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Author has written 21 stories for Maximum Ride, RuneScape, and Doctor Who.
Hobbies: Reading, writing, gaming, listening to music, obsessing about whatever it is I'm currently obsessed with, collecting quotes, analyzing human behavior, trying to learn how to draw
Pet Peeves: Too many bubbles in my dishwater, unreasonable people, cats who stand in front of my books while I'm reading, dog-earing instead of finding a bookmark, generalizations, people's drama, people with no sense of humor
Favorite Book: Runemarks by Joanne Harris / The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
Favorite Book Series: Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling / Heartstrikers by Rachel Aaron
A Random Note (7/8/15): I've been here for over six years now, which is crazy (but then I thought it was crazy when it was four years so I guess that doesn't mean much), and I've learned a lot about both myself and my writing while I've been part of this community. To be honest, I hate some of my earliest oneshots with the kind of burning passion that should be reserved for murderers and people who talk at the theater, but apparently people liked them. I even occasionally (less so now but still) get a review or favorite on them, which is baffling but flattering. (But then, I am a little bit biased on that front.)
Anyhow, if you'd like to peruse my archive and can find it in you to enjoy anything I've written, then I offer you my eternal gratitude. If you'd like something more substantial than that, I'm willing to send you a greeting card or some cookies, but who really wants to give their address to some stranger on the Internet?
2/28/18: Coming up on nine years now (help I'm getting older)... But does it count if I haven't posted anything in the last three years?
Other Places I Occasionally Frequent*
FictionPress – Kina Kalamari (it's all real old now)
NaNoWriMo – Kalamari47
YouTube – TheSilentStorm (place of infrequent fanvids)
DeviantArt – KinaKalamari
Tumblr – kinakalamari
Archive Of Our Own - KinaKalamari
*This section used to be links but apparently FFN hates those now, so I'm listing my usernames instead. If you want to put in the extra work of searching the sites, feel free to come find me.
My Fic Fandoms
Fics That Really Made Me Chuckle
Ganondorf's Rant by yaphi1 - The Legend of Zelda
My Philosophy on Life
"You just gotta stay happy / So put away that frown / Just remember to smile, smile, smile / And turn the world around."
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind."
"No one gets out alive / Every day is do or die / The one thing you leave behind is / How did you love?"
"We're all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one."
"When you're feeling crazy / And things fall apart / Listen to your head / Remember who you are / You're the one / You're the unbreakable heart."
"Shut up," said Maddy.
"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain."
"Advise your brethren. You can fight, and all of you will die, or you can not fight, in which case only most of you will die."
"We'll never survive."
"Such a strategist was the king that he had a contingecy plan for his contingency plan, and even, if circumstances required, a contingency plan for his contingency plan's contingency plan."
"This is getting ridiculous. The first assassin kills the second assassin sent to kill the first assassin, who didn't assassinate anyone until we hired the second assassin to assassinate her."
"Grimms scare the living daylights out of most wizards."
"This is Berk. It snows nine months out of the year and hails the other three. The food that grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so."
"This is me. I am amazing."
"Maybe I'm going crazy, Damon thought, intrigued. He had never gone crazy before that he could recall, and there was some appeal in the idea."
"You know about this stuff?"
"Doctor, they've got guns."
"Do you trust this man?"
"Okay, need a proper look. Got to draw its fire, give it a target."
"Oh, what’s this then? I love this. A big flashy lighty thing. That’s what brought me here. Big flashy lighty things have got me written all over them. Not actually. Give me time. And a crayon."
"You're really that good?" he said at last.
"I'm not arguing. I'm just offering a relentlessly contrary point of view."
A Selection of Quotes from me, my friends, and my family:
"If I had a dime for every time I saw a monster called Gray Maim the Jagged…"
"Are you okay?"
"Open foot, insert mouth."
"My hand looks really pale next to yours."
"Could you cook it rare or medium rare?"
Alex: -drinking juice pouch- "Have you ever squirted someone in the face with one of these?"
"I feel really random today. I got out of the shower and my first thought was, 'I'm bleeding water'."
"In order to get away with performing in front of an audience with just maracas, you have to be very attractive and partially naked."
Me: "I forgot my sunglasses."
"There was a spider on my arm so then I had a fit and then I died."
"Having your online friends try to stop you from procrastinating is like asking a blind guy to teach you how to read."
"Honk your horn like crazy and see if someone will come beat you up so we can get an ambulance ride home."
"I think I'm a conversation suicide bomber."
Grandpa: "It's older than we are. Alas, no one has offered to preserve us."
"How are your eyes? Really bad or just kind of bad?"
Grandma Helen: -sneezes-
"Your hair is so straight that if you straightened it, it would probably curl."
"Any kid who can't appreciate Lord of the Rings is a dud in my eyes. Give 'em up, try again."
"I am snake people. You may call me sneeple."
"Is this what being an adult is? Fuck... let's break something."
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
"The newscaster is the person who says, 'Good evening,' and then tells you why it's not."
"I reject your reality and substitute my own."
"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning the day difficult."
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
"Always deny the apocalypse, because you'll usually be right, and when you're wrong, there'll be nobody there to say, 'I told you so.'"
"Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit and move on."
A Short Poem
There Was A Man by Dennis Lee
There was a man who never was
All but the last two chapters. Check it out, if you want. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.