agrizzlyandalionequalsdisaster
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Joined 05-27-09, id: 1948489, Profile Updated: 01-08-10
Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter, and Twilight.

Helloooooooo this fanfic account was made by 2 people so we can make joint fanfics easily :)

Well this is pretty short... Anyway.

The two people?

Cj - the awesome one.

Chloe - the boring one.

Fact: Chloe has no absolute idea that I, the great, awesome, wonderful CJ has changed the profile . WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So. send us messages for fanfiction ideas, that would be neat.

Underlined is 'the' cj

Italics is chloe

copy and paste:

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you are one of the two percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped UP stairs, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. (Lucky is just a normal leprechaun who wants his cereal)

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile

If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

Copy paste this to your profile if you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of pushing the button on the TV.

If you have ever forgotten and/or spelt your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you think your best friend is insane, put this in your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus put this on your profile.

If you've ever lost someone (cats count) you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do (which is ALOT), copy this in your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you absolutely adore cliff hangers and suspenseful stuff like that copy and paste this into your profile

98 of teenagers do drugs and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

If you think disclaimers are the most annoying thing ever copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this onto your profile.

I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favourite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know there's more to good random humour than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile.

I like eggs. Tigers are pretty. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever passed notes in class when you are allowed to talk copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good because unique is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you believe that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you, copy and paste this onto your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that's weird. If you agree then copy this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever choked on air copy this into your profile..

If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile.

If Orlando Bloom said to stop breathing, 99 percent of girls currently on the face of the Earth would be dead right now. Put this on your profile if you'd be the 1 percent still alive and laughing.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3.

If you have ever stopped in the middle of a busy street to look at something, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this to your profile.

If you forgot your phone number when someone asked you for it, copy this to your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and paste this into your profile.

Instead of doing it yourself, you like to copy. If that describes you, paste this into your profile.

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!

93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a slow runner...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever read started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

98 of the internet population have a MySpace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have stared at your computer for a complete hour copying and pasting copy and paste its into your profile copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

If you've ever tripped over your own toe, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever stood straight up, then fell down for no apparent reason, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever yelled at an inanimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these (there's more BWHAHAHAHA!!), copy this into your profile!!

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know at least five words to the song 'I Love Rock n' Roll', put this in your profile

If you have ever attacked someone with joy, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Emmett absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Chocolate chip cookies are yummy! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile. ( I did before, when i was still addicted to it)

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever been bored out of your mind, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you've ever had an argument with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever had a conversation with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If whenever someone asks you your name, you have to think about it, copy this to your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If less than two days before this was posted, your profile was blank, copy this to your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have a friend that thinks Twilight is stupid, copy and paste this on your profile. (I’m one of it... sorry for the twi-fans)

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now ever your parents are afraid of you because of the results, copy this onto your profile

If you are called 'weird' at least 5 times a day, post this in your profile.

Drugs are bad news. Spread the word. Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your pro.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile. :D

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever shouted out random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have sudden mood changes out of nowhere copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers drink or have been around alcohol, put this in your profile if you like MUFFINS!

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingies, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile.

If you think rap is the most God-awfulest thing to ever be called "music," and that rappers are wanna-bes who are being paid to make fools out of themselves and can't even sing, copy and paste this into your profile.--And always remember. Crap can't be spelled without first spelling rap.

If you aren't one of those wanna be pop stars that shop at name brand stores, copy this to your profile!

If you are a loner/Goth/emo/freak/punk/weird person, then copy this to your profile. (more of the weird type) :D

If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour' differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever yelled out a random food item during class or just randomly, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever wondered why the heck fanfiction doesn't have colour for profiles, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are frequently told to be quiet/shut the hell up, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get way to excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy this into your profile

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this into your profile

If you've ever walked into a wall because you were looking sideways at a friend, copy this into your profile

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile

If you constantly forget what you're saying or are about to say, and I mean CONSTANTLY, copy this into your profile

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile

If you jump up and down on the elevator, copy and paste this to your profile

If you complain that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you don’t just for the sake of being stubborn, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so that they could spread their 6-AM cheers to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are good at annoying people (especially on loooooong car journeys) copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever get a random urge to start screaming copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an entire conversation, copy and paste this in to your profile.

If you think that Global Warming is real, and that it should be dealt with, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are such a loser that you actually read all these 'If you ever blah blah blah, copy this into your profile' things, copy this into your profile

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times, that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile

If you ever were told to go somewhere and you forgot why and you had to go back to find out copy this into your profile!

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile

If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy and paste this into your profile.

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off its orbit" for a couple scientists’ likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

We now have the technology to copy human skin cells to test on for all cosmetics and beauty supplies. If you are against any type of animal testing, post this on your profile.

If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity.

If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile

If you get bored easily post this on your profile.

If you have no willpower post this onto your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post on profile.

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile.

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him 5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her 50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him 5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde 50.00

The blonde put the 50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him 5.

BEST FRIENDS N FRIENDS:

FRIENDS: never ask anything to eat or drink

BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS Call your parents M. Mrs and grandma and grandpa

BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the process

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BESTFRIENDS: Won’t tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you’re not down anymore

FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you

BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the BLEEP out of him/her by threatening to break every bone in him/her's body if he/she hurts you.

FRIENDS: Will say you can do better

BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say "seven days”

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BESTFRIENDS: Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move

BESTFRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall

BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain

BESTFRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected

BESTFRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number

BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BESTFRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad ... here’s a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS: Will leave you behind if that’s what everyone else is doing

BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BESTFRIENDS: Would walk right in and say ,"IM HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)

BESTFRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough

BESTFRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you know we don’t waste”

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his ass

FRIENDS: bail you outta jail

BEST FRIENDS: sit next to you singing the jail song

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS: dare you to scream into the street

BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running thru bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" (don't ask you don't want to know)

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BESTFRIENDS: Will repost this crap.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mother saying you can still keep it.

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.

For all I know you could startat any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'


'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think

LADIES don't start fights, we FINISH them.

A good girl is a bad girl who’s never gotten caught.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the heck alone.

If you are a serial killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME. If you are a cereal killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY CHERRIOS.

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda"

Girls Don't realize these things;

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you20threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things' I really wish that more guys were like this, and I bet alot of girls do too.

Really sad! prepare yourselves!

My name is Chris.

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong

I can't speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He's already locked it

And i start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While i lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Chris

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me.

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY THAT POEM INTO YOUR PROFILE!!

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

never take life seriously, no one gets out alive anyway.

There are no stupid questions just stupid people.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Energizer bunny arrested. charged with battery.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, it’s just that yours is stupid.

Everyone has photographic memory some just don't have film.

Always remember your unique just like everyone else.

if you die in an elevator just be sure to push the up button.

The road to success is always under construction.

Is it a good vacuum if it really sucks?

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have 50 million but I was just as happy when I had 48 million.

I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

Let's flip a coin: heads, we'll be together; tails, we'll flip again

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Friends will always be like "well, you deserve better", but best friends will prank call him whispering "seven days..."

A friend helps you when you fall; a best friend says "Walk much, dumbass?"

A friend gives you their umbrella when it rains; a best friend takes your's and says "RUN!"

A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected; a best friend walks up to him and says "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A friend will bail you out of jail; a best friend will be in the room next to you saying "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

A good friend helps you when you fall. A best friend laughs and trips you again.

1 out of every 4 people is insane. Look at your three best friends; if it's not them, it's you.

We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a brdge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass.

Treat each day as your last; one day you'll be right

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

47 Ways To Annoy a Non-Harry Potter Fan:

1) Relate everything they say to the Harry Potter books or movies.

2) Crowd their in box with Harry Potter related emails, make the subject misleading.

3) Give them Harry Potter merchandise for their b-day and demand they cherish it 4-ever.

4) Pretend you can do magic.

5) Yell "CRUCIO" whenever they insult Harry Potter.

6) If your late for something blame it on your broken time turner.

7) Sort every person you meet in to one of the four houses.

8) Say "Lumos" every time you turn on a light.

9) If your asked to retrieve something shout "Accio" loudly.

10) Refuse to wash your hair and explain you're going for the Snape look.

11) Spend hours at a time trying to make your broom fly.

12) Tap all brick walls you encounter with an umbrella.

13) Demand to know what exactly the function of a rubber duck is.

14) Carry around a hip flask and refuse to drink anything anyone else offers you.

15) Hum the Harry Potter theme all day long.

16) Talk to animals and insist that they're animagi.

17) Walk up to random people and ask if their initials are R.A.B.

18) Tell them that they're almost as smart as Grawp.

19) Refuse to tell them who Grawp is.

20) Whenever it gets foggy outside scream "The Dementors are coming!" and hide for days at a time.

21) Point at modern electronic devices and say "Look at that! The things these muggles come up with!"

22) Point and grunt and insist that your speaking troll.

23) Take them to a CD store and make them look for the new Weird Sisters Album.

24) Always speak with a British accent, especially if your not from the U.K.

25) Draw round glasses and a lightening bolt scar on every poster you come across.

26) Constantly compare them to Mrs. Figg.

27) Laugh evilly if they ask who Mrs. Figg is.

28) Complain loudly about how your pictures don't move.

29) Break any awkward silences by saying "How 'bout them Chudley Canons."

30) Say "Alhomora" every time you open a door.

31) Every time you see them demand an explanation of why they don't like harry potter.

32) Say everything in a sing-song voice like Luna Lovegood.

33) Shriek loudly and say that you're speaking Mermish.

34) If they ask you about the weather solemnly say, "Mars is bright tonight."

35) Pretend your under an invisibility cloak and shout "You can't see me!"

36) Knit them a maroon jumper every year, especially if maroon isn't there color.

37) Draw the sign of the Hallow on every surface in the house.

38) While playing chess with them, stare at your pieces and give them verbal commands.

39) Throw the chess board across the room when the pieces don't move.

40) When one of the movies is on TV remind them every five minutes.

41) Refer to random people as "You Know Who."

42) Start swatting at the air saying there's a wrackspurt around.

43) Ask them to help you stuy for your O.W.L.'S

44) Walk around bumping into walls explaining your looking for the Room of Requirement.

45) Run up to random men with long dark hair and scream "SIRIUS! always knew you were alive!"

46) Hog the computer when making Harry potter videos on youtube.

47) Tell them that You Know Who was defeated today. When they ask who's you know who pretend to be offended and don't tell them who he is.

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck k!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

101 things to do at WalMart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"

6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and candy".

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code Red in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off and turn up all the volumes to the max.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"

15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.

16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

43. Two words: "Marco Polo."

44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.

45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."

53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.

55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."

59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.

70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.

71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag

72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"

73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes

74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices

75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane

76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)

77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"

78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight

79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.

80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.

81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section

82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.

83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.

84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.

85. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.

86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!"

87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.

88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught

89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.

90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."

91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.

92. Rearrange items as you see fit.

93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.

94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs.

95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex).

96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended).

97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.

98. Follow someone until they notice.

99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial.

100. Sing 'Girlfriend' very loudly, particularly in front of old people. Emphasise all swear words and watch the looks on their faces.

101. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line :)

Ten things to see before you die

1. A vegetarian be eaten by an animal.

2. An emo kid talk about happy bunnies.

3. Homer say something intelligent.

4. Taxes disappear.

5. Voldemort destroy one of his Horcruxes.

6. Michael Jackson be stalked by children.

7. Children take over class and teach teacher in child subjects, such as: armpit farts, skate-boarding, real music, ect.

8. Wrestling people forget their moves.

9. The coyote catch the road runner.

10. The reaction of the teen population if abercombie was closed and it was illegal to wear their clothing.

Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

harry potter quotes

Oh, are you a prefect, Percy? You should have said something, we had no idea."
"Hang on I think I remember him saying something about it, once..."
"Or twice-"
"A minute-"
"All summer-"

"You haven't got a letter on yours", George observed. "I suppose she Mrs.Weasley thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid - we know we're called Gred and Forge."

"Now, you two - Behave yourselves. If I get one word that you've blown up a toilet or - " Mrs. Weasley
"Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet."
"Great idea though, thanks, Mum."

"Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?"
"Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious..."

As though an invisible hand were writing upon it, words appeared on the smooth surface of the map. "Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
Snape froze. Harry stared, dumbstruck, at the message. But the map didn't stop there. More writing was appearing beneath the first.
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
It would have been funny if the situation hadn't been so serious. And there was more...
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."
Harry closed his eyes in horror. When he'd opened them, the map had had its last word.
"Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."

Mrs. Weasley let out a shriek just like Hermione's.
"I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!"
"What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?" said George indignantly, as his mother pushed him aside and flung her arms around her youngest son.

"Arthur, is that you?"
"Yes," came Mr. Weasley's weary voice. "But I would say that even if I were a Death Eater, dear. Ask the question!"
"Oh, honestly..."
"Molly!"
"All right, all right... What is your dearest ambition?"
"To find out how airplanes stay up."
Mrs. Weasley nodded and turned the doorknob, but apparently Mr. Weasley was holding tight to it on the other side, because the door remained firmly shut.
"Molly! I've got to ask you your question first!"
"Arthur, really, this is just silly..."
"What do you like me to call you when we're alone together?"
Even by the dim light of the lantern Harry could tell that Mrs. Weasley had turned bright red; he himself felt suddenly warm around the ears and neck, and hastily gulped soup, clattering his spoon as loudly as he could against the bowl.
"Mollywobbles," whispered a mortified Mrs. Weasley into the crack at the edge of the door.

Why Are You Worrying about You-Know-Who?
You SHOULD Be Worrying About
U-NO-POO -
the Constipation Sensation That's Gripping the Nation

"Yeah, I'm really going to tell you, because it's your business, Potter. You'd better hurry up, they'll be waiting for the Chosen Captain - the Boy Who Scored - whatever they call you these days."

"Do you remember me telling you we were practising nonverbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes", said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me 'sir', Professor

"Am I about to discover where you, Ron, and Hermione disappeared to while you were supposed to be in the back room of Fred and George's shop?"
"How did you -- "
"Harry, please. You're talking to the man who raised Fred and George.

Don't be prat, Neville, that's illegal," said George. "They wouldn't use the Cruciatus Curse on the champions. I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry."

"Enjoying it?" said Ron darkly. "I don't reckon he'd come home if Dad didn't make him. He's obsessed. Just don't get him onto the subject of his boss. According to Mr. Crouch...as I was saying to Mr Crouch...Mr. Crouch is of the opinion...Mr. Crouch was telling me...They'll be announcing their engagement any day now."

Ron: "Who're you going with then?"
Fred: "Angelina."
Ron: "What? You've already asked her?"
Fred: "Good point. Oi, Angelina! Want to come to the ball with me?"

"Wild!" he said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again ... and again ... and again. . ."

"Who's Kreacher?"
"The house-elf who lives here," said Ron. "Nutter. Never met one like him."
"He is not a nutter," said Hermione.
"His life's ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque like his mother," said Ron. "Is that normal, Hermione?"

"Well, I had one that I was playing Quidditch the other night," said Ron, screwing up his face in an effort to remember. "What do you think that means?"
"Probably that you're going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something," said Harry, turning the pages of The Dream Oracle without interest.

"I'll make Goyle do lines, it'll kill him, he hates writing," said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle's low grunt, and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair.
"I...must...not...look...like...a...baboon's...backside..."

Malfoy glanced around. Harry knew he was checking for signs of teachers. Then he looked back at Harry and said in a low voice, "You're dead, Potter."
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Funny," he said, "you'd think I'd have stopped walking around..."

Draco: "You see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments".
"Yeah," said Harry, "but you, unlike me, are a git."

"Don't put your wand there , boy!" roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"
"Who d'you know who's lost a buttock?" the violet-haired woman asked Mad-Eye interestedly.
"Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket!" growled Mad-Eye. "Elementary wand safety, nobody bothers about it anymore..." He stumped off toward the kitchen. "And I saw that," he added irritably, as the woman rolled her eyes at the ceiling.

talking about Inferi in DADA... "When we come face-to-face with one down a dark alley, we're going to be having a look to see if it's solid, aren't we? We're not going to be asking, 'Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?'"

Fred, George, Harry, and Ron were the only ones who knew that the angel on top of the tree was actually a garden gnome that had bitten Fred on the ankle as he pulled up carrots for Christmas dinner. Stupefied, painted gold, stuffed into a miniature tutu and with small wings glued to its back, it glowered down at them all, the ugliest angel Harry had ever seen, with a large bald head like a potato and rather hairy feet.

"How d'you spell 'belligerent'?" said Ron, shaking his quill very hard while staring at his parchment. "It can't be B-U-M-"
"No, it isn't," said Hermione, pulling Ron's essay toward her. "And 'augury' doesn't begin O-R-G either. What kind of quill are you using?"
"It's one of Fred and George's Spell-Check ones... but I think the charm must be wearing off..."
"Yes, it must," said Hermione, pointing at the title of his essay, "because we were asked how we'd deal with dementors, not 'Dugbogs,' and I don't remember you changing your name to 'Roonil Wazlib' either."

"A little way to his left, Ernie Macmillan was contemplating his hoop so hard that his face had turned pink; it looked as if he was straining to lay a Quaffle-sized egg."

"I do," she Moaning Myrtle said, with a sulky little shrug, "but that doesn't mean I can't visit other places. I came and saw you in your bath once, remember?"
"Vividly," said Harry.

"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!"

"Why were you lurking under our window?"
"Yes -- yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?"
"Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.
His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage.
"Listening to the news! Again?"
"Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropiate date to the Yule Ball

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insureance pollicy on Harry Potter

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"

8) I am not allowde to start a betting pool on this years Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"

14) I will not you my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it

16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room togther and bet on which House will come out alive

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Kinghts of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast

18) I am not allowed to declare an offical "Hug A Slytherin Day"

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways

20) It is not nessisary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-ful"

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell

26) It is not nessicary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to potrol the hallways

28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge

30) I will not go to class skyclad

31) I will not use Umbridge's quiz to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the poition is acceptable as Body Lotion

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"

37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearnig an orange anorak

38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronous

43) I will not lick Trevor

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey"

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

48) I am not the King of the Potato Poeple and I do not have a flying carpet

49) "To conqur the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God

WHO DOES THE WORK??

Who's working anyway?

The population of the US is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 15 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,
Sitting on your butt,

At your computer, reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice.

FEMALE COMEBACKS!!
pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost
this...
If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity.

HEARTWARMING

l

l

V

HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001 When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family, " but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her . It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

A Note from the Author: If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter animals in order to prevent unwanted animals. Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet. Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY.10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long?)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fights anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

When I first saw you...

I was afraid to meet you...

When I first met you...

I was afraid to kiss you...

When I first kissed you...

I was afraid to love you...

But now that I love you...

I'm afraid to lose you...

This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!Paste this to your profile if you can read this!

CJ

YOUR GUY SIDE

x You love hoodies.
x You love jeans.
x Dogs are better than cats.
x It's hilarious when people get hurt.
x You've played with/against boys on a team.
x Shopping is torture.
x Sad movies suck.
x You own/ed an X-Box.
x Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
x At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
x You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.

x You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
x You watch sports on TV.
x Gory movies are cool.
x You go to your dad for advice.
x You own like a trillion baseball caps.
x You like going to high school football games.
x You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
x Baggy pants are cool to wear.
x It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
x Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
x You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
x Sports are fun
x Talk with food in your mouth.
x Sleep with your socks on at night

TOTAL: 20/25 :P

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

x You wear lip gloss/chapstick.
x You love to shop.
x You wear eyeliner.
x Go to your mom for advice.
x You consider cheerleading a sport.
x You hate wearing the color black.
x You like hanging out at the mall.
x You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
x You like wearing jewelry.
x Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
x Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
x You don't like the movie Star Wars.
x You were/are in gymnastics/dance
x It takes you around/more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
x You smile a lot more than you should.
x You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
x You care about what you look like.
x You like wearing dresses when you can.
x You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
x You love the movies.
x Used to play with dolls as little kid.
x Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
x Like being the star of everything, You wear the color pink

TOTAL: 4/23 :D

Max Ride, Meeting by localisedmorphia reviews
Iggy Fang Nudge are one family,Max Gazzy Angel are another. Meet for the first time at school. Iggy hates Lissa,Fang's girlfriend,so does Max. Fang decides likes Max,but so does Iggy. Who'll Max choose, Fang or Iggy?...or Sam, or Dylan
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,351 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 7/6/2010 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Max, Fang
Frustrations and Boundaries reviews
What if... Lucius and Narcissa win a three-person trip to Hawaii for 6 weeks and only for adults? What if... Bella and Draco are forced to live in the same house while they're gone? Will they hate each other or will love blossom?
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,125 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 138 - Updated: 1/5/2010 - Published: 5/29/2009 - Draco M., Bella