening Edward worship, and general bullcrap.

Jessica Stanley must deal with keeping up appearances, her slutty mother, amazing/annoying friend/zombies, being chubby, having "pent up anger", and falling in like with someone she hates. MikexJess

Helping Jacob and Leah get together was supposed to be the end of Embry’s involvement. He has his own life. Sort of. But being a pack means that the problems of one are the problems of all...and there seems to be a lot of problems. Blackwater, Embry's POV

If there were such things as endings, so few would be happy.

Nessie always knew Leah didn't like her, even when everyone else pretended it wasn't true. It just took her much longer than she thought it did to figure out why.

Peek into the intimate pages of Seth Clearwater's man-journal as he complains about life, love, and teenage shape-shifter angst. Post BD, canon-compliant, rating for language and sex humor...because Seth is a teenage boy.

Crack oneshot. Malcolm Baddock fails at office warfare, and Harry teaches his desk to speak.

Scott's enthusiastic about camping. No one else is.

American exchange students. Truth or dare. Sudden personality changes. Outrageous lemons. Author insertion. Two-dimensional OCs. Slash. Funfetti. A complete disregard for everything canon. All the Marauder cliches, plus as dash of insanity.

The Others come on a Monday. ToshOwen AU.

COWBOYS & INDIANS sequel. In the wake of their road-trip to Texas, Leah and Jasper have formed a nascent family -- but where does that leave Alice? And after all that's happened to Leah, can she still hope for even an approximation of normal life?

She's at the funeral. She's at the shop. And somehow, George just can't seem to stop himself from falling in love with her. Crap. George and Angelina... and the memory of Fred always in the background.

Maureen and Joanne go swimming. AU teen fic.

You can take Sirius out of the Blacks, but you can’t always take the Black out of Sirius. All four of them can see that, because none of them are blind. MWPP drabble.

A most extraordinary case. Crack!fic brought on by the end of finals week. Highly anachronistic Holmes humor. AU AND OOC!

Because even when there's a war, even when the sky is falling and you're so much older than you are, you still find the time.

When a certain elf and dwarf first agreed to join the Fellowship, they only promised to go as far as the mountain passes. At what point did they decide to keep going? Perhaps more importantly, why? A Lothlórien gapfiller featuring Gimli and Legolas.

Legolas is of the opinion that a certain ranger is taking far too long to start a simple campfire.

Lessons on the road in a journey through time. Existentialism, a Texas pow-wow, a '67 Mustang, a bar brawl, Pocahontas, and Jack Kerouac. Sometimes, family is chosen, even if they're not who we expect. Jasper, Leah & Seth, Edward

She really is freedom and flash and dangerous reckless youth, and he loves her down to the tread on her tires. Sirius Black dares.

The-Boy-Who-Almost-Died has to figure out what it means that he didn't. Harry's tumultuous 5th year at Hogwarts is Cedric's 7th and final. Bound together by shared trauma, both boys fall under Ministry suspicion ... Who is Cedric Diggory? Cedric!Lives AU

Embry doesn’t know who his father is. Or how Leah really feels about Jacob, at least that’s what he tells himself. Jacob says there are some things better left unknown. Embry might just have to disagree.

The world remembers a martyr, a painted icon with a golden halo. Lily Potter wasn’t that.

After the battle that never was, Leah has every reason in the world to storm off and never see Jacob again. So what if she's his beta now...no one even knows what that means. Too bad he's going to make them figure it out.

Leah Clearwater has enough problems without feeling guilty for running Jacob out of town. Helping him is definitely going to be unpleasant and uncomfortable. But if Leah can manage it, she just might be able to help herself. Post-Eclipse.

The time in between, he realizes things. ToshOwen

Ever wondered what our favorite little marten thinks of life, the universe, and the PLOT? Then this is the story for you...

After the war, Neville and Harry meet up to mock people and get drunk. It's a good life. Post-DH oneshot crackfic.

Loving people that fall through rifts in time and space is always a bad idea. Talking about it while drunk? Eh, maybe a little worse. ToshOwen.

I was doing homework, but I got distracted and accidentally wrote a parody of OotP--okay, it was just an excuse to watch it again. If you like spoofs that shamelessly rip on the material and people that bring us such joy, R&R. Or check out my GoF one.

My little dove,' she croons to her baby, 'it can be repaired.' Barty Crouch's mother picks up the pieces.

Seven times Peter Pettigrew's conscience nearly caught up with him.

"Of course it's missing something vital. That's the point." Dennis Creevey takes up his brother's camera after the war.

A series of oneshots focused on mothers in HP. Among them there are Molly, Lily, Dora, Mrs. Creevey, Mrs. Diggory, Mrs. Granger, Ginny and others. COMPLETE! Translated into French and Spanish. Go check the translations among my favourite stories!

Nineteen years before Lily Potter died to save her son, Silvia Lupin tried. The short and tragic human life of Remus John Lupin, 1960 1962. Oneshot.

Join our favorite Fellowship heroes as they continue the journey of missing scenes and missing thoughts in Moria. Sequel to the story While the Ring went south... Chapter 6: The Fellowship jumps holes, casts stones, and herds cats.

What do you do when you find a baby with your morning milk?

First take one ghoul. Stun it, and stuff it into pyjamas before it has time to struggle. Add red hair. Cover the final product liberally in large painful boils. What you produce using this method should be a perfect replica for a Weasley with spattergroit

Andromeda sings one last lullaby to her daughter. DH spoilers.

AU. This series of letters detail the life of Sméagol after the events of Return of the King as he struggles with his multiple personalities and attempts to find happiness in Mount Doom by marrying an orc and opening a Bed and Breakfast.

Ever wonder what Davy Jones' Thump Thump thought about his adventure through PotC2? Feelings, rejection, heartache? His diary tells all! Read and Review! Inspired by the line, 'Where is the Thump Thump' by Jack

Andromeda says little, but she sees everything. Through their years at Hogwarts, she watches her sisters as one falls in love and one falls into madness, and doesn't see as a muggleborn boy breaks into her sheltered life. Now Complete.

An essay about throwing 'blame' around when it comes to Thranduil and the Dwarves of 'The Hobbit.

It is Aragorn's turn to cook for the fellowship, much to a certain elf's consternation.

After Helm's Deep and Legolas finally excepts his feelings for a certain Dwarf.

A Gimli centric story. Ever wonder what Gimli was doing during the 'Hobbit'?

Tired of the usual Hermione Makeover stories and looking for something new? This isn't it.

Prior to their journey, the Fellowship remained in Rivendell for two months. Let them not be accused of "lounging around." Botched scouting missions, misunderstandings, and enemies home and abroad. Proof that when in doubt, things can ALWAYS get worse.

What happened after the Fellowship left Rivendell but before they came down off Caradhras? Behold the missing scenes.

The fic that spawned miniBalrogs, Elrond's Naturally Nine, the MorgothSauron feud, Urple, the WitchWall and finally, Gimli got the girl.

Cyclops -- on true love, prejudice and big multicolored British imports. '80 proof dry irony warning.