Poll: In Kingdom Hearts, who is your favourite Nobody? Vote Now!
Author has written 15 stories for Jhonen Vasquez, Invader Zim, Hunger Games, Death Note, Elder Scroll series, Naruto, and Saw.
.: "To think within and outside the box is irrelevant . . . It is thinking without the box that really matters." :.
Welcome to the party. Tea? Cheesecake? Maybe a spot of Corrosive Madness? Don't worry, it doesn't bite. I daresay you'll find it quite enjoyable if you give it a try. Don't let it infect your rational consciousness, mind, or you may very well end up like me.
What was that? It already has? Well, not to worry. We're all mad here.
.: Me on Fanfiction:.
NOTE: I am on a massive hiatus at the moment. I may still check this site from time to time, but don't expect much from me other than a review or an inbox. I might post something every now and then, but don't get your hopes up. Everything I've written thus far can confidently be considered abandoned and every Beta request refused. I'm very sorry.
Where I Lurk:
What I Write Humor is my thing at the moment. I love putting characters in bizarre situations and imagining their reactions; sowing embarrassment and discord unto those that have simply stopped smiling in their fictional lives. I might throw a twisting, mindraping plot in there as well -- because many stories with such plots that I have read in my time have given me some amazing dreams. I'm being completely serious; I have the strangest dreams, and they're always about things with plot. I love plot. A while ago, during my brief spell of depression, I was able to vent my feelings through horror and angst stories -- but now that it's over, I'm afraid that most of my angsty-horror stories shall be discontinued. I'm very glad to say, however, that nowadays I'm a much happier person! I think a few abandoned stories is worth it.
What I Read: Anything! Anything at all! I absolutely love humor and parodies, but I'm also huge fan of well-written, shit-your-pants horror and disturbia and otherwise unclassifiable psychoticness (I also enjoy making up words). Plus I always appreciate a lengthy adventure epic. Sometimes you'll find a plot that will blow your mind, and that is always worth it in my opinion. You won't find me roaming the more romantic side of fandoms, but it has been known to happen; I've enjoyed a few good love stories in the past. Fluff is okay as well, but I'm not too fond of fluffy oneshots or anything. Fluff is good in small amounts. Pretty much, if it's well-written then I'll read it. Seriously. Feel absolutely free to recommend a story to me! I'll marry you or something.
Updating: I am probably one of the least reliable updaters on Fanfiction you have ever seen. I haven't the commitment to see a story through to the end, I'm afraid. I really wish I did. Problem is, I am an extremely whimsical writer and I will never force a chapter out. If you become disinterested in one of my stories after so much time has passed between updates... Well, I must admit that I will be sad. I don't enjoy losing readers, but it happens. It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry we can't be together any longer, you poor, discontinued story.
Grammar: I'm sure you've read this a thousand times before, so I'm not going to lecture you that much. But I've come across a stereotype that many people apply subconsciously to others; that people with bad grammar and spelling are labeled as less intelligent than those that excel in those aspects of literature. It's horrible and untrue for most of the part -- one of the smartest people I know can't spell for crap, for one example -- but it happens. Don't let it happen to you, because I hate stereotypes. I mean, when you're just chatting to someone over the internet then sure, it's absolutely fine to leave out capitals. Texting is faster and cheaper when you're using less coherent English. But for the love of any and all deities out there, don't use text-talk in a public place -- seeing it all over Facebook is bad enough, but posting it on a site where thousands upon thousands of people are genuinely trying to tell stories? Bad idea. The only things it accomplishes include pissing people off and making yourself unpopular.
Summaries: Never EVER write "idk i suck at summaries lol" or "story is better than summary i promise" or even "The summary is too long to fit here" in the summary section of a fic. The summary is the face of the story in question, and if you give your story a bad face then no one will want to read it. What would make us think that you can write AT ALL if your summary is as bad as that? Correct grammar, spelling, and an interesting use of words is what gets people interested in a story. NOT "just read it." Bad summaries demean your story and make us less inclined to read the story itself. Simple as that.
Pairings: Much like my preference in genre, I am willing to read absolutely any pairing -- if it's in the right setting, of course. I don't read angsty romance. That's . . . about it, actually. Humor/Romance is fine with me. Parodies are great. I love crack pairings -- their unlikeliness is their charm in my opinion.
Plots: I like plot. That's pretty self-explanatory, really. Remember what I said about reading a few amazing stories? Well, their grammar wasn't perfect. Their summaries were a little on the bland side. But their plots were so amazing that I began dreaming about them. Plot is how you fall in love with a character, a cast, a story. You follow them through ordeals thick and thin, laugh with them and cry with them, live and love, fly and fall, mourn their failures and cheer their success, bite your nails and hope beyond hope during the final battle -- and then you realise you never wanted the story to end. It's an amazing feeling, and that is exactly what I aspire to write. (I'm just too lazy to make that much of a commitment to writing a story.)
Original Characters (OCs): Just to make things perfectly clear, I have nothing against OCs in general. I enjoy writing them up. It's a wonderful feeling, to put your own creation into a universe that is already so amazing in your eyes -- or, even better, to write yourself into a universe you have dreamed about since you could remember. And I have nothing against that. You need to remember, readers, that not every OC is a Mary-Sue. It's just when you get the really bad characters that make me want to puke innards. Just try to imagine what your reaction to your character would be if he or she had no sentimental value to you. Because unless it has been built upon in an interesting and intriguing way during the course of a story, sentiment means nothing to readers. Simply telling the readers that your character has been through many an ordeal does not endear them to the reader. You have to build your character during the story, based on the experiences the reader can follow as well. Or at least, that's a strategy that sounds like it would work in my mind
Character Deaths: As of yet, not one of my stories is going to be without character death in it. I find it is a very interesting thing to read, even disregarding my own sadism. It is usually an emotional turning point in a story, a plot point and a point off which both the readers and the characters can build. It will affect the characters in it greatly in either a negative or a positive way. Killing the villain is one example of a 'positive death,' whereas the death of a major protagonist could be considered a bad thing. I am aware that I could receive complaints for killing so many important people in my stories, but it's just the way I like things to happen. Which brings me to my next topic...
Flames: If you insist on flaming a story of mine, then please, for your sake, have a reason. If you think something I wrote was crap that doesn't belong in Fanfiction, then state clearly in your review WHY. A flame without an ounce of burn has no effect whatsoever. You get the logic? Another thing I think I must touch upon; Retaliation flames. If I flame a story of yours -- which I will really, really try not to -- then flaming one of mine back without a reason is simply laughable. I must look back to the previous point to make this clear. Feel free to flame something if it deserves it. Don't if it has nothing wrong with it. And if you're just desperate to flame, I can assure you that I am no easy target. Of course, if I DO receive an acceptable flame, I will be polite and positive about it (because by 'acceptable' I mean 'it points out faults that I can recognise, whether I agree or not'). I'm not unreasonable. The same goes for any flame I give. I will try to be nice. I really, really try. But if a story makes me want to retch, you can expect an explosion. 'Nuff said.
Happy Endings: Morbidity is the essence of captivating writing. It will be a rare thing for you to see me give one of my stories a happy ending. I will do bittersweet. I may also do a classic 'rocks fall, everybody dies'. But I will not, I repeat: NOT, get everyone together to skip off into the sunset. The closest I will ever get to that is getting the survivors to live out a relatively content life, whether they're together, on different sides of the ocean, or in different universes. Would that count as bittersweet? Oh well. If you are reading this and are up to date with my stories, then you can take this as a warning.
Paradoxes of the English Language, written by lionesseyes13:
There's no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England, or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, and two geese. So one moose, and two meese, and one index, and two indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? That you comb through the annals of history but not a single annal?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?
Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it!
These hands! I can't get them off my wrists! - Happy Noodle Boy, JtHM
MY EYES! I CAN'T SEE MY EYES! - Random victim, JtHM
Kids, don't be stupid and try this. This is a trained flying toddler. - JV on a Side Note, JtHM
Haikus are easy
6 Things That Shouldn't Explode, But Did Anyway - Check out www.cracked.com for major hilarity!
Michael Bay is right: Somewhere, right now, something is exploding.
And we're not talking bombs and tankers either. As it turns out, there are objects all over the place that will suddenly explode the shit out of themselves for absolutely no reason at all, and often when you least expect it. It's all true, people.
1. Office Chairs
6. A Lake
Food For Thought
Why is Bumblebee a Camero?
Is it legal to hunt Smurfs?
If I Google 'Google' will the universe collapse on itself?