Riddle Master 101
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
beta: β Beta Profile
Joined 05-20-09, id: 1941421, Profile Updated: 03-16-15
Author has written 9 stories for Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, X-overs, and Sherlock.

IMPORTANT! esama's back online!!!!!! You can find her stories (including new fics!) on AO3:

or on tumbler:

0o0

March 2015

Hi again everyone!

I am currently (and surprisingly not slowly) going through, editing, and re-posting all of my fics. You may have noticed the slight (minor) changes to ALT already. I am planning on doing them in order.

(Yes, this means that I will eventually get to What Remains. Yes, I'm hoping that this will spark my creative instincts so that I can finally finish that fic)

I now have an account on AO3 (under Riddle_Master_101)! I will be posting my current fics on there (hence the editing process). No worries, as I will simultaneously cross-post everything on here as well!

And on that note:

There is NO sequel to A Lightning's Tale. I'm not (currently) writing anything else in that 'verse, although if someone else would like to continue it that's perfectly fine. Just let me know so I can mention the links on here. My editing process may have sparked some ideas, but nothing that will turn into a sequel.

Mixed up Files might be less over than I though it was. I've discovered some new fandoms that are sparking ideas. Which ones? Check out my bookmarks on AO3.

Yes, yes, yes: What Remains is NOT abandoned. I'm working on it. No inspiration right at this moment, but I have NOT given up on that story. One final chapter left, from Lestrade's POV.

And that’s all for now. Thanks to all those magnificent reviewers!

-Riddle


Age: Time is relative. Lunch time doubly so.

Favorite Book(s): The Lord of the Rings. It has the absolute top spot, no question. The rest is divided into sub-parts:

Fantasy/Sci Fi: The Riddle Master Trilogy (yep, that’s where the penname comes from), The Enchanted Forest Chronicles, The Name of the Wind, Silmarillion, Dune, Good Omens, most of Neil Gaiman’s works (especially the short stories).

Realistic Fiction/Satire: Catch-22, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Catcher in the Rye, The Kite Runner.

The Classics: Siddhartha, Damian, A Tale of Two Cities, The Canterbury Tales, the Works of Shakespeare, Sherlock Holmes.

Favorite TV show(s): ‘Supernatural’, 'Dresden Files', ‘Doctor Who’ (favorite doctor? old = 4th Doctor, new = 10th Doctor), ‘Firefly’, and ‘Sherlock’. Oh, and Shark Week.

Favorite Poet: Wallace Stevens, W.B. Yeats, and Shel Silverstein.

Favorite Characters:

Harry Potter:

Severus Snape (spy, double agent—triple agent?—potions master, sarcastic, and so complex…it took until the last of seven books to figure out whose side he was really on. That’s talent.)

Lucius Malfoy, Voldemort, Rabastan Lestrange (actually, all the Lestranges…and most of the rest of the Death Eaters—my, my, I’ve gone to the dark side. And it’s because they’re dark and creepy, and every story needs really awesome bad guys)

Harry (‘cause for the whole “savior from birth, go kill the Dark Lord” thing, he’s actually surprisingly sane)

Ginny and Hermione (not in romantic relation to anyone, even cannon…Ginny's survived six older brothers. And Hermione? I think one fanfic summed it up nicely: "We might have been killed, or worse, expelled...and then she grows up to be the first person to successfully break into Gringotts and escape on a dragon")

Sirius and Remus (‘cause the world needs innocent ex-convicts and timid werewolves)

Salazar Slytherin…and the rest of the Founders (castle, giant squid, moving staircases, enchanted ceiling, a basilisk—don’t you want these people to found your school?)

Lord of the Rings (the BOOKS, people, not the movies…though as movies go, those weren’t bad):

Legolas and Aragorn (NOT in a romantic way—Aragorn's the mysterious ranger who actually turns out to be a king, and Legolas is an elf with enough self confidence to befriend a dwarf...and then bring said dwarf to the Undying Lands with him)

Eowyn (rides to war pretending to be a guy, succeeds, and then proceeds to kill the Witchking which “no living man” can do...)

Lobelia (ahh, end of the series…hitting the big bullies over the head with her umbrella)

Prince Imrahil (because at least there was someone of intelligence on that battlefield)

The Feanorians (not really LOTR, but what the Hell…Maglor’s my favorite of those guys …hence profile picture).

The Riddlemaster Trilogy:

Deth (yep, he’s awesome. Talk about hiding in plain sight)

Supernatural:

Castiel (he’s an Angel of the Lord, a Soldier of Heaven, and yet...)

Dean and Sam Winchester (because despite the whole “starting the Apocalypse” thing, they’re a better pair of brothers than any two angels in Heaven)

Bobby Singer (yeah, the Panic Room rocks…best idea ever)

Gabriel (despite his many faults, he’s awesome…the Archangel Gabriel, the Messenger of God, Beloved of all three of the monotheistic religions, and he masquerades on Earth as the Trickster Loki? Seriously?!)

Sherlock:

Sherlock Holmes (I don't know if it's the attitude, the quicksilver deductions, or that coat and scarf, but there's something about him...)

DI Lestrade (His go-with-the-flow attitude. Despite everything Sherlock gives him, he still lets the detective on the case...and occasionally raids his flat for case evidence under the pretext of a drug bust.)

Avengers:

Loki, Clint Barton (Hawkeye), and Agent Coulson.

Within the first 5 minutes of the movie, my first favorite possessed my second favorite...and half way through, my first favorite killed my third favorite...damnit!

Update: "Agents of SHIELD" comes out on September 24th...Coulson's BACK!!!!!!! (and alive!)

Stories:

A Lightning's Tale—Harry's first year...as a Slytherin. Trolls and dragons and snakes, oh my! Needless to say, Harry is not bored. Now Complete! (Now edited in the "Great Edit of March 2015")

The Most Unkindest Cut of All—a Severus betrays Voldemort fic. I've had this idea bouncing around in my mind for a while and I had to get it out on paper (well, Word, but you get the idea).

Five Separate Times—the humorous (believe it or not) prequel to The Most Unkindest Cut. Chronicles the devastating and oft-times bewildering/humiliating/highly entertaining explosions epidemic that occurs once Severus begins to teach at Hogwarts, thus leaving the position of "Death Eater Potions Master" open for...applicants. The Dark Lord? Is NOT impressed with the candidates. And the Death Eaters? Are very, very glad that a certain (usually) blond individual is in charge of this circus. Poor, poor Lucius...

What Remains, However Improbable—Harry (and baby Teddy) move to Baker Street following the war. Sherlock is interested...very interested. Mycroft is not amused, runs mass conspiracies, and wishes that Potter was more easily intimidated. And John? Well, when one lives with Sherlock Holmes, one deals with things that are very bizarre. The existence of magic isn't that out of the realm of weirdness that he's encountered recently. Just ask him about what happened in Cardiff...

End Game—a Sherlock fic. Takes place directly after "The Great Game". DI Lestrade arrives on the scene of the explosion, and both does and does not find what he feared. Told stream of consciousness style.

Whiskers on Kittens—another Sherlock fic. Sometimes, calling Sherlock to crime scenes is really not worth the hassle, drama, and general bizarreness that it brings.

Christmas Cheer—Who will compromise more with regard to Christmas decorations? John or Sherlock?

Yuletide CarolsLOTR Christmas song parodies, and what got me interested in posting online. Keep in mind that these songs are darkly humorous, and that I vastly prefer writing from the evil people's side of things in humor—there's just so much potential.

From the Mixed Up Files of Riddle Master's Muse—short stories and drabbles, unrelated unless stated otherwise. Various ideas, scenes, conversations, and character studies which won't make themselves into real stories. Fandoms at the moment: Harry Potter, Supernatural, Merlin, and Lord of the Rings. The title comes from that book most US elementary school students have to read: From the Mixed up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. You know, the one where they live in the Metropolitan Museum of Art for about a week?

0o0

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they “want fries with that”.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In".

5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Smuggling Drugs".

7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. dont use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the Economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

0o0

...If you don't hear the Fairy Reel,

they will not pause to steal your breath.

When I was young I was a fool.

So wrap me up in dreams and death.

Neil Gaiman

0o0

The Most Important Thing to Remember...

"...when writing a 'fic you must keep in mind that what people really want to read, and what is most worthwhile to write, is the struggle. All the hard times, all the bad days, all the grinding work, all the nasty weather, all the emotion. You can't just rattle off a list of things that happened. We want to see them happening! We want to feel the pain and the joy and the pride and the disappointment. Take the gray seas and snow-covered pines and fluttering auroras burning in the darkness behind your eyes and convert them into text!"

-Keleri

0o0

Quotes…from a very wide range of sources:

Quotes about Life:

"I reject your reality and substitute my own." - Jamie from Mythbusters

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you - Unknown

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move - Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe - Babylon 5: A Late Delivery from Avalon

Life is like a movie. If you are sad: drama. If you are afraid: suspense. If you are angry: action. When you look in the mirror: horror. Now you are smiling: that's comedy

Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run away—he hates that.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ... oooh the possibilities!

I don't know what it's like to be God — obviously …until that very first moment when you get to sit down and type the words in your script: INTERIOR. TARDIS. … Suddenly I got a very good idea of what it must feel like - Neil Gaiman

"Whenever you go into a new situation, you must always believe the best until you find out exactly what the situation's all about. Then, believe the worst."

"Ah, but what happens if it turns out not to be the worst after all?"

"Don't be ridiculous; it always is." The 4th Doctor to Romana

Another month ends. All targets met. All systems working. All customers satisfied. All staff eagerly enthusiastic. All pigs fed and ready to fly. - Memos from Q-Branch, by AviaCarter (AO3 fanfic).

Quotes about people:

“Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls” – profile of: I.bashed.Voldie’s.head

"Luke... I am your second uncle, twice removed," – from: Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Just because your paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

No I WONT go to hell! They have a restraining order against me – profile of: Death’s Favourite Child

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.

Three wise women would have stopped to ask for directions, got to the stable on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, cooked the dinner, and then there would have been peace on earth.

"This is the crack team that foils my every plot! I am deeply shamed." - Spike

"Is there any tea on this spaceship?” Arthur Dent, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The single most important question which must be asked by any British person when abducted by aliens.

Quotes about…Food?:

If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

"I believe if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party." - Ron White

Come over to the dark side…we've got cookies!

Quotes about Intellect:

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.

I’m having Déjà vu and amnesia at the same time: I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Intelligence is realizing that it is a one-way street. Wisdom is looking both directions anyway.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Sarchasm—the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

Love is like pi...natural, irrational, and very important - The Challenge, a Numb3rs fic

Here's a discussion for you: why do we remember the past, and not the future? - Numb3rs, a Larry Fleinhardt quote

"The best kind of writing, and the biggest thrill in writing, is to suddenly read a line from your typewriter that you didn't know was in you." - Larry L. King

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

Hold on... train of thought just hit a car

Knowledge = Power = Energy = Matter = Mass. The L-Space equation by Terry Pratchett, which explains why really old fashioned second hand bookshops are bigger on the inside. They distort the fabric of space-time.

Quotes of the Random nature:

This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force!

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action - Sign shown in a non-smoking zone

Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Warning: Survivors will be shot again.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I have to admit, I've learned more vocabulary from Snape fics than from 13 years of public schooling.

I am incapable of hating someone who, instead of using a spell to guard the Sorcerer's Stone, uses a logic puzzle. -Tsurai Shi 's profile

The pen may be mightier, but the sword still hurts like hell.

Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors – profile of: Heart Torn Out

When nothing goes right, go left

I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.

And then Buffy staked Edward. The end.

When I was your age, Pluto was a planet.

The Noodle Prayer: “Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the onion, and the bay leaves, forever and ever. R'Amen.”

Sam: So burning the body had no effect on that thing?
Dean: Sure it did. Now it’s really pissed - Supernatural

Forget knights in shining armor, princes, or even vampires. Me, I want a Jedi!

I'm waiting for my TARDIS to come...

Dear Santa, I can explain...

A: Alright then, do you have a plan of escape?.
B: Run.
A: Anything more detailed??
B: Run quickly.

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it." -Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Life is a disease: sexually transmitted and invariably fatal." -Neil Gaiman

"Allons-y, Alonso!" – 10th Doctor, Doctor Who

"Box falls out of sky, man falls out of box, man eats fish custard and look at you! Just sitting there! So do you know what I think? That must be a hell of a scary crack in your wall." – 11th Doctor, Doctor Who

“Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
"We live in a spaceship, dear." - Wash and Zoe, Firefly

Sherlock: You're a doctor. Actually, an army doctor.
John: Yes.
Sherlock: Any good?
John: Very good.
Sherlock: Seen a lot of injuries then. Violent deaths.

John: Well, yes.
Sherlock: Bit of trouble too, I bet.
John: Of course, yes. Enough for a lifetime. Far too much.
Sherlock: Want to see some more?
John: oh, God, yes. – Sherlock

Lestrade: Isn’t that the phone from a Study in Pink?
Sherlock: Obviously not, but someone wants – a Study in Pink? You read his blog?
Lestrade: Course I do. We all do. Do you really not know that the earth goes around the sun? - Sherlock

"Stop it! We can't giggle, we’re at a crime scene." - John Watson, Sherlock

John: A severed head!
Sherlock: Just tea for me, thanks - Sherlock

A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - Herm Albright

Arthur: I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth.
Merlin: Wow. And how long have you been training to be a prat?
Arthur: You can't address me like that.
Merlin: Sorry. How long have you been training to be a prat... my lord? - Merlin

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Tomorrow may be hell, but today was a good writing day, and on the good writing days nothing else matters - Neil Gaiman

I survived Y2K, 9/11, mad cow disease, bird flu, and swine flu. 2012, bring it on.

And...Quotes from Fan Fics:

Q: "Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and the purpose of your visit," the cheery witch's voice announced to the six wizards tightly packed into the red telephone box.

"Death Eaters," Lucius said with a hint of amusement. "We're here to kill you." Dolohov had the audacity to smack him on the arm. The amusement in his voice vanished with a shocked exclamation of, "Ow! What was that for, you idiot?"

"They're never gonna let us in now!" the man replied as if it were obvious.

"O' ye of little faith," Lucius smirked at him. "I think I know the Ministry a bit better than you."

Sure enough, to the surprise of everyone except Lucius, the voice thanked them, wished them a good day and a silver badge dropped down. Dolohov picked it up in wonder and read it aloud. "Death Eaters. Reason for visit: Homicide." He blinked at Lucius from behind his mask. "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle." - Curse of Fate by Madam Nika

Q: The scarred man smirked before looking at the occupants in the bed, “Hello, law abiding citizens,” his gaze shifted to the three Uchihas, “Marginally law abiding citizens,” and then his eyes fell on Kisame, “… citizen.” - The Demilitarized Zone by michelerene

Q: Spock isn't going to do anything awesome and then think to himself how kick-ass he is. He's Vulcan, after all. If he found the cure for all diseases, he'd just be kind of like, "It was a logical conclusion based on the information at hand" and the "eat it, bitches" would be communicated through eyebrows alone. - Atlas, authors note

Q: "Enemy ninjas are not required to fill out any bureaucratic forms before they kill you. We are admittedly quite impressed that you managed to convince them of this, though." - Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do by H.E.Gray

Q: …the headmaster admitted that he found the whole event quite amusing as it finally answered his long time question of whether there was anyone or anything too daunting for Severus when he was in full rant. Apparently, discovering Severus ranting full out at a two thousand year old basilisk was what it took to convince Dumbledore that no one was immune from Professor Snape's wrath when the mood took hold - The Tiniest Wish, Brennkinn

Q: "Expecto Patronum!"

He [Harry] hadn't really expected anything but, if asked, he would have said that a shiny stag should have appeared and driven the dementors away.

Instead, he produced a huge (though correctly shiny) shape of basilisk that began to work its way through the sea of the black-robed creatures, destroying them with the power of its sight. It casually grabbed one dementor into its jaws and munched on it, while looking left and right and apparently destroying an entire species.

"Light wizard, right…" Tom remarked, while Harry was trying to figuratively collect his jaw from the ground. "You, Mr Potter, are a freak of nature."

When the last dementor in sight was reduced to a heap of bones, ugly greenish skin and black rags, and the glowing king of snakes disappeared from view, searching for other prey, Harry finally found his voice.

"Tell me about it." - Visionary, by BC

Q: Charlie is still glaring, but Don moves on easily because he knows it bugs his brother to leave an argument unfinished. "There was an explosion in the Physics department at CalSci."

Their dad nods. "I heard that much on the news."

"Yeah, something explodes a couple doors down and Charlie's still in Larry's office worrying about his chalkboards." He smirks at his brother and Charlie spreads his hands, incredulous.

"They were important equations! Larry and I spent all morning working on that hypothesis!"

Dad gives him a look. "It's times like these I'm grateful you're not more involved in your brother's work. You know, most people hear an explosion and they exit the building."

"It's the physics department!" Charlie protests, waving his fork. "There are explosions all the time!"

Another look from their father. "That is not exactly reassuring."

Charlie gestures at Don and Don realizes as he's opening his mouth that he's about to get his turn in the hot seat. "At least I'm not like Don, walking around with a huge hunk of metal in my leg!"

Their father nods. "This is true."

"I was only walking because I had to find you and make sure you weren't doing exactly what you were doing—not leaving the building." - Improbably, but Not Impossible, by MusicalLuna1

Q: "Anything after my fall is news to me...I am not even supposed to interfere with Heavenly matters. I'm on vacation."

"Being human is you using your vacation time?"

"Yes, it is a very short one at best. You humans have a life expectancy of eighty years. In an angelic frame of time it is like spending a few minutes away from home. It is barely a blink of an eye as far as billion year old angels are concerned."

Dean gaped at him, "You're like a billion?"

"That surprises you?"

"You never put a number to your age. If you're that old, why the Hell did you listen to me?"

"Because you are very loud and hard to ignore."

With a smirk, Castiel got into the Impala before Dean could respond. - Like Father, Like Son, by Kittyalex.

Q: "Sam, please." Dean glared indignantly. "I find the term 'lovebirds' to be offensive. We prefer to be called 'sex-falcons'." - A Hand, by thecouchcarrot

Q: "Angel 101...They're overly literal, have no concept of personal space and one should never ever try to have a drinking contest with any of them" - Ashes and Diamonds, by Scyllaya

Q: Dean's eyes shifted back and forth between his brother and the angel. "Did I miss something?"

"No. Not really," Sam replied with a shrug.

Castiel frowned. "Except for the demons."

"Right." Sam nodded. "The demons. And the ritual."

"And the six hellhounds."

"Almost getting mauled to death."

"Becoming trapped."

"Almost getting mauled to death again."

"Our slow getaway."

"And a narrow escape from a final fatal mauling," Sam finished grinning at his brother.

Castiel's expression remained completely blank but there was something twinkling in his eyes.

Gripping tightly to the steering wheel, Dean declared, "That's it. I'm never leaving the two of you alone ever again." - Amid Adversity, by Daylight

Q: Tom smiled at unsubtle reminder. "Any advice you can give me based on your original world?"

Harry and Sirius looked at each other.

Sirius answered first. "If you gotta kill a baby, always use the killing curse."

Harry grinned. "If you're unsure, it's safe to assume it's a one-time one-way portkey."

"The worst thing you can do," Sirius insisted, "is to overestimate your opponent. Trust me. They're always untalented and unlucky. And alone."

"Matching tattoos to easily identify your followers are a must."

"It never hurts to reveal all your plans and leave your opponents in a complicated death trap. It's safe to assume it worked. No need to stay and watch."

"If you ever meet a snake named Nagini, just run the other way."

Tom looked at Regulus. "They're mocking me, aren't they?"

"Picked up on that, did you?" Regulus grinned back. - A Black Comedy, by nonjon

Q: "What's up, Sam?" Gabriel asked, appearing next to Sam.

"Take me somewhere!" Sam ordered. "I don't care where-" Gabriel grinned and held up his fingers to snap. "As long as it doesn't involve crocodiles-" Gabriel's smile dropped, "pink flamingoes, haunted houses, fake ghosts, bakeries, sweet food, artery killing food, mountains, clouds, walking on water-"

"Sam," Gabriel interrupted. "You're killing all my fun. I won't even take you to the circus at this point. Just tell me where you want to go."

"The circus!" Sam said, frustrated.

"Sam, wait-" John said before they disappeared. With a huff, he turned towards Bobby. "Is Sam still afraid of clowns?"

"Ask Dean," Bobby shrugged. "Hey, Gabriel, make sure you feed him this time!" - Son In Law, by kaitouahiru

Q: "You know that the things that come out of Dean's mouth are to be taken at a fifth degree at the best of times, don't you?" Sam asked as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He then paused and ran a hand through his hair. "No, of course you don't. You don't know what a degree is," he mumbled to himself.

He was rewarded with the Angel's best offended slash confused slash know-it-all slash holier-than-thou look. "It is a unit of measurement, generally referring to temperature." There was a pregnant pause during which Sam tried his best not to laugh. "Though I was not aware that Humans could speak in a graduation of degrees," he conceded, and he looked truly fascinated by the prospect. - Ask Me, by Renn

Q: With that, Flitwick and Dumbledore changed the subject of their conversation to class schedules. Once again Potions was getting the Gryffindor/Slytherin and Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff pairings that had oddly enough been determined over several decades of trial and error to be the least explosive despite Gryffindor and Slytherin's intense rivalry. Nobody wanted a repeat of the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw class that had resulted in Potions being moved to a heavily warded section of the dungeons after an experiment gone awry blew out one of the castle walls. Brains and Bravery made for a very dangerous combination. - Harry Potter and the Useless Rock, by Lucillia

Q: "I think Dumbledore moved it when Quirrell went missing," [Voldemort] shrugged his shoulders. "Not that I particularly care. The stone is fake in any case."

"It is?" [Harry] asked, frowning.

[Voldemort] waved his hand. "I met the Flamels later on, sometime after they supposedly died of old age," he said with rather annoyed look about his face. "There's a couple of old codgers you don't want to under estimate."

"They cursed you, didn't they?" [Harry] asked, amused.

"I'm not sure, exactly," [Voldemort] said, frowning at the memory. "It was rather strange. I woke up in muggle coma ward four weeks before I went to meet them. After I managed to regrow my legs, I figured it was probably best to leave them alone." - Best laid plans, by esama

Q: "You mentioned a sword?"

Merlin's teeth flashed firelight in the darkness as he smiled.

"Not just any sword," he replied, tugging Arthur's arm a little. "Excalibur, the finest sword ever made, bathed in dragon's breath and to be wielded exclusively by Arthur Pendragon himself."

As Arthur made to question the existence of such a sword, Merlin added, "Well, almost exclusively. We had a few hiccups along the line." - to the world that never let you be, by Imperial Mint

Q: "I only ask, John, because I was hoping to get your help with something later on," Mrs Hudson took the flying ears in stride, something that the landlady of Sherlock Holmes would have to do, "I'm doing a little home improvement and I need someone with reach who is handy with a screwdriver. I'd ask Sherlock, but after the last time... you remember dear, we had no power or water for a week, and I'm still not sure how he did it. It took three electricians, two plumbers and a plasterer to put it all right again." - Disfunctional Antifunctional and ExFunctional, by grannysknitting

Q: [Merlin and Morgana confrontation, Merlin speaking]

"You mistook me all that time for a servant, and now still when you have bought me here, destroyed all I have ever had and declared yourself a winner, now still you think me just some small one trick conjurer."

Slowly he paced forward, eyes dark and clouded over by fury as he stalked closer. The familiarity of his plain clothes mocked the now cold powerful man that stood before her. Morgana saw the fury in those eyes coming for her and stepped back.

"Lady Morgana daughter of Uther, I am Lord Merlin Emrys last of the dragon lords and the prophesized protector of the Once and Future King. I am the most powerful Warlock that ever or will ever live and my one goal, the one thing that I will work for till the day I die is to make sure Arthur becomes the Greatest King the likes of which this world has never seen before. " - Her Weakness, His Advantage, by SummerQuill

Q: "I'll keep that in mind for the next time you go and get yourself killed," Merlin muttered darkly, but for the first time since the conversation started Arthur thought he saw the smallest hint of a smile.

"Merlin," Arthur said.

"How about this," Merlin said, "You don't die, and I won't rip down castles. Deal?"

"Deal."

It was quiet again. Then, Merlin said, "Did I really tear down the whole thing?"

"Yes," Arthur answered, "You don't remember?"

Merlin shook his head, "I just wanted Drake," he said, "I, uh, I just wanted everything that was in my way out of it."

"Oh," Arthur said, and considered the repercussions of loyalty strong enough to literally shake a fortress to its knees. Finding no clear cut response, said, "Just…don't do anything like that again."

"Fine."

(They both knew that he was lying.) - Exaggerations and Overreactions, by Ultra-Geek

Q: This was accompanied by the assertion that you couldn't run away from everything, although he still holds that it's a valid theory because even if you can't outrun whatever you're running away from, it will still be very tired by the time it catches up, assuming you're doing it right. And meanwhile, while it had been catching up, you'd probably found something useful to make it go away. - Fortunes and War, by Le'letha

Q: Fair's fair…at least, as fair as things get when you're dealing with the Doctor. He tends to win. Because he doesn't tell anyone else the rules, and then cheats. - Snipe Hunt, by Le'letha

Q: "Think about it, Doctor! That's why no-one's seen it or heard of it since it's been stolen - because you are about to have gone back in time to bring it straight here, from this afternoon to now - so it's physically nowhere for the twelve hours that we've been looking for it! Don't you see?" [Sherlock]

The Doctor looked from the man's paler face to the decking. "Well cover me in flour and eggs and bake me for twenty minutes," he marvelled. "I think you're right." Then he frowned. "But that would mean if I don't steal it now, none of this will have happened - it won't have gone missing twelve hours ago-"

"-And the alien will have it and cause havoc," Sherlock interrupted. "But it will happen because it already has!" he urged. "It's already been stolen because you haven't not yet already will steal it! You see!"

"It's so refreshing to talk to someone who understands time," [the Doctor] said to himself with a daffy grin. - The Adventures of the Missing Candlestick, by Mardy Lass

Q: "Potions on your first day, and the first thing in the morning no less." Cedric Diggory leaned on Harry's shoulder to peek at his timetable, shaking his head in mock sympathy. "I tell you. You guys are doomed."

Stebbins smacked him upside the head. "Stop terrifying the first years! Professor Snape is the Head of Slytherin House, naturally he will favor his house members. He might not be the nicest person, but as long as you are not in Gryffindor, he is all bark and no bite."

Cedric snorted loudly.

Stebbins ignored him. "Just remember. Don't protest when he docks house points for no reason."

"We don't care about house points anyway." Cedric explained.

"NEVER ask question in class." Stebbins said firmly. "He will only dock points."

"NEVER ask question after class." Cedric added. "He will dock even more points for asking foolish questions."

"Get teary-eyed if he's gone too far." Stebbins suggested to the girls.

"Don't actually cry in his presence." Cedric warned them. "He hates sobbing kids."

"Be grateful that you have Potions with Ravenclaw. Gryffindors have double potions with Slytherins on Friday mornings. " Stebbins concluded with a comforting smile, which sadly only unsettled them further. "Honestly, I know some of the professors seem a bit weird, but they are generally good and normal people."

The first years turned to the high table at the same time, just in time to see Quirrell staggering in the Great Hall, extremely pale like a chalk, swaying as if the purple turban on his head was too heavy to walk a straight line, and shrieked in terror when he realized the only vacant seat was the one next to Professor Snape.

So much for normality. - One Plus One Equals One, by nova-carta

Q: Gwaine hummed, and readjusted his position, wincing. "There's a thing," he said, "If Merlin is Emrys and Arthur wanted Emrys found, why were you two larking about in the forest?"

"To talk to a dragon, apparently," Lancelot said. Gwaine just stared at him, and the other knight shrugged again, and added, "I don't know, I got sent away before that part."

"Merlin gets to have all the fun," Gwaine grumbled. - The Next Seven Days, by Ultra-Geek

Q: "Gabriel's alive?"

...Crowley actually seemed marginally surprised as well, although that surprise was heavily outweighed by his amusement by, apparently, life in general.

"You can't tell me you're truly surprised Winchester. You may have missed it, but those who sacrificed themselves for your little cause had about a 70% chance of being resurrected. I challenge anyone who says God doesn't play favourites to look at you idiots and not change their mind."

...[Gabriel] "So what'd you call me for Sammy-boy? It sounded important."

Sam's gaze immediately darkened and he glanced at his feet where his brother lay, somehow unnoticed by Gabriel. Said Archangel took one look before letting loose a string of vitriol (some of which was in languages that Tony was certain didn't exist anymore) that made even Crowley's eyebrows touch his hairline in surprise, his mouth twisted in reluctant admiration.

"I leave you two alone for one year after the Apocalypse and already one of you is dead! For the love of Dad, how did you two even make it to adulthood?" - Of Hunters and Agents, by night flame miko

Q: "How's that invisibility shield you've been working on coming along? The one that the Brigadier ordered you to stop wasting resources on?"

"Sergeant, I'm surprised," the Doctor said, theatrically putting his hand over his left heart. "Like you just said, the Brigadier told me to stop working on it."

Benton didn't even blink. He simply stood there, staring expectantly at the Doctor.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "It's going fairly well," he said slowly. "It works for fives minutes or so before it . . . explodes is a strong word. Give me a second, and I'm sure I'll be able to think of one that fits better."

"No, that's fine," Benton said, holding up his hand. "I think that explodes probably describes it fairly well." - You Can't Teach an Old Time Lord New Tricks, by Settiai

Q: "That's it," Alec hissed, leaning his face close, "I'm topping tonight." - Alec Lightwood in a fanfiction on Devient Art called, "Maglec: Midnight Conversations"

Q: Cloud mused and then stood up. "I think I'll go an ask him; I need a break and I want to see the rest of the building anyway – no, Tseng, I don't want you to come along with me, you're intimidating and scare everyone away and I want to talk to people. Vincent's more than enough."

"Intimidating?" Tseng asked, almost sounding indignant.

"Obvious Turk," Vincent commented, from the lofty position of someone who looked a vampire escaped from a theatrical play. - Company, by esama

Q: They descended the spiral staircase, Zack leading the way and Cloud watching their rear. "So," Zack joked, "In little, backwoods Nibelheim there's a 'secret entrance' to a 'secret passage' that leads to a 'secret cave' that holds a 'secret lab' – and everyone in the village knows about it?"

"That's about it. There are no secrets in a small town, didn't you know?" - Making it Work, by Etrixan

Q: Mitchell had apparently had enough. "Annie, if he's really Loki, he's a Scandinavian trickster god."

"He's a what?"

George pitched in again. "We've been trying to fit into the neighbourhood, and you've got the Norse God of Mischief sitting in the front room eating a ham sandwich!"

Ah. So that was what this was. Loki cast an appreciative look at the foodstuff he was holding. -- Monsters: A Thor and Being Human crossover, by ConeycatJr

Q: Snarling, Kurt threw down his schoolwork and got up, stomping to the door and opening it just in time to see the twins screeching loudly down the hall with that chilling laughter, in highly detailed Joker costumes (one was the animated, one was the Dark Knight version). Wes and David were chasing after them as Batman and Nightwing respectively, pitching cranberry-juice loaded balloons with the respective insignias scrawled on them.

Kurt didn't even want to ask what was going on. Raising his voice to an angle calculated for distance, he yelled, "If you guys don't pipe down for at least the next two hours, so help me, I'm going to give all the cookies to Stuart House!"

Instant silence.

With a satisfied smile, Kurt slammed his door shut and returned to his school work. - Dalton, by CP Coulter

Q: "So they ask everyone who comes up with a song suggestion to basically have the entire number worked out in a week without actually trying it out as a group?"

"Think of it as a challenge boys." Blaine laughed. "And if you pull this off, the Council really won't have any reason to not consider any future suggestions from either of you."

"If? If we pull this off?" Kurt huffed. "We were not worried about if we could pull this off. We were only concerned about how to properly express our vision within the time constraints. Right Matthew?"

"Exactly." Matt nodded. "After pulling an entire set list for Sectionals together in an hour in the green room, a week seems like a luxury. It will just be hard when we can't call up the Cheerios to fill in where we need it."

"Wouldn't that just make life easier?" Kurt sighed.

"Wait. You pulled together a Sectionals set list in an hour?" Blaine asked incredulous. "An hour?"

"That's nothing." Matt laughed as he patted Blaine on the back. "The set list we had to replace? We only worked on it for a week." - The Genius of Water, by AdamPascalFan

Q: "SHHHH" Harry hissed. "We're next to a secret hide out."

"Whose secret hide out?" Hermione asked.

"I can't tell you. It's a secret and it's protected by a Fidelius charm. But this is the graveyard where Voldemort was resurrected, and Death Eaters have disappeared walking towards the top of that hill. You can probably make your own conclusions." - Harry Potter and the Evil Summer Vacation, by Meteoricshipyards

Q: It's somewhere beyond a stupid idea. Actually, it's almost a good one, having gone so far past stupid that it's approaching genius from the other side. - Lacewings and Boomslang, by Evandar

Q: (Author's Note): This came about when I said that the medical staff at St Bart's would have been able to save Sherlock and my friend replied – "No, Molly is God."

Of course, my first thought was immediately "Someone should tell Castiel that God's masquerading as a medical examiner in London." And this fic was born. XD - Revelations, by demon sloth

Q: ...Maito Gai, preaching to a group of kids who were like twelve years old. Is that a genin team? Froggy has a genin team? …Those poor, poor kids.

The blonde had to giggle when the group grew close enough that he could recognise Hyuuga Neji as the boy Gai was preaching to. And there was a disturbing creation right next to the Green Beast that looked… well… like a clone henged small.

"Froggy-san," Naruto said reflexively as the group reached him, jumping down to the forbidden ground outside the boundary of the Academy fence. As per his father's dire warnings, he was instantly assaulted.

"Do not insult the Honourable Gai-sensei in that manner!" Naruto stared in horror at the smaller (though still plenty big – like, two or three years older than him big) green thing that was now shouting at him, arms flailing wildly. His mouth dropped open, and the filter in his mind crashed, so words tumbled out before he'd even processed them himself.

"Dear Lord, it's multiplying."

There was a pause as the words registered, and in the background Naruto saw Neji smirk in a way that indicated that had he been anyone but a Jaded Hyuuga, he would be rolling on the ground laughing right now.

Gai didn't seem to notice what Naruto had said – that, or he was used to random sentences like that and just accepted them for part of who The Son of Rival Kakashi was. "No, Lee!" he cried. "This is my Good Friend, the Son of my Most Worthy Adversary, to you known as Kakashi-sensei! His manner of addressing me is affectionate, dating back to a time when he was Very Small."

Lee was now crying. "Forgive me, Great and Noble Friend of the Terrific Gai-sensei," he wailed.

The whole situation was surreal. It seemed to be Naruto's turn to say something, but he stalled. "Um," he said. "…I didn't know you had a son, Froggy – I, um, mean, er… Gai-san?"

There was a pause. Hyuuga smirked more, his shoulders actually shaking slightly from the effort of maintaining his aloof persona.

"Ah, no, my Dear Child!" Gai announced to the world. "I Wish it were so, but Lee is not my son! He is my Most Excellent Disciple!"

"I am Honoured that you think me worthy of such a position, Gai-sensei!" Lee announced right back. "And You," here he turned to Naruto, who took a reflexive step backwards. "I am Humbled and Overwhelmed with Joy that you find me Similar enough to my Glorious Teacher that you mistook me for his Blessed Offspring."

"You mean this is contagious?" There it was again, his mouth just blurted out something without warning him first. The girl that Naruto had only vaguely registered until now began to giggle. Neji put a hand over his mouth and his shoulders began to twitch. - Unplanned Paternity, by TwinTrouble

Q: "Concussion," Sally declared across the room, snapping off the Penlight of Doom.

"I do not," Wufei declared, dark eyes stubborn. Fingers clenched on his chair arms, knuckles white.

"Chang," Heero said, warning.

"A glancing blow," the Dragon said sharply. "I've had them before. We all have. I will not be confined here while we have yet to track the Reaver to its source-"

"Wufei." Trowa's voice was quiet as he sat on Quatre's bed, Hrere purring by his side. "If you were piloting Shenlong between L4's secondary port and the main Moon Base, eluding a tel'tac equipped with Macha's advanced stealth detection, power down to seventy-five percent, life support at fifty, and a flutter in your secondary reactor couplings, what would be your trajectory?"

"Ah." Dark eyes lost focus. "A moment…."

"Concussion," the conscious half of Wing Zero concluded. - Upon a Fiery Steed, by Vathara

Q: The shuttle landing was rough. Shuttle landings were always rough. Pilots were either war veterans who flew like there were Gundams on their tail or kids straight out of school who flew like they'd never had a Gundam on their tail. The list of people who could fly like Duo could fly, fly like they were in a Gundam on someone's tail, well, it was a short one. - Saint Quatre's Home for Retired Gundam Pilots, by lithle

Q: Haruki looked up once more as he finished, studying his audience for a reaction. Most looked a little stunned at the summary of Killer B's abilities, but surprisingly, it was Kakashi who spoke first.

"So basically," Kakashi said in an oddly neutral voice. "This Killer B, with his rap and- and lyrics and whatever else he's got, is the Maito Gai of Kumogakure."

It wasn't a question but Haruki contemplated it for a moment before nodding somewhat cautiously. He supposed, in terms of, well, eccentricities, that was true. "Er, I guess so, yeah."

"I see," Kakashi raised one hand, deadpanning, "I don't care who she is; I vote for the woman."

This set off an immediate chain reaction. Beside him, both Asuma and Kurenai raised their hands as well and chorused, "Seconded!"

"Us too!" Yuugao, Hayate, Kotetsu, Izumo, Anko, Raidou, and Hana's hands all shot up.

There was a distinct pause as everyone blinked. Gai looked mildly offended.

"I think Killer B-san is extremely youthful," He announced, much to the visible annoyance of Kakashi. "I would not mind such youthfulness in Konoha!"

"You wouldn't," Kurenai sighed. - The Lives Worth Saving, by cywsaphyre

Q: "Sir, I've tried everything. I called his name, I asked him to come out, I told him to come out, I tried bribing him with snacks, I promised things. I even tried to just go get him myself, but the male keeps attacking me. I'm now considering luring him out with some of his favorite foods."

Fury curled his lip at Steve. "Have you tried this?" He asked drily, then turned towards the habitat again. "LOKI! SAY BYE TO THE TIGERS AND GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! WE'RE LEAVING!"

And, will surprises never cease, it god damned worked. - A Man Like Many Before, by madwriter223

Q: "I vote we dye his hair pink, next chance we get," Naruto mutters, studying Kakashi's silver hair balefully. "It should hold dye really well. Especially the permanent kind."

For once, Sasuke finds himself entirely in agreement, and even Sakura looks tempted.

"Hot pink," Sasuke confirms lowly.

Sakura looks back and forth between them for a moment, clearly torn, and then casts a look at the clock on the wall. (Sasuke hasn't been able to bring himself to check it yet; some things are better left a mystery.) At the sight of it, her expression firms, and she adds viciously, "With sparkles."

They shake on it solemnly. - backslide, by black.k.kat

Q: Bond raises his eyebrows and holsters the gun, heading towards the only room with a light on – the hallways are lit by emergency red lights. It’s in the last hallway he checks. Isn’t it always?

He pushes open the door to find Q levelling a gun at his head with one hand, typing with the other. He looks up and puts down the gun, seeing that it’s Bond.

“Oh good,” Q says. “Here I was beginning to think I would starve to death before you showed up.”

Bond stares at him. There are two men tied up against the wall, and four more lying on the floor, bleeding and hogtied with duct tape.

“I ran out of rope after the first two,” Q admits, following his line of sight.

Bond is still working on reconciling the posh accent, the old-man cardigan – typical – and the laptop with the fact that there are six large men injured or dead on the floor. “Good job,” he finally says. - it was dark when i found you, by whimsicalimages (on AO3)

Q: “And I like Hot Guy from the Avengers,” she continues, “with the arrows”, and Derek bobbles a mug and only saves it from smashing through the application of freaky werewolf reflexes.

Ellie doesn’t seem to notice, though she could hardly miss the glare Stiles gets when he nods sagely and says, “Uh, you maybe mean Hawkeye?” He’s fairly certain from the way she said it that Ellie has no idea what she’s implying. He’s heard his young cousins do the same thing, parroting stuff they’ve heard from the older kids at school. But it’s totally worth it to see the horrified look Derek and Argent are currently sharing.

“No, I’m pretty sure he’s called Hot Guy,” she says, and Stiles shrugs.

“If he’s not, he probably should be.” Because, well- Jeremy Renner... hnnnh.

That’s when Allison breaks, whooping and snorting into her hand and it startles Ellie into a giggle that’s about the most beautiful fucking sound Stiles has ever heard. He glances sideways and watches Derek stare helplessly at his daughter, knuckles white on the coffee mug. - howling and half hid, by unpossible (on AO3)


0o0

V for Vendetta:

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.

V's alliterative introductory monologue upon meeting Evey

0o0

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all lightbulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

Tribble Master's profile

0o0

"There is an art – or rather a knack – to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Pick a nice day and try it.

The first part is easy; all it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt. That is, it's going to hurt, if you fail to miss the ground.

Most people fail to miss the ground and if they're really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard. Clearly it's the second point – the missing – which presents with the difficulties.

One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally; it's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're half way there, so that you're no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it. It is notoriously difficult to pry your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal – hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.

Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point, because they're unlikely to say anything helpful. They are most likely to say something along the lines of 'good God you can't possibly be flying'. It is vitally important not to believe them, or they will suddenly be right.

If however you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment (by say: a gorgeous pair of legs, tentacles, pseudopodia according to phylum and/or personal inclination) you will miss the ground completely.

Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the tree tops breathing regularly.

Do not wave at anybody.

When you've done this a few times you'll find the moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve." - Douglas Adams [Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Tertiary Phase]

0o0

Story summaries are hard to write. Very hard. Only 384 characters (and it used to be less) to properly express your multi-page monstrosities. Some people are very good at writing them, and some people just can't (and some waste all 384 characters apologizing for not being able to write summaries...which rather misses the point). And then there are the are those summaries which, no matter much you don't want to read another story, no matter how late it is, no matter that you have to get up tomorrow at 6am for school or work, there are some that are impossible to resist.

Here, in no particular order, are the best story summaries that I have found on FF.net. The stories are good too (don't get me wrong, the stories are great), but it's the summary that I remember about them.

S: "We can't help it, you two are entertaining. It's like watching reality TV, but far more intelligent and with more sexual repression." Wes was cradling a tub of popcorn. "Or a documentary on the mating rituals or lack thereof of gay teenagers." Klaine. - We'll All Float On, by klemonademouth, Glee fic

S: When Harry says 'oops', things tend to explode. But not this time. No, this time...well. Something else happened. - Oops, by SilverWolf7007, Harry Potter fic

S: Kurt is the canary whisperer. Blaine thinks it's charming. Wes thinks it's diabolical. For a prompt. - Do You Believe in Magic, by adi-rotynd, Glee fic

S: "If someone says 'split up and look for clues', I am going to kill them," Kurt said darkly. "And we can't afford to have another ghost on our hands," Wes said, in complete seriousness. - But You're Not Fooling Me, by bdrake07

S: Because there is a difference between good friends and best friends and this is what it is: Good friends will accept you when they find out you're a werewolf. Best friends will become animagi to keep you company. - In the Eyes of the Beholder, by fiercejinx

S: In the heat of the battle, he swore a blood oath to defeat Voldemort in every form. But when you factor in his understanding and abilities to travel to alternate dimensions, it presented the sort of problem only a Harry Potter could have. - Dimension Hopping for Beginners, by nonjon

S: In which Crowley attempts to cause mischief in Mississippi, and receives evidence that - just to be contrary - the Heavenly road crew had paved the path to their gates with bad intentions. - The Day of the Squirrel, by Lucillia

S: Once again Tsuna spends a Saturday afternoon bailing Hibari out of jail. - Bail, by Zessei

S: Sherlock is possessed by a demon. A damned, wicked soul that uses the kitchen table for blood rituals and experiments. John doesn't even notice the difference. - How to Accidentally Summon a Demon, by patster223

S: Naruto gets flung back in time. Unfortunately, he brings a slew of other people with him, including most of Akatsuki, and almost destroys the world in the process. Plus, the Kyuubi is missing. And Kakashi has gone nuts. Where's Itachi when you need... he's having a mental breakdown. Great. - Failed Reset, by lifesbutawalkingshadow

S: ...or The Reason Why Ulquiorra or L, or Lawliet, or Eraldo, or Ryuuzaki, or... Joined The Espada. Ulquiorra is L! Gin actually opens his eyes in surprise, Aizen loses, tea is served, Starrk can't be bothered, and Grimmjow is pissy. Oneshot. - Tea, Anyone?, by Kyrial Halcoryn

S: aka Why Hollow/Quincy/Shinigami Flatshares Are a Bad Idea. - The World in Black and White, by Kyrial Halcoryn

S: [Well] Yamamoto asked, [Does anyone else want to file sexual harrasment charges against their captains?] Two hands immediately raised. - Interoffice Personnel Relations, by Lala to the power of 2

S: Allow me to define the world "office-mate" for you: it's a noun. Not a verb. KakaIru - Model Behaviour, by Karanguni

S: In which there is an Experimental Miscalculation of Unparalleled Proportions, an attack on Soul Society by a Monstrous Regiment, and four Captains and one Vice-Captain can only save the day by Nobility, Heroism, and Self-Sacrifice. Right. - It was a Dark and Stormy Night, by incandescens

0o0

Best Quote Ever:

"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."

John Rogers

Good Advice:

When in doubt, differentiate; and always keep your dimensions straight. - Richard Mitchell

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Green Dreams by I-Mushi reviews
Cloud has suffered and asked for forgiveness, but Aeris knows she alone cannot give him it. He must find that forgiveness and peace where it began, back at SOLDIER. SephirothxCloud
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 40 - Words: 274,353 - Reviews: 2650 - Favs: 2,639 - Follows: 2,814 - Updated: 7/31 - Published: 9/13/2007 - Cloud S., Reno, Sephiroth, Zack F.
Tomb Raiders by The Manwell reviews
Trowa Barton was an orphan raised by South African mercenaries. Duo Maxwell was the son of a British lord. Not only were these two teenage boys destined to fall in love, but they were destined to save the world. Tomb Raider style. AU 2x3x2 YAOI Duo/Trowa
Gundam Wing/AC - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 222,368 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 5/18 - Published: 10/5/2012 - Duo M., Trowa B./No-Name
Lost Creatures by Nikoru-chan reviews
Loki's been hauled back to Asgard, judged, bound and sentenced for his crimes. Chapter XXXII posted. Tony Stark's a genius. He's also gifted at getting under people's skin. Odin's the warlord ruler of Asgard. He's also very, very powerful. Both of them in the same room? May just spell the End of the World. WARNING for discussion ofAfghanistan-related injuries. And Tony being Tony.
Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 32 - Words: 69,453 - Reviews: 916 - Favs: 551 - Follows: 674 - Updated: 3/14 - Published: 6/3/2012 - Loki
Team 7: A Retelling by Tellemicus Sundance reviews
The future is not set in stone. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. And every choice made has the potential to drastically alter the fate of the world. This is a lesson he must learn in order to get his revenge.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 16 - Words: 118,190 - Reviews: 495 - Favs: 1,189 - Follows: 1,309 - Updated: 10/9/2014 - Published: 7/6/2011 - Naruto U., Sasuke U., Sakura H., Kakashi H.
Sight by cywscross reviews
Ichigo can see ghosts. He can see Shinigami and Hollows, and that's fine with him, if not always safe. But he kind of wishes that he doesn't also see Zanpakutou spirits. All Zanpakutou spirits. Because apparently, no one else can.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 72,766 - Reviews: 2062 - Favs: 6,778 - Follows: 6,417 - Updated: 8/20/2014 - Published: 5/11/2014 - Ichigo K.
Forging the Sword by Myst Shadow reviews
::Year 2 Divergence:: What does it take, to reshape a child? And if reshaped, what then is formed? Down in the Chamber, a choice is made. (Harry's Gryffindor traits were always so much scarier than other peoples'.)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 152,578 - Reviews: 2869 - Favs: 6,472 - Follows: 7,988 - Updated: 8/19/2014 - Published: 5/26/2007 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G.
Wand Cores by Lydia-kitten reviews
Harry Potter, weathered wizarding warrior in his mid-twenties, finds himself in 1940. Albus is coming up with a theory, and an adolescent Tom Riddle, torn between feeling threatened and piqued, acquires a controversial mentor. Hallows, spell-making, horror, politics and witty banter, served with a Grindledore sidedish. Slow and slightly disturbing TR/HP. First chapters re-polished.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 49 - Words: 241,168 - Reviews: 1890 - Favs: 2,315 - Follows: 2,460 - Updated: 7/7/2014 - Published: 7/16/2010 - Harry P., Albus D., Tom R. Jr., Gellert G.
Dead Man Walking by cywscross reviews
Kreacher goes back to save his master, and Regulus survives but his near-death-by-Inferi puts him into a coma for the next sixteen years. When he wakes, well, the world is not so different. Voldemort is still at large, and the Ministry is still inept. His brother's got a godson now though, so it's only natural for Regulus to keep an eye on young Harry as well.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 52,456 - Reviews: 1291 - Favs: 3,391 - Follows: 3,639 - Updated: 6/23/2014 - Published: 11/9/2013 - Regulus B., Harry P., Sirius B.
backslide by black.k.kat reviews
COMPLETE. Sometimes, even the softest breath on still water can create tsunamis. Several weeks before meeting his genin team, Kakashi is sent to find a bounty hunter responsible for the deaths of five missing-nin, all rumored to be part of a secret organization. But Uzumaki Kurama is far different than anyone expected, and ripples are starting to spread. Slash/yaoi, time travel
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 32 - Words: 140,390 - Reviews: 1758 - Favs: 3,669 - Follows: 1,623 - Updated: 6/13/2014 - Published: 3/28/2014 - Naruto U., Sasuke U., Sakura H., Kakashi H. - Complete
Swinging Pendulum by cywscross reviews
"Too dangerous to live," Central 46 declares. Locked up in Muken with half-healed wounds and helpless rage, Ichigo gets another chance to save his fellow Visored when the Spirit King whisks him away and offers him a deal. He accepts and promptly gets his ass dumped in the past. Like, WAY back in the past. Ichigo really should be used to impossible things happening to him by now.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 84,793 - Reviews: 2271 - Favs: 6,317 - Follows: 6,087 - Updated: 1/20/2014 - Published: 6/23/2013 - Ichigo K.
Trials and Tribulations of Being Decimo by ravenromance27 reviews
In the Vongola household-more specifically in the Tenth Vongola household there are certain things that are absolutely sacrosanct. These matters are never out rightly discussed and never ever really verbalized unless one is a complete novice and needs a crash course or one is in a desperate situation that in a direct result of inadvertently breaking such inviolable rules.
Katekyo Hitman Reborn! - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,848 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 477 - Follows: 394 - Updated: 1/7/2014 - Published: 9/7/2012 - Tsuna/Tsunayoshi S., Vongola 10th Generation
Had I Known by kayly silverstorm reviews
After killing Voldemort during seventh year, Harry vanished without a trace. But now, 8 years later, a deadly secret forces him to return and it seems that only Snape will be able to save him. SSHP, no slash
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 50 - Words: 167,745 - Reviews: 4502 - Favs: 3,746 - Follows: 3,265 - Updated: 9/12/2013 - Published: 8/21/2005 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Proximity to Balance by Mendeia reviews
A series of oneshots of moments, laughter, adventures, and sometimes the lack thereof that defines life for five once-pilots in the days and weeks and years that follow their story. No real spoilers, and no real plot - just snapshots for all five about equally. Rated for cannon-consistent violence just in case.
Gundam Wing/AC - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 19,904 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 8/11/2013 - Published: 3/30/2013 - Duo M., Heero Y., Quatre W., Trowa B./No-Name - Complete
those who were faithful, and those who betrayed them by wild wolf free17 reviews
On my laptop, this lives as 'Loki's kids megacrossover of doom'. So, yeah. 12000 words of healing and planning for vengeance. It was fun. Avengers movieverse/The Magnificent Seven (TV)/Sherlock Holmes (RDJ)/Sherlock (BBC)/NCIS/Inception/White Collar/James Bond movies/various mythologies
Crossover - Norse Mythology & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 18,799 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 7/30/2013 - Published: 7/5/2013 - Fenrir, Jormungan, Sigyn, Loki - Complete
To That Faraway Sky by cywscross reviews
Tsuna's never liked attention so it's only natural for Ienari to stand out more. But being himself means a mom and a brother who don't care about him, and Tsuna doesn't have enough tolerance to overlook it for long. He won't change who he is just to make them like him so he leaves. Three years later, Reborn arrives to train Nari, only to discover that there's one Sawada missing.
Katekyo Hitman Reborn! - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 46,374 - Reviews: 1815 - Favs: 4,314 - Follows: 4,274 - Updated: 5/30/2013 - Published: 2/18/2013 - Tsuna/Tsunayoshi S.
C'est La Vie by cywscross reviews
A year after the war ends, Fate takes the opportunity to toss her favourite hero into a different dimension to repay her debt. A new life in exchange for having fulfilled her prophecy. Harry just wants to know why he has no say in the matter. And why Fate thinks that his hero complex won't eventually kick in. Then again, that might be exactly why Fate dumped him there.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 9 - Words: 107,884 - Reviews: 4144 - Favs: 9,033 - Follows: 9,403 - Updated: 5/9/2013 - Published: 11/23/2012 - Harry P.
The Well Groomed Mind by Lady Khali reviews
On Halloween 1994, Harry learns his mind isn't his own. On Samhain morn, he vows to question everything. Armed with logic and an unlikely ally, Harry makes a last ditch bid to reclaim his life. The goal: survive at all costs. On Hiatus.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 183,000 - Reviews: 3100 - Favs: 5,518 - Follows: 6,067 - Updated: 4/9/2013 - Published: 5/29/2012 - Harry P.
Antithesis by cywscross reviews
After his fifth year, Harry just wants to be left alone. But between dealing with the Dursleys and his own depression, he's also got a testimony to give. Harry's all for dooming his enemies, right up until he realizes he's more tired than angry and vengeance has never been his thing anyway. Besides, less people wanting to stab him in the back makes his life that much easier.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,019 - Reviews: 372 - Favs: 1,392 - Follows: 1,418 - Published: 2/11/2013 - Harry P.
Set the Skies Ablaze by cywscross reviews
It doesn't take long for HOMRA to notice the nondescript man in the bar corner who always arrives at six and never stays a second past seven. But regular patrons aren't that uncommon so they leave him alone… until he stops a kidnapping attempt on their youngest member one day. Then it gets personal – they've got to repay him after all. Too bad the man refuses to cooperate.
Crossover - Katekyo Hitman Reborn! & K - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 33,001 - Reviews: 528 - Favs: 1,777 - Follows: 1,677 - Updated: 1/29/2013 - Published: 1/19/2013 - Tsuna/Tsunayoshi S.
Again and Again by Athey reviews
The Do-Over Fic - a chance to do things again, but this time-To Get it Right. But is it really such a blessing as it appears? A jaded, darker, bitter, and tired wizard who just wants to die; but can't. A chance to learn how to live, from the most unexpected source. slytherin!harry, dark!harry, eventual slash, lv/hp
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Supernatural - Chapters: 25 - Words: 226,768 - Reviews: 3549 - Favs: 5,568 - Follows: 5,562 - Updated: 12/18/2012 - Published: 5/25/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort, Tom R. Jr.
Find Me a White Knight Cloaked in Black by cywscross reviews
When the civilians need something made or fixed in a hurry, they all know to go to the green-eyed foreigner. So it stands to reason that, sooner or later, ninjas would come knocking as well. Insanity ensues – they're messing with a Marauder after all. But mostly, Hiei just wishes they would all leave him alone. HIATUS.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 24,873 - Reviews: 920 - Favs: 4,234 - Follows: 4,864 - Updated: 11/6/2012 - Published: 10/29/2012 - Harry P.
Rewriting History by Tiro reviews
Whenever Harry does something drastic, he always ends up in a strange situation. Time-travel-fic.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Family - Chapters: 26 - Words: 163,886 - Reviews: 1469 - Favs: 3,043 - Follows: 2,007 - Updated: 10/31/2012 - Published: 4/8/2009 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Stages of Hope by kayly silverstorm reviews
Professor Sirius Black, Head of Slytherin house, is confused. Who are these two strangers found at Hogwarts, and why does one of them claim to be the son of Lily Lupin and that git James Potter? Dimension travel AU, no pairings so far. Dark humour.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 32 - Words: 94,563 - Reviews: 3302 - Favs: 4,080 - Follows: 2,293 - Updated: 9/3/2012 - Published: 4/10/2011 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
The Turks' Way by LunaStorm reviews
If Sephiroth can be manipulated by the stuff in the ShinRa Mansion library, Vincent'll make sure that he's manipulated in the right direction. And while he's at it... well... he might as well, mightn't he?
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 22,869 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 1,111 - Follows: 320 - Updated: 8/16/2012 - Published: 7/3/2012 - Vincent V. - Complete
Papabear by Bleeding Jazz Gums reviews
"Because I promise you, if this happens again, which I know it won't, this place will burn."
Avengers - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,007 - Reviews: 165 - Favs: 1,417 - Follows: 320 - Updated: 8/5/2012 - Published: 7/7/2012 - Jarvis, Iron Man/Tony S. - Complete
Of Bear Cubs, Meerkats, and Hobbits by obsessivecompulsivereadr reviews
Blaine has done the unforgivable, and Kurt Hummel is making some changes in his life. David Karofsky has done the unbelievable, and Sebastian Smythe has miscalculated.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 50 - Words: 196,986 - Reviews: 1435 - Favs: 1,387 - Follows: 872 - Updated: 7/25/2012 - Published: 3/13/2012 - Kurt H., Sebastian S. - Complete
Hokage Kakashi by Mirror and Image reviews
Whoever thought Hatake Kakashi would make a great Hokage needed to be killed. Slowly.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,858 - Reviews: 217 - Favs: 1,750 - Follows: 298 - Published: 6/2/2012 - Kakashi H. - Complete
Apocalypse Week by Eternal Contradiction reviews
Sheldon Cooper is crazy, but also kind of made of awesomeness. Or at least that's how Howard puts it. Penny thinks there's a possibility he's made of sexy, and really, the world must be ending if she has to suppress wayward urges to kiss him.
Big Bang Theory - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 61,536 - Reviews: 690 - Favs: 1,249 - Follows: 708 - Updated: 3/31/2012 - Published: 2/3/2011 - Sheldon C., Penny - Complete
Rebirth by Athey reviews
Two boys grow up together in an orphanage, grow powerful at school, are torn apart by death and brought back together by rebirth. Horcruxes aren't the only way to live forever. Necromancy, reincarnation, TR/HP Slash dark!Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 28 - Words: 230,294 - Reviews: 2433 - Favs: 4,693 - Follows: 2,681 - Updated: 2/29/2012 - Published: 11/18/2010 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
The Obligatory Marriage Law Fic by Luan Mao reviews
Harry has to marry a witch for the good of Wizarding Britain. Harry does not like this.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,180 - Reviews: 406 - Favs: 1,650 - Follows: 369 - Updated: 2/15/2012 - Published: 3/8/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
What Happens Without Merlin by sunshineofthespotlessmind reviews
When Merlin leaves, Arthur can't go after him, because he's the King now; Kings can't just run after servants. This is what happens after, in which Gaius is angry, Merlin becomes someone new, and Gwaine is surprisingly helpful. And Arthur... changes.
Merlin - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 32,300 - Reviews: 307 - Favs: 251 - Follows: 258 - Updated: 1/23/2012 - Published: 10/16/2011 - Arthur, Merlin
Conspiracy by Maethoriel Raina reviews
After Voldemort's defeat, and in order to keep control of Harry Dumbledore enacts a marriage contract between Harry and Ginny. Bound by Pureblood Traditions, Harry can only use that to his advantage. Not a Harry/Ginny fic. Pre Slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 40,689 - Reviews: 375 - Favs: 3,269 - Follows: 884 - Published: 11/17/2011 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Some One Liners by TheShoelessOne reviews
A series of short one-shots from the "Two Doctors, a Nurse, a Detective, and a Scot" verse. John/Sherlock
Crossover - Doctor Who & Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,686 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 166 - Updated: 10/17/2011 - Published: 10/1/2011 - 11th Doctor, Sherlock H.
Genius by comedymakestheworldturn reviews
John wants to know what Sherlock is thinking. This is Sherlocks attempt to put it into words. The genres are kind of random, because there's nothing that really fits the fic. *sorry!*
Sherlock - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,839 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/24/2011 - Published: 8/21/2011 - Sherlock H., John W. - Complete
Same Old Story by TheShoelessOne reviews
The best stories are the ones with a good villain. In the "Two Doctors, a Nurse, a Detective and a Scot" verse. John/Sherlock
Crossover - Doctor Who & Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,706 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 162 - Follows: 14 - Published: 9/15/2011 - The Master, Sherlock H. - Complete
Model Behaviour by Karanguni reviews
Allow me to define the world "office-mate" for you: it's a noun. Not a verb. KakaIru
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,544 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 11 - Published: 8/30/2011 - Iruka U., Kakashi H. - Complete
Mixed Signals by TheShoelessOne reviews
Not all TARDISes are the same. In the "Two Doctors, a Nurse, a Detective, and a Scot" verse. John/Sherlock
Crossover - Doctor Who & Sherlock - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,271 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 189 - Follows: 11 - Published: 7/28/2011 - 10th Doctor, Sherlock H. - Complete
Higher Education by knittycat99 reviews
Kurt changes after Dalton. Puck notices. What happens when Puck drops everything and drops in on Kurt Freshman year of college. A Puck/Kurt futurefic, with two chapters of Kurt/Blaine to set the stage.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 22 - Words: 69,555 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 179 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 7/24/2011 - Published: 7/23/2011 - Kurt H., Puck - Complete
The Sting by xonthefloor reviews
Without even planning it, Puck and Kurt find out that they actually get along when no one is watching. But after sudden twist of events, they'll realize that getting along may not be enough for the two of them.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 29 - Words: 293,844 - Reviews: 1018 - Favs: 1,127 - Follows: 539 - Updated: 7/18/2011 - Published: 1/11/2011 - Puck, Kurt H. - Complete
I've Forgotten the Punchline by TheShoelessOne reviews
The joke has to end sometime. Finale to the "Two Doctors, a Nurse, a Detective and a Scot" arc. John/Sherlock
Crossover - Doctor Who & Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,632 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 296 - Follows: 31 - Published: 5/17/2011 - 11th Doctor, John W. - Complete
Third Time's the Charm by TheShoelessOne reviews
And when you add a Detective Inspector to the mix... Triquel to Two Doctors, a Nurse, a Detective and a Scot. John/Sherlock
Crossover - Doctor Who & Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,438 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 291 - Follows: 25 - Published: 5/13/2011 - 11th Doctor, DI Lestrade - Complete
A Study in Blue by TheShoelessOne reviews
On 1st January, 1920, John Watson meets Sherlock Holmes. Jazz Age AU, eventual John/Sherlock.
Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 24,859 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 296 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 5/11/2011 - Published: 3/15/2011 - John W., Sherlock H. - Complete
The Joke is Better the Second Time by TheShoelessOne reviews
Sometimes the joke gets funnier the more you tell it. Sequel to "Two Doctors, a Nurse, a Detective and a Scot". John/Sherlock.
Crossover - Doctor Who & Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,571 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 428 - Follows: 39 - Published: 5/10/2011 - 11th Doctor, Sherlock H. - Complete
Two Doctors, A Nurse, A Detective and A Scot by TheShoelessOne reviews
Stop me if you've heard this one... John/Sherlock
Crossover - Doctor Who & Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,436 - Reviews: 230 - Favs: 1,172 - Follows: 107 - Published: 5/5/2011 - 11th Doctor, Sherlock H. - Complete
Time to Spare by EmySabath reviews
HBPcompliant rewrite of Time For Me. Voldemort has a sinister plot to catch Harry out of bounds and cast a spell to send him back two hundred years, but all does not go as planned and Harry isn't as gone as he'd thought...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 41 - Words: 171,869 - Reviews: 2953 - Favs: 3,923 - Follows: 2,922 - Updated: 5/3/2011 - Published: 8/17/2005 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
The Sensual Ace by Ivory Novelist reviews
In which John discovers why Sherlock does cocaine and decides to become a substitute. BBC Sherlock. Gen, platonic romance. Asexual!Sherlock/Straight!John.
Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,535 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 219 - Follows: 19 - Published: 3/29/2011 - Sherlock H., John W. - Complete
Mouth of Babes by Morgan Stuart reviews
Several weeks after the explosion at the pool following "The Great Game" episode, Lestrade visits the recuperating Sherlock and John at 221B Baker Street. He brings case files and food... and a visitor in tow.
Sherlock - Rated: K - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,495 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 436 - Follows: 23 - Published: 3/12/2011 - Sherlock H., DI Lestrade - Complete
On a Train, Switching Tracks by Mede reviews
First year: "Celebrities," Harry said. "Fame makes them mad. I take it the wizarding world doesn't really have them, then?" Draco and Ron exchanged glances. "No, not really." AU, assorted oneshots and snippets.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 21,534 - Reviews: 707 - Favs: 2,602 - Follows: 2,249 - Updated: 3/3/2011 - Published: 1/22/2009 - Harry P., Ron W., Draco M., Neville L.
Crossing the Line by Ultra-Geek reviews
In which Merlin is bludgeoned, strangled, attacked, smothered, shot with glass, and tossed out a window, burned, whipped, stabbed, thrown down stairs, nearly drowned on dry land, and harpooned, and still manages to save Camelot from seven evil sorcerers.
Merlin - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,415 - Reviews: 268 - Favs: 1,655 - Follows: 158 - Published: 2/18/2011 - Merlin, Arthur - Complete
But You're Not Fooling Me by bdrake07 reviews
"If someone says 'split up and look for clues', I am going to kill them," Kurt said darkly. "And we can't afford to have another ghost on our hands," Wes said, in complete seriousness. Kurt/Blaine, Rated T for Language.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,366 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 237 - Follows: 13 - Published: 12/4/2010 - Kurt H., Blaine A. - Complete
put your hands into the fire by mirai3k reviews
The thing with Merlin is that when it comes to the things that count, that really count, he doesn't miss a beat. Merlin/Arthur
Merlin - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,513 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/1/2010 - Arthur, Merlin - Complete
The Fifth Act by Sinnatious reviews
Cloud has an accident with a Time materia. There are people to save, and for that, some people need to die.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 38 - Words: 169,887 - Reviews: 2544 - Favs: 4,002 - Follows: 1,100 - Updated: 9/15/2010 - Published: 5/7/2010 - Cloud S., Sephiroth - Complete
Heaven and Hell Klatch by Jedipati reviews
Heaven's newest archangel finds out that Hell can contact Heaven- when the new Lord of Hell demands to speak with whoever's in charge. Prequel to Lunch with Heaven and Hell and a Mechanic
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,616 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 17 - Published: 8/26/2010 - Castiel, Sam W. - Complete
The Paladin Protocol by SpaceAnJL reviews
*Complete* Every journey has to start somewhere. This one began when Penny found an alternative to paintball, and Sheldon dusted off an old skill.
Big Bang Theory - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 91,749 - Reviews: 1535 - Favs: 2,738 - Follows: 598 - Updated: 7/24/2010 - Published: 12/30/2009 - Sheldon C., Penny - Complete
The Valley of the Kings Massacre by DisobedienceWriter reviews
An adult Harry finds his destiny as an independent curse breaker in Egypt.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,177 - Reviews: 306 - Favs: 1,769 - Follows: 391 - Published: 5/25/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
This Story Needs More Power Ballads by pyrebi reviews
In which Dean has an angelic boyfriend and Sam is a better brother than anyone gives him credit for.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,276 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 423 - Follows: 17 - Published: 4/16/2010 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Fate's Chosen by Luan Mao reviews
Harry dies and wakes up in Fate's office. You've heard it before, right? You're expecting a re-do fic, right?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,148 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 466 - Follows: 131 - Published: 4/7/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
The List by daisyham8 reviews
Castiel knows things are changing for him and he can't stop it, so he composes a List. Dean/Castiel, spoilers/canon through 5x14. Character death
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,694 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 200 - Follows: 11 - Published: 3/6/2010 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
The Mandatory Marriage Contract Fic by Itsme66 reviews
AU post 5th year. A bunny that wouldn't let go. Harry is set up in a marriage contract, but things don't go as planned. Rated for language and blatant - if non-desciptive - sexuality.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 62,585 - Reviews: 251 - Favs: 1,370 - Follows: 351 - Updated: 2/26/2010 - Published: 1/25/2010 - Harry P., Morag M. - Complete
The Beast Master by wsbenge reviews
Power Dark Lord knows not. Something unique to Harry saved him from an attack by the worst wizard tyrant in centuries. Albus put traumatized boy in a picnic basket, and left him on Aunt's doorstep in the dead of night, note attached, of course. Riiight.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 78,469 - Reviews: 746 - Favs: 2,006 - Follows: 2,277 - Updated: 2/9/2010 - Published: 9/12/2009 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Ineluctable by AnihyrMoonstar reviews
TwoShot. The whispered words “Sleep with me,” were an order, an offer, and a request all rolled into one, and Butler supposed it should have taken more than one kiss, three words, and a gentle tug towards the bedroom—but it didn’t. Butler/Artemis
Artemis Fowl - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,322 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 251 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 11/27/2009 - Published: 8/13/2009 - Artemis F., Butler - Complete
Scorpius Malfoy and the Improbable Plot by opalish reviews
Scorpius really should have listened to his father's numerous and dire warnings about the Potter clan. Harry feels his pain. Gen crackfic WIP, yo. Seriously, so cracky.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 47,805 - Reviews: 1277 - Favs: 1,500 - Follows: 1,206 - Updated: 10/31/2009 - Published: 6/29/2008 - Scorpius M., Harry P.
In the Garden by Lindenharp reviews
How do you thank someone for saving the world - again? Minor spoilers for "Planet of the Dead" .
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,074 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/22/2009 - 10th Doctor - Complete
The Elite by Adari reviews
Why did Harry Potter nod in greeting to Draco Malfoy when he saw the man on the platform 19 years later? Ron and Hermione were clearly not on such terms with the man. What secret did the two men share from even their own families?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,382 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 691 - Follows: 96 - Published: 7/4/2009 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Hell Bound Harry by HermanTumbleweed reviews
One-Shot An unusual, darkish, Azkaban Harry story. Told entirely first person by Harry, as he answers questions to tell of how he came to be there, and who really killed Voldemort and Dumbledore. Not for everyone: Read notes at start.Rated M language.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 22,619 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 19 - Published: 3/13/2009 - Harry P. - Complete
Entertaining Angels by Laura of Maychoria reviews
A strange boy shows up at Dean and Sam’s motel room. Maybe he needs help, or maybe he’s there to help them—they can’t quite tell. Spoilers through 4.10. Not an OC.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 22 - Words: 43,659 - Reviews: 546 - Favs: 776 - Follows: 138 - Updated: 12/24/2008 - Published: 11/24/2008 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Sugar and Spice by LadyNightRunner reviews
Christmas is the time of family and friendship. It's the time to get together with everyone you hold dear. Just be prepared to be held liable for anything that happens while you're all gathered. Rated for cookies, sugar, icing, and Marlene.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,043 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/19/2008 - Complete
A little Mal de Mer by LadyNightRunner reviews
In which more is learned about Chaos and his relationship with the world in general and two people in particular. Warning: rough seas, cuteness, cuddling, and general oddity dead ahead. Whales to starboard. Confused Vincent off the port bow.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: K - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,709 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 213 - Follows: 19 - Published: 8/13/2008 - Vincent V., Marlene W. - Complete
Where One's Responsibilities Lie by joudama reviews
In which Vincent learns that you are responsible for the things you pick up, and in which Cloud tells someone to stop angsting. Kweh.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,707 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 457 - Follows: 35 - Published: 6/7/2008 - Vincent V., Cloud S. - Complete
Pantogogue by BC reviews
Slash SSHP. Severus' POV: Potter is changing in front of my eyes, gaining a disconcerting resemblance to Tom Riddle. As usual, it falls to me to save the brat... for the price of 'only' my soul.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 136,985 - Reviews: 675 - Favs: 936 - Follows: 364 - Updated: 5/1/2008 - Published: 10/7/2007 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
First Place Sinner by Daystar Clarion reviews
In which Harry has Petunia's love, though it makes him bleed. RE-EDITED Rated M For masochism, drug abuse, and other mature themes
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,801 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 317 - Follows: 49 - Published: 4/15/2008 - Harry P., Petunia D. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Soul Gems by shedoc reviews
Coming as it did a scant 10 hours after his defeat of Voldemort, the Minsitry's exile of Harry Potter must have come as a crushing betrayal...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 11 - Words: 66,513 - Reviews: 328 - Favs: 1,503 - Follows: 273 - Published: 4/9/2008 - Complete
Ordinary by WinterRepublic reviews
You wish you were just an ordinary boy, and you dream sometimes... SLASH:LVHP
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,696 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 4 - Published: 3/30/2008 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
The Last Song by Minstrel Knight reviews
Complete AU. A 30k words story in first person with Harry's thoughts from a hurt child to becoming the greatest hero of Britain. A unique crossover involving Dr. Who and Arthurian legends, an interlink of destinies. Unique HG. Completed.
Crossover - Doctor Who & Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 31,268 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 166 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 3/4/2008 - Published: 3/2/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Thorns by Vathara reviews
What if Aeris found unexpected help before Zack broke out? AU.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 45,428 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 955 - Follows: 137 - Published: 11/7/2007 - Zack F., Cloud S. - Complete
And yet by BC reviews
Oneshot. Severus and Harry came to a ceasefire during the war, but they are still misunderstood. Dumbledore is hoodwinked. HBP AU.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,805 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 10/7/2007 - Published: 10/30/2006 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Oops by SilverWolf7007 reviews
When Harry says 'oops', things tend to explode. But not this time. No, this time...well. Something else happened.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 600 - Reviews: 387 - Favs: 1,963 - Follows: 299 - Published: 11/2/2006 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Some Say by Eraina reviews
Post book 7. Snape is good, but now he's dead, killed in the final battle of the wizarding war. Despite much controversy, a memorial was erected for him on the Hogwarts grounds...a very special memorial. In fact, some say...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,665 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 10 - Published: 8/24/2006 - Severus S. - Complete
Drinking Buddies by Shirou Shinjin reviews
A very, very drunk hitokiri finds someone to talk to in the most unlikely of people...
Rurouni Kenshin - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,268 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 165 - Follows: 8 - Published: 4/23/2006 - Complete
On the Wings of Magic by Bil reviews
Complete. AU sixth year, post OotP. Harry understands some hard truths, Minerva and Severus are drawn in. Not HBP compliant. Hero!Harry, Manipulative!Dumbledore. HP, MM, SS.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14,071 - Reviews: 301 - Favs: 1,041 - Follows: 242 - Updated: 3/30/2006 - Published: 3/16/2006 - Harry P., Minerva M. - Complete
Right Side of Justice by Bill-the-Pony reviews
Updated: Chapter 12 Galadriel spoke of a change back when the Trees still moved. That was many a year in the past but as the century where men are called 'cowboys' rolls to count, Legolas has yet a role to play in the history of this new age.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 36,888 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 3/2/2006 - Published: 9/25/2003 - Legolas
The Fourth Year by Caligryphy reviews
SnapeHarry, HBP compliant. Snape is Harry's prisoner. An unforeseen event changes their relationship. Or has it already been changing?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 42,037 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 155 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 1/29/2006 - Published: 1/20/2006 - Harry P., Severus S.
So Lonely Without Me by Caligryphy reviews
SnapeHarry slash. Two men, two rooms, a war.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 41,181 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 382 - Follows: 40 - Published: 12/21/2005 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Merry Christmas Betas! by Pentangle-linnon reviews
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be a beta? Aragorn. Legolas. Beta Reader.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,136 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 32 - Published: 12/1/2005 - Aragorn, Legolas - Complete
Le Petit Chat by A-Spirit reviews
COMPLETE! AU. SSHP. The Spy who became an Artist. The Child who needed a home. The Recluse who became a Teacher and the Boy who saved the world. Sometimes, age is just a number and love can never be wrong.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 28,368 - Reviews: 259 - Favs: 617 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 10/16/2005 - Published: 10/5/2005 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Evil Be Thou My Good by Ruskbyte reviews
Nine years ago Vernon Dursley brought home a certain puzzle box. His nephew managed to open it, changing his destiny. Now, in the midst of Voldemort's second rise, Harry Potter has decided to recreate the Lament Configuration... and open it... again.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 40,554 - Reviews: 1643 - Favs: 5,394 - Follows: 1,126 - Published: 6/24/2005 - Harry P., Hermione G.
The Sacred And The Profane by afrai reviews
Somewhere else the happy ending was different.
Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 37,864 - Reviews: 237 - Favs: 394 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 6/17/2005 - Published: 4/29/2002 - Complete
A Sorting Song by Severus by Textualsphinx reviews
BLOODY BRILLIANT Award Winner. Who but Severus would write a song that insults every house but his own in polysyllabic rhyming couplets? If Rowling were in her grave, she'd be spinning..
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,378 - Reviews: 452 - Favs: 1,097 - Follows: 103 - Published: 3/25/2002
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Five Separate Times reviews
In which the Dark Lord is Not Impressed, Lucius wishes he was not the "responsible one", Severus demonstrates his intimidation skills, and, of course, there are explosions. Many, many explosions.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,766 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/23/2014 - Severus S., Lucius M., Voldemort - Complete
What Remains, However Improbable reviews
In which there is much drama, excitement, and magic. In which Mycroft is annoyed, Sherlock deducts the Statute of Security to pieces, and John is the only one polite to the new tenant. In other words: in which Harry Potter moves to Baker Street.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,430 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 738 - Follows: 1,325 - Updated: 7/4/2012 - Published: 3/29/2012 - Harry P., Sherlock H., John W.
Christmas Cheer reviews
So just how does Sherlock deal with the seasonal Christmas decorations?
Sherlock - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 362 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/29/2012 - John W., DI Lestrade - Complete
End Game reviews
"A man strides purposefully out of the smoke and gloom that have filled the London night, an umbrella swinging from his hand like an odd walking stick." He's the most dangerous man you'll ever meet, and now Moriarty has just tried to kill his little brother.
Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,168 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 185 - Follows: 26 - Published: 3/29/2012 - Mycroft H., DI Lestrade, Sgt. S. Donavan - Complete
Whiskers on Kittens reviews
On occasion, the crime scenes get the better of Lestrade. Sometimes, it's the gruesome bodies. Sometimes, it's the horrid weather. But most of the time? Most of the time, it's the company.
Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,778 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 8 - Published: 3/29/2012 - DI Lestrade, Sherlock H. - Complete
From the Mixed Up Files of Riddle Master's Muse reviews
Humor and Drama and Adventure, oh my! Stories, drabbles, and long winding narratives from all across the realm of fandom. Includes Harry Potter, Supernatural, Big Bang Theory, and Merlin.
Crossover - X-overs & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,376 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 3/29/2012 - Published: 8/23/2011
A Lightning's Tale reviews
Harry Potter is abruptly thrown into a different world upon receiving his letter from Hogwarts. Danger stalks him at every turn, light and dark are locked in a constant, eternal battle, and weaving it all together is this substance called magic...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 109,995 - Reviews: 204 - Favs: 580 - Follows: 179 - Updated: 9/3/2010 - Published: 7/24/2009 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
The Most Unkindest Cut of All reviews
"And suddenly he's laughing. Hysterically. Because it's inconceivable, implausible, and ludicrous that Severus Snape, of all people, would betray their Lord...and yet..."
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,963 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 15 - Published: 7/20/2010 - [Severus S., Voldemort] - Complete
Yuletide Carols reviews
Dark and Light renditions of your favorite holiday songs, LOTR style! Intended to be humorous, not matter how black that humor turns out to be. So get in the holiday spirit and sing along!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 622 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/8/2009 - Published: 12/1/2009 - Orc
Manager of:
Community: On the Road
Focus: TV Shows Supernatural