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 Author has written 10 stories for Twilight, and Misc. Books. Hey people! My name's ... and I live in the horrible state, ...! Most people think it's supposed to be awsum, but I think it sucks. I really wanna move to Forks, Washington. And if you haven't read Twilight then you probably don't know where that is. In which case you better GET THE HECK OFF MY PROFILE AND DON'T COME BACK 'TIL YOU HAVE!...Lol. K. Now that THAT'S over, my friends say I'm a complete weirdo, but they think I'm funny and most people like me. I say most because i do have a few enemies. Okay, A LOT of enemies. But that's not my fault though, they brought it on themselves, lol. But my friends are really awsum people, and I love them to death. (But not in a lesbianish way. I'm not lesbian. But I do respect their struggle and support them all the way. :D ) Now that I said all that, on to other stuff. About me! Lol. VERY IMPORTANT! MUY IMPORTANTE! YOU HAVE TO READ THIS!! Now Brooklyn speak: EY! EY YOU'S! GET OVA ERE! YOU GOTTA READ DIS! I'm totally jk about the Brooklyn speak, so hope nobody out ther takes offense. :D Disclaimer: I own nothing! Stephenie Meyer is the creator and owner of Twilight! Now: Since I luv my friends SOOOOO MUCH, I'm gonna tell you about 2 of them. I have two of my bf's writing here on fanfiction, and you NEED to go see them! They are AWESOME!! One of their name's is lionlambluv, and her name is Jacky. She is an amazing writer and friend. :D The next is Tomboy Amy, her name is ..., she doesn't wanna say, but she says it’s ok if you call her Amy or Mia for short. She is also an amazing writer and friend, and she writes abuse poems for her friend who was abused, which is incredibly sweet and awesome of her. :D K, that's it. Now you can read the rest if you WANT. But plz do. :P June 25, 2009 AAHHHH! I'M GONNA CRY! MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD! THE KING OF POP! DEAD! AH! As a tribute to him, PM me and I'll send you the lyrics to Thriller or Beat It. Just say “Goodbye King of Pop" ANd then whichever song you want. June 26, 2009 I'm happy! I'm gonna see Transformers Revenge of the Fallen today with one of my besties, Jacky (lionlambluv). YAY! June 26, 2009 Transformers. Was. AWESOME!! IT WAS SO COOL!! that's all I got's to say... :P August 7, 2009 I saw Sammy Hagar today! In person!! I was getting out of the car and he was walking by me and he looked at me, and then he just kept walking, and then my dad’s all, “Holy shit! That was Sammy Hagar!” And my mom’s all, “Nuh uh!” And he’s all, “Uh huh!” (Haha, that sounded childish XD) and then we went into the store and my mom was all freaking out and said, “Come on! Let’s get a picture!” But my dad was all, “Go and get one if you wanna!” But we didn’t D’= She didn’t wanna go without him :P. I’m still so f-ing sad that we didn’t get to meet him. My uncle knows him cuz Sam goes to his Deli, and Sammy invited him to something that I forgot the name of :P. And my mom wanted to get invited too but we didn’t go see him. I only looked at him close up for a few seconds and that was like hours ago but I still remember what he was wearing: Black sunglasses (duh), an openwhite/tan/yellowish plaid button up shirt with a plain white shirt under it, khaki shorts and I think tan sandals, maybe slippers :P. But hell, now I can say I’ve seen Sammy Hagar in person! And if you don’t know who he is I will be very disappointed in you and you shall not receive a cookie. (Heehee XD) August 14, 2009 WOO! Great America was freaking awesome! I’ve been there before but that was on a field trip and another was with my family, but this time I really enjoyed it! Well, except the end part cuz I had to just sit and wait, in the sun, on a hard cement bench thing and I got really bad sunburn on my face, neck, and arms. But it was soooo worth it =D Oh btw, I saw the movie “Push.” It was really cool! S’all I gotta say…-for now =D- Hobbies: SOCCER!! LUV IT!! Played for eight years so far, playing football(tackle cuz touch is for sissies, no offense to those that play touch :D) reading/reviewing/writing, playing with my pets, texting (duh), talking with my friends/hanging out with them, LUUUUUVVVVVV roughhousing with my bro and dad, skating, drawing, and OoooH! I'm a biggee on sleeping until noon, or as long as I can. Personality: Tomboy but I don't really look like it. Got a crazy sense of humor that cracks my friends UP! Gotta HUGE temper that is hard to get out completely but when it is you wish you could just crawl in a hole and die just to get away from my wrath. I'm strong, not as strong as I used to be cuz I was the strongest girl in my school (I'm pretty sure I was, cuz I roughhoused with the other strong girls and I always won.) and now I got the upper body strength of a fish, lol, but my leg strength is KILLER! Gotta really caring side that i don't show anyone outside my family or unless someone I know is hurt, then I do all I can to help them. And though i act like a total jerk sometimes, I'm actually kinda fragile. And my feelings get hurt REALLY easily. But I almost NEVER show it. Lol, I HATE talking about feelings. makes me feel like such a pansy XD. Fav outfit: Probably what I'm wearing right now. A sorta tight brown shirt that has rhinestones along the front of it on the neckline that has sleeves that go to about the elbows. Skinny blackish/dark blue jeans with my airwalk kicks. They're mostly black with a purple ripped up purple peace sign on the sides with a couple of rhinestones on the side of it. My hair down and really curly with sterling silver hoop earrings, a Rasta necklace, two Rasta bracelets on my left wrist, a black heart bracelet and a Tiffany charm bracelet with a "C" on it on my right wrist. Fav T.V. Shows/Movies: Twilight (MAJOR DUH!), Two and a Half Men, The Tenth Kingdom, Paranormal State, George Lopez(he's awsum! My parents went to his concert and they said he was hilarious!) Malcolm in the Middle, Simpsons, Monk, ABDC (America's Best Dance Crew), American Idol(sort of), Gridiron Gang(great movie), That 70's Show, Futurama(but they canceled it on Adult Swim a while ago so i hardly ever get to watch it anymore), Psych, Burn Notice, Hot Fuzz, The Simpsons Movie, Benchwarmers, Gracie, Boyz N the Hood, Royal Pains,The Replacements, and a bunch more but I can't think of any more right now but probably will later. Fav Artists/Band: Linkin Park, The Eagles, Eric Clapton, Debussy(That one's relatively new. Picked it up from Twilight.), Kanye West, Flo Rida, Soulja Boi, Katy Pery, Lady Gaga, Dan McLean, Bob Marley+his son Ziggy Marley, Metallica, The Beatles, Rage Against the Machine, Eminem, Paramore, Taylor Swift, Akon, AC/DC, Aerosmith, KISS, Black Sabbath, Led Zepplin, Van Halen, My Chemical Romance, The Fray, Three Days Grace, Jimmy Eat World, Panic! at the Disco, Black Eyed Peas, The Clash, crux, Def Leppard, Earth Wind and Fire, Grateful Dead, Jimi Hendrix, Kid Rock, Korn, Queen, Rolling Stones, Smash Mouth(what can I say? I'm kind of a weirdo when it comes to music. Well, when it comes to anything really), Styx(sorta), Timbaland, U2, Weird Al Yankovic(he's hilarious), T.I., Pantera, Iron Maiden, Eagles, James Blunt, Pitbull, and more but again i forgot them. Likes: Dogs(pretty much any furry animal), Snakes(LUV EM! I held a snake around my neck once. It was so cool! pretty much any type of cold blooded reptile), Tarantulas(They're SOOO cool! I almost held one once but then I had to leave the place. I was so P.O.ed! And pretty much any spider.), Skateboards, music, Vans, Airwalks, Skinny jeans, rain, coldness, air(lol), sitting doing nothing, Hawaii, T.V., videogames, soccer, football, motorcycles, cars, my friends(Aww!), purposely annoying my brother, fanfiction(well there's a big stupid duh. would i be here if I didn't?) having random collections of stupid stuff that I find, Twilight (another big stupid duh), playing bodyshots and bloody knuckles and a punch for a punch, gummy worms, gummy bears, gum(pretty much anything gummy), tictacs, fishing, reading, writing, being silly. Dislikes: Miley cirus(what a freak! No disrespect to ppl that don't, but I hate her :P), watching baseball, ankle socks(Urgh, they’re just so annoying! They always slip off your feet!), annoying ppl, being insulted, my mom breaking up my fist fights right after they start to get fun, pplz telling me to clean my room, mushrooms (Oh how I loathe mushrooms), pplz trying to change me, not being able to text, ppl talking behind my back, not having a T.V. in my room (Oh gawd it’s pure torture!), ppl telling me my music is too loud, ppl insulting my choice of music, ppl rejecting my opinions, ppl that think they’re all that, ppl that steal my stuff and throw it across the room (Yes, ppl do that, but don’t worry, it’s kinda like an inside joke. A really mean, inside joke. Lolz jk, but ppl do do that (HAHA I SAID DO DO! Lolz) : P), getting dog hair on me, not being able to talk with my besties, ppl that act nice but are actually really mean, really hot DAYS, WHEN MY CAPS LOCK GETS STUCK! Ok! I fixed it lolz. Not being able to update cuz I can’t use the computer, moving (I just hate the packing and loading part. Urgh it’s horrible!), not being able to play soccer, my hair getting in my face, stupid chick flicks, scary movies that get you all freaked out cuz you think it’ll be like horrifying but then they’re not scary at all –cough The Uninvited cough-, and hecka others. Fav Series/Onesies: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Pendragon, Maximum Ride, Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series, Inkheart, Inkspell, Inkdeath(I don't really like those three that much), Fablehaven 1-4, The 13th Reality, Storm Thief, Dragon Songs, The Davinci Code(ya I know I'm a freak when it comes to book selections), Septimus Heap Magyk 1-4, Dragon Rider, The Sea of Trolls, The Land of the Silver Apples, The Host, The Invention of Hugo Cabret, The Thief Lord, The House of the Scorpion(Has 3 medals,. You guys should probably look into it, it's really good.), The Candy ShopWar, The Tale of Desperaux, Time Cat, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, The Goosebumps series, The Shakespeare Stealer series, The Cirque DU Freak series, The Roman Mysteries Series, and a buncha others. Fav Colors: Almost all shades of blue, green, black, purple, silver, gold. Fav Food Type: Filipino and American. Nationality: Half Filipino, almost half Irish but I gotta bit of German-Dutch going on in there. Fav icecream: I got four: chocolate (=D), chocolate chip cookie dough (=D), cookies and cream (=D), and mint chip. I like it too Jacky! (=D) Fav Funny Conversations: One of my teachers and my friend. I forgot what they were talking about but i remember the funny part. My friend: But that's not fair!(He's kinda-cough cough- stupid.) My teacher: Never say fair! It's just a four letter F word.1.ALice 2.Jacob 3.Embry 4.Tanya 5.Bella 6.Seth 7.Edward 8.Emmett 9.Marcus 10.Jasper 11.Renesmee 12.Leah 1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven (Seth/Renesmee) fic? Do you want to? Urm, no I haven’t and no I probably wouldn’t. Seth and Nessie are cool and all, (and if I could get Nessie to go after Seth so I could have Jacob I so totally would XD) but they just don’t seem right for each other :P 2. Do you think Four(Tanya) is hot? How hot? HELL TO THE NO! NOT JUST NO, NOT JUST HELL NO, BUT HELL TO THE NO!! 3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight (Leah/Emmett) pregnant? Oh gawd! No way in freaking hell man! But I’m betting that if that did happen Emmett must’ve been a Helen Keller XD (No disrespect to Helen Kellers though) 4. Can you recall any fics about Nine (Marcus)? Ya know, I don’t think so actually :P 5. Would Two and Six(Jacob/Seth) make a good couple? Ha! Hell no! Soooo not for each other. Seth’s too happy and easy going, and Jacob generally is too but he can get so sad, scary, controlling, demanding, and pessimistic sometimes! 6. Five/Nine(Bella/Marcus) or Five/Ten?(Bella/Jasper) Why? Oh wow, 5/10 definitely! Cuz Jasper’s one hot vampire! (I woulda described him better than that, but there are some things you just don’t wanna tell pplz… 7. What would happen if Seven(Edward) walked in on Two and Twelve (Jacob/Leah) having sex? Aww! Poor Edward! I bet he wouldn’t have though, cuz he’d have either invaded the Quileute’s territory, which he most likely wouldn’t have one to just see Leah and Jake getting it on, or they’d invaded the Cullens’ territory, and I doubt that they would do that just so they could have sex there :P. But if it did happen, I’m guessing he’d have a severe breakdown XD 8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten(Embry/Jasper) fic. Eww, but okay, I’ll try :P “Embry, what the hell?! What are you doing in my room?!” I asked. “Jasper, I’m sorry, but I can’t take it anymore. I love you.” He admitted. I smiled widely, “That’s great, because I… Ha! Had you going didn’t I?! I would’ve finished it, but I don’t think I could write those words shudder Lolz XD 9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight(Alice/Emmett) fluff? Um, no clue actually :P. Probably though shrugs 10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve(Edward/Leah) hurt/comfort fic. Urgh, why does Leah get him? grumble grumble grumble Fine! Maybe “Why Do You Care?” (Leah would most likely have said that :P) 11. If you wrote a songfic about Eight (Emmett), what song would you choose? Um, prob “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira cuz it’d be funny to watch him try to dance to it XD 12. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve (Alice/Seth/Leah) fic, what would the warning be? Why would there be a warning, huh? Just cuz they’re different races that means I have to warn you? Right, cuz no one from different races can get along! Lolz, jk jk XD. My warning would probably be: “Hate Fic” Meh, that’s not very original or good, but whatevs, it’s all I can think of right now :P 13. When was the last time you read a fic about Five(Bella)? Um, probably a couple of mins ago… 14. "(1.Alice ) and (7. Edward) are in a happy relationship until (7.Edward ) runs off with (4.Tanya ). (1.Alice ), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11 Renesmee. ) and a brief unhappy affair with (12 Leah. ), then follows the wise advice of (5.Bella ) and finds true love with (3. Embry ).” …Eww. Wrong on soooo many levels. Who wrote these questions anyway? Seriously! How would you feel if 7/8(Edward/Emmett) was canon? HA! That’d be hilarious! But I probably wouldn’t care cuz if it was canon in the first place then I’d be used to it so meh Who would make a better college professor: 6, or 11(Seth/Renesmee)? Prob Seth cuz he’s real easy going and nice so he’d prob make a better teacher :P Oh and plus he doesn’t wanna drink blood XD Do you think 2(Jacob) is hot? How hot? Jacob? Well damn, he’s pretty freaking hot! In truth Taylor Lautner (Jacob) and Kellan Lutz(Emmett) are my fav Twilight boyz, cuz they’re the hottest in my mind =D 12 sends 8(Leah/Emmett) on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed? Piss off Edward and really now, is it really that hard? No. All ya gotta do is put his lil Bella in some sort of danger or kidnap her and he just comes runnin screaming bloody murder :P What would 5 most likely be arrested for? Probably failing a drunk test, because she can't walk in a straight line without tripping! If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8? Shit, they shouldn’t feel safe. I mean seriously come on, if I was alone with Emmett or Edward do you really think that I wouldn’t jump em? Lolz XD Hush, little sister I can see your arms I know you scream I can see the way I know that people Hey, little sister You see, little sister He screamed at me You know, little sister But hush, little sister I'm sorry little sister Uh oh little sister Hush little sister IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY THAT POEM INTO YOUR PROFILE!! Hi, my name is Kazu. I like Writing and I like Athletics. I am running down the road I suddenly tripped over. I come home with a scratch on my knee. My mummy begins to worry. I tell her I am fine. She sighs and says ok. I am at school. When suddenly I fall and hit a tree. I am sent to the sickbay. Then I am sent home. Mummy takes me to the doctors. The doctors tell mummy something. Mummy starts to cry. I tell her it's ok. I'm not going to die. She tells me I am starting. Starting to be slower. I don't know what it means. But I have become sick. I tell mummy it's ok. I will become better. Mummy starts to cry. Do I have cancer? Mummy says no. Then what do I suppose. As a year had past. I struggle to walk. My speech is getting slower. It's hard for me to talk. My friends like to help me. My classmates like to run. But I have to sit down. And watch them have fun. Then one day myteacher comes to see mummy. Daddy comes out. And starts to get all snotty. The teacher tells my parents. I can no longer go to school. My motion is too slow. I ask the teacher slowly. I am sorry I am useless. I start to cry and beg her. I want to go to school. The teacher gives a smile. And tells me she is sorry. The school cant really help me. The words were so cruel. The day I had to leave. My friends and classmates cried. The boys upon the windows. Wave to me goodbye. I smile and sit in the car. I am taken to a school. A school with special people. Just like me and you. I start to have some fun. I made a lot of friends. As many years passed again. I talk too slow to understand. I cannot run anymore. And I struggle to even stand. I cannot write in my diary. My motion is too slow. Then one day I am sent. To the hospital again. Now many years have passed. I lie in a warm bed. I cannot move my body. I cannot move again. I talk very slowly. I cannot move my head. My mummy sits there crying. My daddy looks depressed. I ask my mummy sadly. Am I going to die. My mother holds my hand. Yells and starts to cry. A few more years later. I have to shut my eyes. I cannot talk or move. I seem to have died. Copy and Paste this story about Kazu who was diagnosed with a rare uncureable disease, Spinocerebellar Degeneration, in your profile. This disease causes a failure of muscle control in their arms and legs, resulting in a lack of balance and coordination or a disturbance of gait. Support and send the message worldwide. SAD STUFF :'( A little girl holding the hand of her orphanage nanny looks up at the sky and asks "What are those little lights in the sky?" Two figures stand in front of a little girl's grave, crying over their dead daughter. A sister shields her little brother from her father's drunken rage. Her brother runs away on the day of her funeral. A man getting on a bus walks under a black sky, the stars hidden by light pollution. He has only seen stars in movies and pictures. A little boy holds his mother, trying to keep her warm and dry from the rain dripping into their cardboard box. A girl stands on the street in front of her house in the snow because she told her parents that she was lesbian A Jewish man hides his face in public from fear of getting harmed The neighbors hear screaming and crying in the apartment beside them, and had seen the woman with an empty bottle of alcohol walking towards the room, but they just pull their blankets tighter around them. A girl sleeps on a park bench because she got pregnant and let her parents know Someone kicks mud in the face of a man asking for a spare bit of change. The man couldn't get a job because he was gay An African American woman stops going to church because they don't accept her race A mother cries as the police drag her sobbing daughter away. Her wife comes outside and hugs her. The police had said she was an unfit mother because she was lesbian Isn't that sad? No, I'm not lesbian or abused or poor, but I still feel bad for abuse and such... paste this into your profile if the messed up world we live in makes you sad... methods of Love... Controversial Issues: Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage Sad I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying 1) Repost this message. A guy gets a girl 11 real roses and one fake rose. When he gave her the 12 roses, he said,"I'll love you until the last one dies." ONE OF THE BEST THING ON THIS SITE! READ IT! Girls Don't realize these things; I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry But most of all I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm Sorry I'm sorry Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry' If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things' One bright day in the middle of the night, HOMOPHOBIA IS GAY I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. I am the woman who died when the EMT s stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them. I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson" I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male. I'm the one who can't accept myself. --IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG... REPOST THIS-- I am not homosexual, but those who are, I support you. I hate when people openly hate you guys, especially those who are very religious. I have realized they're just being hypocrites. If you're an obsessed love-struck girl of Emmett McCarty Cullen, copy this into your profile. If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Emmett, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile If whenever you see or hear the name "Emmett" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile. 95 of all teens would go into a panic if the Jonas brothers were on a 100 foot building about to jump. copy and paste this if you are one of the 5 who brought popcorn and invited friends while yelling "JUMP BITCH JUMP!! !! You say 50 cent - I say Disturbed If you are extremely obsessed with british boys, and their accents, copy this to your profile. REMEMBER WHEN .. Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now ╔══╦══╦══╗ you have been diagnosed 16 things to do in Walmart. 1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 42 Things to do in an Elevator 1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" Spread the Stupidity Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Man: Haven't I seen you some place before? Man: Can I buy you a drink? Man: How did you get to be so beautiful? Man: Your face must turn a few heads. Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. Man: I think I could make you very happy. Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? Man: Can I have your name? Man: want to see a movie? Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: I'm God's gift to women If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile People With Way Too Much Time on Their Hands and a Pack of Scrabble LettersIf you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile. If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile If you scream when you see a silver Volvo, copy and paste this to your profile. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers? I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Aliceandra, Jasper's Pixie, WeirdRandomHyperTwilightFREAK-, Locketful o’ Heartache, If you have ever dreamed or wished that a book character was real (Edward!) copy and paste this in your profile. IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM! If you want Bella to turn into a vampire, copy this into your profile. If you hear voices of the Twilight characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile If you are counting the days until Breaking Dawn comes out copy and paste this into your profile If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck fan-girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever spazzed out when you've seen a silver Volvo S60, because it reminds you of Edward Cullen, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are so obsessed with Twilight it isn't even funny anymore, copy this into your profile. If you think Aro acts like a creepy camp counciler, copy and paste this into your profile. If you start to freak out when you can't find one of your copies of Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse when really you haven't lost it but your evil sadistic bunny of a sister thought it would be funny to hide them from you just so she could see you freak out, copy and paste this to your profile. This is what a Boyfriend SHOULD do: When she walks away from you mad, follow her Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat. Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead, who keeps your picture in his wallet, who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants, who holds your hand in front of all his friends, who thinks your beautiful without makeup, one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you, THE one who turns to his friends and says THAT'S HER! The Thirteen Commandments of Fanfiction 1. Thou shalt not write Mary-Sue or Gary-Stu stories. EVER. Her name was Aurora Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrust the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad If you hate child abuse, post this on your profile. DORMITORY: PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: MOTHER-IN-LAW: If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. These are Dr. Laura's man rules. 1. Men are NOT mind readers. Random This or That Blue or Red? Blue because it can be any emotion whereas Red would be anger (to me), plus blue is my favorite color Purple or Green? Green Lake or Ocean? Ocean Party or Ball? Par-tay! (Even though I am SO not a party girl. I can’t dance :P Black or White? Black, which is why a lot of people think I’m emo. : / Orange or Hot Pink? Hot pink even though I hate pink. I just like it cuz it’s like bright and neon. Salad or Fries? Really depends on what I'm hungry for and how hungry I am, but probably both. Italian or Chinese? Chinese. Gong hey fat choi! Casual or Dressy? Casual! I hate dressing up! 10, 20, or 30? Oh yeah, Ima tell YOU guys that. Late at night or Early in the morning? Late at night because I can't sleep at night. I love writing and doing everything at night. Lipstick or Eyeliner? Uhm, don’t wear makeup… Gold or Silver? Both. They remind me of treasure, like pirate’s treasure. ARG! Dangley or Studs? Dangley! Clean Freak or Messy? Messy! Have you seen my room? (God I hope not… :D) Morning or Night? Night! I love writing and reading at night. SOOOOO not a morning person. School or Home? Depends. Mansion or House? Mansion! I like big places where I can be alone. Safe Ballet Flats or Dangerous High Heels? Ballet flats, I twist my ankle really easily and get hurt, so no thank you, I don’t want to die today. A little Twilight survey Which book in the series is your favorite? How long did it take you to read them? Who introduced you to the books? Did you buy them, borrow them, or just read them? Who is your favorite character(s)? Who is your favorite vampire? Who is your favorite werewolf? What is your favorite quote from the stories? Your favorite Edward and Bella moment? And When Bella stops him from showing himself in the sunlight in Volturi and the rest of their time together in New Moon. and When Edward jumps on Bella and sweeps her off her feet onto his black sofa before the Cullens go out and play baseball in Twilight. Your favorite Jacob and Bella moment? Favorite Alice and Bella moment? What was your favorite adventure/battle? Which book cover is your favorite? Are these books among your favorite books of all? Random This or That Twilight Interview Twilight or New Moon? New Moon was a downer for me and I loved reading Twilight! It showed the interaction between Bella and Edward. Twilight is my favorite of the series! New Moon or Eclipse? Eclipse! As I said before, New Moon was a downer for me. Eclipse or Twilight? Twilight was my favorite book but I love the action in Eclipse. I'm going to have to say Twilight though. Are you more excited about Breaking Dawn or Midnight Sun? Midnight Sun! I’ve already read Breaking Dawn so why would I be excited about it when I already know what happens? Midnight Sun or the Twilight Movie? Midnight Sun! The movie was bad compared to the book, but without the comparison, it was sorta a good flick, really bad special effects though. Who do you want to see Bella with most: Edward or Jacob? Edward! They are made for each other. Jacob didn't stand a chance with her. Who do you like more Bella or Edward? Edward...God. Hands down. Edward. :D Bella or Jacob? Jacob cuz Bella’s just an annoying human and us vampires don’t like humans. RAWR! Bella or Alice? Alice because she can see the future and because she's hilarious. "It sounded like were having Bella for lunch and we came up to see if you would share."--Alice, Twilight "How offended are you of grand-theft auto?"--Alice, New Moon "This hostage stuff is fun."--Alice, Eclipse Alice or Jacob? Alice because she's funny and knows what's coming. (future) Rosalie or Alice? Psha! Alice! Duh! Rosalie’s a bitch! Jasper or Alice? Jasper. Hehee…:D Jasper or Edward? Both! Edward’s just…swoon. And Jasper’s in touch with his emotional side and guys just need to be more emotional than a rock and cuz he can sense if you’re sad and make you feel happy! YAY!! Emmett or Edward? Emmett! HELLO?! Carlisle or Esme? Carlisle. Father figures are more awesome than mother figures in my opinion. Emmett or Jasper? Both! Emmett cuz he’s hilarious and Jasper because… hey! I told you this part before! Go back up and read you lazy ass! Lol. Emmett or Jacob? Emmett Bella or Rosalie? Bella because Rosalie’s a bitch. Esme or Charlie? Esme because she is more involved with her “children’s” lives’ Charlie or Carlisle? Carlisle because of the same reason I picked Esme. Charlie or Billy? Billy cuz wheelchairs are awesome! Jacob or Sam? Jacob since he's the true alpha and I don't like Sam that much anyway. Sam or Quil? Quil! He's awesome and funny. Sam’s too calm and ya gotta let loose once in a while, and when you do you can’t go all psycho and cut up your girlfriend! Quil or Embry? Quil! Embry’s funny but Quil is funnier and cooler. Who's the better villain: James or Victoria? James Werewolves or Vampires? Vampires forever!! RAWR! Twilight quiz!! Pass it around! Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Switzerland Fire or Ice? Ice, ice baby! Werewolves vs. Vampires. Who would win? Werewolves sigh.Werewolves are made to kill vampires, duh Jasper, Carlisle, Emmett, or Jared, or Seth? EMMETT RULES THE WORLD!! Who do you like more. Alice or Rosalie? Alice! Esme or Rosalie? Esme Leah or her brother, Seth? Seth Mountain Lion or Grizzly Bear? Grizzly Bear. Sowwy Edward, but you gotta be a tough guy to take down grizzlies. ; D Bronze hair (Edward) or Blonde hair (Jasper) I love Jasper, but bronze hair's awesome! Do you hate Edward? THAT'S A SIN!! Do you hate Jacob? ALSO A SIN!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Pass it around! Have Fun!! Life's A Musical Game Opening Credits-Born Bad, Zeromind Waking Up-Claire de Lune, Debussy First Day of School-Anticipation, Carly Simon Falling in Love-Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Queen Fight Song-Gives You Hell, All American Rejects Breaking Up-Heartless, Kanye West Prom-Low, Flo Rida Life is just...OK-Just Dance, Lady Gaga Mental Breakdown-Breakdown, Jack Johnson Driving-Highway to Hell, AC/DC Flashback-Do You Remember, Jack Johnson Getting Back Together-Don’t Matter, Akon Birth of Child-Cat’s in the Cradle, Harry Chapin Wedding-I Love You, Cecilio & Kapono Final Battle-Eye of the Tiger, Survivor Death Scene-Another One Bites The Dust, Queen Funeral Song- Crying Shame, Jack Johnson End Credits-New Soul, Yael Naim How to play: 1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc) I cheated lolz. Sowwy! :P Fav Quotes Random Quotes "God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton "I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters "Man must wait long time with mouth open for roast duck to fly in." ancient Chinese proverb "What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" -Unknown Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown "We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."-Unknown Dealing with Television network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks."- Eric Sevareid "I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." --Jasper Carrott "Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." --Will Rogers I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it." -Unknown Perfection is a waste of time." --Kim De Coite Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?'" -Unknown "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." -Unknown "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy." --Nora Ephron "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook "You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same." - Unknown "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." - Unknown "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid." - Unknown "He who laughs last didn't get it." - Unknown When there's a will, I want to be in it." - Unknown "A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright "Americans worship money. I have been looking for god all my life and he is right in my pocket." -Chris Rock Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster. Confusius say: Man who eat jelly beans fart in Technicolor "Dance my little puppets, Dance!" - God We're on a bridge CCHHAARRLLIIEE. "There's no such thing as a stupid question, until you ask it." -That-Guy-With-The-Glasses Bill Cosby: Don't yawn in the shower-you might drown. George Lopez: I got this! Me: Ouch. That's harsh.(I say that all the time) My friend: It's Beyonce! My friend: MMMMMMMBBBBOOOPPPPPP!! My other friend, Jacky(the one that has the account lionlambluv): SSHHAAUUU!!(Pernounced like SSSHHHH like you're shushing someone, and OOOWWW like you're hurt.) Edward+Bella:(Edward) And so the lion fell in luv with the lamb. (Bella) What a stupid lamb. (Edward) What a sick, masochistic lion. Alice: I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo "Just remember, inside every girl, there's a boy. That came out wrong..but you know what I mean." -Paul, Shes the Man 'I disagree with all he says but I'll defend to death his right to say it.' by Voltaire "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that do not work" -- Thomas Edison Futue te ipsum et caballum tuum - Srew you and the horse you rode in on. - Anonymous 'Smile in the face of adversity - and adversity will probably think you're taking the piss and beat the crap out of you.' from the profile of 'Talkin' of Normality ' 'There are very few problems that can't be resolved with an order ending with 'or I'll shoot'.'from the profile of 'Talkin' of Normality 'History is the sum total of things that might have been avoided.' from the profile of 'Alaranth-88' "If you love someone set them free. If they come home, set them on fire" -George Carlin "When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."-Mark Twain "Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards."- Robert Heinlein Here are some kewl quotes: There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train! If you dont like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk! A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence. If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind. Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with braile on them. If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out. Anyone who says nothings imposible has never tried slamming a revolving door "Bart, with 10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!" -Homer Simpson "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car" "I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof." "Cheese... milk's leap toward immortality." "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man...I could be eating a slow learner." -Lyndon B. Johnson "A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." -Oprah "I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly" We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do." "You say tomato...I say fuck you." When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?" "I cause cancer. Tee hee." ~ Multiple 'People' "Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?" ~ Anonymous "My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone." ~ Anonymous "If you know me, chances are you hate me." ~ Anonymous "Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." ~ Anonymous "When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back." ~ Anonymous "Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through." ~ Anonymous "The cracks in the cement are a reminder that no matter how strong you may be, you can break." ~ Anonymous "Anyone can be called a father, but only some can be a dad." ~ Anonymous "Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy...because it takes one smile to cover up a million tears." ~ Anonymous "If the heart is one of the strongest muscles, why is it so easy to break?" ~ Anonymous "Friends are like butt cheeks, shit may come between them, but they always stick together." ~ Anonymous "I like the idea of karma; you can go around and do bad things to people all day assuming they deserve it." ~ Anonymous "Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life." ~ Anonymous I wasn't born yesterday, and neither were you. If you were congratulations on learning how to read at such a young age~ lemony snicket Everything here is etible. Even I am edible, but that is cannibalism my children and frowned upon in most socioties~charlie and the chocolate factory Funny quotes ... If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. etc. A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit She ended up staying longer than As she walked along under the tall elm When she reached the alley, which was a However, halfway down the alley she She became uneasy and began to pray, Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness When she reached the end of the alley, The following day, she read in the Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and Thanking the Lord for her safety and to She felt she could recognize the man, so The police asked her if she would be She agreed and immediately pointed out When the man was told he had been The officer thanked Diane for her bravery She asked if they would ask the man one Diane was curious as to why he had not When the policeman asked him, he Amazingly, whether you believe or not, Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? If you love God with your whole heart and are 100 percent proud of it, copy & paste this in your profile If you think the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile. If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile If you have ever spelt or forgotten your name, copy and paste this on your profile If you're awesome, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever copied and pasted something in your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you don't want to copy and paste this into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a vampire, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever said a word, copy and paste this into your profile. If crayons are made of wax, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think sporks are cool, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have eyes, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever talked to a human, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're not going to copy and paste this into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're even mildly annoyed by all of the things I'm telling you to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. (Nah, I just don't go)I am the girl that's beautiful but something about her makes people stay away. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that could have any guy she wanted but just doesn't want any. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl who has known enough love for an entire lifetime but lost it. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows who she is and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care what people call her, who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better on paper than verbally, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, emmettcullenisTHEman, Alice W. Hale, vampirefan17, Miss.Thang Rosalie, Locketful o' Heartache, Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls. Smile... it confuses people. Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can! The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. There's a ME in AWESOME but there's also a WE. I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers. Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it." Therapist = The/rapist (scary thought -shudder-) Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it... I used to care, but I take a pill for that now. I can resist anything but temptation. The best place to hide is in plain sight. Guys aren't worth your tears. And God(CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was goood I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away. I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless. If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth. Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary. "Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork." Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?! So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun. Music is my boyfriend. Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that. Take Time To Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line Violence never solves anything. Unless you're not on school property! The rock says get back here kid you're gonna pay for that! I guess E means extra fuel! Hey why did my car just stop?! It's on E for extra fuel! Oh, well I guess it's broken, time to get a new one. Friends may come and go but family's always there. Hell with that I want my friends! SEE YA!! Let's do something manly like football, or hockey, or knit fuzzy sweaters! Did you just call me a bitch? Well, a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. So yeah, thanks for the compliment. Happy Bunny sayings 1. does it hurt being so dumb? 2. nobody's perfect. I'm as close as it gets. 3. It's not your falt. I'm blaming you anyway. :) 4. you're dumb. I like that. 5. this has been fun but i have to barf now. 6. It's sad your own mom dresses you like that. 7. I have a dream. and in it something eats you. 8. Kids are the future. frightened? (mwahahahahah we will rule the world!) 9. I hear the other icky people calling you. 10. life. get one 11. It's not my fault you're icky. 12. me pretending to listen should be enough for you. 13. let's be friends. I'd like a dumb friend. 14. but I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice. 15. I'm happy don't wreck it by talking. One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" Interesting and insane laws: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a 500 dollar fine. (Hmm... I'm not that sure all of the suicide terrorists will be scared off by that.) It is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants. (What... the...) It is illegal to allow a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. (Whoever passed this law was obviously half-asleep.) It is illegal to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight. (Hmm... that has potential. Oh, Natasha...) It is illegal to carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. (Oh great. Looks like we'll have to wait an extra hour to have lunch then.) It is illegal to drive a motor vehicle on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (In that case most of the world should be locked up in prison.) It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. (I'm sure we'll all be thinking of our stomachs when the building's on fire.) It is illegal to purchase an alcoholic beverage after midnight on Sunday, yet one may do so on Monday. (Makes sense if you think about it, but on first impression...) It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. (This might be better off in the "Only in America" section.) It is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (A pity. That's a novelty I'd pay money to see.) It is illegal to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Strange, but not illogical until you take into account that there is no coastline at all in the state in which this is a law...) It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. (AHH! HELP! FIRE!) The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (Whoever came up with this? We should give him a Nobel Prize for such a masterful logical conclusion.) A few annoying stereotypes: Bold the ones that apply to you. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty. I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. (Well, that's between them and God, isn't it?) I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.(Sheesh I hate this one! I just like the color people! Jeez...) I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a "big one". I'm EGYPTIAN, so I MUST be a terrorist. Footprints There was once a man who lived a long life. At the end of his life, he had a vision that he was walking with God down a beach. As he turned back, he realized that he could see his footsteps spreading out behind him, each one showing a different time in his life. Amazed, he noticed that some showed prosperous times, and others signified the difficult times he had gone through. He noticed that there were two sets of footsteps in the sand...his, and God's. When he looked closer though, he noticed that at times, there was only one set of footsteps...and these were at the times when his life had been hardest. Outraged, he turned to God. "Why did you abandon me?" he demanded. "Why did you leave me alone when my life grew hard. Those were the times that I needed you!" God turned to the man with sad eyes. "I was always with you," he replied. "At the times when your life was difficult, that was not when I abandoned you... That was when I carried you." -Mary Stevenson 1984 Have any of you girls got a guy that won't stop hitting on you? Try these comebacks!! (Underline = Boy Italic = Girl) “Where have you been all my life?” This is a true story: Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrusted the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad (add this to your profile if your against child abuse) I want child abuse to stop! and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile Thank you to flamin. guitarist for posting this in your profile and for letting others read it. My name is sarah CHILD ABUSE...MAKE IT STOP!!Please, be aware that child abuse happens everyday, and it isn't just physical, it's emotional too, and sometimes that hurts more than a beating from your parents. Physical abuse scars you on the outside and that pain will go away, but emotional abuse scars you on the inside and the pain of being called worthless never goes away. So please, help stop the abuse.you? This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded -If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile. If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. -Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! -If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. -If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile -If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. -If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile -If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. -If you've ever known you were in mortal danger but decided to go through with the stunt anyway, copy this into your profile -If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile -If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile -If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile -If you think Edward Cullen is hot, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you want to slice out Jacob Black's organs, throw them into a fire, and do a native dance around the fire, for what he did in Eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile.(Not really. I mean come on people! He's 16! He's just a kid in lurve!It's not his fault!) -92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile. -If you are on Team Edward, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you are absolutely in love with Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile. -If you have ever wanted to be that little hyper pixie of Alice, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. -If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile. -If you think that Emmett absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you cried, screamed, or threw a fit when Edward left Bella in New Moon, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I screamed and threw a fit, haha. i also cursed Edward. But it's too hard to stay mad at him. He's too hot for his own good!)) -If you think that the Twilight books are the best books known to woman and man, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you are addicted to FanFiction, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you agree with Bella that life without Edward is useless, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you've ever acted like a paranoid fool because you believe (or wish) that the Twilight characters exist, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If several inanimate objects hate you, post this on profile. In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." LOL 'American Idol' made it famous...the radio made it annoying! After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles." Edward Cullen made every girl want a bloodthirsty vampire instead of a knight in shining armor. I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. that and every oneof us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God. Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916 Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843 Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901 Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916 Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901 Bella Swan: Danger Magnet since 1987 You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us! Random questions ducksrule718 made! Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is If electricity comes from electrons, does morality Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's Can Bald people have Hairline fractures? If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it? If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries. Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on? Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway? In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section? Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge? If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk? Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you? If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it? If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven? You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them? If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant? If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe? If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets? How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time? If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"? When the French swear do they say pardon my English? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Girl: You should slow down, this is too fast Boy: This is how a motorcycle is supposed to feel but if you tell me you love me, i'll slow down Girl: I love you! Boy: Now you have to give me a hug. Girl: (She squeezed around the boys waist from behind him) Boy: Now you must take my helmet from my head and put it on you then i will slow down. Girl: (puts helmet on her head) Newspaper headline next morning: Fatal motorcycle accident after brakes went out, male died and female lived being the only one with a helmet. In truth the boy knew his breaks went out and told his girlfriend she loved him one last time and to feel her hug then he gave her his helmet so she could live. Lessons Learned in Twilight: 1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine. Random Questions If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit? Are children who act in 'R' rated moves allowed to see them? Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in a asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets? Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out." ? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt."? Isn't Disneyland just a people trap operated by a mouse? Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse? Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'? Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'? Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy? Why is it when some products you have to turn upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn down? Why do people say ,"you can't have your cake and eat it too" when no one would have a cake if they can't eat it? I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? Man: I would go to the end of the world for you! I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again. I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals. ur parents lied. ur not special. ur just stupid. Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fer upside the head Good friends give you a ride. Close friends buy you a car. Best friends are the getting-away-from-the-scene-of-the-crime driver. We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong. Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse. Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say "Are you gonna drink that?" Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes. Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake. Guns don't kill people. I do. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. "He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron." "They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?" "People fear the strange and unusual. I AM the strange and unusual." "When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE." my imaginary friend doesn't like you either i hate it wen the voices argue wit my imaginary friends Smile. It confuses people. Random Randomness I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot. I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it. flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. I've got problem for your solution... Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. Every rule has an exception. Especially this one. Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything. The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45. When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade. Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship. Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them. Don't mess with me I've got a stick. I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons! I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have Somebody needs a Happy Meal. For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when you fill up the tab seperators in your binders withe doodles/love notes/comfessions of love/any other Twilght related thing you can think of about Twilight or the Twilight characters. Crazy is when you can open up Twilight and know exactly which part you're at by reading one word. Crazy is when you print out copies of all the twilight series covers and put them on the wall of your closet. Crazy is when you go to the most expensive store within fifty miles of your home, try on almost every peice of clothing, then walk out with nothing, saying none of it was your style. Crazy is when you break a bone and laugh. Crazy is when you start saying different names from random shows wit your friend just to see who knows more names. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list! Never hide the bodies in the same place, your closet gets full after a while. "I'll hold it and you light the fuse." "So, you're a cannibal." "Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing." Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. 'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO! I could tell you what happened in the first chapter of Breaking Dawn, but then I would have to kill you. I ran with scissors, and lived! You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor If two wrongs don't make a right, try three "When all else fails, blow shit up." I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow "Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again To put it nicely, I hope you choke "True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream" Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn I'm not insensitive, I just don't care True love isn't free, but i'd pay anything to have it real life isn't full of happily ever afters, just bursts of happiness that don't last very long If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem. The world is cruel... get used to it! Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal. If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler. The evil gnomes poked me in the bum wit a stick. Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things and no good thing ever dies, except my dog scruffy, he got hit by a car. Welcome to the world of very scary fearies! Killing gnomes with sporks! Would you like a cookie? So would I. You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear Don't take it personally.. but you smell like an ice cube Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck. A day without sunshine is like... night. A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?" A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water! Behold the mighty...chihuahua? Busy polking my neighbor with a spork. shes really old and wrinkly this is fun muahahaha Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!! Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls. Feeding my pet old person right now...! Hello. You have reached The Autopsy-profile. If you are already cut open, Press 1.If you are ordering a new body, Press 2.If you are ordering a cut body, Press 3.If you are picking up a body, Press 4.If you chose none of the options above, please stay on the profile. You will soon be tracked down and picked up in a nice cozy black 'sleeping-bag'.Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Autopsy-profile! I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect! I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I? I do what cheerios tell me. I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'. I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my...other handle? Shit. now i'm a sugar bowl I'm bartending at an AA meeting I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! (haha just like Edward Cullen!! :D) I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in background: Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me: That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that... I'm out driving with my keys in an electrical outlet... If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth. My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet... Someday my prince will come. he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions. The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole. If at first you don't succeed, try walking around the brick wall. You have more chance of dying by an asteroid collision than in a plane crash. The dimensions of the Space Shuttle, one of humanities greatest achievements, were specified over 2500 years ago by a horse. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Try Not To Cry: Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school, He told his friends that it was cool, And when he pulled the trigger back, It shot with a great, huge crack. Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold! When I went to school that day, I never said good-bye. I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry. When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another, And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother. Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much, And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush. And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class, And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this. But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss. And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry. Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest, But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could please listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live. But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you" In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. A good or best friend! A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you. A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore. A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial. A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story. A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries. Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions Friend: Will help me learn to drive Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Best Friend: Won't let me go away Friend: Will help me up when I fall down Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me Friend: Will bail me out of jail Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up" Friend: Will go to a concert with me Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad" Friend: Asks me for my number Best friend: Asks me for her number Friend: Hides me from the cops Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too. Friends: Fade Best Friends: Are 4 Ever list of stuff 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. 7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog. 8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. 11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. 12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. ONE FOR THE GIRLS! (1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "i'll miss you..." (2)Dear Lord, (3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for (4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat. Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead, who keeps your picture in his wallet, who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants, who holds your hand in front of all his freinds, who thinks your beautiful without makeup, one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you, THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER! Did you know... kissing is healthy. bananas are good for period pain. it's good to cry. chicken soup actually makes you feel better. 94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. lying is actually unhealthy. you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you. 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.(my mother has to jut out her chin because she foged up the mirror) chocolate will make you feel better. most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. a good friend never judges. a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any. boys aren't worth your tears. we all love surprises. Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard! WISH WISH WISH WISH Your wish has just been recieved. Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. Ninety-three percent of the teen population would die if Hannah Montanna or The Simpsons said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this if you would be part of the seven percent that'd be LAUGHING YOUR BUTT OFF! If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. Warning: I am not normal. My friends are not normal. My stories are not normal. If you know the answer to life, the universe, and everything, copy and paste this to your profile. (Yeah, It's called Edward Cullen) If you've ever imagined killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her fictional boyfriend If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. Too many people have died because of other's need of fame and fortune. If you care, post this on your profile. If you are someone who begs to differ from the crowd, copy this and paste it into your profile. If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile(on a daily basis...I can think of one now!) Olny srmat poelpe can raed this. cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. Girls ... to the top A girl asked a guy if she was pretty; he said no. She asked him if he wanted her; he said no. She asked him if she left, would he cry; he said no. She turned to leave; he grabbed her arm and said, 'Your're not pretty, you're beautiful. And I don't want, you I need you. And I wouldn't cry if you left; I would die.' if you believe these or think they are true, copy them onto your profile If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. 1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry @#&!! 2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 6. When you are confused, I will use little words. 7. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt. This is my oath. I pledge it until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel its warmth. A friend will bail you outta jail, a best friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying either, "We really screwed up," or "That was fun!" You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid ass! When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide. A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work. If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation. If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile. If you talk back to the TV (or the computer, or a book), copy this into your profile. If you have ever been the only one to think some really stupid joke was funny, copy this into your profile. TGWF: Thank God We're Female If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? Boy, you're wrong! I didn't fall for you, you tripped me! Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. If you think normal people are boring, copy and paste this on your profile. You don't need a reason to be happy, you only need a reason to be sad. 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile If whenever you see a sliver Volvo you run down the street screaming, "EDWARD!", copy and paste this into your profile. If your friends are always trying to tell you to shut up but you dont, copy and paste this onto your profile. If your friends are considering torturing you to stop you talking about a fictional character, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are in love with a fictional character, copy and paste this onto your profile. There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and paste it in your profile. A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile. If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you KNOW the voices in your head are real, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ORFS (Obsessive Rabid Fangirl Syndrome) and are proud of it, copy this and paste it in your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile. If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you're in junior high and the boys in your class still haven't gotten rid of their cooties, copy and paste to your profile. If you think fighting is fun, but war is pointless, copy this into your profile. Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso . 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds" 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuation 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!! 37 Things to do in an Elevator 1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" I told my boyfriend that an overprotective vampire watches me sleep and that he is the real love of my life, he was okay as long as Edward left me alone I told my parents the same thing... now I'm in a mental institution. I told my enemy my best friend was a werewolf, she laughed I told my best friend the same thing, she slapped me Funny Sayings from random webs: The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them. I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didn't work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness. A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station... You can't be late until you show up. Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. If you can't convince them, confuse them. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. Funny Twilight stuff: The future is not always set in stone you cane enjoy the bouquet while resisting the wine Verify news before doing something stupid Love can be like heaven in the middle of hell They can't make them like a Cullen any more It's understandable for little kids to be scared of doctors. Especially vampire doctors! Mythical creatures seem to like rain. having a pulse is over-rated Edward Cullen puts the Greek gods to shame Real men sparkle Hybrids are cool 'Vegatarian' has many meanings Clumsy is not something to be ashamed of Rain isn't an omen, just unavoidable Hearing voices in your head doesn't mean you're crazy you can lie in your thoughts What's dangerous to the body is dangerous to the heart stupid lambs and sick masochistic lions are good pairs Everyone has a soul mate, even if it takes a hundred years to find yours Imprinting can suck Nothing beats an irritable grizzly. Reviewing makes the heart grow fonder, and the updates faster! If you have ever talked to you self, copy and paste this to your profile If, for those people in therapy, you would suggest reading twilight, copy and paste this to your profile If you a so obsessed with Twilight that you friends stay away to avoid the consequences, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this to your profile If you randomly quote Twilight, copy and paste this to your profile 92 percent of teenagers do drugs, If you are part of the 8 percent who do Twilight instead, copy and paste this to your profile 98 percent of teens would have an mental breakdown if someone told them they were freaks, if your part of the 2 percent who would say "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this to your profile If sometimes you make up those percentages to get your point across then copy and paste this to your profile When you get caught looking, just remember, he was looking back. You know you're obsessed when: 1. Someone says the word car and you say, and I quote(obviously), "Speaking of Italy and sports cars I stole there, you still owe me a yellow porshe." 2. You keep your balcony door unlocked at night, waiting for Edward 3. You pull all-nighters to read fanfics 3. Too many more to name, I'm sure my friends are so sick of me by now they could name a few 92 percent of kids come from broken families, if you like COOKIES, copy and paste this onto your profile If you had a choice between human and vampire, and you would choose vampire, copy and paste this to your profile. If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this to your profile. If you are madly in love with a Twilight or HP character(preferably twilight) copy this on your profile(Not HP! TWILIGHT BOYS ALL THE WAY!) If you are alive, copy and paste this to your profile If you are dead, copy and paste this to your profile(lol) If you screamed over watching the Twilight trailers, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're absoPOSIlutely in love with Edward Cullen until no other guy can even come CLOSE to him, copy and paste this into your profile. If your dad thinks you're mad for falling in love with a vampire, copy and paste this into your profile. If you won't let ANYONE team Jacob touch your Twilight books, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've told your parents you only want a 911 Porsche Turbo in YELLOW, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've screamed at someone who told you Edward was fictional, copy and paste this into your profile. If you constantly search the roads for a silver Volvo, copy and paste this into your profile. If you scream "EDWARD!" when you see that Volvo, copy and paste this into your profile. If you daydream about Edward appearing in your life, copy and paste this into your profile. 'Never take life seriously, no one gets out alive anyway.' 'There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.' Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you. Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then! I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. My favorite word is sarcasm. Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that. I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to. Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up. Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over. Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world? Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon. When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash, honey; I don't live to please you. They say, "Guns don't kill people- people kill people." Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG!" I don't think you'd kill too many people, you know? You know, there are poor people in Africa who can't afford sarcasm, and yet you abuse it! Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids. Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !) Death is hereditary. There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side. A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Funny sayings, Funny Words of Wisdom 1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. 4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. 5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. 6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue. 8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. 9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. 10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" 11. My Reality Check bounced. 12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key. 13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. 14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. 16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. 17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level. 18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? 19. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you. 20. If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good 21. The family that sticks together should bathe more often. 22. The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here!! 23. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 24. I intend to live forever - so far, so good. 25. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 26. Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely Signs: Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP! Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached. 1. He's dead Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me 2. Oh yea? If you're so smart, why don't I understand you? 3. Oh, I'm sorry, were the voices in my head bothering you? 4. I can't remember the last time I forgot something. 5. Time is the best teacher, but it kills all its students. 6. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? 7. Why remember quotes when you can make them up? Notice in a dry cleaner's window: Sign on motorway garage: Seen during a conference: Notice in a field: Sign at Norfolk farm gate: Sign on a famous beauty parlor window: Notice in the toilet When you dial a Mental Hospital... RING...RING... Welcome to the Psychiatric Ward. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear Things You Don't Want To Hear During a Surgery - Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? - Hand me that... uh... whatever it's called ! - Oh no! I just lost my watch. - "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness" - Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog! - Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. - Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before? - There go the lights again... - Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em. - Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! - Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off. - What's this doing here? - I hate it when they're missing stuff in here. - That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?! - Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us. -You sure it wasn't this leg? - OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature. - Are his relatives waiting outside? - Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card? - Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough. - What do you mean, "You want a divorce"! - FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out! - This scissor looks rusted. - Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing! - Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance? - Now from where did this spider come in from. Advice: Never trust a dog to watch your food. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Stay away from prunes. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Never try to baptize a cat. Ways to annoy people: Sing the Batman theme incessantly. Ask people what gender they are. Practice making fax and modem noises. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Speak only in a "robot" voice. Blow your nose when some one is eating. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " ! Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Name your dog "Dog." Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace." Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." Drum on every available surface. Staple papers in the middle of the page. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. Set alarms for random times. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. only type in lowercase. dont use any punctuation either Repeat everything someone says, as a question. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. Wear a LOT of cologne. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. Never make eye contact. Never break eye contact. Make appointments for the 31st of September. Invite lots of people to other people's parties. Things you really shouldn't say: What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? That shirt makes you look fat. If I throw a stick, will you leave? Gosh, why don't you kill me already and put me out of my misery? I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. No, that does not look good on you. I am a girl. It is wise to walk a mile in a man's shoes before judging him... That way you're a mile away and you have his shoes. "Never hire a colorblind electrician." "If you are good you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good you will get out of it." "A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking." "Maybe this world is another planet's hell." "Sometimes you're the windshield, but sometimes you gotta be the bug." "I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib." "Always listen to experts- they'll tell you confidently what can't be done and why. Then go ahead and do it." "After all is said and done a heck of a lot more is said than done." "At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote." "Happiness is your dentist telling you "it won't hurt a bit," and then he catches his hand in the drill." "The good news is that you may have screwed up my past and created my present but you have no control over my future." Let's play truth or dare! Or maybe just dare, because nobody seems to tell the truth anymore. "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive Everybody is somebody else's weirdo Live dangerous...Run with scissors. I'm so clever that sometimes, I don't even know what I'm saying Love is like snot. You keep picking at it until you get to it, then you wonder what to do with it. In order to get to heaven, you have to make a little hell. If you try and don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. You ask for advice? Yeah, not so good at that. May I offer you a sarcastic comment instead? Don'y play games with someone who can play better. Stand up for what you believe in, even is it means standing alone. People will always talk about you. Might as well give them something to talk about. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. In a world of cheerios, be a Froot-Loop. Light travels faster than sound. That's why people appear bright until you hear them speak. Want to know who your real friends are? Mess up and see who is still standing beside you. Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Remember, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, twenty-eight to smile, but it only takes four to reach out and to punch someone. If you belive in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven. Ninety-six percent of teens in the world today don't stand up for God. If you are one of the 4 percent that does put this in your profile. Mottos: 1. If someone looks at you funny, flip them the finger. 2. When someone tells you to act your age, yell at the top of your lungs "I AM!" 3. When a parent/guardian asks you, "What did you learn at school today?" answer, "I learnt how to survive it." 4. Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it. 5. Remember that all actions have reactions... (You don't wana know why I put this in here, believe me!) 6. When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Say to them, "Well of course it is! Why the hell would I keep looking for it after I found it?!" 7. While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?" 8. Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. 9. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. 10. I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. 11. To attract men, wear a perfume called New Car Interior. TEAM EDWARD ALL THE WAY! The 10 Commandments of a Teenager! 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. 2) Thou shall not do drugs. 3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. 4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. 5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. 6) Thou shall not get into fights. 7) Thou shall not skip class. 8) Thou shall not kiss boys in school. (Kiss them outside insted.) 9) Thou shall not worry about tests. (Just cheat on them: better marks.) 10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to berry the body of the person that made you cry. FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs. FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say, "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!" FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this. BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this shit! Hey you! I know you're just dying to do this!! 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. THE ANSWERS 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday! Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master... He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher... He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer... He had no army, yet kings feared him... He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world... He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him... He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us... If you believe in the tiune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost then copy and paste this in your profile If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says... "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..." So true! Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley bored, Gem W, Bara- Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Carzy Billie Joe loving freak, shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/ fairy to be, The Gypsy- Pirate Queen, MCR Rocks, Andrew Laplante, Twilight's October Sky, LittleGothGirl13. KagomeMiko92, apparox148, the-purple-fuzzle, Tinatheturtle, doubletime twins, azzDOGG, Locketful o' Heartache, YOUR GUY SIDE: YOUR GIRL SIDE: okay, so I got 18 more on my guy's side than my girl's. WHAT THE CRAP? DOES THAT MEAN I'M A GUY?! SON OF A @#& DOCTOR MUST'VE GOTTEN THE DIAGNOSIS WRONG! Lol. JK! Did I fool you? Prob not but whatev. Copy and Paste things!! This is Bunny. (\_/) ()() Copy and paste Bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination! On the other hand, this is Kitty. /l /l ( (l) ) ( (l) ) -V- Kitty is Bunny's nemesis. Or evil accomplice. Nobody really knows. Either way, copy and paste Kitty as well, or Bunny will get lonely! Do YOU remember the 90s??... Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if You remember watching -Doug -Ren & Stimpy -Pinky and the Brain -AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! -Rockos modern Life. -Animaniacs -Gargoyles You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!" You just cant resist finishing this . . . "in west Philadelphia born and raised . . ." You remember -Step by Step -Family Matters -Dinosaurs -Boy Meets World You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. You remember reading "Goosebumps" You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not When everything was settled by -rock paper scissors or -bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or -ms. mary mack When kick ball was a daily activity. When we used to obey our parents You used to listen to the radio all day long just to r ecord your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape. You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular. You remember The Original Game Boy. You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny. You remember watching -The Magic School Bus -Wishbone -Reading Rainbow -and Ghostwriter on PBS You remember when Yo-Yos were cool. You remember those Where's Waldo books. You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum. You remember watching -the 1st Batman -Aladdin -Ninja Turtles -ghost busters You remember Ring Pops. If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!" You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players. Making those little paper fortune things, and then predicting your life with them. You played and/or collected "Pogs" You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere. One word. . . . . . . .trolls. Windows 95 was the best. You watched the original cartoons of -Rugrats -Wild Thornberry's -Power Ra ngers -Rocket Power. All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand. You collected those Beanie Babies. Carebears Lambchop's song never ended. Silver dollars, which were cool to have. Everyone watched the WB. If you even know what an original walkman is. You know the Macarena by heart. "Talk to the hand" . . . enough said You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace. You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground. Before the MySpace frenzy . . . Before the Internet & text messaging . . . Before Sidekicks & iPods . . . Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . . Before Spongebob . . . Before Tupac was shot. When light up sneakers were cool. When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs. When gas was 0.95 a gallon. When we recorded stuff on VCRs. You had slap bracelets! You Actually played outside until it was dark! Way back. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear. Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days . .. When she walks away from you mad When she stares at your mouth When she pushes you or hits you When she starts cussing at you When she's quiet When she ignores you When she pulls away When you see her at her worst When you see her start crying When you see her walking When she's scared When she lays her head on your shoulder When she steals your favorite hat When she teases you When she doesn't answer for a long time When she looks at you with doubt When she says that she likes you When she grabs at your hands When she bumps into you When she tells you a secret When she looks at you in your eyes When she misses you When you break her heart When she says its over When she repost this bulletin Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will : If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile. If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in you're profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile. If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile. If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, put it on your profile. If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, copy this into your profile If you wished you could either own or star in primeval copy and paste this onto your profile If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile(Try 450 pg + book in less then one day)For some reason i don't think i should be proud of that Sorry about all the repeats on here, i TRIED TO GET AS MANY OF THEM THAT ARE THE SAME OFF, BUT IT'S HARD TO DO ON SOME OF THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE NUMBERED AND IF i TAKE OUT THE NUMBERS 3, 6, 5, AND 9 i'LL LOOK LIKE A TOTAL MORON. sO... yA. tHAT'S HOW IT IS AND THAT'S HOW IT'S GONNA STAY. (uNTIL I POST MORE STUFF)wHOA, i TYPED THAT IN CAPS ON ACCIDENT LOL. Lol I typed that in caps too! Love, Locketful o’ Heartache Stuff for my Story: A New Family, New Friends, and a New...Love? Links Clothes for chapter 3 Alice’s top, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Apparel/Tops/Green-And-Black-Checkered-Razor-Tank-Top-298081.jsp Alice’s shorts, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Apparel/Bottoms/Splattered-Distressed-Denim-Shorts-256807.jsp Alice’s shoe’s, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Shoes/Sneakers/Vans-Black-LaceUp-Shoes-165798.jsp Rosalie’s top, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Apparel/Tops/Black-And-Red-Striped-VNeck-Top-265075.jsp Rosalie’s skirt, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Apparel/Bottoms/Tripp-Red-Heart-Tutu-Skirt-271514.jsp Jasper’s hoodie, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Apparel/Hoodies/Black-Red-And-Grey-Striped-Hoodie-868759.jsp Jasper’s denims, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Apparel/Bottoms/Social-Collision-Black-Stinger-Fit-Denim-Pants-216964.jsp Jasper’s shoes, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Shoes/Sneakers/Converse-Chuck-Taylor-All-Star-Black-High-Top-685628.jsp Edward’s hoodie, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Apparel/Hoodies/Reggae-Striped-Hoodie-881900.jsp Edward’s shoes, chapter 3: http:///hottopic/Shoes/Sneakers/Converse-All-Star-Neon-Shoe-Print-Low-Tops-322419.jsp Now for a new segment called: drum roll plz… ANSWERS FOR MY FANSTERS!! (Wow. That was probably one of my most corny moments ever, lol.) Q 1: Is it an all human story? A: Yes. Carlisle and Esme just have their eyes the gold color because I thought that would be cool. Q 2: How old is Bella? A: Bella is 17. I’m just going to say all of the ages and occupancies now to hopefully avoid future confusion. Bella Swan/Cullen = 17, junior in Forks High School, Emmett’s now adopted sister, single Edward Masen = 17, junior in Forks High School, Alice’s playa of a brother, single, but he has make out sessions all the time Emmett Cullen = 18, senior in Forks Highs School, Bella’s new brother, Rosalie’s boyfriend Rosalie Hale = 18, senior in Forks High School, Jasper’s twin, Emmett’s girlfriend Jasper Hale = 18, senior in Forks High School, Rosalie’s twin, Alice’s boyfriend Alice Masen = 17, junior in Forks High School, Jasper’s girlfriend Carlisle Cullen = 34, doctor in Forks hospital, Esme’s husband, Emmett and Bella’s father (Bella’s adoptive father) Esme Cullen = 33, home decorator, Emmett and Bella’s mother (Bella’s adoptive mother) Renée Swan = IDK but I don’t think it really matters though cuz she’s dead, Bella’s birth mother Charlie Swan = IDK but I don’t think it really matters though cuz he’s dead, (Ouch, that was kinda cold, sorry.) Bella’s birth father Q 3: How did Bella’s mom give her the Victoria’s Secret silk pajamas a few years ago when she died when she was eight? (It wasn’t really a question but I can answer it better this way.) A: I’m so sorry about that. It was already morning when I was typing that and I didn’t realize that it didn’t really make sense. Again, sorry. Comment by Sammy May Cullen: I thought all of the normal Cullens/Hales would live there but I was wrong. A: Yeah, they aren’t all related and don’t live in the same house, cuz it’d be weird if Bella was adopted by them and Edward was her brother. (Imagine the kids-shudder-. Lol, jk.) And I just thought it would work out better this way. Statement by me: Jacob probably isn’t going to play a very big or good part in this. He might be on La Push’s football team with the rest of the Quileute boys and come to Forks High for a game, or he might just be another playa, or he might just be a friend, or he might date Bella but not be a playa. I haven’t decided yet. (Sorry for all of the Jacob lovers if I make him a mean/sleazy/ man whore. I love Jacob too but Edwards my boi. :p ) Nuther statement by me: If you put your name in a review and want me to, I’ll try to put it in the story. : D OMG, I’m so glad I got that outta the way. And thank you if you took all the time to read that, it’ll help if you were/are confused. If you didn’t read it, plz go back and do so. It’s muy importante. (Very important.) Thanks peepsle! Ya, that's right. I said peepsle. Watcha gonna do bout it? HUH?! Lol, jk. Thanks for taking the time to read my profile, it means a lot. If you’re a girl and you’ve never beaten a guy in an arm wrestle, Copy the Flaming Heart of Youthfulness into your profile! (sorry girls only) (I’ve actually flung a guy outta his seat onto the ground cuz I was so much stronger than he was during an arm wrestle XD. But I liked the heart lol =P) ._.s_s _ _³§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ _0_0_0 | |||||||
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