BarnumOnTheBrain
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Joined 05-06-09, id: 1925680, Profile Updated: 11-30-13
Author has written 36 stories for Twilight, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Merlin, and Lord of the Rings.

Find me on tumblr where I blog and cry and also sometimes write snippets of fanfiction there too.

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His Cutest Bodyguards by LuxaLucifer reviews
"Are you sure they like me?" "Yes, love, I am sure." Elrond watched his twins run around the room with an expression of almost unbearable uncertainty. "How can you know?" Elrond/Celebrian Fluff
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 668 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/13/2013 - Elrond, Elrohir, Celebrian - Complete
A Love Hate Relationship by floatinginthenightsky reviews
A series of one-shots about our favourite Escort and Mentor. Disclaimer - Any characters, places, or otherwise are property of Suzanne Collins. If any character belongs to me it will be referenced in the Author's note for that respective chapter. These are not in order. [Set to complete as I am done with one-shots for the time being]
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 41,927 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 2/28/2013 - Published: 7/29/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A.
Elrond's Demand by Truskawkowy Elf z Mongolii reviews
When his lord demands a kiss, Rochëru is trapped between his promise and desire to fulfill his wish. Elrond&OC. Short. It's just a kiss but it's steamy so T to be safe. Give it a try and I might write more if you like.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 466 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/3/2013 - Elrond - Complete
Oh Those Leather Pants! by ClumsyCapitolUnicorn reviews
Haymitch.Effie.Leather pants. How does this work out? Inspired by Rumples famous leather pants on OUAT and I wrote this after someone asked how Effie would react if Haymitch donned these pants. Rated T because this could carry on. Dedicated to the Hayffie Tag on Tumblr.
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,686 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 12/21/2012 - Published: 9/27/2012 - Haymitch A., Effie T.
As the light grows dim by Mettemorphose reviews
What happens when someone who's lost everything bumps into someone who seems to have everything? I'm not really a Hayeffie shipper, but it seemed like such a good idea at 3 o clock last night, so I wrote this spicy piece of oneshot.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,680 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/17/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
The Arrogant Heart by xXfireXflyXx reviews
Prequel to 'Him... a father? Pffht.' - The chronicles of Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black, from school and hate to marriage, childbirth, war, prison, and love.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 50 - Words: 114,440 - Reviews: 216 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 4/8/2012 - Published: 6/7/2011 - Lucius M., Narcissa M. - Complete
A Kiss In The Rain by BlinkYourEyes reviews
"Do you think it's possible that they...love each other?" Harry asked, motioning to the couple. Lucius/Narcissa. One Shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 555 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/8/2011 - Lucius M., Narcissa M. - Complete
The Beginning of The End by Bforqueen reviews
After the near-fight with the Cullens, Aro desperately tries to make sure the Volturi name stays untarnished. His methods are erratic and his actions rash as he tries to save face. In the end, it's his wife that comes to his aid.-Entry for TSSOV contest-
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,171 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/17/2010 - Aro, Sulpicia - Complete
Aduial En Meleth by Anarane Narmolanya reviews
There is one dark haired elf whom Glorfindel has loved for centuries, this dark haired elf deems himself unworthy of any attention from other advances. Can Glorfindel find the courage during a special upcoming festival to change this? WARNING SLASH
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,494 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 9 - Published: 9/13/2010 - Glorfindel, Erestor - Complete
The Cave by VampItUp.WolfItDown reviews
Bree and Diego spend the day in Diego's cave but decide to do a lot more than just talk. What happens in the cave, stays in the cave, right? Bree/Diego oneshot. Rated M for lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,157 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 14 - Published: 8/12/2010 - Bree, Diego - Complete
Drawing Ginny by Fragile-Strength reviews
There's no room for any thoughts in your head when you're together other than how beautiful and perfect and utterly unownable she is. dt/gw/hp
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 775 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/10/2009 - Dean T., Ginny W.
Childhood Memories by xXxInSoMniAckxXx reviews
Percy takes Hermione up to his old treehouse and things get a little heated. LEMON ONESHOT
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,843 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/28/2008 - Hermione G., Percy W. - Complete
The Story of Carlisle by Breaking.Down.Slowly reviews
Lacey and I went insane and made a parody of Carlisle's life, from transformation till the end of Breaking Dawn. This IS posted on her account, in case you were thinking I copied.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 677 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/2/2008 - Carlisle - Complete
Practice Makes Perfect: A Smutlet in Three Parts by DiableRouge reviews
Haldir's a little stressed. Galadriel's going to help him out...sound naughty? It is. 1st part is PG-13. Later parts will be R
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,992 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/8/2005 - Published: 3/3/2005 - Haldir, Galadriel
The Light of Morning by JunoMagic reviews
Late at night Elrond returns to the bedroom he shares with his wife... An indulgent vignette that loosely connects to my story 'The Tides of Time and the Bones of the Earth'.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,310 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 10 - Published: 2/10/2005 - Elrond - Complete
Patiently Waiting by Team McAdams reviews
Some yummy Arwen & Aragorn fluff for you. Based on scenes from the FOTR Extended Version DVD.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,863 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/2/2004 - Aragorn, Arwen U.
A Little Nudge by Arabella Thorne reviews
A challenge Fic, using a series of words and involving that most romantical of couples Elrond and Celebrian...with nice showings from Celeborn and Galadriel
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,600 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/19/2003 - Elrond, Galadriel
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The Lord and Lady of Rivendell reviews
A series of oneshots concerning the magnificent Elrond and Celebrian, Lord and Lady of Imladris. No AU, all in canon (well, as much canon as I can manage). In no particular order, these oneshots range from K to M (the first two are M, ratings will be at the head of each chapter after this).
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,955 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 10/7/2013 - Published: 12/31/2012 - Elrond, Celebrian
The Redhorn Pass reviews
In the year TA 2509, the Lady Celebrian of Rivendell traveled through the Redhorn Pass on her way to her parents' realm of Lothlorien. There, she was attacked by orcs. Whilst her guard fell, she survived the humiliation and torture in the orc den, through more than luck alone. She fought for her life with body and soul.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,681 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/2/2013 - Elrond, Celebrian
What About Now? reviews
Celeborn hates the idea of Galadriel leaving for Valinor before he does. Post-War of the Ring, set in Lothlorien. A sour argument between the Lord and Lady of the Galadhrim. Angsty angst.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,192 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/3/2013 - Galadriel, Celeborn - Complete
Coming Home reviews
Celeborn comes home after spending weeks on the boarders to find his wife in a somewhat compromising position, and instead of letting her finish what she is doing herself, he helps her out. Shamelessly pure smut. That's it, that is literally all it is. I just love these two. One-shot.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,597 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/2/2013 - Galadriel, Celeborn - Complete
Only Her reviews
Hayffie oneshot. Plot? What plot? Okay this is pure smut I'm not gonna beat around the bush. Haymitch and Effie share a loving moment together, in the best way they know how. M for obvious reasons. Please read the author's note if you're a regular reader of mine, across fandoms. If you're not, don't worry.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,464 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/6/2013 - Haymitch A., Effie T. - Complete
When in Lothlorien reviews
Pure Galadriel and Celeborn smut. Co-authored by Truskawkowy Elf z Mongolii. Set in Fellowship era, not that that is entirely relevant to the smut.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,029 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/23/2013 - Galadriel, Celeborn - Complete
Celebrian's Departure reviews
Celebrian, after her traumatic capture and rescue, decides to leave Rivendell and Middle Earth on a ship to the West. On the eve of her departure, Elrond bids her a loving farewell as only a husband can. Smutty one-shot (although I may do one follow-up chapter).
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,126 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/20/2013 - Published: 1/6/2013 - Celebrian, Elrond
Nightmares reviews
Guinevere is dreaming. Dreams often tell us things, things that once were, what is, and what will be. Gwen always knew she'd know when is happened. When he'd be gone. Set near the end of the last episode of series 5. Massive spoilers ahead, so if you haven't seen the Merlin finale, don't read this. T for angstyness.
Merlin - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,017 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/24/2012 - Gwen/Guinevere, Arthur - Complete
We Always Have Tonight reviews
Arthur visits Guinevere the night Uther banishes her from Camelot. My imagination runs wild following some of the events in series 3, episode 10 of BBC's Merlin - set somewhere in the middle of the episode The Queen of Hearts. Short, smutty fluff. ArthurxGwen pairing. Oneshot.
Merlin - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,129 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 8 - Published: 12/17/2012 - Arthur, Gwen/Guinevere - Complete
The Lady of the Lake reviews
Inspired by (and with direct crossovers from) episode 9 of series 2. Merlin and Freya connect after Halig, the bounty hunter in search for her, almost catches her again. Short, soft fluff from my favourite tv series.
Merlin - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,574 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Published: 12/10/2012 - Merlin, Freya - Complete
Stay With Me reviews
Haymitch visits the hospital where Effie lays in bed. And he contemplates what she means to him. Hayffie oneshot,and neither of them die in this one, woo! For back-it-up-elizabethbanks.
Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,958 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/28/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Effie's Last Letters reviews
Effie writes three letters to Haymitch after the war. She is still in the Capitol, pieicing back together her life, and he, she assumes, is carrying on back home in Twelve. Hayffie oneshot.
Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,300 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/27/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Portia's Observations reviews
It's the night before Katniss and Peeta go into the arena for the first time, and Portia is in a less-than-sober state when Effie finds her. Portia wonders about Effie and Haymitch's relationship, and through a sleepy haze some of her suspicions are confirmed. We see Haymitch and Effie as Portia sees them. Mild Hayffie and Cinna/Portia. Oneshot.
Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,803 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/19/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Haymitch's Alternate Ending reviews
Slightly AU. Haymitch gets ready for Effie's big day in the aftermath of the war. Hayffie. Veeeeeery short one-shot.
Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 485 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/17/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Working Distractions reviews
Effie and Haymitch are talking with Peeta after his and Katniss' arrival for their first Games regarding his feelings for her and the tactics that could spring from that. However, Effie is distracted by the mere presence of her colleague, and soon Peeta becomes the last of their priorities. Fluffy Hayffie drabble.
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,958 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 6 - Published: 10/12/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Haymitch, Effie and One on the Way reviews
Pregnant Hayffie - prompt sent by anon. It's five years after the war against the Capitol, and Haymitch and Effie suddenly find that they have a child on the way. Exploration of a backstory post-Mockingjay. Light one-shot with our favourite couple!
Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,892 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/9/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Killer Queen reviews
Prompt from illyna - a Hayffie fic inspired by Killer Queen by Queen. Not the best that could have been written, but short Hayffie nothingness! Haymitch catches Effie sneaking a cigarette on the roof of the Training Centre, and they just have a little fun together. One-shot.
Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,343 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/8/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Haymitch, Effie and the Unexpected Avox reviews
Haymitch and Effie were having a perfectly nice time, thank you very much, before an Avox accidentally walked in on them. Short one-shot lemons.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 910 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/30/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Haymitch and the Cat reviews
Prompt from cloudless-grace, about Effie sending Haymitch a cat because she was worried he might be lonely. He didn't exactly get on very well with it... Pointless ramblings on a Sunday night. Mild Hayffie.
Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,876 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/30/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Chance Encounters reviews
Haymitch and Effie first meet at a party in the Capitol, before she is his escort, before he is her mentor - before they are forced to be partners. Instantly, they hit it off, but as they say, the course of true love never did run smooth. A whole lot of Hayffie about to come your way.
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,492 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 9/16/2012 - Published: 8/20/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A.
Something To Lean On reviews
Effie visits Haymitch before the 74th Hunger Games reaping, with good intentions. All she wants is to see him again. All he wants is to see the bottom of the next bottle. But she changes him - she always does. Despite this, is there any point in their reconnecting if she is only going to be torn away by the Capitol once more? Lemony oneshot.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,033 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 9 - Published: 8/7/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
The Capitol's Escort reviews
It's one of the many dark nights on the train to the Capitol after the Reaping for the 75th Annual Hunger Games, and all Haymitch wants Effie. All he needs is her. That's all he's ever needed. But he is not the only love in her life. Oneshot.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,569 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 8/6/2012 - Published: 7/20/2012 - Effie T., Haymitch A. - Complete
Peeta's Reaping
When Peeta is chosen to be the tribute for District 12, he is shocked. He is going to be put against Katniss Everdeen after being torn from his family, for the sake of the Capitol's entertainment. This is wrong. This is very wrong. The Reaping of The Hunger Games from Peeta's POV, including his goodbyes.
Hunger Games - Rated: K - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,923 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/15/2012 - Peeta M.
Real or Not Real? reviews
The last line of Mockingjay captured me, and so this is what happened prior to that famous line. Katniss and Peeta come together for the first time, and Katniss finally realises how she has felt about him all along, in the house in which only he can bring her peace. M for lemonsss.
Hunger Games - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,201 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/11/2012 - Katniss E., Peeta M. - Complete
The Strut of the Serpent reviews
Lucius and Narcissa shared a magic that the Dark Lord would never understand, a magic that couldn't be taught at Hogwarts. Nothing could break the love that they shared - not even the end of their Dark Lord. A series of one-shots of Lucius and Narcissa.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 34,419 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 6/6/2012 - Published: 7/27/2011 - Lucius M., Narcissa M. - Complete
He Always Fled reviews
Tonks loves Remus, and Remus loves Tonks. Why can't he just admit it and stay? Watered-down lemonade of one of my favourite pairings.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,297 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Published: 4/29/2012 - N. Tonks, Remus L. - Complete
The Simplest of Truths reviews
Carlisle and Esme's small wedding with ever-faithful companion Edward, followed by the encounter that will seal with relationship forever. Entry for the Carlisle & Esme Summer Citrus Contest. Oneshot, in Twilight canon.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,438 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/13/2011 - Carlisle, Esme - Complete
The Cullens Take England reviews
The Cullens decide to take go on holiday to England. They tackle London, Cambridge University, Alton Towers and various other stops! Nominated in the Shimmer Awards - this is just for some fun. Enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,720 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 6/26/2011 - Published: 5/8/2011 - Carlisle, Emmett
Una Maschera reviews
Athenodora is a colourful character or so I imagined , and this fic touches on the relationship she has with her infamous husband. Oneshot, M for lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,477 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/27/2011 - Athenodora, Caius
The Library reviews
Because we just don't get enough of the Volturi couples. Two-parter; Athenodora and Caius rekindle their love of books, the old times and each other in the old library in Volterra. M for lemons. Complete!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,071 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 13 - Updated: 5/22/2011 - Published: 5/20/2011 - Athenodora, Caius - Complete
Fast Car reviews
This one-shot was inspired by Fast Car by Tracy Chapman. It's my first Alice/Jasper lemon. Alice and Jasper share a tender moment.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,126 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/14/2011 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Keep The Clothes Safe reviews
Carlisle and Esme try on their clothes for Bella and Edward's wedding, and think the other looks pretty darn good. Rated M for lemons. Oneshot. Please read and review!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,443 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 6 - Published: 5/7/2011 - Carlisle, Esme - Complete
Peace and Tranquillity reviews
Starts off with family banter, moves into lemons as Carlisle and Esme visit their rural cabin. I'm a novice withe lemons, so please reviewwww. Written in canon, post BD I guess. One-shot. Enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,659 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/30/2011 - Carlisle, Esme - Complete
We Survived reviews
Carlisle and Esme reunite after the clash at the end of Breaking Dawn. Teeny bit of lemons, oneshot. It's my first bit of lemon, please let me know how it is, whether that be review or message to help me improve my lemonz. All credit to Steph. Meyer
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,173 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 6 - Published: 4/23/2011 - Carlisle, Esme - Complete
A Gryffindor and a Ravenclaw reviews
Percy and Penelope - two Prefects, model students. So what happens when Percy has to chose between his school and his girl? Rated M for later chapter, summary sucks, I know. Review, and I will continue with lemons.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,733 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/30/2010 - Percy W., Penelope C.
Sunset reviews
The love story of Bella and Edward is now a famous one. But what happened on the other side? What happened to his family during this stressed out time? Twilight from Esme's POV, her and Carlisle's romance is a main part of the story.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 15 - Words: 20,776 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 9/28/2009 - Published: 8/30/2009 - Esme, Carlisle