Locketful o' Heartache
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Joined 05-14-09, id: 1934941, Profile Updated: 12-31-09
Author has written 10 stories for Twilight, and Misc. Books.

Hey people! My name's ... and I live in the horrible state, ...! Most people think it's supposed to be awsum, but I think it sucks. I really wanna move to Forks, Washington. And if you haven't read Twilight then you probably don't know where that is. In which case you better GET THE HECK OFF MY PROFILE AND DON'T COME BACK 'TIL YOU HAVE!...Lol. K. Now that THAT'S over, my friends say I'm a complete weirdo, but they think I'm funny and most people like me. I say most because i do have a few enemies. Okay, A LOT of enemies. But that's not my fault though, they brought it on themselves, lol. But my friends are really awsum people, and I love them to death. (But not in a lesbianish way. I'm not lesbian. But I do respect their struggle and support them all the way. :D ) Now that I said all that, on to other stuff. About me! Lol.

VERY IMPORTANT! MUY IMPORTANTE! YOU HAVE TO READ THIS!! Now Brooklyn speak: EY! EY YOU'S! GET OVA ERE! YOU GOTTA READ DIS! I'm totally jk about the Brooklyn speak, so hope nobody out ther takes offense. :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Stephenie Meyer is the creator and owner of Twilight! Now:

Since I luv my friends SOOOOO MUCH, I'm gonna tell you about 2 of them. I have two of my bf's writing here on fanfiction, and you NEED to go see them! They are AWESOME!! One of their name's is lionlambluv, and her name is Jacky. She is an amazing writer and friend. :D The next is Tomboy Amy, her name is ..., she doesn't wanna say, but she says it’s ok if you call her Amy or Mia for short. She is also an amazing writer and friend, and she writes abuse poems for her friend who was abused, which is incredibly sweet and awesome of her. :D K, that's it. Now you can read the rest if you WANT. But plz do. :P

June 25, 2009

AAHHHH! I'M GONNA CRY! MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD! THE KING OF POP! DEAD! AH!

As a tribute to him, PM me and I'll send you the lyrics to Thriller or Beat It. Just say “Goodbye King of Pop" ANd then whichever song you want.

June 26, 2009

I'm happy! I'm gonna see Transformers Revenge of the Fallen today with one of my besties, Jacky (lionlambluv). YAY!

June 26, 2009

Transformers. Was. AWESOME!! IT WAS SO COOL!! that's all I got's to say... :P

August 7, 2009

I saw Sammy Hagar today! In person!! I was getting out of the car and he was walking by me and he looked at me, and then he just kept walking, and then my dad’s all, “Holy shit! That was Sammy Hagar!” And my mom’s all, “Nuh uh!” And he’s all, “Uh huh!” (Haha, that sounded childish XD) and then we went into the store and my mom was all freaking out and said, “Come on! Let’s get a picture!” But my dad was all, “Go and get one if you wanna!” But we didn’t D’= She didn’t wanna go without him :P. I’m still so f-ing sad that we didn’t get to meet him. My uncle knows him cuz Sam goes to his Deli, and Sammy invited him to something that I forgot the name of :P. And my mom wanted to get invited too but we didn’t go see him. I only looked at him close up for a few seconds and that was like hours ago but I still remember what he was wearing: Black sunglasses (duh), an openwhite/tan/yellowish plaid button up shirt with a plain white shirt under it, khaki shorts and I think tan sandals, maybe slippers :P. But hell, now I can say I’ve seen Sammy Hagar in person! And if you don’t know who he is I will be very disappointed in you and you shall not receive a cookie. (Heehee XD)

August 14, 2009

WOO! Great America was freaking awesome! I’ve been there before but that was on a field trip and another was with my family, but this time I really enjoyed it! Well, except the end part cuz I had to just sit and wait, in the sun, on a hard cement bench thing and I got really bad sunburn on my face, neck, and arms. But it was soooo worth it =D

Oh btw, I saw the movie “Push.” It was really cool! S’all I gotta say…-for now =D-

Hobbies: SOCCER!! LUV IT!! Played for eight years so far, playing football(tackle cuz touch is for sissies, no offense to those that play touch :D) reading/reviewing/writing, playing with my pets, texting (duh), talking with my friends/hanging out with them, LUUUUUVVVVVV roughhousing with my bro and dad, skating, drawing, and OoooH! I'm a biggee on sleeping until noon, or as long as I can.

Personality: Tomboy but I don't really look like it. Got a crazy sense of humor that cracks my friends UP! Gotta HUGE temper that is hard to get out completely but when it is you wish you could just crawl in a hole and die just to get away from my wrath. I'm strong, not as strong as I used to be cuz I was the strongest girl in my school (I'm pretty sure I was, cuz I roughhoused with the other strong girls and I always won.) and now I got the upper body strength of a fish, lol, but my leg strength is KILLER! Gotta really caring side that i don't show anyone outside my family or unless someone I know is hurt, then I do all I can to help them. And though i act like a total jerk sometimes, I'm actually kinda fragile. And my feelings get hurt REALLY easily. But I almost NEVER show it. Lol, I HATE talking about feelings. makes me feel like such a pansy XD.

Fav outfit: Probably what I'm wearing right now. A sorta tight brown shirt that has rhinestones along the front of it on the neckline that has sleeves that go to about the elbows. Skinny blackish/dark blue jeans with my airwalk kicks. They're mostly black with a purple ripped up purple peace sign on the sides with a couple of rhinestones on the side of it. My hair down and really curly with sterling silver hoop earrings, a Rasta necklace, two Rasta bracelets on my left wrist, a black heart bracelet and a Tiffany charm bracelet with a "C" on it on my right wrist.

Fav T.V. Shows/Movies: Twilight (MAJOR DUH!), Two and a Half Men, The Tenth Kingdom, Paranormal State, George Lopez(he's awsum! My parents went to his concert and they said he was hilarious!) Malcolm in the Middle, Simpsons, Monk, ABDC (America's Best Dance Crew), American Idol(sort of), Gridiron Gang(great movie), That 70's Show, Futurama(but they canceled it on Adult Swim a while ago so i hardly ever get to watch it anymore), Psych, Burn Notice, Hot Fuzz, The Simpsons Movie, Benchwarmers, Gracie, Boyz N the Hood, Royal Pains,The Replacements, and a bunch more but I can't think of any more right now but probably will later.

Fav Artists/Band: Linkin Park, The Eagles, Eric Clapton, Debussy(That one's relatively new. Picked it up from Twilight.), Kanye West, Flo Rida, Soulja Boi, Katy Pery, Lady Gaga, Dan McLean, Bob Marley+his son Ziggy Marley, Metallica, The Beatles, Rage Against the Machine, Eminem, Paramore, Taylor Swift, Akon, AC/DC, Aerosmith, KISS, Black Sabbath, Led Zepplin, Van Halen, My Chemical Romance, The Fray, Three Days Grace, Jimmy Eat World, Panic! at the Disco, Black Eyed Peas, The Clash, crux, Def Leppard, Earth Wind and Fire, Grateful Dead, Jimi Hendrix, Kid Rock, Korn, Queen, Rolling Stones, Smash Mouth(what can I say? I'm kind of a weirdo when it comes to music. Well, when it comes to anything really), Styx(sorta), Timbaland, U2, Weird Al Yankovic(he's hilarious), T.I., Pantera, Iron Maiden, Eagles, James Blunt, Pitbull, and more but again i forgot them.

Likes: Dogs(pretty much any furry animal), Snakes(LUV EM! I held a snake around my neck once. It was so cool! pretty much any type of cold blooded reptile), Tarantulas(They're SOOO cool! I almost held one once but then I had to leave the place. I was so P.O.ed! And pretty much any spider.), Skateboards, music, Vans, Airwalks, Skinny jeans, rain, coldness, air(lol), sitting doing nothing, Hawaii, T.V., videogames, soccer, football, motorcycles, cars, my friends(Aww!), purposely annoying my brother, fanfiction(well there's a big stupid duh. would i be here if I didn't?) having random collections of stupid stuff that I find, Twilight (another big stupid duh), playing bodyshots and bloody knuckles and a punch for a punch, gummy worms, gummy bears, gum(pretty much anything gummy), tictacs, fishing, reading, writing, being silly.

Dislikes: Miley cirus(what a freak! No disrespect to ppl that don't, but I hate her :P), watching baseball, ankle socks(Urgh, they’re just so annoying! They always slip off your feet!), annoying ppl, being insulted, my mom breaking up my fist fights right after they start to get fun, pplz telling me to clean my room, mushrooms (Oh how I loathe mushrooms), pplz trying to change me, not being able to text, ppl talking behind my back, not having a T.V. in my room (Oh gawd it’s pure torture!), ppl telling me my music is too loud, ppl insulting my choice of music, ppl rejecting my opinions, ppl that think they’re all that, ppl that steal my stuff and throw it across the room (Yes, ppl do that, but don’t worry, it’s kinda like an inside joke. A really mean, inside joke. Lolz jk, but ppl do do that (HAHA I SAID DO DO! Lolz) : P), getting dog hair on me, not being able to talk with my besties, ppl that act nice but are actually really mean, really hot DAYS, WHEN MY CAPS LOCK GETS STUCK! Ok! I fixed it lolz. Not being able to update cuz I can’t use the computer, moving (I just hate the packing and loading part. Urgh it’s horrible!), not being able to play soccer, my hair getting in my face, stupid chick flicks, scary movies that get you all freaked out cuz you think it’ll be like horrifying but then they’re not scary at all –cough The Uninvited cough-, and hecka others.

Fav Series/Onesies: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Pendragon, Maximum Ride, Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series, Inkheart, Inkspell, Inkdeath(I don't really like those three that much), Fablehaven 1-4, The 13th Reality, Storm Thief, Dragon Songs, The Davinci Code(ya I know I'm a freak when it comes to book selections), Septimus Heap Magyk 1-4, Dragon Rider, The Sea of Trolls, The Land of the Silver Apples, The Host, The Invention of Hugo Cabret, The Thief Lord, The House of the Scorpion(Has 3 medals,. You guys should probably look into it, it's really good.), The Candy ShopWar, The Tale of Desperaux, Time Cat, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, The Goosebumps series, The Shakespeare Stealer series, The Cirque DU Freak series, The Roman Mysteries Series, and a buncha others.

Fav Colors: Almost all shades of blue, green, black, purple, silver, gold.

Fav Food Type: Filipino and American.

Nationality: Half Filipino, almost half Irish but I gotta bit of German-Dutch going on in there.

Fav icecream: I got four: chocolate (=D), chocolate chip cookie dough (=D), cookies and cream (=D), and mint chip. I like it too Jacky! (=D)

Fav Funny Conversations: One of my teachers and my friend. I forgot what they were talking about but i remember the funny part. My friend: But that's not fair!(He's kinda-cough cough- stupid.) My teacher: Never say fair! It's just a four letter F word.1.ALice

2.Jacob

3.Embry

4.Tanya

5.Bella

6.Seth

7.Edward

8.Emmett

9.Marcus

10.Jasper

11.Renesmee

12.Leah

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven (Seth/Renesmee) fic? Do you want to?

Urm, no I haven’t and no I probably wouldn’t. Seth and Nessie are cool and all, (and if I could get Nessie to go after Seth so I could have Jacob I so totally would XD) but they just don’t seem right for each other :P

2. Do you think Four(Tanya) is hot? How hot?

HELL TO THE NO! NOT JUST NO, NOT JUST HELL NO, BUT HELL TO THE NO!!

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight (Leah/Emmett) pregnant?

Oh gawd! No way in freaking hell man! But I’m betting that if that did happen Emmett must’ve been a Helen Keller XD

(No disrespect to Helen Kellers though)

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine (Marcus)?

Ya know, I don’t think so actually :P

5. Would Two and Six(Jacob/Seth) make a good couple?

Ha! Hell no! Soooo not for each other. Seth’s too happy and easy going, and Jacob generally is too but he can get so sad, scary, controlling, demanding, and pessimistic sometimes!

6. Five/Nine(Bella/Marcus) or Five/Ten?(Bella/Jasper) Why?

Oh wow, 5/10 definitely! Cuz Jasper’s one hot vampire! (I woulda described him better than that, but there are some things you just don’t wanna tell pplz…

7. What would happen if Seven(Edward) walked in on Two and Twelve (Jacob/Leah) having sex?

Aww! Poor Edward! I bet he wouldn’t have though, cuz he’d have either invaded the Quileute’s territory, which he most likely wouldn’t have one to just see Leah and Jake getting it on, or they’d invaded the Cullens’ territory, and I doubt that they would do that just so they could have sex there :P. But if it did happen, I’m guessing he’d have a severe breakdown XD

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten(Embry/Jasper) fic.

Eww, but okay, I’ll try :P

“Embry, what the hell?! What are you doing in my room?!” I asked. “Jasper, I’m sorry, but I can’t take it anymore. I love you.” He admitted. I smiled widely, “That’s great, because I…

Ha! Had you going didn’t I?! I would’ve finished it, but I don’t think I could write those words shudder Lolz XD

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight(Alice/Emmett) fluff?

Um, no clue actually :P. Probably though shrugs

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve(Edward/Leah) hurt/comfort fic.

Urgh, why does Leah get him? grumble grumble grumble Fine! Maybe

“Why Do You Care?” (Leah would most likely have said that :P)

11. If you wrote a songfic about Eight (Emmett), what song would you choose?

Um, prob “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira cuz it’d be funny to watch him try to dance to it XD

12. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve (Alice/Seth/Leah) fic, what would the warning be?

Why would there be a warning, huh? Just cuz they’re different races that means I have to warn you? Right, cuz no one from different races can get along! Lolz, jk jk XD. My warning would probably be: “Hate Fic” Meh, that’s not very original or good, but whatevs, it’s all I can think of right now :P

13. When was the last time you read a fic about Five(Bella)?

Um, probably a couple of mins ago…

14. "(1.Alice ) and (7. Edward) are in a happy relationship until (7.Edward ) runs off with (4.Tanya ). (1.Alice ), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11 Renesmee. ) and a brief unhappy affair with (12 Leah. ), then follows the wise advice of (5.Bella ) and finds true love with (3. Embry ).”

…Eww. Wrong on soooo many levels. Who wrote these questions anyway? Seriously!

How would you feel if 7/8(Edward/Emmett) was canon?

HA! That’d be hilarious! But I probably wouldn’t care cuz if it was canon in the first place then I’d be used to it so meh

Who would make a better college professor: 6, or 11(Seth/Renesmee)?

Prob Seth cuz he’s real easy going and nice so he’d prob make a better teacher :P Oh and plus he doesn’t wanna drink blood XD

Do you think 2(Jacob) is hot? How hot?

Jacob? Well damn, he’s pretty freaking hot! In truth Taylor Lautner (Jacob) and Kellan Lutz(Emmett) are my fav Twilight boyz, cuz they’re the hottest in my mind =D

12 sends 8(Leah/Emmett) on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?

Piss off Edward and really now, is it really that hard? No. All ya gotta do is put his lil Bella in some sort of danger or kidnap her and he just comes runnin screaming bloody murder :P

What would 5 most likely be arrested for?

Probably failing a drunk test, because she can't walk in a straight line without tripping!

If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?

Shit, they shouldn’t feel safe. I mean seriously come on, if I was alone with Emmett or Edward do you really think that I wouldn’t jump em? Lolz XD

Hush, little sister
Please don't cry
I wish I could be there
To sing you a lullaby

I can see your arms
Bloodied and bruised
That's strange, little sister
Mine were like that too

I know you scream
When Daddy's there
Hush, little sister
I know you're scared

I can see the way
He's hurting you
I'm sorry, little sister
He did that to me too

I know that people
Ignore what's going on at home
That makes me angry, little sister
You shouldn't have to be alone

Hey, little sister
You wanna know why I'm not there?
It's a sad story, little sister
But people should care

You see, little sister
One day Daddy got high
You were asleep in your crib
So you didn't hear my cry

He screamed at me
And smashed my head against the door
While you slept, little sister
I died on the floor

You know, little sister
I don't think that I would have died
If someone had only bothered
To listen to my cries

But hush, little sister
Daddy's coming home
Quick, get into bed
You don't want him to find you alone

I'm sorry little sister
He's in a bad mood
Run while you can

Uh oh little sister
He's lifting his belt
Scream while you can, little sister
Call for help

Hush little sister
You don't need to cry
No one can hurt you
You're in my arms tonight.

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY THAT POEM INTO YOUR PROFILE!!

Hi, my name is Kazu. I like Writing and I like Athletics. I am running down the road I suddenly tripped over. I come home with a scratch on my knee. My mummy begins to worry. I tell her I am fine. She sighs and says ok. I am at school. When suddenly I fall and hit a tree. I am sent to the sickbay. Then I am sent home. Mummy takes me to the doctors. The doctors tell mummy something. Mummy starts to cry. I tell her it's ok. I'm not going to die. She tells me I am starting. Starting to be slower. I don't know what it means. But I have become sick. I tell mummy it's ok. I will become better. Mummy starts to cry. Do I have cancer? Mummy says no. Then what do I suppose. As a year had past. I struggle to walk. My speech is getting slower. It's hard for me to talk. My friends like to help me. My classmates like to run. But I have to sit down. And watch them have fun. Then one day myteacher comes to see mummy. Daddy comes out. And starts to get all snotty. The teacher tells my parents. I can no longer go to school. My motion is too slow. I ask the teacher slowly. I am sorry I am useless. I start to cry and beg her. I want to go to school. The teacher gives a smile. And tells me she is sorry. The school cant really help me. The words were so cruel. The day I had to leave. My friends and classmates cried. The boys upon the windows. Wave to me goodbye. I smile and sit in the car. I am taken to a school. A school with special people. Just like me and you. I start to have some fun. I made a lot of friends. As many years passed again. I talk too slow to understand. I cannot run anymore. And I struggle to even stand. I cannot write in my diary. My motion is too slow. Then one day I am sent. To the hospital again. Now many years have passed. I lie in a warm bed. I cannot move my body. I cannot move again. I talk very slowly. I cannot move my head. My mummy sits there crying. My daddy looks depressed. I ask my mummy sadly. Am I going to die. My mother holds my hand. Yells and starts to cry. A few more years later. I have to shut my eyes. I cannot talk or move. I seem to have died.

Copy and Paste this story about Kazu who was diagnosed with a rare uncureable disease, Spinocerebellar Degeneration, in your profile. This disease causes a failure of muscle control in their arms and legs, resulting in a lack of balance and coordination or a disturbance of gait. Support and send the message worldwide.

SAD STUFF :'(

A little girl holding the hand of her orphanage nanny looks up at the sky and asks "What are those little lights in the sky?"

Two figures stand in front of a little girl's grave, crying over their dead daughter.

A sister shields her little brother from her father's drunken rage. Her brother runs away on the day of her funeral.

A man getting on a bus walks under a black sky, the stars hidden by light pollution. He has only seen stars in movies and pictures.

A little boy holds his mother, trying to keep her warm and dry from the rain dripping into their cardboard box.

A girl stands on the street in front of her house in the snow because she told her parents that she was lesbian

A Jewish man hides his face in public from fear of getting harmed

The neighbors hear screaming and crying in the apartment beside them, and had seen the woman with an empty bottle of alcohol walking towards the room, but they just pull their blankets tighter around them.

A girl sleeps on a park bench because she got pregnant and let her parents know

Someone kicks mud in the face of a man asking for a spare bit of change. The man couldn't get a job because he was gay

An African American woman stops going to church because they don't accept her race

A mother cries as the police drag her sobbing daughter away. Her wife comes outside and hugs her. The police had said she was an unfit mother because she was lesbian

Isn't that sad? No, I'm not lesbian or abused or poor, but I still feel bad for abuse and such... paste this into your profile if the messed up world we live in makes you sad...

methods of Love...
+kiss on the cheek--"we're friends"
+kiss on the ear--"i'm horny"
+kiss on the hand--"i adore you"
+kiss on the neck--"we belong together"
+kiss on the shoulder--"i want you now"
+kiss on the lips--"i love you" or "i want you"
+holding hands--"we can learn to love each other"
+a wink--"Let's get it on"
+slap on the butt--"that's mine"
+playing with the ear--"i can't live without you"
+holding on tight--"don't let go"
+looking into each others eyes--"let's get romantic"
+playing with hair on head--"tell me you love me"
+arms around the waist --"i love you too much to let go"
+laughing while kissing--"i am completely comfortable w/you"

Controversial Issues:
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...

Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage

Sad

I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying
"I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me
"I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."
"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?''
"OK" he said "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me!''"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local newspaper article: 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma.
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message.
2) Ignore it as if it never touched you. have a heart.

A guy gets a girl 11 real roses and one fake rose. When he gave her the 12 roses, he said,"I'll love you until the last one dies."

ONE OF THE BEST THING ON THIS SITE! READ IT!

Girls Don't realize these things;

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club (that is the best part of dating is cuddling!)

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
And if you don't believe it's true,
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

HOMOPHOBIA IS GAY

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am not one of the lucky ones.

I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school.

It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.

The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMT s stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

I'm the one who can't accept myself.

--IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG... REPOST THIS--

I am not homosexual, but those who are, I support you. I hate when people openly hate you guys, especially those who are very religious. I have realized they're just being hypocrites.

If you're an obsessed love-struck girl of Emmett McCarty Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Emmett, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

If whenever you see or hear the name "Emmett" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

95 of all teens would go into a panic if the Jonas brothers were on a 100 foot building about to jump. copy and paste this if you are one of the 5 who brought popcorn and invited friends while yelling "JUMP BITCH JUMP!! !!

You say 50 cent - I say Disturbed
You say britney spears - I say Bullet for my Valentine
You say akon - I say Slayer
You say jonas brothers -I say Avenged Sevenfold
You say justin timberlake - I say Iron Maiden
You say high school musical - I say Pantera
You say miley cyrus - I say Metallica
92 of kids have turned to rap,pop,& hip hop.If your one of the 8 who like to HEADBANG and DISTURB THE PEACE copy and paste to your profile KEEP THE SPIRIT OF ROCK!

If you are extremely obsessed with british boys, and their accents, copy this to your profile.

REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
when )m 0 m( was your hero
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now

╔══╦══╦══╗ you have been diagnosed
║╔╗║╔═╣╔╗║ with Obsessive Cullen
║╚╝║╚═╣╚╝║ Disorder put this on your
╚══╩══╩══╝ profile if you've caught it too :)

16 things to do in Walmart.

1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2.Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3.Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4.Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5.Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area
6.Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7.When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8.Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9.While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10.Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11.In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13.When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14.Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
16. Stage a conversation with your shadow then when you walk through a shady area, scream that your friend is missing.


42 Things to do in an Elevator

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. MEOW occasionally.
6. STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. SAY -DING at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9.MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. STARE, gri nning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.
25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. WALK in with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. ASK, "Did you feel that?"
34. TELL people that you can see their aura.
35. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time...
38. START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air
39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors
40. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.
41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.
42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.


Spread the Stupidity

Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America do we use the politics to describe the process of economy so: Poli in latin meaning many and tics meaning blooksucking creature.
Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and thats why I don't go there anymore

Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money.

Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must have been given your share.

Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.

Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?

Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

Man: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?

Man: want to see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen one.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: I'm God's gift to women
Woman: God certainly has a sense of humor.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

People With Way Too Much Time on Their Hands and a Pack of Scrabble Letters


If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile

If you scream when you see a silver Volvo, copy and paste this to your profile.

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out their nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ? (Cuz it just does dammit! Lolz XD)

Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Aliceandra, Jasper's Pixie, WeirdRandomHyperTwilightFREAK-, Locketful o’ Heartache,

If you have ever dreamed or wished that a book character was real (Edward!) copy and paste this in your profile.

IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM!

If you want Bella to turn into a vampire, copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the Twilight characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile

If you are counting the days until Breaking Dawn comes out copy and paste this into your profile

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck fan-girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever spazzed out when you've seen a silver Volvo S60, because it reminds you of Edward Cullen, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight it isn't even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If you think Aro acts like a creepy camp counciler, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you start to freak out when you can't find one of your copies of Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse when really you haven't lost it but your evil sadistic bunny of a sister thought it would be funny to hide them from you just so she could see you freak out, copy and paste this to your profile.

This is what a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad, follow her
When she stares at your mouth, kiss her
When she pushes you or hits you, grab her and don’t let go
When she starts cussing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet, ask her what’s wrong
When she ignores you, give her your attention
When she pulls away, pull her back
When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying, just hold her and don’t say a word
When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared, protect her
When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steals your favorite hat, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay
When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up
When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand
When she grabs at your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers
When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does
When she misses you, she's hurting inside
When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away
When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it
Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go
When she says she's ok, don’t believe it, talk with her, because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her, call her before you sleep and after you wake up
Treat her like she's all that matters to you
Tease her and let her tease you back
Stay up all night with her when she's sick
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
Give her the world, let her wear your clothes
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her, let her know she's important
Kiss her in the pouring rain
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Whose ass am I kicking babe?"

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his friends,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THAT'S HER!

The Thirteen Commandments of Fanfiction

1. Thou shalt not write Mary-Sue or Gary-Stu stories. EVER.
2. Thou shalt not write self-inserts. Please see Commandment #1.
3. Thou shalt learn how to use spell check.
4. Thou shalt learn how to use proper grammar, punctuation, and syntax.
5. Thou shalt not write stories without the disclaimer, lest ye get sued.
6. Thou shalt not write stories using other FFNet authors' characters without their permission.
7. Thou shalt not write songfics, unless thou art Meat Loaf or Peter Frampton.
8. Thou shalt not write in chatspeak, even if thou hath written the fic from your cell-phone.
9. Thou shalt not write one word or one sentence chapters.
10. Thou shalt not write author's notes that are more than 1/3 the length of the chapter.
11. Thou shalt not write AU unless you label it as AU. (Alternate Universe, for those who are not in the know. Yeah, YOU.)
12. Thou shalt not change a character's personality from how its Glorious Creator intended it. If you DO change it, label it as as OOC.
13. Thou shalt read the book/play the game, before writing about it. ALL of it. And watching the movie/cutscenes doesn't count.

Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endore

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrust the blade
Right into her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arm

If you hate child abuse, post this on your profile.


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER


If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed


These are Dr. Laura's man rules.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports; it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
9. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
11. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
14. ALL men see in only 16 Colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A Color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
16. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .
18. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
19. You have enough clothes.
20. You have too many shoes.
21. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
22. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


Random This or That

Blue or Red?

Blue because it can be any emotion whereas Red would be anger (to me), plus blue is my favorite color

Purple or Green?

Green

Lake or Ocean?

Ocean

Party or Ball?

Par-tay! (Even though I am SO not a party girl. I can’t dance :P

Black or White?

Black, which is why a lot of people think I’m emo. : /

Orange or Hot Pink?

Hot pink even though I hate pink. I just like it cuz it’s like bright and neon.

Salad or Fries?

Really depends on what I'm hungry for and how hungry I am, but probably both.

Italian or Chinese?

Chinese. Gong hey fat choi!

Casual or Dressy?

Casual! I hate dressing up!

10, 20, or 30?

Oh yeah, Ima tell YOU guys that.

Late at night or Early in the morning?

Late at night because I can't sleep at night. I love writing and doing everything at night.

Lipstick or Eyeliner?

Uhm, don’t wear makeup…

Gold or Silver?

Both. They remind me of treasure, like pirate’s treasure. ARG!

Dangley or Studs?

Dangley!

Clean Freak or Messy?

Messy! Have you seen my room? (God I hope not… :D)

Morning or Night?

Night! I love writing and reading at night. SOOOOO not a morning person.

School or Home?

Depends.

Mansion or House?

Mansion! I like big places where I can be alone.

Safe Ballet Flats or Dangerous High Heels?

Ballet flats, I twist my ankle really easily and get hurt, so no thank you, I don’t want to die today.

A little Twilight survey

Which book in the series is your favorite?
Twilight because that was where it all started.

How long did it take you to read them?
Idk

Who introduced you to the books?
My friends kept talking about them and I asked one of my friends to borrow them and she let me.

Did you buy them, borrow them, or just read them?
I borrowed at first then got all for Christmas. :D

Who is your favorite character(s)?
Emmett and Alice

Who is your favorite vampire?
Emmett. Hilarious!

Who is your favorite werewolf?
Jacob

What is your favorite quote from the stories?
I think she’s having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her.”- Alice, from New Moon I think

Your favorite Edward and Bella moment?
When he saves her in the very beginning from the rapists.

And

When Bella stops him from showing himself in the sunlight in Volturi and the rest of their time together in New Moon.

and

When Edward jumps on Bella and sweeps her off her feet onto his black sofa before the Cullens go out and play baseball in Twilight.

Your favorite Jacob and Bella moment?
When they’re in the garage in New Moon.

Favorite Alice and Bella moment?
When Alice asks Bella in New Moon, "How opposed are you to grand-theft auto?"

What was your favorite adventure/battle?
When the newborns are fighting them in Eclipse.

Which book cover is your favorite?
New Moon cuz the flower rocks my multi colored socks!

Are these books among your favorite books of all?
DUUUUHH!!

Random This or That Twilight Interview

Twilight or New Moon?

New Moon was a downer for me and I loved reading Twilight! It showed the interaction between Bella and Edward. Twilight is my favorite of the series!

New Moon or Eclipse?

Eclipse! As I said before, New Moon was a downer for me.

Eclipse or Twilight?

Twilight was my favorite book but I love the action in Eclipse. I'm going to have to say Twilight though.

Are you more excited about Breaking Dawn or Midnight Sun?

Midnight Sun! I’ve already read Breaking Dawn so why would I be excited about it when I already know what happens?

Midnight Sun or the Twilight Movie?

Midnight Sun! The movie was bad compared to the book, but without the comparison, it was sorta a good flick, really bad special effects though.

Who do you want to see Bella with most: Edward or Jacob?

Edward! They are made for each other. Jacob didn't stand a chance with her.

Who do you like more

Bella or Edward?

Edward...God. Hands down. Edward. :D

Bella or Jacob?

Jacob cuz Bella’s just an annoying human and us vampires don’t like humans. RAWR!

Bella or Alice?

Alice because she can see the future and because she's hilarious.

"It sounded like were having Bella for lunch and we came up to see if you would share."--Alice, Twilight

"How offended are you of grand-theft auto?"--Alice, New Moon

"This hostage stuff is fun."--Alice, Eclipse

Alice or Jacob?

Alice because she's funny and knows what's coming. (future)

Rosalie or Alice?

Psha! Alice! Duh! Rosalie’s a bitch!

Jasper or Alice?

Jasper. Hehee…:D

Jasper or Edward?

Both! Edward’s just…swoon. And Jasper’s in touch with his emotional side and guys just need to be more emotional than a rock and cuz he can sense if you’re sad and make you feel happy! YAY!!

Emmett or Edward?

Emmett! HELLO?!

Carlisle or Esme?

Carlisle. Father figures are more awesome than mother figures in my opinion.

Emmett or Jasper?

Both! Emmett cuz he’s hilarious and Jasper because… hey! I told you this part before! Go back up and read you lazy ass! Lol.

Emmett or Jacob?

Emmett

Bella or Rosalie?

Bella because Rosalie’s a bitch.

Esme or Charlie?

Esme because she is more involved with her “children’s” lives’

Charlie or Carlisle?

Carlisle because of the same reason I picked Esme.

Charlie or Billy?

Billy cuz wheelchairs are awesome!

Jacob or Sam?

Jacob since he's the true alpha and I don't like Sam that much anyway.

Sam or Quil?

Quil! He's awesome and funny. Sam’s too calm and ya gotta let loose once in a while, and when you do you can’t go all psycho and cut up your girlfriend!

Quil or Embry?

Quil! Embry’s funny but Quil is funnier and cooler.

Who's the better villain: James or Victoria?

James

Werewolves or Vampires?

Vampires forever!! RAWR!

Twilight quiz!! Pass it around!

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

Team Switzerland

Fire or Ice?

Ice, ice baby!

Werewolves vs. Vampires. Who would win?

Werewolves sigh.Werewolves are made to kill vampires, duh

Jasper, Carlisle, Emmett, or Jared, or Seth?

EMMETT RULES THE WORLD!!

Who do you like more. Alice or Rosalie?

Alice!

Esme or Rosalie?

Esme

Leah or her brother, Seth?

Seth

Mountain Lion or Grizzly Bear?

Grizzly Bear. Sowwy Edward, but you gotta be a tough guy to take down grizzlies. ; D

Bronze hair (Edward) or Blonde hair (Jasper)

I love Jasper, but bronze hair's awesome!

Do you hate Edward?

THAT'S A SIN!!

Do you hate Jacob?

ALSO A SIN!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

Pass it around! Have Fun!!

Life's A Musical Game

Opening Credits-Born Bad, Zeromind

Waking Up-Claire de Lune, Debussy

First Day of School-Anticipation, Carly Simon

Falling in Love-Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Queen

Fight Song-Gives You Hell, All American Rejects

Breaking Up-Heartless, Kanye West

Prom-Low, Flo Rida

Life is just...OK-Just Dance, Lady Gaga

Mental Breakdown-Breakdown, Jack Johnson

Driving-Highway to Hell, AC/DC

Flashback-Do You Remember, Jack Johnson

Getting Back Together-Don’t Matter, Akon

Birth of Child-Cat’s in the Cradle, Harry Chapin

Wedding-I Love You, Cecilio & Kapono

Final Battle-Eye of the Tiger, Survivor

Death Scene-Another One Bites The Dust, Queen

Funeral Song- Crying Shame, Jack Johnson

End Credits-New Soul, Yael Naim

How to play:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing. The questions are: Opening Credits, Waking Up, First Day of School, Falling in Love, Fight Song, Breaking Up, Prom, Life is just...OK, Mental Breakdown, Driving, Flashback, Getting Back Together, Birth of Child, Wedding, Final Battle, Death Scene, Funeral Song, End Credits.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...
As soon as you're done with the game, post your results in your profile.

I cheated lolz. Sowwy! :P

Fav Quotes

Random Quotes

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters

"Man must wait long time with mouth open for roast duck to fly in." ancient Chinese proverb

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" -Unknown

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."-Unknown

Dealing with Television network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks."- Eric Sevareid

"I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." --Jasper Carrott

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." --Will Rogers

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it." -Unknown

Perfection is a waste of time." --Kim De Coite

Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?'" -Unknown

"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." -Unknown

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy." --Nora Ephron

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook

"You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same." - Unknown

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." - Unknown

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid." - Unknown

"He who laughs last didn't get it." - Unknown

When there's a will, I want to be in it." - Unknown

"A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright

"Americans worship money. I have been looking for god all my life and he is right in my pocket." -Chris Rock

Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.

Confusius say: Man who eat jelly beans fart in Technicolor

"Dance my little puppets, Dance!" - God

We're on a bridge CCHHAARRLLIIEE.
We are going to Candy Mountain Cchhaarrlliiee! A land of sweets and joy... and joyness.
Oh god! They took my freaking kidney!
It's a Leoplurodon Cchhaarrlliiee. A magical Leoplurodon

"There's no such thing as a stupid question, until you ask it." -That-Guy-With-The-Glasses

Bill Cosby: Don't yawn in the shower-you might drown.

George Lopez: I got this!

Me: Ouch. That's harsh.(I say that all the time)

My friend: It's Beyonce!

My friend: MMMMMMMBBBBOOOPPPPPP!!

My other friend, Jacky(the one that has the account lionlambluv): SSHHAAUUU!!(Pernounced like SSSHHHH like you're shushing someone, and OOOWWW like you're hurt.)

Edward+Bella:(Edward) And so the lion fell in luv with the lamb. (Bella) What a stupid lamb. (Edward) What a sick, masochistic lion.

Alice: I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo

"Just remember, inside every girl, there's a boy. That came out wrong..but you know what I mean." -Paul, Shes the Man

'I disagree with all he says but I'll defend to death his right to say it.' by Voltaire

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams

"I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that do not work" -- Thomas Edison

Futue te ipsum et caballum tuum - Srew you and the horse you rode in on. - Anonymous

'Smile in the face of adversity - and adversity will probably think you're taking the piss and beat the crap out of you.' from the profile of 'Talkin' of Normality '

'There are very few problems that can't be resolved with an order ending with 'or I'll shoot'.'from the profile of 'Talkin' of Normality

'History is the sum total of things that might have been avoided.' from the profile of 'Alaranth-88'

"If you love someone set them free. If they come home, set them on fire" -George Carlin

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."-Mark Twain

"Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards."- Robert Heinlein

Here are some kewl quotes:

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train!

If you dont like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.

Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with braile on them.

If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.

Anyone who says nothings imposible has never tried slamming a revolving door

"Bart, with 10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!" -Homer Simpson

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"

"I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"Cheese... milk's leap toward immortality."

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man...I could be eating a slow learner." -Lyndon B. Johnson

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." -Oprah

"I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly"

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

"You say tomato...I say fuck you."

When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"

"I cause cancer. Tee hee." ~ Multiple 'People'

"Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?" ~ Anonymous

"My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone." ~ Anonymous

"If you know me, chances are you hate me." ~ Anonymous

"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." ~ Anonymous

"When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back." ~ Anonymous

"Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through." ~ Anonymous

"The cracks in the cement are a reminder that no matter how strong you may be, you can break." ~ Anonymous

"Anyone can be called a father, but only some can be a dad." ~ Anonymous

"Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy...because it takes one smile to cover up a million tears." ~ Anonymous

"If the heart is one of the strongest muscles, why is it so easy to break?" ~ Anonymous

"Friends are like butt cheeks, shit may come between them, but they always stick together." ~ Anonymous

"I like the idea of karma; you can go around and do bad things to people all day assuming they deserve it." ~ Anonymous

"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life." ~ Anonymous

I wasn't born yesterday, and neither were you. If you were congratulations on learning how to read at such a young age~ lemony snicket

Everything here is etible. Even I am edible, but that is cannibalism my children and frowned upon in most socioties~charlie and the chocolate factory

Funny quotes ...

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
--Michael L.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
--Wendell Johnson

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
--Weinberg

etc.


A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
some friends one evening
and time passed quickly as each shared
their various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than
planned, and had to walk home alone.
She wasn't afraid
because it was a small town and she lived
only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm
trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from
harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a
short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she
noticed a man standing at the end as though he
were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray,
asking for
God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
and security wrapped round her, she felt as
though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley,
she walked right past the man and arrived
home safely.

The following day, she read in the
newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same
alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
the fact that it could have been her, she began to
weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
help this young woman, she decided to go to the
police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so
she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be
willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify
him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out
the man she had seen in the alley the night
before.

When the man was told he had been
identified, he
immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
and asked if there was anything they could do
for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one
question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either side of
her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of
teenagers will not stand up for God?

Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly
believe in
God..

Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

If you love God with your whole heart and are 100 percent proud of it, copy & paste this in your profile

If you think the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile

If you have ever spelt or forgotten your name, copy and paste this on your profile

If you're awesome, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever copied and pasted something in your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't want to copy and paste this into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a vampire, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever said a word, copy and paste this into your profile.

If crayons are made of wax, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think sporks are cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever talked to a human, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're not going to copy and paste this into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're even mildly annoyed by all of the things I'm telling you to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile


I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. (Nah, I just don't go)I am the girl that's beautiful but something about her makes people stay away. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that could have any guy she wanted but just doesn't want any. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl who has known enough love for an entire lifetime but lost it. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows who she is and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care what people call her, who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better on paper than verbally, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, emmettcullenisTHEman, Alice W. Hale, vampirefan17, Miss.Thang Rosalie, Locketful o' Heartache,

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.

Smile... it confuses people.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

There's a ME in AWESOME but there's also a WE.

I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."

Therapist = The/rapist (scary thought -shudder-)

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

I can resist anything but temptation.

The best place to hide is in plain sight.

Guys aren't worth your tears.

And God(CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was goood

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.

Music is my boyfriend.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line

Violence never solves anything. Unless you're not on school property!

The rock says get back here kid you're gonna pay for that!

I guess E means extra fuel! Hey why did my car just stop?! It's on E for extra fuel! Oh, well I guess it's broken, time to get a new one.

Friends may come and go but family's always there. Hell with that I want my friends! SEE YA!!

Let's do something manly like football, or hockey, or knit fuzzy sweaters!

Did you just call me a bitch? Well, a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. So yeah, thanks for the compliment.

Happy Bunny sayings

1. does it hurt being so dumb?

2. nobody's perfect. I'm as close as it gets.

3. It's not your falt. I'm blaming you anyway. :)

4. you're dumb. I like that.

5. this has been fun but i have to barf now.

6. It's sad your own mom dresses you like that.

7. I have a dream. and in it something eats you.

8. Kids are the future. frightened? (mwahahahahah we will rule the world!)

9. I hear the other icky people calling you.

10. life. get one

11. It's not my fault you're icky.

12. me pretending to listen should be enough for you.

13. let's be friends. I'd like a dumb friend.

14. but I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice.

15. I'm happy don't wreck it by talking.

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.

Interesting and insane laws:

Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a 500 dollar fine. (Hmm... I'm not that sure all of the suicide terrorists will be scared off by that.)

It is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants. (What... the...)

It is illegal to allow a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. (Whoever passed this law was obviously half-asleep.)

It is illegal to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight. (Hmm... that has potential. Oh, Natasha...)

It is illegal to carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. (Oh great. Looks like we'll have to wait an extra hour to have lunch then.)

It is illegal to drive a motor vehicle on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (In that case most of the world should be locked up in prison.)

It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. (I'm sure we'll all be thinking of our stomachs when the building's on fire.)

It is illegal to purchase an alcoholic beverage after midnight on Sunday, yet one may do so on Monday. (Makes sense if you think about it, but on first impression...)

It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. (This might be better off in the "Only in America" section.)

It is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (A pity. That's a novelty I'd pay money to see.)

It is illegal to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Strange, but not illogical until you take into account that there is no coastline at all in the state in which this is a law...)

It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. (AHH! HELP! FIRE!)

The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (Whoever came up with this? We should give him a Nobel Prize for such a masterful logical conclusion.)

A few annoying stereotypes: Bold the ones that apply to you.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.(Only part white.)
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.(Edward Cullen lol.)
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.(Sorta pretty.)
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.(I suppose this is mostly for guys but ehh.)
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm AUSTRIAN, so I must be exactly like HITLER and think like a NAZI
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy. (I'm not really Hawaiian but sorta.)
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff

I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.(I used to but don't anymore.)
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSS DRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.(But I am a vampire. HISS!)
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.( What does the 2nd to last word mean?...)
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG, so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I write Fanfics, so I MUST be a freak.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. (Well, that's between them and God, isn't it?)

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.(Sheesh I hate this one! I just like the color people! Jeez...)

I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a "big one".

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I MUST be a terrorist.

Footprints

There was once a man who lived a long life. At the end of his life, he had a vision that he was walking with God down a beach.

As he turned back, he realized that he could see his footsteps spreading out behind him, each one showing a different time in his life. Amazed, he noticed that some showed prosperous times, and others signified the difficult times he had gone through.

He noticed that there were two sets of footsteps in the sand...his, and God's. When he looked closer though, he noticed that at times, there was only one set of footsteps...and these were at the times when his life had been hardest.

Outraged, he turned to God. "Why did you abandon me?" he demanded. "Why did you leave me alone when my life grew hard. Those were the times that I needed you!"

God turned to the man with sad eyes. "I was always with you," he replied. "At the times when your life was difficult, that was not when I abandoned you...

That was when I carried you."

-Mary Stevenson

1984

Have any of you girls got a guy that won't stop hitting on you? Try these comebacks!! (Underline = Boy Italic = Girl)

“Where have you been all my life?”
“Hiding from you.”
"Have I seen you somewhere before?"
"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
"Can I have your name?"
"Why? Don't you already have one?"
“What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a female impersonator.”
“Your place or mine?”
“Both, you go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”
“What’s your sign?”
“Do not enter.”
“Your body is like a temple.”
“Sorry, no services today.”
“How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
“Unfertilized.”
"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Actually, I'd rather have the money."
"How did you get to be so beautiful?"
"I must have been given your share."
"Your face must turn a few heads."
"Your face must turn a few stomachs."
"Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out."
"OK, get out."
"I think I could make you very happy."
"Why? Are you leaving?"
"What would you say if I asked you to marry me?"
"Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time."
"Want to see a movie?"
"I've already seen one."
“I would go to the end of the world for you.”
“Great, but would you stay there?”
“If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put “u” and “I” together.”
“Really? I would put “f” and “u” together.”
“If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.”
“If I saw you naked, I’d die laughing.”
“Your eyes are amazing.”
“Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.”

This is a true story:

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless piece of s!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the little girl
Lying dead on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

(add this to your profile if your against child abuse)

I want child abuse to stop! and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile Thank you to flamin. guitarist for posting this in your profile and for letting others read it.

My name is sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cant see,
must be stid I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me
I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked
All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door
He's already locked it
And I sradish to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor
My name is Sarah
I am but three
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me

CHILD ABUSE...MAKE IT STOP!!Please, be aware that child abuse happens everyday, and it isn't just physical, it's emotional too, and sometimes that hurts more than a beating from your parents. Physical abuse scars you on the outside and that pain will go away, but emotional abuse scars you on the inside and the pain of being called worthless never goes away. So please, help stop the abuse.you?


This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded

-If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

-Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

-If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

-If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

-If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

-If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you've ever known you were in mortal danger but decided to go through with the stunt anyway, copy this into your profile

-If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile

-If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile

-If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

-If you think Edward Cullen is hot, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you want to slice out Jacob Black's organs, throw them into a fire, and do a native dance around the fire, for what he did in Eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile.(Not really. I mean come on people! He's 16! He's just a kid in lurve!It's not his fault!)

-92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

-If you are on Team Edward, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you are absolutely in love with Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever wanted to be that little hyper pixie of Alice, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you think that Emmett absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you cried, screamed, or threw a fit when Edward left Bella in New Moon, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I screamed and threw a fit, haha. i also cursed Edward. But it's too hard to stay mad at him. He's too hot for his own good!))

-If you think that the Twilight books are the best books known to woman and man, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you are addicted to FanFiction, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you agree with Bella that life without Edward is useless, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you've ever acted like a paranoid fool because you believe (or wish) that the Twilight characters exist, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If several inanimate objects hate you, post this on profile.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."

LOL

'American Idol' made it famous...the radio made it annoying!

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

Edward Cullen made every girl want a bloodthirsty vampire instead of a knight in shining armor.

I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms

Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. that and every oneof us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.

Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901

Bella Swan: Danger Magnet since 1987

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

Random questions ducksrule718 made!

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's
only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on
luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a
car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Can Bald people have Hairline fractures?

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.

Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?

Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?

You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?

If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?

If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?

How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?

If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?

When the French swear do they say pardon my English?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Girl: You should slow down, this is too fast

Boy: This is how a motorcycle is supposed to feel but if you tell me you love me, i'll slow down

Girl: I love you!

Boy: Now you have to give me a hug.

Girl: (She squeezed around the boys waist from behind him)

Boy: Now you must take my helmet from my head and put it on you then i will slow down.

Girl: (puts helmet on her head)

Newspaper headline next morning: Fatal motorcycle accident after brakes went out, male died and female lived being the only one with a helmet. In truth the boy knew his breaks went out and told his girlfriend she loved him one last time and to feel her hug then he gave her his helmet so she could live.

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.


Random Questions

If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit?

Are children who act in 'R' rated moves allowed to see them?

Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in a asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out." ?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt."?

Isn't Disneyland just a people trap operated by a mouse?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy?

Why is it when some products you have to turn upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn down?

Why do people say ,"you can't have your cake and eat it too" when no one would have a cake if they can't eat it?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?


Man: I would go to the end of the world for you!
Woman: But would you stay there??

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals.

ur parents lied. ur not special. ur just stupid.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fer upside the head

Good friends give you a ride. Close friends buy you a car. Best friends are the getting-away-from-the-scene-of-the-crime driver.

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong.

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say "Are you gonna drink that?"

Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.

Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.

Guns don't kill people. I do.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron."

"They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?"

"People fear the strange and unusual. I AM the strange and unusual."

"When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE."

my imaginary friend doesn't like you either

i hate it wen the voices argue wit my imaginary friends

Smile. It confuses people.

Random Randomness

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it.

flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I've got problem for your solution...

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.

The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade.

Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.

Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick.

I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet

One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons!

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

Somebody needs a Happy Meal.


For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when you fill up the tab seperators in your binders withe doodles/love notes/comfessions of love/any other Twilght related thing you can think of about Twilight or the Twilight characters. Crazy is when you can open up Twilight and know exactly which part you're at by reading one word. Crazy is when you print out copies of all the twilight series covers and put them on the wall of your closet. Crazy is when you go to the most expensive store within fifty miles of your home, try on almost every peice of clothing, then walk out with nothing, saying none of it was your style. Crazy is when you break a bone and laugh. Crazy is when you start saying different names from random shows wit your friend just to see who knows more names. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

Never hide the bodies in the same place, your closet gets full after a while.

"I'll hold it and you light the fuse."

"So, you're a cannibal."

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

I could tell you what happened in the first chapter of Breaking Dawn, but then I would have to kill you.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

"When all else fails, blow shit up."

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.
Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow

"Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again

To put it nicely, I hope you choke

"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

True love isn't free, but i'd pay anything to have it

real life isn't full of happily ever afters, just bursts of happiness that don't last very long

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

The world is cruel... get used to it!

Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

The evil gnomes poked me in the bum wit a stick.

Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things and no good thing ever dies, except my dog scruffy, he got hit by a car.

Welcome to the world of very scary fearies!
For those who think fearies are innocent little creatures...

Killing gnomes with sporks!

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear

Don't take it personally.. but you smell like an ice cube

Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?"

A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!

Behold the mighty...chihuahua?

Busy polking my neighbor with a spork. shes really old and wrinkly this is fun muahahaha

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot

Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

Feeding my pet old person right now...!

Hello. You have reached The Autopsy-profile. If you are already cut open, Press 1.If you are ordering a new body, Press 2.If you are ordering a cut body, Press 3.If you are picking up a body, Press 4.If you chose none of the options above, please stay on the profile. You will soon be tracked down and picked up in a nice cozy black 'sleeping-bag'.Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Autopsy-profile!

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?

I do what cheerios tell me.

I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.

I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my...other handle? Shit. now i'm a sugar bowl

I'm bartending at an AA meeting

I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! (haha just like Edward Cullen!! :D)

I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in background: Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me: That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that...

I'm out driving with my keys in an electrical outlet...

If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.

My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...

Someday my prince will come. he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.

The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.

If at first you don't succeed, try walking around the brick wall.

You have more chance of dying by an asteroid collision than in a plane crash.

The dimensions of the Space Shuttle, one of humanities greatest achievements, were specified over 2500 years ago by a horse.


The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...


Try Not To Cry:

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost


I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.


The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

A good or best friend!

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever


list of stuff

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something

right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be

stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the

fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those

who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he

will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12

people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

ONE FOR THE GIRLS!

(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "i'll miss you..."

(2)Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his freinds,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!

Did you know...

kissing is healthy.

bananas are good for period pain.

it's good to cry.

chicken soup actually makes you feel better.

94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.

lying is actually unhealthy.

you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.

it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.

89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.

it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.(my mother has to jut out her chin because she foged up the mirror)

chocolate will make you feel better.

most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.

a good friend never judges.

a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.

boys aren't worth your tears.

we all love surprises.

Now... make a wish.

Wish REALLY hard!

WISH WISH WISH WISH

Your wish has just been recieved.

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ninety-three percent of the teen population would die if Hannah Montanna or The Simpsons said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this if you would be part of the seven percent that'd be LAUGHING YOUR BUTT OFF!

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

Warning: I am not normal. My friends are not normal. My stories are not normal.

If you know the answer to life, the universe, and everything, copy and paste this to your profile. (Yeah, It's called Edward Cullen)

If you've ever imagined killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her fictional boyfriend

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

Too many people have died because of other's need of fame and fortune. If you care, post this on your profile.

If you are someone who begs to differ from the crowd, copy this and paste it into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile(on a daily basis...I can think of one now!)

Olny srmat poelpe can raed this.

cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if
you can raed this psas it on !!

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

Girls ...
...are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way

to the top
of the tree.

A girl asked a guy if she was pretty; he said no. She asked him if he wanted her; he said no. She asked him if she left, would he cry; he said no. She turned to leave; he grabbed her arm and said, 'Your're not pretty, you're beautiful. And I don't want, you I need you. And I wouldn't cry if you left; I would die.'

if you believe these or think they are true, copy them onto your profile

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry @#&!!

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

This is my oath. I pledge it until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel its warmth.

A friend will bail you outta jail, a best friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying either, "We really screwed up," or "That was fun!"
A friend will walk into your house without ringing the doorbell or knocking, a best friend will walk in and yell,"I'm home!"
A friend will call your parents by their first names, a best friend will call them Mom and Dad.
A friend will tell you that your a great singer even if you're terrible, a best friend will tell you that you suck.
A friend will give you a shoulder to cry on when he breaks your heart, a best friend will go up to him and say, "It's because you're gay, isnt it?"

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid ass!

When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV (or the computer, or a book), copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been the only one to think some really stupid joke was funny, copy this into your profile.

TGWF: Thank God We're Female

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Boy, you're wrong! I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

If you think normal people are boring, copy and paste this on your profile.

You don't need a reason to be happy, you only need a reason to be sad.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile

If whenever you see a sliver Volvo you run down the street screaming, "EDWARD!", copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friends are always trying to tell you to shut up but you dont, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your friends are considering torturing you to stop you talking about a fictional character, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are in love with a fictional character, copy and paste this onto your profile.

There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and paste it in your profile.

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you KNOW the voices in your head are real, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ORFS (Obsessive Rabid Fangirl Syndrome) and are proud of it, copy this and paste it in your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you're in junior high and the boys in your class still haven't gotten rid of their cooties, copy and paste to your profile.

If you think fighting is fun, but war is pointless, copy this into your profile.

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

I told my boyfriend that an overprotective vampire watches me sleep and that he is the real love of my life, he was okay as long as Edward left me alone

I told my parents the same thing... now I'm in a mental institution.

I told my enemy my best friend was a werewolf, she laughed

I told my best friend the same thing, she slapped me


Funny Sayings from random webs:

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didn't work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

You can't be late until you show up.

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

Funny Twilight stuff:

The future is not always set in stone

you cane enjoy the bouquet while resisting the wine

Verify news before doing something stupid

Love can be like heaven in the middle of hell

They can't make them like a Cullen any more

It's understandable for little kids to be scared of doctors. Especially vampire doctors!

Mythical creatures seem to like rain.

having a pulse is over-rated

Edward Cullen puts the Greek gods to shame

Real men sparkle

Hybrids are cool

'Vegatarian' has many meanings

Clumsy is not something to be ashamed of

Rain isn't an omen, just unavoidable

Hearing voices in your head doesn't mean you're crazy

you can lie in your thoughts

What's dangerous to the body is dangerous to the heart

stupid lambs and sick masochistic lions are good pairs

Everyone has a soul mate, even if it takes a hundred years to find yours

Imprinting can suck

Nothing beats an irritable grizzly.

Reviewing makes the heart grow fonder, and the updates faster!

If you have ever talked to you self, copy and paste this to your profile

If, for those people in therapy, you would suggest reading twilight, copy and paste this to your profile

If you a so obsessed with Twilight that you friends stay away to avoid the consequences, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this to your profile

If you randomly quote Twilight, copy and paste this to your profile

92 percent of teenagers do drugs, If you are part of the 8 percent who do Twilight instead, copy and paste this to your profile

98 percent of teens would have an mental breakdown if someone told them they were freaks, if your part of the 2 percent who would say "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this to your profile

If sometimes you make up those percentages to get your point across then copy and paste this to your profile

When you get caught looking, just remember, he was looking back.

You know you're obsessed when:

1. Someone says the word car and you say, and I quote(obviously), "Speaking of Italy and sports cars I stole there, you still owe me a yellow porshe."

2. You keep your balcony door unlocked at night, waiting for Edward

3. You pull all-nighters to read fanfics

3. Too many more to name, I'm sure my friends are so sick of me by now they could name a few

92 percent of kids come from broken families, if you like COOKIES, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you had a choice between human and vampire, and you would choose vampire, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are madly in love with a Twilight or HP character(preferably twilight) copy this on your profile(Not HP! TWILIGHT BOYS ALL THE WAY!)

If you are alive, copy and paste this to your profile

If you are dead, copy and paste this to your profile(lol)

If you screamed over watching the Twilight trailers, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're absoPOSIlutely in love with Edward Cullen until no other guy can even come CLOSE to him, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your dad thinks you're mad for falling in love with a vampire, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you won't let ANYONE team Jacob touch your Twilight books, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've told your parents you only want a 911 Porsche Turbo in YELLOW, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've screamed at someone who told you Edward was fictional, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you constantly search the roads for a silver Volvo, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you scream "EDWARD!" when you see that Volvo, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you daydream about Edward appearing in your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

'Never take life seriously, no one gets out alive anyway.'

'There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.'

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash, honey; I don't live to please you.

They say, "Guns don't kill people- people kill people." Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG!" I don't think you'd kill too many people, you know?

You know, there are poor people in Africa who can't afford sarcasm, and yet you abuse it!


Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids
do you want?

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.

Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby"
has never tried it.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Funny sayings, Funny Words of Wisdom

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

11. My Reality Check bounced.

12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.

18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

19. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.

20. If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good

21. The family that sticks together should bathe more often.

22. The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here!!

23. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

24. I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

25. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

26. Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely

Signs:

Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP!

Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.

1. He's dead Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me

2. Oh yea? If you're so smart, why don't I understand you?

3. Oh, I'm sorry, were the voices in my head bothering you?

4. I can't remember the last time I forgot something.

5. Time is the best teacher, but it kills all its students.

6. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

7. Why remember quotes when you can make them up?

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR
MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF..

Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS...
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT

Sign on a famous beauty parlor window:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother.

Notice in the toilet
This urinal is out of order - Kindly use the floor below.

When you dial a Mental Hospital...

RING...RING...

Welcome to the Psychiatric Ward.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear

Things You Don't Want To Hear During a Surgery

- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

- Hand me that... uh... whatever it's called !

- Oh no! I just lost my watch.

- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

- There go the lights again...

- Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.

- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

- What's this doing here?

- I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

- Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

-You sure it wasn't this leg?

- OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

- Are his relatives waiting outside?

- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

- Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

- What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!

- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

- This scissor looks rusted.

- Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

- Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?

- Now from where did this spider come in from.

Advice:

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Stay away from prunes.

Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

Never try to baptize a cat.

Ways to annoy people:

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Ask people what gender they are.

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Speak only in a "robot" voice.

Blow your nose when some one is eating.

Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " !

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Name your dog "Dog."

Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Drum on every available surface.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Set alarms for random times.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Things you really shouldn't say:

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

That shirt makes you look fat.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Gosh, why don't you kill me already and put me out of my misery?

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

No, that does not look good on you.

I am a girl.
Harsh but vulnerable.
Sarcastic but silly.
Stupid but thoughtful.
Thorny but tender.
Funny but serious.
Loud but passive.
Dramatic but bland.
An open book.
Easy to love & easy to hate.
Clutzy but occasionally coordinated.
Independent, but dependent on friends.
An oxymoron
A muddling paradox
An unsolvable contradiction
And totally proud of it.

It is wise to walk a mile in a man's shoes before judging him... That way you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

"Never hire a colorblind electrician."

"If you are good you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good you will get out of it."

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."

"Sometimes you're the windshield, but sometimes you gotta be the bug."

"I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib."

"Always listen to experts- they'll tell you confidently what can't be done and why. Then go ahead and do it."

"After all is said and done a heck of a lot more is said than done."

"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."

"Happiness is your dentist telling you "it won't hurt a bit," and then he catches his hand in the drill."

"The good news is that you may have screwed up my past and created my present but you have no control over my future."

Let's play truth or dare! Or maybe just dare, because nobody seems to tell the truth anymore.

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo

Live dangerous...Run with scissors.

I'm so clever that sometimes, I don't even know what I'm saying

Love is like snot. You keep picking at it until you get to it, then you wonder what to do with it.

In order to get to heaven, you have to make a little hell.

If you try and don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You ask for advice? Yeah, not so good at that. May I offer you a sarcastic comment instead?

Don'y play games with someone who can play better.

Stand up for what you believe in, even is it means standing alone.

People will always talk about you. Might as well give them something to talk about.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

In a world of cheerios, be a Froot-Loop.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Want to know who your real friends are? Mess up and see who is still standing beside you.

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Remember, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, twenty-eight to smile, but it only takes four to reach out and to punch someone.

If you belive in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

Ninety-six percent of teens in the world today don't stand up for God. If you are one of the 4 percent that does put this in your profile.

Mottos:

1. If someone looks at you funny, flip them the finger.

2. When someone tells you to act your age, yell at the top of your lungs "I AM!"

3. When a parent/guardian asks you, "What did you learn at school today?" answer, "I learnt how to survive it."

4. Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it.

5. Remember that all actions have reactions... (You don't wana know why I put this in here, believe me!)

6. When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Say to them, "Well of course it is! Why the hell would I keep looking for it after I found it?!"

7. While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?"

8. Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

9. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

10. I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

11. To attract men, wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

TEAM EDWARD ALL THE WAY!

The 10 Commandments of a Teenager!

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long?)

2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention it's cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection.)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect, and why the hell would you let yourself get arrested?!)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows grandma has more money.)

6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Just start them.)

7) Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off.)

8) Thou shall not kiss boys in school. (Kiss them outside insted.)

9) Thou shall not worry about tests. (Just cheat on them: better marks.)

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(Just leave'm in the middle.)

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to berry the body of the person that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs.

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say, "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this shit!

Hey you! I know you're just dying to do this!!

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, and green, yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
Are you done? If so, scroll down (Don’t cheat--)

THE ANSWERS
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you Love.
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are Down.
3. If you’re initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to Blossom.
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you Fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but The memories will last forever.
July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life Changing experience for the good.
Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your Soul mate.
5. If you choose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time But will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do Anything for you, but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.
8. If you choose... California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.
9. If you choose... Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday!

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the tiune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

then copy and paste this in your profile

If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...

"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

So true!

Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley bored, Gem W, Bara- Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Carzy Billie Joe loving freak, shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/ fairy to be, The Gypsy- Pirate Queen, MCR Rocks, Andrew Laplante, Twilight's October Sky, LittleGothGirl13. KagomeMiko92, apparox148, the-purple-fuzzle, Tinatheturtle, doubletime twins, azzDOGG, Locketful o' Heartache,

YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt.
You've played with/against boys on a team.

Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.

Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.

You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.

Baggy pants are cool to wear. (Sometimes)
It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.(A little bit)
Green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favourite colours.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night.
TOTAL: 25

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/stick.
You love skirts.
Cats are better than dogs.

You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the colour pink.
Go to your mum for advice
Pink, yellow, orange, purple or gold is one of your favourite colours.

You hate wearing the colour black.
You like hanging out at the shopping centre.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures
You like wearing jewellery.

Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed and make-up.(not make-up, just showering and doing my morning chores and getting ready for the day. What? I'm slow when I'm tired in the morning.)
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.(Sigh. Yeah, it's horrible but it's true)
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body perfume.(What? YOU don't wanna smell good?)
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like being the star of every thing.
TOTAL: 7

okay, so I got 18 more on my guy's side than my girl's. WHAT THE CRAP? DOES THAT MEAN I'M A GUY?! SON OF A @#& DOCTOR MUST'VE GOTTEN THE DIAGNOSIS WRONG! Lol. JK! Did I fool you? Prob not but whatev.


Copy and Paste things!!

This is Bunny.

(\_/)
(O.O)
o(/_._\)o

()()
(0.0)
c( uu)

Copy and paste Bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination!

On the other hand, this is Kitty.

/l /l

( (l) ) ( (l) )

-V-

Kitty is Bunny's nemesis. Or evil accomplice. Nobody really knows.

Either way, copy and paste Kitty as well, or Bunny will get lonely!

Do YOU remember the 90s??...

Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if You remember watching -Doug -Ren & Stimpy -Pinky and the Brain -AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! -Rockos modern Life. -Animaniacs -Gargoyles You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!" You just cant resist finishing this . . . "in west Philadelphia born and raised . . ." You remember -Step by Step -Family Matters -Dinosaurs -Boy Meets World You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. You remember reading "Goosebumps" You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not When everything was settled by -rock paper scissors or -bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or -ms. mary mack When kick ball was a daily activity. When we used to obey our parents You used to listen to the radio all day long just to r ecord your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape. You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular. You remember The Original Game Boy. You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny. You remember watching -The Magic School Bus -Wishbone -Reading Rainbow -and Ghostwriter on PBS You remember when Yo-Yos were cool. You remember those Where's Waldo books. You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum. You remember watching -the 1st Batman -Aladdin -Ninja Turtles -ghost busters You remember Ring Pops. If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!" You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players. Making those little paper fortune things, and then predicting your life with them. You played and/or collected "Pogs" You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere. One word. . . . . . . .trolls. Windows 95 was the best. You watched the original cartoons of -Rugrats -Wild Thornberry's -Power Ra ngers -Rocket Power. All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand. You collected those Beanie Babies. Carebears Lambchop's song never ended. Silver dollars, which were cool to have. Everyone watched the WB. If you even know what an original walkman is. You know the Macarena by heart. "Talk to the hand" . . . enough said You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace. You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground. Before the MySpace frenzy . . . Before the Internet & text messaging . . . Before Sidekicks & iPods . . . Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . . Before Spongebob . . . Before Tupac was shot. When light up sneakers were cool. When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs. When gas was 0.95 a gallon. When we recorded stuff on VCRs. You had slap bracelets! You Actually played outside until it was dark! Way back. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear. Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days . ..

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her

When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you
Grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you
she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
don't look away until she does

When she misses you
she's hurting inside

When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away

When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers

When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -

Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.-

When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-

Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-

Tease her and let her tease you back.-

Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-

Give her the world.-

Let her wear your clothes.-

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-

Let her know she's important.-

Kiss her in the pouring rain.-

When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile.

If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile.

If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, put it on your profile.

If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, copy this into your profile

If you wished you could either own or star in primeval copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile(Try 450 pg + book in less then one day)For some reason i don't think i should be proud of that

Sorry about all the repeats on here, i TRIED TO GET AS MANY OF THEM THAT ARE THE SAME OFF, BUT IT'S HARD TO DO ON SOME OF THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE NUMBERED AND IF i TAKE OUT THE NUMBERS 3, 6, 5, AND 9 i'LL LOOK LIKE A TOTAL MORON. sO... yA. tHAT'S HOW IT IS AND THAT'S HOW IT'S GONNA STAY. (uNTIL I POST MORE STUFF)wHOA, i TYPED THAT IN CAPS ON ACCIDENT LOL. Lol I typed that in caps too!

Love,

Locketful o’ Heartache

Stuff for my Story: A New Family, New Friends, and a New...Love?

Links

Clothes for chapter 3

Alice’s top, chapter 3:

Alice’s shorts, chapter 3:

Alice’s shoe’s, chapter 3:

Rosalie’s top, chapter 3:

Rosalie’s skirt, chapter 3:

Jasper’s hoodie, chapter 3:

Jasper’s denims, chapter 3:

Jasper’s shoes, chapter 3:

Edward’s hoodie, chapter 3:

Edward’s shoes, chapter 3:

Now for a new segment called: drum roll plz…

ANSWERS FOR MY FANSTERS!! (Wow. That was probably one of my most corny moments ever, lol.)

Q 1: Is it an all human story?

A: Yes. Carlisle and Esme just have their eyes the gold color because I thought that would be cool.

Q 2: How old is Bella?

A: Bella is 17.

I’m just going to say all of the ages and occupancies now to hopefully avoid future confusion.

Bella Swan/Cullen = 17, junior in Forks High School, Emmett’s now adopted sister, single

Edward Masen = 17, junior in Forks High School, Alice’s playa of a brother, single, but he has make out sessions all the time

Emmett Cullen = 18, senior in Forks Highs School, Bella’s new brother, Rosalie’s boyfriend

Rosalie Hale = 18, senior in Forks High School, Jasper’s twin, Emmett’s girlfriend

Jasper Hale = 18, senior in Forks High School, Rosalie’s twin, Alice’s boyfriend

Alice Masen = 17, junior in Forks High School, Jasper’s girlfriend

Carlisle Cullen = 34, doctor in Forks hospital, Esme’s husband, Emmett and Bella’s father (Bella’s adoptive father)

Esme Cullen = 33, home decorator, Emmett and Bella’s mother (Bella’s adoptive mother)

Renée Swan = IDK but I don’t think it really matters though cuz she’s dead, Bella’s birth mother

Charlie Swan = IDK but I don’t think it really matters though cuz he’s dead,

(Ouch, that was kinda cold, sorry.) Bella’s birth father

Q 3: How did Bella’s mom give her the Victoria’s Secret silk pajamas a few years ago when she died when she was eight? (It wasn’t really a question but I can answer it better this way.)

A: I’m so sorry about that. It was already morning when I was typing that and I didn’t realize that it didn’t really make sense. Again, sorry.

Comment by Sammy May Cullen:

I thought all of the normal Cullens/Hales would live there but I was wrong.

A: Yeah, they aren’t all related and don’t live in the same house, cuz it’d be weird if Bella was adopted by them and Edward was her brother. (Imagine the kids-shudder-. Lol, jk.) And I just thought it would work out better this way.

Statement by me: Jacob probably isn’t going to play a very big or good part in this. He might be on La Push’s football team with the rest of the Quileute boys and come to Forks High for a game, or he might just be another playa, or he might just be a friend, or he might date Bella but not be a playa. I haven’t decided yet.

(Sorry for all of the Jacob lovers if I make him a mean/sleazy/ man whore. I love Jacob too but Edwards my boi. :p )

Nuther statement by me: If you put your name in a review and want me to, I’ll try to put it in the story. : D

OMG, I’m so glad I got that outta the way. And thank you if you took all the time to read that, it’ll help if you were/are confused. If you didn’t read it, plz go back and do so. It’s muy importante. (Very important.)

Thanks peepsle!

Ya, that's right. I said peepsle. Watcha gonna do bout it? HUH?! Lol, jk. Thanks for taking the time to read my profile, it means a lot.

If you’re a girl and you’ve never beaten

a guy in an arm wrestle,

Copy the Flaming Heart of Youthfulness

into your profile!

(sorry girls only)

(I’ve actually flung a guy outta his seat onto the ground cuz I was so much stronger than he was during an arm wrestle XD. But I liked the heart lol =P)

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Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Dance Fever by JMaxi reviews
Bella has been dancing for years. It's the only thing that's remained constant in her life, other than her mom and the fact that they never stay in the same place longer than two years. On hiatus while I make major changes to the story. It will be reposted as soon as possible.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17 - Reviews: 277 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 145 - Updated: 4/21 - Published: 3/22/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
This Summer by BooYahIt'sRIYA reviews
You hurt me a lot Edward" Best friends turn bitter as the drama in school catches up on them. Now years later they meet again, but it's not very simple. "It's for the best Edward, this is my life, I HAVE to leave" All-Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 23,283 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 8/10/2014 - Published: 4/25/2009 - Bella - Complete
Rescue Me by Moonchild707 reviews
Isabella Swan lives in hell with her widower father, Charlie. When her two older brothers come home from school and discover their sister's horrific life, Bella's circumstances undergo a dramatic and life-altering change. Rewritten and edited version of the original. Based on true events. AH, OOC, dark themes, abuse.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 20,546 - Reviews: 1216 - Favs: 1,615 - Follows: 969 - Updated: 5/16/2014 - Published: 3/1/2009 - Bella
The Ashes like Snow by dustyrose03 reviews
It isn’t safe for anyone, you speak out and you are assassinated. If you have been seen with the suspected enemy, you will be hung. You harbour fugitives, you and your whole family will be shot. This is the way the world we live in works. AH ExB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 9 - Words: 34,380 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 1/28/2014 - Published: 7/24/2009 - Bella, Edward
Dear Bella Swan, you're Playing with the Big Boys by Dobber17 reviews
All Human. One day in gym class, Forks High learns that Bella Swan can kick. The football team needs a kicker. The result of that: Bella makes the football team. The problem: None of the guys want a girl on their team. ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99,377 - Reviews: 1351 - Favs: 1,246 - Follows: 1,318 - Updated: 1/6/2014 - Published: 5/17/2009 - Complete
Just Like You by Twi-Nerd18 reviews
Bella Swan is a teen sensation named Izzy Dwyer. Since her family moved to LA she's been homeschooled. Now that they have decided to move to another small town named Forks, her and her brother Jasper deal with their senior year at a real highschool. AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 17 - Words: 31,566 - Reviews: 140 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 143 - Updated: 1/2/2014 - Published: 5/26/2009 - Bella, Edward
A Euro Summer by Twi-Nerd18 reviews
Bella is off to Europe for a Summer Program. She makes friends from around the world that are in her tour group. She goes through ups and downs, from being lucky to unlucky, from love to no love and back again. I know Sucky summary. R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,764 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 1/2/2014 - Published: 3/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Swan Twins by pinkiepoo04 reviews
Bella and Emmett Swan get bullied everyday at school. One day, they can't take it anymore and decide to move away. They return 2 1/2 years later. Will Forks reconize them? What will the Cullens & the Hales think of them?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 44 - Words: 84,113 - Reviews: 1039 - Favs: 905 - Follows: 694 - Updated: 1/30/2013 - Published: 6/15/2009 - Bella, Emmett
My country, my home by luv-edward cullen-forever reviews
Bella forced back 2 her hometown Aravia,a dangerous place, sparks an interest in bad boy Edward & he always gets what he wants even if he has to kill for it.will Bella be able to change himor will he get what he wants with her & move on Smry insd M 4 lang
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 112,272 - Reviews: 1325 - Favs: 339 - Follows: 316 - Updated: 1/25/2013 - Published: 4/10/2009 - Edward, Bella
Changes to the Heart by Tomboy Amy reviews
Esme and Bella were mother and daughter as humans, but their relationship was not a good one. Years later, they meet as vampires in Forks. Bella is tired to playing nice and in the early years of being a vampire, her family was the Volturi. Warning, first few chapters are terrible since I was little when I started writing this story, but it gets MUCH better.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 36 - Words: 131,894 - Reviews: 996 - Favs: 511 - Follows: 448 - Updated: 9/7/2012 - Published: 7/21/2009 - Bella
Ugh, Cullen by Seraphie17 reviews
Bella Swan and Edward Cullen hate each other. Fully fledged war between them, but is it just hiding their true feelings?. Story starts with the end-flashesback to the beginning. Bad language, adult themes and the incredible Edward Cullen are all included.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 51,456 - Reviews: 830 - Favs: 471 - Follows: 454 - Updated: 7/30/2012 - Published: 12/28/2008 - Bella, Edward
Butterflies and Hurricanes by SeasonsInReverse reviews
FS inside. Bella Swan and Alice Brandon are not what people consider 'normal'. Living in constant fear of being discovered and only having eachother to trust of course having a pale, inhumanly beautiful family move to town would set anyone on edge.E/B A/J ON HIATUS
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Fantasy - Chapters: 17 - Words: 46,863 - Reviews: 299 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 214 - Updated: 7/23/2012 - Published: 9/1/2009 - Bella, Alice
The BEJ Club by Jazz Left reviews
DISCONTINUED - WORKING ON NEW VERSION Edward comes to Forks, the school male population is divided into two groups, Bella is in one of them. Why? Edward must understand what he has become and what Bella has always been in a confusing quest for Truth.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 19 - Words: 67,636 - Reviews: 142 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 6/4/2012 - Published: 6/10/2009 - Edward, Bella
Meeting Mrs Cullen by aliceismyfavoritecullen reviews
Professor Edward Cullen has trouble getting his male students to pass his class. And although all his female students are passing the class with flying colors, they continue to flirt with him. He uses Bella to solve the problem.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,857 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 1/2/2012 - Published: 5/30/2009 - Edward, Bella
Life Should Come With a Map by Joss17 reviews
Broken heart? Check. Abandoned by your own mother? Check. Struggling to repair your own life, while falling for the one boy in who would never date you? Check. Bella Swan settles into college life with childhood friends and is in for the ride of her life.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 64,840 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 98 - Updated: 12/30/2011 - Published: 9/19/2009 - Bella, Edward
Classic Cullen Moments by Sarahgotbored reviews
(Discontinued. Only reason this hasn't been deleted is because I'm a sentimental freak and like to look back on things I wrote when I was 13. Quite frankly it's awful, Stay away!)
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 58 - Words: 52,818 - Reviews: 1316 - Favs: 381 - Follows: 206 - Updated: 12/28/2011 - Published: 12/9/2008 - Complete
Mafia Princess by NessieCullen2005 reviews
Bella's family is known to the world as the Mafia. Bella is known as the Mafia princess. Edward is a undercover cop that is working on a case that involves with Bella's family. What happens when Edward is too involve in the case and Bella. Who will it be.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 3,006 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 110 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 12/14/2011 - Published: 3/31/2009 - Bella, Edward
Changed by NellyBear85 reviews
Rosalie was engaged and her best friend, Bella was her maid of honor. One night, they were attacked by Rosalie's fiancee and his friends. They were left to die in the street, until Dr. Cullen found them. What will they do with eternity?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 16 - Words: 55,909 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 286 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 10/23/2011 - Published: 8/6/2009 - Bella, Rosalie - Complete
Different by Dancin'WithTearsInMyEyes reviews
I yelped as more pain shot up from my leg. "Sorry Bella," He murmered sadistically,"I'm only doing this as a favor." And at that moment, right as he went in for the kill, I knew exactlly who he was talking about. Bella hybrid story, full sumary inside.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 16,974 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 9/4/2011 - Published: 6/22/2009 - Bella, Edward
Untouchable Like A Distant Diamond Sky by xoxo41 reviews
Edward Cullen is the football captain who is dating the cheerleading captain, Tanya. Bella Swan is the average best friend to Edward who is secretly in love with him. All human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 22,773 - Reviews: 547 - Favs: 434 - Follows: 346 - Updated: 9/1/2011 - Published: 11/11/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
High School Reunion by intoxicatingly.dazzled reviews
Bella Swan, former class geek, goes to her high school reunion and blows everyone away, especially Edward Masen, former class player. The journey they embark on that night is one that neither they nor their friends will ever forget.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 24,981 - Reviews: 398 - Favs: 352 - Follows: 401 - Updated: 8/5/2011 - Published: 8/4/2008 - Bella, Edward
You Don't Know Anything by TwiDi reviews
Parents' death left her with a new-born brother. Claiming him as hers, she heads to her father's. How’d she cope her unsaid secrets with the green-eyed jerk’s advances & unknwn lurking danger,EXB,AH,Possessiveward. Razzle Dazzle & Silent Tear Award nmnee
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 29 - Words: 178,553 - Reviews: 3502 - Favs: 2,626 - Follows: 2,651 - Updated: 6/19/2011 - Published: 3/13/2009 - Edward, Bella
Two Is Better Than One by Dancin'WithTearsInMyEyes reviews
Outcast Bella Swan is paired up with the 'popular' Edward Cullen for an English project. The project: Write a romance song together. Cliques are formed and sides are taken. Will the project bring them together...Or will it break them apart forever? AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,397 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 6/17/2011 - Published: 11/26/2009 - Edward, Bella
One for Sorrow Two for Joy by TorpleKnope reviews
Bella and Jacob are a match made in heaven. An escaped convict comes into her house and ends up kidnapping her, it turns out it wasn't completly by chance he came to that house. Everything is not as it seems. The real bad guy it closer than she thought.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 10 - Words: 23,776 - Reviews: 243 - Favs: 139 - Follows: 142 - Updated: 6/16/2011 - Published: 8/27/2009 - Edward, Bella
Tangled Up In Me by Accident Prone Klutz reviews
Bella attends the exclusive Buxley Academy, an girls spy school. What happens when she is sent to Forks, with the mission of protecting one unbelievably gorgeous and arrogant Edward Masen? AU: ALL HUMAN
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 46,830 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 256 - Follows: 348 - Updated: 5/24/2011 - Published: 9/3/2008 - Bella, Edward
Fighting Temptation by Dobber17 reviews
Classmates Bella, Edward, Mike, and Tyler are invited to a basketball clinic in Seattle for 2 weeks. Bella is sharing a hotel room with the guys. What happens? Truth or dare, streaking, injuries, jealousy, and a growing attraction between Edward and Bella. AH.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 73,441 - Reviews: 3256 - Favs: 2,062 - Follows: 1,250 - Updated: 4/29/2011 - Published: 3/14/2008 - Complete
Thursday Nights by dxdxhx reviews
Bella hasn't lived an easy life, she came to NYC at 16 in hopes of forgetting her troubled past. Edward's an actor who hasn't had a normal life. Can Edward break down her carefully built walls? Bella's a hardcore singer. Jake's a rapper. Full Summ inside.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 105,633 - Reviews: 284 - Favs: 156 - Follows: 196 - Updated: 4/4/2011 - Published: 7/22/2009 - Bella, Edward
When Emmett Gets Bored by mythicalcreatures428 reviews
Emmett gets bored and asks Bella some questions in front of the Cullens. CONTINUED!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,516 - Reviews: 137 - Favs: 196 - Follows: 98 - Updated: 4/1/2011 - Published: 8/24/2009 - Emmett, Bella
Red by Oxygen.and.Cucumber reviews
Bella hated Edward, and Edward hated Bella. Or so she thought. Forced to work with him for the money, there's no escaping his anger, his resentment, and... his love. AH/AU EDITING IN PROGRESS: CHAPTER 1-4 DONE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 17,721 - Reviews: 3725 - Favs: 1,905 - Follows: 1,068 - Updated: 2/22/2011 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Bella, Edward
Oops, he did it again! by JasperSAYSrelax128 reviews
When the family goes hunting,Emmett and Jasper Bella-sit. They decide to play truth or dare. Contains Jasper in Wal-Mart, Bella kissing, Emmett in jail? and Blue paint...will Emmett get in trouble...AGAIN? Won the Fanpire Fanfiction Best Humor award!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 51 - Words: 68,268 - Reviews: 3118 - Favs: 1,748 - Follows: 561 - Updated: 1/26/2011 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Complete
School Drama with the Cullens by h2ocatluvr33 reviews
The Cullens find a 5 year old Bella in a car crash with her dead parents. They take her in and raise her. What happens when they go to the same school? Add in flirting boys, jealousy, overprotective brothers, love, and drama could make things interesting
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,828 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 89 - Updated: 12/15/2010 - Published: 7/26/2009 - Bella
Bella's Boys by Lilac and Freesia reviews
Bella, Emmett, and Jasper have been friends since childhood. As they grow older and face the fear of losing themselves and their true friends, will they realize that all they need is each other? Rated T for language. E/B Em/R J/A
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 12 - Words: 22,707 - Reviews: 250 - Favs: 110 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 11/25/2010 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Bella, Edward
All I Wanted by Joss17 reviews
During the summer, Bella Swan goes on a European trip where she meets the love of her life, Edward Masen. But, everyone knows summer love isn't meant to last. Written for the Broken Fairy Tale Challenge. AU/AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 20,621 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 10/3/2010 - Published: 11/24/2009 - Bella, Edward
My Date With The President's Son? by sadlyinactive reviews
After being dragged to the mall Bella Swan finds something she never expected. Edward Cullen, as in Carlisle Cullen, the president's son! She soon goes on a ride she'll never forget. ExB AU.hiatus :
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 11,006 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 9/17/2010 - Published: 11/7/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Note by RAWRIBITEYOU reviews
Edward wrote down all his feelings for Bella in a note. He has never had the courage to give it to her. But what happens when Bella finds it? All Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,225 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 8/28/2010 - Published: 7/21/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
525,600 minutes by plzbeminearchie1991 reviews
Bella Swan is a hooter's girl,and doesn't take anyone's shit.No one has caught her eye until Edward comes in one day.Mesmerized with him,she makes a painting of him.What happens when he sees it in a museum in NYC?He scours the city to find her sum inside
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 40,842 - Reviews: 369 - Favs: 207 - Follows: 219 - Updated: 8/21/2010 - Published: 8/11/2009 - Bella, Edward
Crash of Fate by Race for the clock tower reviews
I put out my hands to soften the blow for the driver. As I reached, I saw the driver for the first time. I heard the breaks squeal as I looked into her brown doe-like eyes.A shriek escaped her lips as her lids closed, bracing herself for impact.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 31,948 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 8/17/2010 - Published: 5/13/2009 - Edward, Bella
Look Past the Veil of Hate by MyLifeIsEdwardCullen reviews
All Human. Edward and Bella used to be best friends. Now they hate each other or so the other thinks . Will they realize what they’re missing out on and finally get together? Better than it sounds, give it a try!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 20 - Words: 78,729 - Reviews: 2806 - Favs: 771 - Follows: 726 - Updated: 8/17/2010 - Published: 10/18/2009 - Bella, Edward
Silent Tears by luv-edward cullen-forever reviews
Edward is very loyal to his job, a mafia member. Since Edward was 9 he worked with his co-workers & his boss all mafia's . Edward never let anything get in his way of working until she happened will Bella, their new target change his way of living? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 60,423 - Reviews: 629 - Favs: 388 - Follows: 200 - Updated: 8/16/2010 - Published: 6/12/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Won't Let You Hold Me Down by Joss17 reviews
Rebel Bella wants nothing more than to escape the small, suffocating town of Forks. Edward is a cop who chose to stay with a hatred of rebellion. Edward arrest Bella in hopes of teaching her a lesson. What happens when she pushes back? Will it be love?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 42,319 - Reviews: 209 - Favs: 310 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 8/5/2010 - Published: 5/16/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Sapphire Amulet by ebtwisty9 reviews
AU: Ship watcher Bella is kidnapped onto a pirate ship where the captain, Edward, had sworn to never let a woman except for his family to set foot. Can Bella prove her worth? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 70,252 - Reviews: 1920 - Favs: 1,594 - Follows: 1,038 - Updated: 7/29/2010 - Published: 3/30/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
You're So Much More by vampire-legend reviews
Bella's only escape to a contact-limiting paranoia, is music. Specifically the music of her favorite band, Asphyxiated. What happens when she starts working with the band, and begins to open up to the lead singer, Edward Masen? All-Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 41,661 - Reviews: 346 - Favs: 261 - Follows: 177 - Updated: 7/26/2010 - Published: 6/11/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Prince by luv-edward cullen-forever reviews
Bella is a basketball player, Edward's a prince and they go to the same school and they hate eachother,but when one of the Bella's team member quits who will replace him? it's a really cute story plz give it a chance!:P
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 37,808 - Reviews: 264 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 149 - Updated: 7/16/2010 - Published: 3/12/2009 - Bella, Edward
Love Bite by luv-edward cullen-forever reviews
Edward and Bella kind of geeks have been dating since freshman year, but Junior year, Edward gets accepted into the basketball team...will Bella and Edward drift apart or is their love really as strong as eveyone thinks? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 45,197 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 148 - Follows: 159 - Updated: 7/16/2010 - Published: 7/23/2009 - Edward, Bella
The Hard Way To Learn A Lesson by Stephaniiie reviews
AU/AH Bad boy Edward needs to be taught a lesson. So his teachers come up with a plan- ‘marry’ him to the best behaved girl in school! How will his ego survive spending ‘eternity’ with Bella Swan! Little OOC. NOW COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 70 - Words: 279,341 - Reviews: 15833 - Favs: 7,046 - Follows: 3,239 - Updated: 7/13/2010 - Published: 6/23/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Hold On Tight by help-me-think-of-a-name reviews
Bella has everything she could ever want: huge house, popularity, money... But what happens when she's forced to go on an exchange, having to live with Edward Cullen and his large catholic family on their farm in Ireland for a whole year? AH B/OOC R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 17,672 - Reviews: 214 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 7/7/2010 - Published: 10/12/2009 - Edward, Bella
Kisses, Love, and Walls by theperson13 reviews
Bella, Alice and Rose all live in an apartment in Seattle. But what happens when they get some noisy neighbors that are just too annoying, but too attractive? Love can't easily be dodged..... The name says it all! All Human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 84,603 - Reviews: 551 - Favs: 345 - Follows: 286 - Updated: 6/12/2010 - Published: 5/6/2009 - Bella, Edward
Servin' Up Love by writing-rabbit reviews
Bella is a Waitress at Forks Diner. Her frequent customer is not her favorite.Two Words:Edward Cullen. Not only is he known for his rep. at School but he tends to bother Bella. What happens when he shares a secret with her about a girl he loves that's her
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 45,321 - Reviews: 371 - Favs: 351 - Follows: 211 - Updated: 6/7/2010 - Published: 8/11/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Endlessly by beautifulmoment reviews
Summary unavailable. Being Rewritten.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 44 - Reviews: 328 - Favs: 238 - Follows: 140 - Updated: 6/6/2010 - Published: 6/22/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
BellaxEmmett:a Twilight fanfic by Liza Isadore reviews
When Bella came to Forks she never expected to fall for one of the Cullens but what if she fell for a different Cullen? One who was already claimed? Emmett perhaps.....
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 14 - Words: 9,692 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 5/31/2010 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Bella, Emmett
Different by PlainJane2311 reviews
Bella's parents divorce. Bella moves to Phoenix away from her best friends, Alice and Edward. Now it's 4 years later. What will happen when Bella moves back to Forks and things get strange? Please R&R! NOT All Human!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 34 - Words: 86,767 - Reviews: 363 - Favs: 204 - Follows: 116 - Updated: 4/25/2010 - Published: 3/22/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
New Moon from Edward's POV by Itaque reviews
What Edward was thinking after leaving Bella. A look into the mind of the character we unduly love. "I imagined Bella’s blushing and mortified reaction to the attention. Wrong. That was a terrible idea, that pain which was eating away, now burned my body
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 22 - Words: 44,734 - Reviews: 307 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 4/19/2010 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Edward, Bella
Her Life by kandierain751 reviews
Bella is a junior with a dark past she itches to get rid of. Edward is just a normal senior wanting to make it through this year. Right? What about their friends? After all, everyone has secrets they wish to hide. Even the students of Forks High.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 34 - Words: 50,971 - Reviews: 378 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 4/13/2010 - Published: 5/12/2009 - Bella, Edward
Soulmate by idancewithvamps reviews
Bella has just escaped a nasty relationship and is having her first real night out with her friends.What will come of the evening w/ karaoke,a new gorgeous friend,and the ever hilarious best friends of Bella. Continued from a one-shot.AH/OOC/AU/T2BSAFE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 17,268 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 4/11/2010 - Published: 5/22/2009 - Bella, Edward
sk8er boi, by doubletime twins reviews
Edward’s a sk8er and Bella does ballet. They are neighbors and both hate each other, but when Edward gets in trouble and has to join the school dance contest. What happens when they get partnered together?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 20,580 - Reviews: 257 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 150 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 3/29/2009 - Bella, Edward
Twilight On Crack by purple-panda95 reviews
What happens when vampires get drunk/high? Read to find out.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 19,208 - Reviews: 206 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 4/5/2010 - Published: 5/4/2009
Darkest hours by dustyrose03 reviews
It has been 2 years since Bella has left Forks, with reasons unknown to anybody, for Bella it has been 2 years of agony, shame and regret, But when her mother forces her back to Forks, Bella has to face up to everything and everyone she left behind....AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 33,550 - Reviews: 225 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 159 - Updated: 4/5/2010 - Published: 2/6/2009 - Bella, Edward
Runaway by mythicalcreatures428 reviews
Bella has run away from her father Aro, the leader of the Volturi. She didn't want to but she didn't want to be locked in the castle anymore and is truely sad to leave. She is on the run from the Volturi guard but then years later she meets Edward.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 6,596 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 4/1/2010 - Published: 6/27/2009 - Bella
Playa Ed by pridk reviews
This is a story about a girl named Bella Swan. She is recovering from something in her past and moved away to a new place and to top it all of she has to deal with the all time player Edward Cullen. Great...
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,464 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 3/31/2010 - Published: 9/20/2009 - Bella, Edward
A Twisted Love Story by milenacullen reviews
When Bella and Edward's friendship comes to an end she cannot stand him, but when a popular senior starts to show interest in Bella will Edward be able to stay away? AH. OOC.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 24 - Words: 85,240 - Reviews: 486 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 173 - Updated: 3/31/2010 - Published: 2/9/2009
It's Such a Small World, right? by Kate Lotus reviews
Bella's a ballerina who has 2 jobs to pay for lessons; while Edward's a street dancer despite his rich family. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE. Not finishing. DD:
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,797 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 88 - Updated: 3/24/2010 - Published: 11/13/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Misadventures of Us by thamker reviews
Emmett, Edward and Jasper attend a school that is allowing Girls in for the first time. Alice, Bella, and Rosalie are just three of the girls attending. Follow along for lots of fun. Rated T for safety. All human cannon pairing
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 38,968 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 3/19/2010 - Published: 5/14/2009
Loves Treasure by Mexi-Rican reviews
Bella is a broken teen who is just trying to be invisible and get through high school, but what happens when two gang members from different gangs start paying attention to her? How will her personal life cause more uneeded problems? All human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 11 - Words: 14,696 - Reviews: 195 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 138 - Updated: 2/20/2010 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward
Reaching You by luvtrianglelover15 reviews
Bella is a tomboy who moves around a lot because of her fathers job. What will happen when she moves to Forks and meets Jacob as well as her English teacher, Edward? Obviously i don't own any of SM's characters or twilight. BxE-teacherXstudent,BxJ
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 14,296 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 2/16/2010 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Bella, Edward
California Boarding school by Hi.My.Fav.Number.Is.27 reviews
Bella's family is rich. She is shipped off with her freinds Alice and Rosalie to boarding school. They meet Jasper, Edward, and Emmett. Former Author bookwormchic95! ALL HUMAN. Filled with Edward and Bella drama. Not good at summarys! R&R
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 18,797 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 2/16/2010 - Published: 7/24/2009
College Life by foreversleepless reviews
Bella's off to college where she meets the player, Edward Cullen, and the nice guy, Vince Craig. They both have their eye on her. Is Edward really a player? Is Vince as nice as he acts? & Who keeps calling her? Drama isn't just meant for high school. AU!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 71,985 - Reviews: 1138 - Favs: 497 - Follows: 537 - Updated: 2/12/2010 - Published: 6/23/2008 - Bella, Edward
Another Chance by Twilightx28 reviews
Bella had been ignored by her mother since her sister had been born, While Charlie made it his job to never let her feel left out; until one day it was enough. A move to New York changes their lives after a quick divorce. Here is the story of change. Just add in some crazy friends and a whirlwind romance and we have Another Chance.BxE, Canon.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 60 - Words: 185,295 - Reviews: 1932 - Favs: 1,045 - Follows: 467 - Updated: 2/11/2010 - Published: 3/5/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Take advantage of my Drunken State by michelle lines reviews
.."Lets get you upstairs." he said with a seductive smile. He took me upstairs to a dark room, and laid me on the bed. The last thing I remembered b4 I collapsed was him unzipping my pants.EXB VAMP/HUMAN. I dont own Twilight. Sm does.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 22 - Words: 19,866 - Reviews: 700 - Favs: 147 - Follows: 152 - Updated: 2/6/2010 - Published: 5/3/2009
A New Twist by firebloom101 reviews
I was moving again, and there was 'buts' about it. I was on a plane heading to Forks, Washington. "BELLA!" I heard a loud scream. Dis: I don't own it! Story is up for adoption!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 13,459 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 1/31/2010 - Published: 2/18/2009 - Bella
Hard as a Feather, Soft as a Stone by sPunkY.sTeLLar reviews
Isabella Swan, the school's Queen comes back from a school exchange program and meets Edward Cullen, the new King of the school. Can she break Edward's tough exterior? Can he see through Bella's facade? -first fanfic- ON HIATUS
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 50,397 - Reviews: 201 - Favs: 176 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 1/26/2010 - Published: 9/3/2009 - Bella, Edward
Camp Cullen: Here We Go Again by TwiHard24 reviews
The gang's back for another year at camp and relationships are stronger than ever! Add in a rival camp and some 'friendly' competition and you're in for a load of surprises, new pranks, and new friends. Will the survive the ultimate challenge? Funny! R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,891 - Reviews: 435 - Favs: 314 - Follows: 312 - Updated: 1/24/2010 - Published: 6/15/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Skater and the Player by I'm A Bitch You've Been Warned reviews
Bella, Alice,and Emmett are the most popular kids at Forks high. Then Edward, Jasper and Rosalie came. Will Edward, the player, and Bella, the skater, find true love or hatred? BXE AXJ RXEm AH OOC T cause I'm paraniod
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,295 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 1/22/2010 - Published: 4/4/2009 - Bella, Edward
Forced or Willing Love? by TheMashMonster reviews
Bella saves Edward from the Volturi in New Moon, but what if things didnt go as smoothly as they wanted? What if someone wants Bella to stay and be his mate? Will Bella love this stranger or wait till Edward figures out how to save her?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,783 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 1/22/2010 - Published: 8/12/2008 - Bella
Camp by WonderfullyWickedWeasley reviews
A story of soulful dancers, snobby cheerleaders, and sporty football players. They all have to share the same campus when their old locations get burnt to the ground.First Fic. Be nice. Full summary inside. usual pairings eventually. DISCONTINUED! SORRY!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,420 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 1/16/2010 - Published: 5/31/2009 - Edward, Bella
One Day Out West by nolongerpostingonthissite reviews
AH/AU Set in the American West circa 1880. Bella moves to Forks and unwittingly becomes a pawn in the intense and often explosive rivalry between the infamous Cullens and their neighbors the Blacks. canon pairings.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Western/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 70,210 - Reviews: 761 - Favs: 444 - Follows: 564 - Updated: 1/7/2010 - Published: 2/17/2009
Tomboy Bella by mythicalcreatures428 reviews
ALL HUMAN. Bella grew up to be a tomboy with her brothers Jasper and Emmett. When they move to Forks with their dad, Bella, Emmett, and Jasper's lives might get a lot more interesting.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 43 - Words: 35,174 - Reviews: 783 - Favs: 372 - Follows: 236 - Updated: 1/6/2010 - Published: 5/8/2009 - Bella - Complete
Forks Boarding Academy by egyptianchic101 reviews
Edward and Bella have hated eachother since grade school. Now they start high school at Forks Boarding Academy to get away from eachother. But thay don't know that they will both be attending the same school. Will sparks fly or hatred rise? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 12 - Words: 11,239 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 12/28/2009 - Published: 7/11/2009 - Edward, Bella
Adventures In Forks High by EmotionallyConfuzzled reviews
What will happen when Forks High School get's snowed in? With all of the Cullens in there! They Spend the night? Mike tries to be sexy for Bella? Edward loses control? Will Jasper have fun with emotions? Kareoke? Truth or Dare! One crazy night is ahead.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 13,749 - Reviews: 703 - Favs: 451 - Follows: 379 - Updated: 12/27/2009 - Published: 4/8/2009
Bella and Jasper's bonding time by ramaya reviews
Bella wants Jasper to feel like family and so they decided to go on bonding time..
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,221 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 12/24/2009 - Published: 7/11/2009 - Bella, Jasper
Stockholm Syndrome by Twilo1 reviews
“Just let me leave,” I whispered, voice breaking, as a last attempt, though I knew the answer. “You can’t,” Edward told me. His voice held no sympathy or anger, just stating a simple fact. I couldn’t.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,211 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 12/6/2009 - Published: 6/2/2009
Torn by MrsBiteMe reviews
"A friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out." - Grace Pulpit. When Jacob ignores Bella in New Moon she develops a friendship with Quil. They become close, and then he, too, makes the change into werewolf. AU. Q/B & J/B.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 53,555 - Reviews: 509 - Favs: 404 - Follows: 188 - Updated: 12/4/2009 - Published: 7/29/2009 - Bella, Quil Jr. - Complete
Bella vs the Guys by Akatsuki Child reviews
Alice and Rose convince Bella to drink a "love potion." What happens when it actually works and she becomes the most hated and loved person at school? Who will win her heart? Will Rose and Alice get their twenty bucks back? AU. OOC. Hilarity will ensue.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 15,022 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 12/3/2009 - Published: 11/21/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Truth or DareCullen Style! by fullhousegrl22 reviews
So Bella is left alone with Jasper and Emmett while everyone is away. Will J/A and EM/R relationships break apart or grow stronger? And will Edwards and Bella relationship grow stronger? R&R for more chapters! Better than the summary!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 14 - Words: 32,280 - Reviews: 251 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 11/28/2009 - Published: 7/20/2009 - Jasper, Emmett
You Are My Sunshine by TorpleKnope reviews
Bella didn't know just how important Jacob was to her, she loved him much more than she realized. Warring with a possible mental condition, she knows Jacob never left her side. All-human One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,735 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/27/2009 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
I feel like I already know you by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles reviews
Date night is ALWAYS ruined by Bella and Edward's 'Just Friends' attitude. Their friends new policy: hook up or get out. So B and E hit the singles dating website to find their "True Love". They may be surprised at who that turns out to be....
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 40,906 - Reviews: 1486 - Favs: 510 - Follows: 305 - Updated: 11/22/2009 - Published: 6/16/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Newest Vamp In Town by KassandraCullen reviews
Bella is a new vamp is Forks! she gets blood from Carlisle that was donated to the hospital, and has Victoria after her for revenge, and the Volturi for her gift! NO LEMONS! but there are mature themes and remarks! it's our first M story!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 25,420 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 11/21/2009 - Published: 6/13/2009 - Bella, Edward
Where The Wild Things Are by Bella Regia reviews
The forests that surround 19th century Forks are not a safe place to be, as Bella soon discovers.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 24,422 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 11/20/2009 - Published: 5/1/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Love Game by Hisvelvetyvoice reviews
Bella just started boarding school and has promised herself she will never fall for the arrogant jerk of a player Edward Cullen and be his girl for the week, yet he is determined to make her his..but what he doesn't expect is to fall for her...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 21,553 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 11/11/2009 - Published: 10/31/2009 - Bella, Edward
Shut Up and Play by Llamalicious Twi-Hards reviews
Bella moves to Forks after her mother gets married. Football is Bella’s life and she is really good at it. The only problem it is her senior year and the guys at Forks high aren’t exactly going to let a girl join their team.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 8 - Words: 12,993 - Reviews: 277 - Favs: 217 - Follows: 240 - Updated: 11/4/2009 - Published: 2/16/2009 - Bella, Edward
Dark As Night by lovetheL reviews
Bella has been retired from a dangerous life for over a year now and was enjoying living in peace. That is, until on dismal evening her world is turned upside down by a group of thugs. AH, ExB, OOC. R&R please. -smile-
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Crime/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,411 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 10/27/2009 - Published: 7/29/2009 - Bella, Edward
Memories That Fade Like Photographs by LilMsSugarRush reviews
Bella's best friend, Edward, is getting married to the love of his life, Tayna. When Bella and Edward do something terrible, Bella feels the need to runaway. Will the Cullens let her get away with leaving? Will Edward ever love Bella in that way? OOC. AH.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 16 - Words: 49,819 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 139 - Follows: 119 - Updated: 10/27/2009 - Published: 2/19/2009 - Bella, Edward
Forbidden Fruit by Twireader81 reviews
Bella feels left out when Rose and Alice meet two mysterious men. Will a trip to a fall apple festival change Bella's life forever? How will the Halloween party play out when three beautiful boys get invited into the girls' apartment? Fright Night entry.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,343 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 21 - Published: 10/21/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Waitress by TwiHard24 reviews
“It’s caviar,” I told her easily.A-dur.“I know that, but what is it?” she snapped. Well Miss Priss, I don’t really like your attitude.“Unborn fish spawn,” I told her just as she took a bite into it.One connecting door, 3 boys, and 3 girls. AH B/E A/J R/E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,974 - Reviews: 518 - Favs: 281 - Follows: 315 - Updated: 10/18/2009 - Published: 6/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
Discoveries by SmTwnGrl reviews
AU. Bella grew up in Forks and moved away just before high school. She was popular in Forks and Phoenix and very athletic. How will all of this change Bella's opinion of Edward? And his opinion of her? Not E/B. Will be Bella/ OC.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,724 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 10/17/2009 - Published: 7/18/2009 - Bella
Over The Wall by TwiHard24 reviews
After the girls sneak into an all boys military school Bella can't seem to get one of the guys, Emmett, out of her head.With Rose and Alice pushing her closer to him can she keep denying her feelings for him or will she let him catch her as she falls?BxEm
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14,383 - Reviews: 151 - Favs: 136 - Follows: 154 - Updated: 10/12/2009 - Published: 7/18/2009 - Bella, Emmett
A Sincere Deception by xMainstreamEmoBrdlineHardcorex reviews
A/H A/U. Badboy Edward and Hardcore Bella have a love/hate relationship. He loves her she 'hates' him. what happens when cupid wont give them a break? E/B Em/R J/A rated T for language. truth or dare, band gigs, and bad pick up lines! NOW COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 55 - Words: 110,653 - Reviews: 2111 - Favs: 722 - Follows: 408 - Updated: 10/7/2009 - Published: 11/26/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Things Left Unspoken by x.x.purpleflower.x.x reviews
As kids, Edward used to humiliate Bella everyday. She was a complete loser. He hated her. Now, Bella is the glamorous editor of Vogue, and Edward's boss. Will they recognize each other? Is there chance they will fall in love? Better than it sounds! AH.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 27,511 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 10/4/2009 - Published: 5/16/2009 - Edward, Bella
One of the Boys by esme.says.so reviews
When Bella overhears Jess plotting to worm her way into Edwards affections, and push best friend Bella out of his life for good, she knows she must do something- but what? She's just one of the boys. Right?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 15,882 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 9/21/2009 - Published: 7/12/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Girl Next Door by Xiomarah reviews
Bella had a crush on Edward since the day he moved next door. Too bad they're complete opposites. He's hot, rich, and reining king, while Bella is shy, geeky, and plain. Sick and tired of the bullying she returns later with a hot new body and attitude.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,655 - Reviews: 182 - Favs: 168 - Follows: 178 - Updated: 9/20/2009 - Published: 5/10/2009 - Bella, Edward
Looking for Love, Family, and a Home by Shanice712 reviews
What happens when and a 8yr. old girl steals from a pharmacy and a blond man catches up to her and her two other siblings in an ally. Well you take them home and gave them ice cream cake of course!. CxEs,RxEm,JxA,and BxE T rated now but M rated later.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 23,138 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 9/20/2009 - Published: 6/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
Double Take by Heartless.Forever reviews
Isabella Swan was a nerdy girl who was picked on by the popular kids in school, especially Edward Cullen. When she moves back after almost six years during her senior year of high school, how will things change? AH ExB. REWRITE: MASTERS OF WAR.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 46,962 - Reviews: 603 - Favs: 1,309 - Follows: 536 - Updated: 9/19/2009 - Published: 2/14/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
His Day Just Got Cullenized by EmotionallyConfuzzled reviews
Alice sees Charlie coming over early for a visit...and her and Emmett get an idea. They give Charlie a walk-through of daily life in the Cullen house-hold! Includes waking up Edward and Bella, Emmett's innuendos, and more! Post BD, very funny. Please R&R.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,563 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 9/19/2009 - Published: 7/31/2009
Catch Me by mf14 reviews
Bella Swan moves to Forks Washington and is not happy about it. That is, until she meets a bad boy by the name of Edward Cullen. AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 25,652 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 9/18/2009 - Published: 5/14/2009 - Bella, Edward
Technically In Love by aminea88 reviews
Edward Masen and Bella Swan, two people known at Grand Forks High for being mortal enemies. When they unknowingly meet on an online chat site is it the beginning of love? Or a disaster in the making? Cannon pairings, Co-Written With AlyssaLutz
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 63,933 - Reviews: 580 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 264 - Updated: 9/16/2009 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Edward, Bella
Fighting Fate by Stephaniiie reviews
AH Bella is about to enter a marriage she had no say in, though her heart belongs to the homeless stranger she has never spoken to. Edward has nothing and wants nothing except for the smile he receives from that brown-eyed girl that walks by everyday..ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,008 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 9/14/2009 - Published: 7/26/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Girl With The Rose by Tomboy Amy reviews
The Cullen’s and Bella are at a ball at Forks High. In my story, she doesn’t come until the ball, so it is her first time at Forks High. So the Cullen’s don’t know Bella and Bella doesn’t know them.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,595 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 7 - Published: 9/12/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Welcome to Seattle, Love by lune d'ete reviews
Bella is tranferred to a boarding school in seattle. . . What happens when she learns that her new roomie is a guy whose's name is Edward Cullen? AH, OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 14,638 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 9/11/2009 - Published: 6/22/2009
Torn To Pieces by WolfGirl4Life reviews
Our relationship was natural and after denying his love for so long, I let fate take its course and it would only lead me to the little red house. And though I wasn’t whole I settled for this. My werewolf friend who loved me more than I could ever return.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,150 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/10/2009 - Published: 8/29/2009 - Bella, Jacob
My Promise to You by Ravita20 reviews
Bella & Jacob are childhood sweethearts but Jacob is abusive. What will happen if Bella moves and meets a certain bronze-haired guy? What will happen if her past returns? What will happen if she gets stuck between not TWO but THREE guys? All Human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 131,008 - Reviews: 307 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 9/8/2009 - Published: 7/11/2009 - Complete
Stuck In a Closet With Emmett by BlackBeauty613 reviews
Emmett and Bella are accidentally locked inside a closet together. One of them is bound to lose their minds. Just a quick little three minute drabble, no romance.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,438 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 9/6/2009 - Published: 1/7/2009 - Bella, Emmett - Complete
Why Twilight Sucks by Ignored Muse reviews
I don't know if I can post this here, but I'm going to just to see how many people I can piss off.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,976 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 9/4/2009 - Published: 5/4/2009
Thanks alot by coffee.and.cigars reviews
Today, I discovered that I imprinted on the guy I hate whose a vampire. Then, my friends made me tell Sam. FML. -I do not own Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,621 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 8/29/2009 - Published: 8/22/2009 - Edward, Jacob
The fear by dustyrose03 reviews
For the past 12 years of her life, Bella has lived without knowing where she came from. But one little accident changed everything and now Bella is in constant danger. Will she stay put and be safe? Or will she run to protect her loved ones? ExB AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 19 - Words: 40,248 - Reviews: 321 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 8/25/2009 - Published: 1/17/2009 - Bella, Edward
First Sight by hiei-fan-11 reviews
if copied off of EdwardIsMyFutureHusband's fanfiction, then it's imported. I can't remember if I used it as a fanfiction on EdwardIsMyFutureHusband's account. I am also EdwardIsMyFutureHusband.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 965 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
Your Next by Secretlovee reviews
30 teens,30 days,1 hotel, a Hawaii getaway and the senior trip of their dreams.Or not. What happens when 1 of the students are found dead and others start to go missing?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Horror/Mystery - Chapters: 9 - Words: 6,230 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 7/8/2009
Unusual by selphie4 reviews
Bella moves to live with her dad and finds out hes rich and that she has a stepmom. Then theres her new highschool where attitudes clash... EXB R&R All Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 18,001 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 10/29/2008 - Bella, Edward
Light In The Dark by 5t4c3y reviews
She was the Chief of Police's 17 year old daughter...He was the 24 year old that was living with them. A forbidden Romance has never been more complicated. AU/AH Full Summary inside. Please R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 25,003 - Reviews: 356 - Favs: 277 - Follows: 302 - Updated: 8/22/2009 - Published: 2/4/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Night's Cloak by dustyrose03 reviews
Realising what he was about to do, Bella opened her mouth and screamed, letting everything she had felt tonight out - the terror, the anxiety, everything. Then throughout the sheeting rain, Bella saw Edward pounce towards her then nothing... AU One shot!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,907 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/20/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Oh my Icecream! by lizzyvamp1901 reviews
Bella and Jake are all alone in the house. Edward, I repeat, is NOT THERE. What can Jake do that darling Eddie can't? Find out here! NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 233 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 11 - Published: 8/20/2009 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
Are you thirsty Bella? by Wincing The Night Away reviews
Emmet and Jasper are babysitting Bella, while Edward is out hunting. Things happen…and Edward gets mad...and who is the mysterious kidnapper? And why is there a mysterious kidnapper?...OOoo...Read and find out! R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,959 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 8/19/2009 - Published: 6/18/2009 - Jasper, Emmett - Complete
Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys? by BloodsuckingLeech reviews
Bella,Alice & Rosalie are violent, moody, bad girl best friends in a punk band called "Royally Screwed." Edward,Jasper & Emmett are the new bad boys in school. When they meet, Forks High becomes their battle ground. AU-some human, some not. R&R !
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 33 - Words: 69,195 - Reviews: 1795 - Favs: 1,212 - Follows: 668 - Updated: 8/19/2009 - Published: 1/16/2008 - Bella, Edward
A Simpler Existance by suchasap reviews
Bella is working as an assistant while saving up to follow her dreams. Edward is a high power executive on the verge of burning out. Their paths cross and they both long for something simpler.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,202 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 8/18/2009 - Published: 6/3/2009
Changed by Edward cullen is my hero reviews
Bella is back from holidays and has a hot new body and has got confidence and attitude. Edward's a player and wants her but Bella thinks he only likes her since her new looks. Bella's long time friend Jacob has liked Bella for ages. Who will she choose?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,792 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 8/17/2009 - Published: 8/5/2009 - Bella, Edward
Sk8ter Boi by vampire-legend reviews
Though reluctant to move, teenage skater, Edward Cullen, finds solace in new friends. How will Edward and Bella's immediate best friend relationship fair when sparks are flying? How will Edward cope without the attention that competition brings him? AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 54,559 - Reviews: 1388 - Favs: 1,180 - Follows: 513 - Updated: 8/17/2009 - Published: 7/24/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Divine Intervention by BookMe reviews
Bella ends up in a car crash which changes everything for her.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,491 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 54 - Published: 8/10/2009 - Bella, Edward
I Love it Already by hallowsbeforehorcruxes reviews
Jasper, Emmett, and Bella Whitlock, the most popular people on campus throw a wild party after a football game. What happens when harmless partying turns into a life-long commintment? OOC, AH, Cannon couples.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,234 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 8/9/2009 - Published: 7/28/2009
Southeast Central Academy by musicbooksphotography reviews
Bella is the most talented artist at her school and SECA offers her a full scholarship. There she meets the dashing Edward who likes her. Can he win her love with all the boys lusting after her too? Will Bella feel the same way? Everyone is human. HIATUS
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 42,330 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 8/5/2009 - Published: 4/25/2009 - Bella, Edward
Abused by iloveyouhh.x33 reviews
Bella is getting abused by Charlie. She doesn't want anyone to know; especially Edward. What happens when Bella gets fed up with all the abuse? READ, READ, READ!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,390 - Reviews: 351 - Favs: 268 - Follows: 258 - Updated: 8/4/2009 - Published: 6/3/2009
Bella and the Cullen Guys by WeirdRandomHyperTwilightFREAK reviews
Bella is living with 3 boys Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle. She is the familys best fighter with extra speed and srength making her very lethal. Everyone is happy but lonely until they move to Forks and meet the Platts! Love blossoms what will happen? R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,745 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 8/3/2009 - Published: 7/5/2009 - Bella
Jelousy by alice addict reviews
After a heartbreaking attack from the volturi, tanya comes to forks to live with the cullen's. Can she handle her crush's new mate? Suck at summaries, but please read.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,220 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 8/1/2009 - Published: 6/30/2009 - Tanya, Edward
Bullied into Love by Mrs.DamonS reviews
Bella is a sophomore in HS; she’s not very popular. Edward is 22 and works at Wal-mart. What happens when Bella makes a bet that she can get him to ask her to the dance? Can she get this wal-mart cutie to ask her to the dance? All human! R&R
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 39,246 - Reviews: 324 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 7/31/2009 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Without a Gun by dustyrose03 reviews
It's been 4 months since they escaped Italy,but when those you thought you would never see again,return. Intentions become clear and what would you do if you had to risk the life of the one you loved? Sequel to Another Way To Die! AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 22,300 - Reviews: 400 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 290 - Updated: 7/31/2009 - Published: 2/16/2009 - Bella, Edward
Pirates and Princesses by VeryRachelBerry reviews
Bella is in kindergarten and is sitting all by herself. Edward comes to see if she wants to play with him. My first shot at younger versions of them, so it might not be amazing. Re-posted it. I had to fix something. Lost all my stats though :
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,050 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 7/30/2009 - Published: 7/9/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Nessie Gets her Hair Cut by Yoga Girl reviews
Renesmee finally needs her hair cut. It has reached her ankles, and she's getting it tangled up. See how this desision causes a family uproar.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 588 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/29/2009 - Complete
Edward & Bella Play Football by KC101 reviews
Edward and Bella have to play football in PE. What happens? Read and find out! Review!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,414 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 14 - Published: 7/29/2009 - Bella, Edward
Table of happiness by the-broken reviews
Edward is not the loner we thought he was, actually he's a player and bella is disgusted by it, but when tragedy stikes will edward be the only one to understand?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,534 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 7/27/2009 - Published: 3/13/2009 - Bella, Edward
Blackout by MandyLeigh87 reviews
All human, Edward and Bella POV. Edward and Bella live in two different worlds, even though they live next to each other. Things get complicated when Edward, the leather jacket wearing cigarette smoking rebel falls for the girl next door.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 36 - Words: 99,410 - Reviews: 1450 - Favs: 1,947 - Follows: 687 - Updated: 7/26/2009 - Published: 2/19/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Don't Shoot My Dog by An End Has A Start reviews
City man Edward Masen moves to a rural town for a break. On arrival he’s met with open arms from most female townsfolk, guns and fists from the men, and a growling dog from his highly attractive neighbour, who hates his guts on day one. ExB All Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 57,495 - Reviews: 1156 - Favs: 896 - Follows: 692 - Updated: 7/26/2009 - Published: 5/29/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Julliard School of the Arts by twilightluver11 reviews
Bella gets accepted to Julliard and meets some great friends and some not so great ones. She meets Edward who is a big player and the schools 'king'. But what if Bella steals his crown? Whether she wants to or not. OOC,AH Complete!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 14,730 - Reviews: 389 - Favs: 197 - Follows: 140 - Updated: 7/25/2009 - Published: 12/26/2008 - Complete
Twins by PriscillaFlores reviews
Everyone knows the Cullens at Forks High, silent, beautiful, and smart, but the two who even caught Bella's eye her first time at school are the ones anyone should worry about.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,854 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 7/22/2009 - Published: 6/8/2009 - Bella, Edward
Save Me, Forever by Countrygal17 reviews
REWRITE! Edward goes to hunt with his family on a sunny day in Forks. And of course, that is the day that a student decides to bring a gun to school. Will Edward come to save Bella in time?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,206 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 7/21/2009 - Published: 5/19/2009 - Bella, Edward
Another way to die by dustyrose03 reviews
Bella is nearing 16,the Princess of Italy. Edward is 17,the brother of the Mafia bosses; and Edward has wanted nothing more than to be exactly like them. So when Bella runs away from the life she never wanted, Edward is ordered to kidnap her... AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 41,360 - Reviews: 607 - Favs: 540 - Follows: 220 - Updated: 7/16/2009 - Published: 11/9/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Get Outta My Head by I Dazzle You reviews
All fairytales don't always end in happy endings. My prince had issues of his own. He often took them out on me. He had a past i had yet to uncover. " You made me say it Bella." I wish he would stop making me feel like this.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 16 - Words: 31,751 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 7/15/2009 - Published: 5/2/2009 - Edward, Bella
The Doll House by Kambria Rain reviews
We were all going to die. I used to be an optimistic person, but that went out the window as soon as the hot mountain man decided we were going to hunt the hunters. AH. Warning: So far, there are minor character deaths, and Edward's a little scary.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Mystery - Chapters: 15 - Words: 43,019 - Reviews: 1296 - Favs: 1,504 - Follows: 443 - Updated: 7/15/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Unknown Love by Edward cullen is my hero reviews
Bella moves to Forks and falls for Jacob but does she truly love him? What happens when she and Edward get close and Bella doesn't want to hurt Jacobs feelings. Whta will she do? Will she continue to be with Jacob and leave Edward heartbroken for her?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 24,572 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 7/14/2009 - Published: 6/17/2009 - Bella, Edward
I Hate You, Edward Cullen by Strange.x.And.x.Beautiful reviews
AU, AH. Bella and Edward have mutually hated each other for years. When Alice convinces their parents send them to camp together will they end up killing each other or will they get over their animosity? Full and better summary inside.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,907 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 5/17/2009 - Bella, Edward
Why the Mall? by fanpire14 reviews
Bella and Edward first meet at the mall. When they meet Edward is a total jerk to her. Will she be able to change that or is there no hope for him. First story so go easy on me.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 5,402 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 9/27/2008
May the Best Intern Win by dxdxhx reviews
Bella and Edward are aspiring designers and they get an opportunity to work for one of the biggest designers in the business as an intern. Bella notices Edward flirting and staring. But why… he’s gay... isn't he? OOC M for languge Canon Couples! AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 67,901 - Reviews: 441 - Favs: 474 - Follows: 206 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 5/18/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Prince On A White Horse by jewlzncoolz reviews
Bella is a bad girl with a careless attitude. When she is forced to go live with her father and his family, will she cope? will she decided to change her ways? or will a prince on a white horse dazzle her back to goodness?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 40 - Words: 77,382 - Reviews: 1093 - Favs: 483 - Follows: 263 - Updated: 7/4/2009 - Published: 2/1/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
It's Been A Long Time Coming by JMaxi reviews
Bella is a vampire. Her best friend has always been Carlisle. She visits, thinking she doesn't know any of his coven members, but what's this? Bella knows all of the Cullen men? How? When? Where? And how come it hurts her to look at Edward? One-shot. ExB.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,730 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 21 - Published: 7/3/2009 - Complete
Breakdown by walkingaftermidnight reviews
Nothing could ruin my high knowing that her tires had been pointed in my direction when she'd suddenly become stranded halfway down the 110. I was her support system, her breath of fresh air, her light at the end of the tunnel. Jake/Bella. Oneshot. ANGST!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,972 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/2/2009 - Jacob, Bella - Complete
First Period by ShesInLoveWithTheBoy reviews
Nessie gets her first period... And only the guys are home. Renesmee P.O.V.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 692 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 39 - Published: 6/30/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
The Fight by Xenexian reviews
When Emmett finds a pair of Bella's underwear in the sofa, how will Edward react? Challenge reply for TJC! Emmet and Edward just friends
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 661 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Published: 6/30/2009 - Edward, Emmett - Complete
Bella's Mission by Mermermermer294 reviews
Bella is a good girl except when i comes to her grades. she then has to watch Edward, the bad boy, for the rest of the year. they r enemies, but will luv ever sprout 4 them? or will her best friend bf make sure they never have a happy ending? all human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,982 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 6/29/2009 - Published: 5/29/2009 - Bella, Edward
Truth And Dare:Cullen Style by AlexPayne reviews
The Cullen family is bored. They decide to play a game they made up called Truth AND Dare. Can any good come of this?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 7,573 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 10 - Published: 6/29/2009 - Complete
Home by vampirelover44 reviews
Bella hears music playing from the piano downstairs and it's not who she thinks it is.Cute family drabble. Bella/Jasper/Esme
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,606 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/28/2009 - Complete
Accidentally in Love by PredictableDreamer reviews
Bella and brothers, Emmett and Jasper, are accepted to the boarding school of their dreams. Little do they know that they must learn to adjust to high school dramas, love, and a whole new world of people. All Human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,473 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 5/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain reviews
Um. Hi. I don’t really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 74,736 - Reviews: 8724 - Favs: 14,298 - Follows: 2,965 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Secret Identites by jasperissexy reviews
All the characters come out of the closet! Emmett's naked! Alice buys a...pink strainer? The Cullens are just really crack heads in disguise...probably. VERY random and VERY OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 7,679 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 6/25/2009 - Published: 12/31/2008
Vampires VS Telemarketers by xxdarkxwingedxangelxx reviews
Just something random that I thought up of... The Cullens Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Bella, Edward, and Reneesme 'talking' to a telemarketer. Post-BD. One-Shot... Decided not to do a second chapter...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 366 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/24/2009 - Complete
She Breaks What She Gets by the newest cullen reviews
Manipulative Bella is shaken by the arrival of Edward at the pretentious Forks Academy. Can they grow up and find a way to make it work, or will their firey romance get too hot to handle? T for language, title may change.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 12,336 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 6/19/2009 - Published: 4/13/2009 - Bella, Edward
If He Could See Me Now by Dancin'WithTearsInMyEyes reviews
Set in New Moon. What if Bella had found a different way to cope with the pain of losing her love? A way that didn't involve Jake. Would her and Edward still reunite? Rated T because I'm paranoid. I do not own twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.3-shot.I think
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,756 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 6/16/2009 - Published: 5/9/2009 - Bella, Edward
Halfway Through the Night by dustyrose03 reviews
Princess Bella Swan was seventeen when her father was killed in battle, she has to protect her country. But when she meets Edward, will he change everything? Responsible for her fathers death, and her countrys' poverty, Bella should loathe him. Right? AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,348 - Reviews: 170 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 6/14/2009 - Published: 2/17/2009 - Edward, Bella
Downfall by Madame Meg reviews
When Bella unwillingly marries King Edward, she starts searching for ways out of the marriage, unbeknownst to him. However, she soon finds herself embroiled in deceit as she learns she has a stalker, and Edward might just be the only man she can turn to.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 3 - Words: 19,075 - Reviews: 283 - Favs: 244 - Follows: 319 - Updated: 6/6/2009 - Published: 9/14/2008 - Bella, Edward
Over My Dead Heart by Dancin'WithTearsInMyEyes reviews
You love her." Tanya declared suddenly." I can tell by the way you put your hand over your heart." Edward's POV. After the break up scene.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,063 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/1/2009 - Edward - Complete
Searching for the Stars by limella reviews
Bella hates Edward. He's a snobby, popular playboy. But when she finally thinks she's getting rid of him during the summer, he suprises her by showing up at the same summer camp she's going to. Will they fall in love? FIND OUT!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 20,917 - Reviews: 338 - Favs: 166 - Follows: 178 - Updated: 5/26/2009 - Published: 1/3/2009 - Bella, Edward
fatal attraction by mrs.edwardemmettjaspercullenxx reviews
edward moved from alaska to forks he's a major playor and treats bella like dirt, but she's determind to unearth his true personality, but what if deranged exes got in the way of true love. 1st fan fic.all human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 16,305 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 5/22/2009 - Published: 12/31/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
3 plus 3 equals 6 by iamvamp reviews
Alice, Bella and Rose move into a rented house... but they need a couple more flatmates to fill the empty rooms and pay the rent... All human. OVER 300,000 HITS! Sequal chapter added- 16th May 09
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 133,502 - Reviews: 1977 - Favs: 1,904 - Follows: 704 - Updated: 5/16/2009 - Published: 3/12/2008 - Complete
Project Edward by dxdxhx reviews
Edward is phyiscally the definition of geek. Bella is the Queen Bee of Bristol academy. What happens when Edward and Emmett start attending Bristol and Edward is assigned to be Bella's tutor. Is a push in the right direction all he needs to get Bella?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 62,138 - Reviews: 384 - Favs: 349 - Follows: 147 - Updated: 5/12/2009 - Published: 4/14/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Taking Bella Hunting by mythicalcreatures428 reviews
Emmett and Jasper take Bella hunting. Takes place in Twilight after Bella finds out what Edward and his family are.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 603 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 6 - Published: 4/14/2009 - Jasper, Emmett - Complete
Don't Get Caught Writing Notes by vampire-legend reviews
They can hardly have a conversation with each other without throwing some kind of insult. When Bella tries to move on, will it finally spark Edward into telling her how he feels. All-Human. One-shot. ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,953 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 16 - Published: 4/7/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Thief Like Me by TwiHard24 reviews
Bella and Rosalie are partners in crime. What happens when they get some very interesting company one night who want them to join in the hunt that could possibly save millions while killing them and their new found friends? Normal Pairings.action/funny!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,488 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 3/28/2009 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Bella, Edward
A Christmas At The Lodge by TwiHard24 reviews
The Cullens are spending their holidays at the Hale Lodge-just like every other year. Emmett's trying to get Rosalie, Jasper's trying to make his move with Alice, and Edward is intrigued by the Lodge's singer/snowboarding instructer.AH REALLY FUNNY!REVIE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,433 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 3/27/2009 - Published: 12/13/2008 - Bella, Edward
Truth Or Dare by An Improbable Fiction reviews
After a boring Day shopping with Alice. The Cullens and Bella play truth or Dare. ONE SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,291 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 3/21/2009 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Emmett, Bella - Complete
The Freshmen by rectanglecurve reviews
Introverted, misanthropic Edward has never shown any interest in having friends. However, when he encounters a group of beautiful students at his new school, he cannot help but feel intrigued by them. What is he willing to do to prove himself?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 12 - Words: 19,321 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 3/3/2009 - Published: 11/27/2008
Stupid Red Notebook by Forestrosesprite reviews
Edward has fallen in love with one of his students, the trouble is, she won't even look at him.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,581 - Reviews: 94 - Favs: 188 - Follows: 34 - Published: 1/21/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Yours To Hold by vampire-legend reviews
They see each other every day but believe the other doesn't know they exist. All that changes at a school dance they're both forced to attend. All-Human. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,458 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 132 - Follows: 28 - Published: 1/13/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Meyer University by Sh.C reviews
Bella moves to college where she meets and befriends the Cullens and Hales. Edward Cullen goes through many girls he meets Bella & sees something he likes. Much better Summary Inside. All Human. Adventure, mystery, humor & of course,a little romance! AU
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 63 - Words: 184,281 - Reviews: 8211 - Favs: 5,875 - Follows: 2,169 - Updated: 1/8/2009 - Published: 11/2/2007 - Complete
Notes by Llama Mama23 reviews
Edward and Bella are caught passing notes in class. The teacher has the note read to the class. A series of embarassing events ensues, including Edward in a trunk, Bella in a gas mask, Carlisle as Tarazn, and Emmett with blue hair.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 25,990 - Reviews: 2868 - Favs: 2,064 - Follows: 972 - Updated: 12/29/2008 - Published: 5/14/2007 - Complete
Awkward Day by pandorasnotebook reviews
Awkward Day is the Cullen's favorite holiday when you add 'In my pants' or 'In bed' to the end of every sentence. Poor Edward. Oneshot!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,495 - Reviews: 400 - Favs: 476 - Follows: 71 - Published: 11/27/2008 - Complete
Thanks for the Memories by sylamesio123 reviews
Bella Swan has always been average. Her best friend is Alice Cullen. Alice Cullen has a brother—Edward. He is a total jerk. Bella hates Edward because he and her used to be best friends, but then he became popular by becoming quarterback and abandoned her
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 16,569 - Reviews: 709 - Favs: 332 - Follows: 235 - Updated: 8/6/2008 - Published: 4/11/2008 - Complete
It's Raining Men! by Librarian2be reviews
AU what would happen if Bella moved to live Forks with her father, who decideds to send bella to a boarding school. 1 problem only one school in washington has an opening. What happens when Bella finds herself the only girl in the mist of hundreds of boy?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,192 - Reviews: 217 - Favs: 120 - Follows: 232 - Updated: 12/31/2007 - Published: 12/26/2007
Third Tuesday by Likeasunburn reviews
And you think you're uncomfortable around that time of the month? Try being Bella. Oneshot, written for a laugh
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,621 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 344 - Follows: 59 - Published: 5/3/2006 - Complete
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Adoration in Your Eyes reviews
Hey guys! I just wanted to get some feedback on this poem I wrote..it's not for a book or anything just for a special someone. So if you could review and tell me what you think I would appreciate it and if people like it I'll put more up like it :D Review
Misc. Books - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 347 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6/6/2010 - Complete
A New Family, New Friends, and a New Love? reviews
Bella is confident, and has her tomboy side and her regular side. She gets bounced from foster home to foster home after her parents die in a car accident, until she gets adopted by Carlisle and Esme. Full summary inside.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 18,622 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 115 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 3/13/2010 - Published: 6/13/2009 - Bella, Edward
Prank Calls reviews
The girls are having a slumber party over at the boys' while the parents are away. What will they do? Why, prank call people of course! Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,659 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 12/3/2009 - Published: 7/25/2009
That's What She Said! reviews
The gang has a "That's What She Said" holiday at school, getting as many That's What She Said! jokes in as possible. i.e.: "Don't touch that!" "Take your hand out of there!" "Oh not again!" All human, short funny story. Review plz! Disclaimer: No.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,137 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 9 - Published: 10/11/2009
Breaking Away reviews
Bella is a small stuff high school writer, but she's got some not so small problems, including student loans, a persistent stalker, and more. What happens when Edward finds Bella in a bad situation with said stalker in a coffee shop one day?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,541 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 9/28/2009 - Published: 9/12/2009 - Edward, Bella
Bellaboo reviews
Edward reflects on how he left Bella once he's back in Forks. Disclaimer: No.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 259 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/11/2009 - Edward - Complete
Her Death, My Life reviews
Renee dies in childbirth and from the Spanish Influenza, Bella comes out a sick and fragile child. Charlie gets murdered, Bella ends up a sick orphan. She's dying, Carlisle comes and changes her, and she meets Edward, a man with a similar past. HIATUS sry
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 261 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Published: 9/10/2009 - Edward, Bella
My Love For You reviews
A poem about how Edward starts to realize that he loves Bella in Twilight. Give it a chance. Pwease? *puppy dawg eyes* Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 254 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/29/2009 - Edward - Complete
Leaving reviews
A poem about how Edward felt leaving Bella in New Moon. Give it a chance. Pwease? *puppy dawg eyes* Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 255 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/28/2009 - Edward - Complete
My Angel reviews
A poem about how Bella felt in the beginning of Twilight when those guys were chasing her in Port Angeles. Give it a chance, pwease? *puppy dawg eyes* Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 368 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 7/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete