Author has written 16 stories for NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Glades, and Psych.
"2 am and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake, 'Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season.' As we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes, like they have any right at all to criticize. Hypocrites, we're all here for the very same reason.
"Hey now, this is my desire, consumes me like a fire and I just want something beautiful to touch me. I know that I am in reach, cause I am down on my knees begging for something beautiful." NeedToBreathe, Something Beautiful
"And if it looks like we were scared to death, a couple of kids just trying to save each other... you should've seen it in color." Jamey Johnson, Color
"So stand in the rain, stand your ground, stand up when it's all crashing down. You stand through the pain, you won't drown, and one day, what's lost can be found." Superchic, Stand in the Rain
"I will curse, I will pray, I'll relive every day, I will shoulder the blame, I will shout out your name. I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky, but I will not say goodbye." Danny Gokey, I Will Not Say Goodbye
"I see a dust trail following an old red Nova, baby blue eyes, and your head on my shoulder. Wait, baby don't move, right there it is. A T-shirt hanging off a dogwood branch, that River was cold but we gave love a chance. To me, you don't look a day over fast cars and freedom, that sunset, riverbank, first time feeling." Rascal Flatts, Fast Cars and Freedom
Me Ranting About 10 of My FanFiction Pet Peeves (Things that make me do anything from rolling my eyes to yelling at the author who I know can't hear me). OR- What Not to do When Writing a Fan Fiction.
UPDATE: As I have been thinking of more things that tick me off, this has progressed far beyond 10, but I think it sounds better with 10, so I'm just going to keep it like that.
1. When newbies start their summaries with "FIRST FIC!! SORRY IF ITS A TERRIBLE SUMMARY!!" or anything along those lines. THIS DOES NOT MAKE US WANT TO READ IT.
2. Bad grammar and/or spelling- Look, this site is here so that anyone can be an author. But please, don't insult those of us who are actually aspiring to be authors by neglecting to press the tiny little button that says SPELL CHECK.
3. Stories that just go on and on and on and on and on. Anything more than 25 chapters, I can tell you right now without reading it that almost everyone is OOC and there's a baby somewhere.
4. Babies. Or children of any kind, really. Seriously, how many of you can actually picture Ziva David from NCIS pregnant? I sure as hell can't. If it's written well, and if it doesn't involve taking in orphans, sure, you're probably okay. But otherwise? No. Bad. Sit. Stay. Also, twins are rare enough as it is, but the amount of times I've seen triplets or quintuplets or whatever almost makes me want to gag. I mean, really? Spoiler aleart- NOT A GOOD PLOT LINE!
5. Paperclips. Ziva is an assassin I don't think paperclips are the only thing she could kill someone with! For those of you who don't read NCIS fiction, this is my term for cliche's. This is a place to be creative, so please...
6. When people use plots from other shows. I read a piece once (and I wont say what or by who... mostly because I don't remember) for NCIS, and the author basically took the plot of the Grey's Anatomy season 5 finale, and put NCIS's characters in it, and gave absolutely no credit. Who does that?
7. When people act like they know what they're doing when they don't. You are not cool. Don't say things if you have no idea what they mean. ESPECIALLY if you're only saying it because everybody else is.
8. When certain people have the audacity to post here. No offense meant to anyone, but I have read A LOT of fan fiction in my time. I have read every single one in existence for NCIS Tony/Ziva that has been marked as complete. So, if you have something in this combination of categories, I have read it. Let me tell you, whether you believe me or not, there ARE people on this earth who simply are not meant to be authors. I could name several pen names right off the top of my head. Honestly, did you let somebody read that before you posted it? Because you should have. If you did? They are NOT your friend. Or they're mentally challenged.
9. When people get idioms wrong. You see this a lot in NCIS, since Ziva is known for getting idioms wrong. However, if English is not your first language, you should check to make sure that they're right. If English IS your first language... have you been living under a rock?
10. Common spelling mistakes-
11. People who don't know what commas are for. They DO have a purpose. USE THEM WHEN NECESSARY.
12. Run on sentences. For the love of all that is holy, just put a freaking period in there somewhere. I would even settle for a comma in some cases.
13. In dialogue, commas, periods, question marks, etc. go before the second quotation
14. Use of leet speak and/or acronyms. Is it really that hard to type "you" instead of "u"? and "to" or "too" or "two" instead of "2"?
15. Lack of capitalization. The first letter of EVERY sentence should be capitalized. THE WORD "I" SHOULD BE CAPITALIZED. Proper nouns should be... you guessed it.
16. Mistakes in titles- All words should be capitalized, and... well... I'm not really sure what you were trying to accomplish by making it all caps... I mean honestly, yelling at me doesn't make me want to read your story more. It actually makes me roll my eyes an want to read it less than I already did.
17. When a new person is speaking you need to start a new paragraph. Mkay? So simple, a third grader could do it.
18. High school. Most people who take adult characters and put them in high school, don't even know what high school is like. Now, I don't know about where you go/went, but nowhere I know of actually has clicks. I mean, sure, they're there but it isn't like there's an invisible bubble around them. They do socialize with other people. Also, ALL guys are idiots, not just jocks. Cheerleaders rarely wear their uniforms, and when they do it's only for spirit on game days. They aren't allowed to wear them every day, because they can cost up to 300 dollars a piece. Geeks have friends, and not all of those friends are "geeks."
19. When people don't use proper grammar in summaries, bad summaries in general, and/or saying outright that it's a "bad summary but the story is better." None of these things help entice me to read a story.
20. Big, long paragraphs. They're hard to read, right? Or am I the only one who thinks so? Seriously, you know it's bad when someone looks at it and says "Yeah... no." If it goes longer than four lines, five at the maximum, you need to start a new paragraph. Like, now.
21. All bold/ italics. It just doesn't make sense. Italics are used to express what someone is thinking, or to emphasize something. Bold is pretty much only used to distinguish Author's Notes, because otherwise you can just use italics, and bold looks weird. There is no reason to use them for a whole story, it only confuses people.
22. Wrong ratings. A story rated M that really should only be T. An M rating doesn't make a story cool, it just means it's for mature audiences, and rating it M only means that you'll get less readers.
23. When I can read a story and I already know exactly what is going to happen. It's like I'm reading the same thing over and over and over... I think I said this one already actually... (I would just like to point out that as I was updating this, I'm pretty sure that I just read the same story four times. Posted by four different people. Posted at the same time.)
24. A distinct lack of dinosaur references. Naw, just kidding. Dinosaurs are awesome, but if one was used incorrectly in a story, I'd probably have some kind of prehistoria complex... or something...
25. OOC-ness- I can't stand it, I really can't. If you call yourself a fan of the show/book/movie/whatever, you should know how the characters act.
26. Being out of canon- Now, I understand that sometimes people want to be imaginative and say, "Oh, well what if..." and that's fine. But why, dear God WHY, would you make Gibbs and Abby a couple? If nobody's said it to you yet, let me be the first- EEEWWW!!!! That's just gross and wrong. They're all like, daddy/daughter, it's not romantic AT ALL. Of course, there are other examples, but that my biggest issue at the moment.
27. Not following the FF. net rules- It actually says, right there, NOT to post AN's as chapters. Just saying.
28. Uncreative pen names- not saying that they all suck, but ILOVENCIS123 is a little... in your face? I don't really know how to explain it, other than simply boring. Come up with something original.
29. Racism/prejudice/blatantly expressing political views in negative way/mocking a religion or culture that you know nothing about.
30. The same person posting over and over and over again. It's like, chill! Wait a day or two! It's worse when they're not even that good.
31. Characters bursting into song at random moments. Unless it's a musical (which is a whole other problem)... just... don't. It's HORRIBLE.
32. People getting offended by words like retarded. Chill. Two of my cousins have Autism, my Uncle has Down's Syndrom, I've had Turrets since I was 11, and one of my cousins is a lesbian. I use words like retarded and gay. Maybe that's not exactly politically correct, but really... Get a life.
33. I can't take you seriously when you end every sentence with an exclamation mark.
34. If you absolutely HAVE to use a kid in your story, make them an appropriate age. If you want your 3 year old to act 15, then make them 15. They can be gifted super-smart, sure, but seriously? Come on.
35. Too many adjectives in the same sentence. You don't have to throw it in our face the its a "very colorful noisy chipmunk." It just sounds better if you say something more like... "The colorful chipmunk was very noisy."
36. Repetitive use of the same phrase or word over and over again. Get a thesaurus or something.
37. ABBY DOESN'T DRIVE A HEARSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh. My. Gosh. There is one episode where she does call it a Hearse. But it's not. For future reference- Abigale Scuito, NCIS Forensic Scientist and Ballistics Expert extraordinaire, drives a red, 1934 Ford Coupe.
38. Yes you CAN be sarcastic on television. It's true. Tony DiNozzo does NOT ACTUALLY HAVE a hairy ass. Ziva was JOKING. Oh jeez oh man... It was a good Tiva moment. That's it. Ziva says that he get's a three out of five for excessive hair, right? Well then Tony says-
39. You really really really really don't have to put up 845681758467105 million thousand gazillion one-shots up up in a day. Seriously. Please don't. Ever. Please. If you (for whatever reason) end up writing like, 30 shorts in a day, then start a multi-chapter of just one-shots. IT'S REALLY EASY!!! I PROMISE!!! This has been brought about by frustration with a certain person who I'm a little sick of seeing 50000 posts from every day. If you know what I mean, then we're good, but if you don't... please for the love of all that is holy, just do me this one favor? (Just realized that I have this one already, but I'm keeping both. This needs to be emphasized.)
40. If you're going to put a quote in your story, make sure you get the quote right. It pretty much defeats the purpose if it's wrong, and it makes you look pretty dumb.
41. You could at least TRY to keep them in character. An effort is really all I'm asking. Seriously.
42. I don't know about you, but I've never known someone to go through a traumatic experience and end up in a comma. A coma, maybe... but I don't really understand how a person could become a form of punctuation...
43. If, for whatever reason, you find yourself forgetting to put necissary words in a sentence, you probably shouldn't be writing... or at least you shouldn't be writing in a language that you don't speak. For example: "She found at doorstep late night," should probably be something more like, "She found herself at his doorstep late that night." YOU ARE NOT YODA.
44. You're supposed to put a space after the comma too. Just in case you failed second grade grammar or something...
45. Saying something like, "REVIEWS MAKE ME WRITE FASTER!!!!!" does not make me want to leave you a review. It makes you sound conceited and it usually signals someone who's writing isn't very good but for some reason they think it is. This is also a blatant lie. No matter how many reviews you get, you are still going to write at the same pace, and everybody knows it. Nobody really honsetly cares that much about how fast the next chapter comes to leave a review. I, personally, only review if it was amazingly super magnificently awesome, or if I feel bad that it was so bad and I want to try and help. Or I'm in a pissy mood and I just want to flame a little, (but I promise this rarely happens, I'm actually pretty nice. Sarcastic, but nice... I hope).
46. People who flame for no reason. It's mean and rude and disheartening and all around just not nice. I'll admit to flaming once in awhile myself. Everybody has, but there is no reason to do it on a regular basis, or to a perfectly good story.
47. In addition to number 3, There is a certain art to writing a series. Now, I'm not talking about sequels and prequels and sequels and sequels here, I mean, full out 3 to 7-or-more chaptered stories. Okay, so, no? Yeah. No. you shouldn't delve into this strange and complicated world unless you intend to see it through and not make yourself look like a fourth grader who never became literate and is about 12 years behind the rest of their class. Let's see, shall we?
48. FINISH THE FRIGGIN' STORY!!!!! AAAHHH!!!!!!! You started it, you need to FINISH it!!
49. Yeah, it's true, people like virtual cookies. Don't be hatin' 'cause you've got no imagination. We, as fictionites, are quirky people. Quirky people that make up words like fictionites and enjoy virtual cookies. Either accept that you are one of us, or take up stamp collecting, you freakin' nit. (
50. OMG!! I DON'T HAVE ANOTHER THING RIGHT NOW, I'M JUST SO EXCITED THAT I GOT TO FIFTY!!! :D
51. ^^^ Keeping that there... Anyways, In reference to number 47.3, if you are getting comments saying that you need a beta, or that it's confusing or your plot needs work, or even flames, and YOU DON'T LISTEN!?!?! STOP. FREEZE. Hold. Up. There is a reason for these things. If someone suggests a beta, get one!!We are (pretty much) all friends here, we want you to succeed!! It is my belief that all writers, no matter how talented, should use a beta. (Hypocritical, I know, but that's just because I'm lazy, I'm not saying I don't need one) But if people are telling you to get one, you should. Or stop completely. But don't just keep going! There is a reason for this!!! Suck up your stupid pride and ask for some friggin' help.
52. This is directed towards reviewers- DON'T LIE. Oh. My. God. So, I was just browsin'... ya know. And I find this story, 4 chapters, 20 reviews. Okay, so generally, stories with a lot of reviews tend to be really good. But, WHAT THE HECK!?!?! One of the worst pieces of crap I have ever read, and every single review said, "OMG THIS IS AWESOME!" "PLEASE UPDATE SOON!" "YOU'RE SUCH A GREAT WRITER!" Seriously? You would rather tell them that they're great, than risk hurting their feelings and suggesting a beta? SERIOUSLY!?!??? IF THEY SUCK, TELL THEM THEY SUCK. You don't even have to be mean about it, just tell them!!! For all our sakes.
Like I said, I'm not a psycho TV freak or anything (LIES)... I enjoy reading as well. So much, in fact, that I don't have the energy right now to even begin to pick out my favorite books. So there.
(UPDATE) Yeah... I don't really think I'll ever have the energy for that.
(UPDATE) My very absolout, could read it over and over favorite book is actually The Catcher in the Rye. Some of the best philosophy ever written down is in that book.
Important Life Questions:
- Why aren't "should've" and "could've words?
I hereby reserve the rights to all original ideas present in all of the below stories. If it doesn't belong to the actual show/author, it belongs to me, so no copycats.
I also reserve the right to make readers laugh, cry, gasp, head desk, and/or experience odd sensations of mutant fluff invading their brains.
I also also reserve the right to use any and all made up words and/or phrases made by me.
And Dinosaurs? They're cool.
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