ABalletEmpress
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Joined 05-06-09, id: 1926316, Profile Updated: 01-04-10
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile.

A thirsty, African-American man crossed the street to drink or water at the only water fountain in sight.

The white man came over to him and said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up.

He then said:

"Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK,

When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK.

But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN,

When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

~Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest telling us to sit down and shut up.

~ I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's

~ A true idiot climds a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

~You say I'm not cool. But cool is just another word for cold. so if I'm not cold, I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

~Boys are like Slinky's. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

~When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in their eyes and see how much life likes lemons then.

~Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

~If guns don't kill people, ten can I blame all my misspells on my pencil?

~I know I just said 'Guns don't kill people. People kill people.' But I think that guns help! I mean, not much would happen if you just sit there and yell 'BOOM'

~You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

~A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend/girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

~A good friend will bail you out of jail. But a Best Friend will be sitting next to you saying "Let's do it again!"

~Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed.

~I used all my sick days so I called in dead.

~Life isn't trying to pass me by; it's trying to run me over!

~You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to.

~The extinction of the dinosoars was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

~Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

~When in doubt, make words up!

~The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

~If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!

~If you're going to be two-faced sweetie, at least make one of them pretty!

~Don't worry about the end of the world coming today- it's already tomorrow in Australia.

~Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid!

~Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies! Oh, that red stuff leaking out of them?...That's cooking oil.

~Before you criticize a person, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes!

~An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.

~Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!

~There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in PIE, an so there is an 'I' in MEAT PIE and since MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

~Newscaster tell the people who tell you "Good evening" and then procede to tell you why it's not.

~Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity. Not so sure about infinity...

~Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible? ~I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly. A sparkly Vampire.

~Don't hit kids. Seriously, they have guns now.

~WARNING- lost kids will be sold to the circus

~If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So SHUT UP!

~If you can't live with out me, then why aren't you dead yet?

~I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.

~WARNING- stop throwing your cigarette butts on the carpet! Seriously, the cockroaches are getting cancer!

~There are three kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't.

~Warning: trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

~Welcome to the internet! Pants optional.

~If I throw a stick, will you go away?

~The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow!

~If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off. (Personally this is my favorite one!!)

~I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

~I like you. When I rule the world your death will be quick and painless.

~If someone told most people they were weird, most people would disagree. I would ask what their first clue was.

Mental Hospital Phone Menu:

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile

If your reading fanfics when your supposed to be studying for a major test the next day, and telling your parents your studying, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever laughed for no particular reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think that some day you are going to be claimed by a greek god or goddess paste this on your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. (next they'll tell us Jupiter is to big)

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile. (who are they talking to?)

If FanFiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking Trix, copy this into your profile

If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this into your profile

If you have an annoying younger--or older-- sibling, please copy and paste this into your profile.

1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever been stabbed with a plastic fork by your BFF because you were taking his or her tater tots, copy this into your profile.

Ninety-three percent of the teen population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this if you would be part of the seven percent that'd be LAUGHING YOUR BUTT OFF!

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer!

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

Heaven doesnt wan't me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is also wondering, "Is there a letter in the alphabet that can't be pronounced without another, other than E? Like... B would be... be or bee..." If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it!
A simple friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you.
A simple friend sleeps in with you until 2 in the afternoon. A real friend screams, "WAKE UP, FREAK!" in your ear, while laughing hysterically at 8:00 in the morning.

What a guy means, when he says some stuff-
"You know how bad my memory is!”
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned…but I forgot your birthday."

“Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s not big deal.”
"I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

“Take a breath honey. You work too hard.

"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"It‘s a guy thing"

"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to "
"I have no idea how it works."

"I cant find it."

"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

Girl: She gives him a big hug.

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever checked your story for reviews over 5 times in one day, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are not one of those people who thinks having over 1 thousand friends on myspace is a contest copy this to your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you were there at the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, copy and pastes this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. (Sadly, I usually lose)

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. (again!!)

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word, and do so at random moments, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you believe some teachers are seriously prejudiced, copy an paste this in your profile.

If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If keyboards hate you, copy and paste this.

Signs you live in 2009

1. You are on your computer everyday

2. You are more inside, than out.

4. You are on this site often.

5. As you read this, you keep nodding and smiling.

6. You were too busy, reading, nodding, and of course smiling, that you didn't notice there wasn't a number three.

7. You looked back to see if there was a number three.

8. You feel a bit stupid.

9. You think this is funny.

10. You want to copy this in your profile, right now - feel free.

If you have ever wanted to slap someone, but restrained yourself, congratulations, and copy and paste this to your profile.

98 percent of teenagers, do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

I wear black so I must be a Goth.

I'm young so I must be naive.

I have good grades, so I must be a Nerd.

I love animals so I must become the crazy old cat lady.

I get depressed so I must be Emo.

I'm blonde so I must be an idiot.

I'm religious, so I must shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm Native American, so I must be a savage.

I'm a white girl, so I must be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm pretty, so I must not be a virgin.

I have straight A's, so I must be easy.

I'm a virgin, so I must be prude

I'm a girl who actually eats lunch, so I must be fat.

I'm single, so I must be ugly.

I'm Christian, so I must hate homosexuals.

I love shopping, so I must be rich.

I hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up and stop, Post this.

If you take great pride in being strange, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you can think of a song in relation to almost anything, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever had multiple songs stuck in your head at the same time, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you smack books when the charecters are being annoying, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever had a book just sit on your bookshelf and seemly glare at you. And you eventualy end up reading it because it starts yelling at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Things to do in an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

A world wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

“Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”

The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn’t know what ‘food’ meant. In India they didn’t know what ‘honest’ meant, In Europe they didn’t know what ’shortage’ meant. In China they didn’t know what ‘opinion’ meant. In the Middle East they didn’t know what ’solution’ meant. In South America they didn’t know what ‘please’ meant, and in the USA they didn’t know what ‘the rest of the world’ meant.

I think this is amazing!! The human brain is like wow, i don't even know how to explain how awesome this is.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you can read that please put it in your profile.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Obituary for the Half-Bloods

The demigods in the titan war fought bravely. They refused to give up in the gods, Western Civilization or on life. Some survived, but those who didn't will always be rememberd. They're sacrifice will not have been in vain. We will uphold the values that they stuck to. We will emulate ther incredible belief. Because otherwise, we might as well have murdered them ourselves.

Dora the exporer is soo an Illegal Immigrant...

Ok, so here's the deal... If you need the explanations they're
all around you...

1) She speaks spanish... she speaks spanish perfectly... what
is she like...5? Her backpack even speaks spanish perfectly!

2) That backpack
of hers has EVERYTHING in it! And we're talking everything! Life support,
water/food, clothing for any weather, ropes, grappling hooks, shoes... i mean
c'mon!

3) She's carrying a freaking ZOO with her! I mean, she has a monkey, an
band of insects, a bajillion other animals! Really! What kind of legal
immigrant has that many pets!?

4) She's always on an "adventure" to
transport a "package" to some destination and is always being
stalked by a person trying to take that package... i mean... really, Swiper is
so obviously some sort of border patrol person trying to collect evidence of
Dora's entire narcotics trafficking buisness

5)The evidence is so obvious and
around you guys! And they're even poisoning our little children with them...
Who wants our toddlers to grow up knowing spanish before english?!

Really Dumb Store labels:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
some friends one evening
and time passed quickly as each shared
their various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than
planned, and had to walk home alone.
She wasn't afraid
because it was a small town and she lived
only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm
trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from
harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a
short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she
noticed a man standing at the end as though he
were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray,
asking for
God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
and security wrapped round her, she felt as
though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley,
she walked right past the man and arrived
home safely.

The following day, she read in the
newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same
alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
the fact that it could have been her, she began to
weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
help this young woman, she decided to go to the
police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so
she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be
willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify
him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out
the man she had seen in the alley the night
before.

When the man was told he had been
identified, he
immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
and asked if there was anything they could do
for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one
question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either side of
her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of
teenagers will not stand up for God?

Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

One Drunken Night by SINGACTWRITE123 reviews
Edward and Bella were best friends forever. But after a drunken night they wake up together in the same bed... two months later Bella finds herself pregnant with Edward's baby. Can two best friends raise a baby together? Rating might change. Please R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 10,249 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 128 - Follows: 128 - Updated: 7/25/2012 - Published: 8/24/2010 - Bella, Edward
The Misadventures of Bella and Emmett by Ninja.At.Heart reviews
Emmett wins the job of baby-sitting Bella. But he gets bored quickly. Emmett chooses to have a little fun with Bella. Will Emmett regret his choice? Will Bella survive without a scratch? How will Alice and Edward react to emmett's choice. Attempt of humor
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 33,373 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 6/25/2012 - Published: 3/15/2009 - Bella, Emmett
Once Upon a Time by Perdidit Amor reviews
I'd always had crappy luck, so in all honesty, I expected nothing less than that when it came to Edward Cullen... BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,588 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 4/11/2012 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Bella, Edward
the real deal by Severus-is-my-man reviews
bella and edward have problems can emmett help? M for later chapters
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 15,391 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 1/30/2012 - Published: 6/12/2009 - Bella, Emmett
Not Kissable by patiicm reviews
Bella gets frustrated with Edward because he is not kissing her the ways she wants him to. As a result of Bella's frustration they make a bet. Let's see whose will wavers first. T to be safe. Post Eclipse - Pre Breaking Dawn.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 15,149 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 12/31/2011 - Published: 12/15/2010 - Bella, Edward
Just Friends? by TotalEclipseOfTheHeart1210 reviews
Edward and Bella live next door from each other and have been friends forever. Every summer they do everything together. This summer is no different then any other, except for the fact that they might have some different feelings for each other. AH,OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 9,181 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 8/9/2011 - Published: 1/10/2011 - Bella, Edward
Cuffed To You by ping-pongplayer reviews
Emmett & Bella hate each other, more than anything. When a new t.v. show Cuffed puts them together, cuffing them, things don't go as they seem. They have to be stuck together for a month. How will they feel when the month ends? AH Em/B story.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 68,335 - Reviews: 536 - Favs: 323 - Follows: 330 - Updated: 7/21/2011 - Published: 3/28/2009 - Bella, Emmett
Sleeping Beauty by KaylaCandy16 reviews
Bella is in a coma when Edward sees her one day at the hospital. Can he love someone he has never actually met? More importantly, will she ever wake up? AH/AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,540 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 4/27/2011 - Published: 1/14/2011 - Bella, Edward
Island X by Italian Lioness reviews
Susannah takes part in a reality t.v series where five students and five celebrities have to survive on an island for 3 weeks. What will happen when she meets pop sensation Jesse De Silva there? Will Paul get in the way? JS. Rated T for later scenes...
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 30,837 - Reviews: 170 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 87 - Updated: 4/27/2011 - Published: 2/24/2009
From Geeks To Beauties by FaNpIrE302028 reviews
Alice, Rosalie, and Bella are sisters that get teased at school. What happens when they decide to change? This story is being written with VaMpIrExPixie. Please R&R.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 17,060 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 4/1/2011 - Published: 3/21/2010 - Bella, Edward
Hush by Outlinedinblack reviews
Bella is raped and abused by every male she knows. One day pregnant she runs away to Rosalie in Forks. She doesnt speak one word of her past to anyone but Rosalie Hale. Can Edward cullen get her to speak up about her past. Rated T AND M for Rape scene
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 28,560 - Reviews: 354 - Favs: 318 - Follows: 349 - Updated: 3/4/2011 - Published: 10/25/2009 - Bella, Edward
Cruel and Unusual Punishment by TaylorLautnerLuver reviews
After making one careless mistake Bella is sent to live with her ex-best friend and worst enemy, Edward Cullen for a year. What could go wrong? Well, pretty much everything.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,046 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 1/31/2011 - Published: 1/28/2010 - Bella, Edward
Mystery Woman by minze10383 reviews
Edward spends a night with a woman who only gives the slight hint of who she is; her name is Bella. Edward, having fallen in love searches desperately for his mystery woman. AH OOC Please R&R. Rated T for language an brief subject matter.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,051 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/20/2011 - Published: 1/13/2011 - Bella, Edward
A blizzard will bring us together by FaNpIrE302028 reviews
Em, R, A, J, B, & E get stuck in school due to a blizzard in the small town of Forks. Will this blizzard be the perfect disaster to bring them closer. All Human. A little OOC. Em/R J/A ED/B
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 26,879 - Reviews: 165 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 1/8/2011 - Published: 11/18/2009 - Bella, Edward
Bella's Prank by edwardlover13 reviews
Bella finally pranked Emmett. EMMETT! What was it? And how will Emmett react. Rated M just incase.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 10,332 - Reviews: 165 - Favs: 169 - Follows: 163 - Updated: 12/4/2010 - Published: 8/17/2008 - Bella, Emmett
Mischief has a Name by JAXCollegeGirl reviews
Miss Swan, I would like to arrange a meeting with you tomorrow afternoon to discuss on how your son has been acting recently. He hasn't been getting along with his new seatmate, Derek Cullen. Mr Cullen would also be present during the meeting. -Miss Karen
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,137 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 10/27/2010 - Published: 5/26/2010 - Bella, Edward
Fifteen by xXChocolateGoodieBasketXx reviews
It's her freshmen year, and she's gonna be here for the next 4 years in this town. She counts to ten, takes it in, this is her life before she knows who she's gonna be. At fifteen.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,113 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 10/11/2010 - Published: 1/11/2010 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob
When Edward Met Bella by jliane reviews
So, can men and women really be friends? Edward Masen thinks so, and he's determined to prove it to the new woman in his life, the first grade teacher of his niece, little Lilly Whitlock. But does Edward's mind change when he gets to know Isabella Swan?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 75,916 - Reviews: 568 - Favs: 392 - Follows: 472 - Updated: 10/10/2010 - Published: 12/28/2008 - Bella, Edward
Past by sagaaddict reviews
What happens when your past comes back to hurt the one you love? Are you willing to put your family’s life at risk or even your own life to save him? Bella's the vamp Edward is the human and a nerd Twilight with a twist
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 18 - Words: 34,228 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 9/27/2010 - Published: 11/29/2009 - Bella, Edward
TheBoyIHate by fred aholic reviews
What if Voldermort split his soul too many times when killing Harry?, What happens when Harry is raised by his parents and is influensed by Sirius?, What happens if his relationship with his neighbour Ginny is the same as the one his parents had?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 41,817 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 6/23/2010 - Published: 5/10/2010 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
The Silver Lining: Renesmee and Jacobs Story by rOcKeRfOoL reviews
Renesmee coming of age and falling in love with her best friend Jacob. Can he get over himself and see that she loves him, or will they never be?...I hope you guys like it!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 34 - Words: 105,194 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 4/24/2010 - Published: 11/8/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob - Complete
The MediatorShadowland Jesse's POV by x.Lorna.Disasterr.x reviews
This is the first book of the Mediator series- Shadowland Love you to death from Jesse's POV. I hope you enjoy
Mediator - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Spiritual - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,620 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 4/18/2010 - Published: 10/21/2009 - Hector de Silva/Jesse, Susannah S.
Dawn by BookWormyGirl1993 reviews
What happens after Jesse and Suze get married? Well this is what dawn is for!
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,485 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 4/14/2010 - Published: 7/10/2009 - Hector de Silva/Jesse, Susannah S.
A Secret Storm by LabRats89 reviews
What if something bad was happening in your household, happening right under your nose, but you never even notice it. What happens when it's the person you trust, with your child, who is the one lashing out? Tragedy strikes the Cullen family.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 10 - Words: 22,190 - Reviews: 145 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 4/11/2010 - Published: 5/4/2009 - Carlisle, Edward - Complete
The Gaiety of Edward Cullen by Perdidit Amor reviews
Bella Swan makes a discovery that alters her future. When the clues that Edward has left her come together a startling discovery comes to light. Humor.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 372 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 4/10/2010 - Published: 6/15/2009 - Bella - Complete
The dream by xpskl reviews
naravog is back and knows kendra's weakness. the real gavin comes back. I suck at summaries. rated T because of later chapters maybe.
Fablehaven - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,268 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 4/1/2010 - Published: 9/18/2009
Hypnotized by SuperSexySugeon-CarlisleCullen reviews
Edward leaves Bella with Emmett, only to come home to his life's true love to be in love with ..... Carlisle. Read and review. we want at least five reviews each two chapters posted to keep writing more.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 3,644 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 2/12/2010 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Bella, Emmett
Another Crazy Night For Jess by ellabella89 reviews
Well, I found this and after a bit of editing, I am now posting it. Lots of Rob and Jess, if you know what I mean. Only a oneshot, not planing on going more than that. HOPE YOU LIKE IT!
1-800-Where-R-You - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,853 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/5/2010 - Jess M., Rob W. - Complete
Brother VampBear by twird96 reviews
In his human life Emmett had a sister. Bella. Some time after he is turned, she is turned. What happens when they meet? Will Emmett handle Edward and Bella falling in love? T to be safe.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 10,526 - Reviews: 229 - Favs: 278 - Follows: 241 - Updated: 2/4/2010 - Published: 5/27/2009 - Bella, Emmett
A Continuation by 221b-whovian reviews
Thanks to an overwhelming response to my proposal of a sequel, here is the next installment of Fablehaven: The Real Story, I HIGHLY suggest you read that before this, or else you will be VERY confused
Fablehaven - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 40 - Words: 20,860 - Reviews: 208 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 1/26/2010 - Published: 9/27/2009 - Complete
Tightrope Walker by Beautywithoutabeast reviews
A girl, like any other, has stumbled into school in Wangarratta, Australia. One problem, two words: Mr. Cullen. Will she ever let her feelings go?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,515 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/2/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Growing Pains by AnEmotionalVampire reviews
4-year-old Bella loses her parents in a nasty attack and is rescued by the Cullens. Will they adopt her and help her or will they send her away? Read to find out! *COMPLETE!*
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 34 - Words: 45,583 - Reviews: 522 - Favs: 419 - Follows: 216 - Updated: 12/28/2009 - Published: 9/19/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Painful To Remember, Easy to Forget by xxAlicexBrandonxCullenxx reviews
This is set during the dance studio in Twilight. Same characters, same pairings, different plot. Something James does hurts Bella into an irrevocable state. or so they thought. Rated T just in case. Challenge from Dreamin.of.Scotland Enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 31,842 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 12/5/2009 - Published: 6/25/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
No Way by TwiHard24 reviews
Ah! The monkey stole my bananas!""Don't let the squirrel touch my nuts!""My wand! I thought Esme threw it away after I tried to shove it down Jasper's throat!" The Cullen's are back to school. Can Bella resist helping Emmett with his pranking? Hilarious!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,740 - Reviews: 501 - Favs: 328 - Follows: 285 - Updated: 10/12/2009 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Emmett, Bella
Fablehaven: The Real Story by 221b-whovian reviews
Gavin is not evil, he never was. He was framed by the Sphinx. And now his story is being told. AU
Fablehaven - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 50 - Words: 27,709 - Reviews: 387 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 9/26/2009 - Published: 7/31/2009 - Complete
Edward's baby has a baby by mrs. lylacullen reviews
When Edward bans Jacob from ever seeing Nessie again, they break the rule. They break it in a way that leaves the family crushed. They break it in a way that can change everything. They break it in a way that leaves Nessie pregnant.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,468 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 9/1/2009 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie
Truth or Dare, Cullen style by Sk8rpunk2560 reviews
the Cullens and Bella not Carlisle and Esme play truth or dare. Please read.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 5,158 - Reviews: 175 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 8/26/2009 - Published: 6/4/2009 - Complete
Am I Fat! by AmazingCoolMusic reviews
Alice gets back at Jasper after he and Emmett decided to cancel all of her credit cards.She purchases a mirror which makes you fat and gets Jasper to think that he is getting fat.Hilarity laboration between AmazingCoolMusic,TheSkyIsFalling 1 more review
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,888 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 8/6/2009 - Published: 7/17/2009 - Alice, Bella
How to lose a vampire in 10 days by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles reviews
Bella and Edward both receive bets from Jessica and Emmett. Jess bets Bella can't get a boyfriend to break up with her, Emmett thinks Edward's gay and says he can't get a girlfriend. Will they clash? Will their romance survive?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 26,741 - Reviews: 435 - Favs: 227 - Follows: 127 - Updated: 8/1/2009 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Cullens in Canada's Wonderland! by Little-Miss-Giggle-Fit reviews
what happens when Emmett see's A canada's wonderland commercial? WAY better then summery. i swear. and this story is written by my good friend, scary-kat13. everyone is in it alot. normal pairings. after preaking dawn. hopfully not ooc.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,769 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/9/2009 - Published: 6/11/2009 - Complete
Emmett's Pink Trouble by LittleTwilightManiac reviews
COMPLETE: Emmett has always found a way to wind up Bella, but this time he takes a step too far. Bella's planning revenge... but how is the colour pink involved? -- Please R&R -- First Try: Go Easy --
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,678 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 7/9/2009 - Published: 6/3/2009 - Emmett, Bella - Complete
My Angel by Distorted Views reviews
I was hunting when i heard the crash. I ran to the wreck and heard a shrill cry. Their in the back seat was a baby girl. The mother was dead on impact and i was responsible for this child.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 14 - Words: 16,473 - Reviews: 281 - Favs: 185 - Follows: 198 - Updated: 7/3/2009 - Published: 8/1/2008 - Edward, Bella
Moving On by MommiesNotRight reviews
My take on life in the Cullen family post BD. A new town, a new home, a new car for Edward, a trip to England and OMG Renee comes to visit! Thank you Stephenie for the characters I am borrowing! Please take a second & review!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 40 - Words: 67,308 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 7/3/2009 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Bella, Edward
Saturday Game Night by jAsMiNeLoVeStWiLiGhT reviews
The Cullen family tries to make it a ritual that they all come together on Saturday and play games. The odd games that are soon to be played freighten even me, and I'm a freak. I'm such a freak, I'll kill you in your sleep if you don't review.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 2,363 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 7/1/2009 - Published: 5/31/2009 - Emmett, Bella
My Date With A Vampire by asper295 reviews
We all know that their first date happened a little unexpectedly. But what if it had been different? What if Edward had actually asked Bella out on a date? This story plays out what might have occurred if things had happened the traditional way? -Ava R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,274 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 6/15/2009 - Published: 4/17/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
You Belong With Me reviews
Bella is a nerd, who has a crush on her best friend. Edward Cullen. But alas Edward has a girlfriend. What will Bella do to get him? What will Edwards girlfriend do? Read and find out. Rated T just in case.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,344 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 9/23/2010 - Published: 1/17/2010 - Bella, Edward